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Happiness and the Marital State

by Hans J. Eysenck

Many cynics believe that the modern divorce courts prove that a "happy

marriage" is a contradiction in terms. However, the search for happiness is

still one of the main reasons why people are continually looking for a mate.

Marital happiness means happiness for them. But perhaps as far as marriage

is concerned, the question is not 'what is happiness?' but 'who is happy?'

Happiness and the individual

1 "Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life" said Aristotle over 2,000 years ago. This diversity in men and women does not make scientific study of happiness impossible. On the contrary, studies have shown that no matter how different the ways in which people are questioned and interviewed, no matter what kinds of tests and questionnaires are given them, the results are remarkably similar. People who rate themselves happy by one method of research are usually similarly rated by other methods.

Happiness and sex differences

2 Taking the population as a whole, differences in general happiness between men and women are slight or non-existent; when we do observe them, however, they seem to favour women rather than men. Even this might be more a matter of appearance than reality because, whether women's feelings are the result of hormones or environment, our society allows women to show their emotions more, to be happy if they wish. The other side of the coin, of course, is that women are able to be unhappier as well: certainly, women do have higher levels of nervous breakdown, worry, anxiety, and other types of neurotic disorders.

3 When marriage comes into the picture, however, clearer differences come to light. Studies show that both men and women are a great deal happier if married than if single, divorced, or widowed. However, single men were twice as likely as single women to rate themselves as 'not too happy'. The same holds true for divorced men and widowers. Divorced or widowed women are far happier than their male counterparts. Whether they care to admit it or not, the state of marriage is an important factor in men's happiness, and the difference in happiness between men and women in the married state is far smaller than in the single state.

4 Does married happiness increase or decrease with age? For married women, it seems that happiness is at a constant level throughout their lives. One research project showed that 46 per cent of married women between the ages of 18 and 39 rated themselves happy, 46 per cent of those in the 40-to-59 year category did likewise, and 47 per cent of the married women over age 60 considered their state a happy one. The percentages for men, however, were startlingly different: 34 per cent, 40 per cent, and 44 per cent respectively, showing an increase of happiness with age. Perhaps men not only get older, but wiser as well.

Adapted from: Eysenck, H.J. (1983), I Do: Your Guide to a Happy Marriage. Century Publishing,

pp. 29-31.

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