DEALING WITH INFIDELITY



centercenterPART 8 Table of ContentDEALING WITH INFIDELITYTo Stay or Not to Stay? That is The QuestionACTIVITY #1Write down 10 things that describe how infidelity has made you feel or how it has changed your life.ACTIVITY #2Write down 10 things he or she can do to rebuild trust in the relationship.ACTIVITY #3If the problem is not resolved in a timely manner, what are 5 things you will be willing do to remove yourself from this potentially toxic relationship? THE FACE OF THE INFIDELITY DEMONACTIVITY & EXPERIMENT #4 Getting Through Trust Issues[Create a Daily Routine Experiment for One Month]DISCUSSION TIMETwo Talked About Causes Concerning infidelity?A Forced Relationship Due to an Unplanned Pregnancy?Settling Down with a Man Who Has a ChildCauses of InfidelityPART 8DEALING WITH INFIDELITYTo Stay or Not to Stay? That is The QuestionInfidelity is one of the worse things that could happen in a relationship. It is the most heinous act of betrayal in a relationship. And nine times out of ten it’s the number one cause of couple’s breakups. If you dwell in a relationship filled with infidelity it will ultimately cause you to eventually go your separate ways. There are so many excuses as to why people cheat…You don’t give me what I needIt just happenedYou broke up with me (and yet that person is still there)I was drunkHe forced meHere are some real life reasons…Has whorish tendenciesLikes to impress friends and relativesNo sexual disciplineSexual demonsIt’s an adrenaline rush to cheatThis is what infidelity does…Causes problems in your relationshipMakes your partner not trust you (NEVER AGAIN). Even if he/she tries they can never forget. They can forgive but they’ll never forget, remember that. It’s a death sentence to the relationship. The death of trust.Your partner will not enjoy having sex with you.Your partner will think about you and someone else having sex when you try to be intimate with them, which is a turn off.They will always question your loyalty.Infidelity verifies that you’re a liar and cheater, and that you can never be trusted.Give others especially the person you cheated with a pass to mentally and sometimes physically taunt your partner through physical fights, snide remarks, nasty hurtful e-mails and social media inboxes, come to his/her house or job, stalk him or her, and make hurtful embarrassing social media posts. Cause embarrassment for your partner.Make your partner secretly hate you.Catching STD’s or STI’s adds your names to national statistical data banks for people with various types of STD’s or STI’s. Don’t be a statistic.Result in unwanted pregnancies.Stalkers stalking you and or your partner Threat of catching HIV or AidsBroken HeartsManipulationCauses broken homes and marriagesCauses paranoia or a gut wrenching feeling when he/she hears your phone ring or you get a notification.Uneasiness or a sick feeling when you’re not around or have missed time that can’t be accounted for Revenge (two wrongs don’t make it right)Sleepless nights for the innocent personCausing constant or sporadic arguing and bickering.Sleepless daysLoss of concentration at work or schoolDepression and stressAll this for the sake of sex or to impress someone you really don’t want to be with long term? It’s so not worth it. In the real world there are punishments for crimes committed handed down through the judicial system, and through the judicial system the punishment must fit the crime. The same goes for acts of sin committed by man/woman, there MUST be a punishment handed down. You can pretend that your punishments are blessing and watch your iniquities increase, and instead of the judge handing down your punishments, God will be the judge, and your punishment will be in the form of disease, poverty, karma, children born out of wedlock, child support, bad credit, heart ache or a woman or man attached to you that you can’t get rid of. Never think you can commit a crime of such caliber and get away with it. And for every time you get punished the worse the punishments will get, until you’re broken down to nothing…It’s hard to bounce back from infidelity. With all the things listed above, I don’t see how the person who was cheated on can sleep. If you are a cheater, try putting yourself in that person’s shoes. For instance: Your partner is out having the time or his/her life and enjoying the sexual acts of another person and that person is carrying a disease, has HIV or AIDS. Your partner comes home and sleeps with you and now you’ve contracted a disease or virus that you didn’t take pleasure in getting, but yet you have to suffer the consequences of your partner’s infidelities and now you’re dying a slow death from someone else’s pleasures. Do you think that’s fair? Condoms do break and they do come off so you’re basically playing Russian Roulette with your mate’s life as well as your own. When someone commits infidelity you have to worry about whether he/or she is going to gamble with your life or give you something you can’t get rid of.ITS NOT WORTH IT! Enjoy your partner and all the perks that comes with being a virtuous woman or one in a million man. Do big things. Anyone can have sex, and anyone can make a baby. It’s time to do the unthinkable, the unachievable, do what they say can’t be done. Allow you and your partner to stand out in crowds. Leave your mark on the world in a positive way. Don’t become part of the statistics in someone’s data base for STD’s, broken marriages, children born to single parents, people living below poverty, or people who owe the government for child support. Cherish your relationship and start building a legacy. Teach those who try to negatively influence you. Or avoid them all together.Don’t fall for anything, be a real man or woman and stand for something. It’s easy to make someone not trust you, but it takes years, even decades to regain that person’s trust. And after the list of problems infidelity causes you deserve to put in work to regain your partner’s trust back. RELATIONSHIPS ARE BASED ON TRUST. ALL RELATIONSHIPS START WITH 100% TRUST…IT’S UP TO YOU AND YOUR MATE TO KEEP THAT TRUST LEVEL FULL!Beginning of the relationship there’s 100% TRUSTTrust that is starting to deteriorate Full blow distrustBreakupAs time goes on trust starts to deteriorate due to lies, cheating, betrayals and deceit. To rebuilding it it’s going to need new building materials = (mature and loyal way of doing things). To build a new foundation be ready to put in work if you want your relationship to be strong enough to whether the storms that are headed its way. If not, let your mate know your intentions so he or she can choose to move on to someone better or worthy of their love and commitment. HYPERLINK \l "activity9" ACTIVITY #1If you’ve been cheated on by your current partner or suspect he/she has cheated, write down 10 things that describe how infidelity has made you feel or how it has changed your life.1. Click or tap here to enter text.2. Click or tap here to enter text.3. Click or tap here to enter text.4. Click or tap here to enter text.5. Click or tap here to enter text.6. Click or tap here to enter text.7. Click or tap here to enter text.8. Click or tap here to enter text.9. Click or tap here to enter text.10. Click or tap here to enter text.ACTIVITY #2Write down 10 things he or she can do to rebuild trust in the relationship.1. Click or tap here to enter text.2. Click or tap here to enter text.3. Click or tap here to enter text.4. Click or tap here to enter text.5. Click or tap here to enter text.6. Click or tap here to enter text.7. Click or tap here to enter text.8. Click or tap here to enter text.9. Click or tap here to enter text.10. Click or tap here to enter text.ACTIVITY #3If the problem is not resolved in a timely manner, what are 5 things you will be willing do to remove yourself from this potentially toxic relationship? 1.2.3.4.5. If you are the cheater, and you truly love your partner will you be willing to go the extra mile to make your partner happy? Regain his/her trust even if it means:changing your cell phone numberleaving you phone unlocked and allow him/her to share your phone with you when you’re togetherStop hanging out in places where singles of the opposite sex hang out when your partner isn’t presentStop hanging with others who are single or have no respect for their own relationshipBe in the house during reasonable hours like a normal man/woman who has morals and respect Never spend the night away from home unless you’re on vacation with your partner or approved by your partner.Don’t block incoming calls when you’re in the presence of your significant other. Nothing should be private amongst two people who will be spending the rest of their lives together. That’s a long time to try to hide secrets.Let others know you have a significant other and you like for him/her to not call your number anymore Don’t hang out with ex(es) EVERCall your significant other when you’re away from homePromise to change your waysSTEP UP AND ACT LIKE THE MAN(GOD) OR WOMAN (GODDESS) THE LORD (GOD of GODS) INTENDED YOU TO BEPLEASE TAKE NOTE: Count the number of problems infidelity causes, then count the number of things you can do to resolve the issue…the numbers still don’t add up. And don’t say it’s too much or I’m not doing that. She/he didn’t have any say so on how your infidelity had an impact on him or her emotionally, physically, socially, or psychologically. This person went through all that torment so that you could have pleasure with someone else sexually. A 10 second orgasm…Really?If you love your partner or have an ounce of dignity in your body, you would do whatever it takes to make up for your selfish demonic acts.If not be honest about it so that he or she can decide whether or not if they should move on. THE FACE OF THE INFIDELITY DEMONDo not look it in its eyes, it will pretend to be innocent or not to know what it is doing but it is well aware of its motives. Their kinds are lustful demons in human form. They pretend to love, but they have none. It wants nothing in life… nor will it help you to prosper and grow. It has no respect, it is full of trickery and lies. It will spread disease, procreate and create abominational things. It will take your freedom because it is not responsible or protective of its own flesh. It will covet your finances and dignity. Beware of them. Stand together as a tree firmly rooted in the foundation of the earth. Let no storm, flood or hurricane in the form of man nor woman tear down what you are building. Use this time of union to plan. Save and build empires that will stand the test of time. Make this union a time of growth and prosperity. Protect what is yours at all times. Let no one disrespect you and yours. Never give another man or woman WEAPONS OF LEVERAGE to fight your mate! Weapons of Leverage (something that you have done with the opposite sex that would be considered betrayal if your mate ever found out. Hurtful information. Information used to embarrass, hurt, or taunt your partner.) Weapons of Leverage Include: FlirtingkissingSexPregnancy VisitsPrivate TimeExchange of MoneyPhone ConversationsText MessagesDatesRidesE-mailsSocial Media Inboxes MessagesHotel Visits VacationsPublic OutingsGetting Through Trust IssuesACTIVITY & Experiment #4[Create a Daily Routine Experiment for One Month] If the experiment helps to cut down on arguments and the unknown that causes issues in the relationship, continue it as your everyday routine until you’re able to trust one another 100%.The main reason why trust is a difficult task is because its etched in our psyche to trust no man. It’s even written in the Holy Bible. Trust is something that has to be developed and earned once it has been destroyed whether in a relationship or business.If people would keep in mind the notion of karma and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you there would be no need for trust. But with so much selfishness, hatred, temptations, deceit, free sex and fornication going on it’s hard to find someone who will be that diamond in the rough that will be deserving of your trust. People who have moral values believe that if someone would break the ten commandments and go up against God and his words on a regular basis, lacks discipline and respect for a higher power, their self and others. If they don’t fear such an entity as God, the one who holds the fate of their soul in his hand, all for the sake of petty sex, lies, or thievery his or she is not worth your time. You would face a daunting task if they attempt to try to trust them.With so many things going on including STD’s a person would be a fool not to watch their own back. So when your partner is asking a thousand questions, it’s not because they want to nag you, they just need true answers as to what they’re dealing with. And for a liar, cheater or thief, lies come easy, and the million and one questions is used to catch the cheating partner slipping. That’s how they determine whether they can trust the cheating partner, which is the same reason a guilty man or woman gets angry when you ask them a thousand and one questions. They don’t want to get caught in their tangle of lies or lack thereof. It’s not like the cheater is going to come out and tell you he or she is cheating or has cheated. Nine times out of ten if he/she is a cheater he or she is a liar. Faithful people don’t like to be lied to, or strung along, they want the truth so they can figure out what’s best for them. It’s only fair.Include these steps in your 30-day routine.1. All cell phones unlocked, visible, fully charged with the ringer on at all times. Answer all calls no matter what. Don’t ever hide out to make or return calls. Unblock all calls on your block call list that your partner is not aware of. It’s time to get all the foolery out into the open so you can start over fresh. If you get a call from someone you’ve had dealings with address the issue right away. Be nice and mature about it. Explain to that person that you’ve finally found that special person that completes you and you want to respect the relationship, and you expect the same from your new love. If that person congratulates you, thank them and hang up. If that person starts to show or display hostility let them know that you have something to tend to, tell them good bye nicely and block their number. Also delete them from your call log. They no longer exist. If you refuse to erase that person from your life you will never have peace in your relationship.2. Spend time with others as one. Let your mate experience what you do when you’re not around. Let him or her get to know your outside environment. Introduce him or her to your friends. Start the relationship and friends bonding method. If your friends have significant others introduce them to your mate and let that be a bonding method for the relationship. Keep your mate in the loop. There’s nothing like feeling left out.3. Be considerate, answer your phone for your mate at all times. Skype, video chat or face time if possible when you’re away from each other.4. Show your mate your emotions. Let him or her know how you felt or feel as to why trusting him or her is so difficult. Be sincere, express to your mate how much he or she means to you and why. Don’t hold back your emotions. Afterwards embrace one another.5. Set aside time to meditate together at least 3 times a week. Start studying your chakras your pineal gland.6. Study the Law of Attraction and know that what every you do the are rewards or consequences behind it.Use the section below to map out your Daily Routine Exercise. Don’t forget to incorporate the tasks above into your routine.Wake up, grooming, cooking, cleaning, school, work, children, lunch times, dinner times, times to be at home, activities etc.Click or tap here to enter text.Discussion TimeTwo Most Talked About Causes Concerning infidelityA Forced Relationship Due to an Unplanned PregnancySettling Down with a Man Who Has a ChildForcing Someone to be in a Relationship Due to an Unplanned Pregnancy328132603500As we all know, long term relationships take honesty, trust, commitment, compromising, sacrifice, and effort to work. This next example is one that I get the most questions about; it’s also one that needs to be addressed in its entirety. It is a situation that I’ve experienced more than once and the effects of this kind of relationship was the most difficult one I’ve ever experienced. Today there will be no sugar coating, and definitely no butt kissing of any kind. We’re going to discuss and address the baby daddy and the baby momma drama, and why more than half of us settle into these types of relationships knowing we’re going to be miserable throughout the entire rollercoaster ride. I just don’t understand for the life of me why most women go through the heart ache and pain of dealing with a relationship of this caliber knowing it’s not going to last. Today as a minister and using my religious expertise, we’re going to face this issue head on so we can move past it. One thing we can agree on when it comes to this topic is, it’s one chaotic and gut wrenching situation on all parts; the mother, the father, the child, and the community. Let’s get one thing straight; the title baby momma and baby daddy is like a curse, and honestly, no one wants to own it. It’s not cute and is highly un-favored by the masses. When you hear the word “baby momma” and “baby daddy” people automatically think; drama, dead beat, irresponsible, single parent, unmarried, trapped, child born out of wedlock, welfare, public housing, food stamps, child support etc.; and out of all these things you never hear the words, married, virtuous, holy union, happy, discipline, faithful, loyalty, husband, wife, abstinence, nurturing etc. No one wants to be any body’s baby momma or baby daddy; they want families, not broken homes, which in turn causes broken families due to lack of abstinence, self-respect, discipline and responsibility. And with the marriage rate so low, I’m surprised any one is having children. It’s just not adding up. Men are not proposing, getting married and settling down the way they should now days because they feel they don’t have to. Why? Because sex is easy to acquire. Women are giving up their bodies way too easy, displaying lack of discipline and self-control which attracts the wrong type of men; sex hounds. A good man looking to settle down doesn’t want a woman that gives it up too easy. And a good woman doesn’t want a sex hound, but yet we get impatient end up settling for that sex hound thinking we can make him fall in love by using sex. Good men looking for a virtuous woman enjoys the thrill of the chase. They always want what they can’t have. And they know that if they can have a woman with ease, she’s considered easy; and anyone else who wants to have her can if he’s persistent and conniving enough. A man looking for sex may say he has a type that he prefers, but don’t get it twisted, there could be a hundred women around the way and in the clubs that fit that description. To these type of men, women are just numbers; next weak he’ll choose someone else and so on, and in return he’ll give you a few hours of his time every now and then to satisfy you for the moment; unless he’s looking for somewhere to shack up and has access to free amenities. When a man meets someone he’s knows is a virtuous woman he will treat he like a queen because she has something he wants, and she’s not throwing it at him. Some women wonder why men treat some women better than they do others. Well it’s because she gives him hope, she feeds him knowledge and opportunity instead sex. He sees her as a way out and into a better more prosperous future. And although she shows interest in him, she is not going to compromise her body or pride for the sake of a 10 second orgasm in exchange for 18+ years of bitterness, heartaches, drama, disrespect and treat of STD’s dealing with a man who is back and forth. 285752921000A virtuous woman has goals and ambitions; she is responsible and discipline; she is not going to let anything stand in her way and he knows this. He’ll chase her for years and cater to her every need if he has to. He will put in work to impress her, and the last thing a man wants, is to lose her to another man, especially one he doesn’t feel deserves her. He will compare all his female friends or potential partners to her, and even hold her standards to theirs to see if they’re worth his time. As for a woman who gets pregnant and expects the man to be by your side 100% and love her the way a married man would love his wife…big mistake. The truth is, inside he’s scared and confused. He knows he can’t afford or care for a child and neither can she. She is scared as well, but he knows she has options because it’s her body. He can only make suggestions, but he can’t tell her what to do, nor can he force her to terminate the pregnancy IF she doesn’t want to. Here’s where things go wrong; most of these women think that keeping the baby will drive the man right into her arms; which is so far from the truth. She will use the excuse; I’m not killing my child to justify her morals, but where were the morals when she offered her body to a man who had no obligations to her, nor was her husband? If a person is going to be virtuous be virtuous at all times, not when they THINK it’s convenient.Now they’re both contemplating; she sees a new family and is not thinking clear or rationally. He has become her target and thinks because she is carrying their child he will eventually love her for producing his seed; or after the baby is born he will see it and change his mind. She is now 99.9% delusional.As for the man, he now sees her as a burden that is carrying his child. He wants nothing to do with her and is hoping and praying this is just a bad dream, a joke, a scheme or she’s lying; unless he’s the one trying to trap her. If not, he’s secretly feels trapped and vulnerable. Now he has someone he didn’t want a long term relationship with breathing down his neck and putting pressure on him for a relationship, when all he really wanted was sex; and now for this so called problem to go away. If he’s young, he sees his future going down the drain before it even gets started. Secretly he will never have respect for her, but he will pretend he does for the sake of his child. The truth is he sees her as the enemy and someone who has ruined his life and his child’s future. Some may say, “I didn’t get pregnant on my own.” That may be true, but it doesn’t take rocket science to know that if you allow someone to violate your body there will be consequences. A woman is reminded of the treat every month when her cycle comes around. The man doesn’t think about or is reminded of child baring, it’s the furthest from his mind. All he knows is he wants sex and will get it from anyone willing to give it up. Child baring is not a topic men think about because for one, he doesn’t have to take birth control; he doesn’t have a monthly menstrual cycle to remind him; he doesn’t have an annual pap smear; he doesn’t have to see a gynecologist and he doesn’t have a choice as to what birth control the woman chooses to use including condoms because some women are allergic to latex. He knows nothing except she is allowing him to have unprotected sex with her.Let’s get something straight; men are not females. They do not have female internal organs. They barely understand their own body nevertheless a woman’s complicated body. A woman knows more about her own body than anyone else and can’t expect others to have her best interest at heart. If you know you’re the type of person that can’t go without sex, protect your body, it’s yours, and anything that happens to it, it’s because you allowed it, unless you were raped.As a woman, you are in charge of the type of birth control you want to use, making sure you’re consistent with it, and who your OBGYN doctor is. This is not a man’s territory, he doesn’t understand it and nine times out of ten he doesn’t want to. As women we have to protect them from the unknown. Most women want to get married, wear a white wedding dress and walk down the aisle to her knight in shining armor, but chances of that happening with the way society is today is slim to none. Think about it like this; if 100% of WOMEN decided to take control of their bodies and stayed disciplined and told these sex hound men “Enough is enough!” “I’m not having sex with you unless you’re my husband.” Every man who knows he enjoys the pleasures and the sheer essence of a woman would actually put in the time and effort to find the right woman to settle down with. And after finding her; guess what he would do to get the sex? Marry her! No man wants to go without sex unless he’s celibate or has better things to do with his life; and at the rate women are giving up sex these days, men feel that they don’t need to marry a woman to get sex…its free and very abundant! That’s also one reason women can’t trust the male species. If women would protect their bodies and say “No” to these men who only want to have sex, there would be a tremendous decrease in unplanned or unwanted pregnancies, children born out of wedlock, a tremendous drop in child support and government assisted programs. Men and women would learn to respect one another. Wholesome families would start to rebuild again, and a lot of the chaos between man and women would end. Women actually rule the world and don’t even know it. They have the power to control the population of the world. They 5334003810000are the backbones of the family. In today’s society we as women need to step up and take our place as strong mother figures and role models for ourselves, families, children and for our youths, whether a man is by our side or not. We were born into this world via our nurturing mothers, and spiritually we entered into this realm alone with the holy spirit to guide us. And as bad as we hate it, we will exit this realm the same way, and a man will not be there to exit with you.Remember this; there are five things that can come from having repeated sex with someone you’re not committed to; one, a broken heart because you start catching feelings; two, a child born out of wedlock; three, STD/STI’s or HIV; four, the sins of fornication, lust and adultery; and five a soul tie to someone you don’t want to be with who hounds you every chance they get for a relationship.You’re both worth more than sex. Choose to be virtuous. Make him or her wait until it’s the right time. Learn to love yourself. Choose to plan and create a family as a whole and stop blindly creating broken homes, then wonder why things go wrong. Fellas remember the word Vagabond. The Bible speaks of a Vagabond. Settle down with one woman. Don’t indulge because the sex is free. Do what is right in Gods eyes. Ladies don’t attempt to settle for a relationship because you got pregnant by a man who really didn’t love or respect you enough to marry you. This is a dangerous game to play. And as bad as I want to say hang in there for the sake of the child; that would be as wrong as wrong can be. This is only going to lead to confusion, hatred, fighting, arguments, jail time, violence, more children, possible murder and things being said that both party’s is going to regret. And worse, after all that, you’re still not going to be as one in the end. Do what you’re supposed to as parents and protect the child from both of your foolish and sinful acts of lust, sex and fornication. Teach him or her to love and value their body. Teach them the hurtful consequences of premarital sex. 0-343027000If the two of you not ready for the consequences of sex through; liens, licenses revoked, child support, being tied to a man or woman you don’t love, financial pitfalls, damaged future, unwanted responsibilities, bad credit, pressure, no privacy, your social security number given to a person you barely know, the threat of STD’s, bottled up hatred, unwanted commitments and drama, added to someone’s list of statistics, and more children born out of wedlock, please protect yourself and stop passing the blame to others; step up to the plate confess your sins and make a change for the better. Ladies, become that beautiful virtuous women God intended for you to be. Demand respect from a man before you offer your body, and make sure when you do, he’s that special one.Causes of InfidelityNo one is perfect but when you indulge in premarital sex you open the doors to infidelity. One, because he’s not really your man or woman. My advice is to keep company with those who are the marrying type. You’ll know them by the way they carry their self. They’re really no the partying or go out type. (only on occasions if ever) They’d rather be at home enjoying the privacy of his or her own rewards or amenities. He or she works and has money saved up. You rarely see him or her with the opposite sex. You never hear him or her talk about sex. They seem to be more of the business type and has goals and ambitions. They are clean cut. They articulate well and is disciplined & mannerable. Their demeanor is sincere. They are God fearing and treat the opposite sex with respect. They are not selfish.They would rather help you in your time of need than look for handouts.He puts women and children before his self. He or she shows compassion and concern for important matters. He speaks highly of having a family one day.He comes from a family with good ethic and morals. Get to know a person before you take the plunge into marriage. Not knowing the person you’re marrying will also cause infidelity. Pressuring someone into marriage will definitely cause infidelity. If your partner is a repeat offender of infidelity there’s only one thing you can do to be happy. LEAVE! It’s that simple. No one want to wake up and go to sleep stressing over the unknown. No one wants to wake up and know their day is going to end up in an argument do to trust issues. Once the trust is gone so is the relationship and the only one who is feeling the wrath is you. I know, I know, it’s going to hurt, but you got to start the healing process. Let it burn until the flame has burned out. Allow yourself to be in a relationship with yourself and God. Give your body and mind a break from worrying about what the next person is doing. The Bible said the serpent was more subtle than any other when he sweet talked Eve into doing what he wanted her to do. Meaning (Operating in a hidden, usually injurious way; insidious). We allow men and sometimes women to sweet talk us into taking them back and they will lie as sure as the sun shines on a sunny day. TELL YOURSELF when you walk away; this is not the first or the last time I wall breakup with someone. You’re going to go through a few bad seeds before you find that one worth sowing. If you bite into a rotten apple and it disgust you and makes you sick you’re not going to continue eating it, are you? Why treat your soul any different? If you get involved with someone who makes you feel bad, stresses you, causes humiliation, embarrassment and shame, why would you continue to indulge in his or her company?You say you love him? But guess what? Someone who loves you back will not allow you to feel pain. They will do everything in their power to make you feel safe and secure. They’re intentions are genuine. You’re hurting now… and on top of that you’re getting hurt over and over again. It doesn’t take rocket science to know when someone doesn’t love you or care about your feelings. Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s doormat until they feel they’re done with you. Show him or her your self-worth. YOU walk away and don’t look back. Start over fresh and enjoy life without the humiliation, without the stress and drama. Don’t look older than you are because you allowed someone to tear down your self-esteem. Let Becky have him and his problems. He did it to you and he’s going to do it to her. Let her be the laughing stock of social media and the topics of family and friend’s conversations. Let him and her get the karma they deserve. Let them be miserable for a change while you sit back and observe the foolery from afar. One thing about being single is you get more accomplished than you do being with someone who is going nowhere in life. You will never disappoint yourself. Plus, it feels sooo good laying down at night with a smile on your face knowing you don’t have to worry about being cheated on and that your knight in shining amour is out there somewhere; you finally have something to look forward to. Until then prepare yourself for that person. Do what you need to do to improve on you. No one wants damaged goods. Work on your confidence and self-esteem. Reinvent yourself! That’s one infidelity burden lifted off your chest. You can smile now because you know he’s out there somewhere doing to someone else what he’s done to you. Relationships come and go. That’s how you weed out the good from the bad. When you see that someone is not good for you don’t worry that’s the way life is. You have to find out the true nature of someone it’s just sad as women or good men we wear or hearts on our sleeve and want everyone to be perfect in our eyes and that’s not always going to be the case. People carry demons that you are not equipped to cast out; that’s not your duty. Move on before you end up sharing those demons if you’re not already sharing them. If you’re miserable, you’re already sharing them.Yeah I know it hurts; but the hurt comes from your soul healing itself. Allow it to heal. Cry. Crying removes the toxic waste from your soul. If you’re married to a repeat infidelity offender the same rules apply. We got to stop allowing people to lie and connive their way back into our lives. Once they’re gone let them stay gone no matter what they say or do because chances are it’s something you have that they want, and believe me it not your love, and if they’re cheating it’s not your sex either. Maybe you:Cook good food (charge him/her for meals)Provide free room and board without knowing it (STOP THAT!)Good at Oral (cut that crap short before you end up with a virus in your mouth from that cheating demon)Allow usage of amenities (cell phone, food, cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol, use of car, use of your home when your away, video game system, pays his or her bills, runs your home as a trap house, goes on trips with you, you give him or her an allowance or money when they ask, access to the internet or Wi-Fi, you entertain often or have people over)You’re very attractive (wants to have his/her cake and eat it too)He or she is interested in your friend(s)Not making him pay child support so he sticks around but has other women on the side. He really doesn’t want to be exclusive with you but as long as you don’t make him pay child support he’ll give you some or majority of his time. You know that’s not going to last long, right? And for as long as it does you’re going to be miserable.How can you find out if you’re being used? Take away everything you do and offer for free, then see what happens. Be careful because this can be extremely dangerous…If he or she is using you, you better believe their letting it be known to others especially if cheating is involved. This is what’s going to happen when you finally see that you’re being used and cut that foolery short: Constant or sporadic arguingHis or her true hatred towards you will finally start to rear its ugly head.He or she will finally tell you how they really feel about you.He or she will have a major attitude about the use of the things that belong to you.Say you’ve changed or that you think you’re better than others.Try to make you feel bad like you owe them something.Stop coming around as often.Settling Down with A Man Who Has Children Outside the New RelationshipHere goes another example of people settling in a chaotic or unpromising relationship where they end up hurt in the long run because problems are not solved. Below you will find examples of things that can or will go wrong when dealing with a man who has a child or children outside his current relationship. It’s one thing for a woman with children to seek a new relationship because her children live with her, but dealing with a man who has children is a bit different because it’s very unlikely that his child is living with him, which means he has to leave the comfort of his home and relationship to be in the presence of his child’s mother; in her home alone and in private, which is what probably landed them with a child to begin with. Most immature mothers like to THINK they have the upper hand on any new woman her child’s father dates just because she has a child by him; and that’s where all the drama and foolishness starts, and continues to spread like a never ending virus. Huh…Let’s take a deep breath. Sit back because this is going to be a long bumpy ride…Dealing with a man that has a child by a woman who is not virtuous is difficult. And I’m sure you’ve witnessed a few mothers or baby mommas at their worst; constant phone calls, busted windows, slashed tires, social media embarrassments, public scenes, lies, threats, bleached wardrobe, frequent popup visits etc. There are some mothers that are sweet, virtuous and intellectual that accept that the relationship is over and only want the best for her child. So she understands and accepts that eventually meeting potentially new candidates that may be around her child is a must, especially if the new woman is dealing with the father. She may not like it, but it’s reality and she thinks rationally. As the new woman, you’ve decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and give the iffy relationship a try. The child is not the issue, but the father has to deal with the mother. Don’t get me wrong tis is obviously someone that he had no interest in marrying nor having a long term relationship with; so you trust that he’ll do right by you.Then out of the blue you’re bombarded with harassing e-mails, Facebook drama and phone calls of accusations made by this woman stating that she’s still having relations with her child’s father. The first thing that runs through your mind is, “How the heck did this stalker get my information?” And, is what she’s saying true? Instead of heading for the hills you decide to stick around. -2857519621500For him, he says it’s over and that she’s lying, but for her it’s far from over, at least in her mind. Now you’re caught in the mix with a woman who does nothing but sit around on a daily basis thinking about you, your new Boo, and ways to ruin your relationship in order to be with him.And now because of the accusations she’s made, he thinks you’re supposed to ignore her accusations and deal with the fact that he’s having private time alone with this person when he’s visiting with his child, and you’re supposed to feel comfortable with that. You can’t be serious…As a man, you would be just as uncomfortable if the shoe was on the other foot and your mate was spending time alone with a man she was once intimate with and conceived a child. If you say you wouldn’t be uncomfortable you’re either lying, don’t care, or you know you’ve got a virtuous woman and she has given you no reason not to trust her.When or before it gets to this point he needs to make it perfectly clear to her that there is no going back, and stick to his word. If he goes back just once and have sex with her; he has just made her THINK he wants to be with her even though that’s not the case, in reality all he wants is sex because he knows he’s going to get it. These type of men prey on women who have low self-esteem, he’ll tell her anything and she’ll believe it because she’s delusional and wants it to be true.For the new mate, she wants to be supportive, but with so many open sexual invitations and opportunities, she feels he’s bound to give in and cheat eventually. Trust has nothing to do with it. If he doesn’t fix the problem, it’s just a matter of time; which is an uneasy and uncomfortable feeling as well as dangerous, in so many ways.Here’s where it gets truly unsettling; In a lot of cases if a woman is rejected by the father, she will not be nurturing for the sake of the child the same way a woman whose husband leaves to serve in the military for years at a time, serve jail time, or has died would be. Nor will she be nurturing to her child the same way a virtuous woman/mother who has learned and recognizes her mistakes of lustful sins would be. A virtuous woman unselfishly wants the best for her child whether the father is present or not. But a non-virtuous mother will damage her child mentally and emotionally with adult matters. She will scheme, manipulate, cause problems and lie when the father severs ties with her. She will punish the father and the child by trying to keep them apart just because he doesn’t want a relationship with her. As the new partner in the relationship these are some of the things you will have to witness; and sometimes even be blamed for. You know what’s crazy? Sometimes it’s not the child’s mother fault…she just wants and needs closure that the father’s not giving her. Any open advances or allowance of misconduct by her that is accepted by the father allows her to be misled. He is giving her the assumption that there is a chance for them to make amends somewhere down the line and you’re just a pun for the time being. He is not making it verbally and psychologically clear to her that it is 100% over and that she needs to move on. When a man dictating to the mother of his child that he doesn’t want other men around his child make her think she should be single because eventually they’re going to be a family. (THINK ABOUT IT) If she can’t be with someone else because she has a child with him, how can she move on? (that’s giving her the unspoken signal to stay single until he’s ready to be a family). This is why she holds grudges with new women and causes all kinds of chaos within the relationship. He is subliminally making her think he still wants her. The same goes if he still has sex with her or spends nights at her house. But, if she’s delusional and scorned because she has been rejected indefinitely, she will speak lies about him and his new mate to the child, and around others with the child present. Mothers…if the father is not there because YOU want him to be; Good! Out of sight, out of mind. A child is not concerned about adult dramas unless you involve him/her. So don’t pretend you’re spiteful for your child’s sake. The truth is, children are intelligent and would rather be hanging out with their friends or other children doing what children do, rather than sitting at the phone with his or her mother playing manipulative games by calling the father looking for attention and an open opportunity to plead HER case. And when the father doesn’t bate she makes the child feel some type of way. She refuses to move on and it affects the child. For her it’s all about revenge as a punishment for him not wanting to be with her. You can’t force a man to be where he doesn’t want to be. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with his child. A lot of these women play dangerous manipulative mind games with their child(ren); and the child ends up mentally affected by these actions in the long run…and who will the unsuspecting child point his finger at? The father; because that’s what the mother is teaching him or her. The mother knows a man does not need or have to be in love with her to love his child. But she doesn’t care, she’ll instill lies and hatred in the child’s mind. That is until the child grows up and can see things for what it really is.Men eventually stop running in and out of the mother’s life when he sees the relationship is not working and the situation is not healthy for the child. But some mothers in turn will manipulatively make the child feel like the father is running out on him instead of HER. Reality is he was never there to begin with; he never took her as his wife and is not obligated to her, but he does have obligations to his child. He wants to show love and care for his child without the mother getting the wrong impression that he wants to be with her. What concerns me as a minister is; if a man does not want to be with you, why would you want him to be your significant other? It sounds absurd and mentally twisted. I couldn’t imagine waking up next to someone who despises and secretly hates me, just to fill an abominational void in my life. That’s asking for trouble in the worse way and for the child to be affected in the long or short run.I don’t know about you but dealing with a relationship that is chaotic is enough to make God himself cringe. As a matter of fact, God considers fornication and conceiving children out of wedlock a sin. The conception was not done out of love, it was done out of lust, and the child will more than likely carry on that sin from generation to generation because it’s the lifestyle that he/she sees through its parents.NOTE: This is one reason why the act of lust and conceiving out of wedlock is a sin and causes so much hatred between the man, women and God. Men; when dealing with a new relationship and your child’s mother is becoming too much to bear and accusations is hindering the relationship, as a man you need to set forth consistent guidelines and structure for dealing with her in a rational respectable manner. And most importantly the mother needs to respect the guidelines you set. The love between you and your child will prosper and grow if you step up and be the stern and discipline man you’re supposed to be. Don’t play selfish games by putting these two women in an unfortunate situation. If the mother can’t get it through her head that it’s over and is playing mind games with your child, you need to involve the courts to get the well-deserved time you need alone with your child without pressure or advances from the mother. Although I don’t suggest involving the courts sometimes it’s the only way to regain structure in your life. After you’ve come up with a plan for a reasonable schedule for pickups, locations and visitation talk it over with the mother and other parties involved for approval. Once approved keep that schedule and if changes should occur notify one another as soon as possible. Set up some kind of open form of communication and times of communication so no one is disrespected and no accusations can’t be made. If this doesn’t work, then seek out family court for assistance. Ladies you have to be strong for yourself and your children. Realize you’ve made a mistake with your body and learn from it. Don’t dwell in your pity and sorrows. If you confess your sins and become virtuous in your ways you will see that there is a good man waiting for you; not just someone who got you pregnant, but someone who loves you and wants to be with you. Do your body right this time around; start over fresh for you and your child. In order to gain structure and raise your child in a healthy environment where there is peace, the father and the mother needs to seek alternative methods for the father to spend time with his child. Having a schedule and a pick up and drop off point like the father’s mothers house or a public place where both parents’ interactions can be witnessed by others is a perfect resolution to the accusations being made; because if the accusations told to the new partner is false, it needs to be corrected. I don’t know anyone who likes being falsely accused. As for settling, if he refuses to make peace within his new found relationship, it means he’s not serious about it. Trust and believe, if the shoe was on the other foot, he would not stick around for the disrespect, humiliation, embarrassment or the foolery from another man. He’d be gone in the blink of an eye. When he doesn’t step up and do what he needs to for his own sanity and the sake of his child, it’s time to call it quits. IN THIS CASE NEVER SETTLE! Because you’ll soon hear those teeth gritting words after he’s strung you along long enough, “You knew I had a kid when we hooked up.” The fact of the matter is he knew he had a kid as well, and should have been man enough to fill you in on the foolishness surrounding his past relationship and the drama attached to it.Here’s another Bible story reminder. Please read the story of Abraham, his wife Sarah, and Hagar. Read the end results to that relationship trio. This was a story that shows just what happens when things are done in a sinful manner, and what happens when you settle for dealing with families that have children born out of wedlock and the steps that had to be taken in order for Abraham and Sarah to get their lives back on track. Today people want to look the other way on what is right and embrace the things that are wrong because sin is so abundant; they think it’s the norm. People feel it’s easier and safer to look the other way than be honest about this matter because 9 times out of 10 they are in the same predicament or know someone who is. This is one reason there is so much chaos in the world. No one is willing to break the cycle and tell people what they need to hear. They smile in each other’s faces and tell each other lies and what they want to hear. If you’re considering entering into a relationship that is already chaotic, I suggest you hold off and explain to your potential mate that he needs to resolve his issues and get his priorities in order before trying to settle down with you or anyone else. Express to him what you will and will not tolerate; and if he has problems with your needs; just be happy that’s one bullet you just dodged. You won’t regret it; you’ll be happy you did.In your 10 Part Couple’s Unity Workshop Pkg you will find your personal Trust Level & Loyalty Tabulator use it at your own discretion it will definitely come in handy especially if you’re having problems and don’t know when it’s time to call it quits or re-evaluate the relationship.6762755461000Let’s move on to Part 9 ................
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