CIRCLE LEADERS HANDBOOK - Passivation



JOINING TOGETHER IN LOVE

Starting a New Marriage Encounter Community

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SECTION 7

CONTINUING THE JOURNEY PILLAR

_______________ COMMUNITY _____________ DIOCESE

COMMUNITY/CIRCLE HANDBOOK

Table of Contents Page

1. Introduction

• WWME Mission Statement 3

• Community/Circle Mission Statement 4

• Goals of a Community/Circle 5

• Prosperous Community/Circle versus Weak Community/Circle 6

2. Community/Circle Meeting

• Meeting Guidelines & Agenda 7

• Rules for Sharing 8

3. Presentations

• Presentation Tips 9

• Formation Presentations

• Mission / Vision Presentation 10

• Prayer Couple Presentation 11

• The Importance of Sharing 12

• Inviting 13

• The Importance of Community 16

• Relationship Presentations

WORLDWIDE MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER

VISION:

Love one another as I have loved you.

MISSION STATEMENT:

WORLDWIDE MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER’S mission of renewal in the

Church and change in the world is to assist couples and priests to live fully

intimate and responsible relationships by providing them with a Catholic

“experience” and ongoing community support for such a lifestyle.

Seoul – January, 1995

Adopted by the U. S. Secretariat January, 1996 – Dallas, Texas

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COMMUNITY/CIRCLE MISSION STATEMENT

Community/Circle is a monthly gathering that provides support of sacramental spirituality through presentation, dialogue, prayer, sexuality, journeying with others with similar values & reevaluation.

Community/Circle provides enthusiastic support for the Weekend by being focused on the values and mission of Worldwide Marriage Encounter.

Community/Circle extends to its members the Lord’s call to be Open & Apostolic

• inviting and encouraging members to help strengthen the Marriage Encounter Community

• being actively involved in promoting the Weekend through the local inviting structure

• supporting the Weekend as prayer sponsors or by participating in a prayer vigil for couples/priests/religious

• inviting members to consider other “ministries” in the community

• “angeling” new couples/priests/religious into Community/Circle

Through Community/Circle we hear and act on the final instruction:

“Go forth to Love & Serve”.

Goals of Community/Circle

1. To renew the Church by showing and sharing our love with others.

2. To unite in community and sincerely try, as couples/priests/religious, to develop our spirituality through daily dialogue, sexuality and prayer.

3. To invite to the Weekend which allows us to spread our special gift of the Weekend to couples, priests and religious.

4. To provide monthly presentations that are challenging and motivating.

5. To enthusiastically support the needs of the Weekend (ie responding to the Friday / Sunday night greeting, being a prayer couple for a couple/priest/religious, taking an hour on the 44 hour prayer vigil) and to support each other as we face the struggles in today’s modern world.

6. To encourage couples/priests/religious to be open and apostolic in seeding God’s plan in their relationship.

7. To recognize and call forth gifts that couples/priest/religious possess that benefit the WWME community.

8. To accept responsibility as part of the WWME Community by participating in community sponsored events.

9. To include family in community events.

WHAT STRENGTHENS A WHAT WEAKENS A COMMUNITY/CIRCLE COMMUNITY/CIRCLE

1. Focus on relationship 1. Focus is only on socializing

** Be a Couple** **Relationship Takes a Back Seat**

2. Couples care about each other 2. Gossip

** Be Lovers** **Negative talk about others**

3. Couples believe in dialogue 3. Couples are not committed to dialogue

** Be Dialoguers** **Commitment of Other Couples Weakened**

4. Gathering format is followed 4. Gathering format not followed

** Be Faithful to Schedule** **Gathering Becomes Long**

**Erratic Schedule Inhibits New Members**

5. Guidelines for sharing followed 5. Sharing guidelines not followed

**Establish a Quiet Atmosphere** **Sharing is Inhibited, Intimidating**

6. Sharings are accepted as gifts 6. Sharings are answered

**Be a Good Listener** **Sharing is Looked at as Problems**

7. New couples are special 7. Community/Circle becomes “cliquish or closed”

**Welcome New Couples Enthusiastically** **Inward Focused Community/Circle**

COMMUNITY/CIRCLE MEETING GUIDELINES & AGENDA

• Send a monthly invitation for Community/Circle Meeting to all couples/priests/religious. Make sure the words Worldwide Marriage Encounter are included on the invitation.

• Greet attendees as they arrive. Be sensitive to new couples/priests/religious. (Couple hugs for example)

• Begin the meeting on time

• Begin with a prayer or prayer service (can be delegated or part of volunteer sign up process)

• Read the WWME Vision and Mission.

• Introduce new couples/priests/religious. Everyone should wear nametags.

BUSINESS PORTION OF THE MEETING – MAX 20 MINUTES*

• Announce dates of upcoming Weekends.

• Allow Prayer Couple Coordinator and Prayer Vigil Coordinator to attain prayer couples

• Encourage attendance at welcoming Sacraments to the weekend and especially the Sing-out (Afterglow)

• Encourage inviting for the weekends.

• Allow Community/Circle Inviting Coordinator time to advise on upcoming pulpits or other inviting events or

• To plan an inviting event sponsored by the Community/Circle

• Announce information regarding upcoming events

• Announce Wedding and Encounter anniversaries for the month

• Circulate Presentation/Hosting sheet to solicit volunteers

PRESENTATION, 10/10 & OPEN SHARING

• Presentation 15 – 20 min max

• 10/10

• Review the “Rules for Sharing”

• Open sharing 30 min max

• Helpful to announce that you will end the sharing by _____ time.

CLOSING

• Announce location and date of next meeting

• Prayer and petitions – invite open prayer petitions

• Song (if desired).

• Thank everyone for coming and adjourn for fellowship and snacks. (open ended time)

*Business and Presentation sections may be interchanged.

Rules for Sharing

• Open sharing is voluntary. No one is required to share; however, what you share might help others in the group.

• Everything shared at Community/Circle is confidential

• Please don’t comment on someone else’s sharing.

• Stick to the sharing question and focus on sharing your feelings.

• Share for yourself with “I” or “me” messages.

• Please don’t interrupt or finish someone’s sentence.

• Please don’t offer solutions. This is a time for listening & understanding – not fixing.

• Avoid saying “I agree or disagree”. Please don’t judge a sharing.

• Avoid witty remarks or comments in an attempt to ease the situation or change the subject. Such comments can discourage the person from sharing again.

• Avoid preaching, using “you should” or “you can’t” statements.

• Try not to be uncomfortable with periods of silence. Some personality styles need time to process or formulate what they want to share.

• Share your feelings fully, but allow time for all to share.

• Listen without your motor running, with an open heart. We all want to be listened to.

Presentation Tips

Two types of community presentations follow this page:

• Formation Presentations

• Relationship Presentations

Formation Presentations are based around topics that provide ongoing community support for the Worldwide Marriage Encounter movement. It is suggested that communities utilize these presentations on a regular basis. This means that some community couples might hear a presentation on the same topic every year. This is not necessarily bad, as formation needs to be ongoing. The Formation Presentation outlines that follow should be used as a guideline and can be adapted as needed. A potential Formation Presentation schedule might be:

January Mission / Vision Presentation

March Prayer Couple Presentation

May The Importance of Sharing

August Inviting

November The Importance of Community

This is a suggested one-year schedule, but may be presented over an 18-month period, as needed.

Relationship Presentations focus on the ongoing enhancement of our relationship with God, our spouse and the church. These presentations can be done at anytime.

WWME MISSION / VISION PRESENTATION

INTRODUCTION: As Encountered sacraments, we are all called to support the Mission and Vision of Worldwide Marriage Encounter (WWME). In this presentation we will look at what that means and explore ways in which we can do so on a daily basis.

PART ONE: What is the Mission & Vision of WWME?

1. Define what a Mission Statement is? Define a Vision.

a. What is the meaning of each of these?

b. What do these mean to you?

2. WWME Vision:

a. Read the Vision Statement – “Love one another as I have loved you.”

b. Describe what this means to you.

3. WWME Mission:

a. Read the Mission Statement:

- “WORLDWIDE MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER’S mission of renewal in the Church and change in the world is to assist couples and priests to live fully intimate and responsible relationships by providing them with a Catholic “experience” and ongoing community support for such a lifestyle.”

b. Describe what this means to you. Breaking this up in to segments might be helpful.

PART TWO: Living out the WWME Mission

1. How do you, as a community couple, live out this mission?

a. What do you do to support the Weekends? What do you see others do? HDIFAT?

b. What do you do to support your community? What do you see others do? HDIFAT?

2. In what other ways can you support the Mission? HDIFAT?

10 AND 10: In what way (s) do I take ownership in the Marriage Encounter Mission statement? How do I feel about my answer?

SHARING QUESTION: How do I or don’t I live out the Marriage Encounter Mission.

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE PRAYER COUPLE

INTRODUCTION: As Encountered sacraments, we are called to a constant journey toward intimacy and unity in our spousal relationship. We will never arrive, and we cannot travel alone. We need the love and support of others with similar values, to journey with us. The Sacrament, who are praying and sacrificing, not only for the intention of the Weekend, but for a special couple in particular, are called to share their journey with others after the Weekend. In this presentation, we will stress the importance of this ministry and provide formation on how to be the best prayer couple we can be.

PART ONE: Our First Experience with Our Prayer Couple (5 Minutes)

1. Describe your thoughts and feelings when you heard a couple was praying for you while you were on the Weekend.

2. Getting your prayer letter.

a. What did your couple write to you? (You might want to read your letter to the group.)

b. Describe your thoughts and feelings when you read your letter.

3. Meeting your prayer couple.

a. Did you meet your couple at the end of the Weekend? How did you feel about that?

b. If you didn’t meet your couple at the end of the Weekend, did someone else greet you? How did you feel when you did meet your prayer couple? Describe feelings in detail.

PART TWO: The prayer Couple Ministry (5 minutes)

1 Discuss the importance of the Prayer Couple.

b Write a meaningful, loving Prayer Letter.

b Attend the “sing out” at the end of their Weekend.

b Provide the bridging into Community for the newly Encounter Sacrament

2 Give examples of actions you can take as a prayer couple (writing a Prayer Letter, getting the couple to community, etc.)

b Use personal examples if possible;

b Use examples from Prayer Couple Brochure.

10 AND 10: Think back to your Weekend to the time you read your prayer letter and met your prayer couple. How do I feel recalling this? Describe this feeling in loving detail.

SHARING QUESTION: Share your dialogue or share an experience you have had being a prayer couple.

The Importance of Sharing

INTRODUCTION: Part of our mission statement is to provide ongoing community support to live the Marriage Encounter lifestyle. Meeting this responsibility involves a variety of activities. One of the most important is to build relationships with couples and priests that are built on the same communication technique of sharing feelings and striving to be vulnerable enough to enhance intimacy. Community/sharing groups encourage this model through the group sharing in a way that avoids conversation or consultation and is accepting of all sharing. In this presentation, we will stress that reaching this goal is a process that is worth the journey.

PART ONE: Surviving the Introduction to Sharing (5 Minutes)

1. Describe your thoughts and feelings when the idea of group sharing was first explained to you.

2. How did you feel while you participated in the first group sharing? Did you share?

3. What impact did the sharing of other couples have on your early comfort level in the group? Describe your feelings as you left the first meeting.

PART TWO: The Growth of Intimacy (5-7 Minutes)

1. Discuss the benefits you gained from sharing:

a. Intimate connection with the group in a short time

1. Relief that you are not alone.

2. Revealing feelings that would never come up in normal conversation.

3. Experiencing the acceptance of others for your feelings through their ability

to listen without counseling or rebuttal.

4. Accepting couples who are not ready to share or are in a difficult place

tonight.

b Reinforcing the communication technique of using feelings.

c. Growth of Community/Sharing group into a Marriage Encounter family through being vulnerable enough to expose our struggles.

2 Describe a time that you shared on a difficult issue and what were your feelings afterward?

10 AND 10: Think back to your first exposure to group sharing. Now remember our last meeting. Has your feeling about sharing changed? HDIFAT?

SHARING QUESTION: When is sharing the toughest for me? How do I feel about that?

Purpose of Inviting (Inviting Presentation 1)

INTRODUCTION: The continued growth of Worldwide Marriage Encounter falls to those that have been Encountered. If we, who have been Encountered, do not continue to invite other couples to experience what we have found, the WWME movement will eventually die. People are hesitant about trying new things and unless asked will not take part in new ideas. The purposes of inviting others to the Weekend include:

• Share the ME experience

• Continue the growth of ME

• Renewal of the Church

PART ONE: Your Original Invitation and Other Inviting Methods

1. Describe your thoughts and feelings about your marriage.

a. Give examples of how your marriage was before ME (was something was missing?)

b. Describe how you found out about ME and what motivated you to make the weekend.

c. Express appreciation for how you were invited or how you found out about ME.

2.Describe different ways of inviting. Share your experiences and feelings.

a. Mass Talks;

b. Romance Dinners;

c. Bulletin Announcements;

d. Personal Inviting;

e. Media articles;

f. Others.

PART TWO: Difficulties and Benefits of Inviting

1. Share your difficulties and struggles with inviting.

a. Some of the fears you have encountered in inviting.

b. How did you deal with your difficulties?

2. Share the benefits of inviting.

a. For you personally;

b. For the Community;

c. For WWME;

d. For the Church.

3. Describe how you were looking for a renewal for your marriage.

a. Encourage others to overcome the natural fear of rejection;

b. Suggest they use some of the inviting programs available.

10/10: Jesus invited the apostles to come follow Me. Do I think that I have been invited to follow Jesus through World Wide Marriage Encounter and should I pass this invitation on to others? HDIFAMA?

Sharing Question: Share on the 10/10 question or share on personal inviting experiences.

INVITING PRESENTATION 2

INTRODUCTION: All married couples, priests and religious who have made a Marriage Encounter weekend were invited by someone or some message. Often, those who make a weekend are overflowing with thankfulness after the experience because it has been valuable to them. It is not always possible to give anything to those who originally invited them to the experience, and so they pay their gratitude forward by inviting others (family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers) to make a weekend. This process of encouraging others to participate involves some risk of rejection, but also can result in much joy for those who accept the invitation. Those who invited in the past made it possible for those of us in the present to make a weekend, and through our present inviting efforts, we can make the weekend experience possible for those in the future. Through this presentation, we hope to rekindle enthusiasm for inviting and offer new information to spur community members to action.

PART I: OUR EXPERIENCE AS THE INVITED

A. Recall how you were originally invited to the weekend (1-2 minutes each)

1.Briefly include the state of your relationship at the time, the circumstances of the inviting, and how your inviters touched you with their offer.

B. Share how you felt when the two of you agreed to go. (1 minute each)

PART II: INVITING AS MINISTRY

A. Discuss personal growth, new learning and/or changes in your life since your weekend

which motivate you to invite others. (1-2 minutes)

B. Share how you felt when another couple, priest or religious agreed to make a weekend

in response to your invitation. (1 minute each)

C. Share any other reason(s) why you believe it is important to invite others to make a weekend. (1-2 minutes each)

D. Describe a time when you successfully overcame your own reluctance/insecurity about inviting others to the weekend. Share your strategy. (1-2 minutes each)

PART III: WAYS TO INVITE

A. Share about a favorite personal inviting experience 1 to 1. Be specific about what

actions were taken, words that were used, props (brochures, date cards, registration

gift certificates etc), circumstances and what the experience meant to you. (1-2

minutes each spouse)

B. Share what a favorite community inviting looks like. Include preparation, task

sharing, pictures, interaction of couples (fun) benefits and feelings after the experience. (1-2 minutes each spouse)

C. Hand out a 5x8 index card with a list of many possible ways to invite divided into

three categories: 1 to 1 personal inviting, Community Inviting and Public Inviting.

A half sheet of paper will do, but the card will last longer and can serve as a reminder

on refrigerators. It should be stressed that these ways are suggestions, not a complete

list of ways to invite. The list can also be printed two/ three to a pageand printed on

8 1/2 x 11 colored card stock available from office supply stores by the sheet. See A

Model of the Index Card.

A Model of the Index Card

__________________________________________________________

Ways to Invite Others to a Marriage Encounter Weekend

Personal Inviting Community Inviting Public Inviting

1. Couples to home for treats/video Romantic Dinner PSA’s on radio/cable TV

2. Conversations at work Valentines Day Dances (parish) Feature stories in newspaper

3. Brochures to fellow parents Celebrate marriages 5-50 yrs-parish Publish dates/ch. bulletins

4. Professionals: i.e. family doctor Sponsor ME floats in local parades ME sponsored coffee/donuts

5. Give free registration to friends Info meeting after Sun. masses ME displays in churches

6. Take parish priest/ministers Share supervision of booth at Post brochures or posters in

or religious out to dinner citywide or parish ministry fair stores or doctors’ offices

D. Allow 1 minute for guests to read over the list and ask questions.

10 and 10: Recall how you were invited to make your Marriage Encounter weekend. Describe your response to the invitation in loving detail. How does your answer make you feel?

SHARING QUESTION: Share a method of inviting that appeals to you. It may be a way you have experienced in the past or one you’d like to try. Highlight what you like about it.

Close by asking couples to take their inviting card home. Sometime before the next meeting, ask them to write one method of inviting they are willing to try in the coming year on the back of the card.

THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNITY

INTRODUCTION: Community is the lifeblood of our WWME ministry. The term “community” includes all those who have made a WWME weekend. In community, we are involved with other couples, priests, and religious that are committed to the values of the weekend and the support of dialogue. This group of people enables us to make the Mission of WWME a reality by providing ongoing growth and support. Community is considered a pillar, which is key to supporting the WWME movement. In this presentation, we will stress the importance of Community and provide ideas for continuing the growth and intimacy we started on our weekend.

PART ONE: WWME Ministry / Importance of Community

Share your thoughts and feelings about your experience with community.

a. First introduction to community (for example: who invited you, how did you get to the first meeting, what did you do, etc)

b. Ongoing experiences (couple sharings, couples support, community activities, and celebrations)

1. Share how community helps us continue the growth and intimacy we started on the weekend.

a. Dialogue support;

b. Community relationships (caring, nurturing, listening)

PART 2: Opportunities for Growth and Development

1. Share your experiences of Community using items below that you are familiar with:

a. Weekend Reunion: get better acquainted with couples who attended your weekend;

b. Journey Together: six session series to strengthen your understanding and use the tool of dialogue while experiencing the closeness that develops in a WWME community (for new and experienced couples);

c. Love Circle/Community Sharing Group – groups that gather at some regular interval to share presentations, dialogue and encouragement to live the values of ME; develop bonds of friendship and love;

d. Community Gatherings – area communities meet regularly for a presentation and pot-luck; plan to support World Marriage Day and/or World Priest Day;

e. Conventions – every other year WWME hosts a National Convention and on alternate years many Sections hold a convention closer to home.

2. Life-Giving vs. Social Club

When we focus on needs other than the church and WWME, we get stale and forget about being life-giving (it’s easy to become a social group).

“Life Saving Station” Parable (read aloud)

On a dangerous seacoast where shipwrecks often occur there was a once a crude little life-saving station. The building was just a hut, and there was only one boat, but the few devoted members kept a constant watch over the sea, and with no thought for themselves, they went out day or night tirelessly searching for the lost. Many lives were saved by this wonderful little station, so that it became famous. Some of those who were saved, and various others in the surrounding areas, wanted to become associated with the station and give of their time and money and effort for the support of its work. New boats were bought and new crews were trained. The little life-saving station grew. Some of the new members of the life-saving station were unhappy that the building was so crude and so poorly equipped. They felt that a more comfortable place should be provided as the first refuge of those saved from the sea. So they replaced the emergency cots with beds and put better furniture in an enlarged building. Now the life-saving station became a popular gathering place for its members, and they re-decorated it beautifully and furnished it as a sort of club. Less of the members were now interested in going to sea on life-saving missions, so they hired life boat crews to do this work.

The mission of life-saving was still given lip-service but most were too busy or lacked the necessary commitment to take part in the life-saving activities personally. About this time a large ship was wrecked off the coast, and the hired crews brought in boat loads of cold, wet, and half-drowned people. They were dirty and sick, and some of them had black skin, and some spoke a strange language, and the beautiful new club was considerably messed up. So the property committee immediately had a shower house built outside the club where victims of shipwreck could be cleaned up before coming inside. At the next meeting, there was a split in the club membership. Most of the members wanted to stop the club's life-saving activities as being unpleasant and a hindrance to the normal life pattern of the club. But some members insisted that life-saving was their primary purpose and pointed out that they were still called a life-saving station. But they were finally voted down and told that if they wanted to save the life of all the various kinds of people who were shipwrecked in those waters, they could begin their own life-saving station down the coast. They did.

As the years went by, the new station experienced the same changes that had occurred in the old. They evolved into a club and yet another life-saving station was founded. If you visit the seacoast today you will find a number of exclusive clubs along that shore. Shipwrecks are still frequent in those waters, only now most of the people drown.

10/10 Dialogue Questions:

How has your ME community enhanced your marriage? HDIFAMA?

Sharing Question:

Are we members of a social club or a life-saving station? What specific choices do I need to make to get back into the boat?

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