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HUNTINGTEN HOMIES FANTASY NEWSLETTER – REFLECTING ON 2018I have been pitiful on my newsletters since arriving in America. This newsletter was mainly a way for me to burn off lonely time and stay in touch with you guys. I did not have many friends in Italy, and I did not want to neglect the friendship I had with each of you. If I were to actually get married and not kill myself in 7 years, some of you all would be the groomsmen at my wedding. So this letter, along with all the previous ones are for you all. This was a fun season of fantasy football, and the finish was interesting. I have photoshopped a picture for each of us when we are defeated, and I have had this week’s picture made for quite some time.The victory for Chip this year was sweet. I am sure it is even sweeter now that he gets to see himself behead prepubescent Andy with some Valerian steel. I am proud of this edit, because everyone’s head is in the right place. Stephen is the king as the commissioner. Chip beheads Andy, the true acting King. Nick, Grant, Jeffrey, and Andre stare from above after piss poor seasons. Connor has to be restrained. AND I WRITE THIS LETTER SO I GET TO BE QUEEN OKAY! Every week of these letters, I do not know what to expect. I know I say that every letter, but this time I don’t even have SOS and Luckiness to fall back on. Let’s start by discussing what could have been. TO BE OR NOT TO BE – THERE IS NO TRYIf I can butcher 10 more movie quotes in this letter, then I will be happy. Also, pretty sure I have misused the dash at least once - so far. The most grievous result in the playoffs was the seeding. I thought the secondary tiebreaker would be total points. Afterall, I had to bring it up just to make head to head more important than total points. Total points were pretty irrelevant however. Chip got the 2 seed over Ridge. That proved to be everything. Ridge wins the league with the 2 seed. I would have won the league with the 2 seed. Hell, Stephen would have won the league with the 2 seed. Chip had the 2 seed though. I remember looking at one point and thinking Chip had the better divisional record, but I have reviewed it multiple times, and unless I missed something, they were both 5-3 in their division. I do not know how this tiebreaker was established. Maybe one of you figured It out. Perhaps you have noticed that the app is not helpful anymore, all the info is gone :/ . My last complaint. If you count the postseason games into your record, then I finished at 9-6. Connor’s record would be 8-7. I also was 2-0 against Connor. So here is what my bias filled season ending rankings are. I’m judging this off no stats. I am trying to think how teams would be ranked in college football (See Ohio State finishing at #3 despite missing playoff).Chip (9-6)Andy (12-3)Ridge (8-7)Thad (9-6)Connor (8-7)Andre (7-8)Grant (7-8)Stephen (5-10)Jeffrey (5-10)Nick (5-10)Not much different here. The only reason Chip is at 1 is because it’s a championship game.This is an updated graph of each person’s actual record versus everyone. In parenthesis are playoff matchups. Only this year was taken into account because it helps keep the numbers consistent for everyone. The only other matchups I remember are Stephen beating Ridge for a title and Andy beating Chip for the title last year. Below I am going to give the white whale for each person. White wale is referring to that book about the whale that was hard to catch. The people listed below you are people you can’t quite get/beat.Andre’s Whales (4): Andy, Chip, Connor, Thad Andy’s Whales (1): NickChip’s Whales (1): StephenConnor’s Whales (2): Andy, ThadGrant’s Whales (3): Andre, Andy, Chip, Maddie Shiels“You almost had it”Jeffrey’s Whales (4): Andre, Andy, Connor, GrantNick’s Whales (5): Andre, Connor, Ridge, Stephen, ThadRidge’s Whales (2): Andy, GrantStephen’s Whales (4): Andy, Connor, Grant, RidgeThad (3): Chip, Jeffrey, RidgeThe Whale award does not go to the person with the most whales, instead to the person that IS the most whales. WOW how does that sentence work grammatically. It should be no surprise that this award goes to Andy. what a waste of timmmeeeeNEXT YEARS DRAFTNext years draft order has not been established, but the outline is set. We all have two keepers, that much is hopefully understood. We will do a lottery to see who gets the first pick of the first round. Nick has the best odds, but it is no guarantee. We will continue to establish first round draft order until picks 7,8,9,10 which will be Connor, Ridge, Andy, and Chip respectively. They will also have picks 17, 18, 19, 20 in that order. For the rest of us we will repeat the process we did in the first round to establish second round draft order. The third round is where the snake part begins, meaning Chip will have the 21st pick. This is what the odds for the first pick will look like:Nick: 30%Jeffrey: 24%Andre: 19%Stephen: 14%Grant: 9%Thad: 4%Again, this will repeat for the second round. Just because you get the first pick does not mean you get the 11th pick. There has not yet been chosen a creative way to go about with these odds, but maybe we will do ping pong PARISONS… INFINITY WAR CHARACTERSChip provided a good comparison for this letter. The MCU, which is really what this list will be based off of, has been the most dominant movie franchise of the 2010’s. Plus, we have two more movies coming out. I think we all like these movies, so I will do my best to compare each of your teams to a marvel cinematic universe character. Your own personality traits may or may not bleed into these comparisons.ANDRE: War MachineHere I had the option of the Black Panther, Falcon, or War Machine, because Andre is black. Black Panther is way too dope to represent a guy who finished 8th in the league this year and lost 7 of his last 9 games. (hopefully this is a gif)If the above image is indeed a gif, then you can see my main comparison between Andre’s team and War Machine. This machine went from flying high to a glorified meteorite in a matter of seconds, much like Brees Nuts. Losing 7 of the last 9 is tied for worst in the league. Maybe it is good foreshadowing for Andre that he did not disintegrate at the end of Infinity War, but the man is essentially a walking cripple.ANDY: ThanosEw I hate giving Andy this OP character, but the fact is that he did destroy half the league. Six of you have not beaten Andy. In some of your eyes maybe Chip should be Thanos since he won, but I am doing some predictive analysis and I am guessing Thanos will not come out on top. Hell let’s just base this off movies that exist and it still works. Andy/Thanos tear stuff up but then get axed at the end. Yea maybe he did not get hit in the head, but man lost that matchup. I have personally viewed Andy as a villain this season because the man had players stacked like infinity stones. WILD.CHIP: Thor28829073850500No, not Adam Warlock or Galactus or some out of picture character that will destroy Thanos. How about the man who bent over Andy/Thanos and showed him the 50 states. Thor had a pretty medium start: headass in Thor, weakass in Thor 2, had me blowing my load (positive thing) in Ragnarok, tied up in Infinity War, Axing the heart out of Mr. Purple Scrotum by the end. Freal, I get those goosebumps every time this scene happens. Thor puts the Axe through Thanos’ chest, much like Chip put that fantasy football knowledge through Andy’s teams fantasy football knowledge. Thor’s achievements were cooler sounding and looking no doubt. CONNOR: HulkFor now, I am sticking with Infiniity War symbolism. Hulk is supposed to be the strongest man/thing in the Universe, but he got slaughtered by Andyson. He was 0-2 vs Andy in the regular season and then bent over for Chip in the playoffs so he would not have to play Andy again. Also, do not forget that Thor had the Hulk beat in Ragnarok (lets call ragnarok the playoffs). I was riding Connor all season. He had the number one RB and WR for awhile and he was consistent. His most consistent attribute was losing important games though. Looking back on it, Connor is way more of an Edward Norton type :,)))). GRANT: LokiI am giving way too good of a character to Grant (6th place finisher). Loki is the god of deception and mischief. I could easily give Grant “Ned Leads” the fat Asian sidekick to Spiderman in Homecoming. Grant was a deceiver this year though. I do not think Grant fooled us into thinking he was wise, we could see the truth of that through his trades. Grant did fool all of us by being more legitimate than he seemed to be. He was never a real threat to win the league. Oki was never a real threat to control the world. Loki was still able to pull off some surprising tricks, like faking his won death to Thor. After a composite look at the season, I should have hated on Jeffrey more. For this year, we can call Grant the great deceiver. Maybe he is not that bad. In the end, he dead dead.JEFFREY: Pepper PottsJeffrey’s team also finished the last 9 weeks at 2-7. At the midpoint in the season, Jeffrey was 4-3 which was a record that had him as a four seed equivalent at that point. Then he lost a bunch. He lost games he should have won but did not due to misfortune. Jeffrey was a piece of driftwood in the ocean. He was hopelessly floating along. I find him to be like Pepper Potts since she also is a hopeless bystander. She has no power, besides dashing ginger looks, to get the job done (ignoring brief fire power in Iron Man 3). She can be clever in her brief moments, but for the most part she was just around. When you saw you played Jeffrey any given week, it did not inspire fear. NICK: HawkeyeThis was a tough one for me. Nick’s team was certified booty hole this year thanks to Leveon Bell. There are some real booty hole people in the MCU and plenty that are more booty hole than Hawkeye. Consider how lame Hawkeye is though. He does not stand a chance agaisnt pretty much every other Avenger. He still manages to be an Avenger though. This gif made me laugh because it made me think of how every draft pick and trade must be viewed by Nick next year after a traumatising season. I think we all know a man whose greatest power is shooting a medieval weapon is a weak man. There are a few bright spots to point to in Nick’s season, but nothing to help fluff how bad he really is. Better luck next year Nick.RIDGE: Red SkullI did not view Ridge as a villain this year. Andy attracted most of the hate, and Connor drew attention as well. That left Ridge to fly under the radar. Even as a 4 seed he wasn’t that close to losing his playoff spot. I would attribute Ridge’s shortcomings to bad luck, because we did not know what that secondary tiebreaker was. He was close to being champion despite being third place. Red Skull also would have flown under the radar as a subsidiary of Hitler’s Nazi army. Think about how strong Red Skull was. He never really even lost. The man held the infinty stone and was pretty unfortunate to get sucked into it and get ttransported. He had Captain America beat, but due to some unforseeable events everything went south. STEPHEN: Baby GrootGroot gave his life at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy and gave life to Baby Groot. Baby Groot does not do much in Guardians 2 until the very end. Most of Baby Groots time is spent dancing around and being cute. Stephen likewise spent most of this season dancing around being cute. Stephen won the league a couple years ago, and ever since then he has really devolved into this Baby Groot. Stephen was so bad this year. Granted he was super unlucky, but he was not a high tier team. Even with some luck he would have been on the outside of the playoffs looking in. Stephen did put in work at the very end though. He was dead last after week 13 and managed to finish a strong 7th. That is a 3-10 guy finishing strong. This really just hurt his draft odds, but I think you need to respect him for continuing to try. Baby Groot blew up Ego at the end and Stephen blew up Andre and Jeffrey. THAD: KorgRagnarok is one of the top 3 Marvel movies so far. Korg made this movie super funny. I give myself Korg for reasons mainly outside of Fantasy Football. I tried to provide some comedic moments throughout the season with these letters. Korg begins as a prisoner who has failed to rebel. In the beginning of the season I was 1-6. I was pretty much the worst team although my stats were better than Nick. But then it was straight W’s for me. 6 wins to end the regular season and 2 more W’s in the post season. After Thor showed up, Korg led a successful rebelion. My Thor in this analogy would have to be Leonard Fournette although he was absent many games as well. Korg’s future is now in question though. We cannot be sure if he survived Thanos’ attack on Asgard, and as good of a finish as I had, my intended keepers are now facing unknown futures. This is all I have to say. Thank you all for being great listeners and for being encouraging to me when writing these. Your enthusiasm is the only reason this letter exists. This will be the last letter until maybe a short predraft one in the fall. I will post this one with the others on the Huntingten Homies blog: love you boys. Good luck deciding who your keepers are going to be. ................
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