Cedric Centre for Counselling Inc.
THE MATRIX: A MODEL FOR SELF-AWARENESS
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Model by Bennett and Hastings
At any given time, we are somewhere on this grid. If we are in the present, experiencing peaceful acceptance of the moment, all our needs are being met. For the record, it is quite possible to live predominantly in this state of peace and presence.
If we are anywhere else, or feeling anything other than peaceful acceptance of the moment, we have needs that are not currently being met. And we are seeking to meet them either through our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, or, a combination of the three.
These thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, are our coping strategies. Coping strategies are methods we enact to support us to cope with discomfort, and unmet needs. Coping strategies can be adaptive, (life enhancing), or they can be maladaptive, (harmful to our body, mind, and/or spirit). Maladaptive coping strategies, although initially created to help us cope with distress, often create their own set of problems.
If we are unaware, or have forgotten that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, are merely indicators of unmet needs, we will be prone to judging those coping strategies as bad, and, ourselves as bad for having them. We will begin to focus so much on those thoughts/feelings/ and/or behaviours that we are aware of, and misidentify that coping strategy as our problem. In so doing, all of our energy becomes directed at the coping strategy, (e.g. Overeating, overweight, bad body thoughts, anxiety, depression, and negative self-talk).
If our focus remains fixed on the coping strategy, we can only continue to repeat the same old frustrating pattern, and create a greater feeling of helplessness and despair.
When we shift our focus from the coping strategy to the underlying triggering need, we feel an immediate shift in our awareness, and, our sense of empowerment increases. We feel more peaceful, and it becomes safer and preferable to live in the present moment. When we take steps to meet those underlying needs in life enhancing ways, we have no more need of our coping strategy, and it just ceases to be.
So, the solution to no longer using maladaptive coping strategies is to recognize when you are doing just that, and focus on those thoughts, feelings, or behaviours, only long enough to recognize them, and acknowledge that they mean you have an unmet need. Then move on to empowerment as you identify the need, and take steps to meet it in ways that honor you, and enhance your self-esteem.
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Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviours
Past
Present
Future
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