Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

John Gray

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Content Introduction.......................................................................................................................................... 6 Chapter 1 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus..........................................................................11

REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES................................................................................................11 AN OVERVIEW OF OUR DIFFERENCES............................................................................................12 GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH..........................................................................................13 Chapter 2 Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee..................................................................15 LIFE ON MARS.............................................................................................................................. 15 LIFE ON VENUS.............................................................................................................................17 GIVE UP GIVING ADVICE............................................................................................................... 18 LEARNING TO LISTEN................................................................................................................... 19 IN DEFENSE OF MR. FIX-IT AND THE HOME-IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE........................................21 WHEN A WOMAN RESISTS A MAN'S SOLUTIONS............................................................................ 21 WHEN A MAN RESISTS THE HOME-IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE......................................................23 Chapter 3 Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk................................................................................25 COPING WITH STRESS ON MARS AND VENUS................................................................................ 25 FINDING RELIEF IN THE CAVE.......................................................................................................26 FINDING RELIEF THROUGH TALKING.............................................................................................29 HOW THE MARTIANS AND VENUSIANS FOUND PEACE....................................................................31 Chapter 4 How to Motivate the Opposite Sex......................................................................................... 34 WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN.....................................................................................................35 WHEN A WOMAN LOVES A MAN.....................................................................................................37 SETTING AND RESPECTING LIMITS............................................................................................... 39 LEARNING TO RECEIVE................................................................................................................. 41 LEARNING TO GIVE.......................................................................................................................43 Chapter 5 Speaking Different Languages............................................................................................... 45 EXPRESSING FEELINGS VERSUS EXPRESSING INFORMATION......................................................... 45

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WHEN VENUSIANS TALK............................................................................................................... 46 WHEN MARTIANS DON'T TALK...................................................................................................... 49 WHEN MARTIANS DO TALK........................................................................................................... 53 WHAT TO DO WHEN HE GOES INTO HIS CAVE...............................................................................55 HOW TO COMMUNICATE SUPPORT TO A MARTIAN........................................................................ 57 MAKING LITTLE CHANGES.............................................................................................................60 HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITHOUT BLAME....................................................................................60 Chapter 6 Men Are Like Rubber Bands.................................................................................................. 65 WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN....................................................................... 65 HOW WOMEN MISINTERPRET MEN................................................................................................68 WHEN TO TALK WITH A MAN........................................................................................................ 69 NOW TO GET A MAN TO TALK....................................................................................................... 70 WHEN A MAN WON'T TALK............................................................................................................71 WHEN A MAN DOESN'T PULL AWAY............................................................................................... 73 OBSTRUCTING THE INTIMACY CYCLE............................................................................................ 75 HOW A MAN'S PAST MAY AFFECT HIS INTIMACY CYCLE................................................................. 76 WISE MEN AND WOMEN................................................................................................................77 Chapter 7 Women Are Like Waves........................................................................................................ 79 HOW MEN REACT TO THE WAVE................................................................................................... 79 RECURRING CONVERSATIONS AND ARGUMENTS........................................................................... 81 UNDERSTANDING NEEDINESS....................................................................................................... 83 WHEN A WOMAN DOESN'T FEEL SAFE IN HER WELL...................................................................... 84 WHEN SHE'S IN THE WELL AND HE'S IN THE CAVE........................................................................ 85 RESOLVING CONFLICTS THROUGH UNDERSTANDING.................................................................... 87 HOW MONEY CAN CREATE PROBLEMS........................................................................................... 90 FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT........................................................................................................... 91 Chapter 8 Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs............................................................................ 92

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THE TWELVE KINDS OF LOVE........................................................................................................92 THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR.................................................................................................. 96 NOW YOU MAY BE UNKNOWINGLY TURNING OFF YOUR PARTNER................................................. 97 WHEN LOVE FAILS........................................................................................................................ 99 LEARNING TO LISTEN WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY....................................................................... 100 THE ART OF EMPOWERING A MAN...............................................................................................101 Chapter 9 How to Avoid Arguments.....................................................................................................105 WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ARGUE.............................................................................................. 105 WHY ARGUMENTS HURT............................................................................................................. 106 THE FOUR STANCES FOR AVOIDING HURT.................................................................................. 107 WHY WE ARGUE..........................................................................................................................109 THE ANATOMY OF AN ARGUMENT............................................................................................... 110 HOW TO EXPRESS YOUR DIFFERENCES WITHOUT ARGUING........................................................ 115 GIVING SUPPORT AT DIFFICULT TIMES....................................................................................... 120 AVOIDING ARGUMENTS THROUGH LOVING COMMUNICATION..................................................... 121 Chapter 10 Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex................................................................................. 122 LITTLE THINGS MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE.................................................................................... 123 THE MAGIC OF DOING LITTLE THINGS........................................................................................ 128 REDIRECTING ENERGY AND ATTENTION..................................................................................... 129 WHEN WOMEN GIVE POINTS.......................................................................................................130 HEALING THE RESENTMENT FLU................................................................................................. 131 WHY MEN GIVE LESS.................................................................................................................. 132 HOW MEN GIVE POINTS..............................................................................................................137 WHAT MAKES MEN DEFENSIVE.................................................................................................... 140 WHEN MEN GIVE PENALTY POINTS..............................................................................................140 REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES.............................................................................................. 141 Chapter 11 How to Communicate Difficult Feelings...............................................................................142

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THE LOVE LETTER TECHNIQUE....................................................................................................143 MAKING IT SAFE FOR LOVE LETTERS...........................................................................................154 MINI LOVE LETTERS....................................................................................................................155 WHEN TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS................................................................................................. 156 WHY WE NEED TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS.................................................................................... 156 TELLING THE COMPLETE TRUTH................................................................................................. 159 HEALING NEGATIVE FEELINGS.................................................................................................... 162 SECRETS OF SELF-HELP.............................................................................................................. 163 Chapter 12 How to Ask for Support and Get It..................................................................................... 168 WHY WOMEN DON'T ASK............................................................................................................ 168 STEP I: ASKING CORRECTLY FOR WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY GETTING.......................................... 169 STEP 2: PRACTICE ASKING FOR MORE (EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW HE MAY SAY NO)........................178 STEP 3: PRACTICE ASSERTIVE ASKING........................................................................................ 181 WHY MEN ARE SO SENSITIVE......................................................................................................185 Chapter 13 Keeping the Magic of Love Alive.........................................................................................186 THE 90/10 PRINCIPLE................................................................................................................. 188 YOU ARE NEVER UPSET FOR THE REASON YOU THINK.................................................................190 THE DELAYED REACTION RESPONSE........................................................................................... 191 WHY HEALTHY PEOPLE MAY NEED COUNSELING..........................................................................192 THE SEASONS OF LOVE...............................................................................................................193 SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS..................................................................................................... 194 Acknowledgement.............................................................................................................................. 197

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