PIMPED BY PARASITES pARTHENIA ONASSIS GRANT



CHAPTER 8

TRANSCENDING THE EGO THROUGH

GRATITUDE AND FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a mystical directive, not a rational one … The ego remains locked into the history of the wound … To forgive an action of humiliation … makes no sense to the reasoning mind that views matters through the lens of innocence and retribution … Our reason demands justice and perhaps vengeance … a desire to hurt others as much as we have been hurt … The need to strike back is essential to the archetype of justice as we honor it. That archetype represents an inherent need in us for fairness, and fair play ... Humiliation ranks among the most difficult personal injuries to forgive [because it] robs us of our primal power of self-protection. It is a violation of the survival instinct, in that we feel we have failed to protect ourselves from one of the most painful of all personal traumas, and the consequences of feeling vulnerable to personal humiliation are devastating. - Caroline Myss, PhD. – author of Defy Gravity

Greg Braden points out in his book, Fractal Time that the earth and its inhabitants all repeat cycles. Moreover, these cycles tend to grow bigger and more traumatic with each occurrence. For instance, those with childhoods that were filled with fear, distrust, insecurity, abandonment, or lovelessness, are likely to grow up with similar feelings toward God, since parents are the first representations of Godly figures for small children. When these feelings go unresolved, they tend to end up

• incapable of communicating their feelings openly

• without an internal locus of control

• co-dependent and unable to manage their lives

• stuck in the pain of the past, feeding off of fear and misery.

• harboring resentment, anger and non-forgiveness towards parents and others.

As a result, the power of forgiveness and gratitude go unrealized because they are unaware that “forgiveness is a transcendent force that releases you from far more than the individual with whom you have a painful history. Forgiveness releases you from an ego state of consciousness that clings to a need for justice built around the fear of being humiliated, based on prior experiences of humiliation” (Myss 13).

BREAKING THE CYCLE

The question that comes to mind, then, is how to break the cycle of blame, co-dependency and non-forgiveness? One begins by finding the source event surrounding the issue triggering the cycle. Too often one stays stuck on the details of the pain versus the underlying issue. For instance, an underlying issue in both of my marriages was my need to feel safe with men who were not physically abusive after having been abused as a child. Thus, I attracted men who were unconsciously operating on their feminine side (out of fear of the out of control masculine). They need a woman to give to them, versus operating from the masculine program of giving and providing for the feminine principle to ensure the future survival of his offspring. As a result, I attracted men with broken wings who not only could not fly (i.e., be real men who could support my dreams as I had supported theirs) but men who needed me to help them emotionally reach the level of success they dreamed of in their careers. That was a recipe for co-dependency and resentment. Naturally, when I eventually left them, they felt abandoned while I felt disillusioned about their lack of reciprocity. The issue for me was learning to put my needs first in a relationship and to never sacrifice my dreams or put them on hold to help a mate achieve his goals.

Personal evolution and growth involves a willingness to learn the lesson, to move beyond the injury, and to take the time to heal alone without jumping into another relationship too soon. The process includes developing being mindful of the present moment and consciously choosing to let go of the past each time a painful memory comes. This is accomplished by looking for the gift hidden behind the pain, humiliation or loss and being an objective observer of thoughts as they pop up, then asking:

1. What fear lies behind that memory?

2. Is that fear still valid in the present moment?

3. Was that fear even real back then?

4. What part did my pride play in the situation?

5. What could I have done differently to affect a win/win?

Once the lesson is learned, move as quickly as possible out of the old, painful memory by choosing to be grateful for healing that relationship from the past, then choosing to be in the moment and focusing on the beauty, awe and wonder of simply being alive. Each moment presents an opportunity to choose thoughts or memories that uplift and inspire versus those that depress or stress the spirit.

In reality, there can be no lasting happiness, peace of mind, or satisfaction in the lives of adult children who fail to find gratitude and forgiveness for everyone. It begins with forgiving the parents or caretakers who could just as easily have abandoned them when they were helpless infants. Thus, a key to calming inner chaos and breaking repetition of painful patterns is a willingness to think outside of the conceptual frameworks absorbed unconsciously during conception, birth and childhood.

It is equally important to create a conscious practice of taking care of one’s own physical, emotional and spiritual needs first. A focus on nurturing the self first when one’s energy, passion for life, or sustenance are in short supply, prevents one from coming to the table of another as a beggar. Besides, no one can meet the needs of another without depleting one’s own supply. The truth is, everyone is innately capable of replenishing their own needs by tapping into the universal bank of infinite supply. The problem is that few are actually taught this basic principle. Instead, people are led to believe in scarcity and competition, which leads them to take from the energy stash of others to meet their needs. This is because they are unaware that everyone is born with their own universal bank inside their minds. The masses simply forgot the password to tap into their very own unlimited ATM cash machines.

The truth is, after learning to put the needs of the self first, one no longer feels needy. Moreover, it becomes easier to receive, appreciate and reciprocate the love given by others when one feels whole, perfect and complete inside. Osho points out that when individuals learn to make their own needs a priority; they will quit walking around beseeching love with a begging bowl. At that point, they will begin to stroll through life like an emperor.

Granted, asking adults, who have been emotionally and/or physically abused or abandoned by a parental figure, to forgive such a parent, let alone be grateful, appears to be asking a lot, especially from minds mired in the mud of the ego. Such individuals might readily associate forgiveness with self betrayal when, in reality, forgiveness it is the path to salvation and grace. Caroline Myss, PhD, points out that people who have been horribly abused as a child need to have their injuries “witnessed by someone worthy, because witnessing with respect grants dignity to a person’s wounds, and that is essential to the healing process. But remaining in the psyche of the wound, no matter how deep, is like setting up house in a cemetery for the rest of your life.” That is where evolved therapists, teachers, shamans, and ministers play valuable, transformative roles. Even as bleak as the foregoing quote may sound,

Every part of your mind and emotions will battle with a directive to forgive because the ego needs to have its day in court … Reason will partner with pride to produce grand arguments for why you are entitled to maintain your wounds, however you acquired them. Forgiveness is essential to healing because it requires you to surrender your ego’s need to have life fall into place around your personal version of justice … forgiveness … is the act of accepting that there is a greater map of life … Forgiveness is your release from the hell of wanting to know what cannot be known and from wanting to see others suffer because they have hurt you (Myss 30).

Forgiveness represents a struggle not only between yourself and the person who harmed you, but between yourself and God … You begin to comprehend that individual justice, as such, can never really exist in its idyllic form within any society. The capacity to forgive is nothing less than the acceptance of a higher principle of divine justice, rather than earthly justice … when understood through this lens … events and relationships take on an impersonal quality. People’s actions are driven by forces that have nothing to do with you even though you might get harmed when you stand in the way (Myss 13).

Thus, a paradigm shift is necessary to unstick a mind that gets stuck in the pain of the past or is weighted down with non forgiveness and ingratitude. The challenge, however, lies in the fact that finding gratitude for anyone who has abused or harmed another initially feels like self betrayal. Yet, gratitude and forgiveness are prerequisites that open the portals to grace. Grace is bestowed freely for the asking; it need not be earned. An amazing aspect of grace is that it fills one with the satisfaction and peace of mind that many have been seeking through addictive behavior such as over eating, over working, drug and alcohol addiction, thrill seeking, sexual addiction, perpetual drama, craziness and chaos, loneliness, alienation, or estrangement. The ego is masterful at deluding the masses into thinking that addictions will soothe the hurts, pains and betrayals of the past. Any fix the Ego offers, however, is short term, ultimately harmful to the body and spirit, and comes with the price tag of addiction, attachment and co-dependency.

Those who find it difficult to be grateful to others for small favors or lessons that can transform their lives in profound ways, find it equally difficult to be generous toward themselves or to be grateful for the opportunities inherent in adversity. This is understandable. It is human nature to recoil from pain and move toward pleasure.

The irony of adversity, however, is that it can be one’s greatest teacher when one humbles oneself enough to learn its lessons. The first step is to take ownership for acts of omission or commission by acknowledging and accepting responsibility for the fact that individuals are co-creators of their reality. Moreover, one must learn to set boundaries and say “no” to unacceptable behavior from others, or suffer the consequences. Otherwise, abuse or bad treatment will be viewed by the abuser as acceptable, while the victim unwittingly ends up enabling the abuser.

Admittedly, before adolescence, most children do not have the critical thinking skills nor the emotional maturity to make sound, responsible decisions. On the other hand, there are those who do come here with high levels of consciousness (i.e., “old souls”) who are innately able to use the light within them as a form of protection from harm. Others require assistance or guidance from adults in learning how to set boundaries for acceptable social behavior from others that enable them to recognize and cultivate self respect, self reliance and the ability to speak up for themselves.

THE EGOES OF CHILDREN

We all know that children who are overly indulged grow into self indulgent adolescents with no internal locus of control. This results in a sense of entitlement that compels young adults to make unreasonable demands much like a terrible two year old. They tend to be a burden to the household by not contributing to the family and refusing or failing to perform their share of household chores or to pay their share of household expenses. Later, they become a burden to society by not following rules of acceptable behavior or by not respecting the rights and property of others which ends up getting them sent to correctional institutions for truly ridiculous reasons, like failure to pay for moving traffic violations, especially in California, where traffic violations tend to be an easy avenue for LAPD to catch criminals because most are irresponsible, have contempt for laws, feel above the law, or do not have the discipline or presence of mind to take care of their bills. Highly intelligent, sophisticated criminals make it a point to take care of minute details due to a desire to outsmart authorities by not getting caught. They are all too aware of how the system operates and take pride in beating it.

When both parents use precept and example to model discipline and the importance of honoring boundaries, mutual respect, cooperation and consideration, children feel safe from the unmitigated reign of terror from the ego when it takes over residency during “the terrible two’s.” It is a definite hit and miss proposition when only one parent in the household sets the example. Moreover, the consequences tend to be much more serious when the father is the poor example of virtue because children look to the father for discipline and direction and to the mother for love. Single moms, who have to take over the father’s role in addition to her own, run the risk of raising children who confuse fear of discipline with love, or children who resent or fear her for being the disciplinarian. It matters little how much she sacrificed for her children. Single moms would be better off enlisting a male member of the family or a male friend, such as a godfather, who is a good role model, to assume the function of disciplinarian, so that she can be completely available to model love the child.

CAUSE AND CONSEQUENCE FOR BEHAVIOR

Parents who do not get a pre-school child’s ego under control before kindergarten are in for one hell of a ride for the rest of that child’s life since the child’s personality and paradigm are pretty much set by that age. Parents who do not understand the importance of preventing a child’s ego from running amuck or completely taking over, will find it difficult to reframe a child’s view of the world after the age of five. That is why it is important to establish clear rules and boundaries at the onset of egotistical behavior and to set up consequences for violating them. Cause and consequence is more effective than beating the child and far more loving. My point is not to break the child’s spirit, or to domesticate the child, but to help the child grow into an understanding and appreciation for respect, empathy, compassion, consideration and boundaries.

M. Scott Peck, aptly states in The Road Less Traveled that Americans suffer from a “disorder of discipline and a disorder of responsibility.” This is clearly apparent in a large portion of today’s youth. Parents often do not discipline their children because they fear the child’s disapproval or fear being reported to children’s protective services and having the child taken away. Thus, they may choose not to make their children responsible for something as simple as picking up their toys when they are young. Even toddlers can learn this task and will do it willingly when praised or rewarded for the effort. Parents also overlook requiring that toddler’s treat others with consideration or respect during the “terrible two’s,” because they think the child is too young, or that the child cannot understand consideration for others, compassion, and respect and that when they violate these basic tenants of behavior, there are consequences, like no television or no treats or something else they are attached to taken away or denied for a specific period of time, or they get “time out” in a corner where they must sit quietly. Since small children live in the moment, and do not easily grasp the concept of linear time, a few minutes of “time out” or having something they want or love taken away, is like eternity and works wonders. Conversely, the promise of a future reward of something the child loves (hopefully, their favorite “raw” dessert or “raw” chocolate bar) is incentive enough to entice favorable behavior in exchange for something the child wants. Granted, this is all common sense, but a tired, frustrated parent, especially one suffering from any of the many symptoms of Candida is working with foggy thinking.

THE LESSONS OF ADVERSITY

The pain of betrayal by someone who has returned love and loyalty with unkindness or ingratitude feels like a slap in the face. It is also ironic when the offender tries to make amends, the cycle of pain and payback continues if the offer is rebuffed or rejected. Understandably, the offended person may reason that the offender is undeserving; is setting the offended up for another betrayal or heartbreak; or cannot be trusted not to do it again. All of the foregoing may or may not be true. However, it bears pointing out that every individual is:

(1) actually doing the best they can from their level of awareness and consciousness;

(2) operating from a sense of self preservation;

(3) generating assumptions that distort the truth;

(4) making up inaccurate or warped versions of reality to fit their assumptions; and

(5) forgiving others is a gift individuals give themselves to stop the heart from producing cortisol, which attacks the immune system (see research conducted by the Heart Math Institute).

Thus, any meager gesture toward making amends by the offender is actually a mighty move in the direction of peace and reconciliation. Rejection of a move toward peace or ingratitude for whatever another offers to set things right tends to elicit feelings of rejection, anger, resentment, hopelessness, or depression which can lead to continued cycles of self destruction or acting out toward others. Bear in mind that a willingness to forgive does not mean continuing to put oneself in harm’s way nor does receiving a generous or kind gesture obligate one to be bribed, manipulated or used in any way by the giver. Communicating to the giver that your forgiveness cannot be purchased at any price; it is given freely and that only gestures designed to make amends can be accepted can clear the path to harmony and balancing the scales of injustice. Such clarity can create positive reinforcement and a desire on the part of the offender to make things right in that it restores the offender’s sense of self worth which is automatically damaged anytime anyone acts out of alignment or integrity with the greater good of all.

Due to the duality of human nature, no one is all good or all bad. If they were, humans would not be so easily attracted to toxic people nor so readily ensnared by their charm. Everyone has some good in them and catering to the goodness in another generates a desire for the other person to show more of the generous side of his/her personality versus the dark side.

Moreover, it becomes easier to operate from a place of gratitude when one realizes that no one HAS TO DO ANYTHING for another (that includes your parents) and NO ONE OWES ANYONE anything. It is only a sense of entitlement that leads one to believe otherwise. The challenge is to cease having expectations at all (I know, that’s a tall order) and to always graciously accept and show appreciation for gifts that are given; that includes compliments and acts of kindness. After all, everything is a blessing, even those we tend to label bad experiences. They are put into one’s path that one might learn a particular lesson; exercise forgiveness; or find love and compassion for self and others.

GAMES THE EGO PLAYS

Even when egotistical people are wrong as two left feet, their egos compel them to be right at all costs. The ego is incapable of choosing peace, being at peace or being in the moment. Instead, the ego gets caught up in playing the following games that perpetuate craziness, chaos and drama:

(1) dominating others;

(2) avoiding being dominated by others;

(3) being right;

(4) making others wrong;

(5) covering up for mistakes made;

(6) not taking responsibility by blaming others for their mistakes

Becoming aware of the games the ego plays makes it easier not to get pulled into the drama and not to take any of the Ego’s nonsense personally. It’s just a program that ego driven individuals get drawn into unwittingly; they cannot help themselves as they get sucked into the vortex of negative energy and self defeating behavior. Thus, it is wiser not to get pulled into personality disordered drama by not reacting to their ploys designed to push your buttons and get you to participate in their games; it does, after all, “take two to Tango.” If one walks away, says no, or ignores them, Ego driven individuals will quickly find someone else to pull into their dance of anger once they see that their potential victim is not reacting as expected to accusation or attack. They have to find someone else because their egos feed off of negativity and the pain of others; it distracts from their own pain body. One reason why most potential victims go along to get along with the personality disordered Ego driven individual is because they know that the other will walk away and bad mouth them with lies, exaggerating about how badly they’ve been treated; or many people simply go along to get along; they simply do not want to deal with drama.

Liberating oneself from enslavement to the antics of the ego is further expedited by recognizing that the ego loves to elicit empathy, pity or compassion from others by wearing its pain or victimhood as a badge of courage. “Misery” does, indeed, “love company.” When one operates from the ego, there is a disconnect between emotions, objectivity and logic, resulting in a failure to use common sense or to listen to intuition, which is right 99.9% of the time. In effect, the ego prefers commiserating with other ego driven individuals who are also disconnected, thus, explaining why millions end up living “lives of quiet desperation,” chaos, or perpetual drama. The problem with common sense concepts is that common sense is not so very common among that 78% vibrating below the level of courage who excuse foolish or self defeating behavior in themselves and others.

SITTING WITH PAIN TO GAIN THE LESSON

Healing begins with a willingness to sit with one’s pain or the pain of others to hear its story and learn from it. Of course, this is quite the challenge for those below the level of courage (200) where the ego lives in denial, avoids truth at all costs and runs from the ring of fire or the center of their pain. Who can blame them, really? Pain is not for the weak or faint of heart and is certainly no picnic in the park. Unfortunately, refusing to face, work through, or learn from pain contributes to perpetuating ongoing cycles of pain coming up to be healed; diminished self esteem; incapacity to love; inability to trust again; a tendency to jump to conclusions without gathering all of the facts or evidence; making assumptions based on one side of the story only, usually the ego’s side, which has little or nothing to do with facts or reality; or holding grudges against someone who has not knowingly wronged the other; the wrong exists only in the ego’s mind or imagination. As mentioned in the previous chapter, Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements is a practical tool for raising consciousness. I’ve listed the agreements again with my comments in brackets:

1. Be impeccable with your word [i.e. honesty, courage and integrity enable a person to say what they mean and mean what they say].

2. Don’t take things personally [people act out of self interest and do what they think is best for them; so, since it’s not about you, why take it personally?].

3. Don’t make assumptions [this is a good way to make an “ass” out of oneself].

4. Always do your best [i.e. that way, one has no regrets when it’s time to move on].

In that the ego is hell bent on keeping individuals separate from each other, their God-selves, and the cosmos, while wreaking havoc on others and the very earth that sustains it, it is time to accept that we are at a point in the evolution of human consciousness where it is imperative to gain mastery over the ego and end its hold on humanity if the human race is to create the new Golden Age, which the Aquarian Age offers.

THE EGO’S NEED TO HOLD A GRUDGE

An important step in freeing oneself from the ego’s tendency not to forgive, is to acknowledge the wisdom of the analogy Nelson Mandela shared regarding the fact that when one hates (which is separation from others) one is drinking poison and expecting it to kill the person who caused the pain. In reality, the poison flows from ego identification, which creates stress that ages individuals, makes them sick and causes premature death. The irony is that the person one is holding resentment against is usually not losing any sleep. The reasons are tri fold:

• most people act out of self interest and do what they do primarily because they consider it in their best interest;

• believe it or not, many actually think that they are acting in the best interest of those they hurt;

• everyone does the best they can, given their level of consciousness, education, information, knowledge, skills or lack thereof; and

• most are unconscious and unaware of what they are doing.

Thus, it is pointless to hold individuals who are at low levels of consciousness, over infested with parasites, and who have arrested emotional development, to the standard of behavior one would those operating from higher levels of consciousness and emotional maturity. That realization alone can free one from so much unnecessary upset over the callous behavior of others and from being constantly disappointed by those who are not even in conscious control over their behavior.  

Another powerful death blow to the ego is acknowledging that one does not truly know another. In fact, one does not even know oneself, nor does one fully understand the underlying reasons why one does what one does. So how can one expect to truly know another? On top of that, it is impossible to change others so why not expend that energy on improving oneself, which is a full time job.

Further, in that one often lies to oneself, what makes one think that others won't lie as well?  When one takes into consideration that most people suffer from low self esteem, it is easy to acknowledge that much of what many people tell others about themselves has been fabricated to make them look good or to gain acceptance. Further, one has no way of getting inside of other people’s experiences or pain that is compelling them to act from a limited paradigm or world view. One tends to judge others based on how one would have behaved in a given situation, which is a logical fallacy in that even siblings who are raised in the same household do not behave the same under similar conditions.

HEALING THE OLD WOUND OF SEPARATION

Gratitude not only invalidates the ego, it helps to heal the ancient wound of separation from others and Source energy. We are each a part of the human heart and anything we do to others we are, in effect, doing to ourselves, good or bad. So it makes sense to give out as much good as one can since it comes back to the self anyway. This includes having the courage to tell others the truth and not allowing them to take advantage or violate one’s boundaries.

FORGIVING ONE’S MOTHER REMOVES UNEXPECTED OBSTACLES

What are the benefits of a grateful heart versus the hazards of a hard heart filled with ego generated resentment and ingratitude? Resentment and lack of gratitude toward one’s mother attracts unexpected obstacles that prevent one from fully reaping the benefits of one’s labor. It also creates perpetual struggle in life, which is why one should rush to forgive one’s mother for every wrong one thinks one’s mother has committed.

Moreover, a man who resents his mother will never experience a truly intimate, loving relationship with any woman, just as sure as a man who has not individuated or separated from his mother cannot have a healthy relationship with a woman.

In essence, a humble and grateful heart toward mothers, irregardless of what they failed to give or the harm they intentionally or unintentionally caused, is necessary to remove unexpected, ego generated obstacles or blocks from one’s path to success.

FORGIVNESS OF ONE’S FATHER GENERATES FINANCIAL SECURITY

Gratitude towards one’s father is essential for financial security and career success. Enough said, unless one likes working and having one’s cash disappear as soon as the check is deposited. Dr. Michael Beckwith of Agape International Spiritual Center points out that being in debt indicates an attitude of non forgiveness or a belief that one is owed something by someone. Thus, if one wants to get out of debt and stop attracting it, then letting go of past hurts, losses and resentments will invoke the law of the vacuum, allowing an unending supply of abundance to rush in and reward one for commitment to evolving toward love, light and forgiveness.

Resentment toward one’s father also causes women to have difficult intimate relationships with the men in their lives as well as adversarial or nonexistent relationships with God since patriarchy created God in the image of man. In that the role of the male is to protect and provide, an unhealed father relationship engenders feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, lack of faith in the benevolence of others and the universe, alienation and estrangement.

SURRENDERING STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

It is important to note that crucial to my healing was separating myself from the people and situations that trigger stress. If anyone should know, I know the toxic effects of personality disorders since I wrote one of the first books for the layman on that topic: I Thought I Was The Crazy One – 201 Ways to Identify and Deal With Toxic People. This book was also a part of my dissertation.

Challenges create choices that can lead to new and better outcomes and situations. The good news is that the undesirable situation goes away when one lets go of resistance and a need to change anything other than one’s reaction to others or changing one’s focus toward the things one desires versus wasting time expanding the things one does not want by giving unnecessary attention to them which only adds fuel to the fire. Such time and attention is more productively spent focusing on what one does want. Moreover, in actuality, it is profitable to focus on finding gratitude for being given an opportunity to learn exactly how one does not want to be treated or what one wants or deserves in life or a relationship. A simple change in attitude can propel one to move on to bigger and better things instead of becoming bitter.

WHAT YOU RESIST, PERSISTS

After writing I Thought I Was The Crazy One, I finally realized that the reason I had been a magnet for personality disorders all my life was so that I could (1) write a book on personality disorders for the layman [art acts as a form of catharsis for one’s inner demons while exorcising them] and (2) find the wherewithal to transcend my attraction to personality disorders. I was not aware, at the time, that it was my focus on and attention toward personality disorders that attracted them to me. It was a process that took a few years after the book was published, a second divorce, and a fellowship to Oneness University in India to practice, fully embrace and live what I had learned.

At times, the journey to joy was painful because of my resistance and my desire to control or change the bad behavior of others. I did not get that all I had to do was focus my attention on the things that I wanted, instead of fighting against the things I did not want, in order to manifest what I wanted instead of continuing to create and call forth what I did not want by simply focusing on it. I used to waste a lot of time, energy and money trying to remedy situations, crisis and conflicts created by others, when all I had to do was avoid engaging my energy in such situations or spending time with individuals who thrive off of negativity. The logical fallacy was that pushing against what I did not want would make it go away, when all I had to do was turn my back on it, walk way and focus my time and energy on feeling good and being attentive to what I wanted instead of what I did not want. Wow! Every penny I spent in the process and every agony I endured turned out to be worth the reward of learning that lesson. And I am grateful for every rascal who came into my life just to teach me that, including Pierre.

THE GIFT OF DISCERNMENT

The peace I now experience in my life is worth all the pain I had to go through to gain the wherewithal and the courage to change the program in me that was attracting toxic people or keeping them in my life. Now, I no longer allow into my life needy, fraudulent souls who used to win my affection while depleting my bank accounts. The gifts of discernment, gratitude and forgiveness have granted me a blessed life with only a select few in my inner circle, even though being a professor, public speaker and author require that I interact with many people. Even after divorcing the smoothest, most narcissistic sociopath I have ever been privileged to encounter, it took a fellowship to Oneness University in India for me to find gratitude in my heart toward Pierre to free myself from the toxic effects of resentment. In India, I was asked to find something I was grateful to Pierre for. Initially, the only thing I could come up with that I was grateful to Pierre-Martin Drolet for (yes, I do want to acknowledge him) was unmasking his dark side sooner rather than later. Otherwise, I would have lost a lot more than two years of my life and a lot of energy and money to get him permanently out of my life.

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT MEAN KEEPING TOXIC PEOPLE AROUND

Even though I do not believe in burning bridges, there are some situations and relationships that need to be put utterly and completely behind oneself; thus, the meaning of Christ commanding, “get thee behind me, Satan.” Truly some people are beyond our ability to reach and are only there for us to learn the lesson and move on quickly to the next one. It felt good to finally own the many lessons Pierre came into my life to teach me. I have Oneness University to thank for most of the insights I now own, which include learning:

(1) To follow my first mind, especially in affairs of the heart where one often fails to listen to intuition. In fact, the first time I met Pierre-Martin, I avoided him because my instincts said: “He wants something from you.” Boy, was I right. I had to forgive myself for not following my instincts;

(2) Whenever a negative thought or bad memory used to come up about Pierre, I would say a prayer of forgiveness and gratitude and focus on something more pleasant. Now, I center on staying in a place of good will and grace towards everything and everybody.

(3) I have since learned how to distinguish between real men who honor their masculine role (i.e. to protect, provide and serve the feminine principle in themselves and others) vs. “girly guys” posing as men who want women to serve them and provide for their mental, emotional or financial well being;

(4) To avoid trying to fix broken winged men looking for women to prop them up;

(5) To honor my innately nurturing side by using it to serve those with an attitude of gratitude and appreciation not greedy, ego driven individuals;

(6) That pain is the ultimate motivator, in that the stress Pierre’s malevolence triggered during the divorce ultimately led me to find natural solutions to the debilitating symptoms of lupus brought on by stress which led me to go raw, to write this book, and to experience a complete renewal of mind, body and spirit.

(7) That the price I paid to complete my karma with Pierre and to learn my lessons on all levels was worth every penny lost in the divorce. Now, I will never have to enter another courtroom looking for equity or justice when I can void the problem altogether by staying single and avoiding litigious individuals.

(8) That the time invested in learning my lessons was not time lost at all because I ran into my higher self along the way and was ultimately united with my disowned and abandoned selves. Now we throw exclusive, “private, parties” with only ourselves in attendance doing what India Arie advises in her song, “celebrating the woman I’ve become.”

(9) That within each devastating loss is a big, beautiful blessing in disguise; one just has to find the wherewithal to receive it with gratitude and without looking back with regret over what was lost in the process, especially when one learns that there is so much more waiting in an abundant universe of unlimited wealth, power and potential. All I have to remember is that I am a Divine emanation of the Creator of all that is, as is everyone else; some are simply slower than others in the process of embracing their Divine selves.

LOVE IS LETTING GO OF ATTACHMENTS

“At this point in my life, I want to live as if love is the only thing that matters.”

-Tracy Chapman

My new found energy and peace of mind have permitted me to focus on unconditionally loving myself, others and everything around me. Love of self dictates letting go of any idea, belief or person who does not serve the self or who does not contribute to the overall personal growth and well-being of everyone concerned. Self respect also dictates enforcing healthy boundaries while automatically respecting the right and necessity for others to make their own mistakes. We are not here to control or to change others. We are here to learn how to control our own thoughts, which are our greatest enemy. That is why the original Aramaic translates “Satan” as “crazy thoughts.” Negative, limiting thoughts are the main demons that need to be cast out in that they are primarily controlled by the parasitic ego as discussed in Chapters One through Four.

Free-will means giving others the freedom to choose and to learn their own lessons. Yes, often, those we love do hurt themselves. Unfortunately, pain and suffering is frequently the only way the hard headed or slow learners can get the lesson. Certainly, pain is a powerful motivator in that most people will not change without painful or pleasurable impetus. That is the purpose of the Dark Night of the Soul: Transformation. Breakdown is designed for one to have a Breakthrough. It’s a beautiful thing when one comes out on the other side of midnight.

One can draw comfort from the fact that good and evil both emanate from the same source: divine love. Those who currently choose evil will eventually return to their source, the light. The difficult part is accepting that slow learners not only hurt themselves, but those who love them, over and over, until they figure out that anything they do to harm others also harms them since we are all connected to the same divine source (Carey 29-31). Fear compels slow learners to choose poor substitutes for love: power, materialism, manipulation, and control (all of which calibrate below 200 on Dr. Hawkins’ scale). Life is all about learning to love the self that one might become fully open to and capable of truly loving another (calibrated at 500) versus getting trapped in desire or infatuation which calibrate at 125.

Ultimately, until the “children of darkness” and the “people of the lie” as M. Scott Peck terms them, learn to value and respect truth (which is honesty and integrity), they continue to create craziness, divisiveness and chaos everywhere they go because they do not know how to give or receive love; they do not know that love is what they are looking for. Their low emotional IQs, low frontal lobe brain activity, and the high level of heavy metals, toxins and parasites in their bodies seriously impair relationships and exacerbate separation issues that end up alienating them from those who love them. The following suggestions are helpful in dealing with the toxic people in one’s life:

• Be compassionate and loving by understanding that the high levels of toxicity in some people’s bodies preclude them from behaving any better than they do;

• Look into the mouths of toxic people when they laugh. You will find heavy metals galore. That should prompt you not to argue with them; they won’t get your point anyway because all they focus on is winning the argument at all cost and being right even when they are wrong;

• Get a whiff of their breath and you will understand how impacted their intestines are with blockages and parasites; they cannot help themselves;

• Glance at their bloated bellies (do not stare; it is impolite) and you will quickly get a picture of the buildup of parasites and toxins adversely affecting their personality, behavior and how they feel. At that point, it will then become a bit easier to:

• Become forgiving and detached from a need to have them be different; in their state of toxicity, they cannot;

• Set personal boundaries;

• Educate, inform or guide those who ask for help;

• Choose not to stay in destructive, violent or painful relationships;

• Focus your energy only on what you want in a relationship and not waste energy expanding what you do not want by thinking about what you don’t want: focus only on what you want;

• Seek authentic relationships based on mutual respect, honesty, integrity and love, not desire, lust, co-dependency, dysfunction, or infatuation;

• Embrace the wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson in “Self Reliance” who says “Live no longer to the expectation of these deceived and deceiving people with whom we converse. Say to them … I have lived with you after appearances. Henceforward I am the truth’s … I will not hide my tastes or aversions … I cannot sell my liberty and my power, to save their sensibility.”

Here’s the good news for those dealing with personality disorders, which I revealed in my book I Thought I was The Crazy One, long before “narcissism” became a household word, and in spite of the fact that the Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Psychologists claims that there is no “known cause or cure for personality disorders:” that diet, detox, and dietary supplements significantly alter the dysfunctional behavior of personality disorders. Years later, my research was backed by Dr. Daniel Amen’s clinical research in his book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life wherein he lists the foods and supplements that boost brain function and reverse dysfunctional behavior. See Chapters 3 and 4 for more information. What this book is adding to the field is that parasite cleanses, detoxes and live/raw foods definitively alter the compulsive, irrational, combative, and self defeating behavior of not only personality disorders, but those over infested with parasites. The remainder of this book deals with additional means for living a longer, healthier and happier life, along with practical tools for accessing higher levels of consciousness.

THE PRICE OF NON-FORGIVENESS

Non forgiveness resonates at the same level as Anger (150) which breeds resentment and/or revenge. Dr. Fred Luskin in Forgive to Love says that the “blessing of love is the most remarkable experience of your life.” That being the case, one should cherish it and “take a moment to silently give thanks” that someone picked you “out of the six billion people on earth” to love (Luskin 131).

Anger should be used as a springboard to get one upset enough to be propelled out of an undesirable situation. That’s it! The challenge is that one cannot forgive until one lets go of anger and resentment and it is difficult for most people to find something to appreciate about the person one is struggling to forgive. Again, it becomes easier when one admits that no one is all bad. Moreover, no one is perfect. Why not do the selfish thing and forgive to get to love since love is what everyone is after anyway? More importantly, love is the realm of magic and miracles. When one finally figures that out, it becomes easier to move up the ladder past the six levels of separation between anger and love.

FORGIVENESS THROUGH ZERO LIMITS

Every day I consciously work on healing the faulty program inside of me that attracts anything negative or conflicting in my life. Even though I was already innately practicing the “Zero Limits” process whenever things got overwhelming in my life, after reading Zero Limits by Joe Vitale and Dr. I. Hew Len, I came to appreciate the importance of practicing it EVERY DAY, to prevent mole hills of stress or negativity from turning into mountains and to maintain an ongoing state of inner peace.

Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, co-author of Zero Limits reminds us that “the purpose of life is to be restored back to Love, moment to moment. To fulfill this purpose, the individual must acknowledge that he is 100 percent responsible for creating his life the way it is. He must come to see that it is his thoughts that create his life; the problems are not people, places, and situations but rather the thoughts of them.” One must be “willing to see that … they don’t need healing; you do … You are the source of all the experiences.” One begins by “cleaning the erroneous thoughts within that have actualized” as a problem within others. (Vitale 47, 5-7)

Dr. Len is the famous psychologist who cured an entire mental ward for the criminally insane, without ever seeing the patients. He read their files, identified with their pain, and then took responsibility for fixing the pattern within himself that manifested itself without. He used the following four step prayer/process of “I’m sorry;” “Forgive me:” “Thank you;” and “I love you.”

 

I AM SORRY acknowledges error in thinking and tells the “Divine that you want [help and] forgiveness inside yourself for whatever has gotten into your mind/body system” to cause the problem.

FORGIVE ME means you are “asking the Divine to help you forgive yourself... Asking for forgiveness clears the path for healing to manifest.” What blocks well being is “lack of love.” Forgiveness opens the door to allow it back in.

THANK YOU is “expressing gratitude” and “showing faith that the issue will be resolved for the highest good of all concerned.”

I LOVE YOU “transmutes the energy from stuck to flowing,” which means that you are now able to receive energy into the Zero void because you’ve cleared out the negative beliefs and memories that were keeping you stuck. “I love you” allows “Divinity to come in and fill the void with light.” I love you can be repeated over and over again and can be used even when not conscious of the problem and can be applied before engaging in an activity (Vitale 220, 205, 45).

When the soul experiences memories replaying as problems, say to them mentally or verbally: “I love you, memories; I am grateful for the opportunity to free all of you and me. A memory “is in the collective unconscious of mankind ... Our challenge is to clear all the programs so we are back at zero state, where inspiration can come in” (Vitale 48).

Why would one want to be at zero? Because “when you are zero, everything is available.” Being created in the image of the Divine means that “you were created void and infinite on one side of the coin. As soon as you are willing to let go of the trash and empty it … immediately what happens is inspiration fills your being.” The conscious mind has a choice: It can initiate incessant cleansing or it can allow memories to replay problems incessantly (Vitale 73, 219).

If the problem is with another person one must ask oneself “What’s going on in me that’s causing this person to bug me?” then say “I’m sorry for whatever is going on. Please forgive me.” The individual “petitions Love to rectify errors within” by saying “I am sorry. Please forgive me for whatever is going on inside of me that manifests as the problem. Love’s responsibility then is to transmute the errors within [oneself] that manifest as the problem” (Vitale 46, 47)

Dr. I. Hew Len says that “you cannot be denied anything that is perfect, whole, complete and right for you when you are your Self first … Allowing your toxic thoughts to be first, you automatically experience imperfection in the way of disease, confusion, resentment, depression, judgment and poverty.” To open the way for the inflow of Divine wealth requires first canceling memories. As long as memories (blocks/limitations) are present in the Subconscious, they block Divinity from giving us daily bread. As one cleans, new ideas are given. And some of them could make you very, very wealthy (Vitale 117, 119). To find out more about Zero Limits, go to .

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POINTS TO PONDER

• Nelson Mandela pointed out that when we hate someone or refuse to forgive those who trespass against us, we are drinking poison and expecting it to kill the person who caused our pain. In reality, the poison of non forgiveness stems from ego identification which creates stress that ages us, makes us sick and contributes to premature death.

• Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. The Heart Math Institute discovered that when we are in a state of hatred or resentment, our body produces a substance that attacks our hearts. Thus, the irony is that we are harming ourselves by refusing to take the steps necessary to move beyond pain, resentment and non-forgiveness. Success, living well, and learning the lesson from the pain is always the best revenge.

• Opulence is the nature of the universe. Thus, if we truly want to fill our lives with opulence, which is our Divine birth right, one must equate oneself with the infinite; give thanks daily and be grateful for what is. It is also important to seek to be free of mental attitudes, traditions, habits or customs that are out of harmony with the laws of love which is where prosperity resides.

• Watch everyday attitudes about money and what one says about money, wealth and abundance. That will give you a clue as to why you are lacking or struggling in certain areas of your life.

• If the problem is with another person, ask “What’s going on in me that’s causing this person to bug me” then say “I’m sorry for whatever is going on. Please forgive me.” One must be “willing to see that … they don’t need healing; you do … You are the source of all the experiences … [then] petition Love to rectify errors within [by saying] I am sorry ... Please forgive me for whatever is going on inside of me that manifests as the problem. Love’s responsibility then is to transmute the errors within [oneself] that manifest as the problem” (Vitale 46, 47).

• The purpose of life is to be restored back to Love, moment to moment. To fulfill this purpose, the individual must acknowledge that he/she is 100 percent responsible for creating his life the way it is …that his thoughts create his life moment to moment. The problems are not people, places, and situations but rather the thoughts of them … there is no such thing as “out there” – Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len

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