Tobin Brothers



Thursday 5 November 2020, 5pmTobin Brothers Funerals, Mt MarthaCelebrant: Sarah AirdFuneral Director: Brett RamsdaleVideo: Stand By Me, performed by Richard & Caroline Mills (recorded) Say not in grief, "she is no more", but live in thankfulness that she was.On behalf of those who loved her, welcome to the farewell service for Jenny Rolleston. My name is Sarah Aird and I am honoured to conduct this celebration of Jenny’s life today, in conjunction with Brett and the team at Tobin Brothers Mt Martha. Thank you to Jenny’s niece and nephew in Sydney, Richard and Caroline Mills, for recording the video we opened the ceremony with. Also thank you to Di and Jenny’s friend Zak who created the floral arrangement you see, including flowers picked from their garden this morning. Welcome too to those of you watching via the live stream; while it’s hard not to be physically together on a day like this, those here in Melbourne know you are there and appreciate your silent support.Today is a celebration of Jenny’s life, but it is also an opportunity to grieve. It is a time to let go of the emotions you've been holding in since she died. It is a time to set aside all the noise that has surrounded you since she left you. It is a chance for you to think, to reflect, to remember, and to start to heal. Feel free to cry, but also to laugh and smile at your memories of Jenny. Any and all of your feelings and reactions to what you will hear today are valid and real, so give yourselves permission to feel your feelings, to have your reactions, to celebrate, and to grieve.To start today’s ceremony, we invite those of you in the chapel to come forward and light a candle to burn throughout the ceremony in remembrance of Jenny, the time you spent together, and the love you shared.Music: Hallelujah, KD Lang Guests light tapers and place in sandboxFade out music when all guests have lit a candleThank you all.We will now hear a recording of Johann Sebastian Bach’s Air from Orchestral Suite No 3 performed by Jenny’s family in Germany: Kathy on piano, Lukas and Felix on trumpet, Nele on cello and Sofia on violin. Video: Bach’s Air from Orchestral Suite No 3, performed by Kathy and her family in GermanyLet us be honest. Let us not pretend that death is less than it is. It is separation. It is sorrow. It is grief. But let us neither pretend that death is more than it is. It is not annihilation – as long as memory endures, Jenny's influence will be felt. It is not an end to love – humanity's need for love from each of us is boundless. It is not an end to joy and laughter – nothing would less honour one so vibrant than to make our lives drab. Let us be honest with death, for in that honesty we will better honour Jenny and her remarkable life.Let’s hear more about that remarkable life; Jenny’s partner Di has written her life story and asked me to read it on her behalf. These are Di’s words.Jenny was born in Gosford on the central coast of NSW on the 17th of November 1948, the daughter of Bill and Joyce Rolleston. One of the banes of her existence was her name, which Bill was sent to register following her birth. The story goes that there were a number of pubs between the hospital and the registry office, and Bill visited each of them to toast the birth. By the time he reached the registry office to do the deed he was very merry and so Jen’s name was registered as JENIFFER, a name emblazoned on all her official documents forever more.Jenny had two younger sisters, Kathy and Sue, and an older half-sister Julie. She was a loving aunty to Angela, Caroline, Richard, Lukas, Sofia and Felix, and proud great-aunt to Theodor, Linda, Luis, Curtis, Evie, Josie and Marion. Jenny’s family lives in Sydney and Germany and were unable to be here in person today, but they are watching and have recorded their contributions to the service.Family friend Margaret Lackey recalled two stories about the young Jenny. One day Joyce was shopping in Gosford when two-and-a-half-year-old Jenny disappeared. Joyce rode up and down the main street in a taxi searching frantically and finally went to the police station. There was Jenny having a great time?with the frustrated police. All she would tell them when asked her name was, “I am Daddy’s little Darling!” Another time Bill was acting in the local musical society. His character was to pretend to stay sitting when the chair was pulled out from under him. It brought the house down when little Jenny ran down the aisle calling out, “Don’t sit down Daddy! Don’t sit down!?They took your chair away!” As a youngster Jenny was a talented swimmer, competing at State level and with the potential to go further, but she decided to pursue other interests. Nevertheless, her love of all things aquatic endured whether body surfing at Terrigal Beach, splashing through an aqua class at the gym, or just floating in the bay.Jenny grew up in Gosford, attending Gosford High School and later Newcastle University where she trained as a secondary teacher on a studentship with the NSW Department of Education. Her first placement was at Wellington High School in country NSW, teaching Economics and Geography. After three years of saving, she set off overseas for the BIG trip that so many of us did in the 1970s. Jenny spent two years working and travelling in England, Europe and North Africa, where she was joined by Sue for a time. She then spent a year teaching at the Edgehill School in Nova Scotia, Canada.When she returned to Australia three years later, she was unable to secure a teaching position in her field and worked for two years as a Sport and PE mistress in Cowra in country NSW, before embracing an opportunity to spend a year in Sydney on full pay, training as a teacher-of-the-deaf with guaranteed employment thereafter. This happy coincidence led Jenny to the path of her professional career. As a teacher-of-the-deaf and later Head of the Hearing Unit at Yarra Valley Grammar, in Melbourne’s outer east, Jenny became a passionate advocate for hearing impaired children.At Yarra Valley, hearing impaired children, supported by teachers-of-the-deaf, focussed on their residual hearing and lip-reading skills and were integrated into mainstream classes. The students thrived and achieved their full potential with students going on to be dux of the school, winning citizenship awards, continuing on to further education and a variety of satisfying careers. As a teacher-of-the deaf and later Head of the Hearing Unit, Jenny was highly regarded by students, parents and colleagues. She loved being part of the Yarra Valley family and forged enduring friendships there.Jenny and I both loved to travel, and, in fact, we first met in China in the Christmas holidays of 1978-9. That was the stroke of luck that changed the course of both of our lives. This was long before the gay rights movement and after much soul searching, letter writing, trips between Melbourne and Sydney not to mention crippling phone bills, we decided that we wanted to be together. By May 2000, she was teaching at Yarra Valley and we began our lives together.During our working lives Jenny and I travelled extensively in South East Asia during Christmas vacations, and each Easter break for 14 years we rejuvenated our spirits and replenished our souls by bush camping beneath the stately red gums on the sandy beaches of the Murray River with our dear friends Ann and Jess. We read and swam by day, cooked over a crackling campfire by night and even smoked the occasional “little bit of something”. Our planned long service leave trip in 1998 was postponed, because on the eve of our departure, Jenny’s mother was diagnosed with lymphoma. Jenny immediately took extended leave from work to spend time caring for her mother in the months leading to her death. The following year we set off on our greatest adventure, a seven-month long trip. We travelled the dusty red roads beneath azure skies, descended magnificent gorges, swam in pristine, turquoise waters and thrilled to the power of the Horizontal Falls as we explored the Australian outback with our trusty Jeep and Freedom tent. This taste of freedom prompted us to plan for an early retirement.In December 2007, three years after retiring, we moved to Mt Martha and forged a new life in this charming beach-side community where we made many new and valued friendships. We started a book club and joined the local gym, environmental group BERG and U3A Mornington where Jenny was a tutor, student and a Committee member for several years. We continued regular overseas travel, transitioning to cruising after Jenny became ill in 2014 and later to wintering in Palm Cove in Far North Queensland.Jenny loved life in all its aspects. She enjoyed every experience fully whether it was wandering around our garden, enjoying views of the bay, visiting friends, dining out at a local restaurant, watching a film, attending opera, live theatre or music, lounging on a cruise ship or practising tai chi and yoga. She was well known in our local area and always returned from a walk telling me who she had met that day. She was also a great reader and Nicole, her oncologist, once said that she always knew where Jenny was sitting when hooked up for her chemo by looking at the book she was reading – always something interesting. Test cricket was another of her passions (none of that one-day rubbish for her) and we spent many summers on the beach with me reading a book and Jenny plugged into the radio. I recall one day when we were driving in North West Australia. It was a long, hot drive and fairly boring, I thought, because Jenny spent the whole day glued to the ABC cricket broadcast and wouldn’t talk. At the end of the drive she turned to me and said, “Wasn’t that a fascinating day?” I just rolled my eyes. That was always great joke between us.It was at U3A Mornington that Jenny realised her talent for creative writing. Initially mentored by the wonderful Helen Dick and later supported by other students in a self-help group, Jenny has been writing short stories, family stories and poems for many years and also wrote a novel.Jenny had a zest for life and was always ready to see the funny side. I vividly remember having lunch with Di and Ray Jeanes at a beachside café some 18 months ago. Jenny was in good form, wildly gesticulating as she told a story. As she did so, the wig flew from her head and landed on next table. Bursting into peals of laughter, Jenny scooped up the wig, plonked it back on her head, and finished her story without missing a beat. We all cracked up.Jenny was a fun-loving, bubbly, perceptive, generous and caring person, one who always put the needs of others before her own. In December 2018 when she received the devastating news that her cancer had returned, her first thought was that this would spoil Christmas for her sister Sue. She lived her final months fully engaged with life. Few people knew the extent of her illness and the pain she endured, and many people were quite shocked at the announcement of her death. A friend from U3A Mornington wrote, “It came as a great shock to me that Jenny could have been so ill and yet continued on as if life was treating her kindly.” But that was Jenny. She didn’t want to “become her disease” and be treated differently, she wanted to live her life as normally as possible right up until the end. And she did.This year of enforced COVID isolation, gave us time to just be together in stillness in our lovely home, without the intrusion and busy-ness of everyday life. Zoom provided Jenny with opportunities to regularly engage with friends and participate in many activities including creative writing, yoga, book and film clubs while still being able to rest at home. We appreciated the help and support we received from many of our neighbours. The weekly family Zoom sessions each Sunday were a highlight of Jenny’s week and she would carefully conserve her energy so she could fully enjoy them. She was thrilled to be able to see the most recent addition to the family, little Marion Jennifer and to watch her thrive over the last few weeks. And she was thankful that she was able to experience the emotionally charged and joyous final visit by her sister Sue only three weeks before she died.In the last months and weeks, Jenny and I reminisced about all that we shared over more than 40 years together, the great times with our wonderful friends and families. Jenny was grateful to all of you.The curtain has fallen on a life well-lived, a life that brought joy and inspiration to so many people, a life that made a difference to all who knew her.Gentle she went into that still night.She did not rage,She did not fight.Peaceful she slipped into the light.Thank you for those words, Di.Jenny’s youngest sister, Sue, is in Sydney and recorded the following tribute; it includes her playing Colours of the Wind by Alan Menken, a piece she played for Jenny during her recent visit.Sue: I played this piece for Jenny a few weeks ago and she loved it, so I wanted to play it as part of my tribute.Jenny was my fabulous big sister and it is so hard to accept that she is gone. From my earliest memories Jenny has been there to guide me, offer support and get me out of trouble.In the 1970s when I was 20, I spent a year in Europe and Africa with Jenny. We travelled across North Africa in Jenny’s 20-year-old Kombi Van. I remember we were pulled up and questioned by the drug police in Algeria and again in Tunisia. They searched the van and finding nothing they released us, and we made it back to Switzerland. It was pretty scary at the time but later we had a good laugh. The trip was organised by Jenny and she managed to keep us safe. What fantastic memories we had.Many years later, Jenny cared for our mother before she died. I will always be grateful for what she did for Mum.Jenny was always positive and strong. Everyone was touched by her kindness, her generosity and her fun-loving nature. She has always been the best Aunty to my children and Kathy’s children, and she delighted in their achievements. Her six nieces and nephews know how lucky they are to have had their Aunty Jenny’s love and support.Thank you, Di, for looking after Jenny during her illness. We are all the better to have had Jenny’s presence in our lives.Goodbye Jen. I will always miss you.Celebrant: Thank you, Sue.Jenny’s sister, Kathy, has recorded the following tribute from Germany.Kathy: Kathy’s gratitude to JennyI want to thank Jenny for so many things.Thank you, Jenny, for singing all those fabulous Joan Baez and Joni Mitchell songs for me when we were teenagers. I never wanted to stop listening to your clear, beautiful voice with your masterful guitar accompaniment.Thank you for so often generously lending me your car during my trips to Australia. I’m sorry for the time the car got stolen and I’m really sorry for the time I spilt the milkshake in it. And you were so understanding as to never mention these things.Thank you for taking a year off work to care for our Mum when she was so sick. No sacrifice seemed too great for you when it came to caring for your family.Thank you for looking after us so well as Lukas, Felix and I flew to Australia to visit you last year. Once again, we had your car and it was great to have a real quality time, fun week with you and Di. We are so grateful for those great memories.Thank you for being the life of the party at our weekly family Zooms, for being so proud of us and always loving and supporting us.Thanks Jenny.Celebrant: Thank you, Kathy.Jenny’s niece Angela and her daughter Evangeline have recorded the following tribute from Sydney.Angela: Hi there, my name is Angela and this is my daughter Evangeline. She's Jenny's great niece. I just wanted to share some of my feelings about Jenny growing up. I have such fond memories. She's always quick to laugh, and funny. She always had a funny joke, she's a wonderful writer, she's a wonderful spirit. She taught my American husband about cricket. She was always a fun-loving spirit and a beach baby. I have so many fond memories of her. There were a lot of things she inspired me to do over the years like swimming and lately even with surfing.? She will be greatly missed. We love you, Jenny. Evangeline: I love you, JennyCelebrant: Thank you both.We will now hear from Jenny’s friends Prue and Ann. Please come forward.Prue: Last Monday, before breakfast, I stepped out our front door and was immediately drenched in the intense perfume of the myriad blossoms on the grapefruit tree growing beside the porch, and the buzzing of hundreds of bees. This tree had been a gift from Jen and Di 20 years ago. The thought that immediately came to mind on that still, warm morning was how much that tree, at that moment, reminded me of the vitality and exuberance of Jenny Rollo.My friendship with Jen began 40 years ago when she came to Yarra Valley Grammar as a teacher for the hearing-impaired students. I was a counsellor at the school at the time and because my classroom teaching role was small, my contact with Jen was more of a social nature in the staff room.I immediately warmed to this lively, friendly woman and her obvious curiosity about life. Jenny’s capacity to embrace life drew you in. Her humour and her infectious, ready laugh, her intelligence, her tact and her humility were a magnetic combination. I loved the involuntary and boisterous way Jen would exclaim - God! You’re joking! No kidding! - whenever you said something that resonated, shocked or surprised her. Delight came easily to Jenny. My partner Richard and I loved the stimulating conversations we had whenever the four of us were together, talking about books and writing, film and art, the state of the world and the joys of retirement. We felt especially blessed when Di and Jen each read their short story writing pieces to us. Gee, they’re good.Jenny could be equally comical and silly, serious and thoughtful. Jen honoured your questions and was rarely evasive, although careful not to offend. She was kind. Within Jenny was a wellspring of empathy. Her instinctive response to the pain of others was evident. And when it came to her own suffering over the last few years, Jen would play down the hardship that she and Di were experiencing. Indeed, Di offered us a lesson in dignity and in how to love in the way she cared for Jen. Di, your devotion and support for Jen was simply magnificent.I’d like to read a poem by Spike Milligan that Jen herself posted on Facebook in March last year. It was rare for Jen to put anything up on her Facebook feed, and this is what she chose to share with her friends. Smiling is infectiousYou catch it like the fluWhen someone smiled at me todayI started smiling tooI walked around the cornerAnd someone saw me grinWhen he smiled I realisedI had passed it on to himI thought about the smileAnd then realised its worthA single smile like mineCould travel round the earthSo if you feel a smile beginDon’t leave it undetectedStart an epidemicAnd get the world infected.Ann: We have been friends with Jenny & Di for around 40 years–a constant friendship we like to think, akin to family. Like in most families we have special names and Jenny was the nicknamer: I am AnnabelleJess is Jessicle Jess met Jenny when she came from New South Wales to join the Hearing Unit at Yarra Valley School in Ringwood, Victoria. The unit office was attached to the Junior School library where Jess was teacher-librarian, so they met over lots of chats about the kids! Jenny very soon became a respected and valued member of the unit and the school, throughout her career keeping abreast with the latest in education for the deaf.Soon after Jenny started at Yarra Valley, Jess mentioned that we lived in Healesville and invited Jenny to drop in anytime she liked if she was visiting that area. Little did we expect that the next weekend we would get a phone call saying that she and Di were in Healesville. We were painting the inside of the house at the time, so quickly downed tools and whipped up some scones which were consumed in the chaos of ladders and drop sheets. With that ‘introduction’ we weren’t sure they’d want to visit again but apparently scones and tea, in this case, were a good cementer of friendship! With much in common and plenty of differences, we found many connections and our friendship grew.Our fabulous camping holidays on the mighty Murray River over many, many Easters were probably the heart of our friendship. These times by the ancient giant river red gums on the sweeping sandy beach of our river-bend were spent well - talking, walking, cooking, looking, eating, reading, swimming, fishing and singing together. They enriched our lives and left us with wonderful memories. We respected Jenny always for her straight and honest view and her direct being-in-the-moment. We will remember her for so many things. Swimming in the sea and the river – any sort of water – her sharing of many life lessons learnt at the Gosford Pool; music and her performances; geology – Jenny’s explanations of land formations wherever we were; story – film, theatre and books – especially her spontaneous emotions shared so audibly while the rest of us read silently; and her own writing – the manuscript she shared with us. And the fun, the rollicking Rolleston humour, Jenny’s energetic good-naturedness! It has been a privilege to be part of Jenny’s life for so long and to be able to share the difficult times. We noticed how all Jenny’s strengths and positivity stayed with her. She buoyed us all up when things often looked pretty down. And we so respect Di’s unwavering love and presence that was constant in supporting Jenny’s acceptance of her difficult health. Both of them together, inspirational and gracious.Jenny’s last letter to her friends is testament to her special traits. Typically, it comforted us. Her words took away a lot of our worry for her; it made us know she knew we loved her and that she was open, in fact curious, about her next interesting journey. There was something Jenny expressed in this letter we felt in awe of but hadn’t quite identified. I read a statement by the Dalai Llama last Friday. He said:I’m just a simple Buddhist monk, but I’m trying to help others lead a happy life, to learn to appreciate what a difference it makes to find peace of mind. That’s my dream. One of my main practices is the cultivation of altruism; it’s what I think about the moment I wake up. Therefore, until my last breath, I will try to help other people find peace of mind.Celebrant: Thank you, Prue and Ann.Finally, we have an email that Robert Adam sent to Di. Robert was one of Jenny’s first students when she began teaching at Yarra Valley and now has a distinguished career in tertiary education in Edinburgh. These are Robert’s words.Dear DiIt feels so strange writing to you after all those years of having known Jenny - 40 years I think - but I am pleased to be able to write to you. I am so glad that Jenny was able to live life to the fullest even when it became difficult.I will always be grateful to Jenny - ‘Rollo’ as we called her - for all she did for me during my school days, first tolerating our ’test the new teacher’ antics with gentle amusement and then becoming a very stalwart friend and supporter, beyond the call of duty. I don’t know if you knew or remember but my mother died when I was at school and between her and Joy they got me through the dark days of such a big loss and I think I can pinpoint my equanimity and acceptance to their pastoral care.She really enjoyed her work. Coming to English classes with me was obviously such a pleasure for her and we would talk for ages about whatever Shakespeare or DH Lawrence ('dirty old man') it was we were doing in English. Her love for musical theatre was greatly evident and she encouraged me (probably more than she should have) to try out for ‘Annie Get Your Gun’ in Year 10 and so I think I have the unlikely distinction of having been in a high school musical. I remember struggling with automotive studies and the concept of changing gears - she popped me behind the steering wheel of her trusty Datsun 180B, and we practised taking off in first gear and changing into second and so on. I don’t actually drive much here in Edinburgh and so whenever I need to hire a car and crunch into second I think of her.Even though YV was an Anglican school some of our teachers (including Jenny and others like Wendy Ward) exposed us to left-wing, liberal, anti-nuclear (it seemed to be very important at that time) and feminist thinking and we were very lucky to be able to discuss these kinds of things with our teachers. I believe that it is the hallmark of a highly competent teacher to be able to pass on critical thinking and not just knowledge about the world.I am so sorry about your loss. I hope you are comforted by happy memories and are being looked after and supported by people around you. I will always remember her fondly.Rest in peace, Jenny.RobertThank you, Robert. Jenny Rolleston was a bright, bubbly, effervescent woman with an outgoing personality. She made an impact on everyone she met and was well known throughout her local community. She had a wonderful sense of humour and loved to laugh, and was eternally positive, never letting anything get her down. Her nieces and nephews adored and looked up to her, just as she doted on them. She lived whole heartedly and loved with every fibre of her being, and she will be sorely missed by all who knew and loved her.We’ve heard lots of words today, and now we are now going to take some time to remember Jenny’s life through pictures. Photos can take us right back to a moment in time, and they may evoke treasured memories in your mind. Watch the pictures, listen to the music, and remember Jenny with love. Photo slideshowVisual Memories Music: Lullaby (Goodnight my Angel), Billy Joel, performed by The Idea of North On behalf of Di, and Jenny’s family, I would like to thank you once again, not only for your presence here today, but also for your acts of support, your expressions of love, and your words of kindness. For those of you here in the chapel, Di would like to invite you to stay and share light refreshments after the service. As you leave the chapel please take a bookmark, designed with love by Ann James, to remember Jenny who saw the awe and wonder of life. The family have asked that anyone who would like to make a donation in Jenny’s memory direct it to the Cancer Council of Australia. The song you will hear at the end of today’s ceremony was recorded by Jenny with Sue and John at home in Mt Martha just two weeks before she died. But before that, a few final words from me.It is worth remembering that sadness comes out of caring, out of loving someone. Sadness then is a measure of love, and therefore, in its way, a kind of privilege. Be grateful for the time you spent with Jenny, for the lessons she taught you. Recall the impact she had on you and all the people in this room and beyond. Hold on tight to your memories, keep talking about her and saying her name, and most importantly, remember her with love as long as you live. Song of Farewell: California Dreaming, performed by Jenny, Sue and John (recorded) Guests leave the chapel ................
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