6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
12 Step Programs Don’t Want You To Find Out!
Helping You Create A Better Life
Without Alcohol
By Mary Ellen Barnes & Edward W. Wilson
4020 Palos Verdes Drive N Suite 201
Rolling Hills Estates, CA 90274
888-541-6350
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers
Know That You Don't,
And …
12-Step Programs
Don't Want
You To Find Out!
By
Mary Ellen Barnes, Ph.D.
& Edward Wilson, Ph.D.
Published by:
Y.E.S., Inc
4020 Palos Verdes Drive, North, Suite 201
Rolling Hills Estates, CA 90274
310-541-6350
MaryEllen&Ed@
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S.,
Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form,
by any means (including electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise)
without the prior written permission of the publisher.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Secret #1- You Aren't Powerless!
Why Not AA?
What happens if or when you go to an AA meeting? When
you arrive and sit down you’re probably feeling a little
unsure of yourself and then one of the first things you’ll
hear is that you’re powerless over alcohol.
Just when you’ve finally taken the initiative to deal with
your drinking problem you’re told you’re powerless. And if
you’re like most people that undermines your self-confidence
even more. Not what you want or need.
Are you someone who is truly powerless? Is it really
helpful to see yourself as powerless?
Let’s take a quick look and see if this basic principle of the
AA treatment program applies to you or… if it’s complete
nonsense.
Your Successes
Are you truly powerless in other aspects of your life? For
99.9% of people the answer is a resounding NO. Over the
years you’ve had success in many areas including work,
sports and marriage.
Maybe in high school, you made "the team;" graduated
with honors; got into your college of choice. As a young
adult you may have graduated from college; gotten
married; begun a promising career; started a family; and
bought your first home. Doesn't sound powerless to us!
Like all of us, you've experienced both success and
occasional disappointment. But you were hardly powerless.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
And you are no more powerless today than you were then.
Quite the opposite.
When someone tells you you’re powerless to deal with
alcohol it’s a cop out, an easy way to deny your
responsibility and never actually make any progress in
resolving the problem. It’s also a devious way to bind you
to a 12-Step group … forever.
Once you’re hooked on the idea that you’re powerless and
the only people who can help you is the 12-Step group,
how much progress do you think you’ll make? In a word
NONE!
Retrieve Your Power!
You have the power to change. What you need is expert
guidance in how to exert personal control. Imagine if you
were struggling to lose weight and someone told you that
you were powerless. You’d be doomed to failure. That’s
what will happen to you if you buy the nonsense that
you’re powerless over alcohol.
Is that what you want? Or do you want to be someone who
is in control and on the track to success? If it’s the latter,
you’re thinking is going in the right direction and you can
achieve your goals. The first step is to ignore that
nonsense about you being powerless.
You have the power to make choices and changes and
don't need groups, labels, and more irresponsibility to go
with it. You can use good short-term help to change.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Don't Sabotage Yourself!
Research shows that people who believe they are
"powerless" are far more prone to relapse into destructive
drinking than those who don't.
Don't let "powerlessness" and the "disease" model keep
you from seeking help in the early stages of alcohol abuse.
Ready to stop being labeled as powerless and take
control? It's up to you. You have the power to decide
your future.
Call us at 888-541-6350 or contact us through our
website:
and start reclaiming your life.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Secret # 2 - You Really Don't Have
An Incurable Disease!
It's Not A Progressive, Terminal Sickness!
If you have ever been to alcohol rehab or AA or talked to
almost anybody about alcoholism, you have probably
noticed that nearly everybody immediately puts on solemn
faces and then they say "Well, you know, it's a disease.
You'll need to stay "clean and sober" for the rest of your
life, or it will kill you. " Wrong!
There is no evidence that it's a disease and ample
evidence that it isn't progressive. Alcoholism is a symptom
and a coping mechanism that's gotten out of control.
It's easy to forget that alcohol is a drug, and, as its
popularity shows, an extremely effective one. It reduces
anxiety and tension with speed and effectiveness – not to
mention availability - other drugs can't hope to match.
So stop thinking about alcoholism as a disease and think
about it as a sign that other things in your life that are not
working.
Drinking too much is a behavior that needs to be modified
or eliminated. You do it with other behaviors all of the
time, you can do it with alcohol, too.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Where'd This "Disease of Alcoholism" Come From?
Partially it came from treatment programs hoping to cash
in on medical insurance – if it’s a disease, insurance will
pay for it. The only trouble was the insurance companies
quickly realized that "disease" based (12-Step) programs
rarely worked, so they essentially quit paying for them.
For individuals it provides an "out" for people who wish to
continue an alcohol centered life under the guise of being
helpless victims – people who wish to maintain the
behaviors but escape the criticism of friends, family,
employers, and judges. You have to admit there is some
appeal there.
Any appeal the disease model may hold, however, ends
when you actually want to fix your life. Then it simply
becomes a stumbling block, one which, if you embrace it,
will kill you. You will just keep going to meetings,
relapsing, bingeing, and "recovering" until you're dead.
Do you want a "disease, or do you want to be a fully
functional person who re-asserts control over a once useful
coping mechanism that's gone awry?
Want to cure your "incurable disease?" Tired of
being a victim? The choice is yours - do you want a
real life?
Call us at 888-541-6350 or contact us through our
website:
and start to start living again.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Secret # 3 - It's Dumb To Wait To
"Hit Bottom"!
Please Be Smart!
Everyone's told you that you have to "hit bottom" before
you'll be ready to recover. Do you actually want to wait
until after you've lost your marriage, your career, your
home, your money, and are living in a box under the
freeway ramp with a shopping cart full of secondhand
clothes? At that point, why would you bother to sober up?
We think that's a dangerous concept to base your health
care decisions on. Consider, for example, how that would
play out in maintaining your home...
“Well, you know,” they’d say, “you can't fix the drip under
the sink until the pipe breaks and floods the kitchen."
Or, how about, "No point in starting a diet until after I
have a heart attack; or lowering my blood pressure until
after that stroke…"
Please. Is that any way to live your life?
But that’s most alcohol treatment providers' party line.
Let’s look at alcoholism as if actually were a disease.
Act Now!
What do we know about real illness? Well, first there’s
prevention, then there’s regular checkups, then early
detection, then… Oops. Early detection? What happened to
“hitting bottom?”
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Of course that's the problem. With illness, we don't wait
until the patient is nearly dead before beginning treatment.
Effective treatment is begun, good follow-up maintains the
progress, and changes in the patient's life are instituted
that will sustain the recovery.
It shouldn't be surprising that this same model works well
for diverting you from alcohol abuse and dependence. The
trouble is you've been discouraged – by mythology,
stigma, and "lifelong recovery" - from getting help in the
early stages when complete remission is not only possible,
but likely.
So, don't be lulled by thoughts like: "I'm not that bad off;"
and "I don't drink as much as Larry;" and other
rationalizations. You don't need to "hit bottom," whatever
that may mean to you. Act before drastic measures are
needed and dire consequences appear.
Don't you want to take action today before your
world crumbles around you? If you don't, who will?
Call us today at 888-541-6350 or contact us through
our site:
before it's too late.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Secret # 4 - You Don't Need 30, 60,
Or 90 Days Of Residential
Treatment!
90 Days! That's Nuts!
Just when you've decided to look for some help, you find
that all the rehab programs want you to spend a minimum
of 30 days with them, preferably longer. You don't have 30
days to go off to treatment somewhere. Thirty days is
longer than your vacation. People will find out. You'll have
to tell your boss! And it is really expensive!
"Where am I going to find the time, or the money, to do
30 days of rehab, much less 60 or 90? I can't!”
Fortunately, you don't have to. You may need a few days
respite and sorting time, but you don't need the wasted
time and money, the disruption, or the lack of
confidentiality.
“They said that the longer I stayed the better my chances
of success. Is that right?”
What's Success?
WRONG! 12-Step based programs tend to be quite
creative in defining success. “Was not noticeably
intoxicated while here,” is a common one. Stay three times
as long and you're automatically three times as successful!
Another aspect is their insistence that you fit yourself to
“The Program.” Obviously the more time they have to
isolate you and indoctrinate you the more apt you are to
"fit."
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Not much different than military basic training – take a
vulnerable person, confine them, and mold them. We don’t
much like that model, especially for smart, creative,
mature adults. We think you should develop your life, not
convert to someone else’s religion.
Avoid "Filler"
"But everyone goes away to rehab, so it must be better
than outpatient treatment – right?"
WRONG! We’re biased, of course, since we do outpatient,
but we also do it because, usually, it’s far more effective,
cheaper, less disruptive, and designed around you – not
“The Program.” Most of your time in a residential program
will be spent on filler. Let's take a quick look at a typical
day:
Breakfast
Chores
12-Step meeting billed as "group counseling"
An hour with your counselor (maybe)
Lunch
12-Step meeting
Journaling and working on your "steps"
Recreation time
Dinner
Evening presentation on "the Steps"
Actual professional counseling probably won't add up to
more than a few hours a week, if that. Not much to show
for your $30,000 to $100,000 vacation from reality. You'd
be far better off going to a spa than to residential rehab.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Take A Break!
We are not so biased, however, that we don’t recognize
that you may need some relief and protection, and enough
rest to sort your thoughts and options. Some people can
do that in a few days, others need longer. Just choose your
"retreat center" with care – and, yes, we know that can be
extremely difficult to do when your world is crashing
around you.
Don't want to waste 30 days and $30,000? We don't
blame you.
Call us 888-541-6350 or contact us through our
website: to
learn how you can start your full recovery in as little
as 5 days!
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Secret # 5 - You Don't Really Have
To Be “In Recovery” Forever!
Get Over It
Do you really want to be "in recovery" forever? Of course
not! It's boring, depressing, humiliating, and bad for you.
You want to get a grip and get over it.
Besides, focusing on alcohol won't reduce your dependency
on alcohol and being "in recovery" is more apt to make
you drink than save you from it. Don’t you want to focus
on where you want to go, not where you've been?
You wouldn't drive looking in the rear view mirror, would
you? NO! And you wouldn't work to improve your golf
game by focusing on slices and missed putts or how awful
you played last year.
That's exactly what going to endless meetings is like. All
those depressing people sitting around on uncomfortable
chairs, drinking bad coffee, dying for cigarettes, and
introducing themselves with, "Hi, I'm Fred, I'm an
alcoholic." With that focus, that identity, he'll stay an
alcoholic, but you don't have to.
Focus!
Instead focus on your life without alcohol's problems, just
like professional athletes focus on being winners.
Successful people concentrate on doing things right, not on
what they did wrong.
Have you ever watched those amazing girl gymnasts in the
Olympics as they work on the balance beams? Do you
think they focus on falling off? No, they visualize doing
their best and winning.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Have you ever hung a picture and got ready to drive a nail
into the wall? Of course you were afraid you'd hit your
thumb instead of the nail with the hammer, and, that
worry being your focus, you did just that. Ouch!
Granted, we're not all Olympic athletes, but success in
every endeavor follows pretty much the same path. Focus
on where you want to go, not where you've been or what
you're afraid of; on how you're going to get there, not how
you got stuck.
That's right. You'll change your alcoholic behaviors a lot
more successfully by NOT focusing on them for the rest of
your life.
Get A Life
Moving ahead means changing, getting a better life
without an alcohol focus. As obvious as that may sound, it
isn’t easy. That brings us back to the question of being
fully recovered. Granted a 12-Step habit is less destructive
than active alcoholism, but it’s still a life diminishing focus.
Recovered means you've successfully replaced alcohol
fueled behaviors. It’s the best insurance you can get
against a return to the bad old days. Yes, occasionally
you'll be tempted to revert to your former habits, but
having an interesting life which has no room for alcohol
abuse is the best way to maintain success.
Want to be "recovered" not "recovering?"
Not interested in wasting the rest of your life in
mindless meetings?
Call us at 888-541-6350 or contact us through our
website: to
recover now!
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.13
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Secret # 6 - Moderation Is A
Possibility, Not A Pipe Dream!
Reality Check!
Much as we would all like to scarf down quarts of ice cream
and entire packages of Oreos at one sitting, mostly we
don't do it. The same goes for hitting the accelerator and
driving through our neighborhoods at 100 mph. We don't
usually do that either.
Moderation and good judgment go together, whether in
eating, driving or drinking.
Just because you got a speeding ticket, or four, doesn't
mean you can never drive again or that you have to go to
traffic school everyday for 90 days.
Just because you raided the freezer for ice cream a few too
many times doesn't mean you can never eat dessert again.
Most of you have been told, however, that if you drink too
much, you have to stop drinking. Forever and ever and
ever.
And never drink even one tiny little glass of wine or beer?
Or you will soon be a hopeless drunk living under a
freeway bridge, in a box, with all your possessions in a
grocery cart?
Use Your Head - Not AA Bumper Stickers
That's what 12-step programs and AA want you to believe.
That is just ridiculous! Many of you can learn to moderate
your drinking or quit for a while and once you have things
under control, go back to drinking at healthy levels.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
People call us all the time and the conversations go
something like this: "I don't want to quit, I just want to
drink less. None of you people will talk to me." "We will,"
we say. So, does that mean it might be possible to drink
again sometime once you've gotten a handle on your
problem? Yes.
Consider The Real Research
Let's look at the research. The 2001-2002 National
Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions
(NESARC), based on a sample of 43,000 U.S. alcoholics,
found that two-thirds of the problem drinkers were better
and half of those had returned to normal, healthful,
drinking patterns!
When you're ready to reduce your dependence on alcohol
we're here to help. If you want to try moderating your
alcohol use, you should have that choice.
Want to be able to have an occasional drink? Wine
with dinner? You may not have to quit forever.
Call us at 888-541-6350 or contact us through our
website:
for the real story on moderation.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Why Procrastination is Your Worst
Enemy!
We all wait too long.
We put off going to the dentist and doctor. We don't get
that oil change done until the dashboard light starts
blinking, or the tires replaced until they're bald. We wait
until our pants don't fit to go on a diet, or, more often, buy
bigger pants.
Mostly it doesn’t matter too much.
But when your life is dissolving in front of you?
• When your 6 year old says to his little brother,
"Let's play drunk!"?
• When your spouse consults a divorce attorney?
• When your employer refers you to the
Employee Assistance Program?
• When your doctor reports that your liver's half
shot?
• When you get that second DUI?
What's it going to take in your case?
• You're smart enough not to wait any longer!
• You'd like to remodel your life before it
collapses and you lose people and
opportunities you'll never get back!
• You're ready to quit doing the same old things
and hoping for a different result.
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.16
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Ready to really fix the problems?
Which solution is right for you? AA with it's endless
meetings, powerlessness and relapses or a
permanent, personal, and effective non 12-step
solution?
The choice is yours.
Whatever you decide, it's up to you to take action
today. If you don't act now, when will you?
Don't wait until it's too late. Call us today at 888-
541-6350 or contact us through our website:
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Want Expert Help?
The treatment approach we provide is based on one simple
concept: You have the power to change your life.
Not only can you eliminate your alcohol abuse, but you can
have a better life than you ever imagined.
Hi, we're Ed Wilson and Mary Ellen Barnes and we've spent
over 20 years helping people like you leave their alcohol
problems behind. Permanently! Privately! Efficiently! And we
can help you do it, too!
So how did we become non 12-Step treatment gurus? Simple. We're
the type of people who like to figure out how to make stuff work
better. Or discover what does work when the available programs
don't.
When Ed had his own alcohol problems, he took a look
around at treatment options and decided that he'd rather
stay drunk. That wasn't really a satisfactory choice so he
spent two years figuring out what would work for him. Along
the way he found approaches that others could benefit from.
When Mary Ellen's family had problems and she had to find
help, she was frustrated to discover there really weren't any
options, just variations on the same old failed men's 12-Step
themes. Women's options were even worse. She decided that
others shouldn't have to go through the same "no choice"
frustrations she had.
Together we realized we could offer clients solutions that no
one else could, or would. Real, personal, private, effective,
efficient, and permanent solutions that lead clients to live far
better lives.
Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…
Are you ready to fix your life? To build a better
future? To leave alcohol's problems behind?
We accept only 5 new clients every month.
So call us today at 888-541-6350 to reserve
your place. We're here to help.
Here's what some recent clients have said:
"J. is much better! It's really good to know that you are
out there trying to free people up rather than tying them in
chains for the rest of their lives. Your program is definitely
worth the time and money." - GG, Miami, Florida
"Now my alcohol problems are a memory instead of
an ongoing focus. Every time I'd gone to AA I ended up
drinking more! I couldn't understand it until you showed
me the research and helped me create my own life again.
Thank you so much. You have a great program." - M. K.,
Hollywood, CA
"Since working with you, I have a life again. After my
husband died and my son moved away I was lost. Drinking
hadn't ever boon a problem for me, but suddenly I was
drinking more to fill all of the empty days. You showed me
how to develop interests I'd forgotten I had, make new
friends, and regain my health and sanity. My work with
you was the best investment I ever made." - N.C.W.,
Minneapolis, MN
"I came to you looking for help for my wife, and I
ended up getting the help I needed too. When we both
got rid of our bad behaviors we found each other. You
didn't just save our marriage; you helped us build one that
amazes us both. Thank you!!! Your approach is awesome."
- K. & D. P., Washington, D.C.
Join these successful people.
Call us today at 888-541-6350
© Copyright 2008, Mary Ellen Barnes, PhD & Edward W. Wilson, PhD., Y.E.S., Inc.
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