Lesson #2 - Josh Hunt



8 Habits of Effective Small Group Leaders, Lesson #2

Good Questions Have Groups Talking



Habits 3 & 4 Invite and Contact

ACCOUNTABILITY

What three fellowships do we have scheduled for the next three months? Who will invite every member? Who will help invite every prospect? Who will help plan the party?

OPEN

Let’s each share your name one thing you love about your group.

DIG

1. Overview. How many of the 8 habits can you recall?

1. Dream of leading a healthy, growing, multiplying group.

2. Pray for group members daily.

3. Invite new people to visit the group weekly.

4. Contact group members regularly.

5. Prepare for the group meeting.

6. Mentor an apprentice leader.

7. Plan group fellowship activities.

8. Be committed to personal growth.

— Dave Earley. The 8 Habits of Effective Small Group Leaders (Kindle Locations 91-93). Kindle Edition.

2. We want to start talking about inviting. Who has a story? Who invited you to this church? How often do you ever get invited to anyone’s church?

William B. is a twenty-three-year-old African-American with little church background. His grandmother, when asked by William what she wanted for her birthday, said simply, “I want you to go to church with me next Sunday.” Reluctantly and seemingly trapped, William agreed.

William was pleasantly surprised. The Memphis-area Baptist church was alive with the hearty singing of black gospel music. The pastor was a great communicator who seemed to know how to speak to the African-American male. He pulled no punches on issues of sin, responsibility, and commitment.

No one had to invite William back to church, although several did. He asked his grandmother questions about God, Christ, and the gospel, and she patiently explained to him how he could become a Christian. He then became involved in various church ministries and programs.

“I just didn’t know what I was missing,” said William. “I can’t understand why Christians aren’t beating down doors to share the gospel. Why didn’t someone tell me about Jesus before I turned twenty-three?”

William B. is not the stereotypical unchurched person conveyed in books and at conferences. He prefers black gospel music. He is challenged by direct and confrontational preaching, and sermons of an hour in length do not bother him. In fact, many of the unchurched “rules” were broken by the Memphis church when William visited the first time. But he loved every minute of it, and he returned. — Rainer, Thom S. (2009). Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them (Kindle Locations 516-528). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

3. What does Earley mean in quoting McGavran: “Relationships are the bridges of God”?

PEOPLE LIKE TO become Christians without crossing racial, linguistic, or class barriers. This principle states an undeniable fact. Human beings do build barriers around their own societies. More exactly we may say that the ways in which each society lives and speaks, dresses and works, of necessity set it off from other societies. The world's population is a mosaic, and each piece has a separate life of its own that seems strange and often unlovely to men and women of other pieces. — Donald Anderson McGavran. Understanding Church Growth (Kindle Locations 2036-2038). Kindle Edition.

4. Why is inviting so important? How would you describe it to a new group leader?

VERY HUMAN SOCIETY is like a town on one side of a river over which at convenient places bridges have been built. Citizens can cross the river at other places, but it is much easier to go across the bridges. People near the bridges are better connected than those far from them. Ideas, foodstuffs, processions, and convictions flow to and fro across the bridges.

As those involved in world evangelization administer for church growth, they ought to discover and use these bridges to the unreached. Good stewards of the grace of God should remember the bridges and stream across them. "Find the bridges and use them" is excellent strategy for all who are impelled by the Holy Spirit to share the good news.

During the years of research that led to writing The Bridges of God I was constantly impressed by the crucial role played in the expansion of the Christian faith by the relatives of Christians. Again and again I observed that though Christians are surrounded by thousands of fellow citizens, the Christian faith flows best from relative to relative or close friend to close friend. This was true whatever the nationality or language. It was as true in the heartland of America as in Uganda or the High Andes. — Donald Anderson McGavran. Understanding Church Growth (Kindle Locations 3126-3133). Kindle Edition.

5. Do you think there are people who live in America that no one has ever invited to church?

Marion W. of Indianapolis was different than most of those we interviewed. She was a senior adult (seventy years old) when she became a Christian. Rarely did we speak to a formerly unchurched person over fifty years old.

While many of the people described thus far named multiple factors that led them to Christ and to the church, Marion’s explanation was simple: her niece invited her to an Easter presentation at a Presbyterian church. The gospel was presented, and she accepted Christ, joined the church, and is very active in the church two years later at age seventy-two.

When we asked Marion what she liked about her church, Marion listed numerous factors. “The worship services are so exciting, the pastor is a great preacher, and the people are so friendly,” she gushed. But when we asked her why she went to church in the first place, her answer was simple, “My niece invited me.” Then she followed with a simple but profound question: “No one ever invited me to church before. Why is that?” — Rainer, Thom S. (2009). Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them (Kindle Locations 1209-1218). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

6. Make a list of 5 or 10 people that you know. Can you imagine there are any of those that no one has ever invited to church?

But the second reason for their not attending church takes us back to the fourth surprise. Most of the unchurched have never been invited to church. And most of them would attend if invited. If you choose to close the book at this point and read no more, I pray that my point has been made. Invite an unchurched person to church!

The next obvious question is: Are Christians inviting nonChristians to church? The heartbreaking answer is no. Only 21 percent of active churchgoers invite anyone to church in the course of a year. But only 2 percent of church members invite an unchurched person to church. Perhaps the evangelistic apathy so evident in many of our churches can be explained by a simple laziness on the part of church members in inviting others to church. — Rainer, Thom S. (2009). The Unchurched Next Door: Understanding Faith Stages as Keys to Sharing Your Faith. Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

7. Why do you think people don’t invite people to church more often than they do?

Other leaders told us that an attitude of excellence engenders an atmosphere of excitement, which in turn encourages church members to invite their friends. A Southern Baptist deacon in Georgia told us, “For over twenty years we would never see more than two or three visitors a week, even though we held an average attendance over three hundred during these years.” But those years, he said, preceded the arrival of Denzil T., the church’s current pastor.

The deacon continued: “When Denzil came, he started emphasizing excellence in all things. In music, in our buildings, in our programs, in our grounds—you name it. He said that if we couldn’t do something excellent for God, then we shouldn’t do it at all.” For the next several months, the attitude of excellence began to take hold in the church. The facilities started looking nicer. Someone volunteered to landscape the grounds. The musicians in the church became enthused about improving their ministries. This new attitude in turn excited the once struggling congregation. The deacon explained: “You know what I did for the first time in years? I invited my neighbor to church. I guess I was never really too excited about the church before now.” — Rainer, Thom S. (2009). Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them (Kindle Locations 2421-2430). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

8. What causes people to want to invite people to church? What motivates you to invite people to church?

“You’ll never go into a church that’s reaching people,” the Evangelical Free Church pastor told us, “unless there’s a lot of joy and enthusiasm present. It feeds on itself. A joyous church motivates people to invite the unchurched. And when the unchurched are reached, the joy grows. It’s a great cycle!”

The obvious question, of course, is how the cycle ever begins. Different leaders offered different insights.

• “It begins when the pastor becomes personally evangelistic.”

• “In our church the right atmosphere was created after we got serious about prayer.”

• “When I [the pastor] spend enough time in sermon preparation, God seems to honor the worship services with his presence.”

• “If you provide ways for people to grow as Christians, they will be more joyous.” — Rainer, Thom S. (2009). Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them (Kindle Locations 2503-2510). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

9. How open do you imagine the unchurched are to an invitation to attend church?

Ninety-six percent of the unchurched are at least somewhat likely to attend church if they are invited. Perhaps we need to pause on this response. Perhaps we need to restate it. More than nine out of 10 of the unchurched said they would come to church if they were invited. If you glean anything from this article, please remember this point.

We estimate that 160 million people in the United States are unchurched if we define unchurched as attending church two or less times in a year. If our research is close to accurate, the implications are staggering, Over 153 million people would start attending church if they were invited!

What constitutes an invitation? For many of the unchurched, it was a simple invitation to come to one's church. For others, it was an invitation that included an offer to meet someone at church to show them around or walk them in the building. In either case, the process was pretty basic. If we invite them, they will come.

We who are leaders in the church must challenge the church members. When is the last time they invited an unchurched person to church? When is the last time they offered to meet someone and show him or her around the church?

The next obvious question is: Are Christians inviting non-Christians to church? The heartbreaking answer is "no." Only 21 percent of active churchgoers invite anyone to church in the course of a year. But only 2 percent of the church members invited an unchurched person to church. Perhaps the evangelistic apathy so evident in many of our churches can be explained by a simple laziness on the part of church members in inviting others to church.

10. What categories of people does Earley encourage us to invite? Who are to think about when we think about inviting?

In 1979 George Hunter wrote: A strategic American church will continually work to locate and reach out to kinsmen, and especially to the friends of active Christians and new converts. The church will also encourage its members to make new friends in the community continually. People are more receptive when they are approached by authentic Christians from within their own social network (1979:126). — Donald Anderson McGavran. Understanding Church Growth (Kindle Locations 3137-3139). Kindle Edition.

11. What could we do as leaders to encourage our people to invite?

Have a party once a month. Do something so fun. Do something so fun people can’t keep from inviting their friends. Invite every member. People who come all the time and people who don’t. Invite every prospect. Keep a list. Text them. Call them. Facebook them. Do it every month.

12. How many times should you invite people before you are just being a pest?

Sometimes you will offer and offer and offer and offer and people won’t respond for a long time. Keep offering. One time, I had offered and offered and offered. Maybe a dozen times. They always had a nice tone and seemed interested, but they didn’t come. I kept offering. After a while, it occurred to me that I might be misreading their tone. They might not be the least bit interested but are just too polite to say anything. I am a believer in English language sentences as a primary means of communication. Some people are into subtleties of body language and tone and hints; I am more into English language sentences. Perhaps it is the writer in me.

So I said to them, “Say, I have invited you guys to a number of things, and you always sound interested but you never come. It occurs to me I may be misreading you. If you are not interested, just let me know and I will quit calling.” “Oh no, we love to turn you down! Keep right on calling.” I don’t remember about that couple, but I know that with some couples, they turned me down a half a dozen times or more, but later got very involved in the church.

I asked this one guy about this later. “What took you guys so long to come around? What took you guys so long to respond?” “You know,” he reflected, “Every time you would call I would turn to my wife and say, ‘That is Josh again. They have a pizza party coming up. We really should get involved one of these days.’” Get involved. Not come to pizza. Get involved. He understood I was not inviting him to pizza, I was inviting him to be in the church. I was inviting him to be a part of community. I was inviting him to be my friend. He wasn’t quite ready.

Rick Warren says it takes 18 miles in the open ocean to turn an oil tanker around. Eighteen miles. It takes a long time to turn some lives around, too. Andy Stanley is fond of saying, “Think steps, not programs.” Step one was to show up at church. He had to get comfortable with that step before he was ready to go onto step two. After a few months, he did respond to an invitation to come to a party. He accepted the offer. A little while after that, he came to class. Then, he started to attend class regularly. Then he got really involved–reading his Bible, getting in discipleship groups, discovering his spiritual gifts and so forth. But, one step at a time.

Some churches have what I like to call a “pounce strategy” for handling visitors. They pounce on them as soon as they visit. “Seven touches in seven days,” that is the motto of some churches. A call today, an email tomorrow, a visit the next day, a pastoral contact, a Sunday School contact, a card, and so forth. Great. That is all well and good. Nothing wrong with that strategy, unless you come off as desperate for members, like a guy who tries too hard to get a date. Still, not a bad strategy and better than the more common strategy of ignoring visitors.

If we don’t have a strategy for personally contacting visitors over the next year, we will miss out on an opportunity to impact their lives. The question is, what do you do the second week and the second month and the sixth month? The vast majority of churches have no strategy whatsoever for contacting visitors after the first week or two. But, it takes 18 miles in the open ocean to turn an oil tanker around. And it takes a long time to turn a life around. If we don’t have a strategy for personally (underline that last word, will you?) contacting visitors over the next year, we will miss out on an opportunity to impact their lives. — Josh Hunt, Give Friday Nights to Jesus.

Contact people regularly

13. What is your current practice in terms of contacting? Who do you and your group regularly contact?

The weekly attendance in your class is greatly influenced by the number of contacts that are made by the class or group members. Encourage every member of your class to make contacts each week by inviting people and ministering to one another spontaneously as well as through organized means. Ask members to write down or share the number of contacts made in the previous week and add the total together. You will begin to notice that attendance is higher when contacts are greater and attendance is lower when contacts are fewer. Try it for ten or twelve weeks and you will see for yourself. I challenged a church where I served as interim pastor to aim for three hundred contacts in one week. The goal was to attempt to contact and invite every member and every prospect three times in one week to attend Sunday school the following week. The Sunday school average attendance was sixty-five. The congregation was thrilled to see more than one hundred in attendance the Sunday following the week of contact emphasis. Why did almost forty extra people show up for Bible study? The answer is because so many more people were contacted, invited, and ministered to that particular week. I led the congregation to begin tracking contacts, and it became obvious that weekly attendance was influenced by the number of contacts made each week. You have to teach your class, spend time in your class, and lead your class to utilize the contact tool if you want to keep all of the members connected. — Steve Parr. Sunday School That Really Works: A Strategy for Connecting Congregations and Communities (pp. 156-157). Kindle Edition.

14. What bad things happen if we don’t contact our folks?

I have a letter that is a harsh reminder of that fact. The opening line is seared into my mind. “After much prayer and soul searching, this letter is to inform Saddleback of our family’s decision to leave as members of the church.” The letter was sent directly to Pastor Rick, but my boss and I had also been copied. I had not been on staff long, but it still wounded like a knife to the heart. “We have had virtually no contact with anyone from the church regarding our small group in the five years we have been leading it. We have felt detached from the church as leaders.” I had two choices at that point. I could have thought, I haven’t been on staff that long, so this is someone else’s problem. Or I could see this as an example of what happens when we fail to have an intentional strategy to connect and support people and do my best to ensure that it never happened again. I chose the latter, and that letter sat on my desk for years as a reminder. It is now in my conference notebook where I keep all of my notes for my conference lectures. I read from it as part of my presentation to other small group point people. It is still humbling and painful to read, but it is an important part of my journey as a leader and a reminder of what I never want sent to me again! — Gladen, Steve M. (2011). Small Groups with Purpose (Kindle Locations 408-417). Baker Books. Kindle Edition.

15. How often would you guess the average group leader contacts the people in his or her group?

The survey also asked the cell leaders: "As the leader of the cell group, how many times per month do you contact the members of your group?" More than 700 responses provided these results: 25 percent, one to two times per month; 33 percent, three to four; 19 percent, five to seven; and 23 percent, eight or more. That's right: 23 percent of the cell leaders in this study visit their cell members eight or more times per month. As might be expected, leaders who visit cell members more often multiply the cell group more times. A personal visit demonstrates the pastoral care of the cell leader and often converts cell members into cell workers. — Comiskey, Joel. Home Cell Group Explosion: How Your Small Group Can Grow and Multiply [With Study Guide] (Kindle Locations 532-536). Kindle Edition.

16. Other than our own members who can we contact?

My family and I were part of our second small group When I realized there were other LifePoint attendees who lived in my subdivision. We talked together about hosting a neighborhood fireworks show, since each of us knew of neighbors who’d spent a lot of money on fireworks the previous Fourth of July but seemed to shoot them almost as a competition. We contacted these neighbors and asked if they would be willing to combine their fireworks for a massive subdivision show. They all agreed and on the fourth we threw a big cookout party with a bonfire and fireworks. Before the fireworks started, people were introducing themselves and telling where they lived. As I made my way through the large crowd, I listened for any sign of or lack of spiritual conversation or words.

A few of the neighbors knew I was on staff at LifePoint; they made a point of introducing me to other families who had revealed that they attended LifePoint. I met twelve families that night who seemed open to the idea of attending a cookout at my house in a couple of weeks. I told them that the cookout was to discuss maybe having a Bible study at my house. Eight of those families showed up for the cookout, and seven of them committed to attending a six-week discussion/study on parenting. I found it very interesting that only four of these families actually attend a church. So there we were starting a neighborhood small group — and half the group was unchurched.

We were a group for a little over six months. At some point we discussed other subdivision residents we had befriended over the last few months. Wondering if they would be interested in being in a small group, one of the couples in our group hosted an open house and each of us invited more neighbors. Within a few months we had two small groups meeting in our subdivision. — Mosley, Eddie (2011). Connecting in Communities: Understanding the Dynamics of Small Groups (Kindle Locations 339-353). Navpress. Kindle Edition.

17. What are we to do when we contact?

I thought these suggestions were great:

Ask them, "How may I pray for you?"

I have found asking people how to pray for them is one of the most valuable things I can do. This simple question unlocks the doors of their hearts. This is especially true when they know that you are listening carefully and will pray for them. People will share their deepest problems and greatest concerns with you.

Ask them, "What do you want God to do about this?"

I used to pray for people how I wanted to pray for them. Now, I ask what they want prayer for. This is important. Once, a lady asked me to pray for her mother who was very sick. I would have prayed for God to intervene and heal her, but that is not what the daughter wanted. She wanted God to take her mother home quickly and without any more pain because her mother was a Christian and had suffered greatly. Asking what they want God to do helps you get to the heart of the matter. It helps you be on the same page so you can agree in prayer with them.

Then say, "Let's pray right now."

I used to tell people I would pray for them, and then I would forget. Now I pray for them right after they tell me their need, even if it is over the phone or in the lobby of the church. I have learned to `strike while the iron is hot' by immediately taking the need to God. I recently spoke with one of my small group leaders whose 85 year-old father is dying. At the end of our conversation, I prayed aloud for him, his father, and his family. He was choking back tears as we concluded the prayer. He thanked me and told me he was so glad to be in a church where he was loved. Many times I have sensed the inrush of God's Spirit when I paused to pray aloud for someone's request. Hundreds of times, I have seen them wipe tears off their cheeks when I have finished. A simple prayer can draw us wonderfully near to God and each other.

Now ask, "Do you want to pray?"

If they are reluctant, do not push them to pray. If they tell me they don't want to pray, or if their silence tells me they do not want to, I usually say, "That's okay. You don't have to. God knows your heart. Maybe next time." But often they do appreciate the opportunity to express for themselves their need to God and their gratitude for your caring enough to pray. It also gives you added insight in their need and their prayer lives. — Dave Earley. The 8 Habits of Effective Small Group Leaders (Kindle Locations 432-440). Kindle Edition.

18. How do you think our church would be different if every group did this on a regular basis?

Like you, I love to wrap up a message with an emotionally charged story that punctuates the main point in a way that leaves the audience gasping for breath and reaching for their Kleenex. And every once in a while God graces us with those closing illustrations. But for the other fifty-one weeks of the year we need something else. That’s where WE comes in.

This final component of the message is an opportunity for you to rejoin your audience as you did in the beginning of the message when you circled up around your shared frailty, questions, misgivings or temptations. WE is really about vision casting. It is a moment of inspiration. It is the point in the message when you paint a verbal picture of what could be and should be. In this closing moment you call upon your audience to imagine what the church, the community, families, maybe even the world would be like if Christians everywhere embraced your one idea.

Imagine a church where “love one another” was the theme rather than a memory verse for children. Imagine a community dotted with homes where husbands really loved their wives like Christ loved the church. Imagine what would happen in culture if thousands of teenagers abandoned the lie that purity was optional and basically irrelevant. Imagine what could happen in one week if everybody here treated everybody they came into contact with like someone for whom Christ died. Imagine what would happen if for three months we all managed our money as if everything really belongs to God.

This is where you come out from behind whatever it is you preach from and stand off to the side of the stage, as close as you can get to the lip of the stage and dream out loud. Dream on behalf of your church families, singles, kids, churches, the kingdom. This is when you remind your audience that the Scriptures were given not just as a means of making our individual lives better. They were given so that as a body, corporately, we could shine like a beacon of hope in our communities, our neighborhoods, and in the marketplace. — Imagine what WE could do together. — Communicating for a Change: Seven Keys to Irresistible Communication (Andy Stanley and Lane Jones)

19. Practically, how could we work contacting and praying into our busy lives?

This is actually talking about coaches contacting teachers, but I thought the idea was helpful:

One way we have helped coaches focus on ministry and story discovery is creating our slogan, “Two minutes a day and pray on the way.” This is a challenge for every coach to call a small-group leader on the way home from work for a two-minute conversation. The relationship between the coach and the small-group leader grows naturally through conversation. The coach might learn what issues the small group is dealing with and how to pray for the group. The coach also is giving the opportunity for the leader to ask questions and get advice on leading the group.

The slogan also reminds coaches to pray for one of their leaders every day on the way to work. This keeps the leaders on the coach’s mind all day and it demonstrates care for the leaders. — Mosley, Eddie (2011). Connecting in Communities: Understanding the Dynamics of Small Groups (Kindle Locations 1107-1113). Navpress. Kindle Edition.

20. What plan for contacting could you see yourself embracing?

We started New Life Church in my basement with 11 adults. The church grew to 100 people worshipping each week in six months and to over 200 in 18 months. During those first 18 months, I called almost every family every week. I spend a few evenings a week and Saturday afternoon making five-minute phone calls until the church got to an average attendance over 200. Then the five members of our leadership team divided the calling between us. We found that the principle of contacting was huge for us, and it's no different for your small group. — Dave Earley;Rod Dempsey. The Pocket Guide to Leading a Small Group: 52 Ways to Help You and Your Small Group Grow (Kindle Locations 962-965). Kindle Edition.

21. What impressed you about today’s discussion?

Note: If you enjoyed this lesson format, I would invite you to try Good Questions Have Groups Talking. I write 4 new lessons each week that correspond with Lifeway’s lessons, as well as the International Standard Series. They can be used supplementally or stand-alone. Each lesson is similar that this one, with 20 or so ready-to-use questions and answers from leading experts on the subject. Good Questions are available on a sliding scale basis that is affordable for any size church. See for more information.

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