Interpersonal Skills & Application Options
Interpersonal Skills & Application Options
|Skill |Definition |
| | |
|"I" Language |A communication skill where the speaker takes |
| |ownership and responsibility for their message by |
| |claiming it as their own. |
|. | |
|3 R's of Listening |The process of listening which involves preparing to|
| |listen (Readying), encouraging the speaker to say |
| |more (Reaching) and paraphrasing what the speaker |
| |has said (Reflecting). |
| | |
|Adapting to Differences |Being flexible about our communication with others |
| |by adjusting our attitudes (by being open-minded), |
| |acknowledging differences, assessing others without |
| |judging them and consciously choosing the best |
| |technique for that person and situation. |
| | |
|Asking for Feedback |Asking others for their reaction to you or to your |
| |behavior. |
| | |
|Assertive Format |An assertive technique where you express to the |
| |other person the full range of your thoughts and |
| |feelings to others while expressing respect for |
| |them. "I feel (emotion) when you (behavior), I would|
| |prefer (alternate behavior) and/or |
| |(positive/negative consequences)." |
| | |
|Assertiveness |The ability to share the full range of your thoughts|
| |and feelings without judging or dictating to others.|
| | |
|Attending |The process being aware of information that is |
| |coming in from the environment and selecting what to|
| |pay attention to. |
| | |
|Awareness Wheel (Clear Message Format) |A format which describes all elements of the |
| |awareness wheel so you can express yourself as |
| |clearly as possible. "I think that you are |
| |(conclusions) because (sense data), about that I |
| |feel (emotion) because (impact) and I want to |
| |(desire)." |
| | |
|Broken Record |An assertive technique where you say what you |
| |want/don't want over and over again. This calm |
| |repetition demonstrates persistence without |
| |emotionality |
| | |
|Calling People by Their Names |A communication technique where you remember and |
| |call people by their name. In order to remember |
| |names, it's important to attend carefully as you |
| |interact with them and use their name a few times in|
| |a conversation with them. |
| | |
|Cognitive Complexity |The ability to form a variety of different |
| |explanations for the same thing. Cognitive |
| |complexity helps you consider issues from several |
| |angles which may prevent overreacting or |
| |misunderstanding the situation. |
| | |
|Compromise |An approach to conflict resolution in which both |
| |parties attain at least part of what they wanted |
| |through self-sacrifice. |
| | |
|Conciseness |A verbal communication technique where the sender |
| |expresses their thoughts and ideas clearly by |
| |avoiding information overload. "Getting to the |
| |point" is a synonym for conciseness. |
| | |
|Concrete and Specific Language |A verbal communication technique where the speaker |
| |avoids being vague by choosing words that symbolize |
| |their exact thoughts and feelings. Concrete and |
| |specific language is considered "low on the |
| |abstraction ladder |
| | |
|Confrontation |A conflict resolution technique where you point out |
| |to the other person the effect that his/her behavior|
| |has you and the possible consequences of their |
| |behavior. |
|Confrontive Format |A conflict resolution technique where you directly |
| |express to the other person how their behavior |
| |affects you. "I think I understand that you |
| |(empathic statement) and when you (description of |
| |behavior) I feel (emotion) because (reason for |
| |emotion). I would prefer (alternative behaviors) |
| |and/or (positive/negative consequences). I am |
| |concerned because (affirmation of relationship)" |
| | |
|Descriptive Speaking |A verbal communication technique where you state |
| |what you see or hear in objective language without |
| |evaluating. |
| | |
|Details and Examples |A verbal communication technique where a person |
| |gives specific details and concrete examples while |
| |speaking to help the listener get a clear picture of|
| |what the speaker means. |
| | |
|Disputing Irrational Thoughts |The process of being aware of illogical thinking, |
| |monitoring your emotional reactions, explaining why |
| |your irrational belief doesn't make sense and |
| |finding alternative ways to view the thought or |
| |issue. |
| | |
|Empathizing |Projecting oneself into another person's point of |
| |view, so as to experience the other's thoughts and |
| |feelings. |
| | |
|Equality |A type of supportive communication where the sender |
| |regards the receiver as worthy of respect and as |
| |worthwhile as oneself. |
| | |
|Fogging |An assertive technique where you accept criticism |
| |you believe to be manipulative by calmly |
| |acknowledging to your critic the probability that |
| |there may be some truth in what they say, yet it |
| |allows you to be the judge of what you do. |
|Giving Feedback |A manner in sharing your perceptions with others |
| |that is considered helpful and concrete. The steps: |
| |Be appropriately descriptive, be specific, focus on |
| |changeable behaviors, focus on the present, own the |
| |feedback, give it directly to the person involved, |
| |focus on the needs of the relationship, give |
| |feedback that has been asked for and share your |
| |impressions provisionally. |
| | |
|Immediacy Skills |Communication techniques that show you are genuinely|
| |interested in other people. The skills include being|
| |attentive, making appropriate eye contact, nodding, |
| |smiling and other appropriate facial expressions, |
| |gesturing, being at an appropriately close distance |
| |from the other person, having open body posture and |
| |positively reinforcing the other person and their |
| |ideas. |
| | |
|Initiating Skills |The communication techniques people use in order to |
| |strike up a conversation with someone they don't |
| |know. These skills include: seeking out open people,|
| |taking advantage of conversation-pieces, smiling and|
| |making eye contact, starting with a positive opener,|
| |keeping the conversational-ball rolling, listening, |
| |and ending the conversation gracefully. |
| | |
|Interaction Management Skills |Communication techniques that keep interactions |
| |flowing smoothly. These include behaviors such as |
| |conversational turn taking, politeness, equality, |
| |openness, appropriate self-disclosure, questioning |
| |and paraphrasing. |
| | |
|Interpretive Statements |Statements that offer your perception of an event or|
| |person -- what it means to you. |
| | |
|Labeling an Emotion |Recognizing (from nonverbal reactions and thoughts) |
| |what emotional state a person is feeling then |
| |finding a vocabulary word for the specific |
| |feeling(s). |
| | |
|Listening |The process of hearing, attending, understanding, |
| |responding and remembers an aural message. |
| | |
|Owning and Expressing Feelings |Making an "I" statement to identify yourself as the |
| |source of an idea or feeling. Feeling statement = "I|
| |feel (emotion)." |
| | |
|Paraphrasing |Restating a speaker's thoughts and/or feelings in |
| |the listener's own words. |
| | |
|Perception Checking Format |A three-part method for verifying the accuracy of |
| |interpretations, including a description of the |
| |sensory data, at least one possible interpretation, |
| |and a request for confirmation of the |
| |interpretation. "I notice that you (sensory |
| |data/behavior), to me that means (interpretation), |
| |is that right (request for clarification) " |
| | |
|Pillow Method |A method for understanding an issue from several |
| |perspectives rather than with an egocentric "I'm |
| |right and you're wrong" attitude. |
| | |
|Politeness |Relating to others in ways that meet their need to |
| |be appreciated and protected. |
| | |
|Praising (strokes) |Describing the specific positive behaviors or |
| |accomplishments of another and the effects that the |
| |behavior has on others |
|. | |
|Provisional Statements (Provisionalism) |A supportive style of communication in which the |
| |sender expresses a willingness to consider the other|
| |person's information or perceptive. Using wordings |
| |that suggest that an idea is an opinion or may not |
| |be entirely true. |
| | |
|Questioning |A verbal communication technique where a person |
| |phrases a sentence to get additional information. |
| | |
|Receiving Feedback Non-Defensively |A manner of accepting feedback (or criticism) |
| |without attacking the person or the information |
| |given. Seek more information through questioning, |
| |paraphrase, use the reflective response, affirm the |
| |other's right to have their perceptions, and thank |
| |them for communicating with you. |
| | |
|Reflective Response Format |The listening techniques where you restate what the |
| |speaker said into your own words. "You feel |
| |(emotion) because (reason), is that right?" |
| | |
|Remembering |The ability to recall information. |
| | |
|Self- Disclosure |The process of deliberately revealing information |
| |about oneself that is significant and others would |
| |not normally know. |
| | |
|SOLER Stance |A physical attending position where you face the |
| |person Squarely, use Open body posture, Lean forward|
| |slightly, use appropriate Eye contact and look |
| |Relaxed in this position. It is used to show others |
| |were are listening to them and to help us stay |
| |focused on them. |
| | |
|Supporting |Making statements whose goal is to soothe, approve, |
| |reduce tension, or pacify the other by acknowledging|
| |that you understand what the other is feelings and |
| |you support that person's right to be feeling that |
| |way. |
| | |
|Versatility |The ability to handle our behavioral preferences and|
| |tendencies (such as our communication style) in a |
| |skilled way, without producing tension or |
| |defensiveness in others. Regarding communication |
| |styles, versatility is being flexible with our |
| |behaviors such that we can adapt to any |
| |communication style the other person is. |
| | |
|Win-Win Problem Solving |A conflict resolution technique where the goal is to|
| |find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone|
| |involved. The steps are: Identify the problem and |
| |unmet needs, make a date, describe the problem and |
| |needs, consider the other's point of view, negotiate|
| |a win-win solution, and follow the solution. |
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