The relationship minefield for Asperger Men

The relationship minefield for Asperger Men

by Garry Burge

For all men whether they have Asperger Syndrome or not, relating to women can be a somewhat difficult and complex challenge. As a man with Asperger Syndrome, however, I find my biggest problem to be not knowing what to say, never knowing what women want, failing to pick up on signals and being acutely shy. I have never really had any successful relationships. When I was a teenager I never really had a proper girlfriend and in my 20's, I just never really knew what was wrong with me. Up until my 30's, I still never seemed to get anywhere until I had my first girlfriend at the age of 36. Life for any man can be especially difficult but it was especially difficult for me. I found myself the butt of virgin jokes or comments about my sexuality which often caused me the added anxiety and stress of having to defend myself. It simply just was a humiliating experience. For men with Asperger Syndrome, I speak from my own personal experience in that we suffer from the following scenario. Again this is my opinion

Women like men who are confident and assertive Men who are not good at flirting with women are seen as not trying hard enough Asperger men find it difficult to have to make decisions and make the first move Too much expectation makes the courting process simply overbearing for Asperger

men Not having high social status simply causes Asperger men to be overlooked Asperger men usually don't have the energy or time to play games with women Many of my Asperger friends are constantly changing their relationships on Facebook and some even choose complicated relationships or hide their relationship status. I just do not bother with mine. I find relationships to often be overwhelming and just wish there was an open door approach to starting a friendship first and then seeing how things progress. I must admit that I am selfish in my choice of woman. I do like a woman to be attractive and

to set the spark but just winning her over seems like a mammoth and unachievable task. What am I supposed to do or say? Such questions and a lack of confidence and low self esteem certainly do not cause you brownie points in the dating game. For Asperger men, most of us do want to be able to relate to the opposite sex but it is just an understanding of our boundaries and how much and how little we are able to share space is of importance to us. I think Asperger men usually get the bad rap with some women because we are not always able to display or know the signals that regular men are able to employ. We are not good at beating our chest, making up stories to big note ourselves which often I guess confuses most women. I think also Hollywood and the perfect romance does not go in our favour either. So what then are Asperger men able to do to overcome the dating mine field? I guess we need to learn strategies if we are to succeed in the dating game. Since writing this document, some Asperger men I know have entered relationships. Perhaps an early diagnosis and earlier intervention has helped them? Who knows but I don't think giving up is an option it is just a matter of keeping the door open and hoping that someday someone will walk through it. I have turned some women down who have wanted a relationship with me as I have found them too intense. I do however have a few female friends that I keep in touch with but they have clearly defined boundaries.

I have known of some men with Asperger Syndrome who simply find sharing of space just too overwhelming. Having to constantly be sociable and constantly interact has caused problems for them mentally and infringed upon their need for space.

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