5 Investing Conversations to have now

5 Investing Conversations to have now

October 5, 2021

TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKERS:

Lorna Kapusta Anna Sale Carley Desillier

Lorna Kapusta: Hi, everybody. And thank you for joining today's special Women Talk Money edition. I'm Lorna Kapusta. I'm the head of women investors at Fidelity and thrilled to be here with all of you today to talk about one of my favorite topics, which is around investing. I've got to tell you, I love talking about it. And the reason why I love it and what we are going to talk about today is five invest conversations that everyone should be having. And the reason why it's important is we have to make sure our money is working as hard as we do. And I'm really excited for the guests who are joining me today. So first let me start with Anna Sale.

So Anna is the host of the podcast death, sex and money. And also an author of the book how to talk about hard things.

So investing in money is a hard thing so she's going to bring that expertise to us today.

And then I'm really excited to have Carley Desillier I'm going to call her Carley D, Desillier, joining us. She works at Fidelity with clients at our branches day in and day out.

So let's hear a little bit more about both of you. Anna, let's start with you. Thank you for joining us. Tell us a little bit more about yourself.

Anna Sale: You said investing is one of your favorite things to talk about. How to have hard conversations is one of my favorite things to talk about. So I'm glad we're doing both of those thigs today. I host the show death, sex and money which we say is about the things we think about a lot be and need to talk about more.

Women Talk Money--Conversations with Fidelity and Friends

So I have conversations about the stuff that I believe really matters but that we sort of tend to not talk about as much as we ought to because we don't know how to start the conversation. And as you said the book I just wrote, let's talk about hard things, tries to take the lessons what I learned, having conversations on this show, so we all can step a little bit more boldly towards conversations in our lives that maybe we have been avoiding needlessly.

LORNA: Love that, so let's definitely be bold today and take it away with us. Carley, over to you. Can you talk about what you do at Fidelity?

Carley Desillier: Absolutely. First I want to thank you to inviting me to this important conversation. I'm really looking forward to this today. As mentioned, I'm Carley Desillier, an assistant branch manager here in the Bethesda, MD office. Last week I got the honor of being chosen to represent one of our employee resource groups as the newest global co chair.

LORNA: That is awesome, congratulations and thank you for joining us. I'd love to dive right in and get to the conversation. So Anna, let's start with you. And with a topic that comes up a lot which is why is money so hard to talk about? And I have to say particularly hard to talk about for women. And why is it so important that we just normalize this money conversation?

ANNA: First, one of the things I write in my book is money is like oxygen. It's all around us. We can pretend it's not but we need to it breathe. When you don't have enough you really feel it. So let's acknowledge what we are breathing in and what is around us and acknowledge that having money conversations with be emotional because it is so important. So if you're feeling a lot of feelings when you're having these conversations that's okay, that's how it's supposed to be.

I think the other reason talking about money can be tricky is because we have such a limited sort of public vocabulary for the words we use when we talk about money, what is okay to talk about, what is not okay to talk about. It can sometimes mush together two really important differences about what money is in our lives. Money is at once a tool which is the choices we make around money, what we spend it on, how we save it. And money is also a symbol which brings up all these questions about am I enough, am I worthy enough, am I living up to all these expectations for myself.

When we talk about money as a tool, sometimes the symbolic ways that money kind of makes us feel lots of big feelings can distort those conversations about money being a tool. So if you just except that both of these things are part of money conversations, then it's easier to sort of notice what is happening.

And on that note about women in particular, I also think women have been socialized to try to really make sure everybody feels comfortable in social conversations in particular. One thing about money is it reveals differences, different histories, different choices we've had, different

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consequences that we couldn't control and that's okay. It's basically I like to think of money in our lives as part of the plot of what makes us who we are. So if you include more of that plot it helps you understand yourself better and also the people you care about.

LORNA: Carley, I'm sure this concept of its hard to talk about money comes up every day in what you do with clients. Can you talk a little bit more about that and how you helped?

CARLEY: Absolutely. And you're right we do see clients every today who have a hard time talking about money and that's across all types of financial situations and all types of family situations. So it's part of our job as financial professionals to help with these conversations.

So don't be afraid to bring in a neutral third party professional to help. We are specifically trained in what questions to ask. How to help people articulate what money means and what they actually might be feeling about, where they are financially, and then how to align that to their financial decisions.

We don't try to take the emotion out of it but we can help people understand when as Anna said when talking about money as a symbol versus a tool and direct that conversation in a way that works for your goals.

LORNA: That's really helpful and I want the dig in a little more there. We talked to thousands of women and men who we survey. And time and time again it always comes back that women just are more hesitant to reach out to a financial professional. And oftentimes some of the reasons are around just not feeling prepared or knowing what questions to ask. So we just got a question that talked about I want to meet with a financial professional but I don't know how to get prepared.

So, Carley, can you talk a little bit more about how someone does get ready for these conversations? I would love everyone who joined us today to walk away feeling like they know what they need to do, they're ready to actually make that phone call and they should because we will talk about it but it is for free at Fidelity. It's something they should be taking advantage of.

CARLEY: We tend to say that you're always ready to talk to us so I want to put an emphasis on that and repeat it. You are always ready to talk to us. And you always have enough money to talk to us. So I understand that there are some financial conversations that need a little bit more preparation. Maybe going into a job offer negotiation or buying a house. But in terms of talking to us about a plan or in thinking about your goals, the most important thing that you can do to be ready to have this conversation is just to start the conversation. Have that conversation.

We can meet you where you are. And that's whether you have $100 or a million dollars. That all said, I understand that it can help you feel a little bit more comfortable when talking if you have some information and some knowledge and that goes whether you're talking to a professional,

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Women Talk Money--Conversations with Fidelity and Friends

partner, or even sitting down having a real conversation just with yourself. Maybe you don't have to start with a phone call to us.

Check in on all of your accounts, particularly if you haven't done so in a while. And make sure you have a full picture of where everything is and how and if it's invested, what it's invested in. If you have all of your beneficiaries chosen. And then at a high level how much you have coming in and going out each month.

We did research on women and investing and about 40% of women aren't even sure how their money is invested so if that's you, you're not alone. But the good news is we have a quick and easy check in and all of this or we can help you do it.

LORNA: That's really helpful and I want to hit on something you talked about which is how much money you need to reach out and get that help. One the most important things I hear all the time and listen, you're hearing from someone who focuses on women, I don't feel like I have enough. What I've been most surprised with is dollar figures that they do have this they should and could be doing something with.

So I love that you hit on the fact that there's hope for everybody. And the reality is that you have an opportunity to take the first step. If that's getting your arms around your money that's the first thing you should do but you shouldn't hesitate reach out for that help.

So Anna, I'd love to come over to you to talk more about this topic and how you see it from your perspective.

ANNA: I think the other thing is maybe the listener was or the questioner was asking how do I get prepared and I think there's the anxiety about do I have all the documents and passwords and am I ready to have this conversation? Also, am I ready to go into this with someone I don't know?

And I really like to just, like, open up the idea of when you talk about money, there's going to be some things that you get to feel proud of yourself about and celebrate, there's going to be some things that you feel like you don't understand, there's going to be some things also that maybe you want to have a little bit more forgiveness for yourself about, maybe it's something that you wish you had done a little bit differently. Or really crucially factors that you couldn't control but feel bad about.

For example, you know, maybe you graduated at a time when there wasn't a great job market. Maybe you didn't inherit a bunch of wealth in your family and you've been scrapping together to make it. I think that in my book I really talk about all of our financial lives are both factors that we

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can control, our spending, saving, investing, and also these other factors that we can't control. It's, "both, and."

And really important, like, concept that I find really helpful is radical acceptance when you think about money. It's this idea that I'm going to look really closely and clearly at where I am with my money, face facts, even the ones that I wish were different, and just let them in, and say: Here's where I am, here's what I feel good about, here's what I'm unclear about, here's what I don't feel great about, and that opens up the opportunity for more nuanced and crucially honest conversation about the questions you have for your choices going forward.

LORNA: I love that. Radical acceptance and honest. Really important. And, you know, we got a number of questions that come in around investing and goals. And one of the things that I think is we spent a lot of time on these discussions talking about our goals and what is important to us. And then investing just is utilized to help us get there. We had a great question that came in that said I want to have a financial plan and invest more but I often feel like I'm going to want to make changes. So can I still keep a plan and invest? And how do I talk about or deal with it if I have those changes? And that can be someone in a partnership or someone who is individual. How do you get a plan and deal with these changes and still stay invested? Carley, can you help us out with that.

CARLEY: Absolutely. As you started to say whether you're single, with a partner, or even if you have children the end result is the same. You have to have a plan. And all be working towards that same plan. The first thing to ask is what is your money for? Be honest with yourself. In your loved ones about what you want and work that into your investing goals on both short term and long term.

What are your big dreams right now? What about 30 years in if future? This can be a conversation that we tend to avoid because sometimes you don't have all the answers and that's okay. This person says that they want to invest more and that her goals change so there are plenty of ways to invest that work for people who don't have a specifically designed goal or they think it might change. For example, over the years I've worked with clients who have thought that they retired at a certain age or in a certain city but then something unexpected happens like a new grandchild, for example, and all of a sudden everything is different. But you don't have to just be investing for retirement or for college or for anything specific. It's perfectly fine to invest your money just to help give it the potential to grow. When you use something like possibly a digital advisor to invest or maybe target date mutual fund, it will be based on your time and your desired level of risk. So those are flexible for your life goals. And then, again, when you meet with somebody that you want to talk to your plan about and when you want to figure out what you want your money to do, you can talk about all of this.

Whether you keep your goals the same or as mentioned whether you go ahead and change those goals, it can change frequently. The conversation should be fresh and frequent whether it's five years, over ten years, 15 years, or 30 years in the future.

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