Chapter 7: Anger and Aggression - Psychological Self-Help

1

Chapter 7: Anger and Aggression

Introduction¡ªAn Overview of Anger Statistics

o

o

o

Definition of terms

Recognizing anger

¡ì

Hidden anger¡ªpassive-aggressiveness

¡ì

How angry are you?

A case of jealous anger

Understanding Anger: Theories and facts

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

How much hatred is there in the world? The 2002 WHO Report

How do we get so angry? Sternberg¡¯s theory

How anger interacts with other emotions and factors

Are some people just ¡°evil¡±?

The control of emotions

¡ì

Society tries to control meanness with punishment

¡ì

Society doesn¡¯t try prevention

Innate, genetic, hormonal and physical factors

The Frustration-Aggression Hypothesis

¡ì

Displacement of anger

¡ì

My conclusions about catharsis

¡ì

Historical overview: Frustration-Aggression Theory

Social Learning Theory

Aggression and child rearing practices

Self-hatred and self-reports describing anger

Mental processes that generate anger/aggression

¡ì

Disliking people who are different

¡ì

Hating people for "no reason"

¡ì

Pain leads to aggression

Internal dynamics of aggression

¡ì

Psychoanalysis

¡ì

Anger-generating thoughts

¡ì

Put-down games & psychological put-downs

¡ì

Anger, anxiety, guilt, depression, dependency and sex

¡ì

The effects of gender roles and cultural differences

¡ì

Psychological excuses for aggression; anger may pay off

Anger in intimate relationships

o

Marital conflict

¡ì

Dealing with the ¡°intimate enemy¡±

¡ì

Trying to get our way

2

o

o

o

o

¡ì

Finding better ways to resolve anger

¡ì

Psychological abuse in intimate relationships

Physical abuse of spouses and children

¡ì

How do we start being physical?

¡ì

Statistics about abuse of ¡°loved ones¡±

¡ì

How common is wife rape?

¡ì

Abuse within the family

¡ì

Why do women stay?

¡ì

Can abusers change?

¡ì

Long-term effects of abuse within the family

¡ì

Books and websites about domestic violence

Child abuse

¡ì

The consequences of child abuse or severe punishment

¡ì

Sources of information: Dealing with problem children

¡ì

Anger is usually a two-way street

Parent-teenager conflicts

¡ì

Getting closer again

Jealousy

Distrusting others

o

How to become more trusting

Disliking others without valid reasons: Prejudice

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

Unconscious prejudice

Understanding our own prejudices¡ªAllport and DuBois

Prejudice can take many forms

Extreme prejudice

You don¡¯t think you are prejudiced any more?

Is intimacy a possible antidote for racial prejudice?

Experimentally created prejudice and new research

The authoritarian personality and prejudice

Integration: Is it reducing racial prejudice?

New methods for changing stereotypes, emotions and prejudice

Self-help methods to reduce our prejudice

Books and websites about reducing prejudices

Methods for handling our own anger/aggression

o

o

o

An important long-term concern

Self-help tailored to each person¡¯s needs

Four popular books and tidbits about reducing anger

¡ì

Bradley P. Barris

¡ì

Les Carter

¡ì

Carl Semmelroth

3

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

o

¡ì

Lynne Namka

¡ì

Tidbits of information about anger and violence

¡ì

Emotional rumination vs. thoughtful reflection

Using methods from different levels for your own self-help

Level I: Behaviors and simple thoughts

Level II: Methods for reducing anger

Level III: Skills to avoid anger

Level IV: Cognitive methods for reducing your aggression

¡ì

Buddhist teachings about controlling anger

¡ì

More cognitive methods described in this book

¡ì

Forgiveness¡ªDetails of cognitive ways to reduce anger

Level V: Be aware of and neutralize unconscious causes

Suggested books for specific anger problems

Websites and videos

Warning: An angry situation is dangerous

Dealing with an aggressive person

o

o

o

o

o

Coping with rape--a horrible crime

Dealing with a stalker

Recommended readings about aggressive people

Reducing the other person's anger

The angry child or violent teen

If you are a victim of violence or bullying

Social-educational solutions to violence

4

Anger and Aggression

This chapter will provide (1) signs of anger, (2) theories about how and why

aggression develops, and (3) means of preventing or coping with anger (in

yourself and in others).

Introduction¡ªAn Overview of Anger

How we deal with stress, disappointments, and frustration determines the

essence of our personality. In this chapter we consider frustration and

aggression. Anger may do more harm than any other emotion. First of all it is

very common and, secondly, it upsets at least two people--the aggressor and

the aggressed against. There are two problems: how to prevent or control

your own anger and how to handle someone aggressing against you. This

chapter attends more to self-control.

The overall effects of anger are enormous (Nay, 1996). Frustration tells us

"I'm not getting what I want" and eventually anger is related to violence,

crime, spouse and child abuse, divorce, stormy relationships, poor working

conditions, poor physical health (headaches, hypertension, GI disturbances,

heart attacks), emotional disorders, and so on.

Just how widespread is hostility? Very! Psychology Today (1983) asked,

"If you could secretly push a button and thereby eliminate any person with no

repercussions to yourself, would you press that button?" 69% of responding

males said yes, 56% of women. Men would most often kill the U. S. president

or some public figure; women would kill bosses, ex-husbands or exboyfriends and former partners of current lovers. Another survey of college

students during the 80's indicated that 15% agreed that "if we could wipe out

the Soviet Union, and be sure they wouldn't be able to retaliate, we should do

it." That action could result in over 100 million deaths! The respondents

seemed to realize the great loss of life because 26% said, "the United States

should be willing to accept 25 million to 50 million casualties in order to

engage in nuclear war." What an interesting combination of intelligence and

mass violence in the same species. In light of the subsequent disintegration

of the Soviet Union, this kind of pugnacious, arrogant, uncaring thinking is

really scary. The problem was an unwillingness to carefully consider the

atrocities of nuclear warfare plus a macho toughness engendered by the

1980¡¯s Cold War rhetoric.

For reasons I hope to soon make clearer, Americans are amazingly violent compared

to people in other countries. In 2002, approximately 290 million Americans suffered

23 million crimes. 23% of those crimes were crimes of violence. For every 1000

people over 12, there was one rape or sexual assault, another assault resulting in an

injury, and two robberies. Yet, criminal violence is fairly predictable (not at some

specific time but in general) in the sense that 50% of males convicted of a crime

between 10 and 16-years-of-age will be convicted of more crimes as adults. Also,

being exposed to violence in childhood (at home, in their community, & in the

5

media) is associated with the child having poor health (Graham- Bermann & Seng,

2005) and with them being violent as an adult. We could do something about these

things but we don¡¯t, perhaps because we believe aggression is just ¡°human nature¡±

and/or because we are angry and thus indifferent to stressed kids, especially if they

are of another race or a different economic or ethnic group. Also, our society is far

more insistent on punishing rather than preventing adolescent

violence/crime/misbehavior (another reflection of our own anger?).

Great atrocities are attributed to crazed men--Hitler, Stalin, terrorists, etc.

But, several psychological studies cited in this and the next chapter suggest

that ordinary people can rather easily become evil enough to discriminate

against, hurt, and brutalize others. Likewise, Goldhagen (1995) has

documented that ordinary Germans by the thousands rounded up and

executed millions of Jews. It isn't just the prejudiced and deranged that

brutalize. There is scary evidence that almost all of us might, under the right

conditions, develop a tolerance or a rationalization for injustice. Even the

most moral among us may look the other way (certainly the many murderers

in Germany and Russia talked to priests, ministers, town officials, etc.).

German doctors performed atrocious experiments in concentration camps.

Each of us strongly resist thinking of ourselves as potentially mean or bad,

yet there is evidence we can be persuaded to do awful things by leaders and

governments. Interestingly, we have little trouble believing that others are

bad and immoral. Storr (1994) attempts to explain intense human hatred and

cruelty to others, such as genocide and racial or religious conflict. Concerning

hatred, we are psychologically still in the dark ages.

The crime rate soars in the U.S. and our prisons overflow; infidelity and

spouse abuse are high; 1 in 5 women has been raped, 683,000 women were

raped in 1990 (30% were younger than 11!); our murder rate is several times

higher than most other countries. We are prejudiced. We distrust and dislike

others. Even within the family--supposedly our refuge, our safe place, our

source of love--there is much violence. Between 1/4 and 1/2 of all wives have

been physically battered which causes great psychological trauma too

(Goodman, Koss, & Russo, 1993). Physical fights have occurred within 1216% of all marriages during the last year. In 50% of these instances it is

mutual violence, i.e. both try to beat up on the other. But children 3 to 17 are

the most violent: 20% per year actually abuse their parents; 93-95% are a

"little physical" with parents. In addition, last year 10% of children were

dangerously and severely aggressive with siblings. Nearly one third of us fight

with our siblings. About 25% of all murders are by teenagers. There are 1.2

million cases of child abuse per year. Pogrebin (1983) even says we are a

child-hating society but that overlooks the vast majority of children who are

loved, even pampered.

One of the most appalling statistics is that among women who die while

pregnant or within one year of pregnancy, 30% are murdered (Chang, Berg,

Saltzman & Herndon, 2005). The percentage is a little higher in young teen

women (especially black) who have not gotten good prenatal care. A similar

study by The Washington Post found that 2/3rds of these murders involved

domestic violence. Many were slain at home by husbands, boyfriends, or

lovers. In spite of our TV preoccupation in early 2005 with the Laci Peterson

case, we aren¡¯t doing much about helping women during this stressful period

 ................
................

In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.

Google Online Preview   Download