Junior CC-D 2007 Fall



Junior CC-D 2007 Fall

Language Review (1)

|About grammatical errors— |

| |

|Making grammatical errors is natural in language learning as well as language usage. They can be fun, and even accepted as |

|proper usages. |

|e.g. 1. examples of Yogi-isms a. A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. b. Always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, |

|they won't go to yours. ( ) |

|2. examples of Singlish |

|Gimme lah, can? -- Give it to me, OK? |

|Can! -- Sure! |

|Cannot. -- No way. ( ) |

|Do they matter? |

|Some grammatical errors don’t hurt: your message may still get across, esp. in spoken English (and songs and poetry, etc.). |

|However, in formal occasions and especially in academic writings, they reduce your credibility. |

|A lot of them do. They stop your ideas from getting across, and they mess up your logical thinking—or the two mess up each |

|other. |

|How do I correct them? |

|Daily exposure to English helps, through which you develop a sense of English language and remember some usages naturally. |

|Check! Check! Check! However, as foreign language learners, you also need to check (grammar books, dictionaries, |

|collocation website and—Google!), get proper usages and memorize good ones. Don’t just translate your Chinese into English.|

|Correcting one’s errors can be difficult, but it does not have to be inhibiting. Try to find a balance between |

|self-correction and allowing your ideas to flow. You just need to develop a sense of caution and know when, how and where |

|to check for correct usages. Don’t stick to one expression of one idea. See language as a colorful multi-layered network, |

|in which you try out different routes to produce your own shape and your own meanings. |

| |

|Good luck and enjoy learning! And—don’t forget the final language check!!! ( |

|Kate |

Ref. Correction Symbols and Major Error Types:

Basic Unacceptable Errors

1. [cap][punctuation] (Terence) ref.

Mrs. Dalloway In The Shape Of Clarissa

2. [indirect question] (Terence)

Though he kept emphasizing he really had no idea which knot did he tie [indirect question], Angier was so indignant that he insisted Borden should not be forgiven.

3. [active voice][passive voice] feel released, refreshed, etc. [Tense] in text analysis

4. [Sentence Construction] there are + another verb (Terence)

In the piece of “The day before getting married”, there were three girls appeared★on screen who were all picking their ideal bride cakes.

( In the CF “Before the Wedding,” three women go to the Isabelle’s store to choose their ideal bride cakes.

5. [Sentence Construction] that, which, [wordiness] (Lori)

Cars is a film show the value in old things. […] Following, my analysis to the film will focus on strategies applied in the film. These strategies contribute to the presentation of the values in old things so that the idea of the film can be conveyed to audience.

|( Yours Correction: |

|Cars is a film which shows the value of old things. […] Following, my analysis of the film will focus on strategies that |

|were applied in the film. These strategies contribute to the presentation of the values, so that the idea of the film can be|

|conveyed to audiences. |

( Cars is an animation that shows the value in old things. […] In this paper, I will analyze the strategies used in the film to present and confirm the values in old things such as old cars, small town and heroes of the past.

6. [Sentence Construction]: Run-On & [faulty parallelism] (Diane)

The magazine girl laid on bed[article], her body language tells me that she is not happy. A guy stand there, hands putting on his waist, looking unhappy , too, and close his eyes.

( A girl lies on a couch listlessly and in front of a pile of magazines. A guy stands in his room, (with) his hands on his waist and his eyes closed, looking quite unhappy.

The other problems to fix

7. [redundant] In addition to the messages on the ads, the placements of where they are shown are just as equally important. (Bonnie)

|In addition to the messages on the ads, where they are shown is important. |

In addition to their messages, the ads’ placements are equally important.

8. [Sentence Construction]—focus and fluency (Andy)

On the stage, filled with wooden chairs and tables, two women, with their closed eyes and extended arms, were moving around in a hardship. [word choice] There was a man, pushing over those obstacles in order to avoiding [word choice] the women from getting hurt.

|( Your Correction: |

|On the stage, the platform was filled with wooden chairs and tables, and two women were moving around awkwardly with their |

|closed eyes and extended arms. Meanwhile, a man was pushing over those obstacles in order to protect the women from getting |

|hurt. |

( On the stage which is filled with wooden chairs and tables, two women are moving around with difficulties, their eyes closed and their arms extended. On the side, a man is there pushing away those obstacles in order to prevent the women from getting hurt.

9. Text Analysis: [LOGIC] [evidence] & Interpretation (Phoebe)

|[pic] |The skill of divided frame is applied to |

| |this music video. On screen, a man is |

| |playing his guitar and singing this song |

| |while a girl appears on the streets in New |

| |York City alone. It is like the speaker is |

| |trying to say “Are you thinking of me, |

| |because I am thinking of you at the same |

| |time.” Or, it can be interpreted that the |

| |speaker and Delilah both stands [word |

| |choice] the pain of separation and |

| |loneliness. While Delilah is walking, he |

| |thinks of her. Every time Delilah feels |

| |lonely, the speaker feels that way, too. |

| |They live in the same time, thus, when day |

| |passes, they are going to meet soon |

| |[LOGIC][Sentence Construction] |

|[pic] | |

|[pic] | |

|( Your Correction: |

|It seems like the speaker is trying to say[punctuation] “Are you thinking of me because I am thinking of you at the same |

|time?” Or, its interpretation can be that the speaker and Delilah are both *standing [Tense] the pain of separation and |

|loneliness. While Delilah walks, he thinks of her. Every time when Delilah feels lonely, the speaker feels that way too. Thus |

|they live in the same time, time goes by, they are going to meet soon. [Sentence Construction] |

|*Stand: to successfully accept or bear something which is unpleasant or difficult |

|I can’t stand the heat. Their love stands the test of time. Her makeup will not stand close examination. |

|The music video uses split screen to show the loneliness of the two and how their lives are connected. The screen is mostly |

|divided into three frames. We see on one screen, for instance, the woman’s solitary figure in a subway station in one frame, |

|while in the other two, fragmentary images of the train and the street, suggesting how lonely this woman is walking and |

|commuting in New York. The man is depressed and isolated, too, because on another screen, we see him standing dejectedly in a|

|room with a calendar on the blank wall, while the two small frames show his slightly downcast chin and a gloomy corner of the |

|room. More frequently, we see in the same screen the image of a man’s playing the guitar juxtaposed with images of New York |

|streets, seeming to suggest that they are still connected emotionally and through the songs. |

10. Text Analysis: [quotation][Sentence Construction] & Interpretation (Julia)

In these verses, it is not difficult to see some meaningful delights[word choice] from what the songwriter would like to tell us. [wordiness]For instance, in the 5th verse, “We're the song inside the tune full of beautiful mistakes” mentions that the creator put some mistakes for making each of us unique, instead of being different from others on purpose because we are what we are on earth. Besides, the lyrics also bring up a rule from the phenomenon of the physical world, such as “The sun will always shine to the world, but it will not shine on both sides” to explain why people would suffer from the self-doubting pain.(where?)

|( Yours Correction: |

|In these verses, it is no difficult to see some meaningful encouragement from the songwriter’s assertion. She mentions that |

|the creator have put some “beautiful mistakes” within each of us to make us all to be special. Just like “the tune” would |

|make each song unique the way it is, the “beautiful mistakes” are what make us who we are on earth. Besides, the lyrics also|

|make avail of a nature phenomenon, the sun rise and sunset, to explain why people would suffer from the self-doubting pain. |

|(?) |

|*Avail: (n) use; (v) help, be of use |

|(v) What avails me to oppose them? (v) Such an argument would not avail. |

|(n) To no avail; make avail of our phone services |

( These verses present some positive meanings about human differences. For instance, in the 5th verse, each individual is seen as “the song inside the tune,” and even one’s mistakes are “beautiful.” Also, being eccentric does not mean that one has to always stay in darkness, since bright or dark, “the sun will always shine” and the next day we may be “awake [on] the other side”—i.e. where it shines.

11. Text Analysis: [separate quotation and integrated quote] (Hannah)

We are beautiful in every way. When we truly believe in it, we accept ourselves and we go on to accept each other. Therefore, when Christina sings “And everywhere we go, the sun will always shine, and tomorrow we might awake on the other side,” I believe this is how it truly means.

( If we truly believe that we are beautiful in our own ways, we accept ourselves and then we go on to accept one another. In this way, our lives will be happier and our world, more open: “everywhere we go, the sun will always shine, and tomorrow we might awake on the other side,” possibly the side which accepts individual differences.

12. Text Analysis: [quotation][faulty comparison] [faulty parallelism] (Tina)

However, [Clarissa] is not that perfect as a perfect hostess. From the perspective of Laura Brown, a reader of “Mrs. Dalloway” in the film, Mrs. Dalloway is a woman who sees herself incredibly confident thus everyone considers her to be fine, but she is not actually. In Richard’s eyes, Clarissa, his ex-lover, who is similar to Mrs. Dalloway, always gives party to cover the silence and does not want to face the problems she has.

|( Yours Correction: |

|In this sentence, “However, [Clarissa] is not that perfect as a perfect hostess,” I think the writer wants to express that |

|as a perfect hostess, Clarissa isn’t really a perfect one. So that can be one way to express this idea or it can also be |

|changed into “However, Clarissa is not as perfect as how others think of her.” Since between the two as in the phrase |

|*as….as, there should be put an adjective, and the subjects compared in front and in the back of the former and later as |

|should be noun. |

| |

|And when the writer says that the fake confident image Clarissa created to others fools everyone who thinks her to be a fine|

|lady, s/he jumps to another women who always throws parties to hide her emptiness and run away from her problems. However, I|

|don’t see why this woman is similar to Clarissa’s lack of confidence characteristic. By the way, the two things connected by|

|*“and” should be similar character, same grammar structure, syntactical functions and morphological features (詞性). |

( (to make the comparison clearer and to interpret the quotes more specifically.)

However, [neither the Clarissa in Woolf’s novel nor that in the film] is perfectly self-contented as a perfect hostess. According to Laura Brown, a reader of Mrs. Dalloway in the film, Mrs. Dalloway is a woman who is “incredibly” confident and about to give a party. Everyone considers her to be fine, but she is not actually. In Richard’s eyes, likewise, the Clarissa of the twenty-first century is not fine; she “always gives party to cover the silence” -- the silence about Richard’s impending death and about her own life.

13. Text Analysis: development of ideas (Sonia)

{Note: the commercial is here -- }

Since the old slogan “有7-11真好” gradually becomes old-fashioned and really common among Taiwanese people, also there is a need of promotion for new service in 2007, 7-11 decides to present a new commercial with new conceptive slogan called “Always Open!”. [Sentence Construction] Literally, [word choice] “Always Open!” stands for an always-open mind and enthusiasm for all the customers. Of course it indicates the special 24 opening-hours of 7-11.

( Since the old slogan “Great to have 7-11” (“有7-11真好”) becomes commonplace in Taiwan, and the company needs to promote its new services in 2007, 7-11 decides to present a new commercial with a new slogan, “Always Open!”. Literally, the slogan indicates that 7-11 is “always open”—24/7. Moreover, the open space of the commercial suggests that the stores are wide open to its customers. Finally, with the final catch phrase—This is a space always opening your heart (“這個空間，總是打開你的心”) --the commercial drives its message home, that it wants to grab every target consumer’s heart.

14. Text Analysis: [topic sentence] *[Transition] (avoiding plot summary) (Didier)

As a piano professor of a famous music college, Erika Kohut is one of the high-class but after work, Erika does something which does not fit her status. At the beginning, Erika and her mother attend a family gathering which is pretty much alike a salon. In the gathering, Erika double plays with another musician((plays a piano duet with another musician). In the past, only wealthy and high-rank families held music and art salon like this. So the participants of this gathering must be in the upper class. Therefore, Erika is one of them for sure. When Erika is talking to other guests and Walter Klemmer, her mother is busy with socializing with a man who is showing off his precious violin. At that moment, actually her mother does not pay attention to what that man says. After that, her mother complains about the meaningless showing off. It seems to me, the mother is not a real high-class woman because she absolutely has no interest in musical instrument. She is qualified to enter the gathering just because of her daughter. (So, what has this to do with Erika?)

( As a piano professor of a famous music college, Erika Kohut is one of the upper class, but after work she does something which does not fit her status. One example of her high status is the family gathering she and her mother go to. The gathering is pretty much like a salon, or an art gathering accessible only to upper-class and wealthy people. Erika fits in with her piano skills while her mother does not, revealing the poor background the daughter is born of. For instance, when Erika plays a piano duet with another musician, their performance is well-received. The mother, on the other hand, listens to another man’s bragging about his violin and feels bored; for her, he is merely showing off.

15. Structure: [intro] [wordiness] [punctuation][Tense] (Yuffie)

“Are you watching closely?” In the fall of 2006, an amazing movie which talked about magicians, directed by Christopher Nolan was produced. The structure of the film was based on the 1995 World Fantasy Award-winning novel of the same name, The Prestige, written by Christopher Priest. To the audience, The Prestige was definitely another outstanding work of Nolan, just as Batman Begins (2005) and Insomnia (2002). Moreover, The Prestige was rated 8.4 points on the website IMDb (The Internet Movie Database), which was a very high record. [Gap] The whole story described a complicated relationship between two young men who had interests in becoming great magicians, Robert Angier and Alfred Borden. [Tense]

|( Yours Correction: |

|“Are you watching closely?” In 2006 fall, The Prestige directed by Christopher Nolan, was released. The film was based on |

|the 1995 World Fantasy Award-winning novel of the same title written by Christopher Priest. For the audience, The Prestige |

|is definitely another outstanding work of Nolan after Batman Begins (2005) and Insomnia (2002). It is also graded 8.4 points|

|on the website IMDb (The Internet Mobie Database). What appeals to the audience is the whole story describes the complicated|

|relationship between two young men, Robert Angier and Alfred Borden, who have interests in becoming great magicians. |

( “Are you watching closely?” thus begins The Prestige, a 2006 film about two magicians, based on the 1995 World Fantasy Award-winning novel of the same title( written by Christopher Priest). For the audience, The Prestige is definitely another outstanding work of Christopher Nolan, after Batman Begins (2005) and Insomnia (2002). No wonder the film is given 8.4 (out of 10) points by the users on the website IMDb (The Internet Movie Database). What is worth watching closely, however, is not the feats of magic in the film, but the obsessive rivalry between Robert Angier and Alfred Borden, two young men who have taken great interest in becoming great magicians.

16. Structure: [Conclusion][Sentence Construction] (Jamie)

Bride cake commercials have their own style which is different from most of commercials. They don’t put emphasis on the product but create it a special meaning or impression to their targeted consumers, girls or brides-to-be. This character [word choice] leads choices of consumers to consider not about ★ the product but mainly about the appearance or impression of it which is a special phenomenon among many commercials.

|( Yours Correction: Different from most food commercials, bride cake commercials tend to put the emphasis on the special |

|meaning or impression for their targeted customers, girls, or brides-to-be. This characteristic makes customers care more |

|about the bride cake’s appearance or impression instead of the content. The emphasis on appearance has become a special |

|phenomenon among many other (food?) commercials. |

( Different from most food commercials, bride cake commercials tend to emphasize creating a special meaning or impression for their targeted consumers, women or brides-to-be. This characteristic leads consumers to consider not the content of their chosen product, but mainly its appearance or the impression it makes.

( Different from most other bakery commercials, bride cake commercials tend to emphasize creating a romantic feeling for their targeted consumers, women or brides-to-be. In the beautiful commercial romances, love is eternal and full of promises, while women tend to be beautiful and in need of protection. Supported by such beautiful love and women, moreover, are the over-packaged candies and cookies which, as signs of wealth and luxury, do not guarantee good food, genuine love nor, definitely, environmental sustainability. Do we consumers, then, get mislead to consider not the content of our possible choices, but their appearances and romantic dreams?

17. [LOGIC]: [Transition] (Dennis & Alice)

[1. main idea: Chihiro’s experience in the spirit world of Spirited Away makes her grow up and face the world of human follies with courage and human concern.

2. previous ¶Generally speaking, Chihiro is presented as a typical young girl who sulks over having to move to an unknown small town. Lying idly at the back of the car, she never changes her sullen facial expression. [two good examples]

Her parents, on the other hand, act a bit indifferently to her, asking her to behave herself since they are busy on that day.]

When the family takes the [article] wrong path and reaches a dead end at a red building-like tunnel, Chihiro’s parents decide to go into the tunnel and see what is at the other side. They are adventurous in which [faulty conjunction★] it becomes a contrast to Chihiro who is timid and mouselike. [word choice] She keeps holding her mother’s arm throughout the tour in the tunnel. She is also sensitive and suspicious of new environment. [preposition]When she hears the wind blowing, she thinks that the building is talking. This makes her act more cowardly later in the film.

|( Yours Correction: |

|When the family takes the (X) [article] wrong path and reaches a dead end at a red building-like tunnel, Chihiro’s parents |

|decide to go into the tunnel and see what is at the other side. They are adventurous in which [faulty conjunction★] it |

|becomes a contrast to Chihiro who is timid and mouselike. [word choice] (They are adventurous, but Chiniro is |

|chicken-hearted and mouselike.) She keeps holding her mother’s arm throughout the tour in the tunnel. She is also sensitive |

|and suspicious of new environment. [preposition] (,because she is sensitive and suspicious to this new environment.) When |

|she hears the wind blowing, she thinks that the building is talking. This makes her act more cowardly later in the film. |

| |

|( ¶ Another example of Chihiro’s childishness is her timidity in a new environment, which, however, can be interpreted as |

|her sensitivity as a child. (which shows that she is a sensitive child.) When the family takes a (X) wrong path and reaches |

|a dead end at a red building-like tunnel, Chihiro’s parents decide to go into the tunnel and see what is at the other side. |

|Unlike their adventurousness, Chihiro is timid and afraid, holding her mother’s hand all the way through the tunnel and |

|wanting to go back right away. (and wants to go back as soon as possible / She holds her mother’s hand all the way through |

|the tunnel and wants to go back right away.) As a child, however, she is sensitive to (sensitive with) the weirdness of this|

|new environment. When she hears the wind blowing, she feels that the building is talking. |

( ¶ Another example of Chihiro’s childishness is her timidity in a new environment, which, however, can be interpreted as her sensitivity as a child. When the family takes a wrong path and reaches a dead end at a red building-like tunnel, Chihiro’s parents decide to go into the tunnel and see what is at the other side. Unlike their adventurousness, Chihiro is timid and afraid, holding her mother’s hand all the way through the tunnel and wanting to go back right away. As a child, however, she is sensitive to the weirdness of this new environment. When she hears the wind blowing, she feels that the building is talking.

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