Global Studies 9 - Wilkes World



Global Studies 9 Wilkes

Good Writing Principles

for Formal Papers

Item #1 – Passive Voice

Key Principles:

• Attempt to limit passive voice whether writing in the past or present.

• It is nearly impossible to remove all passive from writing; sometimes it fits well.

• Think about keeping the action active.

• Removal of passive often simplifies and clarifies the rest of the sentence.

Samples:

1. One part of each page is a graphic about the event being described and the other part is the description.

2. It is hard to get too excited about this site as it lacks much detail.

3. The information is presented in a more traditional manner than some of the other websites and thus it is probably more comfortable to many viewers.

4. The city of Kyoto was portrayed as an old Buddhist region with a rich tourism industry.

Removal of passive:

1. Each page incorporates a graphic about the subject event along with a description.

2. The lack of detail in this site leaves the viewer unexcited.

3. The website’s traditional form of information presentation may make this site more comfortable to many viewers.

4. Designers portrayed the city of Kyoto as an old Buddhist region with a rich tourism industry.

The passive nightmare:

Earth Day was an event that inspired many in America. It was the product of years of planning by a little-recognized leader from the state of Wisconsin. Gaylord Nelson was elected to the Senate in the 1960s and became influential in environmental policy making because he was active in a variety of earth-friendly laws. He was also the true founder of “Earth Day,” which was first declared on April 22, 1970.

The fix:

Following the turbulent 60s, many Americans found inspiration in the birth of a nationwide event known as “Earth Day.” The celebration evolved following years of planning by a little-recognized leader from Wisconsin, Gaylord Nelson. Nelson entered the Senate in the 1960s and rose to a place of prominence in environmental policy-making by actively promoting earth-friendly laws. The apogee of his career arrived when Congress declared the first “Earth Day” on April 22, 1970.

More . . .

“Ugh”:

“Welcome to Edo” is full of information about the city in the seventeenth-century. The viewer is treated to a walk with Edoreki Gakushimaru, who is supposed to be a tour guide to the city. The site was full of exciting stops such as theatres, temples, and inns. The volume of information is impressive, without being too hard to understand. At every stop along the tour, a reading section is accompanied by a picture that contains links that give a more in-depth view of each locale.

“Argh!”:

“Welcome to Edo” presents a wealth of information about the city in the seventeenth-century. The site treats the viewer to a walk with fictional tour guide, Edoreki Gakushimaru. Exciting stops along the tour path include theatres, temples, and inns. An impressive volume of information unfolds without overwhelming the visitor. At every stop along the tour, pictures accompany a reading section that contains links to give a more in-depth view of each locale.

Item #2 – Pronouns

Key Principles:

• Use proper nouns when possible to avoid confusion about subjects and objects

• Pronouns, like most parts of speech have a purpose but can be overused

• Extensive pronoun use can make writing unintelligible

Sample:

Mao and Chiang Kai-shek became great leaders in the time of their rivalry. He won the hearts and minds of the peasant population though they struggled years. It became a central piece of China’s revolutionary history because they embodied the best and the worst of the people. Despite the problems, when some look back they still see him as a father-figure.

Option A:

Mao and Chiang Kai-shek became great leaders in the time of their rivalry. Chairman Mao won the hearts and the minds of the peasant population though the poor of China struggled for years. This period of challenge became a central piece of China’s revolutionary history because Mao’s peasant followers embodied the best and the worst of the people. Despite the problems, when many of today’s Chinese look back they still see Mao as a father-figure.

Option B:

Mao and Chiang Kai-shek became great leaders in the time of their rivalry. Chairman Mao won the hearts and the minds of the peasant population though these two leaders struggled for years. The contest for power became central piece of China’s revolutionary history because Mao and Chiang embodied the best and the worst of the people. Despite the problems, when some western historians look back they still see Chiang Kai-shek as a father-figure.

Note: totally different meaning!

Item #3 – Parenthetical Phrases

Key Principles:

• Avoid them in formal writing

• If it is worth saying, put it in a sentence

The 1968 Democratic Convention spewed naked violence onto the streets of a major American city (not to mention American television) as the world witnessed police brutality (and political callousness) clash with a worn-out youth movement. Following the year’s earlier turmoil (including the assassinations of JFK and MLK), members of SDS, the Yippie Movement (not to mention others) descended upon Chicago to revel in a final orgy of unrest (though some may have called it civil disobedience). This stinks!

The fix:

The 1968 Democratic Convention spewed naked violence onto the streets of a major American city and the world witnessed police brutality, accentuated by the political callousness of Mayor Richard Daley, clash with a worn-out youth movement. Following the year’s earlier turmoil, spiked by the assassinations of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, members of SDS, the Yippie Movement, and other radicalized groups descended upon Chicago. Though a few protestors genuinely sought an engagement in civil disobedience, many reveled in the chance for a final orgy of unrest, a fact soon witnessed by an attentive American television audience. This works

Item #4 – “Talking” with the Reader

Key Principles:

• Don’t “talk” to the reader or “narrate”

• Don’t ask the reader questions-they can’t answer!

• Your job is to make statements and observations, not pose questions.

The American Indian Movement (AIM) leaders next traveled to Washington for a dialog with Congressional leaders. Then, they decided to bring their message to a wider stage. Why would AIM do such a thing? Didn’t they know the world audience of 1973 had little concern for their issues? And if that wasn’t enough they then decided to turn to violence. (Please – shoot me …..I cannot stand to read this!)

The American Indian Movement (AIM) leaders traveled to Washington for a dialog with Congressional leaders. In a subsequent step, they brought their message to a wider stage in an attempt to play on the sympathies of a world audience. Unfortunately, they found little support in a world racked with wars in Southeast Asia, the Middle East, and the Indian subcontinent. When their appeals for recognition failed, AIM turned to violence.

(Oh yeah!)

#5 – Hyphenation

Key Principles:

• An open compound is a combination of separate words that are so closely related as to constitute a single concept. Ex: settlement house, stool pigeon, lowest common denominator (No hyphenation used)

• A hyphenated compound is a combination of words joined by one or more hyphens that when joined create a single concept. Ex: kilowatt-hour, mass-produced, ill-favored (Hyphenation required)

• When a compound is used as an adjective before a noun, it is often hyphenated to avoid misleading the reader. Ex: fast-sailing ship or fast sailing ship?

o Fast-sailing ship = a ship that is now sailing fast (hyphenated compound modifies the noun ship.)

o Fast sailing ship = a ship capable of rapid navigation (the word fast modifies sailing ship)

Samples:

hard-luck gambler street people

eighteenth-century Japan easy-to-use instructions

fast food restaurant fast-moving train or fast moving train

hard-to-find gifts slick-fielding third baseman

#6 – Punctuation

Key Principles:

• Use two spaces after all sentence ending punctuation.

• In quoted passages, the punctuation comes inside the quotation marks.

Sample: Global Studies remains my favorite class. The other day, my friend exclaimed, “I wish we had that class every period!” “I concur,” noted Tommy, “it would surely benefit us all.”

Fix It:

Japanese history is filled contradictions that are puzzling to the first time observer. Its checkered past was a source of tension for many years and it cannot be fully understood even today. “Japan is an eastern tradition with a desire to be western”, is a statement by a learned scholar. Beginning in the late nineteenth century, the Japanese people and their leadership were determined to be a world power. They began dramatic reforms that were supposed to fill them with pride and a sense of accomplishment. “Japan lost its way”, is what my high school teacher said, “it abandoned the east to resist the west”. This modern day view was not as prevalent while Japan’s western inspired industry was steamrolling Asia.

A Possible Fix:

Contradictions abound for the first-time observer of Japanese history. The nation’s checkered past served as a source of tension for many years. Even today, few fully comprehend its nature. “Japan is an eastern tradition with a desire to be western,” remarked a learned scholar. The drive for world power commenced in the late-nineteenth-century through a determined leadership and people. These leaders, known as genro, initiated dramatic reforms that filled the people with pride and a sense of accomplishment. “Japan lost its way,” remarked my high school teacher, “it abandoned the east to resist the west.” This modern-day view appeared less prevalent while Japan’s western-inspired industry steamrolled Asia.

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