HEA Premarital Christian - Individual Counseling

Happily Ever After

FOR COUPLES PREPARING TO MARRY

Program Materials

Caring Couples, Happy Lives

Happily Ever After

FOR CHRISTIAN COUPLES PREPARING TO MARRY

Table of Contents

Front Matter

Introduction

Exercises

Overview of RELATE Areas

5

Overview of Christian Marriage

A Triangular Model of Love

Vision and Goals

Exercises

Religion and Spirituality in Your Marriage

Creating a New Family from Two

Intimacy and Attachment

11

17

Communication and Conflict

Communication

Exercises

Watching the Video by John Gottman

Conversational Intimacy

Making Sense of Emotions

Emotions Tree

Mirroring Summary

Advanced Listing Techniques

Family Background: Discovering Your Imago

30

Conflict Resolution

Exercises

The Four Horsemen of the Marital Apocalypse

When We Argue

How to Take a Time Out

Relationship Repair Checklist

Solving Problems Together

Behavior Change Requests

48

Roles, Responsibilities, and Decision-Making

Roles, Responsibilities, and Decision-Making

Exercises

Roles

Rules

Decision Making

Total Family Work

63

Money Matters

Exercises

Financial Profile

Financial Upbringing

Financial Worksheets

Financial Goals

80

Sexuality ¨C Part I

Sexuality ¨C Part II

Exercises

The Sex Talk

The Five Gears of Sex

Turn Ons and Turn Offs

106

113

Money

Sexuality

Children and Parenting

Children and Parenting

Exercises

Your Desire for a Child (or Another Child)

Your Beliefs about Parenting

Questions about Children and Parenting Part 1

The Four Parenting Styles

Types of Abuse that Occur in Families

Questions about Children and Parenting Part 2

125

HEAC WHOLE BOOK 2017 FINAL 10232017.DOCX

Structure of the Course

This course is organized into content areas that you can adapt to your needs and interests. It¡¯s not

necessary to work on every content area. You can skip content areas you don¡¯t need. For example, if you

and your partner have discussed finances to your satisfaction, there is no need to spend time on it in this

course.

You also can choose which content areas to work on at home and which to work on in your sessions. For

example, you might choose to work on the Parenting content at home, and use your sessions for content

that is more of a challenge for you. Once you¡¯ve looked through the content areas, discuss with your

counselor which areas you believe you¡¯d like to emphasize. Your counselor also will give you

recommendations based on your RELATE results, but you and your partner have the final say on the

content that¡¯s right for you.

To keep the course cost-effective, it is designed so that you and your partner do most of the work at

home. Your counselor is available during sessions as a facilitator, coach, and teacher. The hours that most

people spend on the course components are shown below, but since you customize the course, your

actual hours may look different.

Typical Hours for Course Components

RELATE - 1

Couples

Dialogue - 6

Sessions - 3

Workbook 6

Online Test (One hour at home)

We use the RELATE, an online relationship inventory, to give you a bird¡¯s-eye view of your strengths and

challenges. Most couples take the RELATE before the first HEAC session. Taking it first leaves you four

sessions to discuss the relevant portions of your results. However, if it¡¯s not possible to take it before the

first session, you¡¯ll be able to take it later and still address your results in the remaining sessions.

Please be sure to print out and read your RELATE report before your session so

you can flag any areas to discuss with your counselor.

HEAC - 2017 - 5

Sessions with Your Counselor (Three or more face-to-face clock hours)

We suggest a minimum of four, 45-minute sessions (for a total of three clock hours) with your

counselor. Often, the second session is a double session, lasting 90 minutes. Many couples find that

having 60 or 90-minute sessions throughout the course gives them more time to accomplish their goals.

Sessions can be done either in our offices or over the internet. Since this course is customizable, you can

choose how often to attend sessions. Some couples like to do all four sessions in a month; others prefer

to spread them out over time. Just let your counselor know what you think is best for you. If you think

you¡¯d benefit from addition sessions, you are welcome to schedule them at any time.

Workbook (Six hours at home)

The workbook contains information we think is the best available given the current state of relationship

research and theory. We have included much more information than we think you can cover in a foursession course and expect you to address part of the content during your course and part of the content

at your leisure. Some of the content is designed to be used as a reference over the course of your

marriage to address possible challenges in the future.

We have included exercises for learning and practicing good relationship skills. Worksheets, such as

financial history and budget grids, give you ways to organize information for discussion.

The workbook also contains a number of questionnaires that we have adapted from among the vast

literature on relationship enhancement. These are useful in augmenting the data in your RELATE report,

allowing you to go deeper into your specific beliefs, values, expectations, and needs in a given area.

Couples Dialogue at Home (Six hours at home)

We think the best place for you and your partner to learn about each other is in the privacy of your own

home. So, throughout the workbook and at your counselor¡¯s suggestion, you are encouraged to practice

HEAC communication techniques at home when doing your HEAC homework.

Content Areas of the Course

Keep in mind that you bring your own values, opinions, and history into a relationship, and they might not

always match your partner's. In addition, you may go into marriage believing it will fulfill all of your social,

financial, sexual and emotional needs. By discussing your expectations before marriage, you and your

partner can better understand and support each other in having a long and happy marriage.

HEAC - 2017 - 6

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