Why I Wrote This Book - West Herald



Table of Contents TOC \o "1-3" \h \z \u Why I Wrote This Book PAGEREF _Toc481327284 \h 2The Struggles of Having a Great Sex Life When Struggling with IBS PAGEREF _Toc481327285 \h 3Magnesium and Other Dietary Supplements PAGEREF _Toc481327286 \h 8Performance Anxiety - What Is It and How to Treat It PAGEREF _Toc481327287 \h 12Three Techniques to Cure Premature Ejaculation PAGEREF _Toc481327288 \h 13Five Amazing Sex Energizers PAGEREF _Toc481327289 \h 17Boost Your Sexual Power PAGEREF _Toc481327290 \h 19Overcome These Obstacles to Great Sex PAGEREF _Toc481327291 \h 23The Right Attitudes for Hot Sex PAGEREF _Toc481327292 \h 30Wrap It Up PAGEREF _Toc481327293 \h 34Why I Wrote This Book30232358191500My name is Heather Bowen and I am an ex-sufferer of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I’m now 35 years old and work as a certified nutritionist. For years, I suffered from IBS and anxiety, until, through extensive reading, and research, I discovered simple dietary and lifestyle changes that, once implemented, cured my IBS, my anxiety, and the sexual problems that so frequently co-occur with IBS. It took me years to find things that really worked. And because I suffered for so long, and I know first-hand how awful the symptoms of IBS and associated sexual problems can be, I wanted to share with you what I discovered worked for me, so that you don’t have to go through the pain, anxiety, fear, guilt, and shame that I endured for so long. If you’re like I was, you know that IBS can absolutely ruin your sex life. It did for me for many years. I was in so much pain that I feared sex would hurt, and it often did. I also felt really unattractive, with the bloating in my stomach, the gas, and the constant need to go to the bathroom because of diarrhea. And, to make things worse, I was afraid my partner would find out I had this illness, that I would have an accident in bed or not make it to the bathroom in time, and that would be incredibly embarrassing and shameful, I thought. Sometimes, after having sex, I would be sore and in pain for days at a time. And sometimes sex would make my IBS symptoms worse, too. I suffered for years without getting any help from anyone. I was too ashamed to admit what was happening to me, and I thought it was my fault.If you are suffering like I did, please, read on, and know that these solutions can and will work for you, just as they have for me and countless others who once suffered from IBS and co-occurring sexual symptoms.5080079756000The Struggles of Having a Great Sex Life When Struggling with IBSOne client of Dr. Erika Moore, MD, whom I know, had a terrible time as she struggled not only with IBS, but horrible sexual symptoms as well. To protect her anonymity, I will call her Alice. Alice developed symptoms of IBS in her late twenties — bloating, diarrhea, pain, and cramps — but was not diagnosed until three years after developing these symptoms. And, IBS absolutely ruined her sex life. Alice writes that her symptoms began soon after she gave birth to her son Jeremy. She had such awful pain, bloating, cramps, and diarrhea that she had to be hospitalized a few years after Jeremy was born. During those three years, before she was diagnosed, Alice experienced gut-wrenching pain, especially after eating certain foods like white bread, croissants, or rolls. The stomach cramps, diarrhea, and bloating left her in agony and feeling completely disgusting to her husband, Jeremy’s father, Ron. Because of her untreated symptoms, Alice was not interested in having sex with Ron. She felt unattractive, thought that sex would hurt her stomach, and feared that she would have an accident in the bedroom and not make it to the bathroom in time. The pain got so excruciating that she went to an emergency room seeking relief.At the hospital, Dr. Erika Moore kept Alice overnight for observation, diagnosed her condition as IBS, and prescribed anti-inflammatory medications, stress management exercises, and dietary supplements including magnesium, probiotics, and fiber. The medications helped alleviate Alice’s pain, but did not help with the bloating in her stomach, which was almost always present. She had to wear loose-fitting clothing or else her bloated stomach would hurt more, and she feared that having sex would make her symptoms worse. At the same time, she lost her self-confidence and felt so unattractive that she thought her husband would never want to have sex with her. Many IBS patients experience symptoms like Alice’s, and it is not uncommon for their sex lives to suffer as well. In one study, researchers found that 83% of IBS patients also experienced lowered sex drive, sexual dysfunction or painful intercourse. Moreover, many IBS sufferers report that they avoid sexual activity when their IBS symptoms are present, fearing that gastrointestinal symptoms, such as diarrhea or gas, will occur during sex. 256242257658000Two of the main culprits in these cases are fear and worry. For example, someone with IBS may be afraid that they will need to make an emergency run to the bathroom, if they have diarrhea, and that this or having gas will spoil intimate moments. The fear and worry cause anxiety, which in turn makes the patient’s IBS symptoms worse. Some people even avoid intimate relationships and sex altogether when they have IBS, for fear that a partner might find out they have IBS, which would embarrass them. Or, they may fear having an accident in bed. It is very common for people with IBS symptoms such as gas, bloating, and diarrhea to feel unattractive and unwanted sexually. What’s worse, people who suffer from IBS must deal not only with the physical symptoms of their disease, but also with psychological symptoms such as anxiety, fear, and constant worry. These emotional symptoms can wreak havoc on a person’s self-confidence in the bedroom. For example, if a patient has terrible stomach pains and bloating, they may fear that sex will hurt, so they worry about that or avoid intimacy altogether. All these factors can contribute to IBS sufferers experiencing a lowered sex drive or libido. What’s more, increased stress and anxiety caused by these worries can exacerbate the symptoms of IBS, so many patients get caught in a vicious cycle of worry, anxiety, and worsening IBS symptoms.2680335130556000Both men and women experience sexual dysfunction along with IBS. IBS symptoms can make sexual intercourse painful, decrease sex drive in both women and men, cause worse menstrual symptoms such as cramps and bloating, and even lead to an increased risk of erectile dysfunction or ED — a condition in which a man cannot get or maintain an erection long enough for sexual activity. The cause of both IBS and ED is inflammation; IBS involves inflammation in the digestive tract or gut, while ED involves inflammation in the sexual organs. In one study, researchers found that men with IBS were almost three times as likely to have erectile dysfunction as those without IBS, and this risk increased with age. IBS does not cause ED, nor does ED cause IBS, but patients who have one of these conditions are more likely to have both. Furthermore, in patients with illnesses that often co-occur with IBS, such as depression, diabetes, chronic kidney disease, and cardiovascular disease, the risk of erectile dysfunction increased.Some IBS sufferers also face problems with premature ejaculation, a condition in which the man ejaculates immediately upon vaginal penetration or shortly thereafter. Again, as with erectile dysfunction, ejaculating prematurely can lead the man to worry, feel anxious, and experience stress around sex. And these psychological symptoms can in turn cause the symptoms of IBS to increase or worsen.3709035178244500Other IBS patients report that sex can make their symptoms worse. A third of women with IBS report that sex can be painful and leave them feeling sore for days, and that their gastrointestinal symptoms get worse after sex. Sex can make bloating and pain worse for days, and it can even cause diarrhea. Constipation, a common problem amongst IBS sufferers, can also make sexual penetration painful and difficult. Sexual stimulation and excitement can cause excitement in the gut and digestive system as well, and both anxiety and fear around sex for those who suffer from IBS can increase, as they fear a bout of diarrhea or gas will happen during intercourse.Sexual abuse or trauma early in life can also cause problems with bowel and bladder functioning in both women and men. If a person has been sexually abused or traumatized, enjoyment of sex is replaced by fear and anxiety. As a result, pleasure is suppressed and women, especially, may become dry and tight to the point that sex is painful or impossible. Furthermore, the neural control of the rectum and vagina are very similar, so that if -914400104838500this happens, analogous effects can occur in the bowel, making defecation painful and difficult.For some people who suffer from IBS and sexual symptoms, behavioral modifications can help a great deal: dancing, walking, acupuncture, yoga, drawing, making music, or painting can help the patient gain a confident sense of self and identity, which can help them talk with a professional about the abuse that they experienced. In many cases, sexual abuse and trauma, coupled with irritable bowel syndrome, conspire to cause sexual problems later in life for sufferers. In the following chapters I will discuss additional treatments that can help people who suffer from both IBS and some type of sexual problem associated with the disease.Magnesium and Other Dietary SupplementsThere are many things patients with IBS and sexual symptoms can do to alleviate their suffering. Learning stress management techniques such as meditation and guided imagery can help, as can changes in diet. Exercise can also help to alleviate the symptoms of IBS and associated sexual dysfunction or decreased libido.One very effective way to treat the effects of IBS and co-occurring sexual symptoms is to take a magnesium supplement. Magnesium helps the whole nervous system and can alleviate 324866034353500stress, panic attacks, anxiety, and poor sleep, since it promotes the healthy circulation of blood to all parts of the body, including the heart and sexual organs. One study found that taking a magnesium supplement daily improved the sex lives of male patients, making them more virile and even alleviating erectile dysfunction. Subjects with ED in this study who took a regular daily magnesium supplement found that the duration and quality of their erections improved.A magnesium deficiency may also contribute to premature ejaculation, and taking a supplement or increasing your consumption of foods rich in magnesium, such as nuts, seeds, and leafy green vegetables, can help with both ED and premature ejaculation. Eating a diet rich in minerals such as magnesium may be the best option if you suffer from IBS and sexual symptoms associated with the disease. Be careful if you decide to take magnesium supplements. Doing so can lead to uncomfortable gastrointestinal side effects including stomach cramps, nausea, and diarrhea, some of the symptoms of IBS you may be dealing with already. Start with 400-800 mg of the magnesium supplement, and increase up to 2,000 mg per day, taken in two doses, one in the morning, and one at night. Other dietary supplements can also help alleviate IBS symptoms. Taking a soluble fiber supplement such as acacia senegal can help with overall IBS symptoms. Magnesium can act as a laxative and may help if you are experiencing constipation from IBS, while calcium supplements act as a constipating agent and can help with diarrhea. Both calcium and magnesium supplements should be taken with food, and menstruating women who take calcium supplements should consider taking an iron supplement to avoid anemia. High volatile oil fennel and large leaf peppermint can help the overall digestive tract function properly as well.Probiotics may also help with IBS symptoms. Probiotics are micro-organisms, present in foods with live active cultures, that help with digestive functioning and health. The most commonly used probiotic supplements for IBS are bifidobacteria and lactic acid bacteria. Probiotics can improve the balance of healthy microbes in the intestines and inhibit toxin-producing bacteria and pathogens. They can be taken either in pill form or in soy yogurt. Patients with IBS should avoid dairy yogurt, as it may make symptoms worse.Probiotics can reduce or minimize symptoms such as diarrhea, gas, bloating, and cramps in the abdomen. Probiotics work best when they are taken in conjunction with a prebiotic that encourages the growth of healthy flora in the gut. Many types of soluble fiber act as prebiotics. And, prebiotics can be especially helpful if you have been taking antibiotics. 404812517843500Many prebiotics will lead to a reduction in bloating and gas in the digestive system. Acacia Fiber, for example, is a prebiotic that regulates bowel motility, can help with both diarrhea and constipation, and increases good gut flora growth. This kind of soluble fiber can slow down fermentation in the colon and decrease gas and bloating. Soluble fiber supplements like acacia senegal are natural and safe, may be taken every day, and can help keep IBS symptoms under control and keep the bowel functioning normally, without pain, and comfortably at the same time.Soluble fiber dissolves in water but is not digested. In the colon, it prevents diarrhea by forming a thick gel that prevents the rapid flow of fecal matter and explosive bowel movements often associated with diarrhea. In addition, soluble fiber eases constipation by softening fecal matter and pushing it through the colon more easily and faster.Taking a daily soluble fiber supplement like acacia senegal can help with other IBS symptoms as well. It normalizes contractions in the colon that may be too fast or slow, thereby reducing painful cramping in the abdomen. And, having soluble fiber in the gut can also reduce gas. In addition, prebiotic supplements like this increase the production of probiotics in the digestive tract. Soluble fiber supplements may resolve IBS symptoms as quickly as after a few days; in other cases, it may take up to a few months, especially with constipation.Soluble fiber supplements like acacia are not medications, and the amount you take should increase gradually over time. Do not immediately begin taking a large amount of a soluble fiber supplement like acacia; doing so can cause an increase in gas and bloating. It is much better and safer to start with a small dose and gradually increase the amount over time. If you take laxatives, enemas, or colon cleanses for IBS symptoms, it is very important that you not stop these treatments when you begin taking a soluble fiber supplement, as symptoms may worsen. Instead, continue taking the laxative as you gradually add a soluble fiber supplement, take both for several weeks or months as you increase the fiber amount and decrease the laxative, and then reduce the laxative to zero slowly and gradually. The reason for this gradual switch is that your colon and digestive tract have become dependent on the laxative; drastically reducing it or eliminating it altogether too quickly can have terrible consequences for your IBS symptoms.If you decide to add a soluble dietary fiber supplement, take it in the morning and before meals. Make sure you drink at least 64 ounces of water a day, and do not take too much fiber when you first start taking it.As a bonus, soluble dietary fiber supplements like acacia have many other health benefits. They can help with diabetes, high blood cholesterol levels, and even reduce the risk of heart disease.Digestive enzymes, available at health food stores, can help if you take them just before eating a meal, especially for older people with IBS, since natural digestive enzyme production decreases with age. -6350089598500Performance Anxiety - What Is It and How to Treat It Although most people associate performance anxiety with men, women can also have it. Performance anxiety involves a fear of failure to perform adequately, in this case in the bedroom, although people also experience performance anxiety before a stage performance such as a play or concert. One of the most common reasons people suffer from sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, or an inability to get or maintain an erection, performance anxiety can be a great source of fear, stress, anxiety and worry in the bedroom. Especially after a period of impotence, for example, a man may become obsessed with the idea that he will be unable to get an erection or have sexual intercourse. Women, too, can have such performance anxiety. For example, if they feel they are not aroused or passionate enough, or if they avoid fellatio because they fear they will do it incorrectly and not satisfy their partner. Sometimes, performance anxiety can get so severe that the person becomes so obsessed with watching their sexual performance, and criticizing it, that they can no longer participate in or enjoy sex. In such cases, the man’s erect penis may become limp, as they feel more and more like a failure in the bedroom. And since intimacy and sex are so often mental or emotional as well as physical, the man may create the situation he fears, a limp penis, by worrying about it and stressing over it so much. In other words, performance anxiety and the fear of failure in bed can become a self-fulfilling problem.3136900118237000There are many ways to cope with and overcome performance anxiety. Redefining sex as any kind of caressing, kissing, massaging, stroking, touching, or massage, rather than just intercourse, is a good place to start. Talking with your partner and making sure he or she knows that you desire them is also helpful. Learning relaxation techniques, exercising, and even volunteering or engaging in a new hobby can all help you relax and feel less pressure around sex. Try not to think of sex as merely a personal performance. Instead, think of it as any kind of intimacy in which two people both give and receive sensual pleasure in lots of different ways, and one in which an erection is not necessarily even necessary. Thinking of intimacy in this way, as anything that provides mutual pleasure to two people, means that one cannot be a failure if they receive and give love or pleasure. Finally, focus not only on touch, but on all five senses — sounds, smells, tastes, and sight — and create a relaxing, sensual ambiance for intimacy with music, flowers, drinks, candles and whatever else you want.Three Techniques to Cure Premature Ejaculation268033512001500When a man ejaculates, or comes with minimal stimulation, either before or immediately following vaginal penetration, premature ejaculation occurs. Some men even ejaculate just by touching their partner. Premature ejaculation can be troublesome both for the man and for his sexual partner. The partner may feel upset because she does not have an orgasm, and the man may feel like a failure sexually, and experience anxiety and frustration that in some cases will lead to more stress or even anger and resentment toward his partner. There is often not a physical reason behind premature ejaculation; in most cases, it is psychological or psychosocial. And while many, if not most men have ejaculated prematurely at least one time during their lives, for some it becomes a lifelong and chronic problem.221932545783500Sex therapists used to think, and some maintain this belief, that premature ejaculation was caused by the man’s intimacy issues. However, newer research suggests that this is not necessarily the case. Some men habitually rush through everything in their lives, including sexual intercourse, others bring stress with them into the bedroom, and still others may exacerbate the premature ejaculation problem by worrying or fearing that they will not be able to control their orgasm. In other words, anxiety over premature ejaculation, like anxiety surrounding the man’s inability to get or maintain an erection, can become self-fulfilling. If not treated, premature ejaculation can have terrible consequences for a relationship, including increased anger, resentment, worry and tension surrounding intimacy and sex. Anxiety over premature ejaculation can become so troublesome and distracting that it causes the man to lose his erection. Some couples may become so tense around sex and intimacy that they avoid sexual contact altogether rather than confront the tension in the bedroom. However, there are several physical techniques that can cure or improve premature ejaculation, and sometimes it can be solved simply by improving communication and cooperation between two sexual partners. The first thing a man should do is practice these techniques while masturbating. Try to focus on sensual and sexual feelings, slow down, enjoy the masturbation, and learn about your sexual responses, especially the cue immediately preceding orgasm or ejaculation, in other words the signal that communicates to your brain “I am about to come.”Also, practice these techniques during intercourse, and communicate with your partner about them during oral sex, manual stimulation, and vaginal sex. The first technique involves teasing. Using this technique, either the woman or the man stimulates the man’s penis with their hands, and then stops just before the man ejaculates. Then, after a few seconds, begin to stimulate the man’s penis manually again. Continue to do this until the man can maintain a heightened state of arousal without ejaculating for some time. Most men will find that after practicing in this way, they will experience more intense orgasms.3366135121729500The second technique involves tensing the muscles at the base of the penis just before ejaculation using so-called Kegels exercises. To find the muscles you should practice tensing and relaxing during sex, or stop the flow of urine mid-stream. Another way to practice is to stand with an erect penis and place a towel over the penis, then raise and lower the towel using the muscles in your penis. Practicing in this way should not involve moving or tensing the muscles of the buttocks, thighs, or abdomen. You can check that these muscles are not moving by practicing in front of a full-length mirror. After a few seconds of tensing the muscles, relax them. By relaxing and tensing these muscles during intercourse, sex can be prolonged and premature ejaculation avoided. Some men may even find that they can have multiple orgasms during sex, as it is a fact that orgasms and ejaculation are two separate things, though many people conflate the two since they so often occur almost simultaneously. The third technique for stopping premature ejaculation is called the pinch or the squeeze. When the man is about to ejaculate, either he or his sexual partner pinches or gently squeezes the glans end of the penis, holds it for a few seconds, and then stops the sexual stimulation for half a minute or so. The man’s erection may go down during this time, but the penis will become fully erect again as soon as intercourse resumes. The nice thing about this technique is that the couple can repeat this process as many times as they would like during intercourse to combat premature ejaculation.Five Amazing Sex Energizers 2794635148018500Far too often, couples who have been together a long time stop having sex as frequently as they did when they first got together. It may be that the demands of life — children, work, school, other obligations that sap one’s time and energy — have increased. In any event, there are ways to increase the frequency of intimacy and lovemaking.One way to increase the frequency of sex is to get into good physical shape. When you establish a regular exercise regiment, especially if you exercise with your partner, you may be surprised at how much healthier, younger, more energetic, and sexier you look and feel.Another way is to seek pleasure for yourself and get your needs met, while still being responsive to and aware of your partner’s need to do the same. Don’t be afraid to teach your partner what pleases you sexually. Using this enlightened self-interest approach to sex and intimacy will not only increase you and your partner’s pleasure, but also could lead to both of you wanting sex more frequently.34772609652000Third, dress in a sexy way. Just as you may dress to succeed at work or in social situations, you should dress in a way that makes you feel sexy. Pick colors, styles, and outfits that make you appear your sexiest and most desirable, outfits and styles that also increase your self-confidence. Wearing some grungy, old housedress or sweatpants around the house sends a message to your partner that you no longer care about appearing sexy to them, so be cognizant of the messages you are sending if you would like to increase the frequency of sex and intimacy.Another way to do this is to create rituals that are romantic. Even little things like giving your partner flowers or chocolate, going out on special dates and taking weekend getaways whenever you can afford to, and giving both verbal and physical affection can rekindle dormant passions and attraction. These things may seem trivial or inconsequential, but they work. Why not give them a try?Finally, even if you and your partner live together, or in the same city, and never travel independently, start writing passionate and sexy letters to one another, in which you graphically describe, in detail, your sexual feelings and fantasies. If you cannot come up with the words to express yourself, look for inspiration in romantic poetry and fiction. You may find that these letters can be very effective at re-igniting the passion, not only for the reader of the letter, but also for the writer.Boost Your Sexual Power Earlier in this book I discussed taking a magnesium supplement or increasing your dietary consumption of foods high in magnesium — nuts, seeds, and leafy green vegetables — to improve your sex life. In addition to changes in diet, there are many psychosocial and behavioral changes you can make in your life to boost your sexual prowess, energy, and stamina. 302323515430500Here again I must mention exercise. Exercise not only makes you feel and look better, it also makes you more attractive to your sexual partner, increases your stamina in the bedroom, and studies show that older people who exercise have more and better sex than those who do not exercise. Moreover, those people who exercise regularly also enjoy sex more than people who don’t exercise. Even moderate exercise like walking for 30 minutes a day can help increase one’s sexual energy. Exercise increases blood circulation, reduces stress, and burns calories, as well as increasing confidence. It also increases testosterone release and flexibility, and for men, sustained cardio exercise can help to prolong erections.Laughter and play in bed is also a good way to boost your sexual power. Lighten up, joke, and have fun with your partner. This can be especially useful if you have experienced stress, tension, or performance anxiety around sex and intimacy. If you and your partner feel that sex is a chore or a performance, and neither of you has been enjoying it very much for a long while, try to turn sex into a fun and playful activity again. You may be pleasantly surprised at how effective this technique can be.-914400133844900Natural herbal supplements can also improve your sex life. Try taking herbal supplements such as horny goat weed, ginseng, and tribulus. Taking testosterone supplements can also increase libido, and nitric oxide may enhance sex by increasing the flow of blood to the genitals in both men and women.Changing your diet is another way to boost sexual power and prowess. If you eat a diet high in saturated fats, it will have a negative impact not only on your entire body, but also on your libido. Instead, eat a healthy diet with lots of whole grains, fish and poultry, and fresh vegetables and fruits. There are specific foods that are considered aphrodisiacs or sex enhancers as well. Foods rich in zinc, for example, can boost sperm production and help with maintaining proper prostate functioning; zinc can also help with testosterone deficiencies in men. Oysters, almonds, cashews, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, and walnuts are all good sources of zinc. Arginine, an amino acid, can also help with healthy erections and sperm production; it is found in many types of nuts and seeds.Eating certain salt water fish can increase libido and sexual stamina, as well. These include trout, salmon, sardines, herring, anchovies, and mackerel. Chocolate, too, can boost libido and sexual energy, as it contains both antioxidants and the chemical phenethylamine. However, make sure that you consume it only if it does not trigger an IBS attack or bring you discomfort in any way.-914400109892200Oysters have long been considered an aphrodisiac in many cultures, from ancient Greece to Rome. This is because oysters contain zinc, which boosts sperm production, and, also because eating oysters can boost dopamine levels, which may increase libido in both men and women.Recent research has shown that eating celery can increase pheromone levels in a person’s sweat, making males more attractive to females. Watermelon, too, can increase libido in both men and women, since it contains citrulline amino acids, which increase the flow of blood to sexual organs.Other foods that contain vitamins and minerals that may increase sexual stamina, improve performance, and increase libido in both men and women include: red grapes, dates, onions, coffee, asparagus, peanuts, beetroot juice, apples, citrus fruits, peanut butter, avocadoes, red hot chili peppers, maca root, corn, soya beans, dried fruits, and bananas. These foods work to improve sexual health in different ways. Bananas, for example, contain B vitamins that lower stress and increase stamina. Bananas are also high in potassium, which helps the body produce sex hormones and can increase sex drive in both men and women. Peanuts are high in zinc, which can increase both sperm count and sperm motility. Eating peanut butter, which is rich in monounsaturated fats, increases dopamine, a chemical responsible for increasing a woman’s sexual emotions.-91440099541700Drinking beetroot juice can enhance sexual stamina and increase blood circulation and oxygen levels in the blood, especially blood that flows to the sexual organs. Because of this it can make erections and orgasms better.Red grapes contain high levels of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants that can increase sexual stamina in both women and men. Moreover, eating oatmeal increases testosterone, boosts libido, and improves orgasms for both sexes. Drinking moderate amounts of coffee before sex can also enhance performance.Eating many types of beans — garbanzos, kidney beans, navy beans, and black beans—can increase sexual energy and stamina. Again, make sure that none of them worsens your symptoms.Eating more citrus fruit such as oranges and grapefruit can increase both sperm count and motility. Apples contain phenylethylamine, a chemical that can stimulate sexual excitement and arousal in men and women. Apples are rich in nutrients that promote good health in the penis, testicles, prostate glands, veins and arteries; eating apples can help men achieve and maintain an erection.Eating soya beans increases the production of estrogen in women and helps to keep skin healthy. Maca, a South American herbal root, has been used for centuries as an aphrodisiac, the radish-like plant can improve libido and sexual energy. Corn is high in fiber and contains a mineral called manganese, which strengthens the tissues of sex organs in both women and men. Pumpkin seeds contain omega 3 fatty acids which can contribute to sexual health by improving sex drives and increasing fertility. Eating dried fruits can help alleviate impotency and increase sexual stamina.Another tip is to bury the hatchet on old grudges and resentments. Since both resentments and angry feelings can spoil desire and ruin sex, letting go of these often long-held feelings and forgiving your partner for mistakes made in the past by letting them go can improve sex and intimacy.32518352984500Another strategy is to relive the days when you and your partner were dating, before you ever had intercourse. Pretend you are dating again, and do everything sexual except intercourse: petting, caressing, hugging, kissing, spooning, necking, and so on.Overcome These Obstacles to Great Sex 38233358699500Many life experiences can become obstacles to having a rich and fulfilling sex life. These include illness, disability, loss, experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, other forms of trauma, loss of a job, obesity, chronic pain, and simply aging. Any of these things can have dire consequences on a person’s emotional, social, and sexual development and become obstacles to a healthy sex life. In addition, cultural messages about sexuality, a focus on youth and having a perfect body, as well as religious beliefs about sex and sexuality can also negatively affect a person’s ability to have a healthy and rewarding sex life. Add to these problems the fact that many people learn about sex through pornography, television, and films, rather than high-quality and realistic sex education programs. And too often medical providers tend to medicalize or clinicize sex and sexuality, especially when treating people who suffer from illnesses or are disabled, instead of treating sexual issues as problems of the mind, body, and spirit.Most people also face obstacles in their daily lives to having good or even great sex. These may include work issues, financial troubles, child-rearing, lack of time and energy, stress, and tension from seemingly small daily annoyances such as cars breaking down, traffic, or relatives coming to visit. All these factors can mean a couple’s sex life dwindles from great, to good, to okay to, in some cases, nonexistent. When people find that they lack time for leisure activities, doing enjoyable or relaxing things, and/or sex, what can they do to overcome the obstacles preventing them from having a rewarding and rich sex life with their partner? The good news is that there are a lot of things one can do to improve his or her sex life and overcome the daily obstacles that are ruining sex.One great way is to exercise together. Go to the gym with your partner, workout for thirty minutes either together or separately, take a shower and then get into bed. Studies show that both men and women experience a surge in testosterone, which increases libido, half an hour after working out. Or, if you both enjoy racquet sports, play with or against one another in tennis or racquetball. Competition and playing sports increases hormones and boosts sex drive for both genders.One thing couples can do is to make a commitment to keep their work out of the home, to the greatest extent possible. Discourage business calls at home and if you must take work home from the office, only do work at home in the first or last hours of an evening.Second, be sure to schedule at least an hour every week for just you and your partner. During this hour, do the kind of things you used to have more time for — take long walks, watch a movie, take a shower or hot tub together, lie in one another’s arms and talk. You don’t have to have sex during this hour. The important thing is just to spend quality time together.29057603683000Never go to bed angry at one another or mad. Decide with your partner to avoid talking about issues that are likely to make one or both of you upset for an hour before you go to bed every night.313372545466000Set your alarm for an hour earlier in the morning, and then wake up and make love. A man’s testosterone levels are highest at this time of day, so take advantage of this fact! Alternately, set an alarm to wake you both up approximately an hour and a half after you fall asleep, when your first sexual sleep cycle occurs. Perhaps the two of you can take a shower at this time and make love in the shower, or try role-playing or acting out a sexual fantasy one or both of you have thought about. Try to play and pretend in the bedroom, and step away from your normal, everyday roles of caretaker, breadwinner, responsible parent, jobholder, or dutiful son or daughter who takes care of their aging parent(s). Perhaps you could try being a character from a film, book, or fairy tale for an hour. For even an hour or two, allowing one another to be someone else can make it easier to pretend, feel free, and play in bed. Sometimes role-playing like this can really increase one or both partner’s sex drive, as well. Another good way to make sex playful and fun is to bring toys into the bedroom: water guns, masks, “dress-up clothing,” washable body paint, toy handcuffs. Or you can get actual sex toys either online or form a store that sells them. Make shopping for toys together part of the fun. Playing in the bedroom can do a lot to alleviate stress and boredom.Another tip is to compliment your partner’s body, not just in the bedroom, but especially at times when there is no chance you will have sex anytime soon, like at church or a sporting event. Pay attention to those parts of your partner’s body that they guard most privately: their butt, thighs, waistline, and breasts, for example.Wearing more suggestive or revealing clothing can also do wonders for a couple’s sex life. If the woman tends to wear long nightgowns that cover her body, perhaps the man could get her more revealing boxers and tank tops or lingerie. And if the man wears tattered or unbecoming sweats or tee-shirts around the house, perhaps he could switch to more revealing boxer-briefs and plain white or dark color tee shirts.Do something together besides watching TV before bed. Research has shown that couples who have a television in their bedroom have sex much less often than those who do not. Instead of watching the tube before bed, read to one another, play a game, do a crossword puzzle. Even if you only do this for fifteen or twenty minutes, it can make both partners feel closer to one another. 23336256286500Also, at least one time in every week, schedule a relaxed meal together for just you and your partner. You can either go out to dinner or serve the children dinner separately, and then have a leisurely meal together, perhaps with candlelight and soft music and good wine. Better yet, if you have friends with children, you could do a swap and watch their kids for them one night in exchange for them watching yours on a different night, or just hire a babysitter. The important thing is that you not feel rushed; luxuriate in the time you have scheduled to be together, have a conversation, ask your partner how they are doing.Another suggestion is to be more self-indulgent and allow yourselves to enjoy little pleasures such as taking a bubble bath or going to see a movie. Often, when people are burdened with a great deal of responsibilities and things they must get done, they neglect to allow themselves any pleasure or leisure time, and they may also feel guilty about doing something they enjoy.Both depression and long-held anger can ruin a person’s sex drive. If you find yourself depressed or angry much of the time, you may want to seek professional help from a doctor and/or therapist for these issues. Either one could be an obstacle to a fulfilling sex life with your partner, and medications or therapy may not only help with the anger and depression, but set you on a course toward enjoying sex with your partner again.If you or your spouse find that you are the primary caretaker of an aging parent, see if you can get your siblings or children involved with taking care of Mom or Dad, so that you can take care of your own needs, your marriage and family, and still make time for having a sex life. Try not to feel guilty for taking care of yourselves and investing energy and time in your own needs.301942516573500Another common problem for couples is when financial troubles negatively impact their sex life. A lot of couples who feel stress, fear, and worry about money may harbor anger and resentment around these issues which can make them feel they have no time for sex or intimacy. If money is a recurring problem in your relationship, take the time to make a household budget, look long and hard at spending habits, and re-evaluate your financial goals, either with the help of a professional or on your own. 267652546037500Negative thinking is another obstacle to a healthy and rewarding sex life for many couples. If you or your partner finds that you are constantly mired in negative thoughts, make yourself stop and replace the negative thought with a more positive one. If you are constantly dwelling on things that upset or annoyed you every day, you will likely never be in the mood to relax and have sex with your partner, since sex and intimacy are as much mental as physical.If you and your spouse or partner generally do not go to bed at the same time every night, try to coordinate your bedtimes at least once or twice every week. Even if you only spend ten or fifteen minutes together in bed on those nights, even that short amount of time may make you feel closer to your partner. You could use this time every week to give your partner a ten or fifteen-minute massage every week, or to masturbate together. Another strategy for overcoming obstacles to a great sex life is to be grateful every day for the blessings in your life. Instead of thinking about your spouse or partner’s shortcomings, and those of your parents, children, boss, and colleagues, think about their positive qualities. Perhaps making a mental or actual gratitude list at the end of the day will help you turn negative thoughts into positive ones.Once your children reach an age where they are old enough to understand this suggestion, ask them to respect your privacy. Tell them that you love one another and that you would like them not to interrupt the two of you if they find the door to your bedroom closed.Another strategy is to masturbate a little in the morning, but not to the point where you have an orgasm. This kind of self-arousal during the day may lead to more passionate sex in the evening. If you and your spouse or partner are feeling distance between one another or experiencing a lot of stress in the bedroom, the problem may be that one or both of you has been thinking constantly of a former spouse or lover. Whenever such thoughts arise, do your best to stop thinking sexually about the “other” man or woman, or the “one that got away.”The Right Attitudes for Hot Sex 302323511112500Attitudes are feelings people have about facts, or the mental perspective people have toward a fact, and they can be either negative or positive. As in other areas of a person’s life, negative attitudes can make life unbearable, while positive thinking and attitudes can have a wonderful impact on all areas of one’s life, including sex. Examples of negative attitudes are the belief that a woman does not have orgasms because the man is not satisfying her sexually, or because she is frigid. Another common negative sexual attitude is when a man has trouble getting an erection, the woman may believe she is not attractive to her man, or that she is not passionate enough.However, there are attitudes and positive thinking a person can cultivate, and often once the right attitude is in place, positive action will soon follow.First, partners should learn to trust one another, since the best sex happens when people feel safe and know that they can be vulnerable with their partner. If there is a lack of trust in a relationship, it will almost certainly come up in the bedroom. With this in mind, couples can work toward increasing trust, building confidence, and accepting one another completely so that each partner can shed their inhibitions around sex and intimacy.30232358572500Maintaining excellent health is another good way to improve your sex life. The person who takes good care of their body — by eating a healthy diet, exercising, and getting adequate sleep, for example — will feel better, have more confidence, and enjoy sex more and want more of it. Work on developing healthier habits and you may soon find that your sex life improves as well as other areas. A sense of humor about sex and sexuality is very important, too. Most people take sex far too seriously, and their anxiety and stress about sex and their performance in bed can contribute to making them worse lovers. Try to lighten up, be playful, laugh, and see the humor in awkward sexual moments and encounters. Doing so may help with performance anxiety as well.Another attitude that can help ignite or re-ignite passion in your sex life is a dedication to equality in the bedroom and the relationship. If one or both partner has a sexist attitude, roles may be limited: the man should always initiate sex and the woman should be submissive, for example. If both partners are on an equal footing, intimacy and erotic experiences will improve.In sex, as in life, being knowledgeable is also a great way to enhance sex. Many beliefs about sex are based on misinformation and/or a lack of good information. These can lead to less pleasure, one or both partners feeling upset or hurt, and misunderstandings. Since so many people learn about sex from pornography, popular culture, and even religion, misinformation and a lack of knowledge run rampant in our society. Many people think that women are frigid if they do not have orgasms, for example, or that men who ejaculate prematurely have problems with intimacy. Read, study, and experiment; it will surely improve your sex lives.Be sensual, and recognize that sex is an erotic process, not just orgasm. Sex is a process, full of sensual pleasures at every stage of the process. If both partners in a sexual relationship recognize this fact then they can enjoy and appreciate sex more. The key is to focus not only on orgasms but also on the sensual pleasure of every stage in the erotic process of sex.33610555651500Another attitude that fosters excellent sex is courage. Sex can be ruined by feelings of embarrassment, fear of not living up to expectations or of looking stupid, and fear of failure. Try to be brave rather than afraid, and this will lead to taking risks in the bedroom, trying new things, experimenting with new positions or toys or role-playing, or simply having the courage to ask your partner to do something that you would like. Good communication is also key to good sex. If you can ask for what you want and need, listen effectively, and express yourself assertively without hurting your partner, your sex life will probably be fantastic. Work on developing better communication skills, especially around sexual issues.Generosity and love are two additional attitudes that foster great sex. The best sex happens between two partners who love one another, and lovemaking is enhanced when people can share and give of themselves freely and generously.An involved attitude is also important to have when it comes to sex. Rather than focusing on your performance, be involved with your partner during sex. If you are so focused on your own performance, you won’t have great sex or the intense satisfaction that comes with being more involved with your partner.24479259017000Finally, an attitude of freedom is essential to great sex. Instead of focusing on what you think you should do, try to focus on what you and your partner want. This attitude can lead to true sexual freedom, the freedom from thinking about what you think you should want rather than what you really do want.Wrap It UpImproving your sexual life is possible and now you have all the necessary tools to do so. Don’t worry if it can be a little odd at first. I also experienced a lot of discomfort doing certain things or simply talking about it at first, as I am a more introverted person. It was hard for me to open up and be able to change things as much as I did. However, if you take it slow and make it comfortable for you, your sex life will improve drastically. Talk about it, try new things, eat healthy, discuss with your partner, and try not to over think it. This way, you will allow your body to take its time and do the necessary changes in the correct manner. However, make sure that you take it slow and only continue doing what best works for you. There may be foods, for example, that may not be the right ones for you due to the fact that they may trigger attacks, or bring discomfort. I can only wish for you what I wish for everyone going through this terrible situation: that you apply the methods that I shared with you and succeed in reaching the level of your desire. ................
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