Lastbestgift.org



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MY LAST & BEST GIFT TO THOSE I LOVE

By Robert (“Bud”) Warner

My Gift: peace of mind for my loved ones (and myself) by completing my

end-of-life plan. Thinking it would be helpful, I decided to share

with others what I learned along the way - So, here it is!

When a family member dies, there is much for loved ones to know and do. This document reflects the results of my research and understandings of those two important aspects of end-of-life planning. My only motivation in sharing what I came up with is to provide you and your family background information, check lists and options, all combined in a framework to help you make informed decisions and to encourage you to face and deal with death and dying.

If you find this document has value, please consider sharing it with individuals or groups you feel would benefit from its content.

Disclaimer:

I am not a qualified, licensed expert in estate planning, financial planning, elder care or medical issues. Nothing in this document is to be considered as advice rendered or “telling you what to do” in those specialized areas. No content in this document is to be used by anyone as a basis for making end-of-life planning/action decisions. It is imperative for all to seek qualified counsel during the entire end-of-life planning and implementation process. This document is not all inclusive, every person’s situation is unique and important considerations may have been omitted. I am simply sharing the results of my end-of-life research and understandings, nothing more, nothing less.

“One of the most important things we can do during our lives

is to plan for the end or our lives”

FREE EDITABLE ONLINE DOWNLOAD:

FEEDBACK TO THE AUTHOR: Facebook, enter “bud warner page”

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Robert Warner & wife Emily

Pikes Peak (“America’s Mountain”) in the background

About the Author

Robert (“Bud”) Warner was born in Columbus, Ohio and raised in Lakewood, a suburb of Cleveland. He earned a BA from Otterbein University, Westerville, Ohio and a MA from The Ohio State University.

Upon graduation from Otterbein he was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Air Force through the Air Force Reserve Officer Training Corps (AFROTC) program. He served on active duty for 26 years and retired as a Colonel. A Vietnam veteran, he was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross in 1968 while flying as a crew member in the RF-4C photo reconnaissance aircraft. Operational planning was an important part of his career and brought home to him the importance of detail.

Following active duty he was the business manager of a small engineering firm in Fairfax, Virginia and later became a financial investment broker there. He and Emily were subsequently owners of a travel agency in Colorado Springs, Colorado where they currently reside. Both are active in their local church where Bud has served as treasurer, Deacon and Elder. He was an enthusiastic hospice care volunteer for a few years in a veteran-to-veteran outreach program.

Bud has a continuing interest in planning and helping others - both of which led him to develop this end-of-life guide. Originally he never intended to make the guide available to others but Emily felt any family would benefit from it and insisted it be shared – so here it is! Bud’s sincere hope is that his efforts will be instrumental in others finding peace of mind for themselves and their loved ones now and in the future through this last and best gift.

Endorsements

“My 90 year-old parents were thrilled when I presented the My Last & Best Gift To Those I Love document, explaining the purpose. We completed it over a weekend spent hunting, gathering and recording. We were at peace knowing everything was in order and in one location. Both my parents died shortly thereafter. During that emotional period when my heart was hurting and I was exhausted it was a tremendous help to me to be able to reference this extremely valuable document. With an outline of where to begin, all the data at hand and my parents’ wishes documented it made the process as smooth as it could be.”

Jes R.

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“My wife, Nancy, and I attended a seminar on end-of-life planning presented by Bud Warner based on his My Last & Best Gift To Those l Love. We diligently completed the document and safely stored it as a gift to our children. My wife was our bookkeeper and the one who knew all the financial details of our marriage, I didn’t know much. When Nancy died suddenly I was very grateful to have our personal and financial information completely documented and the steps to be taken carefully outlined. This information was thus instrumental in helping me get through the difficult process of losing a loved one.”

Ted L.

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“One of the best gifts my dad gave me was his “special drawer” where he kept his important papers. His will, financial holdings, pre-written obituary, funeral preferences and other documents were all in the drawer. When he passed away suddenly a few years ago I knew where to go to get started. Now my wife and I are putting together our “special book” using Bud’s Last & Best Gift framework to record those things that will make our children’s lives so much easier when the time comes.”

Scott R.

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“This document is indeed a gift. It creates a template for thinking about all the things one ought to think about during a time when thinking clearly may not be possible because of grief and emotional stress. My elderly parents died during the past decade. They truly believed they were very organized but there were things they forgot to tell me. Who were their friends and how should they be contacted? Was there a safe deposit box? Etc. Trying to get answers took a considerable amount of time. For every reason you may have to not take advantage of this document there are a dozen reasons why you should. Do it for yourself. Do it for those you love.”

Ross M.

MY LAST & BEST GIFT TO THOSE I LOVE

Introductory Comments

I recently read about an elderly couple who died in a horrific car accident. The article described the extremely difficult task the surviving three adult children faced as they tried to figure out the “what and where” concerning their parents’ personal and financial records. They also were very unsure about what needed to be done and where to start. Their parents had left them with very little information. To make matters worse, the children lived in other states and had demanding family and job responsibilities.

That family’s tragic situation started me thinking once again about how important it is for all of us, regardless of our age, health or marital status, to have our house in order concerning our personal affairs. Doing so provides benefits for us in the here and now and, more importantly, for our loved ones following our death or incapacitation.

Life is fragile and being prepared for any eventuality is very important. I decided to overcome my “benign neglect” and take action by developing an end-of-life planning document for my loved ones to use when the time came. I am now offering it to others.

What I decided I needed to provide my loved ones in the event of my death or my becoming incapacitated was to detail for them the answers to the three major questions they would have:

What do we need to know? What do we need to do? Where do we start?

Some end-of-life documents available today are really nothing more than checklists that approach the subject from only a legal or financial point of view, covering “bits and pieces” of the issues at hand with a rather superficial approach. However, there are some websites that take a comprehensive approach but they ask you to store sensitive personal and financial information in their online vaults which they claim will protect the data by employing the latest security safeguards. You may or may not be comfortable with that approach – witness the ongoing list of major companies and governmental agencies that have been hacked and the potential for “insider” fraud.

I made my “gift” as comprehensive as I possibly could. It is available in digital format (Microsoft Word) for free downloading from my website () and in printed format primarily as a handout during my seminars. With either format you customize the document and become the author by entering your personal and financial data. Any items/sections that don’t apply can be ignored or deleted. You thus have complete flexibility in initial content entry, customizing, editing and updating.

I have simply provided the concept and an outline – you will transform my efforts into a personal reference document which will provide peace of mind to you and your loved ones. The information should be updated faithfully, either annually or as significant changes occur.

Along with being a valuable future reference, my document offers some important ongoing benefits:

~ If a natural disaster (fire, flood) strikes, your records will be organized for rapid evacuation.

~ You will be able to review and update the status, accuracy and adequacy of your personal and financial records.

~ You will no longer be asking the question, “Now, where did we put those passports?”

~ It can be used as a springboard to future personal & financial planning.

~ It can be used as a vehicle to start a conversation with elderly parents or other relatives

who are at the stage of life where having this information available is critical.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

There is a story of two laborers - masons - who were building a wall in ancient Israel. They were asked what they were doing. The first one replied, “I am building a wall by cementing these stones on top of one another.” The second one replied, “I am building a temple unto the Lord.”

You can view getting your personal and financial records in order and listing steps to be taken following your death or incapacitation as a routine, administrative task that is simply a good idea. Or, you can view this “getting it together” as a gift, and even, in one sense, your last and best gift to those you love. When you have completed your guide I know that it will give you peace of mind for you have spared your loved ones the very difficult and time consuming task of trying to track down essential information they will need during a time when they will be stressed and emotionally spent. They will be extremely grateful.

The information here recorded will be needed at some point – will you take on the job or pass it on to those you love? You can wait to do this but life changing or ending events do not wait.

Because I feel the information in this document should be distributed as widely as possible, I have made it available for downloading (Microsoft Word) free of charge on my website, . If you care to recognize its value to you and your family and to help me with website and other distribution costs you have the option to send me a “thank you” donation (non-tax deductible) during the downloading process or at a later time. Thank you! You undoubtedly have family and friends who would benefit from crafting their own plan. Please let them know about it by passing on my website address.

Robert (“Bud”) Warner

Colorado Springs, Colorado Independent Publisher ISBN: 978-5323-3240-1

Facebook: Search for “Bud Warner” page © Copyright 2016 Robert Warner All Rights Reserved

(Feedback to the author)

ASPECTS OF A COMPREHENSIVE END-OF-LIFE PLAN

Planning for the end of your life is one of the most things you can do during your life. It is tedious and time consuming but if done right, it is truly a ”Last and Best Gift” to those you love.

Include all the following if you want a comprehensive end-of-life plan:

Legal

Seek help as necessary for estate planning: transfer of assets & related tax implications

Complete Advance Medical Directives

Legacy

Make personal expressions of values/ethics: memoir, legacy letter, video interview

Pass on historical family awareness, roots; genealogy; family tree

Final Wishes

Write a Letter of Instruction

Select a funeral home/cemetery

Decide on the disposition of your remains/organ donation

Decide on what you want for a funeral/celebration of life ceremony

Information

Update general, personal, legal, health, financial & digital account records

Extract “who to contact” and essential account information from

the basic records to provide a handy, quick reference for loved ones

Guidance

Outline for loved ones what they need to do and when following your death

Important: have them seek advice from qualified professionals along the way

Communicate

Have “The Conversation of a Lifetime” - Tell your loved ones what you have done, where things are located, what is important to you and your wishes and desires

PERSONAL AFFAIRS REFERENCE DOCUMENT

(Information based on the research and understandings

of the author and is not offered as legal or financial advice)

This document is comprised of three parts.

PART ONE - WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW – Extracts and consolidates important personal and financial information from the actual records into one easy to use point of reference.

PART TWO - WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO DO - A priority listing, by degree of immediacy, of steps to be taken following the death or incapacitation of a loved one.

PART THREE - PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS - the records & designations of where they are stored.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

WRITER(S) of this guide: _______________________ __________________________

Date of initial writing: ______________ Dates of revisions/reviews:

__________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________

__________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________

Once personal and sensitive information is entered in your end-of-life plan, you need to make decisions concerning how/where it is maintained and where records are stored. In this digital age, some of your records will probably be in the form of online accounts to be printed out only when needed – examples are bank and credit card statements.

Home/apartment security situations vary widely. People have varying comfort levels of how best to safeguard sensitive information. Some feel comfortable maintain the plan on a computer/laptop. Others transfer the plan to a flash drive and erase it elsewhere. Some feel comfortable having a printed copy secured in their home/apartment along with maintaining it on a computer/laptop/flash drive.

If you are considering storing the plan and associated sensitive records in a bank safe deposit box, please note: ACCESS TO THAT BOX BY SURVIVING FAMILY MEMBERS WILL NEED TO BE SETUP AHEAD OF TIME WITH THE BANK. If this is not done, lengthy legal delays could follow. Also, experts advise not to keep a last will and testament in a bank safe deposit box – if death occurs over a holiday/weekend access would be delayed.

Regardless of your decisions concerning any of the above, your loved ones need to know where all the information is stored.

How to Use This Document

This document is not designed to be simply read and put on a bookshelf. It is an outline, a framework. It has no value until you become the real author by entering your personal and financial information and any “legacy” type comments you may care to make which will portray your values and how you would like to be remembered.

Suggested steps to take to bring this document to life for you and those you know who might benefit from it:

Go to my website () and download a free digital copy

- retain the download as an unchanged Master copy be used in two ways:

-- as an ongoing reference document

-- to be forwarded as an e-mail attachment to those you know who you feel would

benefit from the guide; you may also simply refer them to my website for them to

download a copy

- make a second copy of the guide from the Master which will become your personal Last and Best Gift to Those You Love workbook as you enter your data.

Note: The download of the document is free. However, if you would care to acknowledge in a financial way the value of the guide to you and your family and to help pay for website and distribution costs of “getting the word out” you may do so on the download page of my website.

Comprehensive end-of-life planning is time consuming and tedious. It is also one of the most important things you can do during your life before the end of your life. The result of your efforts will be peace of mind for yourself and for your loved ones.

Note: This document is very detailed and quite a few of the sections/items are not applicable to most folks. Users will be doing a lot of “picking and choosing,” ignoring/deleting along the way. It is recommended to set aside a little time each day to accomplish what needs to be done.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PART ONE: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW

I. PERSONAL INFORMATION

SECTION ONE FAMILY BACKGROUND

SECTION TWO ASSOCIATIONS & MEMBERSHIPS

SECTION THREE ADVISORS &TRUSTED FRIENDS

SECTION FOUR EMPLOYMENT INFORMATION & BENEFITS

SECTION FIVE LEGAL DOCUMENTS EXECUTED

II. FINANCIAL INFORMATION

SECTION SIX MONTHLY INCOME/CASH FLOW/BUDGET

SECTION SEVEN ASSETS/DEBTS/NET WORTH

SECTION EIGHT REAL ESTATE

SECTION NINE CREDIT ̴ DEBIT ̴ ATM CARDS ̴ CREDIT REPORTING AGENCIES

SECTION TEN AUTOS

SECTION ELEVEN FURNITURE/VALUABLES/PERSONAL EFFECTS

SECTION TWELVE RECURRING BILLS & HOW PAID

III. DIGITAL WORLD

SECTION THIRTEEN DIGITAL DEVICES & ONLINE ACCOUNTS (“Digital Assets”)

IV. FINAL PLANS/PERSONAL EXPRESSIONS

SECTION FOURTEEN CRITICAL END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS & EXPRESSION OF VALUES

PART TWO: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO DO

First, Second and Third Priority Actions, based on the degree of immediacy

PART THREE: PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS

Most records (personal, legal, financial) will be in hard copy form and filed in a secure area of your choice, others could be online records such as bank and credit card statements which would be accessed and printed out as needed. PART THREE is a comprehensive listing of common personal affairs records - only a small portion will apply to any one individual.

PART ONE: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW

PART ONE gives your loved ones a comprehensive overview of your personal, financial, legal and digital “worlds.” They will know what you have decided about any final plans such as disposition of your remains and your funeral/memorial service wishes. In addition, you will have shared with them your “values estate” by expressing what is important to you in a legacy letter, memoir or video.

PART ONE serves as a very valuable quick reference for your loved ones. By recording extracted essential information from your records you will spare them the tedious and time consuming task of having to initially dig into the records themselves to find such information as contact names/phone numbers, financial account numbers, employment information, advisors, sources of income, etc. PART ONE is thus a very handy, easy access tool your loved ones will continually refer to as they take the necessary steps outlined in PART TWO. Of course, accessing the records themselves will be needed at some point.

PART ONE fulfills the function of what is known as a Letter of Instruction, a non-legally binding document that provides your loved ones, upon your death, detailed, critical information that supplements the legalities of a will. The Letter of Instruction is also a very valuable source of information for an executor of a will as he/she settles an estate.

In cases where most of the assets (what is owned) and liabilities (what is owed) are jointly held by a husband and wife or partners it would be appropriate for them to provide the requested information in PART ONE jointly while clearly indicating individual ownership (credit card, IRAs etc.,) and debts (loans, etc.) and wishes concerning such things as final plans. If all of that becomes too complicated, another option would be for each individual involved to create his/her separate Last & Best Gift.

I made this document as comprehensive as possible. As you make your initial entries you will find a lot of sections and individual items that do not apply to you or are not important to you. Simply ignore/delete these. If you have done a lot of end-of-life planning you may only pick up one or two ideas – great!

I. PERSONAL INFORMATION

SECTION ONE - FAMILY BACKROUND (Substitute “Partner” for Husband/wife if applicable)

Husband: Legal Name (first, middle, last)

Social Security Number

Place/date of birth

Education: degree(s) and school(s) attended

Father’s Name (first, middle, last) (parent information may be required for death certificate)

Mother’s Name (prior to first marriage; first, middle, last)

Wife: Legal Name

Social Security Number

Place/date of birth

Education: degree(s) and school(s) attended

Father’s Name (first, middle, last) (parent information may be required for death certificate)

Mother’s Name (prior to first marriage; first, middle, last)

Where married and what date

Previous marriages, if applicable, for husband and wife

Children: Legal name(s), date and location of birth /death, current address, home and cell phone numbers, e-mail address, special needs, for minor children include any guardianship arrangements.

Child #1

Child #2

Child #3, etc.

SECTION TWO - ASSOCIATIONS & MEMBERSHIPS

Professional, fraternal, social, civic, religious, awards programs (airlines, hotels, etc.) Include any offices held/honors/recognitions.

SECTION THREE - ADVISORS & TRUSTED FRIENDS

Names and contact information:

___ Emergency contacts

___ Estate/Family Attorney

___ Clergy Person

___ Trusted friends

___ Funeral Director

___ CPA/Accountant/Tax Preparer and/or tax software/online service

___ Primary Care Provider

___ Pharmacy, prescription drugs, where & how filled

___ Dentist

___ Vision Care

___ Financial Advisors - Certified Financial Planner, stock broker, etc.

___ Cemetery with plot or mausoleum agreement

___ Insurance Agents (life, health, property, auto, disability, long term care, etc.)

List each agent & the related policy information

Insurance policies should be located in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS

___ Therapist (physical, mental)

___ Personal Trainer

___ Pets (Vet, guardian, diet, insurance)

SECTION FOUR - EMPLOYMENT INFORMATION & BENEFITS

Include pertinent information about your current or previous employment (including military service) to include any salary, pension or profit sharing plans that currently have an impact on your financial situation. Details of the manner in which income is received is covered in SECTION SIX.

SECTION FIVE - LEGAL DOCUMENTS (Medical & End-of-Life related)

Everyone has an estate, not just wealthy folks. Effective estate planning is an ongoing process involving such things as planning for incapacity, retirement, business succession, long-term care plus asset protection and tax and probate avoidance. Such comprehensive planning is beyond the parameters of this document, legal counsel from a qualified expert is required. Below is a list of commonly recognized estate planning documents related to medical and end-of-life issues. It is provided as general background information only, not for decision making. This listing is just a sampling, documents applicable to you may be missing, seek expert counsel.

Documents executed should be listed here and filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS,

FINAL PLANS or in some other designated location (bank safe deposit box, etc.) Family members should be made aware of legal documents you have executed and their location. General, introductory descriptions follow, consult with qualified legal and medical counsel for exact meanings and suitability for you.

___ Last Will and Testament. You state how your estate will be divided at the time of your death,

who gets what, when.

___ Revocable Living Trust. A trust you establish which can be revoked at any time before death, it is

a common way to avoid the cost and hassle of probate since the property passes directly to the

beneficiaries named in the trust.

___ Organ Donation. If you wish to become a registered organ donor check with your state on the

procedure, every state has its own donor registry requirements. You can also register to be a donor

the next time you renew your driver’s license at the DMV.

___ Advance Medical Directives in case of incapacitation:

___ Durable Health Care Power of Attorney. You state who you want to make medical decisions

on your behalf when you no longer are able to do so, particularly useful for issues not covered by your Living Will. Also called Health Care Proxy, Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, Health Care Power of Attorney.

___ Living Will. You state what types of life-support treatment you want/don’t want if you are no

longer able to communicate or provide consent – example: cognitive decline.

___ Do-Not-Resuscitate Order. You state whether you want every effort or no effort taken should your heart or breathing stop. Must do this form with a physician.

___ Practitioner Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) – complements, does not replace, an

Advance Medical Directive which appoints a legal health care representative and provides instructions for future life-sustaining treatments. POLST provides medical orders for current treatment for persons with serious illness at any age. A doctor-patient consultation is held concerning the patient’s end-of-life preferences and the doctor signs the form along with the patient. The POLST goes further than a Living Will in its specificity and authoritativeness.

___ The “Five Wishes” option. Aging with Dignity, a national non-profit organization, worked with the American Bar Association to develop this end-of-life communication tool. The document currently meets legal requirements in 42 states and several million Americans have completed the form. The form can be filled in hard copy or online. The online version allows users to save the form, print a copy for their records and even transmit it electronically. Aging with Dignity views death as much more than simply a “medical moment.” Emotional, spiritual and personal issues are addressed.

The Five Wishes are: 1) who would you like to make your health care decisions for you when you can no longer make them for yourself, 2) the kind of medical treatment you want to receive, 3) how comfortable you want to be, 4) how you want people to treat you, and, 5) what you want your loved ones to know. Check with legal/medical counsel to determine whether Five Wishes is suitable for you.

Note: There are several online sites and software companies/sites that offer a variety of boiler plate, “fill in the blanks” do it yourself type legal documents - for free or for a fee. Legal professionals universally condemn this self-help approach as not a wise option, i.e. – potentially a bad, costly mistake.

Note: It is IMPORTANT to review (and make changes as family circumstances dictate) the beneficiaries you have named on insurance policies, retirement plans, mutual funds, etc. Beneficiaries so designated on such accounts take precedence over wishes expressed in a last will and testament if there is a conflict.

Note: A brief explanation of hospice care is included in PART ONE, SECTION FOURTEEN of this guide. Hospice offers valuable support during end-of-life situations. When entering hospice you will be required to provide a variety of legal documents and sign new ones related to pending care. Record any feelings you would like to express about receiving hospice care in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS or in a “final wishes” letter if you decide to compose one.

II. FINANCIAL INFORMATION

SECTION SIX - MONTHLY INCOME/CASH FLOW/BUDGET

When the time comes, it would be very helpful for your loved ones to know your monthly cash position. Recurring, required monthly expenses such as mortgage/rent payments, utilities, insurance premiums, are subtracted from monthly cash income. After these expenses are paid, any cash remaining (“disposable income”) can be used for other purposes (food, gas, entertainment, investments, etc.)

Information is for a 12 month period, from ____ to _____ (Round figures up to nearest dollar)

Monthly Income - recurring, monthly cash into your accounts such as employment, Social Security, pension plan, rental income

Source of Income Receiving Account Amount

List of sources & amounts of cash income $ ______

Total cash income $ ______

Monthly Expenses - recurring, required, not miscellaneous, discretionary expenses; examples: mortgage (normally includes real estate taxes and homeowners insurance and, if so, do not also list separately) or rent, auto loan and insurance, life insurance, utilities.)

Paid by credit card deductions - (repeat for each card)

Credit card Amount

List of expenses & amounts by each card $ ______

Total credit card expenses $ ______

Paid by cash account deductions - Checking, Money Market, etc.

(automatic deduction or writing checks) (repeat for each account)

Cash Account Amount

List of expenses & amounts by each account $ _____

Total cash account expenses $ _____

Calculate monthly disposable cash income:

Total cash income $ _____

Deduct credit card expenses _____

Deduct cash account expenses _____

Total monthly disposable cash income $ _____

The above total monthly disposable cash income can be figured into various budgetary items (food, gas, entertainment, clothes, charitable donations, etc.) to come up with a comprehensive budget, including potential funds for saving or other investing.

SECTION SEVEN - ASSETS/DEBTS/NET WORTH

List and determine the current value of all of your assets (what you own: liquid, fixed and deferred) (Include any debt owed to you)

List and determine the current value of all of your debts (what you owe, long & short term)

Assets (what you own) less Liabilities (what you owe) equals net worth

Figuring your net worth is very worthwhile for three reasons:

1) It will give you a snap shot of your financial situation as of the date recorded.

2) When the time comes, it will be of interest and usefulness to your loved ones.

3) It is necessary information for the executor of your will to settle the estate.

A detailed description of what is involved and a form to use in order to come up with an accurate net worth number can be found on several online sites: search for “Personal Net Worth Worksheet.” The filled-in net worth form should be stored in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, ASSETS/DEBTS/ NET WORTH. Note: Only life insurance policies with cash value are included in assets.

SECTION EIGHT - REAL ESTATE

Address and legal description of property owned & location of real estate tax assessment records.

Any pertinent information concerning time share involvements.

List where extra house keys may be found (hidden somewhere outside the house, hanging on hooks

in a closet, locked up somewhere else, in someone else’s possession, etc.)

SECTION NINE – CREDIT ̴ DEBIT ̴ ATM CARDS ̴ CREDIT REPORTING AGENCIES

Card issuer, card number, contact phone number; if card is associated with an awards program include details. For example, an airline program, include the frequent flyer number.

Whether you pay off the balances each month or carry a balance from month to month. Note: It is a good idea to make copies of the front and back of credit/debit cards, passports, driver’s license, Social Security card, Medicare card, etc. and have on file for future reference. For example, doing this is helpful when traveling in case one of the above is lost or stolen.

Credit Reporting Agencies (CRA’s) websites and toll free phone numbers (info may have changed)

(888) 397-3742 (888) 548-7878 (800) 916-8800

SECTION TEN - AUTOS

List cars owned/leased – Note: auto loan or lease information is covered in SECTION SEVEN, ASSETS/

DEBT/NET WORTH.

VIN (Vehicle Identification Number) for each vehicle, state driver’s license number, location of extra car keys. Note: Auto insurance policies are located in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS.

SECTION ELEVEN - FURNITURE/VALUABLES/PERSONAL EFFECTS

A note should be made here of what actions you have taken and the actual picture/videos, receipts and lists should be filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, HOUSEHOLD.

Take pictures/video of furniture by room (list date purchased and amount paid for major furniture items, if available.) Record the date of the pictures/video.

List jewelry and other valuables (with date purchased and amount paid, if available.) This information would also be very useful in case of theft or a house fire or flooding.

If you have rented a storage unit for personal belonging provide all pertinent information. List any

personal effects and mementos to be given to selected persons. Choose from the following list of suggestions, add items missing you would like to include. (File list in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS and make a note here you have done so.)

Clothing Firearms Medals Books Special Equipment Jewelry Sword Works of Art

Heirlooms Plaques & Awards Stamps/Coin Collections Other Collections

SECTION TWELVE - RECURRING BILLS & HOW PAID

Provide the company name and contact information for each of the following providers. You may well need to add to the list. Detail how the payment is made to each company, such as automatic deduction from your checking account, automatic charge to your credit card, writing and mailing a check or calling in the payment; include how often payments are made and monthly/quarterly/annual due dates.

___ Auto Insurance

___ Cell Phone

___ Credit Cards

___ Internet

___ Mortgage Servicing

___ Home

___ Cleaning ___ Security/Automation

___ Garbage Pick-up ___ Septic System

___ Insurance ___ Telephone landline (or internet connection)

___ Landscaping ___ TV provider (cable, satellite)

___ Newspaper delivery ___ Utilities: ___ Gas ___ Electric ___ Water

III. DIGITAL WORLD

SECTION THIRTEEN - DIGITAL DEVICES & ONLINE ACCOUNTS (“Digital Assets”)

This section is concerned with your digital assets and your electronic “footprint.” Here you will be listing your digital devices and online personal and financial accounts. Related password security issues will also be covered. Perhaps you haven’t thought about the fact that your online accounts will live on (“digital afterlife”) after you have died. These accounts may or may not be of a great financial value, but they do need protection against exploitation and abandonment. Your loved ones will need to gain access to these accounts to address the legalities/desirability of continuing or canceling them. State laws have not caught up with the digital age and related requirements by online companies vary considerably.

___ List your digital devices, sample listing:

Personal Computer Smart Phone E-Book Reader Tablet Laptop Apple iPad/iPod

___ List your personal & financial online accounts (“electronic footprint”) in the following categories

(examples only):

Personal: E-mail (Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, work-based,) awards programs (hotels, resorts, airlines, etc.,) social media (Facebook, twitter, Linkedin, Instagram, Flickr, Google+, Pinterest, Classmates,) genealogy (), internet service provider, your online business or blog/web hosting (Blogger, GoDaddy), Ticketmaster, Messaging/VOIP (Skype, WhatsApp),

video streaming (Netflix, Hulu), cloud storage (iCloud, Microsoft OneDrive), gaming (Xbox Live,

PlayStation)

Financial: banking, mutual funds, brokerage, IRAs, utilities, mortgage, PayPal, credit/debit cards, time share/resort

Shopping: Amazon, E-bay, Walmart, Target, Best Buy, food delivery services

Travel: airlines, Orbitz, Expedia, Hotwire, , TripAdvisor, frequent flyer miles,

Uber, Vacation Rental By Owner (VRBO), Airbnb

Music: Pandora, SiriusXM, itunes, Spotify

___ Security (account and digital device passwords, security questions, logon)

User names, passwords, personal identification numbers (PINs) and security questions associated with these devices and accounts need to be organized, recorded and safeguarded. Experts recommend devising long and difficult passwords, not using the same password for several accounts and changing the passwords often. Some digital devices now offer the security of biometrics (voice recognition, finger prints, eyes and touch security.)

Another option for password security would be to take advantage of password manager software which is a program – either “cloud” based or on your computer/laptop - that keeps your passwords and other logon information in an encrypted database. You only have to remember one password – the one that opens the password manager. A few popular companies that offer this service are: LastPass, Dashlane, KeePass, 1Password and Password Safe. Choose carefully if you go this route.

Extreme caution must be exercised in deciding how/where to store password related information. There is no one best answer to this issue. The level of security in a home/apartment and each individual’s comfort level with different options vary greatly. Whatever your decision, your loved ones need to know how to access this sensitive information.

___ “Digital Afterlife”

Be aware that that each online account has its own requirements concerning how to cancel the account following the death of the owner. These requirements can be quite involved and lengthy. is a website that has a considerable amount of pertinent information. The site also contains several helpful articles and checklists concerning end-of-life planning in general.

The laws, systems and protocols for survivors (loved ones) to gain access to a deceased owner’s accounts are evolving.

IV. FINAL PLANS/PERSONAL EXPRESSIONS

SECTION FOURTEEN - CRITICAL END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS & EXPRESSION OF VALUES

As a society we are very uncomfortable confronting end-of-life. We don’t like to think about such things let alone discuss them with loved ones. In this section you have the opportunity to overcome this hesitancy by opening up a channel of communication with your family. The goal is to handle end-of-life issues with thoughtful consideration and make your final wishes known in writing. By doing so you would take a step toward reducing uncertainty and overall stress among your loved ones and precluding any potential disagreements concerning your intentions.

Give this some serious thought. None of us would wait until a few weeks, let alone a few days, before the event to plan a wedding celebration. Is it wise for you to do that very thing in preparing for another celebration, the celebration of your life?

In addition to what you write here, experts in the field of making final plans recommend that you have a conversation with your loved ones concerning what matters to you as you address end-of-life issues. The website presents a framework for having such a conversation.

In this section you will also be expressing to your loved ones what you think is important and how you want to be remembered - your intangible, “values” estate as opposed to your financial estate.

INTRODUCTION

This introductory section is designed to help you make informed end-of-life decisions. It encompasses:

- Background information concerning hospice care and the funeral home industry

- Glossary of Terms

- A representative sampling of related Sources of Information - advocacy groups, governmental

organizations and industry/trade associations

Hospice Care

At last count, there are over 5,500 hospice care agencies, both for profit and non-profit, currently operating in the United States. Hospice addresses the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the terminally ill. It emphasizes palliative medicine rather than cure oriented therapies and interventions. The focus is on symptom management, comfort and compassion to ensure the best possible quality of life for the patient and their families. Hospice care values life and is not directed at either hastening nor prolonging the dying process. How the various states and individual hospice organizations address the current wave of Death with Dignity or Right-to-Die ballot initiatives will evolve over time.

There are several misconceptions about hospice care: “Hospice is a place to die” “It is only for cancer patients” “They take everything away” “I’ll not be able to see my doctor” “I can’t afford it” “All you’ll do is give him morphine ”

Hospice care is not a place and is not about dying, it’s about living. Studies have shown that hospice can extend life by providing loving care to the terminally ill. It views dying as much more than a medical event.

The time to consider hospice care is when a patient meets “The 4D’s” criteria:

- Diagnosis: terminal illness with a prognosis of 6 months or less

- Decision: for comfort, not curative care

- Decline: continued decline in health

- Doctor: collaboration with the primary care or attending physician

The major payment sources for hospice care are Medicare Hospice Benefit (Part A,) Medicaid Hospice Benefit, Managed Care or Private Insurance, Veterans Administration and Self Pay.

Check with your health care advisors to obtain more detailed hospice care information. If you so desire, you can write out your feelings about hospice care in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS, PERSONAL EXPRESSIONS or in a “Final Wishes” letter if you decide to compose one.

Evolution and trends in the funeral home (“Death”) industry in the United States

Evolution

The funeral industry in the U. S. did not emerge until after the Civil War. Until that time funerals were organized by family and neighbors and held at home. The dead were often displayed in the family home in the parlor, which is the reason for the term funeral parlor that is still in use today. Loved ones were buried on family property or in a local church cemetery.

As our population settled in large cities, common cemeteries became popular and funeral homes began

to appear to help families with the stressful tasks associated with the death of a loved one. Hence the term “undertaker” which refers to the person (funeral director) who ”undertook” the responsibilities of funeral arrangements. Grieving families began to see the benefit of the “package” of services offered by funeral homes.

Thus, death care gradually became institutionalized. In 2019 there were 19,136 funeral homes in the U.S, down from over 22,000 several years ago. Some are very elegant. Some are store front operations that offer limited services. Some have their own crematories and mausoleums. As in other sectors of our economy, it is a very competitive business.

Something very important happened in 1984. The Federal Trade Commission, the agency which regulates the funeral home industry, passed the Funeral Rule (updated in 1994). This ruling required all funeral provides to disclose adequate information concerning the goods and services they offer for purchase by the public. The General Price List (GPL) is the keystone of the ruling. Specific disclosures must be provided in writing to the consumer regarding embalming, alternative contains for direct cremation, the amount of the funeral home’s basic service fee, and several additional disclosures which, in total, enable the consumer to make “apples to apples” comparisons. Funeral homes face stiff financial penalties for failure to comply with this ruling.

Trends

Alternatives to a full-service funeral home. In recent years there has been an emergence of alternative funeral service providers and retail stores who market themselves as lower cost alternatives to traditional funeral homes. They offer a “no frills” approach and may specialize in only one area of the business such as cremation. Many do not actually own funeral homes, instead they will rent facilities such as store fronts.

Diversity in staffing. New faces in the profession. Funeral service has traditionally been a male-dominated profession with the businesses being passed down from one generation to the next. A growing number of mortuary school graduates have had no previous experience in the field. Women are also being attracted to the business in increasing numbers. Currently, more than 60% of mortuary science students are women.

Consolidation. Most funeral homes are still small, independent and family-owned but for several years large corporations (“consolidators”) have been buying up these family run operations to the point where they accounted for approximately 11% of the industry in 2019. They are often referred to as “McMortuaries.” Service Corporation International is the prime example. “Dignity Memorial” brand.

Technology. Funeral homes are keeping up with trends in modern technology:

Most have websites that list their services and prices and some have planning tools the public can use to initially consider end-of-life choices online. These websites also make doing research and comparison shopping among funeral homes much easier.

Most, if not all, funeral homes have setup memorial websites where family and friends can logon to view the obituary, leave messages of encouragement and condolences and obtain information concerning the memorial service, etc.

Some will help families create memorial videos to be shown at visitations and/or funerals or memorial services. These videos are a special keepsake to be treasured forever.

A growing number are offering video streaming of the funeral/memorial service for those who are unable to be there in person.

Increasing cremation rate. According to the National Funeral Directors Association’s 2020 Cremation & Burial Report, the cremation rate in 2020 is projected to be 56% of all body dispositions. By 2040 cremations are projected to reach 94.4% nationwide. The biggest reason for this shift is cost. Cremations are simple and cheap. They are also seen as a more flexible option for Americans who are increasingly mobile and may live and die far from their chosen final resting place. Also, the Catholic Church which had previously frowned upon cremation has decreed that cremation is allowed under certain conditions with the stipulation that the ashes be buried in a cemetery or other sacred place. The growth of cremation is shaking up the $20 billion death industry. The number of funeral homes has been declining as previously noted.

Increasing costs. As with everything else, the cost of dealing with a funeral home, crematory or, cemetery has trended upward. The major cost considerations are the disposition of the body (burial, cremation, donation), choice of funeral home, level of services provided by the funeral home and the quality of the merchandise (casket, etc.) purchased. Cemetery costs of the plot, burial services and fees to maintain the grave site are additional expenses. Costs also vary widely from one part of the country to another.

There is no cost involved if one decides to have his/her whole body donated to science or to have body tissue or organs donated. The body will eventually be cremated and the ashes given to the family.

If direct cremation is the choice (no embalming, viewing, visitation, funeral/memorial service, burial costs, only a simple container used for the cremation) with ashes given to the family, costs can typically run in the $1,000 or $2,000 range, or more. Of course, cremation with other funeral home services involved (viewing before cremation, funeral/memorial service support, etc.) would involve more cost.

There is no “standard” or “normal” cost of a funeral with burial. The National Funeral Directors Association reported in 2019 that the median price of a funeral with viewing and burial was $7,640; if a vault was added (not always required by a cemetery) the cost rose to $9,135. Additional cemetery costs ranged from $3,780 to $10,165. Consider these numbers as guidelines only. Most important is to know exactly what you want and to get a detailed listing of the associated costs.

Note: Making final arrangements for a loved one is a process wrapped in emotions and sentimentality and potential guilt from shopping for better funeral pricing. Keeping costs down doesn’t mean you don’t care. It does not matter how much you loved the family member who has died, if you spend whatever your heart feels, you’d be bankrupt.

Glossary of Terms

Alternative Container – Non-metal, combustible (cardboard, fiberboard, composite, etc.) cremation container, much cheaper than a casket which is not required for cremation

At-Need Contract – the deceased had no Pre-Need (pre-arranged, pre-funded) contract in place with a funeral home so following the death and at the time of need (At-Need) a signed agreement (contract) must be reached with the funeral home covering services and products

Basic Service Fee – part of the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule which permits funeral homes to charge a consumer a general fee to cover basic services and “unallocated” overhead expenses

Casket – a box or chest for burying human remains

Columbarium – a structure with niches (small spaces) for placement of cremated remains in urns or other approved small containers; it may be outdoors or part of a mausoleum

Committal Service – a brief service of prayers or readings at the graveside prior to burial (committing a body to the ground); also called a graveside service

Cremation – exposing human remains and the container holding them to extreme heat and flame and processing in order to reduce the body to ashes and small bone fragments

Crypt – a space in a mausoleum or other building underground in a vault that can hold whole or cremated remains

Death Care – term used by practitioners to describe the funeral home industry

Direct cremation – the body is cremated in a timely manner as soon as the processing and filing of all legally required documents are completed; there is no wake or visitation or funeral service with the body present; it is an economical option since only minimal services are provided

Disposition – the placement of cremated or whole human remains in their final resting place

Endowment Care Fund – Money collected by a cemetery from the purchasers which is placed in trust for the maintenance and upkeep of the cemetery in the future

Entombment – burial in a mausoleum crypt

Funeral Ceremony – a service commemorating the deceased with the body present

Funeral Rule – A ruling established by the Federal Trade Commission in 1984 which requires all funeral providers to disclose adequate information concerning the goods and services they offer for purchase by the public

General Price List (GPL) – the keystone of the Funeral Rule; specific disclosures must be provided in writing to the consumer regarding embalming, alternative containers for direct cremation, the basic service fee, the Casket Price List and the Outer Burial Container Price List thus enabling consumers to make “apples- to-apples” comparisons

Grave Liner (outer container) – a concrete cover that fits over a casket in a grave, some liners cover the tops and sides of the casket, other liners (vaults) completely enclose the casket; grave liners minimize ground settling on the cemetery grounds, cemeteries have established requirements for their use

“Green” Alternatives to burial/cremation - (not widely available or used at this point) The process, “resomation,” uses water & potassium hydroxide heated at high temperature/pressure to dissolve the body into its chemical components & ash; “promession” then reduces the body to a fine power by submerging it in liquid nitrogen and pulverizing the remains. Interment of the body is done in a bio-degradable casket, shroud or favorite blanket. No embalming fluid, no concrete vaults. It is considered by many to be the way nature intended our bodies to be reunited with the earth.

Another “green” alternative is Human Composting – this procedure became effective in May, 2020 in the state of Washington, the only state to do so as of this writing.

Immediate Burial – a burial that occurs shortly after death with no viewing or visitation and is usually in

a simple container or casket. Embalming is not necessary or required

Interment – burial of the body/ashes in the ground (grave) or above ground (mausoleum entombment)

Inurnment – the placing of cremated remains in an urn followed by placement in a niche or some other resting location

Legacy Letter – you give a gift of yourself in the form of a letter; you pass on personal and family stories; you share your heart and mind; you paint a portrait of who you really are; you leave footprints in the sand so you will be remembered when you are gone

Mausoleum – a building in which human remains are interred (entombed); can be indoor, garden/outdoor or private

Memorial Service – a ceremony commemorating the deceased without the body present

Memoir – a written narrative of your life’s experiences; it tells the story of your life (autobiography) and the values and lessons you have taken from your life; similar in purpose to a legacy letter, a memoir is

more detailed and lengthy

Memorial Society – a nonprofit organization that provides information about funerals and disposition but is not part of the funeral industry

“McMortuaries” – chain owned funeral homes; the largest funeral home and cemetery provider is Service Corporation International (SCI) which, at last count, had over 1,500 funeral homes and 400 cemeteries in the U. S., Canada and Puerto Rico. It is publicly traded. Brand name is “Dignity Memorial.”

Niche – a space in a columbarium, mausoleum or niche wall to hold an urn

Pre-Need Plan – in advance of the need a person devises a plan concerning end-of-life issues such as disposition of the body, the commemoration (funeral/memorial service) and, perhaps, how the required services and products will be funded when the time comes; no contract is signed with a funeral home and no money is paid; plan is shared with loved ones and a funeral home may agree to keep such a plan on file (registered) for future reference – it is a plan ahead but don’t pay ahead approach

Pre-Need (Pre-Arrangement) Contract – in advance of the need a person pre-pays for eventual funeral services, locking in the current price

Urn –a container to hold cremated human remains, it can be placed in a columbarium or mausoleum or it can be buried in the ground

Sources of Information: (A small sampling only, do an online search; contact info may have changed)

Consumer Advocacy Group:

Funeral Consumers Alliance (Protecting a consumer’s rights to choose a meaningful, dignified and

33 Patchen Road affordable funerals since 1963)

South Burlington, VT 05403

(802) 865-8300 (Note: States also have advocacy groups)

Government Organizations:

Federal Trade Commission Local Office of Consumer & Business Education

Washington, DC 20580

(877) 382-4357 (Sponsor of the Funeral Rule of 1984)

U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Administration

(800) 827-1000 cem.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – to learn about donating tissue, organs or a whole body



Industry/Trade Associations

Cremation Association of North America

499 Northgate Parkway

Wheeling, IL 60090-2646

(312) 245-1077

Funeral and Memorial Information Council – (death care industry membership organization)

13625 Bishops Drive

Brookfield, WI 53005 – 6607

(262) 814-1545

International Order of the Golden Rule (Independent & family owned funeral homes)

9101 Burnet Road, Suite 120

Austin, TX 78758 (800) 637-8030

National Funeral Directors Association

13625 Bishop’s Drive

Brookfield, WI 53005

(800) 228-6332

Non-Profit Organizations:

National Body Donor Program, Inc. DeathWise

P.O. Box 775039 2269 Chestnut Street, #272

St. Louis, MO 63177 San Francisco, CA 94123

(866) 382-6237 (415) 322-8703

CRITICAL END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS

There are a lot of things, big and small, we all need to consider as we contemplate end-of-life issues. The three main ones are: the disposition of our bodies, what type of commemoration we desire and whether we want to express our values by writing a legacy letter or memoir.

Make a note here that any funeral home or cemetery plot contracts and personal expressions of your values are filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS. Contact information for a funeral home or cemetery you have pre-selected should be listed in PART ONE, SECTION THREE, ADVISORS & TRUSTED FRIENDS. Pre-selecting a funeral home and making your final wishes known goes a long way in alleviating uncertainty and stress among your loved ones.

DISPOSITION OF THE BODY

The word disposition (dispose of) refers to the manner in which human remains are finally handled and

the final resting place. Making a decision concerning this topic is morbid to some but necessary to all. Disposition alternatives:

Burial

Do you want:

___ An earth burial (grave) or an above ground burial (mausoleum entombment?)

___ An “immediate” burial? No embalming, viewing, visitation or body present (open or closed casket) at the commemoration (memorial service)

___Your body to be embalmed to make it available for a viewing, a visitation and/or present (open or closed casket) at your funeral?

___ To be buried in a certain cemetery? If so, identify. Have you purchased a plot/mausoleum niche at this cemetery? Are you a veteran who is eligible to be buried at a national cemetery, is that your wish?

___ A graveside (committal) service? If so, who do you want to be in attendance?

Note: You may be interested in learning that high tech has invaded the world of cemetery headstones.

Using a QR (Quick Response) code imbedded in a granite headstone, smart phone users can connect to

a personalized website which can contain such information as the obituary, family heritage and history,

photos and comments and even links to share content on popular social sites such as Facebook or Twitter. Go to if you want to learn more about “living headstones.”

Cremation

Do you want:

___To be cremated?

___ A “simple” or “direct” cremation where your body is transported directly to the funeral home/crematory and is cremated shortly after the authorization form and permits are in order?

If so, do you want to allow a short period of time for your loved ones to view your body?

(There would be no visitation nor would your body be present at a funeral)

___ Your ashes buried in a cemetery, memorial garden or elsewhere (specify where)

___ Your ashes interred in a mausoleum, columbarium or elsewhere (specify where)

___ Your ashes given to your loved ones for final disposition?

___ Your ashes to be mingled with those of another? If so, who?

___ Your ashes scattered, if so, where? In a specific place that has meaning to you? The

scattering must be in an approved area. Perhaps in a cemetery scattering garden or at sea?

Donation – Anatomical gifts

Arrangements must be made ahead of time for bodily donations. (See two website references in Sources of Information, above.) Any such arrangements should be filed in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS.

Do you want to:

___ Donate your bodily tissue?

___ Donate your organs for transplant?

___Donate your entire body to a medical school for use in teaching or research?

COMMEMORATIVE CELEBRATIONS

Funeral/Mass of Christian Burial/Graveside Service – body or ashes present

___ Do you want a funeral?

If so, where do you want it held? Funeral Home? House of worship? Home? Other?

___ Do you want to plan the details of the funeral (program, prayers, readings, flowers, speakers, scripture, music, audio/visual DVD presentation, special invitation to members of civic/fraternal organizations of which you are a member, reception, etc.)?

___ Would you rather have your loved ones plan the funeral to tailor it to their wishes?

___ Would you rather pay the funeral home to plan and coordinate the funeral?

___ Do you want a Graveside service?

Memorial/Celebration of Life Service/Memorial Mass - body or ashes not present

___ Do you want a memorial service?

If so, answer the questions posed for a funeral, above

Note: If you are a member of a house of worship you may feel you have a support system in place to help you (or your loved ones, if that is your choice) plan and execute a funeral or memorial service. If that is the case, one option would be to contract with the funeral home for the disposition of your body and have you or the family assume the responsibility of planning the commemoration.

___If the funeral home offers the option, do you want a webcasting (live streaming) of the commemoration for the benefit of family and friends who are unable to attend?

Obituary

___ Do you want to completely write your own obituary, leave behind a rough draft or leave the whole project up to your loved ones (with or without help from the funeral home?)

Related note: If the time and date of a memorial service is included in an obituary some folks make arrangements for someone to be in the home for security purposes.

Note: You may want to consolidate your above choices for disposition of your body and commemoration into a letter – a Narrative of Final Wishes. This letter would be in addition to any “values” oriented legacy or memoir you may choose to write. An example of how this letter might look follows shortly.

EXPRESSION OF VALUES

You have a legacy. It is part of your intangible “values” estate, so celebrate and share it! This is your opportunity to leave some memory footprints in the sands of time. There will never be another you, recording that uniqueness has value. You will be separated in time from future generations of your family but here is the opportunity to bridge that separation and become connected by giving future family generations a glimpse of what was important to you and what you held dear to your heart.

A legacy letter or memoir are ideal ways to pass on your intangible estate to those you love – it is a gift they will cherish forever.

Legacy Letter

An updated 3,500 year-old tradition, a legacy letter is a loving document that translates your personal and family stories and values into life lessons that can inform and transform current and future family members. It is a lasting testament of who you really are and what you deem is important. It could be fairly short but that depends upon where the spirit leads you - do keep in mind the purpose is not for you to give lengthy details of your life.

___ Do you want to write a legacy letter?

Memoir

A memoir is your own account of your life with more details than a legacy letter. It would be part autobiographical but would also involve introspection and a creative view of your life to include values and life lessons.

___ Do you want to write a memoir?

Note: An alternative or addition to a legacy letter or memoir would be to make a video recording. Future generations would be able to see and hear you reflect on what you feel in your heart – very powerful!

Tips to help you make informed final plans decisions:

1) Become familiar with the vocabulary of the death care industry – see Glossary of Terms.

2) Become informed, educate yourself on the subject – See Sources of Information.

3) Ask family and friends for recommendations they may have in the selection of a funeral home.

Check with the local Better Business Bureau.

4) Decide what you want concerning disposition of your body and a commemorative service.

Note: From a financial point of view (cost is of varying importance to families) a direct

cremation with the family assuming the responsibility for the commemorative service

is the most economical. A full service funeral with the body being embalmed for

viewing/visitation and presence at the funeral followed by a graveside committal

and the funeral home handling the commemorative service details is very expensive.

5) Go to the websites of several local funeral homes and compare the services and prices. A funeral

home’s General Price List may be reflected on their website; you might also notice prices for various

packages, products (caskets, etc.) and itemized services. Some funeral home sites include pre-

planning tools which, when filled in, can give you an idea of costs. You will find there is a fairly wide

range in prices but don’t equate price with value. Print out pertinent information. It is not uncommon

for funeral homes to offer limited time specials on the services they offer.

6) Decide if you want to only consider family/locally owned funeral homes

7) Attempt to match what the various funeral homes are offering with what you have determined

are your final wishes.

8) Visit a short list of those funeral homes which appear to be the best fit for what you need. If the city

where you live is large enough you will notice considerable differences in the facilities from one

one funeral home to another – store fronts to large and impressive and some may have their own

crematories and/or mausoleums.

9) When you make your final choice you need to decide if you want to plan ahead but not pay ahead or

whether you want to enter into a pre-need contract (pre-arrangement where payment is made in

advance of the need.)

Note: “Look before you leap.” The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule does not cover pre-need

(pre-arrangement) contracts. Be aware that regulations governing funeral and burial agreements

vary by state and there are significant differences in these state laws. There are pros and cons to these agreements. If you would like to consider entering into such an agreement educate yourself first and be prepared to ask lots of questions.

10) Decide if you want to pre-select a cemetery, pay for a plot, gravestone/marker, etc. and, if so, take the required actions.

SAMPLE NARRATIVE OF FINAL WISHES

Dear Family,

I know this a very difficult time for you. I wanted to make things as least stressful as possible so I have

carefully decided upon a “pre-need plan” which covers my final wishes. It is outlined in this letter. I have discussed this plan with the XYZ funeral home and I would like to use their services. They have a copy of my plan in their files for quick reference when the time comes. I have decided not to enter into a “pre- need contract” so nothing has been paid for in advance.

My wish is to have a “direct cremation” which means the cremation will take place shortly after the authorization form is signed and necessary permits are on hand. If you would like and it is logistically practical, I have no objections to a private family viewing. I am a veteran and wish my ashes would be buried at Arlington National Cemetery, the funeral home can make those arrangements. There will be no

charges for the services provided by Arlington.

I would like to use the funeral home’s online memorial site to notify close friends of my death. I have set

up a group named “Who to Notify” in my e-mail address book for that purpose and notices can be sent

out once the site is up and running.

As you know, I have been a long time member of the ABC church here in _____. I would like to have the

memorial service there. I have already talked to the pastor, Dr. ______, and he is aware of my wishes. I

view the service as a final reflection of who I was and what was important to me so I have written out the

details of the service including who I would like to have participate if they are available. I have also chosen

some photos I would like used as part of a memorial video which could be used during the service or at a reception. My wishes for the service are on file in the records section of this document. I have not written my obituary and I will leave that task to you. Rather than flowers, I request that donations be given in my name to my alma mater, _____________.

Also on file is a legacy letter in which I express what I feel are my major life lessons learned and my values.

The letter will, hopefully, in some way keep me connected with the present and future generations of

our family.

My love to you all, Dad

PART TWO: WHAT MY LOVED ONES NEED TO DO

PART ONE of the guide answered the “What do we need to know?” question.

PART TWO provides the answers to the two follow on “action” questions your loved ones will have following your death:

“What do we need to do?” “Where do we start?”

Please review and add/delete action items as you see fit. You may want to rearrange the timing on others. The end result will be an extremely useful guide of considerable value to your loved ones.

Notes to loved ones using this document:

The exact sequence in which action items are accomplished (no matter what the priority) is a decision for you to make (NECESSARY: GET HELP FROM QUALIFIED LEGAL, MEDICAL AND FINANCIAL ADVISORS AS YOU GO ALONG. You will undoubtedly be working on several actions simultaneously from a mixture of priorities. Some steps advisable for you may not be listed here or may be in a wrong priority.

Other than with the first priority action items in which “time is of the essence,” you do not need to put pressure on yourself by feeling everything needs to be done all at once.

Along with a certified copy of the death certificate, governmental agencies and commercial companies require a variety of additional information (it is called “burden of proof”) to validate the death and authorize the payments of benefits. This completed guide will insure that any information of that nature will be more readily available.

ASK FOR HELP! You are going to need assistance from family, friends and expert advisors.

FIRST PRIORITY ACTIONS

___Immediately following death: The death must be pronounced by someone in authority. If the deceased was in a hospital, nursing home or assisted living facility a legal pronouncement of death and completion of the death certificate will be executed by a qualified staff member. If the deceased died at home under hospice care (attended), call the hospice nurse who can declare the death and help facilitate the transport of the body.

If the deceased was at home not under hospice care (non-attended) call Emergency Services (911.) A paramedic team will respond and may view the deceased as a patient-at-risk and attempt to resuscitate (if a Do-Not-Resuscitate document is not presented to them) followed by taking the deceased to an emergency room. Some locales may allow paramedics to issue an official pronouncement of death. Call your local emergency responders to determine their procedures and legal authority.

___ Arrange for transportation of the remains. If no autopsy is needed, the body is normally transported by a funeral home or crematorium (pre-selected, hopefully.) Note: Even if the deceased was an organ donor that may not be possible depending upon the location of death and the timing of events – to use a legal term, “time is of the essence.”

___ Contact immediate family

___ Contact extended family or request immediate family members do so

___ Contact Primary Care Physician

___ Gain entry into safe deposit box if applicable (prior arrangements with bank required)

___ If deceased was living alone, secure the property

___ Arrange for help with pets, shopping, cooking and children as needed

___ Notify current employer – at some point discuss benefits

___ Locate original copy of the last will and testament for use by the executor/executrix

___ The executor/executrix or personal representative (in some states) of the last will and testament should consult with the family attorney for guidance on what legal steps need to be taken going forward. Establish a time frame to discuss probate, estate and inheritance issues and tax considerations. The details of settling an estate are extensive and beyond the scope of this document.

___ If a Revocable Living Trust is in place, the successor trustee should meet with the estate attorney for guidance on what legal steps need to be taken going forward.

___ Visit the selected funeral home. Review the wishes of the deceased before you visit. If a funeral home has been pre-selected, the contact information can be found in PART ONE, SECTION THREE, ADVISORS & FRIENDS and if there is an associated pre-plan or contract (pre-arranged and pre-paid agreement with the funeral home) it will be in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS. Any such pre-plan or contract will serve as the basis for the discussions.

Major topics you will be discussing are the wishes of the deceased such as disposition of the remains (burial, cremation, donation,) cemetery arrangements, obituary and funeral/memorial service details (whether handled by the family or delegated to the funeral home.) The funeral home will have a complete listing of what needs to be discussed, following is a sample listing to help prepare you for the meeting.

___ In accordance with the Funeral Rule you should be shown the General Price List and an itemized

list for all funeral home products and services even if part of a package.

___ Death notice in local paper

___ Obituary: Funeral home will help with the obituary if desired and place it in the local

newspaper. Helpful online sites for obituary writing are in PART ONE, SECTION FOURTEEN. (If an

obituary was previously written by the deceased or other family member it should be filed in

PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS. Discuss getting the obituary

placed in papers where the deceased previously lived.

___Certified copies of the Death Certificate: Fifteen to 20 are commonly needed. The funeral home

will obtain them from the appropriate governmental agency.

___Confirm that the funeral home will make the initial notification of the death to Social Security. Social Security will place the decedent’s name on the Social Security Master Death Index which is designed to prevent fraud from someone collecting benefits; credit reports are also flagged. You will need to contact Social Security directly at some point to discuss potential benefits. It is

a good idea to also directly contact the credit reporting agencies (listed in PART ONE, SECTION NINE) since there may be a lengthy delay in Social Security doing so.

___If deceased was a military veteran, discuss eligibility for military honors at the funeral service.

Confirm that the funeral home will make the initial notification of the death to the Veterans

Administration (VA.) You will need to contact the VA directly at some point to discuss potential

benefits.

___Flowers or charity; if flowers, disposition thereof following the memorial service, if funeral home

will be involved in handling the service.

___ Funeral home provided templates to be used to notify companies, etc. to close/change

accounts, claim benefits and terminate services. (if available)

___ Numerous funeral homes have a “Recently Departed” packet, ask for one.

Note: There are several online sites designed to help with funeral planning. One good example is .

___ If it is your choice, meet with the selected clergy (funeral home director if that is the plan) to work out details of the commemoration, the reception following the service, etc.

___ Memorial Website Option: If you desire an online presence, most, if not all, funeral homes offer a memorial site as part of their services. Other options: and . Another option is to set up a Facebook Memorial Page. Family and friends can use any of these sites for updates and to offer condolences. A word of caution: lack of privacy is an issue - identity thieves are very active on social media.

___ Notify out-of-town friends, prior employers and business colleagues via e-mail, phone call, snail mail letter, Facebook, etc. of the death, the commemoration details and, if applicable, the memorial website (see above.) The list(s) of people to notify (and how) may be found (if compiled by the deceased) in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, FINAL PLANS.

___ Arrange for family members or close friends to answer the door and phone and to help with hospitality for out of town visitors and any child care requirements.

___Start keeping a list of well-wishers to thank later

___ If the deceased was a retired veteran of active military service and you are a survivor eligible to receive benefits based on that service call the Casualty Assistance Office (CAO) at the nearest military installation. (If you need help finding an office call the Veterans Administration’s toll free number: 1-800-827-1000.) The Casualty Assistance Office will inform you what documents are needed from you, what actions you need to take and how to obtain a new military ID. Make arrangements to visit the office. If distance is a problem business can be conducted via telephone calls. The office will need a copy of the death certificate and DD Form214, Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty. Helpful background information can be found online at , the Veterans Administration website. Once on the site, click on “VA Benefits” and from the drop down menu, click on “Burial and Memorial” and “Survivor Benefits.”

CAO will contact the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS), 1-800 321-1080 on your behalf. DFAS is responsible for all the details concerning closing out the retiree’s pension account and for making arrangements for a surviving spouse to start receiving benefits such as Survivor Benefit Plan monthly annuity payments (if the deceased had enrolled.)

Note: The following Second and Third Priority Actions are not listed in any particular order in each category and your loved ones will probably end up working on several at the same time. The account numbers and contact phone numbers which will be needed are listed in previous sections of PART ONE, WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW.

Second Priority Actions

Note: There will be important changes regarding joint accounts, titles and deeds to vehicles/real estate and retirement and investment accounts. It may be wise to consult professional tax, financial or legal advisors before taking action.

Note: Be aware of which online accounts are set up to make periodic automatic debits before action is taken to close the account. See PART ONE: WHAT LOVED ONES NEED TO KNOW, SECTION TWELVE, RECURRING BILLS & HOW PAID.

Notify the following: (Funeral home or others will probably make Social Security & VA notifications)

___Local Social Security office to determine benefits. National phone number is: 1-800-772-1213.

___If applicable, Veterans Administration to determine benefits. National phone number: 1-800-827-1000.

___Insurance companies – contact information for each company is listed IN PART ONE, SECTION THREE, ADVISORS & TRUSTED FRIENDS. The actual policies are located in PART THREE, PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS, INSURANCE. Particularly important is life insurance, large sums of money are usually involved.

___ Banks where checking/savings accounts are held. Have all the pertinent information regarding the account on hand before contacting (If you, the loved one performing these action steps, are a co-owner on the account(s) and only one signature is required on checks, no rush on this.)

___Credit card companies – change, close accounts as required

___ Credit reporting agencies (CRAs): Equifax, Experian, TransUnion (see PART ONE, SECTION NINE

for website address and toll free phone number information.)

Note: the deceased’s lenders and Social Security will notify the Credit Reporting Agencies ( CRAs) of the death once they have been notified. The process may take some time so it is advisable to notify them directly to preclude identity theft.

___ Mortgage company

___ Home Equity Line of Credit company

___ Mutual Fund companies and other financial institutions where investments are held

___ CPA - ask for guidance concerning any upcoming tax reporting requirements

___ Auto loan company

___ ATM/Debit card companies

___ Pension/retirement plans

___ Post Office – reroute mail if deceased lived alone

___ Department of Motor Vehicles to cancel deceased’s driver’s license

___ If the deceased was covered by Medicare, cancel the following (if applicable):

Medicare Prescription Drug Coverage (Part D), Medicare Advantage Plan or a Medigap policy

___ Send out thank you notes to acknowledge acts of kindness, donations, etc.

___ Pay unpaid bills – many bills may be set up to be paid automatically by credit card or checking

account

Third Priority Actions

___ Call the local county’s office of Motor Vehicles to determine if you need to turn in the driver’s license of the deceased and to arrange to have your automobile titles changed if required.

Notify the following:

___ Utility companies

___ Home security company

___ Home maintenance/services providers: maid, landscaping, window washing, snow blowing, homecare, meals-on-wheels, etc. as required.

___ Prescription drugs provider

___ Election Board - (Voters’ Registration Office)

___ Prior employers – include a copy of the obituary, check on potential benefits

___ U.S. Post Office – Forward mail, cancel post office box, etc. as appropriate

___ Alumni Office of the deceased’s alma mater – include a copy of the obituary

___ Rewards programs (airline, hotel, etc.)

___ Direct Marketing Association to opt the deceased person out of receiving credit solicitations

website: cgi/ddnc

___National Do Not Call Registry (Federal Trade Commission) to opt the deceased person

out of receiving unsolicited marketing calls

website:

___Health clubs and athletic clubs

___Public library if card holder

___Cancel the deceased’s membership in civic, social, fraternal, religious and military organizations (before canceling, check on possible assistance/benefits)

___Cancel magazine subscriptions as required

___Shred sensitive documents no longer needed

___Make decisions about the deceased’s “digital footprint”

___ Online accounts: determine procedures concerning how to cancel (extend) online accounts; be aware each account will have their own procedures which tend to be involved and lengthy -proof of death and power of attorney/will executor documentation are common requirements.

Note: A good reference here is ; the site’s Planning Category of Resources

Guides, “Digital Estate” has a considerable amount of pertinent information

___Digital Devices: determine which devices are needed/not needed

___Re-evaluate cell phone plans, make changes if advisable

___Transfer ownership (home, autos, financial assets) to the legal beneficiaries whether through

legally binding joint tenant contracts or the probate procedures.

___With recognition of the legal authority of the executor of the will, make decisions concerning the disposition of such things as furniture, personal belongings, clothes etc. Options include splitting items

among family members, giving to charity, selling through an online platform or holding an estate sale.

___An estate sale may be appropriate if a large amount of furniture, etc. needs disposal.

___This is a good time for a spouse (or partner) of the deceased to start thinking about life changes that

that lie ahead. Experts agree that it is advisable for loved ones to take their time here and not make

any rushed decisions concerning major personal or financial matters such as purchases, giving money

away or changes in an investment portfolio.

___Consider getting financial and legal advice from professionals such as an estate attorney, CPA and fee-only certified financial planner. This is a good time for the spouse (or partner) of the deceased to review her/his own life insurance and financial needs – including updating the last will and testament.

PART THREE: PERSONAL & FINANCIAL RECORDS

With help from qualified advisors as required, you will need to decide which records to maintain, for how long and where you want them located. Following is a sample listing of records organized into nine major categories. There could be some records that apply to you that are missing from the list.

Some records are obviously more sensitive than others and you may not want them located in an unlocked filing cabinet with the main body of records. Perhaps better options would be a safe deposit box at your bank or in a locked closet, locked filing cabinet, fire resistant security box, safe or locked storage room in your home. WARNING: YOUR SELECTED LOVED ONES MUST BE PRE-AUTHORIZED TO GAIN ACCESS TO YOUR BANK SAFE DEPOSIT BOX. YOU DO NOT WANT TO FAIL TO DO THIS. It is a current trend to go “paperless” – records such as bank and credit card statements are commonly kept online rather in hard copy form in a file - when this is the case it should be so noted.

There are many options concerning how you might set up filing cabinet records. For example, you could color code tabs for the major categories. If you put each item in its own file folder you’re going to end up with a huge number of folders – you may want to group several related items in one folder. Suggestion: place an index (listing) of the records in front of the filing cabinet for reference.

AUTOS & HOUSEHOLD

Autos:

Auto, motorcycle and boat records - purchase, loan or lease documents, title, registration, repair records, extended warranty papers

Household:

Contracts (as available) for TV provider, landline/cell phone services, home cleaning, etc.

Appliance & home equipment records

Deeds, Titles & mortgage information – primary & second home

Personal Property – furniture, paintings, jewelry (include appraisals if warranted,) family treasures (include location & pictures/videos for a more complete record)

List of Personal Effects to be given to others

Real Estate Information – deeds, home improvement & repair records, construction contracts,

appraisal information, property tax records, home equity loan, leases

Warranties (home, appliances, computer, electronics, etc.) Also guarantees and manuals

BUSINESS

All pertinent business ownership and tax records

Employment contracts, buy-sell agreements, partnership agreements, insurance, etc.

FINAL PLANS

Legal Documents: Last Will & Testament Trust Agreements Living Will Five Wishes

Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Durable Power of Attorney for Property

Practitioner Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) Do-Not-Resuscitate (DNR)

Consent for Emergency Medical Treatment (Child) Personal Effects List & Recipients

Miscellaneous Documents, Final Plans:

Contract/information concerning any pre-planning arrangement with a funeral home

Cemetery Plot Deed & related papers, tombstone marker instructions

Memorial Service/Funeral & Burial Instructions

Notification Instructions – how to notify (e-mail, US mail, phone, Facebook, online

interactive memorial website, etc.) selected people and organizations of your death

Obituary – if it has been written ahead of time by you or others

Organ or Body Donor’s Certification – the donor’s symbol (red heart) will be on the

deceased’s driver’s license if this option has been chosen

Personal Expressions: Hospice Care Legacy Letter Memoir

FINANCES/INVESTMENTS/NET WORTH – several of these statements may be online, if that is the case, so note; also, you may want to note the location of any checking or money market check registers.

Note: It is important to account for all your financial assets. The National Association of Unclaimed

Property Administrators (NAUPA) has reported that it is not unusual to have over $41 billion

of unclaimed property in the U.S. at any given time. Your loved ones need to have a complete

picture of your assets.

Bank statements Loans & other liabilities

Bond Certificates Mutual Fund records

Brokerage statements Net Worth Form

CD Certificates Real Estate Investment Property Records

Credit Card statements Rent Receipts

Financial Planning records Stock Certificates/Title Documents

INSURANCE

Accidental Death Liability

Annuities Life – particularly important, large amounts usually involved

Auto Credit Card

Long Term Care Disability

Medicare Supplement Employer Provided

Mortgage Health & Medical & Dental Plan

Homeowners/Renters Travel

PERSONAL & FAMILY

Adoption Papers Marriage License

Birth Certificate Medical Insurance Card

Citizenship Papers Medical Records

Credit Cards Military Records Death Certificate Passports

Divorce Decree Resume

Driver’s License Safe Deposit Box, rental agreement and location of keys

Education Records Social Security Card

Legal Name Change Shot Records

RETIREMENT

Deferred Compensation Profit-sharing Plans

Individual Plans: IRAs, Retirement Plan Certificates

Keoghs, 401(k), 403(b) Royalties, ongoing

Pension Survivor Benefits

Prior Employer Benefits Roth IRA

SECURITY – DIGITAL DEVICES & ACCOUNTS

In PART ONE, SECTION THIRTEEN you listed your digital devices & accounts. Do you have a password manager software program? A decision is needed to how best to secure your user name, password and security question list. There is no one “right” answer and risk tolerance levels vary from person to person as decisions are made about what is best. Whether your home has a security (alarm) system and/or a room or storage area with a medal door and bolt lock) would be important considerations.

TAXES – Consult with your tax advisor on how long to keep local, state and federal tax returns

and related records and any other tax records (Gift Tax, real estate tax, etc.)

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