HELP’s Highlights

[Pages:4]SPECIAL POINTS OF INTEREST: 2nd Annual Pajamas

in the Park The Vagina

Monologues

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month:

HELP OF DOOR COUNTY, INC .

HELP's Highlights

Eliminating Domestic Abuse

SPRING 2012

spring 2012

Domestic abuse is really about power and control By Orlaine I. Gabert

We all have some need to have some power and control in our lives, it is normal. But for that abuser, their need is exaggerated. What does that mean? First power and control is their only focus in a relationship, in how they manage their life. This means that their actions can be exaggerated. They will act to others in ways that most of us can understand. Historically we have identified leaders who have exerted that exaggerated power and control Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and recently Saddam Hussein and Moammar Gadhafi. Each was willing to do anything to a human being to advance their power and control. This is also true of the abuser. Some of the extremes that they would use: killing a pet, refusing to give food or medicine to an older adult, taking all the older adult's money and valuables for their own use, stalking, breaking an arm, strangling to near death, kidnapping the children and taking them away from the mother, lying in court by portraying the mother as unfit, murdering the victim and their children and killing themselves. Due to their exaggerated thinking, all of these actions and behaviors are acceptable to maintain that power and control in the mind of an abuser. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, stop in or call HELP of Door County, Inc. to learn more about our Violence Intervention Services or Domestic Abuse program.

INSIDE THIS ISSUE:

Article by:

2

Jess Holland

2012 Coupons 3 For a Cause

New Services 3 for V&E

Brat Fry

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The Normalization of Intimate Partner Violence is Concerning Directors Note By: Ursula Bunnell Timreck

In 2009 Chris Brown, R&B music artist, severely beat his girlfriend Rihanna. Today, three years later, it appears Brown has been given a level of liberation by his ex-girlfriend. The collaboration of Rihanna and Brown on two new songs has ignited an influx of comments from youth and young adult girls on social media sites. Comments such as, "Chris Brown can beat me all he wants, he is flawless," "Chris Brown Please, beat me" ;) " Chris Brown can punch me in the face as much as he wants to, just as long as he kisses it (:". The hope is that we can all make a difference in rebutting such beliefs by educating, role modeling, and openly discussing healthy vs. unhealthy relationships with young adults. The idea of normalizing violence effects not just girls, but also boys who may rationalize abusive tendencies based on the interpretation of comments posted that say "please beat me." Taken literally, these types of comments can set societal beliefs about female oppression back by decades. I believe we owe our children and grandchildren the opportunity to live a violence free life, and have the ability to feel safe in their relationships.

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"The DV homicide report shows a person is killed in a domestic violence incident on average once a week in Wisconsin. This represents approximately 30-percent of all homicides in our state, "But numbers don't begin to tell the whole story. For every homicide counted in the report, there is an individual victim who was loved by family and friends, and for every homicide victim, there are many thousands of domestic violence victims in Wisconsin who, while thankfully still alive, continue to live with the terror of domestic violence." Patti Seger E.D. of WCADV.

Intimate partner violence results in more than 18.5 million mental health care visits each year.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Child Abuse Awareness Month

May is Supervised Visitation Month

Proud to be a United Way Funded Partner

HELP'S HIGHLIGHTS

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month Jess Holland Teen Dating Violence goes beyond flying fists and date rape. It includes verbal, emotional and social abuse, which is often overlooked by children and many adults. The media portrays confusing messages about what makes a boyfriend a "man" and how a girlfriend should be "sexy" and a "lady." In an article by NPR's Sam Sanders, teens were interviewed at a Chris Brown concert only 2 years after he violently beat his then girlfriend, Rihanna. Brown was still in his teens. One 19-year-old that was interviewed stated, "Obviously [Rihanna] played a part in getting beat, or whatever." A poll taken by Start Strong, an organization committed to educating teens on healthy relationships, found that close to 50 percent of teens surveyed in a poll believed that Rihanna was to blame for being abused. This is a horrible message for teenagers to reinforce, especially when they are beginning their first relationships and learning how to be respected by their partners. The victim is never to blame in an abusive relationship. Even more upsetting, after Chris Brown released a YouTube video stating that his actions were 100% unacceptable, teenage girls still idolize him. Sanders found a 17-year-old outside of Brown's concert that stated, "He's kind of what we would like our boyfriends to model after, in a way" ? an example of why 1 in 5 teens experience dating violence (Futures Without Violence). This unhealthy view of relationships is not the fault of teens everywhere. It is our responsibility as adults to help teach respect and love. There are several resources to remind us the key factors of healthy dating relationships, such as and . Below is information gathered from . The Key to Healthy Relationships: Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it's best to talk about it instead of holding it

in. Respect Your Partner. Your partner's wishes and feelings have value. Let your significant other know you

are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it's important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way. Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to your partner. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down. Respect Each Other's Privacy. Just because you're in a relationship, doesn't mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space. Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Checking your cell phone or email without permission Constantly putting you down Extreme jealousy or insecurity Explosive temper Isolating you from family or friends Making false accusations Mood swings Physically hurting you in any way Possessiveness Telling you what to do

Fifteen students from Door County will present at the Wisconsin Summit on Teen Dating and Sexual Violence in March.

For support regarding Teen Dating Violence please contact Jess Holland, Youth Advocate at HELP of Door County, Inc. by phone at 920-743-8785 or email at YouthAdv@.

ELIMINATING DOMESTIC ABUSE

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Upcoming

"Not-so-New" Newlywed Game Show

Thanks to all the supporters that came to the show. We had such a good time that,

Events

we want to try another show during the summer. Thanks again to all the people and

businesses that were involved:

AmericInn, FM 106.9 The Lodge, DC Floral, John Martin's Restaurant,

Westwood Shores, Everlasting Doodle, K. Avenson Photography, Draeb Jewelers, Alley Katz Boutique, Peninsula Winery, The Naked Cow Confectionary, Nightingale, and Yankee Clipper & Clipper's Mate.

A BIG thanks to our volunteers: Brenda Sabo, Nikki Hedeen, Alex Bruckner, Elizabeth Gierhahn, Especially the Sister Bay Firefighters and their families, special thanks to the Holiday Music Hotel for helping promote our event, Mike and Carrie Mesic, Cassandra Curtis, and Gina Moretti.

Thank you to our host, Mike Mesic and score keeper Carrie Mesic for

Please visit our website for Dates on our upcoming events. Brat Fry, Saturday`s at Pick `n Save. Annual Meeting? check website for details April The Vagina Monologues

everything. Thank you to Jarred and the Sister Bay Fire Fighters, for saying yes to making the commercials.

New Services offered for Visitation and Exchange

Saturday April 14, 2012 at The

Land Mark Resort in Egg Harbor

June June 16th, 2012 is the 2nd Annual Pajamas in the Park ? a fun family

event.

The Visitation and Exchange program is offering new

services in addition to supervised or monitored visits

and monitored exchanges. Last year two new services

Coupons for a Cause

were added: monitored telephone visits and supportive

parenting. Monitored telephone visits allow out-of-

Would you invest $10.00 to save hundreds of

town parents to have telephone visits without the

dollars?

custodial parent being part of the conversation.

That's the premise behind HELP's fundraising

Supportive parenting gives visiting parents a little bit

event, Coupons for a Cause. The coupon book

of extra help if needed.

will combine fantastic savings with art, statis-

tics and resources. Coupons for a Cause will

This year a Father's Group has been added. Although retail for $10.00 a book. Books will be mar-

not a parenting group, our Father's Group offers an

keted through retail outlets, personal sales, art

opportunity for dads to engage with other dads to

festivals and events.

discuss parenting topics with a facilitator and to spend

group time playing with their children.

Individuals and businesses interested in

marketing the coupon books should contact

Don't forget that May is Supervised Visitation Month and Save the Date: June 16th, 2012 is the 2nd Annual

Chad Chervenka at: resourcedev@ or call

Pajamas in the Park, Cherry Blossom Park on Lansing Rd (920) 743-8785.

? a fun family event.

The Vagina Monologues is made up of a varying number of monologues read by a varying number of women (initially, Eve Ensler performed every monologue herself (the creator). Every monologue somehow relates to the vagina, be it through sex, love, rape, menstruation, female genital mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm, the variety of names for the vagina, or simply as a physical aspect of the body. A recurring theme throughout the piece is the vagina as a tool of female empowerment, and the

ultimate embodiment of individuality

Help us save money. Join our online Newsletter. HELP will be converting to an online newsletter to all those who are willing to make the switch. Cutting our mailing costs helps us focus our funds for our clients needs. We will put you on our email list and you will receive our paperless quarterly letter. Please email us your address to: resourcedev@ .

HELP of Door County, Inc.

Eliminating Domestic Abuse 219 Green Bay Road Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235-2835

Hot-Line Toll Free Office

920.743.8818 800.914.3571 920.743.8785

ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED

US Postage PAID Non-Profit Org Sturgeon Bay Wisconsin 54235 Permit No. 40

HELP's Hope; The Giving Corner

WE ARE IN NEED OF THE FOLLOWING ITEMS:

HELP of Door County Needs:

Office Supplies:

--Copy paper: 8 1/2 x 11, legal, and/or ledger size --Colored copy paper: any colors --General office supplies

(This list changes periodically based on our current needs)

Miscellaneous

--Safe Homes for Victims --Exterior Lock Sets --Used cell phones --Markers for Children --Gas Gift Cards --Discount Store Gift Cards --Department Store Gift Cards --Grocery Gift Cards --Utility Cards --New Trac Phones

Planned Giving

As always, including HELP in your will as a beneficiary of stock, estate, or trust is appreciated. Feel confident your gift through planned giving will last for generations.

True philanthropists never die!

Endowment

Invest in HELP's future....HELP's endowment is truly "safe" investing! You'd be investing in keeping clients safe! The best form of safety planning is ensuring we are here for future clients.

WE WELCOME YOUR COMMENTS

The mission of HELP of Door County, Inc. is to: eliminate domestic abuse through prevention and intervention services and to advocate for social change

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