Online Dating and Senior Citizens



Online Dating and Senior Citizens: A Review of the LiteratureAndrea Estefania GonzalezUniversity of Texas at El PasoAbstract.Senior citizens are increasing their numbers in our society. This is thanks to the advance of technology and geriatric care. It is easy to assume that the seniors just sit around knitting or playing chess, but the reality is very different. Many seniors are engaging in dating and now they have the tools not only to communicate with persons in their community, but also with persons all around the world. Online dating has shown a tremendous impact in how people communicate nowadays and seniors are not the exception, with the patience and experience of the years elders are starting to navigate the turbulent waters of the internet. Is not without risks, as there are many who like to take advantage from those who are less familiar with the online world. The paper will list the pros and cons of online dating in senior citizens and it’s perception of it with the rest of the society.Online dating and Senior CitizensSenior Citizens are an increasing population. The baby boomers who once ruled the economy are now retiring. A whole generation that grew up with things such as Woodstock and the Vietnam War is now being confronted with one of the biggest leaps human kind have ever experienced , the Internet. It is easier to dismiss senior citizens as ‘analphabets’ to new technologies. Ageist remarks are part of the vocabulary of many, and yet the elderly have found in the Internet something that at their age can be classified as troublesome. Dating. Dating is and always will be a very changing and complicated subject. The fear and anxiety is present and not only in hormonal teenagers but also in aging adults. An objective view will be discussed thru the article regarding the topic of online dating and seniors. While answering the following questions:1.-What are the risks associated with online dating for the elderly?2.-What kind of impact online dating has on senior citizens?3.-How older adults engage in the use of the internet to search for a partner?4. - To inform the general public about elderly dating and sexuality?To inform the general public about elderly dating and sexuality?The ageist concept that elder do not practice their sexualities is fairly outdated. Never the less as a society is difficult to speak of this topic. After all, today’s adults or adults in their ‘prime’ were raised by the baby boomers that are aging now. The baby boomers themselves were raised by the silent generation, when a lot of sexuality was repressed. Yet, sexual talks are not far from reality as Price (2011) can say about a survey by the AARP “participants who are single, dating, and having sex, 50 percent of males and 29 percent of females rarely or never use protection. This had led to an increasing number of elder practicing and carrying STD. That is not a matter of shame or dilution, the elderly are practicing sex, safe or not. It can be considered ‘logical’ to inform the elderly as it is informed to the teenagers. It can be considered impolite to wash the dirty laundry in front of the society right now. And it is understandable that many elders prefer to manage their affairs in a quiet traditional way. And that is the actual perception of today’s elders. Yet as Price remarks there is nothing to be ashamed. This elders aren’t getting Hepatitis from sharing needles. The elder are having all the sex that was repressed during the summer of their lives. Experimenting is something they are well to familiar with. It is also worth to understand that the elderly are also very lonely. As most cases of elders in retirement houses are widows or widowers. Now with the help of the internet they are turning capable to have a second chance at romance. What kind of impact of online dating has on senior citizens?Joan Price, an author of several books regarding sexuality begins her 2011 book Naked at our age with the following statement “We spend out twenties and thirties grounding ourselves sexually” (Price, 2011). Being part of the aging generation, she can’t help but to think in her own sexuality now that she is more than half century old. Dating has become an integral part of elder adults that by one or many circumstances find themselves alone in their ‘golden years’. Is in this moments, when dating begins to resurface that the elderly begin to rely in a ‘novelty’. This is the vast internet. Online dating sites such as Match. Com report that 22 percent of their users are more than 50 years old. (Kalk Derby, 2010). Not only that, but according to a report by Sharon (2006) states that the internet has become a “dating mecca’. It can be easy to conclude that in an age of growing technology, those in the edges of the demographical pyramid are reaching towards the tools the internet has to offer. Going online not only had dating applications, but also communication ones as Rutledge (2013) states “My 86 years old father is on Facebook because is how he keeps track of the grandchildren”. Elder are not only reaching the internet for personal reasons but also for not falling behind on a rapidly escalating era.However this impact is not without its risks. According to Dr. Loveday online dating scams are just at the par of the demand, Just in Great Britain 200,000 cases go reported each year (Loveday, 2012). And it is easy to see why. The Internet facilitates “Hyper personal relationships” for the lack of face to face contact. (Loveday, 2012) and according to many, is easier to get to know a person online, as things such as nervousness or embarrassments can be hidden from the other user. This however poses a risk when the “romantic” type of profiles are targeted for this specific reason. This is however, not the only risk when the matters of the heart begin to intertwine with technology and people that users are far to know or interpret. On the other hand it can also have negative impacts as the study the University of Berkeley (2009) reports that “men desire woman that are incisively younger than themselves”. Unfortunately giving a ‘cheating heart’ also the tools to look for a partner elsewhere. This can have devastating consequences for partners that had been together for many years. A more through explanation will be addressed in the following questions of this paper.How older adults engage in the use of internet to search for a partner?The social Media has changed the relationships between humans in so many different ways. Decades ago it was nearly impossible to communicate with people in real life, except with the telephone, something the still didn’t allow an interaction as intimates as the actual smartphones provide now. It is not hard to realize how social media has affected humans in the most basic move, it is, finding a partner. According to a report in USA Today, the internet has become the (Sharon 2006) “dating Mecca”, and it’s not surprise that this feature alone has led to internet user to have “More site in the cyberspace” (Sharon, 2006) Elder citizens who are at the top of the technological advance use dating sites and social networking to find that special someone among the vast data of the internet. Some users like Tom Thrall even consider themselves ‘veterans’ in this new and fertile terrain. (Kalk Derby, 2010) He is not alone.as hundreds of users swindle around dating websites every day. And despite some major objections the social media is often seen as an enhancer of offline relationships. (Rutledge, 2013). Valentine’s Day and such dates provide a flourishing ground for dating websites, as the News reporter by the NBC reporter Jansing (2013) reports in her coverage of this specific subject. Dating websites are on the rise for the elderly who are finding themselves single after years of marriage weather by a divorce of a death. Each elder is not alone as Jansing research throws “In that sense, she’s not alone. Senior dating websites--, SeniorsMeet, and --have a combined four million members. And now AARP, the longtime Washington power player, is lobbying for love--partnering with dating website ” Jansing’s interviewee, a photographer named Dina Mandy places this as “You have to keep moving on. So I'm trying to embrace it and have fun”..This new adaption towards the technology can potentially be a double edged sword. Yet there are many elders who walk the thin line between hope, and despair. The need of companionship is with or without internet one of the most complex aspects of the human daily life. And as humans approach the autumn of their lives the need of companionship, and sexuality turns latent. It is a matter of moderation as Dvorak (2006) states regarding spending too much online “you fly blind and are vulnerable to about and out fraud. And fraud is precisely one of the main risks of online dating, something that will be discussed in detail in the following question.What are the risks associated with online dating for the elderlyThe use of social media also has a very dark side, according to a research by the doctors Hand, Thomas, Buboltz, Deemer and Buyanjargal one of the social network ‘giants’ : facebook. It was tested regarding the couple satisfaction that their users engage. In a very ironic twist regarding the use of the internet for dating, the heavy use of facebook “causes dissatisfaction.” (Hand, Thomas, Buboltz, Deemer, Buyanjargal, 2013). And not only because the continuous use of is this social media often used for users to feel less lonely. Jealousy is a problem all too familiar in the current decade. Is not unusual to hear in the news that a wife found her husband chatting via facebook with a significant other. Also, the fact of sharing information can give rise to misunderstandings, half-truths and straight out lies. Dvorak argues that we are “wasting too much time in the internet doing nothing” (Dvorak, 2006) precious hours of our time are being swept by the winds of the cyberspace. And in this all connected era that’s every time more difficult to stay put. The elderly also can suffer much from this sort of abuses. There is never missing a person who pretends, consciously or subconsciously to trick the other one. And even if it is not the main intention the results are not always pretty. In Debry’s report she found a woman whose second marriage ended in divorce after only ten weeks. They’ve meet online. Deceit and scams are “surprisingly common “according to Doctor Loveday (Loveday 2012) as criminals attack individuals with fake profiles. The results for a psychological damage are not something to be taken lightly as Price (2011) can tell the as the 40 percent of elders who were dumped by a significant other fell into clinical depression.” Scams and deceit are ‘common’ but many elderly are not prepared for that kind of devastating blows and takes a harsh toll on those involved as the time invested can never be gained back. Those who are in the autumn of their live don’t have such luxury of wasting time. The data presented her can have many consequences that are not approached in a simple way. Another of weight to consider is marriage.Marriage is in the traditional sense the ultimate goal of a relationship. And many elder still seek for it while browsing for a partner. As the reporter Sharon of USA today, remarks in her article more than a third of the marriages start online. (Sharon, 2013) According to this study, that cover all age ranges. Now a lot of people is meeting online. It is easier to see this in the younger generation where a ‘Can I have your friend’s facebook?’ can be the begging of something even bigger than just a friendships. Marriage is still a delicate topic with the elderly as statistically elders’ trend to be widows or widowers, and push them in the great sea of communication is a risky move. Despite their many ages of experience elders can be na?ve in the World Wide Web. Yet not all risks are negative. Derby (2010) interviewed a woman who has had “many first dates”, and while she states in “not easy” the thing is to enjoy the fun.03409315Figure 1.1 shows that out of the 22 surveyed, only three showed a negative response to the question. For statistical purposes the positive responses were recorded as the number 1 and negative responses as a number 0. Surveyed people up to number 11 are female respondents and from twelve onwards males, except for number 22 who identified itself neither as a male or a female. 00Figure 1.1 shows that out of the 22 surveyed, only three showed a negative response to the question. For statistical purposes the positive responses were recorded as the number 1 and negative responses as a number 0. Surveyed people up to number 11 are female respondents and from twelve onwards males, except for number 22 who identified itself neither as a male or a female. This can also be true, as the primary research conducted for this particular writing. While surveying 20 individuals in the University of Texas at El Paso, the results did not throw the expected results in the aspect of current online dating. Yet, when questioned about the possibility of a future engaging of online romance the results were outstanding. As seen in Figure 1.1. Out of the 22 persons who took the survey only three showed a negative response toward the subject of dating while being elderly.AdvocacyAs stated in the abstract, the purpose of this research is to inform. And here is the advocacy begins. Despite the decorum regarding the elder citizens, they deserve to free of the ageist misconceptions that bind them to shy away from technology and opportunities. This can be ‘fought’ teaching the elder, just like teenagers are thought today, to be careful, to be attentive to shy away from internet predators. Because if the elderly are informed, they are protected, and if they are protected is a huge step towards a more protected society.ReferencesAlterovitz, S., & Mendelsohn, G. A. (2009). Partner preferences across the life span: Online dating by older adults.?Psychology And Aging,?24(2), 513-517. doi:10.1037/a0015897Derby, S. (2010, August 13). Seniors fall in love with online dating.?The Wisconsin State Journal. Retrived from , J. C. (2006). Unreal Life? Get a Life.?PC Magazine,?25(23), 138. Retrived from: , M. M., Thomas, D., Buboltz, W. C., Deemer, E. D., & Buyanjargal, M. (2013). Facebook and Romantic Relationships: Intimacy and Couple Satisfaction Associated with Online Social Network Use.?Cyberpsychology, Behavior & Social Networking,?16(1), 8-13. doi:10.1089/cyber.2012.0038Jansing, C. (Reporter), & Holt, L. (Anchor). (2013, January 3). Seniors Finding Love Online. [Television series episode]. NBC Nightly News. Retrieved from, C. (2012). Loved and lost in cyberspace.?Psychologist,?25(6), 422-423. Retrieved from , J. (2011). Naked at our age: Talking out loud about senior sex. Retrieved from: (S(5mv1ebrsbezb2oatvswyaqeb))/Reader.aspx?p=684261&o=738&u=80490427&t=1398220996&h=86AA1E16BF008348F324C9F3D1F7FB97C61103C5&s=22712160&ut=2274&pg=1&r=img&c=-1&pat=n&cms=-1#Rutledge, P. (2013, May). [Web log message]. Retrieved from, J., More than a third of marriages are now blossoming online.?(2013) Retrieved from: , J. Online daters report positive connections. (2006)?Retrieved from here are the raw data required for the primary research mentioned above.The surveying took place during the evening of Monday April 21st and during the evening of April 22ndThe data collected consisted of 22 individuals found in the Library premises.With the distribution as follors11 Females ranging from the ages 18 to 40 or more10 Males ranging from the ages 18 ti 40 or more1 Individual who did no identified thyself as a male or female.Following here are the questions asked for the Survey:. In which age group do you identify yourself?a. <20b. 20-40c. 40<2. What gender do you identify with?a. Maleb. Femalec. None of the above3. Do you use the internet frequently?a. Nob. Yes, less than 20 hours a weekc. Yes, between 20 to 40 hours a weekd. Yes, more than 40 hours a week4. Have you ever engaged in Online Dating?a. Yesb. No5. Did you use a specific server? (okcupid, etc)a. No, I have not engaged on Internet datingb. No, only social media (Facebook, twitter etc)c. Yes6. What of the following statements approaches your opinion regarding internet dating?a. Only desperate people use itb. It can be an useful tool, but is too riskyc. It is an interesting tool if used correctlyd. Love it!7. Have you considered dating someone who is your junior or your senior for more than 15 years?a. Yesb. Noc. Depending on the person8. Do you consider online dating a useful tool for the elderly?a. Yes, seniors need loveb. No, is too riskyc. No, they do not know how to use the systems properly9. Do you know any elder who found a partner in his or her ‘golden years’?a. Yesb. Maybe, I was told by someone elsec. No10. If, by the time you are al elder, you are not in a relationship, would you consider using online dating?a. Yesb. No.For graphic purpose, not all the data could be used, however everything was collectd in the following informal table.IDAge GroupGenderIntenet UsageOnline DatingSpecific serverOpinion15 Years GapUseful for Elder?SomeoneOnline Dating for you1aFc00a0bc12aFc00b1ab13aFc11c2ab14aFa00b0ba15bFc00b1bb06bFd00b2ab17bFd00b2ab18bFd00b2bb19bFd00b2cc110cFb00b1bb111cFb00c0bb112aMd00b1ab113aMd00b1bb114bMd00a1bb115bMc00b0ba116bMc00b0bb017bMc00c0bb118bMc00b2ab119cMd00b2bb120cMb00b2ac021cMb00b1bb122bNd10c1ab1In which the negative responses were recorded as ‘0’ the positive responses were recorded as ‘1’. And each of the multiple answer questions are recorded as they were responded.A pick hue was added to the female responders, while a blue hue was added to the male respondents. A color yellow was added for the neutral subject.Legal Notice:By participating in this survey, you consent to the transfer of the information you submit to the?research ‘Online Dating and Senior Citizens’ for the course English 1312. The information collected is for internal research purposes only and will not be publicly associated with you. However, it may be shared the results of this survey with the public in anonymized or aggregated forms. ................
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