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HYPERLINK "" \o "Step Four, Courage To Look In The Mirror Without Our Disguise" Step Four, Courage To Look In The Mirror Without Our DisguiseThe Simplicity of The Twelve Steps- Step Four (Courage)Of all the ways in which we have radically complicated this incredibly simple program, what’s happened to Steps 4 and 5 is probably the most egregious. ?We have managed to take a process which was designed to be done in a single sitting, in as little as an hour, and turned it into the equivalent of a doctorate-level thesis.? New alcoholics find themselves saddled with endless pages replete with multiple columns and enough data to keep a forensic scientist percolating for days on end.? How does it make rational sense to send a fragile, confused alcoholic back to?his isolationist domicile to sit alone, for months, marinating in the shame of the wreckage of his past?Think about this logically.? It’s YOUR story; things that happened to YOU.? There’s no research necessary.? You don’t need to hunt down quotes.? There’s no citations or bibliography.? Who are you pissed at, what are you scared of and who did you hurt?? That’s the task?? If you meet the average alcoholic in a bar at one in the morning, they could roll those lists out for you in completion inside of seventeen minutes.? And you’d probably hear them whether you wanted to or not.What’s really amazing is that one of the few parts of The Big Book that nearly everyone utilizes consistently is the one section that is not consistent with the original design.? Almost anyone doing a 4th Step these days is probably, in some way, utilizing the column inventory example of Page 65.? In the first five years before the book was written, there were two predominant methods for doing a 4th Step: “The Bill Way” and “The Bob Way.”? The Bill Way is what you’ll find on Page 65.? The Bob Way is called an Assets and Liabilities checklist.? This is essentially a grid resembling a football betting pool with the names listed across the top, and what had happened with that person (or place or thing) along the left side.? And along the right side would be the corresponding assets we need to strive for.? The filling out of the list was nothing more than a series of check marks denoting the things that needed to be spoken through in Step 5.? It’s quick.? It’s simple.? Rather than three or four separate lists, the resentments, the fear and the harms get attended to simultaneously in a single grid.? It looks something like this:LiabilitiesMom Neighbor Dad ?GirlfriendBest Friend BossAssetsResentment XXXXXForgiveness FearXXXXXFaithSelfishnessXXXUnselfishnessDishonestyXXXHonestyJealousyTrustEnvyXContentmentShameXXXXSelf-Love?As the program began to grow, Bill essentially took on the role of the P.T. Barnum of the thing, pushing the growth and the potential influx of dollars.? It was Dr. Bob and his crew carrying the message to new alcoholics and, consequently, everyone was using the Assets and Liabilities checklist to do the work.? Even still, it was Bill who took up the role of lead author for the book and Bill like the column inventory and so Bill put it in.? As it happens, in all of the A.A. archives (of which there are many, detailing exactly was going on meetings throughout the country) there is not a single scrap of evidence of anyone using a column inventory previous to the advent of the treatment centers.? While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with using a column inventory, for someone just entering the A.A., it is a complicated way to accomplish a simple task.? And it has led to expanded versions making the job so absurdly complex, it is all but sure to have an alcoholic running for cover.? You wanna see unmanageable?? Check out this madness:? .? Why are we doing this to people?The 4th Step is a cheat sheet for the 5th Step.? That’s all.? It is a cliffs notes version of the things you need to talk about in your 5th Step.? You do NOT need to determine exactly how these things made you feel nor do you need to determine your part in Step 4.? That happens in 5 so you aren’t doing it alone.? We are told on Pages 65-66 that:“The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. “If seeing the wrongs of others was as far as we had gotten, how are we going to be able to figure out our part in our resentments?? The root of our problem is selfishness.? The selfishness is driven by self-delusion, therefore we are not only selfish- we are selfish and we can not see that we are selfish.? To individually understand my part in my resentments demands a release of selfishness.? That release does not begin to happen until Step 7.? It is not even identified and uncovered until Steps 4 and 5.? Now, considering that 4 are 5 are the very steps that the person is working on, how can you ask him to attend to a fundamentally unselfishness task when he is still loaded to the gills with unseen selfishness?? And how long do you think this poor soul is going to spin in confusion and frustration before he has a bottle in his hand?Bottom line-?It’s a simple program.? If you are working on a part of the program and you are aware that it is not simple… then it is not A.A.As to the applicable text, we turn to the last few lines on page 63 (carrying to the end of the paragraph on 64) and read:“Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.”Have you ever heard anyone proclaim that the steps are meant to take a year, methodically working no more than a step a month?? Read the book.? At the end of every single step, the book is entirely clear that we move immediately to the next step:At the end of Step 1 we are told that if you can smash the delusion (Pg. 30) that you can ever do this on your own (powerless), we start looking (Pg. 45) for the power (Step 2.)At the end of Step 2 we are told that once a man can say that he is willing to believe, that he is on his way… to Step 3 (Pg. 63).At the end of Step 3 we are told that as soon as we say the prayer, we launch into Step 4 (Pg. 63).At the end of Step 4 we are told that what we’ve written down is about to be cast out (Step 5, Pg. 72).At the end of Step 5 we are told that if we’ve satisfactorily completed Step 5, we then look at Step 6 (Pg. 76).At the end of Step 6 we are told that as soon as we are ready to go ahead and say the 7th step prayer (Pg. 76).At the end of Step 7 we are told “now we need more action,” and to make our harms list (Step 8, Pg. 76).At the end of Step 8 we are told “now we go out” and begin our amends (Step 9, Pg. 76).At the end of Step 9 we are told that we engage the maintenance steps (starting with Step 10) while we work on our amends (Pg. 84).At the end of Step 10 we are told “But we must go further and that means more action” (Step 11, Pg. 85).At the end of Step 11 we are told “But that is not all.? There is action and more action,” and that we move to the next chapter, which is entirely devoted to Step 12 (Pg. 87).?It is not the job of a sponsor to dictate the rate at which the prospect goes through the steps; the book does that for us.The above passage explains that unless we follow up our preparation work by “launching” “at once” into the program of action, the “effect” will vanish rapidly.? Once the prospect understands that time is of the essence, we are charged with pointing to the passages that lay out the three major building blocks of a proper fourth step:Our first component, and really the driving force of a fourth step, is our resentments:“Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.”The second component is our fears:“This short word [fear] somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them.”And the third component is the harm that we have done to others:“We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.”Using the simplistic grid shown above, the prospect lists every person, place, thing, institution or concept to which they caused harm or harbor resentment or fear denoting, with a series of checkmarks, which liabilities apply to each.? Once everything that they can remember has been listed, the fourth step is complete.We must let them know that they will forget things and that the things that they do not recall are not applicable to this fourth step.? We will have a daily tenth step and the opportunity to do further fourth steps down the road to deal with that.? Remember, the fourth step is not your life story.? The fourth step is an effort to locate the patterns (causes and conditions) that are blocking you from God’s love.? Once we have those patterns in place, we are ready to move forward.- See more at: Fourth and Fifth StepSHORT AND SWEET AND IT NEEDS BE BRIEF, BRIEF, BRIEFThe Fourth Step is a daunting task. It is tackled only because of our commitment to go to any length to achieve sobriety ?or the pain is still so great that we will attempt the Fourth Step in order to find a promised relief.I came into the rooms of recovery beaten into a state of reasonableness. I was humbled by a more powerful foe and now teachable. I found a sponsor and started working the Steps, Step One, Step Two, Step Three. I spoke in meetings, lots, and lots of meetings. I was accepted into my new found recovery community. I felt safe, I had hope, and the pain seemed to magically dissipate as I shared more and more in the meetings. (A joy shared is twice the joy; as a sorrow shared is half the sorrow) The pink cloud, a program term that is an overwhelming sense of wellbeing, a reprieve from a hopeless state of mind body and spirit as an undeserved grace was obtained. My program of recovery languished into meetingmus maximus. Any time the sirens of addiction would beckon I would head for another meeting as I always found temporary relief until the pain of living was greater than the fear of working the Fourth Step and what I might find out about myself. My sponsor would say Joseph until you work the Steps all the promises will not come true for you. I have learned if you’re not working the Steps, you might be sober but you’re not in recovery.MANY STUMBLE AND FALL AND NEVER DO THE FOURTH STEP AT ALLIf it looks like your sponsee has Fourth Stepitus this format is suggested to keep them into action. This is suggested for the newcomer to get them through the Steps and to a spiritual experience as quickly and as thoroughly as possible. For the chronic relapse the need to be more thorough, use the suggested outline found in the Big Book of A.A. as this may be more appropriate for them. Each sponsee is different, be prayerful and always consult with your sponsor.SIMPLE IS AS SIMPLE DOESGet a pencilGet a legal padThe name of the person or institution that the resentment is heldThe dateThe incidentEASY BREEZY JAPANEZEEThe A.A. Big Book says that it needs to be written.Keep it brief, no more information than can be written on one side of a legal pad.NO REASON TO BE FEARFUL, YOUR SPONSOR IS THERE TO HELP LIFT THE SPIRITUALThe format for the Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book comes into play with you and your sponsee together working the Fifth Step.The causeHow it effects my: Sex relation, Self esteem (fear) Security ,Personal relationsWhat was my part?fear inventorysex inventoryCharacter defectsThe seven deadly sins (behaviors that ??block us from spiritual growth)positive character attributesTHE SEVEN DEADLY SINS (CHARACTER FLAWS)Pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities that interferes with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.Envy is the desire for others’ traits, status, abilities, or situation.Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual workI have used this format and found it very productive and immensely valuable. I t gets the sponsee through Step Four and Step Five in a timely manner. They can always go back and do another Fourth Step if they feel it may be necessary after they have had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps. I asked my sponsor and he told me that he had a sponsee that did a one sentence Fourth Step and had been sober for Thirty years.( He refused to tell what that sentence was)Greg from Austin writes:On my 90th day of sobriety I went to workshop on the 12 steps. During the workshop we went through the steps with a partner. It was very fast and done with the idea that we would not linger too long on each step, more get an understanding of each step and gain some kind of experience with it. It made me think of Dr. Bob and how he worked people through the steps quickly. During this process I did an abbreviated 4th and 5th step with another alcoholic. I was amazed. I was able to get relief from some things that I had been carrying around since my early childhood. I felt great.Gzepe@- See more at: ................
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