THE HOTEL INSPECTORS



Astrology (‘Madam Zodia’)

Context: A passenger on his way to Torquay boards the train and finds a seat opposite a guy dressed in a rather eccentric way. When things start going wrong for the former, the latter informs him that it was all predestined…

Pre-Listening: Do you know the Latin names of the star signs? How many do you remember?

Listening 1: Watch the clip and try to complete the following statements (incidentally, how many ‘unfortunate events’ befall the poor passenger?) [P: Passenger / A: Astrologer / W: Waiter / P2: Second Passenger]

▪ When the waiter comes, P orders ………….

▪ Apparently ‘Madam Zodia’ has a column in ………….

▪ P’s star sign is ………….

▪ He was born ………….

▪ His wife was born ………….

▪ The waiter’s sign is ………….

▪ The woman’s sign is ………….

▪ A asks whether he could have ………….

▪ P is shocked to discover that ………….

Listening 2: Listen again, fill in the gaps and make any changes necessary to the text [P: Passenger / A: Astrologer / W: Waiter / P2: Second Passenger]

|P: |Anybody sitting here? |

|A: |Well, if they are, they are very, very ………..…* No ………..… |

|P: |No, not at all.. Oh dear – it’s silly, we all say it, don’t we? When we point to an empty place and say ‘Is there anyone |

| |sitting here?’ |

|A: |Yes, I know… |

|P: |Er.. could I have a look at the menu, please? Thank you. Thank you very much. (Reading) Steak and ………..…pie, chicken, |

| |steak, bubble and squeak, veal and ham pie – eerm.. what do you… what would you suggest? |

|W: |Dinner’s finished, sir. * |

|P: |I was rather looking ………..…to that… Well, I’ll just have some coffee and biscuits, please… |

|W: |Thank you, sir. |

|P: |(He knocks over the salt cellar and spills the salt) Oh my God… oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… (He throws some over his |

| |shoulder) * |

|A: |It’s the… excuse me, it’s the other shoulder… (Pardon?) You throw it over your ………..…shoulder! |

|P: |Oh, sorry… (he repeats the performance) * |

|P2: |Do you mind, sir??!? |

|P: |Oh, I’m terribly sorry… I’m sorry… |

|A: |Not your day, is it? * |

|P: |You are right there… Got out of bed the wrong side this morning… Went to work in the ………..… ………..…… * Oh, no, I didn’t… |

| |No, I didn’t – it’s only a little saying… It’s funny though.. I ought to have known. My horoscope said it wasn’t going to |

| |be an easy day for me… |

|A: |Oh, really? |

|P: |Oh, that Madam Zodia – oh, wonderful, in the ‘Mail’. Wonderful! Oh, I set great store… Mind you, I mean, it’s not all |

| |true… A ………..… amount of rubbish is talked… |

|A: |Oh, far from it… |

|P: |Really? (Oh, yes!) You believe in it? |

|A: |Oh, ………..… ! I am Madam Zodia!! * |

|P: |You are not!! |

|A: |Yes, I am, yes… And I’ve been looking at you… I know what you are… * |

|P: |And I know what you are! * |

|A: |You’re cancer, aren’t you? (Pardon?) You were born under the ………..… of the crab, weren’t you? |

|P: |Yes, you’re right. |

|A: |Tell me, when is your birthday? |

|P: |Eerm… the 1st of July. |

|A: |The 1st of July… let me see now… Oh, well you see, it’s a very bad time for you this – you see you are a ………..… person, |

| |aren’t you? |

|P: |Am I? |

|A: |Oh, yes, yes… What time of day were you born? |

|P: |Eer… I think my mother… Just about after breakfast time I think… |

|A: |Oh well, with the moon in its current position you really shouldn’t have come out today at all! |

|P: |I didn’t realise the moon was out… (he knocks down the sugar cubes – and a lady bumps into him as he stoops to collect |

| |them…) Oh, I’m sorry.. sorry! Oh dear, oh dear…. I certainly… certainly did it there, didn’t I? |

|A: |When is your wife’s birthday? |

|P: |Eer… my wife’s birthday… it’s the 1st of November… |

|A: |Ah! Now she is on the ………..…. |

|P: |Well, she has been going a strange colour now and again… * (he pours the coffee and spills half of it…) Oh dear! Look at |

| |that…. Look at that – what a terrible mess… |

|A: |Well, it was ………..…, wasn’t it? Destined… |

|P: |Yes… I don’t often to make a mess like that, I can assure you… And he’s forgotten the biscuits; he’s not brought the |

| |biscuits! |

|A: |Ah, well, he would you see – he’s Leo… |

|P: |Oh, I didn’t realise that… I say, Leo, could you bring me the biscuits? * He’s… he’s ………..… me! |

|A: |No, no – he is a Leo sign! |

|P: |Oh – what difference does that make to the biscuits? |

|A: |No, it isn’t about the biscuits, it just ………..…him – just him. |

|P: |Oh I see – you can tell what sign people are by looking at them? |

|A: |Oh yes, oh yes… now that woman you ………..… into just now, I think you’d be fairly safe in saying she was a Virgo… * |

|P: |Would you really? |

|A: |Well, you have to ………..… ………..…for it, because you can’t very well ask her, can you? * (No, no…) As for that chap sitting |

| |over there, now, he is definitely Pisces… * |

|P: |Well, I can tell that one myself! * |

|A: |I wonder… I wonder if I could have some of your coffee… |

|P: |Certainly… (he offers to pour him some) |

|A: |No, no, please, please… With Jupiter in Saturn, I think it’s much safer if I do it myself… |

|P: |Yes, I shall sit here absolutely ………..… (he crosses his legs… and the waiter trips over his foot and falls down dropping |

| |his tray) ** |

|P2: |What the hell’s going on?!? |

|P: |I’m sorry… I mean Leo and I are going through a ………..…period! * |

|W: |It was all right till you came in… sir! * |

|A: |It’s just like I told you – it’s all destined… you see, all destined… You really should have stayed at home today. You |

| |should have locked yourself in your bedroom for three days you know… |

|P: |I shall remain here motionless. I shan’t move a ………..…. I shall sit like this until we get to Torquay… * |

| |You’re going to sit there a long time… This train is going to ………..…… ** |

Astrology (‘Madam Zodia’) - KEY

Context: A passenger on his way to Torquay boards the train and finds a seat opposite a guy dressed in a rather eccentric way. When things start going wrong for the former, the latter informs him that it was all predestined…

Pre-Listening: Do you know the Latin names of the star signs? How many do you remember?

Listening 1: Watch the clip and try to complete the following statements (incidentally, how many ‘unfortunate events’ befall the poor passenger?) [P: Passenger / A: Astrologer / W: Waiter / P2: Second Passenger]

▪ When the waiter comes, P orders coffee and biscuits.

▪ Apparently ‘Madam Zodia’ has a column in ‘The (Daily) Mail’.

▪ P’s star sign is cancer (the crab).

▪ He was born just after breakfast.

▪ His wife was born on the 1st of November.

▪ The waiter’s sign is Leo.

▪ The woman’s sign is Virgo.

▪ A asks whether he could have some coffee.

▪ P is shocked to discover that the train is not going to Torquay!

Listening 2: Listen again, fill in the gaps and make any changes necessary to the text [P: Passenger / A: Astrologer / W: Waiter / P2: Second Passenger]

|P: |Anybody sitting here? |

|A: |Well, if they are, they are very, very small… * No offence… |

|P: |No, not at all.. Oh dear – it’s silly, we all say it, don’t we? When we point to an empty place and say ‘Is there anyone |

| |sitting here?’ |

|A: |Yes, I know… |

|P: |Er.. could I have a look at the menu, please? Thank you. Thank you very much. (Reading) Steak and kidney pie, chicken, |

| |steak, bubble and squeak, veal and ham pie – eerm.. what do you… what do you recommend? |

|W: |Dinner’s finished, sir. * |

|P: |I was rather looking forward to that… Well, I’ll just have some coffee and biscuits, please… |

|W: |Thank you, sir. |

|P: |(He knocks over the salt cellar and spills the salt) Oh my God… oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… (He throws some over his |

| |shoulder) * |

|A: |It’s the… excuse me, it’s the other shoulder… (Pardon?) You throw it over your left shoulder! |

|P: |Oh, sorry… (he repeats the performance) * |

|P2: |Do you mind, sir??!? |

|P: |Oh, I’m terribly sorry… I’m sorry… |

|A: |Not your day, is it? * |

|P: |You can say that again… Got out of bed the wrong side this morning… Went to work in the wife’s shoes… * Oh, no, I didn’t… |

| |No, I didn’t – it’s only a little saying… It’s funny though.. I ought to have known. My horoscope said it wasn’t going to |

| |be an easy day for me… |

|A: |Oh, really? |

|P: |Oh, that Madam Zodia – oh, wonderful, in the ‘Mail’. Wonderful! Oh, I set great store… Mind you, I mean, it’s not all |

| |true… A fair amount of rubbish is talked… |

|A: |Oh, far from it… |

|P: |Really? (Oh, yes!) You believe in it? |

|A: |Oh, implicitly! I am Madam Zodia!! * |

|P: |You are not!! |

|A: |Yes, I am, yes… And I’ve been looking at you… I know what you are… * |

|P: |And I know what you are! * |

|A: |You’re a crab, aren’t you? (Pardon?) You were born under the sign of the crab, weren’t you? |

|P: |Yes, you’re right. |

|A: |Tell me, when is your birthday? |

|P: |Eerm… the 1st of July. |

|A: |The 1st of July… let me see now… Oh, well you see, it’s a very bad time for you this – you see you are a lunar person, |

| |aren’t you? |

|P: |Am I? |

|A: |Oh, yes, yes… What time of day were you born? |

|P: |Eer… I think my mother… Just about after breakfast time I think… |

|A: |Oh well, with the moon in its present position you really shouldn’t have come out today at all! |

|P: |I didn’t realise the moon was out… (he knocks down the sugar cubes – and a lady bumps into him as he stoops to collect |

| |them…) Oh, I’m sorry.. sorry! Oh dear, oh dear…. I certainly… certainly did it there, didn’t I? |

|A: |When is your wife’s birthday? |

|P: |Eer… my wife’s birthday… it’s the 1st of November… |

|A: |Ah! Now she is on the cusp. |

|P: |Well, she has been going a funny colour now and again… * (he pours the coffee and spills half of it…) Oh dear! Look at |

| |that…. Look at that – what a terrible mess… |

|A: |Well, it was destined, wasn’t it? Destined… |

|P: |Yes… It’s not like me to make a mess like that, I can assure you… And he’s forgotten the biscuits; he’s not brought the |

| |biscuits! |

|A: |Ah, well, he would you see – he’s Leo… |

|P: |Oh, I didn’t realise that… I say, Leo, could you bring me the biscuits? * He’s… he’s ignored me! |

|A: |No, no – he is a Leo sign! |

|P: |Oh – what difference does that make to the biscuits? |

|A: |No, it isn’t about the biscuits, it just affects him – just him. |

|P: |Oh I see – you can tell what sign people are by looking at them? |

|A: |Oh yes, oh yes… now that woman you bumped into just now, I think you’d be fairly safe in saying she was a Virgo… * |

|P: |Would you really? |

|A: |Well, you have to take my word for it, because you can’t very well ask her, can you? * (No, no…) As for that chap sitting |

| |over there, now, he is definitely Pisces… * |

|P: |Well, I can tell that one myself! * |

|A: |I wonder… I wonder if I could have some of your coffee… |

|P: |By all means… (he offers to pour him some) |

|A: |No, no, please, please… With Jupiter in Saturn, I think it’s much safer if I do it myself… |

|P: |Yes, I shall sit here absolutely motionless (he crosses his legs… and the waiter trips over his foot and falls down |

| |dropping his tray) ** |

|P2: |What the hell’s going on?!? |

|P: |I’m sorry… I mean Leo and I are going through a nasty period! * |

|W: |It was all right till you came in… sir! * |

|A: |It’s just like I told you – it’s all destined… you see, all destined… You really should have stayed at home today. You |

| |should have locked yourself in your bedroom for three days you know… |

|P: |I shall remain here motionless. I shan’t move a muscle. I shall sit like this until we get to Torquay… * |

| |You’re going to sit there a long time… This train is going to Edinburgh… ** |

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