One of the major problems facing the world today is the ...

One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking in more refugees. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

The wars , the poverty , the terrible disasters ...There are a lot of reasons to make many people become refugees whose number is growing day by day. And in my opinion, the developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking in more refugees.

First of all, about morality, the richers should help the poorers. Noone wants to become refugee, homeless, jobless . They were just born unluckily. Such as the people live in Israel, Palestin where are always not peaceful and the war could happen anytime. Also, the Africans who always live in the poverty, a lot of children died everyday in Africa because of starvation. A lot of people must choose going far away to look for a new life, usually the developed nations are in their choice for the belief that it would be easy to find a job with good wages there. And that is true, in some reasons.

Moreover, the refugees could be a very cheap workforce which the developed countries would be able to use. Besides, among the refugees, there may be a lot of intellectuals who would be very useful. This cheap and good workforce could help the countries more developing in the future if they know how to educate and use them.

However the growing number of refugees might become a burden on society. The cheap workforce from refugees would be able to cause high unemployment rate because of high competition. Moreover , taking care of a lot of refugees needs a lot of money.

Anyway, being human, we should help each other in difficult circumstances. The developed countries are in very lofty duty that is giving the poorer people from the developing countries a helping hand. However the growing number of the refugees around the world also shows a range of social problems, such as the wars, the poverty, the disasters which we must find the solutions quickly.

Revised

The wars , the poverty , the terrible disasters: ...There are a lot of reasons to make many people become refugees whose and their numbers is are growing day by day. And iIn my opinion, the developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking in more refugees.

First of all, about morality:, the richers richest should help the poorerspoorest. No one wants to become a refugee, be homeless, or jobless . They were just born unluckily,. Such such as the people livinge in Israel and , Palestine, where are it is always notnever peaceful and the where war could happen anytime, or. Also, the Africans who always live in the poverty. y, Aa lot of children died every day in Africa because of starvation. A lot of people must choose going far away to look for a new life., usually Usually, the developed nations are in their choice for the belief that it would be easy to find a job with good wages there,. And and that is true, in some reasonscases.

Moreover, the refugees could be a very cheap workforce, which the developed countries would be able to use. Besides, among the refugees, there may be a lot of

intellectuals who would be very useful. This cheap and good workforce could help the countries more developing in the future if they know how to educate and use them.

However, the growing number of refugees might become a burden on society. The cheap workforce from refugees would be able to might cause a high unemployment rate because of high competition. Moreover , taking care of a lot of refugees needs requires a lot of money.

Anyway, being human, we should help each other in difficult circumstances. The developed countries are in have a very lofty duty - that is giving the poorer people from the developing countries a helping hand. However the growing number of the refugees around the world also shows a range of social problems, such as the wars, the poverty, the disasters which we must find the solutions quickly.

Good essay, but a little informal for IELTS. Nice use of linking words. Avoid `elipsis,' which is the `three dots' at the end of an incomplete series.

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