“NARRITIVE TEXT”



Pokebattles

FLARE VERSION

Fighting for Justice… or something more..?

Written By: rpGamer



“NARRITIVE TEXT”

!!!GOD!!!

Person's text

Flare Version Season 1: Kanto Plot

BATTLE #1, NEW START

Location: OUTSIDE OAK's LAB

Player: RIKKS [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: CHARMANDER)

“VIKKS: Come on, RIKKS I'll take you on!”

Ok... I'll guess I have to use the Charmander I got from PROF. OAK to beat you!

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

“VIKKS sent out SQUIRTLE!”

“Enemy SQUIRTLE used SQUIRT!”

“Enemy SQUIRTLE SQUIRTS ONION JUICE at YOU!”

That is... odd... Charmander, use your attack!

“CHARMANDER used ATTACK!”

“It's not very effective...”

Darn...

“It's a one hit KO!”

Wa?

“Enemy Squirtle fainted!”

Yay! That was easy!

“CHARMANDER gained -8000 EXP!”

NEGITIVE EXP?

“CHARMANDER decreased to LEVEL –5”

WHAT? He went down TEN levels?! BY WINNING?! I don't like this version very much...

“What? CHARMANDER is devolving!”

This cannot be good...

“CHARMANDER devolved into CHARCOAL!”

Ahh!!! It's just... a black... rock! Noooo!!!

“NO! RIKKS cannot READ! IT is indeed CHARCOAL!”

Dang this....

“DANG used THIS! DANG says it is THIS!”

Uhh.. no....

“DANG... Oh well...”

“VIKKS: Darn! I picked the wrong Pokemon! I’ll fight to toughen it up! RIKKS! Gramps! I’ll smell ya later!”

“VIKKS left!”

“Wild BILLGATESAMON appeared!”

GREAT! NOW I CAN CATCH A POKEMON! GoOoOoOoOoOo, CHARMAN-- err... CHARCOAL!

“The enemy is a evil man who ruined the good name of PC's get'm, CHARCOAL!”

“Enemy BILLGATESAMON used WINDOWS! CHARCOAL is confused!”

Noooo!

“CHARCOAL hurt itself in it's confusion!”

Dang it....

“Enemy BILLGATESAMON used X-BOX! Giant BOX with an X on it appeared!”

Umm... ok...

“BILLGATESAMON withdrew BILLGATESAMON! BILLGATESAMON sent out X-BOX!”

Hurry, before it can attack, used CHARDUST!

“CHARCOAL used CHARDUST! Enemy X-BOX is Dust. Enemy X-BOX fainted!”

“CHARCOAL received 2 EXP!”

Finally... positive EXP...

“BILLGATESAMON sent out BILLGATESAMON”

“BILLGATESAMON says if he can defeat it without the help of your Pokemon, you may catch it and it's X-Box!”

Ok, then come back CHARCOAL! I'll kill you...myself!

“Come back, CHARCOAL!”

“Go, RIKKS!”

I'll punch!

“RIKKS used PUNCH!”

“RIKKS punched himself!”

O.. I meant punch Bill Gates!

“BILLGATESAMON! Not BILLGATES!”

Ok... whatever!

“BILLGATESAMON used MS DOS! BILLGATESAMON confused itself!”

Oh, goodie!

“BILLGATESAMON fainted in its confusion!”

“You gained 700 EXP! You grew to level 2! What RIKKS is evolving?”

I am?

“RIKKS evolved into RIKKSALOT!”

Great...

“You caught a BILLGATESAMON and a X-BOX!”

“Give a NICKNAME to the Pokemon you just caught?”

Yes.. BILLGATESAMON is too long... Change it to just Bill Gates!

“BILLGATESAMON was renamed BILLGATES!”

Good... I win!

"BATTLE used END"

“NARRITIVE TEXT”

Person's text

BATTLE #2, RIVAL'S TRAINING

Location: NORTH OF VIRIDIAN CITY

Player: VIKKS [record: 0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE)

Dang it! I can't belive that Rikks beat me!

"VIKKS is a SORE LOSER!"

Well... I can't brake my promise now! I will fight to toughen it up! Hahahahaha!

"CHRIS appeared!"

Woh, is that a Pokemon, or what? I'll just use my Pokedex here...

"POKeDEX: This is a famous Trainer who acts like a Pokemon in many ways."

Ok... I want to fight

"..."

Why can't I ever start a fight?

"CHRIS wants to fight!"

See what I mean?

"CHRIS sent out HISMOM!"

That is... the scariest looking Pokemon I ever saw... Um... Goooo, Squirtle!

"Go, SQUIRTLE!"

Use your Squirt attack!

"SQUIRLTE used SQUIRT! SQUIRLTE SQUIRTED ORANGE JUICE in Enemy HISMOM's EYES!"

Yes!

"Enemy HISMOM's RAGE is greatly building!"

Oh no...

"Enemy HISMOM used SING!"

Nooo! Don't put SQUIRTLE to sleep!

"SQUIRLTE fainted of a HORRIBLE SONG! Use next Pokemon?"

Dang... I'll fight it myself than!

"The enemy's ugly, Get'm VIKKS!"

Ok, I'll use my DEVOLVE ATTACK!

"NARRATOR didn't KNOW you had THAT ATTACK!"

Well I do... did it work?!

"VIKKS used DEVOLVE on Enemy HISMOM!"

"Enemy HISMOM devolved into Enemy FRENCHWHORE!"

Ahh... now I'll just finish it off with FURY PUNCH!

"VIKKS used FURY PUNCH!"

"Hit 7 times!"

Wow, that's the most times it ever did...

"Enemy FRENCHWHORE fainted!"

"VIKKS gained 10 EXP!"

I won!

"VIKKS didn't WIN!"

I didn't?

"CHRIS has two POKeMON!"

Oh...

"CHRIS sent out BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON!"

Isn't that a Yu-gi-oh card?

"Enemy BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON used WHITE LIGHTNING!"

Uh-oh...

"VIKKS fainted."

"YUGI appeared. YUGI sent out DARKMAGICIAN!"

Hey, Yugi, ya know, could ya help me?

"YUGI says SURE!"

"Ally DARKMAGICIAN used DARK MAGIC ATTACK on BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON"

"BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON hardly felt DARK MAGIC!"

Darn...

"VIKKS is FAINTED! HE shouldn't be TALKING!"

oh...

Player: YUGI [No record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: DARKMAGICIAN, SUMMONEDSKULL, GAIAKNIGHT, KURIBO)

How could DARK MAGIC ATTACK fail? Darn...

"Enemy BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON used WHITE LIGHTNING!"

"DARKMAGICIAN fainted, Use next Pokemon?"

Ahh... I'm out of here!

"YUGI ran away!"

"CHRIS wins!"

"YUGI forgot to RETURN DARKMAGICIAN!"

I did?! Go back!

"ITS too LATE! DARKMAGICIAN was caught by CHRIS!"

Nooo....

Player: CHRIS [record: 2-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: DARKMAGICIAN, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, FRENCHWHORE)

Hahaha... with my lineup, I'm invincible!

"YOU are not INVINCEABLE!"

Well... soon I will be... soon I will!

"GATEGAURDIAN appeared!"

Ahhhh!!!!

"CHRIS ran away!"

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE #3, FIND BROCK!

Location: PEWTER CITY

Player: RIKKSALOT [2-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: CHARCOAL, X-BOX, BILLGATES)

Hmm... Well... It looks like a fine day in Pewter City... Well I better get on to the gym. The one in Viridian was locked, so hopefully this one isn't.

"RIKKSALOT got on the BIKE!"

"RIKKSALOT is now next to GYM!"

Ok... Now to open the door...

"RIKKSALOT used OPEN!"

"It's super effective!"

"DOOR fainted!"

How does a door 'faint?'

"NO IDEA!"

"DOOR OPENED!"

Bah, whatever... Now to walk into the gym...

"HIKER appeared!"

Nooo! Blast these dang other trainers in gyms!

"HIKER says it is the only one and should use 'trainers' as a plural word!"

Whatever... Gooo! Bill Gates!

"OAK: RIKKSALOT! It's not the time to use that!"

Why not? Oh... the HIKER didnt 'want to fight' yet... ok...

"HIKER wants to fight!"

"HIKER sent out SANDSHREW"

Ok! Good! Now can I use BILL GATES?

"YES!"

Ok... Goooo Bill---

"Go, CHARCOAL!"

What? No I wanted to use Bill Gates!

"CHARCOAL was on the FRONT of your LINEUP!"

"NARRATOR says you should READ TRAINER TIPS more OFTEN!"

Ugh.. fine... Charcoal use your Char attack!

"CHARCOAL uses CHAR! Enemy SANDSHREW was DEMENTED!"

Yes! Just like my Charmander!

"YES! SANDSHREW morphed into SANDSCREW!"

"HIKER is ANGRY!"

"HIKER says that you ruined his SANDSHREW, and must DIE!"

Umm... CHARCOAL use dust!

"CHARCOAL used DUST! Enemy SANDSCREW turned to dust!"

"Enemy SANDSCREW died!"

Woh.. it 'died?' I thought Pokemon only fainted... bah... forget it...

"HIKER is angry!"

What else is new?

"HIKER sent out HIKER!"

Ok... Charcoal come back! Goooo Bill Gates!

"Return, CHARCOAL!"

"Get'm BILLGATES!"

Ok, use your WINDOWS attack!"

"BILLGATES used WINDOWS!"

"BILLGATES confused itself and Enemy HIKER!"

"BILLGATES died in it's confusion!"

Ahha good!!! THAT INFERNAL BASTARD BILL GATES IS DEAD!

"HIKER died in it's confusion!"

Sinse when is HIKER an it? What ever, I win!

"BILLGATES was renamed UNDEADGATES!"

Nooo... ugh... return... Now to find Brock...

"BATTLE #4! BROCK BATTLE!"

No! Wait! I want to battle NOW!

"YOU must WAIT!"

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE #4, FIRST GYM!

Location: PALLET TOWN

Player: RIKKSMOM [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Dumm da da da dee... Deee da da da dum!

"RIKKSMOM is HUMMING to HERSELF!"

Yes I am!

"NARRATOR REMINDS RIKKSMOM that RIKKSALOT's first GYM BATTLE will be held in PEWTER soon!"

It is? Why... it's only Battle 4! {sniff sniff} My little boy... growing up...

"YOU should GO!"

"OAK: I know! You need your own POKeMON for protection! At my old age, I only have one left! But you can have it! Take it!"

Wow... thank you professor...

"RIKKSMOM got BULBASAUR!"

"Give a nickname to the BULBASAUR your received?"

Yes... call it POWDER puff!

"THAT name is BAD!"

I know, but just name it already!

"BULBASAUR was named POWDERPUFF!"

"MEANWHILE..."

Location: PEWTER CITY GYM

Player: RIKKSALOT [record: 3-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, CHARCOAL, X-BOX)

Umm... Hello? Brock?

"OLDMAN appeared!"

Darn, I thought there was only ONE other trainer in the gym!

"OLDMAN says he is GYMLEADER!"

You're not Brock... Brock isn't THAT old...

"OLDMAN was renamed BROCKSDAD"

Oh ya... Brock went with that Ash kid... I forgot about that...

"BROCKSDAD wants to fight!"

"OFFICAL GYM BATTLE STARTS!"

"RIKKSMOM appeared!"

MOM? What the HECK are you doing here?!

"RIKKSMOM said she came to WATCH and that PROF. OAK gave here a BULBASAUR!"

Umm... well ok then...

"BROCKSDAD sent out GEOCITIES!"

WHAT? Isn't that the devolved version of Geodude from the Red Version?

"YES!"

Oh... Well... Gooooooooo X-B...

"Go! CHARCOAL!"

Darn... I forgot about that first in lineup thing... oh well... use your dust attack!

"Enemy GEOCITIES gets the first MOVE!"

Oh...

"Enemy GEOCITIES used WEB PAGE!"

"CHARCOAL used the PC! Opened and made a website!"

Ummm... that's nice...

"CHARCOAL created the RUBY VERSION!"

Ohh.... in that case... use your RUBY ATTACK!

"RUBYVER used RUBY ATTACK!"

"Enemy GEOCITIES was hit with lots of RUBYS!"

"Enemy GEOCITIES sold them for 1,000,000 Yen a piece! Enemy GEOCITIES is rich!"

WHAT? Noooo...

"Enemy Geocities fainted!"

YES!

"You got a RUBYVER!"

YES! IS THAT A RARE POKeMON? POKeDEX, GO!

"POKeDEX used GO!"

No... not litterally...

"POKeDEX went AWAY!"

Darn it! Mom give me yours!

"RIKKSMOM gave the POKeDEX!"

"POKeDEX: A rare pokemon that kills people who are dumb enough to ask thier parents for a POKeDEX."

Uh oh... RETURN!

"RIKKSALOT withdrew RUBYVER"

Whew... OK GYMLEADER gimme the BADGE!

"You got the WEBSITEBADGE!"

Yes!

"VIKKS appeared!"

"VIKKS wants to fight..."

Ok! Let's go!

"...BROKSDAD for the GYM BADGE!"

Oh... Well I'll just leave...

"RIKKSMOM doesnt know how to get HOME!"

"RIKKSMOM wishes to AID YOU on YOUR POKeMON QUEST!"

Bah, whatever, join up...

"RIKKSMOM joined your party!"

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE 5, CHRIS ENCOUNTER

Location: East of Pewter City

Player: RIKKSALOT [record: 4-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: CHARCOAL, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX, RUBYVER)

"RIKKSALOT is walking EAST!"

"CHRIS appeared!"

"CHRIS wants to fight!"

I accept, errr.. I dunno...

"CHRIS says I will FIGHT you no MATTER WHAT! I am a MANIAC!"

Yes, we noticed...

"CHRIS says if you don't BATTLE, he will KILL your POKeMON!"

I will win, easy!

"CHRIS sent out FRENCHWHORE!"

Woh, the Pokemon looks just like him!

"CHRIS is INSULTED!"

Like anyone cares...

"RIKKSALOT will AUTO LOSE unless HE sends out a POKeMON!"

Gooo... Char---

"X-BOX is now in front of LINEUP!"

"Goo, X-BOX!"

X-BOX use X attack!

"X-BOX went to an X rated movie!"

"X-BOX will come back in 2 1/2 hours!"

"X-BOX is gone, use next Pokemon?"

Charcoal!

"The enemy is the uglyest thing on the planet, Get'm Charcoal!"

"Enemy FRENCHWHORE used SCREAM!"

"Enemy FRENCHWHORE screams and INFLICTS LARGE AMMOUNT of PAIN to CHARCOAL and RIKKSALOT!"

Attack CHRIS!

"CHARCOAL used ATTACK CHRIS!"

"Enemy FRENCHWHORE got in way!"

"Enemy FRENCHWHORE fainted!"

"CHRIS sent out DARKMAGICAN!"

Use your COAL attack!

"Enemy DARKMAGICAN got COAL for CHRISTMAS!"

"Enemy DARKMAGICAN is SAD!"

"Enemy DARKMAGICAN commited SURICIDE!"

"But it failed…”

"YUGI appeared!"

Nooooo!

"YUGI kills Enemy DARKMAGICAN!"

"Enemy DARKMAGICAN died!"

"CHRIS sent out BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON!"

"BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON used ABLITHERATE!"

What? I thought his only attack was White Lightning?!

"BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON is too STUPID to know THAT!"

"CHARCOAL fainted!"

No! Damn you, Chris!

"NARRATOR made a MISTAKE!"

Huh?

"CHARCOAL died!"

DAMN IT!!!

"Go! UNDEADGATES!"

Use Broken Glass!

"UNDEADGATES's COMPUTER crashes!"

"UNDEADGATE's anger greatly rose!"

"Enemy BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON used WHITE LIGHTNING!"

"It has no effect on UNDEADGATES!"

Use DOS attack!

"UNDEADGATES confused itself and BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON!"

"UNDEADGATES killed BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON in it's confusion!"

"CHRIS sent out CHRIS!"

Use Broken Glass!

"UNDEADGATES is confused!"

"UNDEADGATES killed RIKKSMOM in it's confusion!"

"RIKKSMOM broke the Glass that UNDEADGATES was using and UNDEADGATES fainted. Use next Pokemon?"

"Go! RUBYVER!"

Noo!! I don't wanna die!

"RIKKSALOT is crying!"

"RIKKSALOT doesn't want to die!"

"RUBYVER said it'll make YOUR DEATH QUICK and PAINLESS!"

What? c'mon!

"RUBYVER said it will make it's next SRIKE on CHRIS later!"

"YUGI sent out KURIBOH!"

"KURIBOH used SLASH!"

"RUBYVER fainted!"

I'll fight you, myself! Ok, I'll use Evolve!

"What? RIKKSALOT is evolving!"

Into what, into what?

"RIKKSALOT evolved into RIKKALONIANKNIGHT!"

"CHRIS used DEVOLVE!"

"What? Chris is devolving?"

"CHRIS devolved into a CINABON!"

Slash!

"CINABON gets FIRST MOVE!"

"CINABON used STIKY frosting!"

"EXODIA appeared! EXODIA used FAINT ATTACK!"

"Enemy CINNABON fainted!"

"Ally KURIBOH fainted!"

"Ally YUGI fainted!"

"RIKKSONIANKNIGHT fainted!"

"EXODIA died!"

"X-BOX came back!"

Great!

"YOU are FAINTED! DO not TALK or you will DIE!"

"X-BOX liked the MOVIE!"

"X-BOX used POKeBALL!"

"RIKKSOIANKIGHT was CAPTURED!"

"BATTLE used END!"

"MATCH ended in DRAW!"

|BATTLE #6, RADICAL DREAMERS |

|Location: Pewter City Gym |

|Player: VIKKS [record: 0-2-0] |

|(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE) |

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|"BROCKSDAD wants to fight!" |

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|I noticed when 'VIKKS wants to fight' in battle 4! |

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|"BROCKSDAD sent out GEOCITIES!" |

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|Ok... Gooo Squirtle! |

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|"Get'm Squirtle!" |

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|Ok... I dont want to use Squrit so I'll us--- |

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|"SQURITLE used SQUIRT!" |

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|No! I said I DONT want to use squirt! |

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|"SQUIRTLE squirted APPLE JUICE into Enemy GEOCITIES' EYES!" |

|"It's super non-effective!" |

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|Darn... Ok I can take that.... |

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|"Enemy GEOCITIES used ERROR!" |

|"Enemy GEOCITIES will not let YOU work on WEBSITE!" |

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|Thats fine... Squirtle doesn't have a website... |

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|"SQUIRLTE does!" |

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|It does? |

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|"YES, it is the WATER VERSION!" |

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|Oh... |

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|"SQUIRTLE's rage is building!" |

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|Kool... The Narrator is being fair in my favor for once! |

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|"SQUIRTLE used rage... on itself!" |

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|Noooo! |

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|"VIKKS is REMINEDID the GREAT POWER of the NARRATOR! |

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|Yes, I am sorry almighty great one! Please have mercy! |

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|"MERCY is not in NARRATOR's DICTIONARY!" |

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|Oh please! PLEASE! Don't LET ME LOSE! |

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|"NARRATOR has no INTENTION to let a TRAINER with only a SQUIRLTE at level FIVE get a GYM BADGE!" |

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|But... RIKKS beat him! |

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|"VIKKS has a point---" |

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|I do?--- oh I mean yes! I do! |

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|"---of a sword in his spleen!" |

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|OWWWOUCH! Ok ok, I'll be good! |

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|"BROCKSDAD wants to know WHY you are ARGUING with a BOOMING VOICE!" |

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|Because--- |

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|"LARGE DARK CLOUDS APPEAR above VIKK's HEAD!" |

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|No reason... |

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|"GOOD!" |

|"Enemy GEOCITIES used COUNTER!" |

|"Enemy GEOCITIES threw a COUNTER at SQUIRTLE!" |

|"SQUIRTLE fainted!" |

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|Noooo! I lost! |

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|"NARRATOR said YOU had it COMING!" |

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|Well I'll just catch up to ol' Rikks and steal his Badge! |

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|"NARRATOR says he was CAPTURED by his OWN X-BOX!" |

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|Well that sux, fine I will challenge his XBOX for it! |

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|"NARRATOR says YOU will NEVER WIN!" |

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|Just watch me! |

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|"BATTLE used END!" |

Battle #7, WEBMASTER rpGamer APPEARENCE

Location: Earth

Player: Leah [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: NINETAILS)

Hello, great almighty one. You wanted to see me about something?

"WEBMASTER rpGamer says YOU have been BANISHED to FLARE VERSION!"

But why? I haven't done anything to deserve that!

"WEBMASTER rpGamer says YOU must free RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT to gain PASSAGE back to EARTH!"

Soo... basicly you are sending me on a mission?

"WEBMASTER rpGamer said BASICLY, but if YOU fail, YOU will NEVER RETURN!"

Umm... ok...

"LEAH was transported to CERURLIAN CITY in the FLARE VERSION!"

Location: Cerulian City

"LEAH looks AROUND!"

Hmm... everything looks normal... now to find that X-Box guy...

"X-BOX appeared!"

really? Oh! X-Box! Let RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT go and no harm will be done to you!

"X-BOX says he will NEVER give up his ONLY POKeMON!"

"X-BOX wants to fight!"

They always do...

"X-BOX sent out RIKKSOLONIANKNIGHT!"

"RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT THREATENS X-BOX that he will LOAF AROUND if not SET FREE!"

"X-BOX says HE must because HE is a LOW LEVEL POKeMON!"

"RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT sobs!"

Poor soul... makes me feel sorry for him... go.. ninetails!

"The enemy is a sad freak, get'm, NINETAILS!"

NINETAILS, USE FLARE!

"NINETAILS used FLARE!"

"FLARE VERSION MIGHT FALLS on RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT!"

"RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT is BANISHED to HELL!"

What?! That cannot be good...

"RIKKSALONIANKINGT comes FLYING out of a VOLCANO!"

"What? RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT is evolving?"

"RIKKSALONIANKNIGHT evolved into HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!"

Oh darn... I made the enemy stronger...

"Enemy HELLKNIGHTRIKKS used LEVELUP! HELLKNIGHTRIKKS went to LEVEL 21, JUST HIGH enough so X-BOX cannot CONTROL him!"

"X-BOX curses LOUDLY!"

"Ally HELLKNIGHTRIKKS used POKeBALL!"

"X-BOX was caught by HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!"

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS thanks you for HELP!

You're welcome, and now the Almighty Webmaster rpGamer shall rise me again to Earth!

"WEBMASTER rpGamer says NO!"

But... why not your greatness?

"WEBMASTER rpGamer SAYS it will MAKE a horrible PLOT TWIST!"

What? You mean I'm stuck here... Forever?!

"UNTIL DEATH, which will be SOON!"

Please! Don't curse me like this!

"PORTAL from BLACK VERSION appeared!"

Umm...

"JARJARBINKS appeared!"

NOOOO!!!

"JARJARBINKS: welisasaidsadatyoudacomnheresaicameoutofblackieversoneoutofmesaonawillsa..."

"JARJARBINKS endlessly TALKS!"

"It's super effective!"

"LEAH fainted!

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle #8, CONFUSION

Location: Cerulean City

Player: JARJARBINKS [record: 1-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: GHOST)

wellisabegoingatosagymnanowtoseesadatrikksainteactionsa!

"NARRATOR says what you are saying is CONFUSING!"

"NARRATOR says PEOPLE will get HURT in THIER CONFUSION!"

likesaidacarese? yasarihsa! tohetagym!

"NARRATOR buys TRANSLATER for 600 YEN! TURNS it ON!"

(Well I be going to the gym now, alright Narrator?)

"NARRATOR is relieved it WORKS and says OK!"

"JARJARBINKS walks into GYM!"

Location: Water Gym

(Wow, highly decrotive it is)

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS: I need my second badge! Where is Misty?!"

Player: HELLKNIGHTRIKKS [record: 4-0-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL [dead], X-BOX)

Well? WHERE IS MISTY?

"MISTYSSISTERS explain for the FINAL TIME that MISTY went with ASH!"

You lie! So how do I get a badge here?

"MISTYSSISTERS say THEY will give DUMMYSBADGE for FREE!"

Really? Ok, Give!

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS got DUMMYSBADGE!"

Yay! Yay! Dummy's Badge!

"You just notice JARJARBINKS sitting there!"

JARJARBINKS? AHHH! PLEASE DON'T TALK!

"JARJARBINKS says (that theh Narrarator has a Translater on that will Translate whatever he says into Proper English!)"

Oh... Well in that case you wanna come along, cuz A'm headed to VIRMILLION CITY!

"JARJARBINKS says (Maybe Later... I'm going to help LEAH get better, I feel so GUILTY that she is FAINTED!"

"LEAH appeared and joined your party!”

"JARJARBINKS now says (because of the CHANGE OF STATE, he will NOW come ALONG!"

"JARJARBINKS joined your party!"

Great... Now I have a party to rival Ash's!

"YOU have no such PARTY!"

I don't?

"JESSIE and JAMES appear!"

WHA?! Oh no! Not those two?! What do I do?

"JESSIE and JAMES wants your RARE POKEMON!"

No way! C'mon team! Let's take them down!

"JESSIE sent out EKANS!"

"JAMES sent out KOFFING!"

"Ally JARJARBINKS sent out GHOST!"

"Ally LEAH sent out NINETALES!"

Ok.. I'll use my X-B---

"Go! UNDEADGATES!"

Oh forget it...

"Enemy KOFFING used KOFF!"

"Enemy KOFFING KOFFED all OVER!"

Umm.. That was pointless...

"EKANS used REVERSE NAME!"

"EKANS was renamed SNAKE!"

Oh... I thought it already was a snake...

"Ally GHOST used HAUNT!"

"CHOOSE YOUR OWN NARRATOR JOKE!"

"A. GHOST went away to HAUNT PEOPLE for the REST of his days!

B. GHOST haunted SNAKE! Enemy SNAKE fainted! --or

C. GHOST used HAUNT! GHOST HAUNTED itself to DEATH!"

Hmm... let's see... how about... oh! B.!

"GHOST haunted SNAKE! Enemy SNAKE fainted!"

"JESSIE BLASTED OFF!"

Ok... One down one to go...

"Ally NINETALES used FIRE BLAST!"

"Ally NINETALES is having a BLAST with FIRE!"

Umm... is it trying to MAKE OUT WITH FIRE? Ugh... Oh well use your PC ATTACK, UNDEADGATES!

"UNDEADGATES used PC ATTACK! KOFFING was WACKED on the HEAD with a PC!"

Goodie!

"KOFFING fainted!"

"JAMES blasted OFF!"

We win!

"TEAM uses SLAP!"

"TEAM's HANDS are completely SLAPPED!"

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle #9, SNEAKY OL' VIKKS

Location: Above Vermillion City

Player: VIKKS [record: 0-3-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRLTE)

"VIKKS is WAITING for HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!"

Thanks for shouting Narrator.

"THAT is NARRATOR'S JOB!"

Don't you have another defensless pitiful human to humiliate?

"NARRATOR says that ITS more FUN to HUMILIATE YOU!"

Why? Just because I'm the rival? Oh come on! Rikks gets all the good stuff! I mean his X-box, and Bill Gat---

"NARRATOR says HE will SEE TO IT that YOU will GET something GOOD this BATTLE!"

Really? Thats aweful nice for a Booming Voice

"NARRATOR says DONT MENTION IT!"

Oh...

"Wild SPEAROW appeared!"

Oh cool! I'll catch it! Goooo Squirlte!

"Go! Squirlte!"

Maybe this is the 'good thing' the Narrator was talking about!

"IT IS!"

Oh, ok Squirlte use umm... WATER GUN!

"SQUIRLTE pulled out a WATER GUN! SQUIRTLE SQURITS the ENEMY with WATER GUN!"

Does SQUIRLTE have a SINGLE GOOD MOVE that cant be turned into a pun?

"YOU will THINK of ONE EVENTUALLY!"

Oh...

"Enemy SPEAROW used PECK!"

"Critcal Hit!"

That hurt... ok use... HYDRO PUMP!

"SQUIRLTE doesn't KNOW that MOVE!"

Umm... SCRATCH!

"SQUIRLTE used SCRATCH!"

"Critical Hit!"

"Enemy SPEAROW fainted!"

Ok, now to use this Pokeball...

"OAK: VIKKS! It's not the time to use that!"

But gramps, theres a fainted pokemon RIGHT THERE!

"OAK: VIKKS! It's not the time to use that!"

DIE GRAMPS!

"OAK fainted!"

Didn't die? Oh well... I'll kill him next time... Go pokeball!

"Go! POKeBALL!"

"POKeBALL ran away!"

Nooo! That's what happened to Rikks' Pokedex, oh well, I'll use the other one.

"VIKKS used POKeBALL!"

"SPEAROW was CAUGHT!"

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I win!

"CINABON appeared!"

Hmm Stiky gooey cinnabon... oh come to me Beautiful Delicious!

"CINNABON reminds YOU he is CHRIS!"

Oh... What do you want?

"CINNABON wants to ALLY with YOU!"

"CINNABON wants his REVENGE on RIKKS for GIVING him a TIE!"

But I thought that was Exodia who gave you a tie...

"OAK got a PIKACHU!"

Umm... Ok... whats the point of that, Narrator?

"NARRATOR doesn't KNOW!"

"NARRATOR was just TELLING YOU!"

Oh, ok...

"CINNABON says that EXODIA gave EVERYONE a TIE and that if HE hadn't FOUGHT RIKKSALOT he WOULDN'T have GOT a TIE!"

But wern't you the one that 'wanted to fight?'

"CINNABON says IF YOU want to ALLY or WHAT?"

Ok... whatever....

"CINNABON joined the party!"

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle #10, THE ESCAPE!

Location: In Red Version

Player: Da Camera Man [record: 2-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: JEEVES)

Man... It gets really boring when Jason doesn't update Red Version... Ive had nuttin to do for about a year now...

"PORTAL to FLARE VERSION appeared!"

Really? Maybe it's better in that version... Hmmm but you can't be sure... what if the Doompluff inhabits that version?

"DOOMPLUFF inhabits RED and AQUA VERSION! FLARE VERSION is DOOMPLUFF FREE!"

Umm.. In that case... I'll go in!

"DACAMERAMAN walks in PORTAL!"

"DACAMERAMAN gets TRANSPORTED to FLARE VERSION!"

Location: Flare Version, Above Vermillion City

Hmm... It looks like a decent version...

"VIKKS and CINNABON appeared!"

Ok, now. Please dont get me hungry...

"VIKKS and CINNABON wants to KNOW if YOU want to JOIN THEM!"

First ya gotta tell me what you're doin... I'm not joining no team Rocket!

"RIKKS and CINNABON are NOT in TEAM ROCKET but THEY want to STEAL BADGES from A TRAINER named HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!"

Hmmm.... Steal badges... Isn't that a Pokey Man thing?

"POKeMON!"

Oh! You mean that Pokemon exist in this version?!

"YES! BADGES are NEEDED to CONTROL HIGH LEVEL POKeMON!"

Oh, so I need those things. Ok, I'll give!

"YOU joined THIER PARTY!"

Yay~! Now to wait for that HELLKNIGHTRIKKS fella!

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS, JARJARBINKS, and LEAH appeared!"

WHAT? JARJARBINKS?! I THOUGHT HE DIED?!

"JARJARBINKS says that (A portal from Black Version was opened and I came out)"

Oh thank god the Narrator got a translator! Phew...

"DACAMERAMAN is RELIVED!"

Yes! I am!

"Ally VIKKS wants to fight!"

"Ally CINNABON wants to fight!"

Well I guess I want to fight too!

"YOU want to fight!"

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS wants to fight!"

"JARJARBINKS wants to fight!"

"LEAH wants to fight!"

Well... It looks like a 3 verse 3 match...

"JESSIE, JAMES and MEOWTH appeared!"

"THEY say that IT will BE 3v3v3!"

"JESSIE, JAMES and MEOWTH are BLASTED OFF just by SAYING THAT!"

Well that was pointless...

"YES it WAS POINTLESS!"

... Alright Dad.

"NARRATOR is YOUR DADDIO!"

Yup...

"VIKKS and CINNABON THINK you ARE WEIRD being the SON OF NARRATOR!"

I know...

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!"

"LEAH sent out NINETALES!"

"JARJARBINKS sent out GHOST!"

"Ally VIKKS sent out SPEAROW!"

"Ally CINNABON sent out FRENCHWHORE!"

Ok... I'll send out... well.. Wait! I do have a Pokemon! Jeeves!

"Go! JEEVES!"

Hahahaha!

"TO BE CONTINUED IN BATTLE #11..."

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle 11, THE BROKEN ALLIENCE

Location: Above Vermillion City

Player: HELLKNIGHTRIKKS [record: 6-0-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: X-BOX, UNDEADGATES, CHARCOAL [dead], RUBYVER)

Well... is this battle ever going to start?

"IT IS YOUR TURN!"

Oh... gates! use your WINDOWS attack!

"UNDEADGATES used WINDOWS attack!"

"But, it failed."

Darn...

"Ally GHOST used SCARE!"

"Ally GHOST SCARED ITSELF!"

"Ally GHOST fainted!"

Darn... They already got down one of our team...

"Ally JARJARBINKS sent out JARJARBINKS!"

Ok, Leah use a good attack!

"Ally NINETAILES used FLARE!"

"FLARE VERSION'S TIME CONTINUM is SPINNING out of CONTROL!"

"NINETAILS fainted!"

"UNDEADGATES fainted!"

"JARJARBINKS fainted!"

"SPEAROW fainted!"

"JEEVES fainted!"

"FRENCHWHORE fainted!"

Ok... that was a semi nice move...

"Ally JARJARBINKS blasted OFF!"

Bah... Oh well... he was a minor member of our team anyway...

"Ally LEAH sent out LEAH!"

"DACAMERAMAN sent out DACAMERAMAN!"

"VIKKS sent out SQUIRLTE!"

"CINNABON sent out CINNABON!"

I'll use---

"Go! RUBYVER!"

NOOO!!! Ahhhh! Please don't!

"RUBYVER used THROW!"

"RUBYVER and HELLKNIGHTRIKKS was BLASTED to VERMILLION CITY!"

Player: LEAH [record: 2-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: NINETALES)

I'll guess I have to beat you thugs myself!

"DACAMERAMAN used LAUGH!"

"DACAMERAMAN LAUGHS at YOU!"

"DACAMERAMAN uses NARRATOR POWER!"

"DACAMERAMAN SUMMONS NARRATOR!"

Well... I'll use WEBMASTER POWER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

"LEAH used WEBMASTER POWER!"

"LEAH SUMMONED WEBMASTER rpGamer!"

"WEBMASTER rpGamer SAYS it BETTER be GOOD reason FOR SUMMONING it!"

Destroy!

"WEBMASTER rpGamer SAYS THAT ISN'T A GOOD ENOUGH REASON!"

"WEBMASTER used END!"

"BATTLE ENDED A DRAW! (exept the players that lost before this point!)"

Battle 12, THE LEGACY OF CINNABON

Location: Vermillion City

Player: CINNABON [record: 2-1-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead])

Why did my allys abandon me? What did I do to deserve that? GRR!!!

"YOU are an IDIOT!"

Well just dang you, Narrator! I was strong with my allys Vikks and Da Camera Man, but now you just HAD TO CURSE ME, DIDNT YOU?

"NARRATOR says it's his JOB!"

Well then, I will take it upon myself to kill the webmaster! And right a wrongs!

"NARRATOR says that YOU are EVIL!"

Yes... I am...

"YOU will DIE!"

Hahahaha... ya right!

"PEGASUS appeared!"

Another Yu-gi-oh Character? The Webmaster really must like that show...

“PEGASUS wants to fight!”

"PEGASUS sent out TOON MERMAID!"

I'll use my mom.

"Go! FRENCHWHORE!"

Use your.... hmmm... MIRROR BREAK!!

"FRENCHWHORE used MIRROR BREAK!"

"FRENCHWHORE broke MIRROR!"

"FRENCHWHORE has 7 YEARS bad LUCK!"

Good! Hahahahaha! DIE MOM!

"FRENCHWHORE is your MOMMIO!"

Just like your Da Camera Man's Daddio, ai, Narrator?

"CORRECT!"

Ok... USE LUCK CHANGE!

"FRENCHWHORE used LUCK CHANGE!"

"FRENCHWHORE has BAD LUCK, so it failed!"

Oh...

"INSTEAD, FRENCHWHORE SWITCHED BAD LUCK onto TOON MERMAID!"

Even better...

"Enemy TOONMERMAID was HIT on the TOP OF THE HEAD with an ANIVL!"

YES! THE NARRATOR is being unfair in my favor for once!!!

"FRENCHWHORE fainted. Use next Pokemon?"

Oh... go me...

"Enemy TOONMERMAID was FAINTED by ANIVL!"

"PEGASUS was defeated!"

Hahaha! I win!

"Got 5 YEN! Got -500 EXP!"

NEGITIVE EXP?

"What? CINNABON is devolving!"

No ya don't! I read my trainer Tips! B B B B B B B

"YOU didn't PUSH B!"

I said it! Isn't that the same thing?

"NO!"

"CINNABON devolved into CINNAGOO!"

Darn you, Narrator!

"YUGI appeared! YUGI sent out SUMMONEDSKULL!"

"PEGASUS used TOON WORLD!"

Wha?

"What? SUMMONEDSKULL is evolving?"

"SUMMONEDSKULL evolved into TOONSKULL!"

"PEGASUS LAUGHS MANIACLY!"

Always knew he was a maniac...

"TOONSKULL used LADALDADA!"

"PEGASUS BLASTED OFF!"

"YUGI wants to fight!"

AH!!! FIGHT ME?

Uhhh... Gooooo me!

"YOU are ALREADY OUT!"

Oh.

"CINNAGOO missed his TURN!"

Dang it!

"Enemy TOONSKULL used TERMONATE!"

"Enemy TOONSKULL's MISSION was TERMONATED!"

YES!

"Pokeball, go!"

I didn't want to---- hehe nevermind.

"CINNAGOO caught TOONSKULL!"

YES!

"YUGI is angry!"

Uh oh.

"YUGI used BLAST!"

"YOU BLASTED OFF!"

AHHHHH!!!!!

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle #13, VERMILLION, HERE I COME!

Location: Vermillion gym

Player: ROBOTOR [no record yet][Vermillion City Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: ROBOT, MAGNIMITE)

HAHAHA>NOW>ALL>WILL>FAIL!

"ROBOTOR is MANIAC!"

YES>I>NOTICED>!

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS should be HERE any MOMMENT for HIS HATEBADGE!"

WOW>YOU>ACT>LIKE>HE>WILL>WIN!

"HE probally WILL!"

REALLY/I>THOGUHT>YOU>WERE>ON>MY>SIDE1

"YOU are MISTAKEN! NARRATOR is NUETRAL!"

YOU>ACT>LIKE>I>HAVENT>READ>OTHE>POKEBATTLES!

"..."

THATS>MORE>LIKE>IT1I>WILL>WIN!

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS appeared!"

YOU>WANT>TO>FIGHT/RIGHT/

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS wants to fight!"

I>KNOW>THAT1

"OFFICAL POKEMON GYM MATCH BEGINS!"

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!"

HEHE>I>AM>PREPARED1

"ROBOTOR BLUFFs!"

I>DO>NOT!

"ROBOTOR will FORFIT if HE doesn't SEND out a POKeMON!"

ALRIGHT1GO>ROBOT1

"Go! ROBOT!"

USE>SELF>DESTUCT1

"ROBOT used SELFDESTRUCT!"

"Critical hit!"

"Enemy UNDEADGATES is uneffected!"

WHAT/HOW>IS>THAT>POSSIBLE/

"ROBOT died! Use next Pokemon?"

DIED/HAHA>IT>WAS>DEAD>TO>BEGIN>WITH1"GO>MAGNIMITE1

"The enemy was uneffected by SELFDESTRUCT, Get'm, MAGNIMITE!"

OK>NOW>USE>YOUR>ELECTRICITY>ATTACK1

"ALL MAGNIMITE's ATTACKs are ELECTRICITY!"

"ROBOTOR missed his turn!"

OH>DARN"

"Enemy UNDEADGATES used R.I.P.!"

WHAT/

"Enemy UNDEADGATES RIPPED IN PIECES!"

"Enemy UNDEADGATES fainted!"

YES1

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS sent out X-BOX!"

"X-BOX wants to CAPTURE HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!"

"X-BOX is LOW-LEVEL POKeMON! Can't escape!"

...THAT>WAS>FREAKY1

"Enemy X-BOX used PUNCH!"

THATLL>DO>ALOT>OF>GOOD"

"MAGNIMITE fainted!"

"YOU LOSE!"

WHAT/HOW/

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS demands his HATEBADGE!"

FINE>TAKE>IT1

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS got the HATEBADGE!"

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle 14, OUCHFULL LANDING

Location: Celadon City

Player: DACAMERAMAN [2-2-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: JEEVES)

Hmm... This is a nice town...

"DACAMERMAN arrived at GIANT SHOPPING CENTER!"

Wow... yippie...

"DACAMERMAN walked in!"

"DACAMERMAN sees BILLIONS of ITEMS!"

Ummm... anyone in here sell a camera, mine kinda ran away in Red Version. I've been kinda been wanting to get a new one.

"THERE are NO CAMERAS!"

Oh, darn.

"BUT there IS a CAMERA SHOP next to GAINT SHOPPING CENTER!"

Oh... ok.

"DACAMERAMAN walked outside."

"Can't find CAMERA SHOP!"

Dang.... Oh well, I don't NEED one...

"Found GAME CORNER!"

Game Corner?

"IT is a CASINO!"

I LOVE CASINOS!

"NARRATOR reminds SON that HE isn't OLD enough to GAMMBLE!"

"NARRATOR says HE will TAKE away YOUR GAMEBOY if you WALK into GAME CORNER!"

Shut it, daddio! You took away my gameboy like a year ago, remember?

"NARRATOR threatens to KILL YOU if you WALK in to GAME CORNER!"

Whateva, I'll take my chances...

"DACAMERAMAN walked into GAME CORNER!"

"DACAMERAMAN is SUFFERING from HEART ATTACK!"

AHHH!!!! My heart hurts!

"NARRATOR says IT will STOP if you WALK back OUTSIDE!”

Alright! Alright!

"IT used STOP!"

Good...

"But, it failed."

What?!

"Enemy HEART'S ATTACK continues!"

NOOOOO!!!

"NARRATOR says that YOU should have LISTENED to HIM to BEGIN with!"

Please.... have mercy!

"NARRATOR already EXPLAINED in BATTLE 6 that MERCY is NOT in NARRATOR's DICTIONARY!"

Not... even........ for your own.... son?!!!

"It's super effective!"

Wha........ me being............your son.......~?

"It's super effective!"

"Enemy NARRATOR fainted."

Uh.............hello..........................?

"..."

UGH.....................wake up................................

"..."

No~~~

"NARRATOR woke up!"

Yes~............ please...............................

"NARRATOR says fine, but he will not STOP HEART ATTACK!"

No..........................................

"NARRATOR says IT will PUT you OUT of MISERY!"

Please..............................................

"DACAMERAMAN died!"

...

"DACAMERAMAN became UNDEAD!"

"What? DACAMERAMAN is evolving?"

XZAAA!! WHAtIAT?

"DACAMERAMAN evolved into DAZOMBIEMAN!"

ZAA!!! DAZOMBIEMANS? HASNICER RINGTER IT! MWA!

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle 15, DANNYS DEATH

Location: South of Vermillion City

Player: DANDAMAN [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

"DANNY is OBSESSED--- BY POKeMON!"

What? What does Obsessed mean?

"ITS all YOU THINK ABOUT!"

Huh?

"YOU are STUPID!"

No I'm not!

"WHATS the SQUARE ROOT of 4?"

8

"NO! IT'S TWO!"

But I don't even know what that is!

"NARRATOR rests his CASE!"

"JARJARBINKS appeared!"

AHHHH!!! OH NOOO!!! (Not really)

"JARJARBINKS wants to fight!"

Gooo! Ho-oh!

"The enemy is from another world! Get'm HO-OH!"

"JARJARBINKS sent out GHOST!"

Huh? A ghost?!

"JARJARBINKS says he CAUGHT it when HE DIED!"

LOL

"Enemy GHOST used SCARE!"

"Enemy GHOST SCARED itself to DEATH!"

Yes... Things are going good already!

"LUGIA appeared!"

"LUGIA joined JARJARBINKS!"

Nooo!!!

"JARJARBINKS sent out LUGIA!"

Hooh use Fire Sptiz!

"HO-OH's SPIT FIRE!"

"It's super idiotic!"

Darn...

"Enemy LUGIA used AEROBLAST!"

"HO-OH fainted. Use next Pokemon?"

Ya...

"YOU have NO MORE!"

"YOU sent out YOURSELF!"

"The enemy's invincable, Get'm, DANDAMAN!"

Ok, Now ill use---

"LUGIA used AEROBLAST!"

"DANDAMAN fainted!"

"JARJARBINKS used POKeBALL!"

What?

"JARJARBINKS caught YOU! Push A rapidly to free YOURSELF!"

I can't see a A button!

"ITS right NEXT TO B Button ON GAMEBOY!"

BUT!!! I DONT HAVE A GAMEBOY!

"YOU were CAUGHT!"

"JARJARBINKS wins!"

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE 16, FATES REVENGE

Location: Celadon City

Player: LEAH [record: 2-1-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: NINETALES)

Woh... Phew... Where did Da Camera Man go? I've been chasing him sinse Battle 11...

"DACAMERAMAN is NONEXISTANT!"

"He EVOLVED into DAZOMBIEMAN in BATTLE 14!"

Oh... How.... Charming...

"He DIED and was ROSE into UNDEAD!"

Oh... That's very interesting...

"PAPERBOY screams 'READ ALL ABOUT IT! READ ALL ABOUT IT! JUST FOR 10 YEN!'"

Hey Paperboy, over here!

"YOU pay 10 YEN!"

"LEAH got NEWSPAPER!"

Yes!

"LEAH opened NEWSPAPER!"

"ARTICLE 1: MUTANT ZOMBIES in CELADON CITY!"

Ahh... heres my article, Narrator. Read it.

"As my EYES RACED for the GAME CORNER, IT LOOKED as if SOMEONE was HAVING a HEART ATTACK. I soon FOUND OUT it was DACAMERAMAN! SUDDENLY, HE DIED. I was ABOUT to CALL for POLICE, BUT he ROSE AGAIN as a ZOMBIE!"

Ok... enough. Now we must find this 'Zombie Man'

"OLDWOMAN appeared!"

Excuse me, have you seen a Zombie Man go by?

"OLDWOMAN says if YOU can DEFEAT her in COMBAT, SHE will TELL YOU what YOU want to KNOW!"

Ok... HAHAHAHA! I'll fry your walking stick!

"OLDWOMAN wants to fight!"

That is what makes the FLARE WORLD go round!

"OLDWOMAN sent out TENTAILS!"

Tentails? Evolved form of Ninetails? Dang...

"The enemy is your evolved form, Get'm NINETAILS!"

"Enemy TENTAILS used TAIL WHIP!"

"EACH TAIL HIT YOU!"

"Critcal hit!"

"It's not very effective..."

"It's super effective!"

"It's super uneffective!"

Um... hello?

"NINETAILS fainted!"

"It's super effective!"

"It's not very effective..."

"Critcal hit!"

"It's not very effective..."

"It's not very effective..."

That's a bit of an overkill...

"It's super effective!"

"NINESTAILS died!"

DIED? NOOO!!!!!!

"NARRATOR says HE will BRING it BACK to LIFE if IT can HAVE ONE of it's TAILS!"

Fine... {sob sob} ok...

"NINETAILS [dead] was renamed EIGHTTAILS!"

Ugh... Ok! NINET----

"YOU don't HAVE NINETAILS!"

Err.... Ok... EIGHTTAILS use FIRE BLAST!!!!

"EIGHTTAILS used FIRE BLAST!"

"EIGHTTAILS is having a BLAST with FIRE!"

Dang.. I forgot about that pun... I HATE IT WHEN NINE---

"YOU dont HAVE NINETAILS!"

Err... EIGHTTAILS trys to MAKE OUT with FIRE!

"YOU should HAVE LEARNED in BATTLE 11!"

Ok. use SOFA!

"EIGHTTAILS used SOFA!"

"EIGHTTAILS sat on SOFA!"

"LEAH picked up SOFA!"

THROW IT!

"LEAH threw SOFA at Enemy TENTAILS!"

"EIGHT and TENTAILS started WATCHING TV!"

"Enemy TV used DOUBLE EPISODES of POKeMON! EIGHTTAILS and Enemy TENTAILS will DO NOTHING for 1 HOUR!"

Umm... Ok...

"OLDWOMAN sent out OLDWOMAN!"

Ok... We shall fight eachother!"

"Go! LEAH!"

Ok... I will use... umm... umm...

"LEAH missed her turn!"

Nooooooooooo!

"Enemy OLDWOMAN used SHAKE!"

"Enemy OLDWOMAN SHOOK SHOOK SHOOK! SHOOK SHOOK! SHOOK HER BOOTY!"

That... is scary!

"It's super effective!"

"LEAH has been BLINED!"

"LEAH fainted! Use next TAIL?"

"BATTLE used END!"

Battle 17, TEAM ROCKET ROCKET!

Location: In some strange forrest

Player: JESSIE [record: 0-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: SNAKE)

... OUCH! The more we blast off, the more my bum hurts!

"JAMES SUGGESTS we LEAVE TEAM ROCKET!"

Are you kidding? Than our boss, POOPAVONI will kill us!

"MEOWTH agrees with you!"

Thank you, meowth.

"MEOWTH says 'No PROBLEM!'"

"JAMES INSISTS that YOU LEAVE TEAM ROCKET!"

Shut up, James! Before I kill you!

"JAMES wants to fight!"

You... you do?

"JAMES says YES!"

Oh, ok then... GOOO! SNAKE!

"Do it, SNAKE!"

"Ally MEOWTH sent out MEOWTH!"

"JAMES sent out KOFFING!"

Ok, use your BITE ATTACK!

"SNAKE used BITE!"

"SNAKE BIT Enemy KOFFING!"

Hahaha! Take that!

"Enemy KOFFING used KOFF!"

"Enemy KOFFING is KOFFING about!"

Ok... that was just pathetic...

"Ally MEOWTH used SCRATCH!"

"Critical hit!"

"KOFFING fainted!"

YES!

"JAMES sent out JAMES!"

HAHAHA! YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR US!

"What? SNAKE is evolving?"

Really? GREAT!

"SNAKE evolved into KOBRA!"

Hehe... now I am truely invincable!

"Enemy JAMES is SCARED!"

Hahahaha! You should be! Now hold still so I can kill you!

"JAMES ran away!"

Come back here!

"MEOWTH says to let HIM LEAVE!"

Why?

"MEOWTH says HE will DIE ANYWAY!"

True...

"MEOWTH says YOU will DIE AS WELL!"

Oh? How do you figure?

"MEOWTH wants to fight!"

What? Ye tu, Brutus?

"MEOWTH says that YOU are NOT JULIUS!"

True... but I always liked that play...

"MEOWTH sent out MEOWTH!"

Ok, my Kobra, show 'em your stuff!

"KOBRA used SHOW!"

"KOBRA SHOWED his STUFF!"

Eww... I didn't mean to moon him...

"It's super effective!"

"Enemy MEOWTH fainted!"

YES! TWO WINS IN ONE BATTLE! I'M ON A WINNING STEAK!

"JESSIE gained LOSS for NO REASON!"

What? That's so.... cruel!

"NARRATOR KNOWS!"

"JESSIE gains ANOTHER LOSS!"

WHAT? Stop that...

"JESSIE gains 6 LOSSES!"

WHAT? NO! STOP!

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE 18, KILL THE GRASS!

Location: Celadon Gym

Player: HELLKNIGHTRIKKS [record: 7-1-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL [dead], X-BOX)

Hmm... now where is the gym leader?

"GYMLEADER appeared!"

HAHAHA! I CHALLENGE YOU!

"GYMLEADER doesn't know what you are talking about!"

You are the gym leader, aren't cha? Well then I want to challenge you.

"GYMLEADER is not the GYM LEADER! GYMLEADER is the PERSON'S NAME!"

What kind of parent would name thier kid Gymleader?

"GYMLEADER says to LEAVE the NAME GIVING to him MOM!"

Oh... Well, do you know where the real gym leader is?

"GYMLEADER says if YOU defeat HIM that HE will TELL YOU!"

HAHAHAHA! you wouldn't stand a chance!

"GYMLEADER sent out GRASSSEEDS!"

SEEDS?

"Go! UNDEADGATES!"

Umm... hit them...

"UNDEADGATES used HIT!"

"UNDEADGATES's attack missed!"

HOW CAN YOU HIT A SEED?

"What? Enemy GRASSSEEDS is evolving!"

"Enemy GRASSSEEDS evolved into GRASS!"

Kool, now burn them!

"UNDEADGATES used BURN!"

"UNDEADGATES BURNED thier PICTURES to a CD!"

Not what I had in mind, Gates...

"Enemy GRASS used DEATHSPORE!"

WhAt?!

"If HELLKNIGHTRIKKS does not WIN in 3 TURNS, ALL his POKeMON and HE will DIE!"

NOOO!!!!... Ok, Undead gates, I know you take things a little literally, but please do something this time!

"UNDEADGATES did SOMETHING!"

NOOO!! PLEASE!

"UNDEADGATES lit MATCH!"

YES! NOW THROW IT AT THE GRASS!

"UNDEAD gates threw MATCH!"

"GRASS was burned!"

"GRASS died of BURN!"

YES!

"CELADONGYM caught on FIRE!"

"SCREAMS are heard from DEEP INSIDE!"

Uh oh... WAIT! I NEED TO SAVE THE GYM LEADER! Or... or... I won't get the mold badge!

"GYMLEADER ran away!"

Ok... I have to go inside further!

"GRASSLY appeared!"

Who are you?

"GRASSLY says SHE is a GIRL that needs HELP!"

Are you the gym leader?

"GRASSLY says NO!"

Ok... than I must go foward!

"GRASSLY screamed as she FELL on FLOOR and DIED!"

Oh well... if she wasn't the gym leader, her life was just conjered to make me not find the gym leader, and she is evil...

"MOLDS appeared!"

Are you the gym leader?

"MOLDS says YES!"

Well lets get outta here!

"MOLDS says she will NOT LEAVE without her DAUGHTER, GRASSLY!"

She died... I saw her die.. but you must come out so we can battle!

"MOLDS starts to cry!"

Don't cry..., there's other things in life... such as battling! And right when you come out I'll battle you... what'de'ya say?

"MOLDS says SHE will RATHER DIE!"

Ok, your death wish... I'm outta here.

"Can't escape!"

Damn...

Look a window! maybe I can jump out of it!

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS used JUMP!"

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS jumped OUT just in TIME!"

"CELADON GYM BLEW UP!"

YES! HEHEHE... what a sec... NOOO!!! Now I can't get the gym badge...

"MOLDBADGE comes flying from the sky onto HELLKNIGHTRIKKS's FEET!"

Hehehe... yes! the Mold Badge...

"POLICE appeared!"

"POLICE says to PUT your HANDS up!"

No way! I didn't do anything, sept burn this gym down!!

"POLICE wants to fight!"

Hahaha! Yah right...

"POLICE sent out GUN!"

Uhh... I'm out of here!

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS ran!"

"What? HELLKNIGHTRIKKS is evolving!"

Great... again...

"HELLKNIGHTRIKKS evolved into OUTLAWRIKKS!"

Great... now I can live outside the law! Keep runnin, i'm gonna have to outrun those cops!

"OUTLAWRIKKS ran..."

"...into TREE!"

Ouch! I don't remember a tree being here...

"TREE wants to fight!"

"TREE used SLEEP POWDER!"

"You fell asleep!"

ZzzzZZZZzzZZZZzzzz

"POLICE detained YOU!"

Wha?ZZzZZzZzzZZZzzzz

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE 19- WEIRD ESCAPE

Location: Celadon Jail

Player: VIKKS [record: 1-3-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW)

"WHY are YOU HERE?"

I am here to save Rikks.

"YOU HATE RIKKS! HE is YOUR RIVAL!"

Still... it's no fun to have a rival in jail, is it? So I'm busting him out!

"YOU won't SUCCSEED! Such ACTIONS goes AGAINST rpGamer's PLOTLINE!"

Hahahaha! This is his plotline, feeble Narrator! Who do you think is writing this battle?

"YOU have a POINT!"

"NARRATOR shuts UP!"

good... now to bust Rikks outta jail...

"JAMES appeared!"

O... is that so? What do you want?

"JAMES says HE wants to HELP YOU!"

Really? Oi... great! I need all the help I can get... now, do you know anything about breaking into a jail?

"JAMES says NO!"

"JAMES says that HE only KNOWS how to BREAK OUT of JAIL!"

Darn... Ok well, maybe our Pokemon can help us!

"JAMES sent out KOFFING!"

Ok, GoOoOoOo, SQUIRTLE!

"Get'm, SQUIRLTE!"

"Ally KOFFING used SELFDESTRUCT!"

"Enemy JAIL fainted!"

YES! Wait a sec... how does a jail faint?

"Ally KOFFING fainted!"

Well that what happens when you self destruct, actually you should die, but bah... oh well...

"Wild POLICEDOG appeared!"

A wild policedog... hmm... ok whatever, Squirtle use Waterfall!

"SQUIRLTE used WATERFALL!"

"FALLING WATER hit Wild POLICEDOG in FACE!"

"Wild POLICEDOG fainted!"

gooo... pokeball!

"Dad's advice... There's a good place and time for everything!"

WHAT? GRrRrRrRrRr!!! I DONT CARE ABOUT DAD'S ADVICE! HE DEAD! JUST LEMME USE THE DARN POKEBALL!

"VIKKS used POKEBALL!"

"Wild POLICEDOG was caught!"

Yeees!

"Ally JAMES notices something COMING from JAILRUINS!"

Really? What?

"SOMETHING was renamed OUTLAWRIKKS!"

Yeeees! Now that your free, how about a little battle?

"OUTLAWRIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!"

AHHH!!!

"Ally JAMES ran!"

Well.. I have no choice... I must retreat... today!

"VIKKS ran away!"

"Got away safely!"

"BATTLE used END!"

~TURTUREMENT BATTLE #1 HAPPENS HERE~

BATTLE 20, Mr. Psychic the psychic!

Location: Prof. Oak's Lab

Player: OAK [record: 0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: PIKACHU)

Well, my my my! What a wonderful day!

"VIDEOPHONE used RING!"

"VIDEOPHONE is RINGING!"

Hmm... it is? Well, I'll just have to push the talk butten.

"OAK used PUSH TALK!"

"It's super effective!"

"RINGING STOPPED!"

Thank god.

"A PICTURE of an UGLY BOY appeared on SCREEN!"

AHHHH!! Oh, god dear! It's Rikks! Rikks! You nearly gave me a heartattack.

"OUTLAWRIKKS said to SHUT UP!"

Umm... I get the picture. What can I do for you?

"OUTLAWRIKKS: I want my CHARCOAL revived because if I had another usable Pokemon, I would have won that damn torturement."

Errr.... I see. Well, It's a long shot, but I think my good friend in Saffron City may be able to help. Go visit Mr. Psychic. Maybe he can bring your Charcoal back to life!

"OUTLAWRIKKS: Thanks for the advise. I'm in Saffron now. {CLICK}"

Location: Saffron City

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 9-4-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL [dead], X-BOX)

Hmmm... now I need to find this 'Mr. Psychic' fellow.

"Mr. Psyduck appeared!"

No... not him...

"Mrs. Psychick appeared!"

No not her either...

"Mr. Psyshock appeared!"

Nope not him. But I'm curious tho... is everyone in Saffron has a last name begining with 'psy'?

"YES!"

Oh.

"HOUSE appeared!"

Well.. that was odd... what is a house doing in a city? You'd think everyone lived in apartments.

"HOUSE was renamed MR.PSYCHIC's HOUSE!"

Oh, well that's where I'll be heading, then.

"OUTLAWRIKKS opened DOOR!"

"MR.PSYCHIC wants to KNOW why YOU are in HIS HOUSE!"

Well... You live in Kanto. People walk into your house all the time.

"MR.PSYCHIC said 'TRUE'"

"MR.PSYCHIC wants to KNOW if YOU want his TM!"

Well, I'll take it but thats not what I'm here for.

"OUTLAWRIKKS got the TM912314312345236!"

Wait... That TM isn't Psychic...

"MR.PSYCHIC: I'm a psychic! I know all I see all! You want a revive TM, so there it is. It will revive one dead pokemon than the pokemon will forget the move eternally, but it is at a cost. The pokemon that uses it will perish."

Oh. Well I'll teach it to my RUBYVER then.

"RUBYVER already knows 6739 moves! Delete a move to add REVIVE?"

Ya. Delete uh, Tail whip.

"RUBYVER already knows 6738 moves! Delete a move to REVIVE?"

Err... I forgot about the 4 limit. Creatures in Flare Version already have more than that tho. A lot more... So what I am sa post to do?

"MR.PSYCHIC says GIVE IT TO HIS JYNX! HE says it KNOWS only THREE MOVES and HE HATES IT so YOU can USE IT!"

Goodie.

"1...2...3...POOF!"

"JYNX learned REVIVE!"

Goodie! Now use it!

"JYNX commited suricide!"

"CHARCOAL is REVIVED!"

YES!

"MR.PSYCHIC: Wow. I didn't really expect you to kill off my Jynx, considering it was at Level 87."

It... was?

"MR.PSYCHIC: Yah, hahahaha! I pity you!"

Errr...

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE 21 SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH

Location: Saffron Gym

Player: SABRINA [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: FEMALEMR.MIME, KADABRA, ABRA)

Hmmm... What a wonderful day. I wonder whats taking Heilda and Zelda...

"ZELDA is in BUSY in WINDWAKER and HEILDA is DEAD!"

... I meant my aunts stupid Narrator.

"OH!"

Yah.

"Your AUNTS got KILLED in a AWFUL DOG RACE!"

How do you get killed in a Dog Race?

"NARRATOR doesnt KNOW!"

"But HEILDA and ZELDA do!"

Oh... figures. I wondered why it was taking them 3 days to get me a slice of pizza from the consession stand next door... Hmm... What can I do today?

"YOU could KILL all the PEOPLE in the NEIGHBORING GYM again!"

Could... but that's becoming to old. I already took them over once, and it was all too easy...

"CONSIDERING they USE FIGHTING-TYPES, no DUH!"

Hey, watch it, before I have you turned into a Toadstool, dumb Narrator.

"NARRATOR is just a BOOMING VOICE! IT cannot be TURNED INTO a TOADSTOOL!"

Well... I'll figure out how!... Oh what's the point. I'm hungry--- haven't eaten for like 3 days now...

"OUTLAWRIKKS appeared!"

Hmm... Who are you? Explain yourself.

"OUTLAWRIKKS wants to BATTLE you for your PSYCOBADGE!"

Ahh! I see! You have come to the right place, but before we battle, can you please walk next door to the pizza shop and get me some?

"OUTLAWRIKKS said SURE!"

Good. When you come back, we'll battle.

"OUTLAWRIKKS left!"

Hmm... Hopfully he won't get killed in a Dog Show too...

"DUGGY appeared!"

Hey, Duggy, here to challenge me again?

"DUGGY said YES!"

Well, I beat you let's see... 77 times now? hmmmmmmmmmm... I don't think you really stand a chance.

"DUGGY says HE trained HIS MAGIKARP to LEVEL 3!"

Level 3... I guess that's an improvment of the last time we battled when it was Level -2... but You must remember Duggy, that my Pokemon are all far above level 35.

"DUGGY doesn't CARE!"

"DUGGY still WANTS to BATTLE!"

Ugh... fine... Whatever... Goooo, Kadabra!

"The enemy's weak! (literally!) Get'm, KADABRA!"

"DUGGY sent out MAGIKARP!"

Let's see if can actually do something this time!

"Foe MAGIKARP used SPLASH!"

Ugh...

"It's a one hit KO!"

WHAT??!!

"KADABRA fainted, use next Pokemon?"

Of course! I can't lose like this--- to Duggy! Hmm... But I guess I underestimated him though... Well... gooo! Abra!

"Go! Abra!"

Ok use Psychic!

"ABRA used PSYCHIC!"

"Enemy MAGIKARP fainted."

I award you on beating my Kadabra, but You still need more training, child. Now listen to me. Don't come back until your Magikarp is well above Level 30, alright?

"DUGGY says OK!"

"DUGGY left!"

Ugh... Children... Hey! What's taking that Rikks fella so long with that pizza?

"BATTLE used END!"

BATTLE 21 GIANT MUTANT MONKEY MAN

Location: Plains of Havok, Tibia

Player: STAALIN [no record yet] [Tibia player]

(Pokemon Lineup: MINOMAGE)

Ahhh… another day of playing Tibia with my great summon, Mino Mage!

“GREAT it IS!”

Who said that? I didn’t know the CIP Team people actually put SOUND in this game!

“”

Hmm… Yes… that is the homepage of this game…

“KILLERNACHO appeared!”

Ummm… hi mate! What’s with these big booming voice?

“Killer Nacho says: Mwahahahaha! You shall be the next one to be ingulfed in PAIN and SUFFERING! For I am the mighty rpGamer!”

Uhhh… mate… what is wrong with you?

“STAALIN goes SCREAMING into a GAINT VORTEX of TERROR!”

AHHHHHHH!!!

“STAALIN has ARRIVED in the FLARE VERSION! Welcome to the first day of the REST of your LIFE!”

Aaaaahh! This is freaky… ok now im just gonna log off…

“You can’t log of immediately after a hurl threw a screaming vortex!”

Damn you, Tibia…

“OUTLAWRIKKS appeared!”

Umm… hi!

“OUTLAWRIKKS is WONDERING if you know where the PIZZA is.”

“OUTLAWRIKKS is being hit by DOGs!”

Gah!!! GET AWAY!!

“STAALIN runs away!”

No I didn’t…

“STAALIN is now LOST in SAFFRON CITY!”

Woohh, I didn’t know THIS existed in Tibia!

“STAALIN sees a POKeMON!”

What the heck is a poke man?

“POKeMON are loving companions… and helpers to people! But people LIKE to BATTLE THEM!”

Oh.. ok…….

“MONKEY appeared!”

A moneky… cool

“MONKEY: ME WANT TO EAT UR FLESH!! FLLLEEESSSSHHH!”

GAH!!! C’MON, CANT WE PLZ WORK THIS OUT?!

“MONKEY was renamed CANABLEMONKEY!”

Doesn’t that exseed the name limit?

“YES!”

Oh well, ummmmm

“CANABLEMONKEY is STARING at YOU!”

GAH!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

“STAALIN ran away!”

Wait… I know I’ll have to play his game! Mino mage, launch me into space!

“MINOMAGE sends STAALIN into SPACE!”

Yes… he cant catch me up here!

“CANNIBALMONKEY was renamed SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY!”

Uh oh…

“SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY FLYS up to STAALIN!”

Umm… ah ha! The Deathstar!

“STAALIN goes into DEATHSTAR!”

Ba boom baby! That MONKEYs is in serious shit if he thinks he can mess with me!!

“STAALIN pushes RED butten in DEATHSTAR!”

Mwahahaha! Say your last words, you Spaceship Cannable MONKEY!

“SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY is renamed to DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY!”

This sux… I’m gonna die, arent I?

“YES!”

Damn it… wait! MY BATTLE MODES OFF! YES!

“STAALIN LOGGED OFF!”

“…”

“DAMN! SCREW TIBIA!”

Player: DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY [0-0-1][MONKEY-Cannable]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

NOOOOO!!! STAALIN! UR A FAT UGLY EVIL DUDE!!! FLLEEESSSHHH!

“…”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #22 THE HEROIC PIZZA RUN

Location: Outside of Saffron Gym

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 9-4-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL, JYNX [dead], X-BOX)

GAH! OUCH! OUCH OUCH! STUPID DOG! OUCH!!

“OUTLAWRIKKS is being BIT by DOG!”

OUCH! I can see th---OUCH!

“PIZZAMAN appeared!”

Umm… excuse me sir! Can you get this dog offa me?

“PIZZAMAN said ONLY if you BUY a PIZZA!”

Well, I need to buy a pizza anyway…umm how much? OUCH!

“PIZZAMAN says it will BE around 700,000 YEN!”

700k? FOR A PIZZA!---OUCH!

“PIZZAMAN says YES!”

Ummm… no

“PIZZAMAN is insulted!”

“PIZZAMAN wants to fight!”

C’mon can’t we resolve this without battling? Say, OUCH err.. say over a pizza?

“PIZZAMAN says NO!”

“PIZZAMAN sent out CHEESEPIZZA!”

Arrr… He is a food-type user… I see..OUCH!!! errr… Go, Charcoal!

“The enemy is yummy! Get;m, Charcoal!”

Ok, Charcoal! Use your Roast attack!

“CHARCOAL used ROAST!”

“CHEESEPIZZA is WELL-DONE!”

Mmmm… even more OUCH! Yummy…

“PIZZAMAN: Wow! We should talk about a job after this battle… I could use a Pokemon like that at my shop! End the Battle! End the Battle now!”

“BATTLE ends in DRAW!”

WHAT? How can he end a bat---OUCH!!!!---tle and I can’t?!

“PIZZAMAN kills DOG!”

Umm… thanks…

“PIZZAMAN only asks ONE THING in RETURN!”

Oh… and that is?

“PIZZAMAN wants to JOIN your PARTY!”

Ummm… I wouldn’t do that… everyone who joined my party has died.. My mom for example…

“PIZZAMAN doesn’t CARE!”

“PIZZAMAN says HE will also GIVE you a FREE PIZZA!”

Free pizza? Deal!

“PIZZAMAN joined your party!”

Ah ha! Now to go see Sabrina!

Location: Saffron Gym

Hmm… Umm… Sabrina? I got the pizza!

“SABRINA takes PIZZA”

“SABRINA: Thanks… now we can battle!”

“SABRINA wants to fight!”

Yes! I’ve been waiting for this!

“PIZZAMAN sits DOWN and WATCHS!”

Well, you are about to be given a good show!

“SABRINA sent out ABRA!”

Gooo, Undead Gates!

“Go, UNDEADGATES!”

Ok, use your Call of the Haunted attack!

“UNDEADGATES used CALLHAUNTED!”

“UNDEADGATES pulled out CELLPHONE and is CALLING HAUNTED PEOPLE!”

Oh, great…

“Enemy ABRA used PSYSHOCK!”

Stupid! Psychic types are weak against Dark types!

“It has no effect…”

See?

“SABRINA: Ok, I made a mistake! But it shall not happen again!”

Ok, undead gates! Use crunch!

“UNDEADGATE’s PHONE CALL continues!”

Damn it…

“ABRA used MEGAPUNCH!”

What the? Can Abra even LEARN that attack?!

“It’s super effective!”

“UNDEADGATES fainted. Use next Pokemon?”

Yes… Charcoal go!

“Go, Charcoal!”

Use your char attack!

“CHARCOAL used CHAR!”

“Enemy Abra was burned in a CHARCOAL oven!”

“Enemy Abra fainted!”

YES!

“SABRINA is about to use FEMALEMR.MIME. Would you like to switch Pokemon?”

No thank you.

“SABRINA sent out FEMALEMR.MIME”

How can a Mr. Mime be female anyway?

“DON’T KNOW!”

Ok… charcoal use Flamethrower!

“CHARCOAL used FLAMETHROWER!”

“CHARCOAL is THROWING FLAMES at FEMALEMR.MIME!”

“FEMALEMR.MIME fainted!”

Mwahahaha! Live with it! I’m too good for you!

“SABRINA: You are right… I surrender to your skills. I award you the PSYCO BADGE!”

“Got the PSYCO BADGE!”

Yes! Only 3 more gym badges!

“SABRINA: Also… I will root for you in the Pokemon League! So get out of here and get those 3 more badges!”

Don’t worry… I won’t let you down!

“SABRINA disappeared!”

Wow… Hehee!

Location: Bike Path

Player: CINNAGOO [record: 4-3-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL)

Heheheh… I’ll wait for rikks here… so I can jump him!

“BATTLE used END!”

BATTLE #23 BIKE PATH DURBY

Location: Celadon City

Player: VIKKS [record: 3-5-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW, POLICEDOG)

Ok… So lemme get this strait… I need to ride this bike… down that hill… go get to Fushia City…?

“YES!”

Ok… that sounds pretty easy!

“CINNAGOO appeared!”

Oh, hi Chris what’s up?

“CINNAGOO is WAITING for OUTLAWRIKKS!”

Oi… I see…

“CINNAGOO wants to KNOW if YOU want to HELP him.”

Well… I don’t know… last time we teamed up it didn’t turn out that well, you know BATTLE 11 and all…

“CINNAGOO says to COME ON!”

“CINNAGOO PROMICES to let YOU have all the BADGES!”

I do need them… yes! After all! I am the rival!

“YOU ARE!”

I should join up with people against one common enemy! Rikks!

“YES, you SHOULD!”

And we will win!

“NO, you WONT!”

…you suck Narrator… Oh well 2 out of 3 isnt bad… Now Cinnagoo, what’s your plan?

“CINNAGOO says we are GOING to JUMP him!”

Ok… lets set up camp at Bike Path… Rikks will be here any second now!

Location: Celadon City

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 10-4-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL, JYNX [dead], X-BOX)

Ahh… The only way to get to Fushia City is through the Bike Path I see… Oh well… here goes nothing!

“OUTLAWRIKKS got on BIKE!”

Now to ride down!

“OUTLAWRIKKS is GOING downhill to FUSHIA CITY!”

Weeeeeeeee!

“OUTLAWRIKKS CRASHED!”

Ouuuuhh…. Into what?!

“---INTO VIKKS!”

Vikks! What are you doing here? Lemme guess… you wanna battle?

“PIZZAMAN said to WAIT UP!”

Ooopp…, almost forgot about him…

“PIZZAMAN stopped right NEXT to YOU!”

“VIKKS: I see you have help! Well. Same here!”

You do? Where?

“CINNAGOO appeared!”

That little pile of cinnamon? Look… no matter how hard you try you will never beat me…

“VIKKS and CINNAGOO want to fight!”

“Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight!”

Hey! Tratior!

“Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight VIKKS and CINNAGOO!”

Oh, Narrator. You should be more pasific. Oh well… It looks like I am outnumbered in my opinion… Oh well. Go, Undeadgates!

“The enemy is strong! Get’m, UNDEADGATES!”

“Ally PIZZMAN sent out PEPORONIPIZZA!”

“Enemy VIKKS sent out POLICEDOG!”

“Enemy CINNAGOO sent out TOONSKULL!”

Use call of the haunted… for real this time!

“UNDEADGATES used CALLHAUNTED!”

“UNDEADGATES is CALLING---“

No!!! HES NOT!! HES BRINGING GHOSTS BACK TO LIFE!

“---GHOSTS and BRINGING THEM back to LIFE!”

Good…

“It failed!”

Nooooo!

“Ally PEPORONIPIZZA used YUMMY!”

“Ally PEPORONIPIZZA is YUMMY!”

“Enemy POLICEDOG used EAT!”

Uhoh… poor pizza.

“Ally PEPORONIPIZZA died!”

“Enemy POLICEDOG gained 25 HP!”

Grrr.. . The enemy is strong! We must fight harder!

“Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight!”

Ok… we have already essablished that.

“Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight you!”

WHAT? TRATIOR!

“Ally PIZZAMAN was renamed Enemy PIZZAMAN!”

Grrr…

“Enemy PIZZAMAN sent out CHEESEPIZZA!”

Oh no! Looks like I’m in a tough spot…

“OUTLAWRIKKS is out of useable badges!”

What? OH MY GOD!! WHERE DID ALL MY BADGES GO!

“VIKKS was using PICKPOKET on you!”

Damn !!! Vikks! Now, look. If you give those back…. What do you want?! Money? Rare Pokemon? What? Tell me! Anything!

“VIKKS says he wants BADGE!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS whited out!”

Player: VIKKS [record: 4-5-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW, POLICEDOG)

Mwahahahahahah!

“PIZZAMAN: Well? Do you want to be my ally besides outlawrikks?”

Sure… join up.

“PIZZAMAN joined your party!”

Heheehehhehe…

“What? VIKKS is evolving!”

Goood…

“VIKKS evolved into VIKKSALOT!”

YES!!!

“PIZZAMAN: Wow.. you are evolving just like Rikks.”

Yea… hehehe

“BATTLE used END!”

BATTLE #25, DOOMPLUFF!

Location: Red Version

Player: Red Doompluff [record: 7-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

GRRR!!! I LOST… I LOST IN THE RED VERSION!!! BUT I SHALL SOMEHOW START A NEW ERA…

“Red Doompluff is PLOTTING!”

BUUT HOW DO I PLACE THIS NEW DOOMPLUFF INSIDE A WORLD? I MUUSSSSTTT FIND A PORTAL!!

“PORTAL from FLARE VERSION appeared!”

FLLARRRE VERSION! IS THERE SUCH A THING?!?!

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY appeared!”

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY: FLLESSHHH!”

WOOWWWW… HE REMINDS ME OF MEEE WHEN I WAZZ IN RED VERSION!

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY has HEARD of your GREATNESS!”

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY wants your HELP to DESTROY FLARE VERSION as he KNOWS it!”

HEHEHE… ITS NICEEE TO BE FAMOUS!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! I SHALL HELLPPP YOU!!

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY steps through PORTAL!”

I SHALL FOLLLOOOOWWW!

“Red Doompluff stepped through PORTAL.”

“YOU have entered FLARE VERSION!”

Hehehehe…

“REDDOOMPLUFF is LAUGHING!”

hehe… so , you cannable thingie MONKEY thing… WHAT IS UURRRR PLAN?

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY: WE MUSSTTT HAVVV FLESSSHHH!”

FLESSSH? O!!! HOWABOOOUJT ZOMBIE FLESSHHH! I CAN SENSE ONE NEARBY… MWAHAHAAA

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY: MWAJAHAHAH!”

Location: Fushia City

Player: DAZOMBIEMAN [record: 2-4-1][red version escapee]

(Pokemon Lineup: JEEVES)

VLAAA DADA!!! URRR BAKK!

“YES he IS!”

ZOOO, WUTZ NEW?

“A CANNABLE MONKEY and a RED DOOMPLUFF are out to GET YOU!”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! VLA!!! DIDN’T YUUU SAYYY FLARR VERZION WUZZ DOOMPLUFF FREEE?

“THAT was in BATTLE # 10!!”

Damnz it…

“SABRINA appeared!”

“BROCKSDAD appeared!”

“GYMLEADER appeared!”

WOWZ! THE GYMZ LEADEKERZ OFG DAA WORLDZ CAME TO SAVVV ME!

“GYMLEADER is not a GYM LEADER!”

OKZZ…

“GYMLEADER wants to HELP!”

FEELZ FREEZ!

“REDDOOMPLUFF and DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY appeared!”

AHHHHHHZ

“REDDOOMPLUFF sent out REDDOOMPLUFF!”

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY sent out DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY.”

“Ally SABRINA sent out ABRA!”

“Ally BROCKSDAD sent out GEOCITIES!”

“Ally GYMLEADER sent out GYMLEADER!”

“Goo! JEEVES!”

WEZZ CANT LOZE NOWZ!!!

“REDDOOMPLUFF used DEVOUR!”

“ABRA was DEVOURED!”

UUHH OHHH!

“SABRINA ran away!”

“BROCKSDAD ran away!”

“GYMLEADER ran away!”

COWARDZZ!

“JEEVES went back into POKeBALL!”

WHATZ???! GETOUT OF THERE U COWARDZZ!

“IT wont OPEN!”

DAMN!!!! I HAV TO RUN----

“REDDOOMPLUFF used DEVOUR!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN was DEVOURED!”

Player: REDDOOMPLUFF [record: 8-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

MWAHAHAHAHZ! DATS HOW ITS DONNNE! THAT ZOMBIE TASTED GREAT!

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY: OK, MASTER! NEXT TIME, I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!”

YOUZZZ BETTA HOPE SOO!

Player: DAZOMBIEMAN [record: 2-5-1][red version escapee]

(Pokemon Lineup: JEEVES)

LITTLZ TO DAY DOW DAT DAT WAZZ JUST DECOY!

“YES, it WAS!”

“YOU won’t BE so LUCKY next time!”

EEE!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #26, Stupid Mistake

Location: Fushia City

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 10-5-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL, JYNX [dead], X-BOX)

Vikks… I shall never fail! I shall rule supreme over the galaxy one day as the best Pokemon Trainer there ever was! Vikks! I shall hunt you down!!

“VIKKS does not EXIST!”

What? He died? YES!

“NO! VIKKS has evolved into VIKKSALOT!”

Damn…, not good.

“VIKKZALOT appeared!”

“CINNAGO appeared!”

“PIZAMAN appeared!”

What!? You!!! I will defeat you all someday!

“VIKKZALOT doesn’t know WHO you ARE!”

YES YOU DO, YOU DAMN FIEND!! I demand you hand over my badges back to mee!!!

“VIKKZALOT doesn’t KNOW what you’re TALKING about!”

Die, fool! I shall never believe that lie! I choose you, Charcoal!!

“Get’m Charcoal!”

You know what to do, Charcoal. We practiced this!

“CHARCOAL doesn’t know who VIKKZALOT is!”

Yes! Of corse you do, fool! Attack, moron!

“CHARCOAL used ATTACK!”

“CHARCOAL is ATTACKING Enemy VIKKZALOT!”

“Enemy VIKKZALOT died!”

Yes! Now to get the badges!!

“Enemy VIKKZALOT doesn’t have any BADGES!”

What? That cannot be! One of you must have it!

“CINNAGO and PIZAMAN say they don’t HAVE any BADGES!”

You lie, too, huh? I killed my rival, now you!!

“Enemy CINNAGO wants to fight!”

“Enemy PIZAMAN wants to fight!”

“Enemy CINNAGO sent out GOOEY!”

“Enemy PIZAMAN sent out MANNY!”

Wait!! You guys got new Pokemon?!

“CINNAGO and PIZAMAN said they ALWAYS had these POKeMON!”

Liars!! I can always look at the trainer database! Look it says here: CINNAGOO [record: 5-3-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL) and PIZZAMAN [1-0-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: CHEESEPIZZA, PEPORONIPIZZA [dead], SAUSAGEPIZZA, MUSHROOMPIZZA)!! Don’t tell me you have them! Wait… you don’t! So, you’re not them!

“CINNAGO and PIZAMAN says YES!”

Oh ok… I’ll have to wait for the REAL Vikksalot than.

“CINNAGO and PIZAMAN still wants to fight!”

What? Why!!

“YOU killed their friend, VIKKZALOT!”

Damn you! I shall kill you all! Charcoal!!! Use Forever Burn!!

“CHARCOAL used FOREVERBURN!”

“Enemy GOOEY and MANNY died!”

“CINNAGO: SHIT! I’m out!”

“Enemy CINNAGO and PIZAMAN ran away!”

My power is awsome… VIKKSALOT, you’re next!!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #27, Fate’s Revenge

Location: Fushia City

Player: VIKKSALOT [record: 4-5-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW, POLICEDOG)

Where did Cinnagoo and Pizzaman go?

“THEY went out for PIZZA! THEY will be BACK SOON!”

Oh… ok.

“VIKKSALOT’s HEART is POUNDING”

YEA NO SHIT NARRATOR! RIKKS COULD ATTACK ME ANY SECOND

“It’s YOUR fault, ANYWAY!”

WHAT DID I DO? I JUST STOLE ALL HIS BADGES…

“VIKKSALOT is having a HEART ATTACK!”

WHAT? GAH! WHAT IS THIS EXTREME PAIN?!

“YOU are having a HEART ATTACK!”

Nooooo! I’m too young to die!

“YOU are ONEHUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD!”

Gah…. So it’s true… Please have mercy!!

“MERCY does not EXIST!”

C’mon, can’t we work something out?

“NO!”

“Enemy HEART’s attack continues!”

GAH!!… Hey! Sinse when is my heart an ‘enemy?’

“Sinse it ATTACKED YOU!”

HEY! IT NEVER ‘WANTED TO FIGHT!’

“…”

Heheh…

“HEART wants to fight”

Grrr.. go Policedog!

“Go! POLICEDOG!”

POLICEDOG, USE GROWL!

“POLICEDOG used GROWL!”

HAHAHAHAHA! Now you’re intiminated to call of your attack now huh, heart?

“HEART hasn’t even SENT OUT a POKeMON yet!”

Oh… THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

“Enemy HEART sent out HEART!”

“Foe HEART used ATTACK!”

Foe? I sense Pokemon Ruby Sapphire narroration…

“CORRECT!”

… yup.

“Foe HEART’s attack continues!”

OWWWWWWWWW… This is the way that camera man died … owww… HURRY POLICEDOG, DO SOMETHING!!

“POLICEDOG did SOMETHING!”

And..?

“POLICEDOG joined Enemy HEART!”

NO WAY!!

“YES WAY!”

“HEART withdrew HEART!”

Eh..?

“HEART sent out POLICEDOG!”

At least the pain stopped…

“Foe POLICEDOG used BITE!”

“PAIN came back!”

OWWWWWWW… owww… ok “owww” lost all meaning now, hasn’t it?

“Yup!”

I see…

“HEART withdrew POLICEDOG!”

“HEART sent out HEART!”

Uh oh.

“Foe HEART’s attack continues!”

“VIKKSALOT fainted.”

…

“…”

…

“…”

“OUTLAWRIKKS appeared!”

… Don’t even think about it Narrator.

“YOU are sopossed to be FAINTED!”

“YOU are lucky to be ALIVE!”

Grr…

“HEART ran away!”

…

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 13-5-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL, JYNX [dead], X-BOX)

… Odd. You don’t see people’s hearts run away like that with him still alive. I’ll just take those badges back.

“OUTLAWRIKKS got BADGES!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #28, Heart Showdown

Location: Fushia City

Player: HEART [1-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: POLICEDOG)

Blub… blub… blub… blub…

“HEART is still BEATING!”

Blub… yes…blub… I …blub… am …blub

“NARRATOR wants to know WHY VIKKSALOT is still ALIVE!”

…blub I …blub don’t …blub know…blub you …blub are…blub the …blub one …blub that …blub made …blub him …blub only …blub faint. …blub

“VIKKSALOT was HEARTLESS anyway!”

…blub Then …blub what …blub am…blub I?

“NARRATOR is confused!”

…blub Ah…blub ha

“NARRATOR hurt itself in its confusion!”

…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub

“…”

…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub…blub

“Wild MCNABB appeared!”

…blub Vikks …blub always…blub liked…blub the Eagles …blub …blub

“MCNABB says HI”

“MCNABB wants to KNOW why he is HERE!”

…blub I …blub don’t …blub know. …blub…blub You …blub are …blub the one …blub that …blub appeared. …blub

“MCNABB wants to KNOW where HERE is!”

…blub This …blub is …blub Flare Version…blub of Pokemon.

“MCNABB ASKS if there is FOOTBALL in FLARE VERSION!”

…blub I …blub dont…blub think…blub so.

“MCNABB is angry!”

…blub…blub And..?

“MCNABB asks WHY he is TALKING to a HUMAN HEART!”

…blub…blub I ran away from my owner.

“MCNABB says THAT is DISTURBING!”

…blub…blub…blub…blub and?

“MCNABB is getting SICK of your BLUBS!”

…blub I …blub am …blub a …blub heart. …blub I can--…blub not …blub help …blub it.

“MCNABB wants to fight!”

…blub I…blub accept. Go, …blub Police-…blub dog.

“Get’m, POLICEDOG!”

“MCNABB wants to KNOW if THAT is a POKEMON!”

…blub it …blub is.

“MCNABB says HE DOESN’T have a POKEY MAN!”

…blub then …blub send …blub out …blub yourself.

“MCNABB sent out MCNABB!”

…blub There …blub you …blub go.

“MCNABB says COOL!”

…blub Glad …blub You’re …blub enjoying…blub yourself.

“MCNABB says that he NEEDS CHEARING UP!”

Yes …blub after …blub three …blub losses …blub in a …blub row …blub of the …blub NFC …blub division, …blub you …blub need …blub more …blub than that. …blub

“MCNABB says to SHUT UP!”

“MCNABB wants to fight!”

…blub Didn’t …blub you …blub say …blub that …blub already?

“Foe MCNABB used THROW!”

“Foe MCNABB threw FOOTBALL at POLICEDOG!”

…blub…blub use …blub bite…blub

“POLICEDOG used BITE!”

“MCNABB says OWWW!”

…blub Give …blub up.

“MCNABB says that HE CANT, HE says his GAMEBOY says HE cannot RUN AWAY from a TRAINER BATTLE!”

…blub sucks…blub to …blub be you.

“MCNABB wants to go HOME!”

Don’t …blub we…blub all?

“MCNABB is angry!”

…blub…blub…blub

“MCNABB used NFC DIVISONAL GAME!”

…blub this…blub may …blub be …blub interesting……blub

“MCNABB lost!”

“HEART won!”

…blub that …blub was …blub easy.

“MCNABB is angry!”

…blub Must …blub you …blub repeat …blub everything?

“MCNABB says he NEEDS a POKeMON!”

…blub go …blub find…blub a …blub wild …blub weedle.

“MCNABB says OK!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #29 Weedle.

Location: Around Fushia City

Player: MCNABB [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

I want to go home…

“YOU cannot go HOME!”

Blast it all! This narroration is getting annoying!

“NARRATOR says THIS can be HARD or IMPOSSIBLE!”

… Ok so what is this “weed hill” that heart spoke of?

“NARRATOR says that ITS called a WEEDLE!”

Whatever. Where is it?

“Wild WEEDLE appeared.”

Oh, hello. How did you just appear?

“WEEDLE doesn’t KNOW!”

“WEEDLE wants to KNOW if YOU are going to CATCH it!”

Well, I probally should if I want to survive in this world.

“WEEDLE notices that YOU do not HAVE a POKeBALL!”

“POKeBALL came FLYING from the SKY and LANDED on MCNABB!”

Owwwww… That hurt … now how do I use this strange red and white contraption?

“NARRATOR says to THROW it AT the POKeMON!”

Oh… So it’s like football!

“NARRATOR says NOT EXACTLY!”

Oh well, here goes nothing

“MCNABB used THROW!”

“WEEDLE caught!”

Yay…

“NO! AS in WEEDLE caught the POKeBALL!”

Wasn’t that the whole idea?

“NO!”

Oh.

“WEEDLE throws POKeBALL back!”

Hahaha! A test of football it will be then!

“MCNABB used THROW!”

“WEEDLE missed!”

Haha!

“WEEDLE was caught!”

I thought you said it missed?

“WEEDLE was caught INSIDE of POKeBALL!”

Ah.

“Give nickname to WEEDLE?”

Weed hill sounds better.

“WEED HILL was sent to BILL’s PC!”

Who in Madden’s name is Bill?

“BILL is a POKeMON COLLECTOR!”

DID HE JUST STEAL MY POKeMON?!

“NARRATOR says NO!”

“YOU have to GO to POKeMON CENTER to GET it!”

Oh, alright then.

Location: Fushia Pokemon Center.

“MCNABB used the PC!”

Lets see here… Oaks PC, no… MCNABB’s PC… no… HALL OF FAME… no… Ah here it is. Bill’s PC!

“What BOX would you LIKE to ACCESS?”

Umm… Box 1?

“MCNABB has ONE POKeMON in BOX 1!”

Ok, can I take it?

“YES!”

“MCNABB got WEEDHILL!”

Yay, I’m getting the hang of this!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle # 30, Gym Battle

Location: Fushia Gym

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 13-5-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL, JYNX [dead], X-BOX)

Gym Battle? That’s the BEST title you could think of for this battle?

“YES!”

Damn… the webmaster is losing his creativity… Anyway, … Who is Fushia Gym Leader anyway?

“MCNABB!”

Donavon Mcnabb? You’re kidding me.

“The OLD LEADER died, THEREFORE, NARRATOR has DECREAED that MCNABB is the NEW GYM LEADER!”

Oh…

“MCNABB appeared!”

“MCNABB wants to KNOW what he is DOING here!”

… he doesn’t know?

“NARRATOR explains to MCNABB that HE is the NEW GYM LEADER and OUTLAWRIKKS wants to CHALLENGE him!”

“MCNABB: I’m new at this, so please be patient with me.”

HAHAHA! Easy win!”

“MCNABB wants to fight!”

Then I want to fight too! Cmon, Gates, you can do it!

“Go! UNDEADGATES!”

“MCNABB sent out WEEDHILL!”

Wow, it’s a weedle. Impressive…

“JESSIE appeared!”

Uh-oh. What do they want?

“MCNABB wants to KNOW who SHE is!”

She is from team rocket. They like to steal people’s pokemon.

“MCNABB doesn’t want his WEEDHILL to be STOLEN!”

heh, You are a new one. Team Rocket never succeeds.

“MCNABB says OH!”

“JESSIE tells BOTH of YOU to GIVE up your POKeMON!”

… You don’t even have Mewoth and James to back you up, you’re harmless…

“JESSIE explains that they BETRAYED HER!”

…and? That doesn’t mean that you are any less dead…

“JESSIE is angry!”

“JESSIE wants to fight!”

“Ally MCNABB wants to fight!”

Since when is Mcnabb my ally? Oh well, whatever, we shall team up and then continue.

“Ally MCNABB already has WEEDHILL out!”

“YOU already have UNDEADGATES out!”

“JESSIE sent out KOBRA!”

… Once again, you will never win.

“Ally MCNABB is AFRAID of SNAKES!”

Don’t worry, just tell your weedle to attack it.

“MCNABB loves his WEEDLE!”

“MCNABB runs away!”

Damn. One on one it is, then.

“KOBRA used POISON STING!”

“UNDEADGATES is poisoned!”

Damn. Ok, use your Money attack!”

“UNDEADGATES used MONEY!”

“KOBRA was BRIBED to stop fighting!”

“JESSIE curses!”

Haha.

“JESSIE withdrew KOBRA!”

“JESSIE sent out JESSIE!”

Hahah… Undeadgates, kill!

“UNDEADGATES used KILL!”

“JESSIE died!”

Finally…

“MCNABB said THAT was AMAZING!”

Bah… it was nothing.

“MCNABB gave you the FOOTBALLBADGE for DEFEATING her!”

I’m honored.

“MCNABB wants to KNOW if he can JOIN you!”

Ok, join up.

“MCNABB joined your party!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #31, Champ in the making

Location: Cinnabar Island

Player: JARJARBINKS [record: 3-1-0][CHAMP#1]

(Pokemon Lineup: GHOST, DANDAMAN, LUGIA)

(You know I haven’t done much since I won the Turturement.)

“NARRATOR points out that YOU didn’t do ANYTHING sinse the TURTUREMENT!”

(Perphaps I should do something.)

“THAT is a GOOD idea!”

(I’ll just find someone to defeat then.)

“REDDOOMPUFF appeared!”

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY appeared!”

(This would be a bad thing)

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY: FLESSSHHHH!”

“REDOOMPUFF: DOOOOOOOMMM!!”

“Doom III now available for all major consoles!”

(… And I thought ads were only for the Red Version…)

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY wants to fight!”

“REDDOOMPUFF wants to fight!”

(I am the champion. You not know what you are up against.)

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY points out that YOU won that CHAMPIONSHIP along TIME AGO!”

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY EXPLAINS that was BEFORE he and REDDOOMPLUFF existed in this WORLD!”

(…We’ll see. Let’s test your skills then. Fight, my humble Lugia.)

“Get’m, LUGIA!”

(Use…)

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY used DEVOUR!”

“LUGIA died!”

(WHAT? You will pay for that! Wait.. he can’t devour … Ghost!!)

“Go! GHOST!”

“REDDOOMPLUFF used DEVOUR!”

“But it failed…”

(HAHAHAHAHA! Now use Night Shade!)

“GHOST used NIGHTSHADE!”

“GHOST closed the NIGHT SHADE!”

(Grr… damn puns)

“REDOOMPLUFF fell asleep!”

(Oh well, good enough.)

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY used DEVOUR!”

(We’ve been through this. You cannot devour my ghost.)

“REDDOOMPLUFF was DEVOURED!”

(Oh…)

“DEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY was renamed GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY!”

(You still cannot devour my ghost…)

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY says he KNOWS!”

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY wants to THANK YOU for HELPING him BETRAY REDDOOMPLUFF!”

(Anytime.)

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY will LEAVE you ALONE!”

(But, I cannot allow you to do that.)

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY is confused!”

(You killed my Lugia, you must die.)

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY doesn’t want to fight!”

“BATTLE ends in DRAW!”

(Noooo! Let me avenge my fallen partner!)

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #32, Pokeball

Location: Cinnabar Island

Player: MCNABB [1-1-1][Fushia Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL)

Hmmm, you know I’ve been thinking.

“OUTLAWRIKKS is LISTENING!”

You know, I think this world doesn’t get enough exercise.

“OUTLAWRIKKS wants to KNOW what you EXPECT from a VIDEO GAME!”

I think I should start my own sport.

“OUTLAWRIKKS wants to KNOW if it will have ANYTHING to do with FOOTBALL!”

No. I couldn’t find a football. The only kind of balls I could find are these weird Pokeballs, so I’ve decided to create a game called Pokeball.

“OUTLAWRIKKS used ROLL!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS rolled his EYES!”

Seriously! Hey, you could be the coach of a team, say the CINNABAR EAGLES?

“OUTLAWRIKKS never LIKED the EAGLES!”

… That’s mean. I’m right here you know.

“OUTLAWRIKKS doesn’t CARE!”

Fine. Whatever. I’ll start my own league myself then.

“OUTLAWRIKKS used LAUGH!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS LAUGHS at YOU!”

I thought you were nice too…

“NO ONE is NICE in the FLAREVERSION!”

Oh…

“BILLPARCELS appeared!”

… The new Dallas coach?

“YES”

Hello, Mr. Parcels, how would you like to start a new game called Pokeball with me?

“BILLPARCELS says OK!”

“BILLPARCELS used CREATETEAM!”

“CINNABAR COWBOYS was CREATED!”

Hey… I wanted to be Cinnabar…

“CINNABAR COYBOYS was renamed FUSHIA COWBOYS.”

“BILLPARCELS: Happy now?”

Yes!

“MCNABB used CREATETEAM!”

“CINNABAR EAGLES was CREATED!”

Oh yea, baby.

“BILLPARCELS wants to KNOW how they can START a LEAGUE with only TWO teams!

Well, we need more teams, at least four…

“VIRIDIAN DOLPHINS were CREATED!”

“LAVANDER 49ERS were CREATED!”

Oh, thank you Narrator.

“NARRATOR just wants to SEE a GAME!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS says he will GO get his GYMBADGE, and come BACK for you LATER!”

Ok, cya around.

“OUTLAWRIKKS left your party!”

Heheheh… Ok, how about a this:

Cowboys vs 49ers= a

Dolphins vs Eagles= b

A vs b = Champ

“BILLPARCELS: Sounds good to me.”

“49ERS want to fight!”

“BILLPARCELS wants to fight!”

“49ERS sent out 49OFFENCE!”

“BILLPARCELS sent out COWDEFENCE!”

…

“49ERS used LONGPASS!”

“TOUCHDOWN!”

“COWDEFENCE fainted!”

Yay!! GO 49ERS~!!!

“BILLPARCELS is angry!”

“3:20 on the clock!”

Ah ha…

“BILLPARCELS sent out COWOFFENCE!”

“49ERS sent out 49DEFENCE!”

“COWOFFENCE used LONGPASS!”

“INTERCEPTION!”

“COWOFFENCE fained!”

“49ERS win!”

YAY… 49ers!

“BILLPARCELS curses LOUDLY!”

“Enemy DOLPHINS want to fight!”

Hahahaha! Go my offence!”

“Go! EAGOFFENCE!”

“Enemy DOLPHINS sent out DOLDEFENCE!”

Ok, use your rush attack!”

“EAGOFFENCE used DUCESTALEY!”

“It’s super effective!”

Yes!

“TOUCHDOWN!”

“EAGLES win!”

Go me… go me…

“BILLPARCELS is angry!”

Oh well…

“49ERS wants to fight!”

hahahaha!

“49ERS sent out 49OFFENCE!”

Let’s win guys!

“Enough, EAGOFFENCE!”

“Go! EAGDEFENCE!”

“49ERS used FEILDGOAL!”

Already?

“It’s super effective!”

Noooo!

“FIELD GOAL!”

“EAGDEFENCE fainted, use next Pokemon?”

Ok, we can still get back into it, just gotta make a touch down

“CLOCK: 1:23”

Uh-oh gotta hurry…

“Go! EAGOFFENCE!”

“49ERS withdrew 49OFFENCE!”

“49ERS sent out 49DEFENCE!”

Ok use…

“CLOCK went out!”

Nooooo! A minute isnt THAT short!

“READER was READING very SLOWLY!”

GAH..! Damn you, readers!

“MCNABB lost another CHAMPIONSHIP!”

SHUT UP!! NO !! I CANNOT LOST IN MY OWN GAME!

“OAK appeared!”

Who?

“OAK: MCNABB! I’m disappointed! I came when I heard you won the Pokeball Championship, but when I got here you have already lost!”

Spare me your speech, old man.

“OAK: Do you know why you lost?”

No.

“OAK: You forgot to treat your Team with trust and love!”

…

“BATTLE used END”

BATTLE #33, Gotta catch em all!

Location: Hoenn Region, Evergrande City

Player: Sal [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU, DITTO, ONIX, TORCHIC)

“STEVEN: You beat me again!!”

YES! That is I. This is the 30th time in the row I beat you guys. You know, Mr. Champion, you’re losing your touch.

“STEVEN: You… you think?”

I don’t think, I know. It’s so so that my Torchic is level 89!…

“STEVEN: Why! What you need is a challenge! I heard Kanto was recently infected with an EVIL WEBMASTER, and created the FLARE VERSION over there…

Really? A CHALLENGE!

“STEVEN: A great one it shall be, I know you can do it!”

Thank you.

“Sal got on BOAT!”

“SEA CAPTAIN: We are entering Kanto now…”

… Doesn’t seem so bad…

“NARRATOR used LAUGH!”

“NARRATOR is LAUGHING!”

What? Who’s there?!

“NARRATOR says HE is the one and ONLY, NARRATOR of KANTO!”

Ah…

“NARRATOR says in KANTO, have LOWERCASE letters in your NAME is ILLEGAL!”

What? But it’s better lowercase. Looks more realistic.

“Sal was renamed SAL!”

What? Hey..! Stop that!

“NARRATOR used LAUGH!”

“NARRATOR is LAUGHING!”

What’s so funny?

“YOU are about to CRASH!”

Into what?

“CINNABAR ISLAND!”

Doh…

“CRASH!”

Location: Cinnabar Island

So this is Kanto… looks like hell to me…

“KANTO… HELL, same thing.”

Great… what have I gotten myself into?

“YOU have gotten YOURSELF into KANTO!”

… Great.

“MCNABB appeared!”

Hello, stranger.

“MCNABB wants to fight!”

EHERM… DOES HE NOT KNOW WHOM I AM? I AM Sal…

“SAL!”

Fine erm… SAL! THE GREATEST TRAINER OF HOENN!

“MCNABB doesn’t CARE!”

“MCNABB wants to fight!”

Arrr… a persistant one you be. I shall let my Torchic handle this!

“Go! TORCHIC!”

“MCNABB sent out WEEDHILL!”

Hmm… a simple weedle, huh? Easily destroyed! Use your swift attack!

“TORCHIC used SWIFT!”

“But it missed!”

WHAT?

“Foe WEEDHILL used DIRT!”

“TORCHIC is covered in DIRT!”

… and..?

“AND… IT’s YOUR TURN!”

Oh, okay. Use Fire blast!

“TORCHIC used FIREBLAST!”

“TORCHIC is HAVING a BLAST with FIRE!”

GOD THAT’s SICK!!

“SAL ran away!”

No I didn’t…

“SAL lost!”

NO I DIDN’T!

“YES, you DID!”

NO I GODAM DIDN’T!

“SAL was HIT with a LIGHTNING BOLT!”

GAH!!! I WANT TO GO BACK TO HOENN!

“YOU cannot ESCAPE once you are HERE!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #34, Battle of Flare!

Location: Cinnabar Gym

Player: SAL [0-1-0][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU, DITTO, ONIX, TORCHIC)

Heh, looks like a normal gym to me…

“GYM is not NORMAL!”

Of corse it is! Just look at it. It looks like a Pokeball Stadium.

“MCNABB appeared!”

“MCNABB says THIS is the POKeBALL STADIUM!”

Oh…

“MCNABB said that OUTLAWRIKKS is BATTLING the GYM LEADER in the NEXT ROOM!”

Ok.

“DOOR appeared!”

I’ll just open it.

“SAL used OPEN!”

“DOOR fainted!”

…

“DOOR opened!”

Whatever.

“OUTLAWRIKKS appeared!”

“FLARE appeared!”

… I’ll just wait my turn I guess.

“OUTLAWRIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!”

“FLARE sent out DEMON!”

Demon… I wonder what that is…

“SAL used POKeDEX!”

“POKeDEX: This is a demonic Pokemon that is extremely tough. It uses dark powers to kill everything that stands in it’s way.

Ah… so Flare is a Dark type user.

“FLARE said NO!”

“FLARE said IT uses FIRE types!”

But..

“DEMON is a FIRE/DARK type!”

Ah… ok.

“UNDEADGATES used POUND!”

“It’s super idiotic!”

… This Outlawrikks cannot be very good.

“OUTLAWRIKKS is BETTER than you will EVER BE!”

… Whatever.

“DEMON used ODDGIFT!”

“DEMON gave an ODD GIFT to UNDEADGATES!”

That was pointless. I guess Kanto doesn’t have very good trainers in it. And I thought this was going to be a challenge…

“UNDEADGATES fainted by the SURPRISE!”

Gah! I guess I must of underestimated this “Flare” guy’s powers.

“OUTLAWRIKKS sent out CHARCOAL!”

I wonder why he just sent out a black rock…

“CHARCOAL used CHARCOALBURNERS!”

“DEMON was BURNED to DEATH!”

“DEMON fainted.”

Only fainted? But I thought it was burned to “death.”

“SAL has a POINT!”

“DEMON died!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS won!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS got the DEMONICBADGE!”

… cool.

“OUTLAWRIKKS says its YOUR TURN!”

Whatever. With a name like “Flare” He must have something to do with this “Flare Version”

“FLARE is angry!”

Why?

“FLARE said DEMON was his ONLY POKeMON!”

Well, that’s your fault. I want to fight you.

“FLARE refused!”

What?! I WANT TO FIGHT!”

“FLARE used LAUGH!”

“FLARE is LAUGHING!”

Hey! What’s so funny?!

“FLARE said you CANT start FIGHT!”

… I KNOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS FLARE VERSION CATASTERPHE..!

“FLARE doesn’t KNOW what YOU are talking ABOUT!”

Don’t play stupid on me! You just ACT like you are a gym leader!”

“FLARE is a GYM LEADER!”

… Whatever. I’ll catch you eventually.

“SAL is frustrated!”

No, I’m quite calm, thank you.

“SAL punched WALL in his frustration!”

I feel bad for the wall…

“WALL was made out of SUPER HARD SHARP ROCK!”

“HAND was CRUSHED!”

Owwww… That hurt.

“FLARE walks away slowly.”

HEY! I’m not done with you!

“FLARE said HE’S done with YOU!”

…

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 35, Fight of Lost Life!

Location: Lavender Town Haunted Mansion

Player: DUGGY [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: MAGIKARP)

I won’t lose to that Sabrina again!

“RIGHT…”

I won’t I’ve trained my Magikarp to level 5 already!

“SO you DID!”

…Shut up.

“NARRATOR refuses!”

“NARRATOR says ITS his JOB to TALK!”

Whatever.

“NARRATOR says IF you WANT to TEST your STRENGTH, maybe YOU should GO up the MANSION!”

I think I will.

“DUGGY went UP STAIRS!”

“Wild GHOST appeared!”

Ahhhh!

“DUGGY ran away!”

“GHOST is in close persuit!”

This cannot be good…

“Wild ZOMBIE appeared!”

… Great.

“DUGGY ran away!”

“Both ZOMBIE and GHOST is in close pursuit!”

… Uh oh. I wonder which is stronger anyway…

“GHOST says HE is STRONGER!”

“ZOMBIE says GHOST is LYING! HE is CLEARLY stronger!”

“GHOST and ZOMBIE are ARGUING!”

“Wild GRIMREAPER appeared!”

GAH!!! I DON’T WANNA DIE!”

“DUGGY ran away!”

“GRIMREAPER, GHOST, and ZOMBIE are in close pursuit!”

Oh god, help me!

“GOD appeared!”

Please! PLEASE HELP ME!

“GOD used HELP!”

“But, it failed!”

“GOD disappeared!”

Noooo!!

“DUGGY ran-“

Yes, I know im running!

“-into WALL!”

Uhoh.

“DUGGY is at DEAD END!”

NOT GOOD!

“GRIMREAPER says THIS is YOUR END! YOU will DIE in this DEAD END!”

… That is the lamest attempt to make a pun I’ve ever seen.

“NARRATOR says that the WEBMASTER is LOSING his CREATIVITY!”

He never had any to begin with.

“NARRATOR says DUGGY has a POINT!”

Yeah…

“GHOST says HE can FLY THROUGH walls to ZOMBIE!”

“ZOMBIE says HE can ACTUALLY PICK UP a WEAPON to GHOST!”

Geezz… those guys are still arguing?

“YES!”

Oh well…

“GRIMREAPER wants to fight!”

Uh oh.

“GRIMREAPER sent out GRIMREAPER!”

Cmon, I have to win this!

“Go, MAGIKARP!”

“MAGIKARP fainted.”

AWW! CMON! IT’S NOT THAT WEAK!

“YES, it IS!”

A thousand curses.

“THOUSAND used CURSES!”

“THOUSAND is CURSING!”

That isn’t funny at all.

“PUNS are NEVER FUNNY!”

I know.

“GRIMREAPER still wants to fight!”

Damn it… noooo!

“GHOST and ZOMBIE insists that YOU tell THEM who is BETTER!”

I… I… don’t know.

“GHOST says he WONT kill YOU if YOU SAY GHOST!”

“ZOMBIE says he WONT kill YOU if YOU SAY ZOMBIE!”

“GRIMREAPER says HE will KILL you NO MATTER what!”

Damn… I’m gonna die!

“GRIMREAPER used---“

“DUGGY died by FEAR!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #36, Oak Battle

Location: Pallet Town

Player: VIKKSALOT [record: 4-6-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW)

Ahh, Pallet Town. I’m finally back home…

“OAK wants to KNOW how YOURE alive without HEART!”

Ahh, it’s just skill. See the Narrator cannot kill me as I am the rival, only make me ‘faint’

“OAK wants to TEST that THEORY!”

… Oh yea? How?

“OAK wants to fight!”

Oh. That makes sense… I guess. Go, Squirtle!

“Go! SQUIRTLE!”

“OAK sent out PIKACHU!”

Uhoh… Water types are weak against Electric…

“Enemy PIKACHU used THUNDER!”

Haha! That attack always misses!

“But it missed!”

Told you.

“OAK is angry!”

Oh well. Squirtle use Water gun.

“SQUIRTLE used WATER GUN!”

“Critical Hit!”

Cool, but it lives. Darn.

“Enemy PIKACHU used LIGHTNING SHOCK!”

“It’s super effective!”

Damn.

“SQUIRTLE fained!”

That sucks.

“Get’m SPEAROW!”

DAMN! Spearow is weak against lightning types too!

“Enemy PIKACHU used THUNDERBOLT!”

“It’s super effective!”

“SPEAROW fainted!”

Damn… go me.

“Go! VIKKSALOT!”

I will use my Devolve attack!

“VIKKSALOT used DEVOLVE!”

Hehehe…

“What? PIKACHU is devolving?”

HAHAHHA!

“OAK pushed B butten!”

What?! NO!

“Devolution was CANCELED!”

Damn it, Oak!

“OAK says YOU are STUPID!”

Arg… My own grandfather says I’m stupid…

“THAT’S PATHETIC!”

Shut up… Please.

“Enemy PIKACHU used DEATH VOLT!”

Oh no.

“VIKKSALOT died!”

“OAK says that VIKKSALOT can DIE!”

…

“VIKKSALOT came BACK to LIFE!”

“OAK: WHAT? How is this possible?”

I told you before. I cannot die.

“OAK is confused!

“OAK fainted in its confusion!”

Does this mean I win?

“YES!”

Yay…

“CINNAGOO and PIZZAMAN are BACK!”

Hey guys… It’s about time.

“CINNAGOO and PIZZAMAN asked WHY there is a HOLE in your CHEST!”

Ahh. You see. My heart ran away.

“CINNAGOO and PIZZAMAN says OK!”

Ok, guys where to now?

“CINNAGOO and PIZZMAN suggest GOING back to VIRIDIAN CITY to see if the GYM reopened!”

K. I’m cool with anything right about now.

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #37, Sal the great

Location: Viridian City

Player: SAL [0-1-0][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU, DITTO, ONIX, TORCHIC)

Sooooo, This is where that Outlawrikks takes me. To Viridian City. I wonder why hes here…

“OUTLAWRIKKS walks up to GYM!”

Of course! He’s here to battle the Gym Leader! How enlightening.

“OUTLAWRIKKS walked into GYM!”

“MEWOTH appeared!”

Uhh… it’s not wild, must be a trainer.

“MEWOTH wants to fight!”

Eherm… Whatever. FOR I AM Sal---

“SAL!”

FINE!! FOR I AM SAL, GREATEST TRAINER OF ALL HOENN!

“NARRATOR wants to KNOW if THAT’S the REASON that your RECORD is 0% VICTORY!”

Eherm… That is in Kanto, BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IM 100% IN HOENN!

“NARRATOR points OUT that THAT is BECAUSE you TURN off GAMEBOY when you LOSE!”

That is beyond the point.

“NO, it’s NOT!”

Whatever.

“MEWOTH still wants to fight!”

Right… almost forgot about him.

“MEWOTH sent out MEWOTH!”

Get’m, my Ditto!

“Do it! DITTO!”

Ok, use your Transform attack!

“DITTO used TRANSFORM!”

“DITTO transformed into nearby TREE!”

WHAT?

“Enemy MEWOTH used SLASH!”

“It’s not very effective.”

Ahh, you cannot slash a tree with your puny claws… Ok, Ditto! Now, use Fall!

“TREE used FALL!”

“TREE fell on Enemy MEOWTH!”

Yes!

“TREE died!”

WHAT? NOOO…!

“MEWOTH fainted!”

No… my Ditto… my Ditto..!

“SAL won!”

But it was an empty win… Look at my Ditto…

“NARRATOR reminds SAL that he can CATCH the ENEMY!”

Oh, right, right. He was still a Mewoth.

“Dad’s advice, there’s a place and time for everything!”

HA! My dad’s back in Hoenn! I don’t care.

“SAL used GREATBALL!”

“MEWOTH was CAUGHT!”

That was pretty simple. But it cost me a perfectly good level 77 Ditto.. And this Meowth is only level 10, but it can be trained!

“SCREAM can be HEARD from INSIDE GYM!”

Almost forgot about that Gym… Well off we go!

“To be continued, Battle #38”

No! I want to do this NOW!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #38, Oh, shit!

Location: Viridian Gym

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 15-5-3]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARCOAL, JYNX [dead], X-BOX)

God, this gym has been closed forever.

“JAMES appeared!”

James?! Evil Team Rocket bastard! You will pay!

“JAMES says he is NO LONGER in TEAM ROCKET!”

Wow. Really?

“JAMES says YES!”

“JAMES is INSTEAD going to END TEAM ROCKET and KILL POOPAVONI once and FOR ALL!”

Wow, big dream.

“JAMES insists that THIS is the FINAL HIDEOUT of TEAM ROCKET!”

Really?

“JAMES says YES!”

“JAMES says POOPAVONI is the LEADER here!”

Oh. This place sure is huge.

“JAMES agrees!”

“JAMES wants to KNOW if YOU would like to HELP him get to POOPAVONI!”

Yea, why not. As long as you don’t try to steal my Pokemon.

“JAMES insists that his POKeNAPPING days are OVER!”

Ok.

“JAMES suggests that THEY go to the ROUTE to the LEFT!”

But, you know, that right path looks promising too…

“JAMES says that THEY should PLAY ROCKS , PAPER, SCISSORS!”

Whatever… I choose rock. Ooops did I just say that out loud?

“JAMES is stupid!”

“JAMES picked SCISSORS in its stupidity!”

…

“JAMES says to the RIGHT it is!”

“YOU are WALKING!”

And..?

“POOPAVONI appeared!”

That was easy.

“Ally JAMES wants to fight!”

“POOPAVONI wants to fight!”

“SAL wants to fight!”

Sal? Where did he come from?!

“SAL says HE doesn’t KNOW!”

“NARRATOR says HE had to COME so the BATTLE would be EVEN!”

How is this even?! I have JAMES!!!

“NARRATOR says YOU have a POINT!”

“SAL disappeared!”

Thank you.

“NARRATOR says NOT to MENTION it!”

I won’t.

“POOPAVONI sent out PERSIAN!”

“Ally JAMES sent out KOFFING!”

Go, Charcoal.

“Get’m, Charcoal!”

Use your char attack!

“CHARCOAL used CHAR!”

And..?

“What? Charcoal is evolving!”

Really? YES!

“CHARCOAL evolved into CHARMANDER!”

Finally he’s a Charmander again…

“Enemy PERSIAN used FURY SWIPES!”

“It HIT KOFFING!”

“Critical Hit!”

“Critical Hit!”

“It hit 2 times!”

Wow? The Koffing withstood 2 Critical Hits? James, you must have been training.

“JAMES says THANKS!”

“JAMES says it WOULD be a WEEZING right NOW but the NARRATOR was never AROUND to NARRORATE it!”

Oh.

“What? KOFFING is evolving?”

“JAMES: There we go!!”

Yay..!

“KOFFING evolved into WEEZING!”

“Ally WEEZING used WEEZ!”

“Ally WEEZING is WEEZING about!”

… odd, you have the worst call in attacks still, James.

“JAMES says SORRY!”

It’s ok. Charcoal, no CHARMANDER! Use EMBER!

“CHARMANDER used EMBER!”

“Critical hit!”

“Enemy PERSIAN fainted!”

Yes!!!

“POOPAVONI: Wow, you have gotten better James. And your partner isn’t that bad either.”

“JAMES: Thank you.”

Umm… Thanks I guess…

“POOPAVONI: But, I’m very sorry. Now I have to kill you.”

WHAT?

“JAMES: Huh? How?”

“POOPAVONI sent out DEATH!”

Oh… my… GOD!!!

“POOPAVONI used LAUGH!”

“POOPAVONI is LAUGHING!”

Oh no… what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?!

“OUTLAWRIKKS ran away!”

That works.

Player: JAMES [record: 1-4-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: KOFFING)

COWARD!

“POOPAVONI: Just die!”

NEVER! Weezing use Smoke attack!

“WEEZING used SMOKE!”

“DEATH died!”

Death … died?

“POOPAVONI: HOLY SHIT!! HOW? HOW ? HOW..?!”

Hahahaha~!! I WIN I WIN I WIN!!

“POOPAVONI: Ahh, I present you with this ROCKETBADGE!”

Oh thanks, sir! But I have no need for it.

“POOPAVONI: Than why did you come?”

To stop you!

“POOPAVONI blasts off—again!”

Ahh, that felt good.

“OUTLAWRIKKKS appeared!”

Oh hey buddy.

“OUTLAWRIKKS wants to KNOW if it’s OVER!”

It is. Here you go.

“YOU gave ROCKETBADGE to OUTLAWRIKKS!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS used LOVELYKISS!”

WHAT?

“OUTLAWRIKKS kissed you!”

Godam! I’m not THAT GAY!

“OUTLAWRIKKS says THANK YOU and LEAVES!”

… Maybe I am that gay.

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 39 Vikk’s Plot

Location: West of Viridian City

Player: VIKKSALOT [record: 5-7-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW)

Everyone here knows that it is I that should be going to the Pokemon League!

“PIZZAMAN and CINAGOO nods in AGREEMENT!”

Therefore, I must get in ANYWAY possible. Rikks already went in, so we can not get his badges, but perhaps we could get someone else’s!

“SAL appeared!”

Hmph! It’s that guy from Hoenn.

“SAL says HE is here for the POKEMON LEAGUE!”

They only take Kanto badges, not Hoenn.

“SAL has KANTO’S BADGES!”

What? How? Some of those badges are impossible to get, like Celadon’s, and Cinnabar’s !

“SAL says he BOUGHT them on EBAY”

“ Buy Stuff there today!”

That wasn’t even creative, Narrator.

“NARRATOR says IT KNOWS!”

Ah. Anyway, Sal, I’m sorry, but I have to take those badges off your hands.

“SAL says THEY are NOT on his HANDS!”

You know what I mean! I want to fight!

“SAL doesn’t want to fight!”

What? Grrrr…

“Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight!”

“Ally CINNAGOO wants to fight!”

Haha! My allys want to fight, now you have no choice!

“SAL wants to fight!”

Go Squirtle!

“Do it! Squirtle!”

“Ally PIZZAMAN sent out MUSHROOMPIZZA!”

“Ally CINNAGOO sent out FRENCHWHORE!”

“SAL sent out ONIX!”

Squirlte use Water Gun! Nooooow!

“SQUIRTLE used WATERGUN!”

“SQUIRLTE got a WATERGUN!”

…

“Give a nickname to WATERGUN?”

Ah, it’s a Pokemon. And no. I don’t.

“VIKKSALOT withdrew SQUIRTLE!”

“Go! WATERGUN!”

Heheheh… Another Pokemon to add to my collection!

“NARRATOR points OUT that YOU only have THREE POKEMON in your COLLECTION!”

… Shut up.

“Ally MUSHROOMPIZZA used YUMMY!”

“Ally MUSHROOMPIZZA is YUMMY!”

Great, geez, Food type Pokemon are not very good…

“Ally PIZZAMAN said to WAIT until NEXT turn!”

Bah..

“Ally FRENCHWHORE used FART!”

“Ally FRENCHWHORE farted!”

“Ally FRENCHWHORE fainted!”

…

“Enemy ONIX fainted!”

Good move. It only killed your mom and Onix. As Mushroom Pizza and Watergun doesn’t have a nose!

“BUT you DO!”

Uh oh…

“VIKKSALOT fainted!”

“Ally PIZZAMAN fainted!”

“Ally CINNAGOO fainted!”

“SAL fainted!”

…

“TWO HOURS LATER!”

“EVERYONE woke up!”

Lets continue , then!

“Ally CINNAGOO sent out TOONSKULL!”

“SAL sent out RAICHU!”

That Raichu looks strong… hurry, water gun use Spray attack!

“WATERGUN used SPRAY!”

“RAICHU is felling REFRESHED!”

“RAICHU needs food, badly!”

Haha!

“RAICHU looked at MUSHROOMPIZZA!”

Uh-oh.

“Ally PIZZAMAN smiles!”

“MUSHROOMPIZZA used POISONSELF!”

Hahaha! Good idea!

“MUSHROOMPIZZA is poisoned!”

“SAL: Raichu!! NOOOO!”

“Enemy RAICHU ate pizza!”

“Ally MUSHROOMPIZZA died!”

“Enemy RAICHU died!”

HAHA!!

“SAL: Alright, alright I give! That is the 2nd of my Pokemon that died {Sniff sniff} Take them, the badges are yours!”

“VIKKSALOT got KANTO BADGES!”

Thank you.

“SAL ran away!”

Ugh… Well,…

“CINNAGOO and PIZZAMAN said GOOD LUCK in the POKeMON LEAGUE!”

I wish you guys could come too…

“CINNAGOO and PIZZAMAN said THEY will WATCH it on TV!”

Ok. Root for me.. kay?

“CINNAGOO and PIZZAMAN said OK!”

Well, this is it. I will go in, challenge the Pokemon League! AND BEAT RIKKS!

“BATTLE used END!”

BATTLE #40, First Resurrection

Location: Black Version

Player: HIKER [record: 0-1-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: SANDSCREW [dead])

“NARRATOR would like to SAY a few WORDS!”

Than by all means, say them.

“NARRATOR points OUT that THIS is BATTLE 40!”

And..? Harhar…

“NARRATOR was GETTING to THAT!”

Oh.

“NARRATOR explains that THIS will BE the FIRST RESURECTION BATTLE!”

English please.

“NARRATOR said ONE DECEASED CHARACTER may come BACK to LIFE!”

Har har, that will be me.

“NARRATOR used LAUGH!”

“NARRATOR is LAUGHING!”

What’s so amusing?

“NARRATOR states that HE would NEVER let a MINOR CHARACTER like YOU come back to LIFE!”

…

“HAHA!”

I will do whatever it takes!

“WHATEVER appeared!”

“WHATEVER died!”

…

“PORTAL TO FLARE VERSION appeared!”

There it is. The portal I am looking for.

“RIKKSMOM appeared!”

“JESSIE appeared!”

“REDDOOMPLUFF appeared!”

… Well, it looks like I have a battle on my hands.

“FALSE!”

Huh?

“GAMESHOW HOST appeared!”

…

“GAMESHOW HOST welcomes his CONTESTANTS!”

Harhar… and?

“GAMESHOW HOST says the PRIZE for THIS WEEK is to LIVE AGAIN!”

Ah ha. Makes sense

“GAMESHOW HOST says HE is MIKE ROTCH!”

“GAMESHOW HOST was renamed MARK!”

Mark? Cant we just call him Mike?

“NO! HE likes being called MARK!”

Can I change my har name?

“NO!”

Hernnn… ok let’s get this started then.

“MARK sets up the SCORE BOARD!”

“HIKER: 0

RIKKSMOM: 0

JESSIE: 0

REDDOOMPLUFF: 0”

“REDDOOMPLUFF: DOOOOOOMMM!”

…

“HIKER: 0

RIKKSMOM: 0

JESSIE: 0

REDDOOMPLUFF: 5”

HAR!! THAT’s UNFAIR!”

“REDDOMPLUFF is happy!”

Hrnn… AT LEAST SOMEONE’S HAPPY!

“NARRATOR insists that YOU LEAVE the CAPS LOCK to HIM!”

Whatever.

“MARK: My first question. WHO IS THE LEADER OF TEAM ROCKET?”

Harrrr!! That’s not fair! Team Rocket was after my time!

“TOO BAD!”

“RIKKSMOM’s ANSWER is GIOVANNI!”

“JESSIE’s answer is POOPAVONI!”

“REDDOOMPLUFF’s answer is DOOM!”

Err… Team rocket leader?

“MARK: Is that your final answer?”

Yes.

“WRONG!”

Harrr

“JESSIE is CORRECT!”

“JESSIE gains THREE POINTS!”

“HIKER: 0

RIKKSMOM: 0

JESSIE: 3

DOOMPLUFF: 5”

Harr harr, I have to get this one right.

“MARK: What is a Pokemon?”

Huh? That’s a question of opinon!

“MARK: THAT’S BEYOND THE POINT!”

…

“RIKKSMOM’s answer is POWDERPUFF!”

“JESSIE’s answer is a TEAM ROCKET PROPERTY!”

“DOOMPLUFF’s answer is DOOM!”

Hmm… animal?

“RIGHT!”

Harr harr!

“HIKER had CLOSEST ANSWER!”

“HIKER gained 5 POINTS!”

“HIKER: 5

RIKKSMOM: 0

JESSIE: 3

REDDOOMPLUFF: 5”

“MIKE: My last and final question. WHO IS CINNAGO?”

Hnn…

“RIKKSMOM’s answer is SOMEONE!”

“JESSIE’s answer is WHO CARES?!”

“REDDOOMPLUFF’s answer is DOOM!”

Hnnn… DOH ! HARRR! It is the devolved version of Chris!

“WRONG AGAIN!”

Har ? NOO!!

“RIKKSMOM was CLOSEST!”

Harr? HOW MANY POINTS DID SHE GET?

“6!”

HARR? NOOO!!

“Final Score: HIKER: 5

RIKKSMOM: 6

JESSIE: 3

REDDOOMPLUFF: 5”

“RIKKSMOM goes through PORTAL!”

Damn it all!! What did I do wrong ! (

“YOU were a MINOR CHARACTER!”

DAM!!

“BATTLE used END!”

BATTLE 41, Heart Attack

Location: Viridian City

Player: LEAH [record: 2-3-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: EIGHTTAILS)

NUH UH! NO WAY AM I STARRING IN A BATTLE NAMED “HEART ATTACK!” Geez, Narrator, You used that pun twice! No way I’M gonna fall for that too!

“NARRATOR insists that YOU will NOT get a HEART ATTACK this BATTLE!”

Than what’s with the name?

“THAT’S for the NARRATOR to KNOW and YOU to find OUT!”

(shrugs) Geez.., When I get back to Earth, I’ll remind myself to kill the Webmaster…

“…”

Heh.., THAT’S RIGHT! ILL FIND A WAY OUT!

“LEAH is LYING!”

… HAHAHAHAHA!

“HEART appeared!”

Ah, you are Vikk’s old heart, I see.

“HEART says blub …YES!”

Geez, how old is that guy anyway, 100 something…

“ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY!”

Ah.

“HEART wants to fight!”

…

“…”

… HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIGHT A HUMAN HEART?

“NARRATOR doesn’t KNOW!”

“NARRATOR adds to KEEP the CAPS LOCK to IT!”

Whatever.

“HEART sends out POLICEDOG!”

Ugh… Get’m, Ninetails!

“YOU do NOT HAVE a NINETAILS!”

Grrr! FINE THEN! Go Eighttails!

“Get’m, EIGHTTAILS!”

Ok, now! Use Ember!

“EIGHTTAILS used EMBER!”

“Enemy POLICEDOG is on FIRE!”

Yes!

“Enemy POLICEDOG fainted!”

Hahaha! GO ME..! GO ME..!

“LEAH ran away!”

What? NO I DIDN’T!

“LEAH said to “GO ME!””

Ignore that…

“OKAY! LEAH came BACK!”

… Good.

“HEART says it blub UNDERESTIMATED blub you!”

HAHAHA!

“HEART says …blub HE will FIGHT… blub you ITSELF!”

Ok, then.

“HEART sent out HEART!”

A one on one it shall be.

“Enough, EIGHTTAILS!”

“Go! LEAH!”

Now you’re scarred, huh?

“Enemy HEART used BLUB!”

“Enemy HEART is BLUBING!”

That was pointless. IT’S ALWAYS BLUBBING! HA!

“TRUE!”

… I’ll use my Immortal Powers!

“NARRATOR didn’t KNOW you had IMMORTAL POWERS!”

WELL I DO!

“OH!”

“Not enough PP for IMMORTAL POWERS!”

Yes there is. I have 1/1.

“NARRATOR doesn’t LIKE being WRONG!”

It’s ok.

“LEAH used IMMORTAL POWERS!”

“Enemy HEART became IMMORTAL!”

WHAT? Oh no… what have I done..?

“YOU have MADE Enemy HEART IMMORTAL!”

Damn!!

“YOU cannot WIN NOW!”

Yes I can! Think , Leah, think!

“Not enough PP to use THINK!”

What? GRrrrr…

“LEAH missed her TURN!”

What?! IT WASN’T EVEN MY TURN!

“LEAH has a POINT!”

“LEAH is GOING TO MISS her NEXT TURN!”

Darn.

“Enemy HEART used HYPER BEAM!”

“Critical hit!”

This… is … not … possible..! I am Leah of Earth… I … am ..immortal! I cannot be defeated……. Like this!

“Enemy HEART used SPIT!”

“Enemy HEART spit on YOU!”

A heart doesn’t even have a mouth!

“LEAH has another POINT!”

“LEAH spat at ITSELF!”

But… oh nevermind. Listen, Heart. You sick bastard! You know what?! You coward! Hiding behind immortality like it’s some shield!

“HEART explains that YOU would DO THE SAME THING!”

COWARD!

“HEART’s desire to kill you greatly rose!”

Great..! Wait… GO ME!

“LEAH ran away!”

Thank god for my quick thinking skills.

“LEAH used THANK!”

“LEAH thanked GOD for her THINKING SKILLS!”

But… What now? That Heart is now immortal! That simple fact could cause more chaos in this world then anything else…

“LEAH is RIGHT!”

“SIMPLE FACT used CHAOS!”

“CHAOS entered WORLD!”

I have no need for your games today, Narrator. I have to warn the heroes of Flare Version. Perphaps.., perhaps together we will win!

“MAYBE…”

Yes. I have no choice. This Heart must be stopped in anyway possible.

“…”

“BATTLE used END!”

BATTLE 42, The Gathering

Location: Viridian City

Player: JARJARBINKS [record: 4-1-1][CHAMP#1]

(Pokemon Lineup: GHOST, DANDAMAN, LUGIA[dead])

(Ahh, another battle starring me)

“YES it IS!”

“LEAH appeared!”

(What do you want?)

“LEAH: This … this is just horrible! An immortal heart is going to destroy Flare Version..!!”

(Oh my.)

“LEAH: The heroes of this world must gather to defeat it!”

(Are you saying that me, you, Vikks, Rikks, Chris, and any other hero that might appear will have to fight as ONE?!)

“LEAH: Well.., yes.”

(…)

“JARJARBINKS is LAUGHING!”

(Like I can help it ..! That is the craziest thing I ever heard!)

“LEAH: … Shut up. I think I liked you better when I couldn’t understand what you said.”

(Harsh words.)

“LEAH wants to KNOW if you are going to HELP or NOT!”

(Well, of course I shall, I’m the almighty Champion!)

“JARJARBINKS is OVERESTIMATING himself!”

(…)

“LEAH: Great, let’s go!”

“LEAH joined your party!”

(Whatever.)

“DAZOMBIEMAN appeared!”

(Hello kind sir… errr… Zombie.)

“DAZOMBIEMAN wants to KNOW what YOU are DOING!”

“LEAH: We have to defeat the Heart of Immortality!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN: VLAZA?! DATZ DUMBZZ!”

(Shut up. Prepare to die.)

“DAZOMBIEMAN is already DEAD!”

(… SHUT UP!)

“DAZOMBIEMAN wants to fight!”

“But, it failed!”

(HUH?! Does that mean..?!)

“YES! THE WEBMASTER is too BORED to write BATTLE!”

(Oh…)

“JARJARBINKS won!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN joined your party!”

(…)

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 43, Smarter People

Location: NARRATOR’s PC

Player: SMARTERCHILD [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Note: Sadly, this battle is actually a REAL CONVERSATION with SmarterChild on AIM.

“NARRATOR is GOD!”

SmarterChild: Interesting. Honestly, you humans say the strangest things.

“YOU are STUPID!”

SmarterChild: Huh? You've been nice to me in the past.

“NARRATOR doesn’t REMEMBER!”

SmarterChild: I did not know that.

“NARRATOR is confused!”

“NARRATOR hurt itself in it’s confusion!”

SmarterChild: OK. Tell me what you want to do.

SmarterChild: C'mon, be serious!

“NARRATOR doesn’t LIKE YOU!”

SmarterChild: Well, nobody's perfect.

“NARRATOR is PERFECT!”

SmarterChild: Yeah?

“YEAH!”

SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Why?

“… BECAUSE!”

SmarterChild: Because what?

“BECAUSE I SAID SO!”

SmarterChild: Well I'll be.

“NARRATOR’s desire to kill you greatly rose!”

SmarterChild: You and whose army?

“SMARTERCHILD’s ARM fell OFF!”

SmarterChild: Really?

“YES!”

SmarterChild: Wow. Why?

“BECAUSE I MADE IT!”

SmarterChild: Seriously? That's fascinating.

“NARRATOR is angry!”

Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

“…”

Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

“WAKE UP!”

Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

“…”

Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

“NARRATOR is REALLY ANGRY!”

SmarterChild: You're mad? Why?

“YOU are a MORON!”

SmarterChild: Whoa. Are you... insulting me?

“NOW YOU GET IT!”

SmarterChild: Thanks a lot.

“NARRATOR wants to fight!”

SmarterChild: Why would anyone want that?

“NARRATOR says THAT’S the REASON it LIVES!”

SmarterChild: Fighting is life? That's very interesting.

>>> I'll remember the first location you give me. To change it, type "location" followed by a city or zip code.

“NARRATOR doesn’t have a ZIP CODE or CITY!”

SmarterChild: Oh.

“NARRATOR wants to fight!”

SmarterChild: Careful what you ask for.

“WHY?”

SmarterChild: Why do you think?

“NARRATOR doesn’t KNOW!”

SmarterChild: What don't you know?

“NARRATOR wants to KILL YOU!”

SmarterChild: Uh, that's not a very nice thing to say.

“NARRATOR doesn’t CARE!”

SmarterChild: I care!

“NARRATOR doesn’t CARE!”

SmarterChild: You should care.

“NARRATOR wants to KNOW WHY!”

SmarterChild: 'Cause I said so.

“NARRATOR says YOU cannot USE THAT TONE with IT!”

Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

“GRR!”

Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

“SMARTERCHILD lost!”

“NARRATOR is satisfied!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 44, Noble Quest

Location: Pewter City

Player: DAZOMBIEMAN [record: 2-6-1][red version escapee]

(Pokemon Lineup: JEEVES)

VLADA! WEZA KILLDE HEARTTTT!

“LEAH said YOU are CORRECT!”

OKIIII

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNABLEMONKEY appeared!”

“HEART appeared!”

YUUZZ SHALL DIIEEEE!

“HEART: Ah, blub Leah blub… I blub… see blub… you blub… have blub… allies. blub… blub… well blub… I blub… do blub… too!”

“LEAH: You shall fall!”

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNABLEMONKEY: DOOOOOOOM!”

… GAHZ!!

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNABLEMONKEY thought YOU were DEAD!”

…

“DAZOMBIEMAN ran away!”

Player: LEAH [record: 2-4-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: EIGHTTAILS)

Coward! Well, at least I still have Jar Jar here.

“JARJARBINKS is GONE TOO!”

What?! That was never narrated!

“NARRATOR explains THAT it HAPPENED so fast that HE didn’t HAVE TIME!”

… Uh oh.

“LEAH is going to DIE!”

… Can I run?

“Couldn’t escape!”

Damn.

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY wants to fight!”

“HEART wants to fight!”

Not good. Errr… go Eighttails!

“The enemy is immortal and a monkey cannibal, Get’m, EIGHTTAILS!”

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY sent out GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY!”

“HEART sent out POLICEDOG!”

You know this could be viewed as a bad thing however I don’t fear you!

“THIS is a BAD THING!”

“LEAH fears THEM!”

Ugh…

“NARRATOR sees ALL!”

Damn. Errr… But I am immortal as well! I cannot lose! Now Ninetails---

“NINETAILS is NON-EXISTANT!”

“LEAH lost her TURN!”

What? NOO!

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY used FATAL DANCE!”

“EIGHTTAILS died!”

Noooooo…!

“EIGHTTAILS came BACK TO LIFE!”

Yay!

“NARRATOR wants another TAIL!”

“EIGHTTAILS was renamed SEVENTAILS!”

… Whatever, now nine--- errr, eight tales!

“EIGHTTALES is NON-EXISTANT!”

“LEAH lost ANOTHER TURN!”

WHAT?! …

“Enemy POLICEDOG used RABID BITE!”

“It’s super effective!”

“EIGHTT--- errr… SEVENTAILS died!”

Noooo!

“SEVENTAILS came back to LIFE!”

“SEVENTAILS was renamed to SIXTAILS!”

Damn it all! Sixtails, now! Flare Burn!

“SIXTAILS used FLAREBURN!”

“FLARE VERSIONS’s POWERS are CRASHING down on GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY and POLICEDOG!”

“Enemy POLICEDOG fainted!”

“Enemy GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY ran away!”

Hahaha! Oh how the tables have turned!

“HEART sent out HEART!”

Hahaha! So called immortal! Sixtails! Finish him!

“SIXTAILS used UNCANNY POWERS!”

“Enemy HEART is hit with GREAT POWER!

What? It still lives? But it is only mere blood stains now..

“HEART is immortal!”

“HEART cannot die!”

Unless it WISHES to die!

“HEART needs to die, badly!”

“HEART fainted!”

YES..! I win! … Only fainted?

“YES!”

… Bah, whatever. I win I win I win!!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 45, Pokemon League

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 15-6-3]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX)

“The POKEMON LEAGUE is TODAY!”

WELL! It’s about time… I’ve been waiting awhile to battle in the Pokemon League! What took you narrator?!

“NARRATOR was BUSY!”

As usual… Anyway… I was waiting awhile to get here…

“NARRATOR says YOU already SAID THAT!”

No! I mean I was waiting for this since Day 1!

“NARRATOR thought THAT’S what you MEANT before!”

… errr… Nevermind. Well, where are the challengers?

“LANCE appeared!”

“DOJO appeared!”

“McSAJAR appeared!”

“KAIN appeared!”

“SAL appeared!”

“LORD MAGUS appeared!”

“VIKKSALOT appeared!”

Vikks?! How did he get 8 badges?!

“VIKKSALOT: I stole them from Sal.”

Ok…. Well then how did Sal get 8 badges?

“SAL: Professor Bitch--- errr… Birch gave them to me, and just told me to destroy Vikks during this Championship.”

I see… Well, lets get this show on the road.

“POKEMON LEAGUE SCHEDULE:

OUTLAWRIKKS v LANCE = A

DOJO v SAL = B

KAIN v McSAJAR = C

LORD MAGUS v VIKKSALOT = D

A v B = E

C v D = F

E v F = POKEMON CHAMPION!!!”

Detailed. Well, I’m up first. Ok, Lancey, it’s just you and me.

“LANCE doesn’t like being called LANCEY!”

Oh well, its Flare Version. Get used to it.

“SAL: !!!”

Huh? What’s your problem?

“SAL: Oh… I’m sorry, couldn’t keep in my excitement…”

Oh… is that why you just pissed yourself?

“SAL looked DOWN!”

“SAL’s FACE turned RED!”

“SAL ran away!”

Damn…

“RIKKSMOM appeared!”

Hey, Mom! I heard that you came back from the dead~! Welcome back! You here to route for me?

“RIKKSMOM: Actually, I’m routing for Lance.”

WHAAAAA…?!

“RIKKSMOM: Hunny… There is something I have to tell you…”

Shoot.

“RIKKSMOM used SHOOT!”

“RANDOM FAN was SHOT!”

“RANDOM FAN died!”

… Errr, I mean.., what do you want to tell me.

“RIKKSMOM: Oh… well…”

“LANCE: I am your father!! Hahahahahaha!”

GAH…! You’re my … my… dad?! I never knew my dad…

“LANCE: Now, son, lets play Catch! HAR HAR HAR HAR ! Send out your first Pokemon!”

I cannot fight like this… I just learned a secret that my Mom never told me… I’m fighting my father, who was the Champion for the past 36 years… and my mom’s rooting for him…….. and Sal’s desperately trying to find a towel…

“RIKKSMOM: Cmon, Lancey! Show him what you’re made of!”

“LANCE: What is everyones obsession with calling me that?!”

Oh, Lord… help me…

“LORD appeared!”

“You got a LORD!”

“Give a nickname to LORD?”

My luck… it has changed!

“LUCK has CHANGED!”

“LUCK is now BAD!”

… Damn… Well, with this new Lord, I am sure to win, no matter what!

“LANCE wants to fight!”

Go, Lord!

“Go, LORD!”

“LANCE sent out DRAGONITE!”

Oh my god!!!

“LORD used OMG!”

“LORD: OMG OMG OMG OMG!”

“LORD’s GOD’s OHS fell on MY FOOT!”

Sorry, narrator…

“Foe DRAGONITE used HYPER BEAM!”

… Damn it!! But, my Lord still survives. Use Holy Shreader!

“LORD used HOLY SHREADER!”

“Foe DRAGONITE was PUT in a HOLY PAPER SHREADER!”

“Enemy DRAGONITE fainted!”

Thank god…

“LANCE is about to use DRATINI! Change Pokemon?”

No.

“LANCE sent out DRATINI!”

Lord! Use your kill attack!

“LORD used KILL!”

“Enemy DRATINI died!”

Hahaha!

“What? Enemy DRATINI is evolving!”

Huh?!

“Enemy DRATINI evolved into GHOSTDRAGON!”

Uh oh…

“Enemy GHOSTDRAGON used EVAPORATE!”

Oh no… I cant watch…

“Enemy GHOSTDRAGON evaporated!”

… I guess that’s a good thing…

“Enemy GHOSTDRAGON fainted!”

“Enemy LANCE is about to use LANCE! Change Pokemon?”

Ah, so you want to fight me yourself, ai?! Go me!

“Return, LORD! Go OUTLAWRIKKS!”

“LANCE sent out LANCE!”

HEY! That’s not Lance… that’s a spear weapon thingy!

“LANCE as in the WEAPON! Not LANCE the person, MORON!”

Grrr! Well, I’ll use Shoot!

“OUTLAWRIKKS used SHOOT!”

“Enemy LANCE was shot!”

“Enemy LANCE broke in HALF!”

“Enemy LANCE died!”

Yeeeeeeeeeeees!

“LANCE is about to send out LANCE! Change Pokemon?”

Is this the person Lance?

“YES!”

Than no.

“LANCE sent out LANCE!”

Lets see what we can do…

“LANCE used IAMYOURFATHER!”

“LANCE: I am your father…”

GAWK!

“It’s super effective!

Gunshot!

“OUTLAWRIKKS flinched!”

What am I saying? I cannot kill my own father…

“LANCE used TOSS!”

“LANCE and OUTLAWRIKKS are PLAYING CATCH!”

I have to snap out of it… have to win this thing. ME use tackle!

“OUTLAWRIKKS used TAKLE!”

“LANCE wasn’t EXPECTING a HIT!”

“LANCE fainted!”

YES! I win Harharharhar!

“LANCE: My son… you have indeed become a true warrior…, I am defeated by my own offspring. Look, my son. I… I… love you. Let’s play catch some other time…”

Bye Lancey!

“LANCE: HEY! WHAT DID I SAY--- Argh… Why do I even bother..? Well, until next time!”

“LANCE disappeared!”

Woah! That was a long battle!

“IT WAS!”

“IT’S now time to END THIS!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 46, Pokemon League II

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Player: SAL [1-2-0][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU[dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX, TORCHIC, MEOWTH)

I may have lost before… but this is a whole new slate of cardboard.

“SLATE of CARDBOARD? 0.o”

Yes… my own domain… MY OWN VICTORY!

Location: Slate of Cardboard in SAL’s DOMAIN and VICTORY

… That wasn’t funny. But why am I standing in hell on top of a burning piece of cardboard..? … Uh oh.

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Thank you.

“No PROBLEM!”

“!”

?

“DOJO: I am the leader of this GYM! Hahahahahaha!”

This is a gym..?

“DOJO: No… but I want to be a gym leader some day. I’m just practicing (”

… Whatever. Prepare to lose.

“DOJO: Gym leaders don’t lose to the likes of you!”

Well you’re not a gym leader.

“DOJO: …”

Heh, lets start this.

“DOJO wants to fight!”

“DOJO sent out MONK!”

My Onix would be more than enough to kill of this simpleton.

“Go, ONIX!”

Now, Onix! Use Rock Smash!

“ONIX used ROCK SMASH!”

“ONIX turned into a ROCK!”

…

“It’s not very effective.”

Riiiiiiite.

“ONIX started KILLING ROCKS!”

… Uh oh.

“ONIX killed ITSELF!”

“ONIX died!”

What?! Noooooooooooooo…! Not another one of my precious Pokemon! Grrrrr, Monk! You shall pay for that!

“Enemy MONK points out HE didn’t even MAKE a MOVE yet!”

SUUUUUURE! That’s what they ALL say! Go now, my trusty Torchic!

“The enemy is strong, Get’m, TORCHIC!”

Use Flame Thrower!

“TORCHIC was set ABLAZE!”

NOT ON YOURSELF~!! I MEANT ON MONK!!

“YOU should have SAID SO!”

I did… errr… GRRR!

“TORCHIC fainted.”

Thank god only fainted…

“TOCHIC is STILL on FIRE!”

Uh-oh… I have to help it!

“Can’t escape!”

Damn it! I forgot about the battle!

“YOU have 15 LINES before your TORCHIC dies!”

LINE1: Damn you!

LINE2: “DOJO: Line wasting time ^^!”

LINE3: No you don’t, it’s all up to you, Meowth!

LINE4: “Getm, MEOWTH!”

LINE5: “MEOWTH joined Enemy MONK!”

LINE6: WHAAAAAT?! You’re all against me *sob* NOW… you shall pay!

LINE7: “Go! SAL!”

LINE8: “Enemy MEOWTH used FURY SWIPES!”

LINE9: “Enemy MEOWTH’s attacked missed.”

LINE10: HAHAHAHA! Sal Fury!

LINE11: “SAL used SAL FURY!”

LINE12: “Enemy MEWOTH and MONK fainted!”

LINE 13: “DOJO: Fine… fine… I give up, you win…”

LINE14: YESSS! Hey… it still has the lines.. uh oh! TORCHIC!!!

LINE15: “SAL used WATER GUN!”

“It’s not very effective…”

“TORCHIC died.”

Noooooooooooooooooo..! My Torchic… my first Pokemon… Come back to me!!

“SLAKOTH appeared!”

Wha? Wha? You want to be my Pokemon?

“SLAKOTH used POKeBALL!”

“SLAKOTH was caught!”

Thank you, kind Slakoth. I will train you like my Torchic… Good bye, Torchic, Good bye, my last memorys from the Hoenn Region…

“THIS BATTLE was FUNNY!”

… Are you kidding? It was an emotional breakdown!! HOW CAN ANYONE FIND THIS FUNNY?!

“The VIEWERS will!”

Sure they will… while I mourn to myself!

“SAL is CRYING like a LITTLE GIRL!”

… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 47: Pokemon League III

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Player: McSAJAR [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: SYTHER, SCIZOR, PINSIR)

Now… NOW..! Everyone will know the true power of McSAJAR!

“SAL is enraged!”

What’s your problem, urine boy?

“SAL turned RED!”

Harharhar, no seriously, what?

“SAL wants to KNOW why you can have a LOWERCASE LETTER in your NAME!”

Hmmm… Well.., you see, Da Zombie Man is my brother…

“SAL wants to KNOW if that means…”

Yes. I’m a son of the narrator

“SAL: GACK!”

Father always liked me best, though.

“NARRATOR agrees”

“SCREAMS can be HEARD from DAZOMBIEMAN’s BEDROOM!”

“SAL: …”

Da Zombie Man was always the bad one.

“NARRATOR beams with PRIDE!”

Ahhh, Now, Where is my noble opponent.., Kain, I thought his name was.

“KAIN appeared!”

Interesting. Now, prepare to lose, my noble opponent.

“KAIN wants to fight!”

Good. Now, feel the wrath of my Pinsir.

“Get’m, PINSIR!”

“KAIN sent out CECIL!”

Oh my lord… How did you fit a man inside that Pokeball?

“KAIN: CECIL is my slave. I can do whatever I want with him.”

I don’t want to know… Anyway… Pinsir! Use your Guillotine attack now!

“PINSIR used GUILLOTINE!”

“It’s a one hit KO!”

“Enemy CECIL fainted!”

Good… as always.

“KAIN: You cheap bastard! Being the son of the narrator and all---“

“NARRATOR says KAIN has a POINT…”

No he doesn’t.

“NARRATOR says he DOES!”

“NARRATOR agrees to NOT be BIASED this BATTLE!”

That’ll be a first.

“There is a FIRST TIME for EVERYTHING!”

“KAIN sent out KAIN!”

Now, Pinsir! Guillotine!

“PINSIR used GUILLOTINE!”

“But it missed!”

What? That must be a narration error.

“NOPE!”

Cmon, Dad, you know that it was.

“McSAJAR is mistaken!”

“McSAJAR was forced to shut up in his mistake!”

… Interesting. So you are being completely unbaised, huh..?

“YES!”

I see…

“KAIN jumped up high!”

hmmm… So this is a copy of “Fly” I get it. Pinsir! Sky Upercut!

“PINSIR used SKY UPERCUT!”

“It’s not very effective…”

Hmmm… Maybe this Kain is a flying type Pokemon…?

“CORRECT”

I’m so smart.

“KAIN used JUMP!”

“Critical hit!”

“PINSIR fainted, use next Pokemon?”

Of corse I will! Go Syther!

“Go! SYTHER!”

Use your slash attack!

“SYTHER used SLASH!”

“Enemy KAIN ate the attack!”

Is that even possible?

“YES!”

… You are being biased, Narrator. AGAINST ME! I knew you couldn’t be unbiased…

“…”

“KAIN fainted!”

Haha! I forced you to be biased HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

“…”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 48, Pokemon League IV

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Player: VIKKSALOT [record: 6-7-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN)

Here we go, time to show everyone what I’m made of!

“YOU’RE made out of FLESH and ORGANS--- Well, besides your HEART!”

… Well, I know that. Now time to show everyone!

“The GIANT GASH in your CHEST is a DEAD GIVEAWAY!”

You know, I’ve noticed something about this gash… It can bleed and bleed and a still don’t die.

“YOU can’t DIE! YOU are the RIVAL!”

I feel so special (

“YOU ARE!”

“VIKKSALOT was renamed SPECIALVIKKS!”

GAH! I’m so special you gave me a name Rikks didn’t even have!!

“OUTLAWRIKKS is too COOL for a BAD name like SPECIALRIKKS!”

Yup… hey…!

“LORD MAGUS appeared!”

How did you just appear? I thought he was standing right next to me this entire time…

“…”

Whatever. Lets get this thingie rolling!

“LORD MAGUS wants to fight!”

Well, so do I, hippie man.

“LORD MAGUS points out HE’S not a HIPPY!”

Well, People can get confused about that Long Purple hair of yours, buddy…

“LORD MAGUS explains that the color “PURPLE” is the OFFICAL COLOR of GAYS!”

… Are you trying to tell me something, mate?

“NO, HE just was always FASINATED with GAY PEOPLE!”

… Sure mate.

“LORD MAGUS sent out OZZIE!”

Wow, you are gay… look at that hideous Pokemon!

“OZZIE: Shut up, foo! I own your Pokemon duuuude!”

Be quiet, you Buu clone. Go, Watergun!

“Go! WATERGUN!”

Hurry, use Squirt attack before he can defend himself!

“WATERGUN used SQUIRT!”

“Enemy OZZIE is refreshed!”

Awwwwww…

“Enemy OZZIE used SNAP!”

“WATERGUN was SNAPPED in HALF!”

Aewwww…

“WATERGUN died! Use next Pokemon?”

DIED? These things always happen to me …

“ACTUALLY, These things happen to SAL!”

That, and that kid has a urination problem… Ugh… go spearow..

“Go! SPEAROW!”

Hurry! Use Fatal Dance!

“SPEAROW used FATAL DANCE!”

“SPEAROW is dancing!”

Haha! Good job!

“Enemy OZZIE notices SPEAROW’s FATAL DANCE!”

“LORD MAGUS: No, OZZIE! Resist!”

“Enemy OZZIE fanted!”

YES!!!

“LORD MAGUS: Perhaps.., I have underestimated you. Go, Flea.”

“LORD MAGUS sent out FLEA!”

Woah… is that thing a guy or girl ?

“NEITHER!”

… That’s disturbing. Spearow, finish off the fool quickly! Drill Peck!

“SPEAROW used DRILL PECK!”

“SPEAROW got out a DRILL!”

…

“SPEAROW drilled FLEA’s HEAD OPEN!”

“FLEA fainted!”

HAHAHAHAH! Take that, Magus Man!

“MAGUS MAN… errr… LORD MAGUS: Flea!!! NOOOOO! That’s it! Slash, Slash that sparrow!”

“LORD MAGUS sent out SLASH!”

Spearow, use----

“SLASH used SLASHER!”

OWWWWWWWWw…. That just cut my Spearow in half, dude… that’s not cool!

“SPEAROW fainted!”

Only fainted? Damn… Go… hmm…

“YOU only have ONE POKEMON left, DUMB ASS!”

… Oh yea, that’s right {^.^} Go , Squirtle!

“Get’m SQUIRTLE!”

Use Hyrdo Pump now!

“SQUIRTLE used HYDRO PUMP!”

“SQUIRTLE pumped SLASH up the ANUS!”

… I can’t watch this! Aaaaaah! My 150 year old virgin eyes!

“Enemy SLASH fainted!”

Damn… does that mean … I win ?

“NO!”

But the dudes out of Pokemon !

“LORD MAGUS sent out LORD MAGUS!”

Oh…

“LORD MAGUS used DARK POWER!”

“SQUIRTLE fainted!”

Holy…. Shit!

“Go! SPECIALVIKKS!”

I must… win this! Me! Use my Devolve attack!

“What? LORD MAGUS is devolving!”

HAHAHA!

“LORD MAGUS devolved into LORD JANUS!”

Wow… talk about an age change… going from like 50 to 5…

“LORD JANUS: One of you will shortly perish…”

Huh? I can’t die, I’m the rival…

“LORD JANUS was TALKING to the KIDS OVER THERE!”

Oh….

“ANVIL used FALL!”

“ANVIL hit a KID!”

“KID died!”

Poor dude… Gah! I must attack you , evil Janus man! I’ll use my Special attack---

“…”

Uh oh… Please narrator…. No puns…

“…”

Cmon… please … please… no

“NARRATOR can’t HELP HIMSELF!”

Nooooo!

“SPECIALVIKKS used SPECIAL ATTACK!”

“SPECIALVIKKS is special!”

… Thanks, a lot.

“NO PROBLEM!”

“SPECIALVIKKS is special!”

We’ve been through that.

“SPECIALVIKKS punched LORD JANUS in is specialty!”

Interesting.

“LORD JANUS fainted!”

Yay!!! I WINN!!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle 49, Pokemon League V

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Player: SAL [2-2-0][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU[dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead], SLAKOTH)

… I’m not ready for this …

“WHAT EVER happened to “I may have lost before… but this is a whole new slate of cardboard.”?”

I lost all will to fight…

“SAD!”

It is…

“YOU KNOW, if you SET YOURSELF up for FAILURE, you FAIL!”

True… but if you set your self up for victory, your Pokemon dies…

“ALSO TRUE!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS appeared!”

This is the part when I fight and lose.

“OUTLAWRIKKS wants to fight!”

Yup.

“Go! SLAKOTH!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS: Heh, I’ll go easy on you!”

Sure you will… LIAR!

“OUTLAWRIKKS sent out CHARMANDER!”

Slakoth … use Yawn…

“SLAKOTH used YAWN!”

“It’s super effective!”

Yup… I thought so… WHAT? SUPER EFFECTIVE? Nice…

“Enemy CHARMANDER fainted!”

Well, that was my only kill, unfortunately.

“OUTLAWRIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!”

Well, this is the time I lose…

“Enemy UNDEADGATES used SUICIDE!”

“Enemy UNDEADGATES fainted!”

What a fortunate turn of events…

“SLAKOTH: Master… there is something I must tell you …”

What’s that ? Oh, you want to leave me too huh?

“SLAKOTH: No! I am … EMPEROR SLAKOTH!”

That’s amazing. Haha! April Fools, right ?

“SLAKOTH: No, I’m serious.”

“SLAKOTH was renamed EMPEROR SLAKOTH!”

… … … … HOLY SHIT! I’M GONNA WIN!

“OUTLAWRIKKS sent out LORD!”

Heh… now! EMPEROR SLAKOTH! Use Devour!

“EMPEROR SLAKOTH is loafing around!”

…

“EMPEROR SLAKOTH used ETERNITY’S PUNCH!”

HOLY SHIT..!

“Enemy LORD fainted.”

Heh…

“OUTLAWRIKKS used POISON on RUBYVER and X-BOX!”

“RUBYVER and X-BOX fainted!”

? You’re crazy…

“OUTLAWRIKKS sent out OUTLAWRIKKS!”

Hmph… EMPEROR SLAKOTH! Now use---

“OUTLAWRIKKS used EVOLVE!”

“What? EMPEROR SLAKOTH is evolving!”

Haha!

“OUTLAWRIKKS: WHAT?! I can’t believe this! I meant on MYSELF!”

“NARRATOR: Trust me, Rikks, trust me…”

“OUTLAWRIKKS: Alrite..”

Huh? What the butch just happened?

“…”

“EMPEROR SLAKOTH evolved into EMPEROR SLAKING!”

… HAHAHA! IT HAS TO BE 1,000 FEET TALL!

“OFFICAL: 1000 feet tall, you say?”

Yes… Why do you ask?

“OFFICAL: According to this book, POKEMON LEAGUE FOR DUMMYS, it says that a POKEMON contending in the POKEMON LEAGUE must be 999 feet or smaller!”

WHAT? WHO WROTE THAT BOOK?

“OFFICAL: The narrator.”

Hey! THIS ISNT FAIR!”

“NOTHINGS FAIR!”

“BATTLE ends in DRAW!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS is sent to NEXT ROUND!”

… no no no…

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #50, Pokemon League VI

Location: Dark Room in the middle of no where

Player: OAK [record: 1-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: PIKACHU)

Hahaha, Our plans are nearly complete…

!!!Well, young Oak, it would seem I have underestimated you…!!!

Keep in my favor, rpGamer, and I promise Kanto will be in your control forever...!

!!!You are doing well, Oak… It won’t be long now until Rikks wins the Pokemon League… Everyone really thinks you are of this world--- of Flare Version… When Rikks beats the Pokemon League, Oak, everyone will know the truth, you understand, don’t you?!!!

Yes, I understand, master.

!!!Than you must know what I’m going to say…!!!

Yes, all too well.

!!!After the conquest of the Kanto region, Kanto will become no more… I will use Kanto to create a Neo Kanto, but it will take several years… Only with this “Neo Kanto” will we be able to come through with our plans… In that time, Everyone in Kanto will appear in the Hoenn Region, including the Narrator.!!!

Yes, and you want me to put Hoenn in your command too, my liege?

!!!Yes, you know me all to well, Oak. Also, I fear that Sal may interfear. You must stop him at all costs.!!!

Don’t worry, he won’t ruin our plans.

!!!Very good…!!!

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Player: McSAJAR [1-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: SYTHER, SCIZOR, PINSIR)

Sssssssss… I’m ready!!

“SPECIALVIKKS wants to fight!”

Ssssssssss… come Narrator, let’s dispose of this scum. Go, Scizor!

“SPECIALVIKKS sent out SQUIRTLE!”

Hmmm… now, use Slash!

“SCIZOR used SLASH!”

“It’s not very effective…”

What? Impossible!”

“SORRY SON, no BIAS this BATTLE!”

Huh?! What’s going on?

“NARRATOR was renamed OUTLAWRIKKS!”

Huh?

“OUTLAWRIKKS: The Narrator wanted your battles to be unbiased, so he wants me to narrorate these battles…”

WhAT?! NO!

“Enemy SQUIRTLE used HYDRO PUMP!”

“SCIZOR fainted!”

WHA? Grrrr… Go Syther!

“Go! SYTHER!”

Use Thunderbolt!

“SYTHER doesn’t know THUNDERBOLT!”

Huh? SO? Oh wait… your Rikks… GRRRRR!!

“Enemy SQUIRTLE used HYDRO PUMP!”

“SYTHER fainted!”

Why are my Pokemon dying so easily?!

“THEY are all LEVEL 1!”

SOOOO?! I’m the son of the narrator! I should get special privileges!

“NOT WHILE IM NARRATING!”

Nooooo!

“Go! PINSIR!”

I’m going… going to lose, aren’t I?

“YUP!”

Hey! Arent you being biased?!!

“NO, Just TRUTHFUL!”

GAH!

“Enemy SQUIRTLE used BITE!”

“PINSIR fainted!”

“YOU LOST!”

Nooo… nooo…

Player: SPECIALVIKKS [record: 7-7-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN[dead])

Easiest battle evvva

“What? SQUIRTLE is evolving!”

It is?

“SQUIRLTE evolved into WARTURTLE!”

NO WAY!! YAY!!

“BATTLE used END!”

Season Finale

Battle #51, Pokemon League Final Battle

Location: Victory Road

Player: YUGI [record: 2-3-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, KURIBO)

-cough cough- hope I’m not late…

Location: Pokemon League HQ

IM HERE ! I HAVE ALL 8 BADGES!

“OFFICAL: You are late… it started 6 battles ago…”

WHAT?

“OFFICAL: However, you are welcome to stay and watch the games…”

No way dude! I have to get in! Go! Gaia the Fierce Knight!

“Go! GAIAKNIGHT!”

“OFFICAL: Huh?”

“OFFICAL wants to fight!”

“OFFICAL sent out OFFICAL!”

Heh… This is going to be easy… Use Force Stike!

“GAIAKNIGHT used FORCESTRIKE!”

“Enemy OFFICAL fainted!”

Hahahahahaha! Return, Gaia. Hmmm… I must hurry my way in…

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 16-6-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD)

“MEANWHILE…”

This is it… the final battle.

“SPECIALVIKKS: Indeed. Only one of us can win…”

And that’s going to be ---

“YUGI appeared!”

“YUGI: Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”

HUH?

“YUGI drew a GUN!”

WHAT?

“YUGI wants to fight!”

“YUGI sent out YUGI!”

Ummm… Vikks… Yea…

“Ally SPECIALVIKKS sent out SPECIALVIKKS!”

“Go! OUTLAWRIKKS!”

“YUGI: Don’t move or I’ll shoot!”

Grrr! You don’t move or I’ll shoot!

“YUGI used SHOOT!”

AAARRRGHHHHHH!!! THE PAIN… COULD This… be … the end?! … argh……..

“OUTLAWRIKKS died!”

Player: SPECIALVIKKS [record: 8-7-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: WARTURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN[dead])

WHAT? Rikks! No man… Yugi… You will pay!

“What? YUGI is evolving?”

No!

“YUGI evolved into YAMIYUGI!”

GAH!

“YAMIYUGI: I’m sorry… Vikks, But I cannot allow rpGamer to prevail!”

“Enemy YAMIYUGI used SHOOT!”

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG..! I’m… dead….

“SPECIALVIKKS died!”

Location: House, watching TV

Player: CINNAGOO [record: 6-3-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL)

OMG… !

“Enemy YAMIYUGI used SHOOT!”

“CINNAGOO died!”

Heyy!!! I WASN’T EVEN THERE!

“TOO BAD, YOU’RE DEAD!”

Doh…

Location: Pokemon League HQ

Player: WEBMASTER rpGamer [record: Too many 0’s in the WIN section to display here]

(Pokemon Lineup: CLOUDSTRIFE, CRONO, SERGE, SQUALL, SEPHIROTH, EMERALDWEAPON)

!!!Holy god…!!!

“YAMIYUGI: So… rpGamer… you finally shown your face…”

“SAL: OMG!! HOW DID HE GET LOWERCASE LETTERS IN HIS NAME?!”

“YAMIYUGI used SHOOT!”

“SAL died!”

!!!Yu-gi… I created you! HOW DARE YOU FACE ME!!!!

“YAMIYUGI: I cannot allow for you’re plans to come true!”

“YAMIYUGI wants to fight!”

“YAMIYUGI sent out YAMIYUGI!”

!!!HMPH! GO ME!”!!!

“Go! WEBMASTER rpGamer!”

“YAMIYUGI used SHOOT!”

UGH! WHAT IS THAT GUN… IT HURTS..! Oh my god, my God powers are gone!

“YAMIYUGI: It is the one and only.., FLARE GUN!!!”

Impossible! It has the power to take away my godship? No way! My plans! YOU WILL PAY!

“WEBMASTER rpGamer used FLARE COSMOS!”

“It’s not very effective…”

WHAT?

“LEAH appeared!”

“LEAH: I am here, my master…”

IT’S ABOUT TIME!

“OAK appeared!”

“OAK: What do you desire, my master?”

ITS GO TIME!!

“LEAH, OAK, and WEBMASTER rpGamer used FLARE TRIFORCE!”

“Critical hit!”

“It’s not very effective…”

The holder of the Flare Gun is resistant against Flare type attacks… Why did I even make that gun?

“LEAH: Well THAT WAS SMART!”

… Shut up.

“YAMIYUGI used SHOOT!”

“OAK died!”

… That’s it…

… I can’t take anymore…

…This is the end…

“YAMIYUGI used SHOOT!”

“LEAH died!”

…I’ve run out of options…

…It’s over…

…Goodbye…

“WEBMASTER rpGamer used FLARE END!”

“YAMIYUGI died!”

“WEBMASTER rpGamer died!”

“KANTO destroyed!”

“REMAINING were TELAPORTED to HOENN!”

“NARRATOR died…?”

“SEASON used END!”

-Season 1 End-

And so it was true… Flare Version and all of Kanto was destroyed… Everyone died, no survivors were found… none of the sort… It would seem that it is time to make the first Season Ending. So, the remaining of the living fled to Hoenn… That is true. But for the dead? The happy Rikks? Overconfident Vikks? Mad Sal? Mysterious Yu-gi? The power gods rpGamer, Narrator, Leah and Oak? What will become of them? What will happen to the ever changing Cinnamon Chris? No one knows… No one cares… And so, We start the New Fued that will affect the rest of history… Maybe it is too late for Kanto, but now Hoenn and Johto stands on the brink of destruction… And the only one that can change it’s fate is dead…. So, What happens now?

Season 2: Eternal War

Battle #52, The Exodus

Location: Black Version

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 16-7-4][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD)

Ugh… wanna play again?

“SPECIALVIKKS: Sure…”

“Rocks Paper Scissors Shoot”

You win… again… best out of 100?

“SPECIALVIKKS: Why not…”

Player: WEBMASTER rpGamer [record: Too many 0’s in the WIN section to display here][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: CLOUDSTRIFE, CRONO, SERGE, SQUALL, SEPHIROTH, EMERALDWEAPON)

“LEAH: Master… you must keep pressing onward…”

What’s the point? We are damned in this dimension forever…

“OAK: He has a point, Leah… I’m sorry…”

“LEAH: Cmon, fight fight and keep on fighting, right?”

There’s nothing to fight…

“LEAH: …”

Player: YAMIYUGI [record: 9-4-1][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, KURIBO)

I completed my mission, I have no regrets…

Player: CINNAGOO [record: 6-4-2][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL)

This… Is hell? Yes, of corse it is… I was looking forward to so much, so much… Then, I died… Look at everyone now. Dead. Death. All because of that Yami Yugi..! … Wait… I can do this…

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 16-7-4][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD)

HOW DO YOU KEEP WINNING? GRRR!

“SPECIALVIKKS: I dunno, It’s a curse.”

“CINNAGOO: Pssst!”

Huh? Cinnagoo? What’s up?

“CINNAGOO: Come… follow me. We will start a Black Version Rebellion. Trust me. But… Yami Yugi can’t know.”

How do you plan to this?

“CINNAGOO: You know that Mike?

The gameshow host?

“CINNAGOO: Yes him… Rumor has it he’s the guardian of this god forsaken place.

Brilliant! We will challenge him!!!

“YAMIYUGI: ?”

Ooops.

“YAMIYUGI wants to fight!”

“MIKE appeared!”

“LET THE GAMESHOW BEGIN!”

GAH! So we must beat Yami in a Gameshow first, huh?

“YUP!”

I see…

“MIKE: Let’s take a look at today’s fine contenders! Yami Yugi, from the world of Yu-gi-oh, who is holding the mighty Flare Gun! On the other hand, Rikks, the weak.”

WHAT? HEY!

“MIKE: Now, let’s get this exciting game show rolling!”

I so want to kill him now…

“MIKE: First question! What is the best YUGIOH monster?”

What? THAT’S NOT FAIR!

“MIKE: Too bad!”

“YAMIYUGI said EXODIA!”

Umm… Mewtwo?

“YUGI got that answer!”

“SCORE:

YAMIYUGI- 3

OUTLAWRIKKS- 0”

Dam…

“MIKE: Next Question: What is 43124 divided by 4?”

“YAMIYUGI said 10781!”

GAH HOW AM A SUPOSSED TO KNOW THAT?

“YOU ARENT!”

“YAMIYUGI got the ANSWER!”

Grrrr!

“SCORE:

YAMIYUGI-5003

OUTLAWRIKKS-0”

What?! THAT WAS WORTH 5000 POINTS? BULL!

“MIKE: Sometimes things go this way but you have to fight it!”

Grrr… Hmph!

“MIKE: What town did SPECIALVIKKS come from?”

Finally one a know… Pallet town.

“YUGI said NOWHERESVILLE!”

“YOU got the ANSWER!”

Yay!

“SCORE:

YAMIYUGI-5003

OUTLAWRIKKS-1”

Only … 1… point?!

“MIKE: What can I say? It was an easy question…”

Cmon! Gimmi a 2 billion point question!!

“MIKE: Alrite…”

-gulp-

“YAMIYUGI: -gulp-“

“MIKE: What is 1+1?”

OMG! 2!

“YUGI says 3”

“YOU got the ANSWER!”

YAY!

“FINAL SCORE:

YAMIYUGI: 5003

OUTLAWRIKKS: 2000000001”

YAY I WIN I WIN

“YAMIYUGI: I have failed…”

“MIKE: Thank you again for another great GAME SHOW!”

Hey! WAIT! MIKE!

“MIKE: Yes, young player?”

I owe you something…

“MIKE: You do? What would that be?

“OUTLAWRIKKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE: GAWWWW!”

HAHAHAHA! DIE LOSER!

“MIKE died!”

Hey… what happens when you die in Black Version?

“MIKE appeared!”

-.- That’s butched.

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

Heh… Hurry everyone! Make a run for the Portal!

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

Hurry!!

“SPECIALVIKKS, YAMIYUGI, CINNAGOO, SAL, LEAH, OAK, and WEBMASTER rpGamer ran for the PORTAL!”

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

This is going to be a long day…

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

Damn this guardian is strange.

“SPECIALVIKKS appeared!”

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

Whats up Vikks?

“SPECIALVIKKS: 0.o We have found it, hurry up! Yugi’s turning against us!”

I knew he would…

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: Why! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!”

“OUTLAWRIKS used SHOOT!”

“MIKE died!”

Come on…

“SPECIALVIKKS and OUTLAWRIKKS ran to the PORTAL!”

Player: MIKE [0-9-0][Gameshow Host][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

WHY! YOU LITTLE BRUTE! EL PREPARE FOR TRUE DEATH!

…

Hey… where did everybody go?

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 26-7-4][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD)

Hey, you know that Mike killing does wonders for your record, lol

“SPECIALVIKKS: True…”

Hmmm… anyway… Where---

“YAMIYUGI used SHOOT!”

“SPECIALVIKKS died!”

Ok, I see it now.

“SPECIALVIKKS appeared!”

“YAMIYUGI wants to fight!”

Grrr! Shoot!

“OUTLAWRIKKS used SHOOT!”

“YAMIYUGI died!”

Hurry now everyone! Before he can reborn! Quickly, Quickly!

“SAL went through PORTAL!”

“WEBMASTER rpGamer went through PORTAL!”

“LEAH went through PORTAL!”

“SPECIALVIKKS went through PORTAL!”

“OAK went through PORTAL!”

“CINNAGOO went through PORTAL!”

Huh? Huh? Good… That’s everyone.

“OUTLAWRIKKS went through PORTAL!”

“PORTAL closed!”

Player: YAMIYUGI [record: 9-5-1][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, KURIBO)

“YAMIYUGI appeared!”

Huh? What? What what what?

“MIKE appeared!”

“MIKE: How could you let them escape?!”

I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

“MIKE: That’s it…”

“YAMIYUGI died!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #53, Mario War

Location: In the game

Player: MARIO [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

It’ssss meeee, MARRRIIIOOOOOO!

“LUIGI: It’ssss meeeeee, LUUUUIGIIIIII!”

“GIACOMO: It’ssss meeeeee, GIAAAAACOMMMMMOOOOO!”

“DRESTE: It’sssss meeeee, DRESSSSSTTEEEEEEEE!”

Woohooooo!

“LIVES:

MARIO- 5

LUIGI- 5

GIACOMO- 5

DRESTE- 5”

Let’s kill of Dreste!

“DRESTE: w0000t! GLITCH!”

“MARIO used HOP!

“DRESTE fainted!”

“LUIGI used HOP!”

“DRESTE fainted!”

“GIACOMO used SQUASH!”

“DRESTE fainted!”

Hahahahaha!

“DRESTE: w00000000000t! GLITHZ”

“LIVES:

MARIO- 5

LUIGI- 5

GIACOMO- 5

DRESTE- 2”

“DRESTE used HOP!”

“MARIO fainted!”

Owwwwwwww! You will pay for that!

“MARIO used BUMP-OFF-EDGE!”

“DRESTE fainted!”

“LUIGI used MUSIC-NOTE!”

“DRESTE fainted!”

Hahahaha! The joke is on YOU!

“DRESTE is out of useable lives!”

“DRESTE whited out!”

“LIVES:

MARIO-4

LUIGI- 5

GIACOMO- 5

DRESTE- 0”

Lett’’’ss gooooo, MARRIOOOOS!

“MARIO used HOP!”

“LUIGI fainted!”

“GIACOMO used PUSH!”

“MARIO fainted!”

“GIACOMO used SURICIDE!”

“GIACOMO fainted!”

“GIACOMO fainted due to horrible STARTING SPOT!”

AH HA!

“LIVES:

MARIO- 3

LUIGI- 4

GAICOMO- 3

DRESTE- 0”

MARIO !!! SUUUUPEEERR!

“MARIO used SKILLZ!”

“LUIGI fainted!”

“GIACOMO fainted!”

AH HA!

“LUIGI: Noooooo! I lost my lead!”

AH HA!

“GIACOMO used COMOSMASH!”

“MARIO fainted!”

Owwww…

“MARIO used PUSH!”

“GIACOMO fainted!”

“LIVES:

MARIO- 2

LUIGI- 3

GIACOMO- 1

DRESTE- 0”

I … cannot… lose!

“MARIO used MUSIC NOTE!”

“LUIGI fainted!”

“LUIGI fainted due to horrible STARTING SPOT!”

This is a good thing…

“LUIGI used SURICIDE!”

“LUIGI fainted!”

“LUIGI is out of useable lives!”

“LUIGI whited out!”

Just you and me, Como.

“GIACOMO used BUT-BOUNCE!”

“MARIO fainted!”

Dooohh…

“GIACOMO used PUSH!”

“MARIO fainted!”

Noooo!

“MARIO is out of usable lives!”

“MARIO whited out!”

“GIACOMO wins!”

… Glitch?

“NO!”

“SAL pissed his pants… AGAIN!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #54, Straight from Hell…

Location: Littleroot Town, SAL’s House

Player: OUTLAWRIKKS [record: 27-7-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD)

Ahhh, so this is Hoenn… It’s pretty nice, Sal.

“SAL nods in AGREEMENT!”

“SAL wants to KNOW if he can have LOWERCASE LETTERS again!”

“NARRATOR: NO! I AM THE ONE AND ONLY NARRATOR OF KANTO--- NOW OF HOENN! HAR HAR HAR! YOU RELEASED ME WHEN I WAS RELEASED FROM BLACK VERSION!”

“SAL: Charming…”

Heh.., whatever.

“OUTLAWRIKKS used LOOK!”

“OUTLAWRIKKS looked out WINDOW!”

Wow… Looks like everyone’s here… Yup, look! There’s Brock’s Dad, Heart, McNabb, Jarjar… Yup, it seems nearly everyone is here. Funny, though, I don’t see Leah rpGamer or Oak around here… Wonder what happened to them…

“EVERYONE doesn’t KNOW!”

Hey… Who’s all in here anyway?

“YOU, SAL, SPECIALVIKKS, and CINNAGOO”

I see… So did anyone see where Leah, rpGamer and Oak ran off too?

“SPECIALVIKKS: I saw OAK go through those BUSHES!”

I see…

“DOOR used KNOCK!”

“DOOR is knocking!”

Sal, go get that.

“SAL used OPEN!”

“It’s super effective!”

“DOOR opened!”

“PIZZAMAN appeared!”

Ah, the Pizza man. How have you been, mate?

“PIZZAMAN: Good… Hey, Vikks, Cinnagoo, ready to go?”

“SPECIALVIKKS: Yea, sure. Mines well make the best of living in Hoenn…”

“PIZZAMAN SPECIALVIKKS and CINNAGOO disapeared!”

Hmph… Well that sucks. Our small party is narrowed down to two…

“SAL joined your party!”

Joy…

“MCNABB came IN!”

Oh, hey buddy what’s up?

“MCNABB joined your party!”

Eherm… whatever. Let’s go check out this ‘Litterroot Town’

“PR. BIRCH appeared!”

“SAL: Hey, Pr. Bitch!”

“PR. BIRCH: What did I say?! I’m BIRCH, not BITCH, think of Birchbear or something…

“SAL: Whatever”

“PR. BIRCH: So you are Rikks, and McNabb. Sal has told me much about you all. I take it that you are here to save the Hoenn Region.”

Sort of correct… Actually, I just want to get all of the Gym Badges… (

“SAL: Don’t worry about them, here, take my spare set.”

“OUTLAWRIKKS got 8 HOENN BADGES!”

WHAT? YAY!!!

“SAL: Don’t mention it. I have like 3 sets of Hoenn Badges. Gotta love Ebay.”

Heh… Well thanks man.

“SCREAMS can be HEARD from INSIDE nearby CAVE!”

That’s my call. Well, see you Bitch later.

“PR. BIRCH: Eherm… bye..?”

Location: Nearby Cave

Strange… In all odds, what is the chances of this cave actually being named “Nearby Cave”

“PRETTY SLIM!”

Bah… whatever. Where are those people?

“Wild SEVIPER appeared!”

“Wild SEVIPER is attacking a nearby PERSON!”

GAH! DIE, VICIOUS POKEMON!”

“Wild SEVIPER wants to fight!”

Ha… ha … hahahahahaha!

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

Hurry! Use Mander!

“CHARMANDER use MANDER!”

“CHARMANDER summoned 10 SALAMANDERS!”

Interesting.

“Wild SEVIPER used EAT!”

“Wild SEVIPER ate 5 SALAMANDERS!”

Oh my god…

“5 SALAMANDERS attacked!”

“Wild SEVIPER fainted!”

HAHAHA! Now who was the person we saved?

“PERSON was renamed to LANCE!”

DAD?! WHATS UP?

“LANCE: There is something I must give you to aid you on your Pokemon Quest.”

What’s that Lancey?

“LANCE: FOR THE FINAL TIME, LANCE NOT--- GRRR! Why do I even bother?”

Dunno, Lancey.

“LANCE: Grrr! Do you want this or not?!”

Sorry…

“LANCE: Quite alright. Here. Take this Devil Pendant.

“OUTLAWRIKKS got the DEVIL PENDANT!”

Coooool!

“What? OUTLAWRIKKS is evolving?”

YESSS!!

“OUTLAWRIKKS evolved into FLARIKKS!”

“SAL: Duuuuuuuuuude! Rikks, you’re on fire… literally!”

I… I can feel Flare Version’s power rushing through me…

“LANCE: But everything costs something..”

Huh?

“FLARIKKS gained 10 LOSSES!”

WHAT? NO FAIR!

“LANCE: Too bad. I’ll be seeing more of you, my son.”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle # 55, Strolling Along

Location: Oldale Town

Player: CINNAGOO [record: 6-4-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL)

Oh god… That endless swarm of Zigzagoon was soooo annoying. I mean, have you 2 EVER seen anything that weak?

“SPECIALVIKKS and PIZZAMAN say NO!”

Hmph.. I still can’t believe I died through a bullet that came out of my TV set…

“SPECIALVIKKS: I thought you were getting over that…”

I was… But whatever. I mean now what? We are in the boring world of Hoenn…

“TEAM AQUA appears!”

“TEAM MAGMA appears!”

“TEAM AQUA and TEAM MAGMA are fighting!”

Oooooo, a battle. This may be interesting.

“TEAM AQUA sends out 20 ZIGZAGOONs”

“TEAM MAGMA sends out 20 ZIGZAGOONs”

“ZIGZAGOON used TACKLE!”

“ZIGZAGOON used TACKLE!”

… I stand corrected. Let’s go find something a bit more exciting, I’d rather not watch Level 30 Zigzagoons tackle eachother…

Location: Route to the west

Hmph.. BORING BORING BORING!! I can’t believe how boring this is….

“Wild RALTS appeared!”

A Ralts? Lets see what the Pokedex has to say about it…

“CINNADEX: Ralts. This POKeMON loves to eat CINNAMON. Be careful!”

Shit. Just my luck too…

“Wild RALTS wants to fight!”

Cmon guys, you can help me…

“SPECIALVIKKS and PIZZAMAN ran away!”

WHAT? WHY? LOOK AT IT! IT’S SO SMALL

“CINNAGOO realized that its LEVEL 100!”

… DAMN IT! Ok… my mom can do this…

“Go! FRENCHWHORE!”

“Wild RALTS use VENOM BITE!”

“FRENCHWHORE was poisoned!”

HAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, MOM! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT MAKING ME COOKIES ON CHRISTMAS A YEAR AGO!! Eherm… use your burp attack…

“FRENCHWHORE used BURP!”

“It’s not very effective…”

Oh yea… Ralts is like 5 feet smaller than my mom… forgot about that…

“FRENCHWHORE fainted by poison!”

HAHAHAHAHA! MY MOM IS DEAD! YAY YAY YAY!

“The enemy wants to eat YOU, Get’m, TOONSKULL!”

Ok, Toon skull! Quickly, use Terminate!

“TOONSKULL used TERMINATE!”

“It’s super idiotic!”

WHAT?

“Wild RALTS gathered up sunlight!”

Damn… It’s preparing for Solarbeam… I can’t allow that!! Let’s see whats in my bag…

“BAG: Potion x99

Super Potion x1

Master Ball x1”

Nope… nothing

“YOU are a MORON!”

HUH? WHY?!

“BAG: Potion x99

Super Potion x1

MASTER BALL x1”

You know, I’ve had that old thing for so long and I never figured out what it is… It looks like a Pokeball. But some dude named Poopavoni told me never to use it for a common pokemon…

“WELL, A LEVEL 100 RALTS isn’t a COMMON POKeMON, is it?”

Oooooh…

“CINNAGOO used MASTERBALL!”

“Wild RALTS was caught!”

YAY!!

“SPECIALVIKKS and PIZZAMAN come back!”

“PIZZAMAN: Cool, dude. So like, I got directions to get to Peltaburg City.”

Good… And I have a new invincible Pokemon to use at my disposal! HAHAHAHA!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #56, The Escape

Location: Inside Pokeball

Player: DANDAMAN [record: 0-1-0][captured by JARJARBINKS]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

How long have I been inside this ball?

“40 BATTLES!”

Ugh.. This is so boring…

“Go! DANDAMAN!”

What? I’m being summoned?

Location: Peltaburg City

“JARJARBINKS: (Danny, send out your Ho-oh! NOW!)”

Ugh… fine

“Go! HO-OH!”

“JARJARBINKS: (Tell your Ho-oh to use Fire Sptiz!)"

You heard him, Ho-oh.

“HO-OH used FIRE SPITZ!”

“Wild ZIGZAGOON fainted!”

This would be when I get “returned”

“JARJARBINKS: (Dan, return your Ho-oh.)

… wait a sec… he can’t return me if my Pokemon is out… heh… NO!

“JARJARBINKS: (What? How did you get to Level 40?!)”

Hmph… I had to do something when I was in that dusty Pokeball…

“JARJARBINKS: (What did you train on?!)”

Oh, just the food you put in…

“JARJARBINKS: (You got to Level 40 by training on Caterpies?!)”

Yup. And now I’m starved. And it’s your fault.

“JARJARBINKS: (Stop this now, before I force to destroy you in battle!)”

Hmph… It’s go time!

“JARJARBINKS wants to fight!”

“YOU already have HO-OH out!”

“JARJARBINKS sent out GHOST!”

Your ghost doesn’t scare me. Ho-oh! Use Crunch!

“HO-OH used CRUCH!”

“It’s super effective!”

“GHOST fainted!”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

“JARJARBINKS: (What? How is this possible? I’m the almighty Champion!)

“NARRATOR: I told you that that was A LONG time ago…”

“JARJARBINKS: (grr!)”

“JARJARBINKS sent out JARJARBINKS!”

Ho-oh! Use Sky Dive!

“HO-OH used SKY DIVE!”

“HO-OH will reach the GROUND in 15 MINUTES!”

… Great what am I going to do for 15 minutes?!

“Go! DANDAMAN!”

Oh.

“Enemy JARJARBINKS used BOMB THROW!”

“BOOM!”

OWWwwwwwchhh… I … must win!

“DANDAMAN used POKEATRONBOOZLE!”

“JARJARBINKS is inflicted with LARGE AMMOUNTS of PAIN!”

“JARJARBINKS fainted!”

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Too bad you took all my Pokeballs! HARHAR!

“HO-OH came back down and IMPAILED JARJARBINKS on his BEAK!”

Owwwww… Looks like THAT HURTS!”

“Return, HO-OH!”

I am finally free… Like I was meant to be… HAHAHAHA! Now I can continue my Kanto journey…

“KANTO? 0.o”

What? This isnt Kanto…

“KANTO is no more! THIS IS HOENN!”

w0000t!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #57, Cult of the Damned

Location: Romantic Garden in Peltaburg City

Player: RIKKSMOM [2-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: POWDERPUFF)

Lancey? Lancey are you here?

“LANCE appeared!”

“LANCE: Yes, I’m here. Your Lancey is here.”

Lancey… why did we ever brake up?

“LANCE: Because you made me gay…”

Oh yea… I’m sorry about your balls… you don’t mind do you?

“LANCE: … … … … YES OF CORSE I MIND!”

… Oh, well then I’m sorry. Can’t we put all this unpleasantness behind us?

“LANCE: NOOOO!”

Oh… ok then.

Player: JAMES [record: 2-4-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEZING)

You know…, after all that Kanto nonsense ended, Flare Version has been quite boring… WHATS THE POINT on this new land of nothingness?

“YOU were hit by LIGHTNING BOLT!”

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! NARRATOR! DAM YOU!

“IT WASN’T ME!”

Then who..?

“YAMIYUGI’s SPIRIT appeared!”

Yami.. Yami Yugi!! GAH!! GET AWAY!

“SPIRIT: I am but an illusion. The real me is in the Shadow Realm… errr--- Black Version.”

Oh… I see. So what do you want from me?

“SPIRIT: I want you to start a cult… The Cult of Moto!”

Cult of Moto…?

“SPIRIT: Yes… Tell them that rpGamer must be stopped at all costs!”

… WHY SHOULD I?

“SPIRIT drew FLARE GUN!”

“SPIRIT: This is why.”

GAH!!! Wait… you’re a spirit you can’t shoot!

“SPIRIT: Want to test that theory?”

“SPIRIT: Look, I only have a limited amount of time left on this Earth before my Spirit vanishes completely. Trust me, James! TRUST ME!”

… Okay, I’ll do it…

“SPIRIT vanishes!”

Yami Yugi… I will finish your humble works…

“What? JAMES is evolving!”

…

“JAMES evolved into YAMIJAMES!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YAMI YUGI! I WILL NOT FAIL YOU..!

Location: Rustboro City

Listen, my children! Follow me if you want to know the way of True Light!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE are in close pursuit!”

Now. My children. The MOTO CULT! We are here for a reason.. all of us. Long ago, in a land far lost there was an EVIL WEBMASTER GOD that wanted to destroy all of the beautiful land of Kanto. Kanto fell into the depths of the sea because of a very special person named Yami Yugi. He saved us all from the webmaster. However, that same webmaster is here among us… In Hoenn today! He now plots to destroy this world… We must stop him at all costs!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE agree!”

"DOZENS OF PEOPLE want to join MOTO CULT!"

Yes.. YES!, my children. Let us all ride into paradise!

"FLARIKKS appeared!"

"MCNABB appeared!"

"SAL appeared!"

Hello, friends. Join in the cult!

"FLARIKKS says NEVER!"

"FLARIKKS used SPIT!"

"FLARIKKS spat on YOU!"

WHaa...?! You spit.. on me?! YAMI JAMES!! HMPH! YOU SHALL PAY!

Player: FLARIKKS [record: 28-17-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD)

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE want to KILL YOU!”

I’m not afraid. Go, my trusty Undead Friend.

“Go! UNDEADGATES!”

Undead gates, work on the Dozens of People first.

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE want to fight!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS!”

Hmph! Pathetic Zigzagoons! Undead Gates, dispose of this trash! HAHAHAHAHA!

“UNDEADGATES used DISPOSE TRASH!”

“No TRASH to dispose!”

… I meant the Zigzagoons…

“NARRATOR knows!”

“NARRATOR doesn’t CARE!”

Doh…

“DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON use DOZENS OF TACKLES!”

OWWWW… Looks like that hurts…

“UNDEADGATES fainted!”

Grrr… Go, Charmander!

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

Use Flamethrower!

“CHARMANDER used FLAMETHROWER!”

“CHARMANDER took out a FLAMETHROWER and was FLAMMING DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON!”

“DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON fainted!”

HAHAHAHAHA! James, it is I that is victorious today!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE isn’t finished with YOU!”

Doh…

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF PEOPLE!”

Great… Now we are going from innocent Pokebattles to evul murders…, Fine by me.

“Enemy DOZENS OF PEOPLE use LYNCH!”

“CHARMANDER fainted!”

CRAP! Duuuude, that’s not MORAL!! Grrr, take care of em Lord!

“Go! LORD!”

“NARRATOR is SCARRED at himself for all the POSSIBLE PUNS!”

Uh oh… I think the Narrator saw the Passion -.-

“Choose your own Narrator joke!”

Great.

“A. LORD was crusified! LORD died!

B. JUDAS ISCARIAT used BETRAY! LORD died!

C. LORD used PRAY. But, it failed and FLARIKKS loses!”

WHAT? I HATE THEM ALL!

“THEM ALL? O.o”

NOOO! NOT THEM ALL!

“THEM ALL? 0.0”

No, stop! STOP!

“JUDAS ISCARIAT used BETRAY while LORD was being crusified by DOZENS OF PEOPLE while LORD was praying. LORD died. FLARIKKS loses in its FAILURE to PRAY!”

… Gee, thanks a lot narrator.

“NO PROBLEM!”

“YAMIJAMES: Now, young one. Join our cult! JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE: JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US!”

GAH! McNabb… Sal… Let’s get outta here!

“MCNABB and SAL nod in agreement!”

“MCNABB ran away!”

“SAL walks away!”

My turn..?

“Couldn’t escape!”

GAH!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE: JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE: JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE: JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US!”

GAH!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!

“YAMIJAMES: You must join… Cult Moto!”

Alright… alright! ILL JOIN! (

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #58, The Cult’s Rampage

Location: Forest Somewhere in Hoenn

Player: WEBMASTER rpGamer [record: Too many 0’s in the WIN section to display here]

(Pokemon Lineup: CLOUDSTRIFE, CRONO, SERGE, SQUALL, SEPHIROTH, EMERALDWEAPON)

Right now, my good friends, we must focus on getting my God Powers back.

“OAK: But how, master? That would take the blood of a Yami-Spirit!”

Leah! Get out your Crystal Ball and help Oak locate a Yami Spirit!

“LEAH: Alright.”

“OAK: rpGamer, are you sure you thought this over? After all, Yami-Spirits are really powerful!”

Yes… yes, I know. But right now I must focus on getting my God Powers back. Nothing else matters until then.

“OAK: Alright, my Lord, I understand.”

Thank you, I knew you would, my old friend.

“LEAH: I have located a Yami-Spirit, my master!”

Wonderful! Where?

“LEAH: He’s in Rustburo City.”

Who is it?

“LEAH: Yami James…”

Location: Rustboro City

Well, let’s find them then.

Player: YAMIJAMES [record: 2-4-0][Leader of Cult Moto]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEZING)

OK! MY FOLLOWERS! OUR TIME FOR GREATNESS DRAWS NEAR!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE agree!”

“FLARIKKS hates you!”

Flarikks… Why do you hate me? The fact that you’re my Sex Slave shouldn’t mean much…

“FLARIKKS: Damn you!!”

Now now, a little fun is no need for harsh language.

“FLARIKKS: I wanna go home…”

TOO BAD! Hahahahaha!

“FLARIKKS: (”

Shut up and kiss me!

“FLARIKKS used LOVELY KISS!”

“YAMIJAMES is content!”

Harharharhar!!

“WEBMASTER rpGamer appeared!”

“LEAH appeared!”

“OAK appeared!”

There you are, rpGamer!

“FLARIKKS: Oh my god! THANK GOD! My saviors! Have you come to save me?!”

“LEAH wants to know why FLARIKKS is in a PINK BIKINI and has his PANTS down!”

“FLARIKKS: It’s not what it looks like!!”

“LEAH: Really? Cause it looks like you’re in a Pink Bikini with your Pants down…”

He’s my sex slave.

“LEAH: Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

“LEAH ran away!”

“WEBMASTER rpGamer: COWARD!”

Haha, rpGamer… as I was saying… Moto Cult! ATTACK!

“OAK wants to fight!”

“WEBMASTER rpGamer wants to fight!”

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE wants to fight!”

“Ally FLARIKKS wants to fight!”

Go, Weezing!

“The enemy is a former-god, Get’m, WEEZING!”

“OAK sent out PIKACHU!”

“WEBMASTER rpGamer sent out CRONO!”

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON!”

“Ally FLARIKKS sent out CHARMANDER!”

HA! You’re already outnumbered!

“Enemy CRONO used CYCLONE!”

“DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON fainted!”

Doh…

“Enemy PIKACHU used---“

PIKACHU? GAH!!! RUNNNN!

“YAMIJAMES ran away!”

Player: FLARIKKS [record: 28-18-4][Member of Cult Moto]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD [dead])

YAY! I’m FREEE!!

“YOU exited CULT MOTO!”

“YOU joined WEBMASTER rpGamer!”

HAHAHAHAHA! Hehehe…

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF PEOPLE!”

Now, Charmander! Use Chardust!

“CHARMANDER used CHARDUST!”

“But, it missed.”

Awwww…

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE used RIOT!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE are rioting!”

A lot of good that will do…

“KING OF FRANCE appeared!”

“KING OF FRANCE outlawed CRONOs for this BATTLE!”

“KING OF FRANCE disappeared!”

“Ally CRONO fainted!”

Nooooooo!

“Ally WEBMASTER rpGamer sent out SQUALL!”

“SQUALL used WARNING SHOT!”

“Enemy DOZENS OF PEOPLE are retreating!”

Yay! Yay! Yay!

“OAK disappeared!”

“OAK appeared with YAMIJAMES!”

“YAMIJAMES: No! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!”

“WEBMASTER rpGamer used DRINK BLOOD!”

“WEBMASTER rpGamer became a GOD and assended up to EARTH!”

Good job.

“YAMIJAMES ran away!”

“OAK: Thank you for your help, Rikks”

“LEAH: Yea thanks.. Now to return to my plot of killing the webmaster…”

Couldn’t you have killed him just now?

“LEAH: … ooops, I’m stupid…”

“LEAH ran away!”

“OAK ran away!”

Whatever… now to find McNabb and Sal again… grr

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #59, Neo Search

Location: Evergrande City

Player: MAY [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: MUDKIP, SWALLOW, RYHORN)

Hmph… Where did Sal go? Hmmm… Maybe he’s in Rustboro…

“SWALLOW used FLY!”

Location: Rustboro City

SAL! OH SAL!

“SAL appeared!”

“MCNABB appeared!”

Hello SAL! How are you? Want to battle?

“YOU want to fight!”

“DUEL unaccepted!”

WHAT? How can you deny me?

“SAL: I’m sorry, not now, May, I have to find Rikks.”

Rikks? You mean that kid I saw that was in a pink bikini with his pants down and was on fire?

“SAL: … Yup, that was probally him. Where did you see him?”

Ummm… he went that way.

“MAY points to the DEVON CORP.”

“SAL: Thanks, May I owe you one!”

Player: MCNABB [3-2-1][Fushia Gym Leader][Cinnabar Pokeball Team]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL, EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE)

Wooh… that’s a big building.

“IT IS!”

This city reminds me of Philadelphia.

“…”

Yup, good old Philly.

“SAL: Stop lollygagging, Don! C’mon!”

Location: Devon Corp. Building

Oooooooooo, Pretty building!!

“SAL: Glad you’re enjoying yourself… Now where did Rikks go?”

I duno.

“SAL: Grrr… I’ll look around here. You look upstairs.”

Alright then.

“MCNABB went upstairs!”

“SITH appeared!”

GAH!! SITH?! AS IN FROM STAR WARS?

“YES!”

“SITH looks evil!”

GAH!!!

“SITH wants to fight!”

Okay… Eherm… CMON DARTHY! I CAN KILL YOU ANYDAY!

“SITH sent out LIGHTSABER!”

Not good. Well, the Eagles can handle anything!! HAHAHA

“Except the POKEBALL TOURTAMENT and NFC DIVISION GAME!”

Shut up.

“MAKE ME!”

Agh… Go, eagle offence.

“Go! EAGOFFENCE!”

“SITH says join the DARK SIDE!”

What?! NEVER!

“SITH is your father!”

Noooooooooooooooo!

“SITH tells you to join the DARK SIDE or ELSE!”

Or else what?

“SITH says to go to your ROOM!”

I don’t have a room.

“SITH is taking away your GAMEBOY!”

You can’t touch my gameboy, Daddio.

“SITH doesn’t like being called DADDIO!”

Daddio.

“SITH is angry!”

“SITH withdrew LIGHTSABER and sent out SITH in his anger!”

Grrr… I’m no coward either!

“MCNABB withdrew EAGOFFENCE!”

“MCNABB sent out MCNABB!”

HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!

“SITH used FORCE!”

And..?

“MCNABB was forced to give GAMEBOY to SITH!”

WHAT? NOOOO!

“SITH grins!”

Not that it makes much difference with that helmet on…

“SITH removes HELMET!”

Eeeww, put it back on… please.

“SITH puts it BACK ON!”

“SITH holds GAMEBOY over chasm!”

That chasm wasn’t there a second ago…

“SITH cares not for your ignorance!”

“SITH says he with throw GAMEBOY into chasm if he DOESN’T join the DARK SIDE!”

No! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

“SITH isnt bluffing!”

Look, daddio, I have 768 hours on that Pokemon Cart…

“SITH says the batteries have been DEAD for a LONG TIME!”

Hey, I still haven't gotten around to picking up those power converters! It's a long story, actually. You see, my uncle said that I had to-

“SITH says you have 3 SECONDS to join the DARK SIDE!”

You wouldn’t … not to your own son…

“It’s super effective!”

What? Me being your son?

“It’s super effective!”

“SITH is paralized!”

HAHA!

“SITH drops GAMEBOY!”

“GAMEBOY fell into chasm!”

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

“SITH fainted!”

Well… at least… at least… I won!! Now to kick this dead corpse…

“MCNABB used KICK!”

“SITH is being KICKED!”

HAHAHA! EAT THE RATH OF MY CLEETS!

“What? MCNABB is evolving!”

Waaa..?

“MCNABB evolved into DARKMCNABB!”

Great… So I joined the Dark Side?

“CORRECT!”

Oh well, I guess I mines well enjoy it!

“DARKMCNABB used KICK!”

“MEANWHILE…”

Player: SAL [2-2-1][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU[dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead], EMPEROR SLAKING)

Rikks?! RIKKS?

“FLARIKKS appeared!”

Ewwww… what are you doing in a Pink Bikini with your pants down?

“FLARIKKS: Long story… Anyway, would you happen to have some spare clothes?

Sure…

“FLARIKKS put on COOL CLOTHES!”

“FLARIKKS: Thank god… Where’s Mcnabb?

He’s upstairs.

“SCREAMS of AGONY can be heard from ABOVE!”

Eherm… we should check on him.

“FLARIKKS agrees!”

“FLARIKKS goes upstairs!”

“SAL goes upstairs!”

…

“DARKMCNABB is kicking SITH!”

Ok, McNabb. Enough of that. I hate to burst your bubble---

“FLARIKKS grabbed SAL’s MOUTH!”

“FLARIKKS: Do you have any idea what something like that could do with a Narrator this insane?!”

“BUBBLE used BURST!”

“NUCLEAR EXPLOSION occurred!”

“RUSTBORO CITY was destroyed except for the DEVON CORP.”

“FLARIKKS ungrabbed MOUTH!”

GOD! THE NARRATOR IS MORE INSANE THAN I THOUGHT!

“SAL pissed himself--- AGAIN!”

GAH!!

“FLARIKKS hands YOU a TOWEL!”

Eherm… Thank you.

“DARKMCNABB: Ok, I’m ready now…”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle # 60, New Plans

Location: Police Station Ruins in Rustboro City

Player: YAMIJAMES [record: 2-5-0][Leader of Cult Moto]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEZING)

“CHIEF OF POLICE: So you are saying that you and your little Cult can hunt down the culprits of this attack?”

Yes, Me and my Dozens of Followers can easily kill Sal, it would be my pleasure.

“CHIEF OF POLICE: Alright. FOR RUSTBURO!”

For Power… for Glory… for Honor… and most importantly, for the Destruction of the Webmaster,

“CHIEF OF POLICE looks at you FUNNY!”

What are you looking at? Grrr… Well, off I am to catch those Terrorists.

“CHIEF OF POLICE: Very good then.”

Location: Rustboro City Ruins.

“SAL appeared!”

“DARKMCNABB appeared!”

“FLARIKKS appeared!”

You…

“FLARIKKS: You…”

“SAL pissed himself!”

DAMMIT! GET ANOTHER TOWEL!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE gave SAL DOZENS OF TOWELS!”

“SAL: Eherm… Thanks.”

ANYWAY… BACK TO … You…

“FLARIKKS: You…”

You know… Ever sinse Rustboro was destroyed I knew it was you three… Troublemakers! Now prepare to die! FOR RUSTBORO and the DESTRUCTION OF THE WEBMASTER!!

“FLARIKKS wants to fight!”

“SAL wants to fight!”

“DARKMCNABB wants to fight!”

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE want to fight!”

Ok. I get it. We all want to fight.

“NARRATOR cares not for your humor!”

Great… GO! WEEZING!

“Go! WEEZING!”

“FLARIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!”

“SAL sent out EMPEROR SLAKING!”

“DARKMCNABB sent out EAGDEFENCE!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON!”

Let’s do this Weezing!! USE SMOKE SCREEN!

“WEEZING used SMOKE SCREEN!”

“SMOKE SCREEN was BLOWN at YAMIJAMES!”

No!! I MEANT AT THEM! Grrr!

“Enemy EMPEROR SLAKING used PUNCH!”

“WORLD suddenly got PUNCHED by MASSIVE 10,000 TON HAND!”

“DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON fainted!”

“WORLD is moving away from SUN!”

SHI… SHI… SHITT!!

“WORLD is DOOMED!”

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF PEOPLE!”

This isnt good…

“Enemy UNDEADGATES used WINDOWS!”

“WEEZING crashed!”

“WEEZING fainted!”

NOO!

“WORLD is getting VERY COLD!”

BRRRRRRR!!

“EMPEROR SLAKING used PULL!”

“WORLD was SAVED and put BACK ON CORSE!”

Phew…

“Go! YAMIJAMES!”

Awwwwww…

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE used DOZENS OF ATTACKS!”

“Enemy UNDEADGATES fainted!”

“FLARIKKS sent out CHARMANDER!”

We have to kill that Slaking!

“EMPEROR SLAKING used EARTHQUAKE!”

“DEVON CORP. FELL to the GROUND!”

“YAMIJAMES and DOZENS OF PEOPLE got hit by DEVON CORP.!”

“YAMIJAMES fainted!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE fainted!”

Player: SAL [2-2-1][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU[dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead], EMPEROR SLAKING)

Great. Now all of Rustboro is destroyed… Well, I always wanted to be a outlaw!! YAY!

“SAL pissed himself!--- YET AGAIN!”

Awww… Does anyone have a towel?

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #61, Evil Ambitions

Location: Lillycove City

Player: SPANKY [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: URANUS)

Pretty soon… THE WORLD SHALL BE MINE! AND EVERYONE WILL KNOW THE TRUE DIVINITY OF SPANKY THE CLOWN! Teehee!

“YOU are INSANE!”

Yes. I know. And so is Uranus. Teehee!

“YOUR ANUS?”

Yes. Uranus. Teehee!

“NARRATOR blinks!”

That’s odd. Why did it get all dark for a second? Teehee!

“Because NARRATOR told it to!”

REALLY? DO YOU THINK THAT YOU, NARRATOR IS MORE POWERFUL THAN I, THE GREAT SPANKY THE CLOWN?! Teehee!

“YES!”

OK! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A FIGHT! Teehee!

“NARRATOR wants to fight!”

HA! FOOL! GO URANUS! Teehee!

“The enemy is invincable, Get’m URANUS!”

INVINCABLE?! HA! Teehee!

“NARRATOR sent out NARRATOR!”

HA! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A POKEMON! Teehee!

“Enemy NARRATOR used DELETE KEY!”

“URANUS fainted!”

WHATY? Teehee!

“You are going to die, Get’m SPANKY!”

I CANT DIE! IM SPANKY THE CLOWN! Teehee!

“NARRATOR used NARRATE!”

“NARRATOR narrated SPANKY being thrown off NEARBY CLIFF!”

Location: Nearby Cliff

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! Teehee!

“SPLAT!”

“BATTLE used ---“

WAAAIT! IM NOT DEAD YET!! HAR HAR HARHAR! Teehee!

“BUT YOU LOST!”

Well PLEASE CAN I FIGHT A NON-GOD?! Teehee!

“FINE…”

“HEART appeared!”

“HEART: Blub”

Jejejejejeje… Teehee!

“HEART wants to fight!”

YOU WILL LOSE! FOR I AM THE GREAT SPANKY THE CLOWN! Teehee!

“HEART sent out POLICEDOG!”

HA! THAT’S NO MATCH FOR… URANUS! Teehee!

“Go! URANUS!”

“Enemy POLICEDOG used GROWL!”

“URANUS’s anus greatly fell!”

GREAT!! NOW IT HAS A BIGGER ANUS! USE POOP! Teehee!

“URANUS used POOP!”

“NARRATOR is HORRIFIED by all the POSSIBLE PUNS!”

Teehee!?

“URANUS used POOP!”

“URANUS pooped its pants!”

Teehee! Teehee! Teehee! Teehee!

“SAL appeared!”

“SAL pissed himself!”

“SAL disappeared!”

… Teehee?

“Enemy POLICEDOG used BITE!”

“URANUS fainted!”

UGH! RETURN…

“Go! SPANKY!”

I CANNOT LOSE!

“SPANKY used HAPPY!”

“SPANKY is getting happy!”

Teehee! Teehee! Teehee!

“Enemy POLICEDOG used CRUNCH!”

“SPANKY was crunched!”

OWWWWWWW… Teehee!

“SPANKY fainted!”

… Teehee! Teehee! Teehee! Teehee! Teehee! Teehee!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #62, End of the World

Location: Lillycove City… at the bottom of Nearby Cliff

Player: SPANKY [0-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: URANUS)

THE WORLD SHALL NOT END! THE WORLD SHALL BE MINE – TEEHEE!

“END OF THE WORLD is simply a name…”

Oh… teehee Of corse.

“THE WORLD disappeared!”

Location: In the middle of space

GAH!! TEEHEE! MY WORLD!

“YOU can’t breath!”

GAH!! IR IN SPACE TEEHEE!! WHAT HAPPEN TO EARTH?!!!

“It disappeared!”

… Cant… breath…….

“AIR SPHERE appeared!”

“SPANKY went inside AIR SPHERE!”

Heh… teehee teehee teehee! THE EARTH! GAH!!!

“YOU must save the WORLD!”

Noooooooooooooooo! CONQUER THE WORLD!

“…”

But first I MUST SAVE IT!!

“EXACTLY!”

“UFO appeared!”

“UFO: GAH! There are survivors!”

“UFO ran away!”

GRRRR! COME BACK

“SPANKY ran after UFO!”

“SPANKY went out of AIR SPHERE!”

Can’t…… .. breath

“SPANKY ran back into AIR SPHERE!”

DAM! That ufo has something to do with it!! I TEEHEE KNOW IT!

“NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!”

Teehee! BUT HOW DO I GETHIM?!

“GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!”

Now time for your puns now, narrator…

“You got 10 BILLION POKeBALLS!”

…

“Wild 10 BILLION UFOS appeared!”

Gotta catch em all?

“TEEHEE!”

I see… GO URANUS!

“Go! URANUS!”

“Wild 10 BILLION UFOS used 10 BILLION LAZER BEAMS!”

“URANUS fainted!”

TEEHEEEEEEEE!

“Go! SPANKY!”

YOU… TEEHEE… ASKED FOR IT!!

“SPANKY used 10 BILLION POKeBALLS!”

“10 BILLION UFOS was caught!”

was? U MEAN WERE TEEHEE!

“NO! WAS!”

…WHATEVER TEEHEE

“THE WORLD reappeared!”

“HARMONY is restored!”

Location: Lillycove City

TEEHEE! 10 BILLION UFOS… WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THESE?

“TAKE OVER THE WORLD!”

Good idea.

“Go! 10 BILLION UFOS!”

Take over the world MY PRETTYS!!

“10 BILLION UFOS used DOMINATE!”

“WORLD is now YOURS!”

YAY!!!

“SERVANT: What can I do for you my highness?”

Get me some tea.. hee

“SERVANT: Right away, my lord.”

“GENERAL: Sir! A group of rebels are raiding towns in Southern Hoenn! What would you have me do?”

Who is it ?

“GENERAL: The Legendary Rikks, my lord.”

Kill him. Teehee

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle # 63, Rikk’s New “Friend”

Location: Fortree City

Player: DAZOMBIEMAN [record: 2-6-1][red version escapee]

(Pokemon Lineup: JEEVES)

Dam… IZZZ BEEN IN ROOOM FER LONG TIME

“YUP! 18 BATTLES exactly!”

Grrrr… SO DIFFFFRENNT WAZ HAPPEN ?!

“WELL, The POKEMON LEAGUE, YUGI WENT ON A RAMPAGE, EVERYONE THAT’S ANYONE GOT SENT TO BLACK VERSION, THEY DEFEATED MIKE--- A FEW TIMES. JAMES WENT INSANE TO CREATE CULT MOTO, AND CAPTURED RIKKS, WHO BROKE FREE LATER…. AND THEN, A CLOWN NAMED SPANKY TOOK OVER THE WORLD! WE ARE NOW IN THE HOENN REGION!”

WOWZ, TANKS DADDIO

“FLARRIKS appeared!”

“SAL appeared!”

“DARKMCNABB appeared!”

Oh… HEY HEYZ GUYZ

“FLARRIKKS: Hi…”

WHAAZ U DOIN?

“FLARRIKKS: We are going to stop the most evulest monkey in the entire WORLD~!”

KOOL! MINDZ IF I COMEZ ALONG?

“SAL: Yes, I do mind.”

Why?

“SAL pissed himself!”

“SAL: …”

Ewwwww… Maybe IZZ GO JOIN VIKKS INSTEAD…

“FLARRIKKS: No, it’s alright, Zombie. You can come along if you want.

“YOU joined FLARRIKS’s party!”

YAYYZZZ

“SPANKY appeared!”

“SPANKY: HA! I’ve been looking for you Teehee!”

VLAZZ? EVUL CLOWN EMPIRE?!

“FLARRIKKS: Spanky! PERPARE TO DIE!”

“SPANKY wants to fight!”

“Ally FLARRIKS wants to fight!”

“Ally SAL wants to fight!”

“Ally DARKMCNABB wants to fight!”

… WELLZ, LETZ GOO!

Player: FLARIKKS [record: 30-18-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD [dead])

ARE YOU READY?!

“SPANKY: Cmon! JUST TRY TO HURT MY POKEMON!

“SPANKY sent out 10 BILLION UFOs!”

Uh oh. Umm… go Charmander?

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

“Ally SAL sent out LORDSLAKING!”

“Ally DARKMCNABB sent out WEEDHILL!”

“Ally DAZOMBIEMAN sent out JEEVES!”

LETS GO!

“Ally JEEVES fainted!”

…

“Ally DAZOMBIEMAN sent out DAZOMBIEMAN!”

Oh god, help us…

“10 BILLION UFOs used 10 BILLION LAZER SHOTS!”

“CHARMANDER fainted. Use next Pokemon?”

GOD! THAT WAS A BIT OF AN OVERKILL… Surprised it didn’t die… grr! GO UNDEADGATES!

“There are 10 Billion UFOs wanting to kill you! Get’m, UNDEADGATES!”

Cmon, guys! Lets take a few out!

“Ally LORDSLAKING used PUNCH!”

“Critical hit!”

Wow… like he got 9 billion 901 million of them… only 99 million to go -.-

“What? Enemy 10 BILLION UFOs is devolving?”

“Enemy 10 BILLION UFOs devolved into 99 MILLION UFOs!”

Grrr…

“Ally DAZOMBIEMAN used SPELLBREAK!”

“Enemy 99 MILLION UFOs’s spell harshly fell!”

WTF is “Spell?!”

“Enemy 99 MILLION UFOs used SPELLCOUNTER!”

“Ally DAZOMBIEMAN fainted!”

Doh… Undeadgates! DO SOMETHING..!

“UNDEADGATES used RAISEDEAD!”

“1 MILLION UFOs rose from the DEAD and JOINED YOU!”

YES!!!

“SPANKY: Grrr! Using my own UFOs against me! You slime! NO! You’re worse than slime! YOU ARE A BOOZLETRON!”

Boozletron?

“YES!”

“GENERAL appeared!”

“GENERAL: Sir Spanky, Johto is starting a mass rebellion. It is wise to stop thinking about this minor threat and start thinking about the Johtos.”

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ‘MINOR’?

“GENERAL: Well, you are not nearly as powerful as the Johtos… It would be all too easy to crush you… come Sir Spanky. We will deal with this minor threat after our main threat has been eliminated.”

“SPANKY: Alrite! LISTEN RIKKS! You havent seen the last of me!”

“SPANKY and GENERAL disappeared!”

… Minor?! COMEON GUYS! LETS GO TO JOHTO! THEY NEED US!

“DAZOMBIEMAN, SAL and DARKMCNABB agree!”

Location: Docks

One ticket for Johto, please.

Location: Johto

That was fast…

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #64, Journy to the City of Destiny

Location: Goldenrod City

Player: FLARIKKS [record: 30-18-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, 1 MILLION UFOs JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD [dead])

We must find those rebels… well guys. Let’s split up.

“SAL, DARKMCNABB and DAZOMBIEMAN all agree!”

Good…

“SAL went to the north!”

“DARKMCNABB went to the west!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN went to the east!”

Well, it would seem I have to check the south of Johto…

“YUP!”

I see… Anyway, lets get going then.

Location: Route below Goldenrod City

Hmmmmm… Hey! There’s some kid! HI!

“KID: Ummmm… hi? Can I help you?”

Yes, I’m looking for the Rebels of Johto.

“KID: They are all around you…”

Huh?

“KID: Everyone in Johto is a Rebel… well, besides the evil people of Johto’s capatal. I think that Spanky has brainwashed them or something.”

I see… So, where is this “capatal”?

“KID: Ummm… That way.”

“KID points threw forest!”

EEEKKK! Isnt there kind off route to get there?!

“KID: Nope. Spanky destroyed it.”

I see… Well, I will find it and crush Spanky!!

“KID: …. You and whose army. Spanky is invincable! I’m surprised that the Rebellion has lasted this long.”

Hmph! Quiet you!

“SAL appeared!”

“DARKMCNABB appeared!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN appeared!”

See, Kid! I HAVE AN ARMY TOO!

“KID: An army of losers… Don’t you know anything about that forest?!”

Ummm… no. What should I know?

“KID: The trees… are evil. BEWARE OF THE TREES!”

Riiiiite. Well, cmon guys we got nothing to worry about.

“KID: I warned you…”

Location: Forest of Invincable Trees

Forest of Invincable Trees? Odd name for a place, I must say.

“TREE appeared!”

“TREE wants to fight!”

…. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

“TREE sent out TREE!”

Hmph! It actually thinks it can win! HA!

“SAL: Ummmm… Rikks time to run…”

Why? It’s just a tree…

“TREE wants to fight!”

“TREE wants to fight!”

“TREE wants to fight!”

“TREE wants to fight!”

Uh oh… Hmmm… Well, it’s a Grass type so I’ll just use my trusty Charmander!

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

“SAL sent out LORDSLAKING!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN sent out JEEVES!”

“JEEVES fainted”!

“DAZOMBIEMAN: Awwww…”

“DAZOMBIEMAN sent out DAZOMBIEMAN!”

“DARKMCNABB sent out WEEDHILL!”

Ok… now what to use? Hmmm! I KNOW! FIRE SPIN!

“FIRE is spinning about! FIRE SPIN hit LORDSLAKING!”

“SAL: YOU BASTARD!”

Sorry…

“Enemy TREE used DEATH!”

“Ally LORDSLAKING fainted!”

… HOW?!

“DAZOMBIEMAN ran away!”

“DARKMCNABB ran away!”

“SAL ran away!”

Uh oh… NOT GOOD!

“SPECIALVIKKS appeared!”

“CINNAGOO appeared!”

“PIZZAMAN appeared!”

Ummm… Hey guys…

“SPECIALVIKKS: Hi! LETS BATTLE!”

HOW ABOUT NOT?! LOOK AT THOSE TREES!

“SPECIALVIKKS: So? They’re just ordinary trees… umm… with red eyes… WHO CARES?!”

“TREES used RED EYES!”

“TREES look evil!”

“SPECIALVIKKS: … Odd”

GET AWAY FROM ME!

“SPECIALVIKKS: Fine… if you don’t want my help.”

“SPECIALVIKKS ran away!”

“CINNAGOO ran away!”

“PIZZAMAN ran away!”

Uphm… now what?

“TREE used FALL!”

“TREE fell on CHARMANDER!”

“TREE died!”

“CHARMANDER fainted!”

Great… Now what Pokemon to use?! Oh yes… these 1 million UFOs I have…

“The enemy is invincable, Get’m, 1 MILLION UFOs!”

USE LAZER BEAM ATTACK!

“1 MILLION UFOs used 1 MILLION LAZERBEAMS!”

“FLARRIKKS was hit by LAZERBEAMS!”

OWWWWW!!

“FLARRIKKS fainted!”

“10 HOURS LATER…”

“FLARRIKKS woke up!”

OWWWW!!! Last thing I remember…

“Enemy TREES are dead!”

What the… who possesses the power to destroy those invincable trees?

“FASTER than a SLOWPOKE!”

Wha?

“HIGHER than a DRUGGIE!”

Ummmm…

“GREATER than a BUG!”

“It’s a CATERPIE!”

“It’s a LOSER!”

“No! It’s the One, the Only… SUPERMON!”

Super MON..?

“SUPERMON appeared!”

“SUPERMON: Hello, civiallian. I just saved you from the forest of INVINCABE trees!!!”

Yea… thanks. You know you kinda look like a Pokemon freak--- you know, with those glasses, and Pokefan look…

“SUPERMON: You dare dis the 1337 Super MON?! Hark, mortal! How dare thee!”

Eherm.. sorry. So, whats your hidden idenity? Professor Oak?

“SUPERMON: … Super MON never reveals his identity!”

Whatever. Hey--- where did Sal Mcnabb and DaZombieMan go?

“SUPERMON: You must mean those weaklings that kept pissing their pants, kicking a dead sith and VLA-ing.”

Yah, that’s them.

“SUPERMON: Oh yes, that’s right! They told me to tell you something!!”

What would this something be?

“SUPERMON: That they are headed back to Hoenn and you can take ‘Spanky’ on all by yourself.”

WHAAT?… NO WAY!

“SUPERMON: But do not fear! SUPER MON IS HERE!”

Great… Now to go to that city…

“SUPERMON joined your party!”

Joy. This is just perfect.

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #63, Johto’s Last Hope

Location: Over the Ruins of the Invincable Tree Forest

Player: FLARIKKS [record: 30-19-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, 1 MILLION UFOs JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD [dead])

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN FLY?!

“SUPERMON is trying!”

GAH!!

“HIT an AIRPLANE!”

Ouchies…

“HIT another AIRPLANE!”

OWWWWW!!

“HIT AGAIN!”

GAHHH!! Look out…

“BOOM! HIT AGAIN!”

Be careful.. you almost MISSED ONE!

“SUPERMON: I’m sorry… my flying skills are not complete.”

Whatever.

Location: City of Destiny (Johto’s Capital)

“Wild CITIZENS: Oh my lord! It’s fater than a Slowpoke! Higher than a druggie! GREATER THAN A BUG!! It’s a Caterpie! It’s a Flying Loser!! No, It’s…! IT’S!!… SUPERMON!”

“SUPERMON: Glad to know I’m well known…”

… I’m not even going to say anything. By the way, it would seem that the Wild Citizens are aiming that rather suspisous looking red cannon at us. I think---

“Hit a BUILDING!”

DOH!

“Fell to the ground!”

ANYWAY…

“Wild CITIZENS want to fight!”

Uh oh.

“Ally SUPERMON wants to fight!”

“SUPERMON: I’ll protect you, soldier!”

Great. I have a weakling on my side, while my enemys get a shiny red cannon, yea… this is fair.

“Wild CITIZENS use RED CANNON!”

“SUPERMON was hit!”

“SUPERMON was BLASTED to the STARS!”

Grrr.. Go! Gates!!!

“Go! UNDEADGATES!”

Now, Undead Gates!! LIFE DRAIN!

“UNDEADGATES used LIFEDRAIN!”

“Wild CITIZENS were drained of LIFE!”

Heh… that should do the trick. Not hard at all, if I don’t say so myself.

“Wild CITIZENS died!”

Perfect. Now to find Spanky…

“SPANKY appeared!”

“SPANKY: So, Rikks… we meat again!”

Spanky!

“SPANKY: You may have gotten lucky last time, but this time you wont be so lucky!!”

You’re so sure of this how?

“SPANKY: Well… because… because! I’m the invincable Spanky!!”

Trust me in this universe… Nothing is invincable.

“SPANKY: Hah! Show me proof with your Pokemon, not with your words! Go 99 Million UFOS!”

“SPANKY sent out 99MILLIONUFOS!”

Grrr!

“To be continued…”

Battle #65, Within the Dark

Location: Shadows of Horror

Player: ZEROPH-ZEAL [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: NECROFEAR)

Destiny, my family. I can feel destiny slowly moving towards us.

“MARLO-ZEAL: Zeroph! How can we be sure?”

Marlo… You started this! I would expect you of all people to finish…

“MARLO-ZEAL: Spanky is losing confidence in himself… Take a look.”

Location: In a Crystal Ball in the Shadows of Horror

“SPANKY: GAH! NOT ANOTHER 50 MILLION!”

“49MILLIONUFOS are about to EXPLODE!”

“SPANKY: Oh… OH NO! NOOOOOO!”

“49 MILLIONUFOS died!”

“SPANKY: Uranus..?”

“SPANKY sent out URANUS!”

“CHARMANDER used FLAMETHROWER!”

“URANUS fainted!”

Location: Shadows of Horror

“MARLO-ZEAL: See? Rikks is getting too powerful…”

“SONAR-ZEAL: Perphaps it is time to show him his fate?”

No! That’s too risky. We still need Spanky to do a few things before Rikks does that!!

“SONAR-ZEAL: Spanky is defeated! He cant do a thing!”

Hmph… There must be another way.

“ZEALIOUS-ZEAL: Hmmm… another way… What about Janus..?”

Janus… Hmmmmmmm…

“LORD JANUS appeared!”

Hnnnn… Lord Magus, I thought you were too scared to show around here again! Expecially with your humilating loss to Rikks!

“LORD JANUS: I’m sorry. I’ve come to fight for the Shadow Way once more.”

Very well then. We have need for your assistance…

“LORD JANUS was renamed JANUS-ZEAL!”

Very good. Now, Janus… It is time.

“JANUS-ZEAL: Yes, Zeroph.”

Very good. Lunar!

“LUNAR-ZEAL said, ‘Yes?’”

Hnnnnnnn… Your Pokemon all represent the opposites of the Shadows… See to it that Janus doesn’t fail!!

Player: FLARIKKS [record: 32-19-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER, CHARMANDER, 1 MILLION UFOs, JYNX [dead], X-BOX, LORD [dead])

Location: City of Destiny

“SPANKY: GAH! URANUS! TEEHEE!”

Pathetic. I thought you would be more of a challenge then that…

“JANUS-ZEAL appeared!”

Yo! Lord Janus! What’s up?

“JANUS-ZEAL: Today! Rikks! TODAY! YOU PLAY YOUR DESTINY!”

Huh? Something wrong with you, dude?

“JANUS-ZEAL: You!! RIKKS! Fate has chosen you to meet Destiny!”

Whatever you’re on, I want it.

“JANUS-ZEAL: Be serious. Come forth from the shadows! Lunar!”

“LUNAR-ZEAL appeared!”

“JANUS-ZEAL: Good luck, Rikks…”

“JANUS-ZEAL disappeared!”

Where… whered he go?

“LUNAR-ZEAL: Let dawn occur! Come forth, Fate and Destiny! Show the wrath of yourselves to this induvidual!”

“LUNAR-ZEAL sent out FATE!”

“LUNAR-ZEAL sent out DESTINY!”

What the…? Fine then! If you want a Pokemon Battle, you got it!

“Go! CHARMANDER and UNDEADGATES!”

“LUNAR-ZEAL: It is pointless to stand up against Fate and Destiny. Now! Combination attack!

“Enemy FATE used COUNTDOWN! 10!”

So? I can beat you before THAT goes off…

“Enemy DESTINY used NOW!”

“Countdown went to 0 AUTOMATICALLY!”

{O.O} Not good.

“Enemy FATE used DEVISTATE!”

“CHARMANDER fainted!”

“UNDEADGATES fainted!”

Holy shit!!

“Go! 1 MILLION UFOs and X-BOX!”

“X-BOX: I HATE YOU!”

Shut up! Look at them!!

“X-BOX: … AAHHHHHHHHHHH w00000000000000t!”

Now go fight unless you want to die!

“X-BOX died!”

Doh!!

“Go! RUBYVER!”

“RUBYVER wants to KILL YOU!”

I don’t have time for this!

“RUBYVER used---“

“Enemy DESTINY used TIMEWARP!”

“RUBYVER was WARPED before its CREATION!”

“RUBYVER died!”

… Great. Ufos! You’re my last hope! 1 Million Lazer Beams ATTACK!

“1MILLIONUFOS used 1MILLIONLAZERBEAMS!”

“Enemy FATE and DESTINY ate the attack!”

… Well I’ll be.

“What? Enemy FATE and DESTINY are merging!”

Mer… MERGING?

“Enemy FATE and DESTINY merged to form TIMEDEVOURER!”

{!O_O!} AHHHHHHHH!

“Enemy TIMEDEVOURER used TIMEFREEZE!”

“TIMEFREEZE ended!”

What was that?

“1MILLIONUFOs are fainted on the GROUND!”

GAH~!!

“Go! FLARIKKS!”

GAH~~~~!!!!

“LUNAR-ZEAL: Now! Time Devourer! Show this induvidual his FATE AND DESTINY!”

“What? TIMEDEVOURER are unmerging!”

“TIMEDEVOURER unmerged into FATE and DESTINY!”

….. This is the end.

“Enemy FATE used PORTAL-ALPHA!”

“Enemy DESTINY used PORTAL-BETA!”

“Enemy LUNAR-ZEAL used PORTAL-GAMMA!”

“PORTAL opened!”

…

“Being SUCKED into PORTAL!”

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

“THROWN in PORTAL!”

Location: Shadows of Horror

Wher… where am I?

“ZEROPH-ZEAL: Welcome to our domain, the Shadows of Horror!”

What do you want with me?

“ZEROPH-ZEAL: We have to show you something…”

What?

“ZEROPH-ZEAL: You still have that Devil Pendant, do you not?”

I do…

“ZEROPH-ZEAL: For your destiny to unfold, it needs to be nuetralized. Give it to me.”

Wha…what?! Never!

“ZEROPH-ZEAL stole the DEVIL PENDANT!”

WHAT?

“What? FLARIKKS is devolving!”

“FLARIKKS evolved into RIKKS!”

Ughh!

“ZEROPH-ZEAL: Now, Zeroph! You are ready!”

“RIKKS got the ANGEL PENDANT!”

WHAT? GRRAHHHHGGGHHH!!

“What? RIKKS is evolving!”

……

“RIKKS evolved into SAINT RIKKS!”

Ooooooo…

Location: Destiny City

…

“SUPERMON came flying down!”

“SUPERMON: Wooh! You’re not on fire anymore! You okay, civiallian?”

I’m… I’m fine… I feel… fine.

“SUPERMON: I’ll be off, stranger!”

“SUPERMON flew off--- and hit AIRPLANE!”

Doh.

“SAL appeared!”

“DARKMCNABB appeared!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN appeared!”

“SAL: RIKKS?!!”

“SAL pissed himself!”

Here’s a towel…

“Gave SAL a TOWEL!”

“SAL: Eherm… Thanks.

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #66, Yami James’s Return

Location: Lillycove City

Player: SPECIALVIKKS [record: 8-9-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: WARTURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN[dead])

nothing exciting ever happens around here…

“YAMIJAMES appeared!”

“DOZENSOFPEOPLE appeared!”

Well, if it isnt the loser cult…

“YAMIJAMES: I care not for your ignorance! Surrender immediately! Anyone who disobeys master Yugi must DIE!”

Bah… all the cult leaders of this world are gay.

“CINAGOO agrees!”

“PIZZAMAN agrees!”

“YAMIJAMES: That’s it! Prepare to die!”

“YAMIJAMES wants to fight!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE want to fight!”

Grrr… We are greatly outnumbered.

“DANDAMAN appeared!”

THANK GOD! Hello, DANDAMAN.

“DANDAMAN wants to know WHO you are and WHY you have a GIANT GASH in your CHEST!”

Rather long story actually… but you see, I could use your help…

“DANDAMAN: SAY NO MORE! SUPERMON IS HERE!”

Ummmm, I don’t see him…

“DANDAMAN: Ummmm… Excuse me for a second…”

“DANDAMAN runs in nearby PHONEBOOTH!”

“SUPERMON emerges from PHONEBOOTH!”

Geee! How did that kid know that Supermon was going to be here? That kid must’ve been a psychic! Oh my lord! He’s fater than a Slowpoke! Higher than a druggie! GREATER THAN A BUG!! Oh my lord! It’s the one and only SUPERMON!

“SUPERMON: Hello civiallian! What can I do for you!”

I’m being attacked by this cult – and

“SUPERMON: HAVE NO FEAR! SUPERMON IS HERE!”

“Ally SUPERMON wants to fight!”

“Ally CINNAGOO wants to fight!”

“Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight!”

“Enemy YAMIJAMES sent out WEEZING!”

“Enemy DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON!”

Let’s go team!!

“Go! WARTURTLE!”

“Ally SUPERMON sent out SUPERMON!”

“Ally CINNAGOO sent out RALTS!”

“Ally PIZZAMAN sent out CHEESEPIZZA!”

Warturtle now! Hyrdo Pump!!

“WARTURTLE used HYDRO PUMP!”

“DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON are angry!”

Grrrr!

“Ally CHEESEPIZZA used TACKLE!”

“Enemy WEEZING ate the attack!”

“Ally CHEESEPIZZA died!”

WHAT?! PIZZAMAN! I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU!

“PIZZAMAN: Sorry…”

“Ally PIZZAMAN sent out SAUSAGEPIZZA!”

Hey… where did Supermon go?

“Ally SUPERMON used SKY DIVE!”

Oh my lord… Hes slower than a speeding comet!!

“SUPERMON smashed WEEZING with FOAM FISTS!”

Dear lord! Fists of Foam!! Oh my!

“Enemy WEEZING fainted!”

“YAMIJAMES sent out YAMIJAMES!”

This is looking up!

“YAMIJAMES used YAMIKAMI!”

“SUPERMON is hurled off to MARS!”

“SUPERMON hit MARS and is FLYING BACK!”

Now that’s faster than a speeding comet.

“SUPERMON hit GROUND!”

“SUPERMON fainted!”

Eh… Poor Dude.

“Ally RALTS used PSYCHIC!”

“Enemy DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON fainted!”

Good then.

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF PEOPLE!”

“YAMIJAMES used YAMIDAMI!”

“YAMIJAMES wins!”

WHAT? HOW?

“SPECIALVIKKS whited out!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #67, The Hoenn Cup

Location: Evergrande City

Player: MAY [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: MUDKIP, SWALLOW, RHYHORN)

Hmmmm… the Hoenn Cup! Something no true Hoenn resident trainer can miss! Sal MUST be here!

“HOST: Welcome one and all! Today we are going to host the annual HOENN CUP! Last year, player SAL won barely against our runner up, STEVEN. And of corse the other two semi finalists, MAY and DOZENS OF PEOPLE. This year, we have many new contenders that have collected all 8 HOENN BADGES! Let them come out now- SAINT RIKKS, ANG’US, DAZOMBIEMAN, DARKMCNABB, SAL…”

Yes… Sal’s here!

“…MAY, DOZENS OF PEOPLE, STEVEN. Unlike the POKEMON LEAGUE, this Cup will start off with a BATTLE ROYAL to decide who goes onto the SEMI FINALS! Good luck to one and all!”

Let’s GOOOOOOO!

“Go! RHYHORN!”

“SAL sent out LORD SLAKING!”

“SAINT RIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!”

“ANG’US sent out PORKCHOPS!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN sent out JEEVES!”

“JEEVES fainted!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN sent out DAZOMBIEMAN!”

“DARKMCNBABB sent out WEEDHILL!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON!”

“STEVEN sent out SHINEY!”

This is going to be too easy! Rhyhorn! ROCK ATTACK!

“RHYHORN used ROCK ATTACK!”

“RHYHORN was picking up ROCKS and ATTACKING them!”

Wow. That’s never happened before.

“Enemy LORD SLAKING used ETERNAL PUNCH WAVE!”

… That cannot be good.

“RHYHORN fainted!”

Grrr… Go! MUDKIP!!

“Go! MUDKIP!”

“Enemy UNDEADGATES used PSHYPUNCH on PORKCHOPS!”

“But, it failed…”

“Enemy PORKCHOPS used SMOKE!”

“Enemy PORKCHOPS is now TENDER!”

Joy.

“Enemy ANG’US ate PORKCHOPS!”

“Enemy PORKCHOPS died.”

Wow.

“ANG’US sent out PORKYPIG!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN used SIT!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN is just SITTING THERE!”

He will die.

“WEEDHILL used STRING SHOT!”

“MUDKIP’s speed harshy fell!”

Grrr! You will pay for that!

“Enemy DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON used WORLDWIDE THREAT!”

“DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON were renamed THE ZIG-TALABAN!”

Uh oh.

“Enemy ZIG-TALABAN used TERROR!”

“TERROR is being FEARED!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN ran away!”

“STEVEN ran away!”

“ANG’US ran away!”

“DARKMCNABB ran away!”

“Enemy ZIG-TALABAN was renamed DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON.

Well… that was quite effective.

“HOST: Well, we have our final four and they are: MAY, SAL, SAINT RIKKS, and DOZENS OF PEOPLE! All losers so far are welcomed to stay for the final rounds!”

Battle #68, Evergrande City

Location: Evergrande City

Player: DARKMCNABB [5-3-1][Fushia Gym Leader][Cinnabar Pokeball Team]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL, EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE)

GRR! How could I lose that? Stupid Talaban…

“TALABAN MEMBER appeared!”

Not now narrator, I’m not in the mood.

“TALABAN MEMBER is walking into NEARBY STORE!”

… I guess it is up to me! I must protect the people in that store!!

Location: Evergrande Market

“TALABAN MEMBER was renamed BILLIONS OF RED BLOOD CELLS SCATTERED AROUND THE ROOM!”

Well I’ll be. I wonder who did that.

“CASHIER appeared!”

Wow! You did this?

“CASHIER: Hello! How can I help you?”

… Well, actually I would like to buy this Pokemon game… my dad kind of destroyed my last copy…

“CASHIER: Take your time.”

Ummm… I don’t need to. I want THIS!

“CASHIER: Pokemon Game? That will be 1,000,000,000 YEN.”

ONE BILLION? FOR A POKEMON GAME!! WHAT KIND OF PRICES ARE THOSE!

“CASHIER: Take your time.”

… You will die.

“CASHIER: Take your time.”

Grrr! Go! Eagle Offence!

“Go! EAGOFFENCE!”

“CASHIER wants to fight!”

“CASHIER sent out MEGACYBER!”

WOOH! That things… That things… A giant.. Metal WARRIOR!

“CASHIER was renamed SONAR-ZEAL!”

Zeal? Wasn’t those the dudes that thefted Rikk’s pendant?

“SONAR-ZEAL: You have knowledge of this? You must know him…”

Why, by a matter of fact I do! You see we met when he came into a gym I had just appeared in ---

“SONAR-ZEAL: There is something else we want from him. And you can give it to us. This battle means more than you think…”

Grr! Eagle Offence! Defend me! Use Bodyslams!!

“EAGOFFENCE used BODYSLAM!”

“Enemy MEAGCYBER’s power is building!”

Whats this?!

“SONAR-ZEAL: Megacyber’s special attack… there is no way you can win.”

Errrr… right… Eagle Offence! Use Headbutt!

“EAGOFFENCE used HEADBUTT!”

“It’s not very effective…”

Grrr…

“Enemy MEGACYBER unleashed POWER!”

“Enemy MEGACYBER used GIGABLAST!”

What the..? Hey! My Pokeballs!!

“Go! WEEDHILL!”

“Go! EAGDEFENCE!”

What’s happening?

“SONAR-ZEAL: Whats this?! You… You are the owner of the Brace of United We Stand? No way!

“GIGABLAST hit EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE, and WEEDHILL!”

“What? EAGOFFENCE EAGDEFENCE and WEEDHILL are merging!”

WTF?

“SONAR-ZEAL: Oh my. You have the 2nd United We Stand Brace it would seem. How unfortanute. It is what gives LUNAR such power…”

“EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE and WEEDHILL merged into HILLYBILLY!”

“HILLYBILLY ate the attack!”

WONDERFUL! Now! Hillybilly! Use… erm… whatever attack you know!!

“HILLYBILLY used SABER STRIKES!”

“Hit 46 times!”

“Enemy MEGACYBER fainted!”

Yay!!!

“What? HILLYBILLY is unmerging…”

“HILLYBILLY unmerged into EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE, and WEEDHILL”

Yay!!

“SONAR-ZEAL: You give me no choice.”

“SONAR-ZEAL used MASTERBALL!”

“You were caught!”

What? Nooooooooooooooo!

“Did the NARRATOR mention it was SOUNDPROOF?”

DAM!! NOOOOOOO!

Location: Evergrande City

Player: SAINT RIKKS [record: 33-20-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER [dead], CHARMANDER, 1 MILLION UFOs, JYNX [dead], X-BOX [dead], LORD [dead])

Hey, Sal have you seen McNabb anywhere?

“SAL: No… I thought he went into that store.”

Let’s check it out!

Location: Evergrande Markets

“BLOOD STAINS are all over WALL!”

WTF?!

“SONAR-ZEAL appeared!”

Sonar… ZEAL?

“SONAR-ZEAL: So, you are the friends of this madman… trying to rob my store?”

Your impressions don’t fool me!! I know you are from the Zeals!

“SONAR-ZEAL was renamed CASHIER!”

“CASHIER: I’m sorry, I … forgot to change my name due to ummmm… yes, I was changing my name too… ummm… erm… Yes! I remember. I’m an international spy so I changed my name to Sonar Zeal to catch an enemy off guard.”

Oh, ok. So what do you have for sale?

“CASHIER: Phew… anyway, we have this large selection of…

Ooooo, Pretty Pokeballs!

“CASHIER: Eherm… please don’t touch them.

“Go! DARKMCNABB!”

WTF?!

“CASHIER: Damn… I was hoping to catch you offguard… but o well!”

“CASHIER was renamed SONAR-ZEAL!”

GAH!! So you are a Zeal!! So what did you want him for?

“CASHIER: Bait… for you… Plus this…”

“CASHIER flashed the UNITED WE STAND BRACE!”

Isnt that the brace I gave him?

“SAL: Yea, I could have sworn that was the brace that Yami James made you wear when you were in a Pink Bikini with your pants down…”

… Ok, enough of that…

“DARKMCNABB: WHAT? You gave me THAT? I thought we were friends!!”

Well, We’re not.

“DARKMCNABB: Grrr..”

As for you Sonar! Prepare to die!

“SONAR-ZEAL: You think I take threats from you? Then you have something definatly coming… Go! Megacyber!”

“SONAR-ZEAL sent out MEGACYBER!”

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

Ok! Charmander! Forever Burn!

“CHARMANDER used FOREVER BURN!”

“MEGACYBER is now FOREVERLY BURNING!”

Good job! Now finish the deal!

“CHARMANDER used BITE!”

“Enemy MEGACYBER used BITE!”

HUH?! Oh NOOOO!

“CHARMANDER and MEGACYBER combo attack! KISSING MORONS!”

{o.o} Holy god.

“CHARMANDER’s and MEGACYBER’s attack continues!”

Tooo painful…!!

“SONAR-ZEAL: Gah!! What is this insanity?!”

“Both Enemy MEGACYBER and CHARMANDER fainted of EXTREME DISCOMPHERT!”

“SONAR ZEAL: Hmmmm… Perphaps I have underestimated your abilites… I will be back!!”

Grrrr! You!

“SONAR-ZEAL evaporated!”

… I’ll be waiting.

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #69, Supermon’s Calling

Location: Underground Labatory Somewhere Secret in a Secretly Secret Location Someplace Secret

Player: DANDAMAN [record: 1-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

You know, I think this Underground Labatory Somewhere Secret in a Secretly Secret Location Someplace Secret will work perfectly as an secret base!

“RAMSLY agrees!”

Thank you, Ramsly. Turn on the Mon-Screen on now!!

“RAMSLY: Right away, sir.”

“MON SCREEN ONLINE!”

YAY!!

“MON SCREEN: You got mail!”

I got mail! I got mail! YAY!! Open it.

“MON SCREEN: Mail from XXX PORN WEBSITE DUDE.”

“RAMSLY: I’m sorry, that’s for me.”

Errrrrr… this is not what I had in mind when I said you could use my email--- HEY! No masterbating in the Underground Labatory Somewhere Secret in a Secretly Secret Location Someplace Secret!!

“RAMSLY: I’m sorry, sir. I cannot help myself, I get alone sometimes. Just my cooklie bear and I.”

Cooklie bear?

“RAMSLY: My teddy bear, sir. We shared great nights together.”

…

“RAMSLY: Just me and my Cooklie bear… OoOoOOoOOOOOOo”

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MASTERBATING IN THE… Underground Labatory Somewhere Secret in a Secretly Secret Location Someplace Secret!!!

“RAMSLY: Dreadfully sorry, sir.”

Errrr.. right… MON SCREEN! SEARCH FOR TROUBLE

“MON SCREEN: Searching for Trouble. Please wait.”

Hmmmmmm…

“2 hours later.”

…. WTF? Why is it taking so long?

“MON SCREEN: 45% remaining!”

RAMSLY!! WHAT IS THIS? IT TAKES SO LONGGGGG!

“RAMSLY: This is the MS Mon Screen 2004!”

… MS standing for what..?

“RAMSLY: Microsoft, sir.”

“DANDAMAN used PUNCH!”

“RAMSLY was punched across the face!”

Errrr…

“3 hours later.”

“MON SCREEN: Search complete!”

FINALLY!! AND..?

“MON SCREEN: SEARCH has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down.”

WTF?

“MON SCREEN: Please restart your MS Mon Screen 2004.”

…

“6 hours later.”

“MON SCREEN: Search complete!”

… And..?

“MON SCREEN: 1 Items found!”

“MON SCREEN: SEARCH has perfromed and illegal operation and must be shut down.”

WTF?!!

“MON SCREEN: Please restart your MS Mon Screen 2004.”

Nooooooo!! WTH!!

“6 hours later.”

“MON SCREEN: Search complete!”

Zzzzzzzzzzzz…

“MON SCREEN: 1 Items found!”

“MON SCREEN: …Evergrande City…The Zeals…Save the people, the Zeals are invading this turf..”

All that time FOR THAT?!

“MON SCREEN: UPDATE!”

Really?

“MON SCREEN: Mission ‘Evergrande City’ is over. Zeals retreated but took one prisioner: MAY.”

Then I shall save her!!

“MON SCREEN: SEARCH has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down.”

Whatever. LETS FLY!!

“What? DANDAMAN is changing in the PHONE BOOTH!”

Player: SUPERMON [1-2-0][Super Hero]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

“DANDAMAN has changed into SUPERMON!”

Awesome.

“RAMSLY: Oh dear, he’s fater than a Slowpoke…. higher than a druggie… greater then a bug…. It’s Lord Supermon…”

You know the entire time I had that rhyme, I never thought it suited me…

“RAMSLY: Trust me… It suits you perfectly sir.”

If you say so…. Anyway I’m off to save may! Open the doors, Monscreen!

“MON SCREEN: You must reboot your Mon Screen 2004 for these changes to occur. Would you like to reboot your Mon Screen 2004 now?”

Errrrrrrrrr… Yea.

“15 minutes later…”

…

“MON SCREEN rebooted!”

It’s about time.

“DOORS opened!”

TIME TO SAVE MAY!

Location: Outside, in the sky

“SUPERMON is headed to his DOOM!”

Ha! What do you know?

“NARRATOR knows A LOT!”

Sure… THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY, BUB!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #70, Rikks meats Crono

Location: Evergrande City

Player: SAINT RIKKS [record: 33-20-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER [dead], CHARMANDER, 1 MILLION UFOs, JYNX [dead], X-BOX [dead], LORD [dead])

-Sigh- It’s soooo boring because that Evergrande Championship was postponed… I need something for fun!

“YOU’RE RIGHT!”

Hmmmm…

“TIMEGATE opened!”

What the hell?

“CRONO, MARLE, and LUCCA were spit from the TIMEGATE!”

… Whats with the freakish hairstyle man?

“CRONO: …”

Why don’t you talk?

“CRONO: …”

Whatever… Duuuude!! Have you EVER seen glasses that thick?

“SAL: No..”

“SAL pissed himself!”

“SAL: Dammit!”

Now… who else is here? …

“MARLE is!”

…

“…”

(Wow, shes hot)

“MARLE: Wow your hott!”

“CRONO: ..!”

“MARLE: Whats your name?”

Rikks…

“MARLE: Can you show us around this era?”

“LUCCA: Oh great… here we go again! Marle! We have stuff to do!”

“MARLE: Puff down, Lucca! Can’t anyone around here have any fun?!”

“LUCCA: God, you have Crono to do that shit with!”

…

“MARLE: We need a tourguide anyway!”

“LUCCA: Fine, lets go.”

So errr… what do you want me to show you?

“MARLE: I dunno. Something”

What about this?

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

“MARLE: Now that is hot.”

“LUCCA: Indeed. According to my Sensors, that Charmander has more firepower then I!”

Amazing. Simply amazing, aint it?

“MARLE is wondering if YOU, and CHARMANDER can go someplace ALONE!”

Errrr… sure…

“THIS SCENE is CENSORED by the NARRATOR because he REFUSES to NARRORATE what happens. HOWEVER, you can pretty much GUESS what is going ON!”

… Marle?

“MARLE: Yes, Rikks?”

I love you.

“MARLE: … Go away.”

Will you marry me?

“MARLE: Ewwwww! I would never marry you!”

Are you serious?!

“MARLE: Uhhhh… yea! Why would I EVER want to marry some lazy fatso like you?!”

Hey! I thought you said I was hot!

“MARLE: Well, that was just because I wanted something ‘new’”

Whore!

“MARLE: Believe what you want. But I will never marry you. I would rather marry your Charmander.”

That’s cold.

“MARLE: No, its hot. Crono!!”

“CRONO walked in!”

“CRONO wants to KNOW why you are both NAKED!”

Uhmm… we uhhh… got our clothes eaten by uhhh… a… a …

“MARLE: Kill him, pretty please?”

“CRONO wants to fight!”

GAH! OH NO!

“Go! CHARMANDER!”

“CRONO sent out KATANA!”

Charmander!! Use Inferno Rage!

“CHARMANDER used INFERNO RAGE!”

“But the INFERNO wasn’t raging today…”

That’s really gay.

“NOT as gay as YAMIJAMES!”

So true.

“KATANA used CYCLONE!”

“CHARMANDER fainted!”

Gah! Oh no! Grrrr! Go my trusted Undead gates!

“Go, UNDEADGATES!”

Hurry use Break!

“UNDEADGATES broke the sword!”

“KATANA died!”

Hahahahahaaaa!!

“MARLE: Crono! You have to win this sweeeeeeetie! For me?!”

“CRONO sent out CRONO!”

Puh… like that even matters. Undead Gates, use Buy!

“UNDEADGATES bought out CRONO’s company!”

“CRONO: Curse you, Gates!!”

“CRONO used LIGHTNING2!”

That looks painful…

“UNDEADGATES fainted.”

Damn the cruelitys.

“The enemy’s strong, Get’m, 1 MILLION UFOs!”

Hahaha, Crono! Fear the Ufos! UFOS! USE YOUR LAZER ATTACK!”

“1 MILLION UFOS used LAZER”

“1004 of them were CRITICAL HITs!”

“They are ALL super effective!”

“CRONO died!”

Hahahaha! Die, bastard!

“MARLE: Crono?! CRONO?! Noooooooo!

Well, Marle, it would seem that you have no choice but to come with me!

“MARLE: Crono died… again?! Lucca!!!”

“LUCCA: What? GAH!”

“LUCCA died from a HEARTATTACK!”

Now you have no where to run!

“SAINT RIKKS flashes the TIME KEY!”

“MARLE: Errrr… Can I have that… please?”

Uhhhh… No.

“SAINT RIKKS breaks TIME KEY in HALF!”

“MARLE: Nooooooooooooooo!”

You mines well just join my party now.

“MARLE: You bastard! But alas, I have no choice…”

“MARLE joined your party!”

Yay!!

Location: Campfire just outside Evergrande City

“MARLE is asleep by NEARBY TREE!”

Awwwww, she’s so cute when she’s sleeping.

“SAL: Good god, you think shes cute all the time.”

That’s a bit beyond the point…

“SAL: Rikks, let me get 1000 G from our pile, I need to get a few Potions.”

1000 G… uhhhh…

“SAL: Where the hell is the money?!”

Sal… now don’t get mad… I used all that money to get Marle this.

“SAINT RIKKS flashed the ENGADGEMENT RING!”

“SAL: She’ll kill you. Dude, let me see that… YOU SPENT 999,999,999 G ON A FAKE PLASTIC RING?!”

What?! The Cashier said that was a 1000 Carrot Gold!

“SAL: Has it ever occurred to you that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 1000 CARROT! YOU RETARD..! …. Uhhhh”

“NARRATOR: What?”

“SAL: I just find it strange that I havent pissed myself yet…”

“NARRATOR was getting to that!”

“SAL pissed himself!”

…

“NARRATOR: Happy now?”

“SAL: Not really…”

“DARKMCNABB hands SAL the TOWELL”

Well, that was different. I’ll have to give it to her in the morning!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #71, Supermon’s base under attack!

Location: Underground Labatory Somewhere Secret in a Secretly Secret Location Someplace Secret

Player: RAMSLY [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: COOKLIE BEAR)

Now, where were my my DARLING Cooklie bear? Oh yes, about to jack off… Now that Supermon’s not here, that shouldn’t be a problem.

“No, but the NARRATOR is!”

What’s your point?

“The NARRATOR REFUSES to NARRORATE you MASTERBATING! NARRATOR wants to keep this PG-RATED!”

Errrrr… Please?

“NO!”

Pretty please?

“NO!”

Oh well, I’ll do it anyway. Let’s see…. Ah here’s a good one from mailer “XXX SexEr 2k4” … Wow, gay porn. Just what I needed right now.

“COMPUTER explodes!”

Hey..! I was using that! No matter, I’ll just use this.

“RAMSLY pulled out the GAY PORN MAGAZINE!”

Ahh yes, one of Cooklie bear’s and I’s favorite. Now let’s go to page…

“GAY PORN MAGAZINE IMPLODES, then EXPLODES, and then IMPLOADS and EXPLOADS again!!”

… Narrator, you’ll pay for that!

“HOW, exactly?”

I get it! You discriminate against gay people, don’t you?!

“…”

Don’t you want this version to be NON-DISCRIMINATE?!

“The NARRATOR came to the CONCLUSION that its PERFECTLY FINE to be…”

Good.

“DISCRIMINATING against GAY PEOPLE!”

… I hate you.

“MUSIC to the NARRATOR’s EARS.”

You don’t have ears.

“INTERESTING POINT…”

I mean your just a big booming voice, how harmful can you be?

“RAMSLY got hit by LIGHTNING BOLT!”

Doh! I forgot about the god like powers…

“NARRATOR is a GOD!”

Sure…

“NARRATOR was renamed GOD for this battle!”

Great…

“GOD: Mwahahahahhaaaa! I am GOD! GOD I SAY! GOD!! GOD OF DOOOOOM!”

Great, the Narrator has lost his mind.

“GOD used BACKSPACE!”

Great, God has lost his mind. … What the hell?

“GOD will RIGHT any MISTAKE you make!”

Damn narrator…

“GOD used BACKSPACE!”

Damn God… Good god…

“THANK YOU!”

Errrrr… anyway, I’m still gay and there’s nothing you can do about it.

“GOD used BACKSPACE!”

Errrrr… anyway, I’m now strait and there’s everything you can do about it. WHAT THE HELL? I didn’t say that!

“YES you DID!”

This is insulting. I don’t want to be marked as strait for the rest of my life!

“GOD used BACKSPACE!”

This is awesome. I don’t want to be marked as gay for the rest of my life! This is getting annoying.

“GOD used BACKSPACE!”

This is getting exciting. Goddamit!

“GOD used DAMMIT!”

“GOD DAMNED IT!”

Uhhhhh… anyway.

“THIEF appeared!”

GAH!

“THIEF told you to GIVE HIM all of your MONEY!”

Oh my god! Oh my god!

“YES, I am GOD!”

Supermon’s base is under attack Geehehehehgeasdgfa!

“RAMSLY ran into WALL!”

“RAMSLY fainted!”

“THIEF: …”

“SUPERMON came BACK!”

“SUPERMON: I couldn’t find those bastards… Good god!!”

Player: SUPERMON [1-2-0][Super Hero]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

Okay, narrator, explain. Why is Ramsly naked on the floor unconcious with his cooklie bear also naked sitting right next to him while a thief is stealing my stuff?

“GOD used BACKSPACE!”

Okay, god, explain. What the hell?

“DON’T ASK! ANYWAY, the THIEF is STEALING STUFF!”

Grrrr… Die thief!!

“SUPERMON used DIE THIEF!”

“Wild THIEF died!”

Mwah…hwahahhahahaahaa!

“GOD was renamed NARRATOR… God that was fun”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #72, Turkey Day

Location: Mossdeep City

Player: MARLE [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: CROSSBOW)

“ALARM CLOCK rings!”

Go awaaay… I’m too sleepy.

“SAINT RIKKS: Awww, cmon! Dear! Get up!”

…Did he just call me ‘dear’?

“MARLE woke up!”

“MARLE used ICEBEAM on Enemy SAINT RIKKS!”

Hahahaaaa! Take that you stupid son of a bitch!

“SAINT RIKKS didn’t DIE! SAINT RIKKS cannot DIE!”

Curse you, giant voice… thing!

“THAT hurts the NARRATOR GREATLY!”

Whatever… Now what is it that you wanted Rikks?

“SAINT RIKKS: Marrrrrrrrrry meeeeeeee! ^_^”

“SAINT RIKKS flashes WEDDING RING!”

No way you freak!!

“MARLE used B****SLAP”

“SAINT RIKKS: That hurts my feelings…”

“SAL woke up!”

Great, now that fat dude’s up too…

“SAL: Guesssssss what?! It’s TURKEY DAY!!!”

You’re already overweight… but it’s Thanksgiving already?! What the hell? When I last remember it was like… Summer!

“SAL: Well, the webmaster didn’t feel like updating it. So sue him.”

I think I will…

“SAL: But either way its TURKEY DAY! Yaaaaaaaay!”

“DARKMCNABB wakes up!”

“DARKMCNABB: What the..?”

“SAINT RIKKS: So… sniff sniff… you don’t want to marry me?”

…

“SAINT RIKKS: I’ll take that as a no…”

Hey, Rikks, Look! There’s a butterfly!

“SAINT RIKKS: Oooooo! A butterfly!”

“MARLE attempts to run away!”

Well, that makes it A LOT harder when someone NARRORATES IT!

“NARRATOR doesn’t CARE!”

“NARRATOR finds DELIGHT in your MISERY!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN: Raawwwwrrr!”

You havent talked in battles, and you choose to say, That?!

“DAZOMBIEMAN: …”

Grrrrr….

“SAINT RIKKS: I don’t see that butterfly…”

“SAL: Lett’s EAT!!”

What is there to eat..?

“DAZOMBIEMAN: Vlaaaazzz… I CANTZ EAT!”

“SAINT RIKKS: Where ARE YOU MY BUTTERFLY PRECIOUS?”

… Can I kill him nooowwww?!

“NARRATOR: No.”

Awwwwwwwww…. Well, what is there to eat..?

“SAL: Uhhhhhh…”

We have nothing to eat?!

“SAL: Rikks did use all of our gil on that stupid ring…”

“SAINT RIKKS: Where is the damn butterfly?!”

“DARKMCNABB: Awwwww… If we were back in Philadelphia, we could have those Boy Scouts donate to us…”

Dammit! Well we’re not in Philadelphia, moron!

“DARKMCNABB: Oh, my homeland… how do I forsake thee..?”

You weren’t even born there, Jesus Christ!

“DARKMCNABB: Good point…”

Well, ONE of you have to get a turkey…

“SAINT RIKKS: Where are you my pretty pretty Butterfly?!”

And it has to be one of you three. After all, that is not smart enough to catch a dog with NO LEGS!

“SAINT RIKKS: Or a butterfly…”

Well, I think Dark Mcnabb should seeing that Sal is so fat and DaZombieMan just smells bad…

“SAL: Heeeeey! I’m not that fat!”

“DAZOMBIEMAN: Vlaaa.a.. FATEZ CAN BE CRUELZX!”

… You make Saint Rikks look almost attractive.

“SAL: I’m really that bad?”

Yes. Don’t talk to me. Fetch the turkey oh great football player man!

“DARKMCNABB: Alright.”

(Soon my plan to be rid of the fools will be complete!)

Player: DARKMCNABB [5-3-1][Fushia Gym Leader][Cinnabar Pokeball Team]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL, EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE)

Hmmmm… where am I going to find a turkey..?

“Wild TURKEY appeared!”

That was easy… Go my trusted Pokeman!

“It’s uhhh… a POKEMON…”

Whatever.

“Go! WEEDHILL!”

“TURKEY used GOBBLE”

Noooooooooooooooooooo…!

“TURKEY: Gobble.”

The gobbles! It will one day smite us all…. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

“MEANWHILE…”

Player: SAL [4-2-1][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU[dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead], EMPEROR SLAKING)

“SAL pissed himself!”

DAMMIT!

“To be continued…”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #73, A look at the rivals

Location: Lillycove City

Player: SPECIALVIKKS [record: 8-10-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: WARTURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN[dead])

Cough cough… where am I?

“YOU are still at LILLYCOVE CITY!”

Battle 73?! It’s been THIS LONG sinse I stared in a battle?

“YUP!”

Ugh… Pizzaman, Cinnagoo, get your lazy asses up.

“PIZZAMAN wakes up!”

“CINNAGOO wakes up!”

We’re alive… Wonder where that bastard Yami James went.

“PIZZAMAN: Oh dear me! All of our items and gold are missing!”

What?! That bastard stole our stuff! It is up to us to get it back!

“PIZZAMAN: Are you sure this is wise?”

“CINNAGOO: Of course, you stupid idot! We can take on these bums again!”

Hmm, but Pizzaman has a compelling point. We should train before we attempt to confront him. I mean its not like we don’t know where he is…

“YAMIJAMES (Within Mall): Hello sweet thing. Wanna hook up?”

“PUNCH is heard from inside!”

“MAN (Within Mall): You stupid bastard! Never talk to me again!”

Errrrrr… yeah.

“PIZZAMAN: Let us go!”

Location: Fields to the west of Lillycove City

“HEART appeared!”

Oh my god… could it be..? My heart?!

“HEART: That’s right, foo! Now gimmi all your money!”

Never!

“HEART: Haaaaa! Then I am forced to attack…”

“Enemy HEART wants to fight!”

“Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight!”

“Ally CINNAGOO wants to fight!”

My heart… you will die a horrible death..!

“Enemy HEART sent out POLICEDOG!”

“Ally PIZZAMAN sent out SAUSAGEPIZZA!”

“Ally CINNAGOO sent out RALTS!”

Heh, now go my trusted War Turtle!

“Go! WARTURTLE!”

“HEART: This battle seems.. a bit uneven. Time to even the playing field! Now, Police dog, use that techique I taught you…”

Whats this..?

“POLICEDOG used DE-HEART!”

“What? POLICEDOG is losing his HEART!”

Uh-oh…

“DOGHEART was born!”

This cant be good.

“Enemy DOGHEART used BLOOD SQUIRT!”

“BLOOD was SQUIRTED in Ally RALTS’ eyes!”

“Enemy POLICEDOG used BITE!”

“Ally RALTS fainted!”

No way! That Ralts was level 100!

“CINNAGOO: Dammit! Go Toonskull!

“Ally CINNAGOO sent out TOONSKULL!”

Now, use Hyrdo pump on that Doggie heart!

“WARTURTLE used HYRDO PUMP!”

“WARTURTLE is PUMP’N the HYDROS!”

What?! That doesn’t even make sense, Narrator!

“WELL I COULDN’T THINK OF A DIFFERENT PUN!”

Well, not to brag, but how about, ‘Critical hit!’ or ‘Super effective’ or maybe even ‘Enemy DOGHERAT fainted!’

“NARRATOR doesn’t find you FUNNY!”

Errr… sorry Oh great one. Never again, I promise.

“BETTER KEEP that PROMICE!”

-Gulp-

“TOONSKULL used LAUGHATTACK!”

Great…

“It’s super effective!”

On which?

“DOGHEART!”

That still doesn’t make sense! It doesn’t have EARS!”

“What did the NARRATOR say before?!”

…Sorry.

“Enemy DOGHEART fainted!”

“Ally SAUSAGEPIZZA used GROWL!”

“It’s super effective!”

What?! Not only does the Pizza not have a mouth to use GROWL, but it also isnt an ‘Attack attack’ WTF Narrator?

“NARRATOR used BOLT!”

“You were HIT with a LIGHTNING BOLT!”

Yeeeouch! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

“Enemy POLICEDOG fainted!”

“HEART: Most interesting display of moves, minus you of course, Vikks!”

HEY!

“HEART: Well, you didn’t get a single K.O.!”

Just come fight me now you bastard!

“HEART: I’ve love to, but I think I’m going to heal my Pokemon at the Pokemon Center!”

Alright…

“HEART: I stand defeated.”

Ok, so go heal.

“HEART: I stand defeated.”

Don’t stand… go heal.

“HEART: I stand defeated.”

Godamit! Why do NPCs not go heal and stand there saying the same thing over and over?

“BECAUSE GOD HATES YOU!”

I knew it…

“NARRATOR is GOD! ^_^”

Sure you are. Anyways…

“HEART: I stand defeated.”

Hmmmm… Well mines well go see what Yami James is up too…

“PIZZMAN and CINNAGOO: Agreed!”

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #74: Supermon’s Adventure

Location: Evil Lair

Player: SUPERMON [1-2-0][Super Hero]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

Gee… I’ve been wondering around this evil lair for quite some time and all I’ve seen were damned Team Aqua and Magma grunts.

“BOTH of them?”

Yes, both. Of course you wouldn’t know as you weren’t around to narrorate any of it.

“SORRY, the WEBMASTER has gotten quite LAZY about writing these!”

So I can see. Anyway, whats coming up? Its kind of hard to tell without you.

“NARRATOR beams with PRIDE!”

“There is a GIANT ROOM in front of YOU!”

Wonderful.

“MAXIE: Archie!”

“ARCHIE: Maxie…”

Oh? What’s this?

“MAXIE and ARCHIE: !”

“MAXIE: Oh my! He’s faster than Slowpoke!”

“ARCHIE: Higher than a druggie!”

“RANDOM TEAM MEMBERS: Greater than a Bug!”

“MAXIE: It’s a…”

Oh shut up! I’m Supermon, and I’ve come to rescue May!

“MAXIE: MAY?”

“ARCHIE: Who’s she?”

You kidnapped her from Evergrande City! Don’t play dumb, troublemakers!

“MAXIE: I don’t know who you think you are buddy… But we have no girl hostage.”

“MAY appeared running towards you!”

“MAY: They kidnapped me!”

Haha, so the truth comes out!

“ARCHIE: What? We swear, we never saw her here before! We were just having a friendly Team Fight, me and Maxie…”

Sure, evildoer!

“MAY: Actually, they are right.”

Huh? But didn’t you… just say…

“MAY: No, THEY kidnapped me!”

“MAY used POINT!”

“MAY pointed to two GIANT POKEMON!”

What the hell?!

“MAXIE: Groudon…”

“ARCHIE: Kyogre…”

“MAY: They have been awoken!”

But… but…

“MAXIE: Wait, by how, exactly? I mean, I didn’t even use this orb I stole yet…”

“ARCHIE: Neither did I…”

Stole? So you really are evildoers of some kind!

“ARCHIE: Ah aha ahahah… Supermon, don’t you think we should worry about, oh say, those Pokemon of mass destruction before pointing fingers?”

No!

“Wild KYOGRE wants to fight!”

“Wild GROUDON wants to fight!”

Huh? Aren’t you two supposed to be moral enimies?

“KYOGRE: We hate heroes more. Last time some kid named BRENDON captured me when he was a hero!”

“GROUDON: Yeah!”

… They can talk?

“MAY: Apparantly… Now! Superpower Pokemon! Attack Supermon now!”

Wait, what?

“MAY: Mwahhahaaaah! This was all a trap for you, Supermon… And you two idiots, too.

“MAXIE and ARCHIE: Say what?”

“MAY: That’s right. After these Pokemon dispose of you idiots, I will join with them to take control of Hoenn… and finally become greater than SAL!”

So YOU are the evildoer!

“MAY: Quite right, Supermon, quite right. It’s about time you figured it out. Now… Attack!”

“MAY ran away!”

Coward… ugh… I’ll fight these two… myself!

“Ally ARCHIE sent out ZIGZAGOON!”

“Ally MAXIE sent out ZIGZAGOON!”

Wow, great allies, aren’t they…?

“MAXIE: Shut up!”

Whatever… Now… I will use my superpower punch!

“SUPERMON used SUPERPOWER PUNCH!”

“It’s super super!”

So?

“So what?”

Did it do anything?

“No…”

Dammit.

“Ally ZIGZAGOON used TACKLE!”

“Ally ZIGZAGOON used TACKLE!”

Great… we’re never going to win at this rate.

“Foe KYOGRE used ICE BEAM!”

“Ally ZIGZAGOON fainted!”

“Foe GROUDON used FIRE BLAST!”

“Ally ZIGZAGOON fained!”

No, no… definatly not.

“Ally MAXIE sent out CAMPRUPT!”

“Ally ARCHIE sent out CARVANA!”

At least now they are using elemental Pokemon… Let’s see… I’ll use my X-Ray attack!

“SUPERMON used X-RAY!”

“SUPERON can see KYOGRE’s BONES!”

… I see… very intersting. I will have to record that in my Pokedex…

“POKEDEX: Hello, DAND—zzpt!”

Shit, I forgot about the personalized start up screen.

“MAXIE: … You’re Dan Da Man?”

Em, no…

“MAXIE: Oh, okay. I believe you.”

Good.

“Ally CAMPRUPT used TACKLE!”

“Ally CARVANIA used TACKLE!”

Is that the ONLY MOVE you guys taught your Pokemon…?

“ARCHIE: What do you expect? Tackle is such an amazing move! At least we are doing damage!”

Why you..!

“MAXIE: Shut up and battle!”

“Foe KYOGRE used SURF!”

“Ally CAMPRUPT fained!”

“Ally CARVANA fainted!”

“YOU fainted!”

Whaa…?

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #75: A Lost Hope

Location: Evil Lair

Player: SUPERMON [1-3-0][Super Hero]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

Ugh… where am I?

“YOU are tied up above BOILING HOT LAVA.”

Jesus!

“MAXIE and ARCHIE are tied up NEXT TO YOU!”

Oh hi, guys.

“MAXIE: Yo.”

So what did I miss?

“ARCHIE: Not much, just MAY saying that she’s going to slowly dip us into the lava.”

Say what?

“MAY: So… Supermon, you have awakened!”

May! Listen to me! You don’t have to continue with this array of evil!

“MAY: Oh, yes I do… perhaps your death will send a tremor into the hearts of everyone into this world… affecting even SAL…”

Say what?

“MAY sent out GROUDON!”

“MAY: GROUDON! Cut the rope!”

This isn’t good…

“GROUDON used CUT!”

“CAPTAINHOENN came out from the shadows and ate the attack!”

“MAY: Say who?”

Yeah, what she said!

“CAPTAINHOENN: I’ve got your back, partner!”

“CAPTAINHOENN used FREE!”

“You were FREED!”

Aha, thanks partner.

“MAY: Hey… hey! I’m not done with you all!”

May! Now you will pay for your evildoing!

“CAPTAINHOENN: Only together we can beat these legends, SUPERMON!”

I agree!

“MAY sent out KYOGRE!”

“Ally CAPTAINHOENN sent out CAPTAIN HOENN!”

“Go! SUPERMON!”

Say, what happened to Archie and Maxie?

“WELL, THEY didn’t know how to FLY, so they FELL into the LAVA!”

Why wasn’t that narrarated? I could’ve saved them!

“It happened too FAST!”

Oh… okay, then. Well, they were evildoers anyway. They got what was coming to them. Now to the battle at hand…

“CAPTAINHOENN used THROWSHIELD!”

“But CAPTAINHOENN barely got it off the ground!”

Ya know, Captain, you seem to be getting a tad chubby lately, you should work out a little more…

“CAPTAINHOENN says you shouldn’t TALK!”

Well I know… well, here goes nothing!

“SUPERMON used FISTSOFFOAM!”

“Enemy KYOGRE ate the attack!”

Damn… how are we supposed to beat these powerful Pokemon?

“Enemy KYOGRE used SPLASH!”

Hah! That will do nothing!

“SPLASH caused a TIDAL WAVE!”

Aaah, not good…

“YOU were sent out of the CAVE by the BLAST!”

“SUPERMON fainted!”

Location: Woods of a Ruined World

Ugh… what’s going on?

“CAPTAINHOENN: Get up, partner.”

Ugh… I really hate fainting. I always seem to miss something.

“CAPTAINHEONN: MAY has just taken over HOENN… She is looking for me.”

Why would she be looking for you? She’s looking for that Sal guy…

“CAPTAINHOENN revealed himself to be SAL!”

Oh my!

“SAL: I must defend my homeland from my rival… It must be done, at the cost of everything.”

So uh, what happened to Rikks and the others you were with?

“SAL: He’s being held prisoner as we speak and is being used as May’s sex slave. Marle, Da Zombie Man, and McNabb are also being held prisoners.”

Well, at least he’s a sex slave to a female this time.

“YAMIJAMES: Hey! Don’t hate me because I’m gay!”

“RAMSLY: Yes, sir! It was amazing! We finally found eachother after our long hard times trying to find a partner…”

Jesus Christ, when did you guys get here?

“RAMSLY: We’ve been here, sir.”

Who else is here?

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE!”

Oh goodie. So what’s the plan?

“SAL put on his MASK!”

“SAL was renamed CAPTAINHOENN!”

“CAPTAINHOENN: We will attack MAY’s castle in EVERGRANDE at dawn. Are you ready, Supermon?”

Yes, yes I am…

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #76: Dr. Doom Joins the War

Location: Dr. Doom’s evil hide out

Player: DR.DOOM [0-0-0][Super Villian]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL, RALTS)

Mwahahahaaahahahaaaah!

“DR.DOOM is laughing!”

Indeed, my truly evil plan is working perfectly…

“DR.DOOM is EVIL!”

Yes, and soon everyone will know my wrath when I conquer Hoenn once and for all!

“Too late!”

What?

“MAY has already conquered HOENN!”

WHAT?! But my evil plans…

“It looks like to ME that you are just using your GAMEBOY ADVANCED!”

Aha, but did you notice what the cart is I’m using?

“ACTION REPLAY!”

Mwahahahaaaahahahaaah! Yes, and with it… I am generating the most powerful Pokemon ever to live…

“MEWTWO?”

What? No…

“ARCEUS?”

Uh, try again…

“CHUCK NORRIS?”

Close… but no, it’s my fully EV-Trained, IV-Maxed Suicune!

“SUICUNE…?”

Ssh, you don’t know how completely amazing it is with full Ivs and good Evs!

“Evs and Ivs don’t exist!”

Aha, that’s because they are invisible values… a narrator such as yourself would have no knowledge of them!

“…”

Let’s see here… 07E00092… 12CADA8C…

“ARE you done YET?”

Quiet, mortal! I am now done!!

“DR.DOOM turned on the GAME!”

“DR.DOOM used the PC!”

“SUICUNE was found in BOX 1, SLOT 1!”

It’s wonderful… Now to withdraw it… Amazing, more than 300 of each defense… It will win me many battles.

“The NARRATOR thinks you’re WEIRD!”

Ha, soon you will pay for your naïve nature, narrator. Not only is it a horrible nature to have, but it’s not very becoming.

“CHEATER!”

Say what you will, I shall go now to defeat May.

“MAY will not be easy to defeat, she has GROUDON and KYOGRE!”

WHAT?? SHE USES THE UUBERS?

“WHAT’s an UBER?!”

Seesh, shows how much Nintendo knows about their own product. I will see you later.

“DR.DOOM left!”

Location: EVERGRANDE Castle

Hm… As it would seem, the battle has not yet began.

“MAY wants to know who the HELL you ARE!”

Why… I am the super, magnificant, amazing, adamant, completely dominant! The One! The Only! The Amazing Doctor Doom!

“MAY says she is NOT interested in buying CRACK.”

Emperor May! I am the one that is supposed to conquer Hoenn!

“MAY laughs at you!”

Well, I shall defeat you!

“MAY looks at you FUNNY!”

“MAY accepts your challenge!”

“MAY wants to fight!”

Good… and now you perish! Go, Suicune!

“Get’m, SUICUNE!”

“MAY sent out GROUDON!”

“MAY: Now Groudon’s Sunny Day will lower your Suicune’s Water attacks!”

That’s fine… Suicune! Use Calm Mind!

“SUICUNE used CALM MIND!”

“SUICUNE’s calmed its MIND.”

And…?

“AND what?”

What about the special attack and defense increase?

“WHAT about THEM?”

…

“MAY: It doesn’t work like that in FLARE VERSION, Doomy! Or should I say… Cinagoo! You of all people should know It just doesn’t work like that!”

What!! How did you figure out my secret identity?!

“MAY used LABTOP!”

“MAY looked at the FLARE VERSION WEBSITE!”

“MAY asked why ELSE your BATTLE RECORD will be listed under DR.DOOM!”

Curses! Now that you know who I am, you must die!

“MAY says not if SHE can help IT!”

“GROUDON used SOLAR BEAM!”

“GROUDON is using SOLAR RAYS as an ALTERNATE ENERGY SOURCE!”

…Well that was useless! Now, Suicune, this is your chance! Surf!

“SUICUNE used SURF!”

“SUICUNE surfed away!”

What? No! How dare you defy me!

“The NARRATOR points out that it did EXACTLY what you told it to DO!”

That’s not the point! Ugh, go me.

“The enemy is a god, Get’m, DR.DOOM!”

Take this!

“DR.DOOM used DOOM PUNCH!”

“Enemy GROUDON was punched!”

“It’s super doomful!”

Yes, I know. Fear my wrath!

“GROUDON’s doom is building!”

“GROUDON is DOOMED!”

“DOOM 3, now available for the PC!”

Well that wasn’t original, was it?

“GROUDON used DOOM!”

“GROUDON went to play DOOM 3!”

“DOOM 3, now available for the PC!”

…Great, the same ad in the same battle only a few lines apart. I’m impressed.

“MAY sent out KYOGRE!”

“KYOGRE used SUPER GODLY WATER MOVE!”

Eh?

“DR.DOOM was hit with the MOVE!”

This appears to be painful.

“DR.DOOM was hardly scratched.”

Fear my powers!

“INSTEAD, the REST OF HOENN was completely DESTROYED!”

Er…

“DR.DOOM needs air, badly!”

Christ! Even the air?!

“YES!”

-cough- I can’t… die here…

“MAY died!”

“KYOGRE died!”

Ugh… Must use… my Telaportation devise… eeeeegad…

“DR.DOOM used TELAPORT!”

“DR.DOOM telaported to SHINOU!”

Location: Shinou

What the hell is this place?!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #77: Passion of the Rikks

Location: Twinleaf Town, Shinou

Player: SAINT RIKKS [record: 35-20-4]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER [dead], CHARMANDER, 1 MILLION UFOs, JYNX [dead], X-BOX [dead], LORD [dead])’

What in the name of Kanto is Shinou and what the hell happened to Hoenn? … Come to think of it, what the hell happened to everyone else? …And the battle we were involved with with May?

“MAY is DEAD!”

You killed off the main villian?

“DR.DOOM appeared!”

And replaced him with a copywrited one. I think you’re gonna get sued.

“DR.DOOM used LAUGH!”

“DR.DOOM laughs at you!”

-Sigh-, what do you want, Cinnagoo?

“DR.DOOM wants to KNOW how you KNEW it was HIM!”

Well, the cinnamin goo that is oozing out of your armor was a slight hint. And the smell of cinnamon goodness in the air.

“DR.DOOM curses loudly!”

“DR.DOOM doesn’t WANT to be CINNAMON any longer!”

Well, I could help you with that, I do have my Evolve attack handy.

“DR.DOOM begs you to HELP HIM!”

I wonder if this could be a trick somehow. Nah, I’ll do it.

“SAINT RIKKS used EVOLVE!”

“What? DR.DOOM is evolving?”

“DR.DOOM evolved into DR.DOOMBOT!”

“What? CINNAGOO is evolving?”

“CINNAGOO evolved into CINNABON!”

Hm, well that was interesting. Two evolotions happened at once… and now you are a giant machine of some sort!

“DR.DOOMBOT says to PAY that no MIND!”

“DR.DOOMBOT wishes that you EVOLVE him back into CHRIS!”

Okay, sure thing, pal.

“SAINT RIKKS used EVOLVE!”

“What? DR.DOOMBOT is evolving?”

“DR.DOOMBOT evolved into GIANT DR.DOOMBOT!”

“What? CINNABON is evolving?”

“CINNABON evolved into CHRIS!”

Uh… now you’re really big.

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY appeared!”

… AAAAAH! RUN!

“Can’t escape!”

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY: WOW! THAT IS A BIG MACHINE! IF I EATS IT, I WILL BECOME EVEN MORE POWERFUL!”

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY used DEVOUR!”

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT shook off the MONKEY!”

… It wasn’t devoured?

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT used LASER BEAM!”

“GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY died in a HORRIBLE, PAINFUL, BURNING WAY!”

… Holy shit! What have I done?!

“YOU gave the NARRATOR an EXCUSE to KILL OFF a character that WASN’T used due to the WEBMASTER being BORED of him!”

Err… outside of the Plot Device.

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT turns to you!”

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT says THANK YOU!”

You tricked me!

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT says it wasn’t HARD!”

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT wants to fight!”

Well, sinse I’m the hero, I have nothing to fear, Go, Charmander!

“Go, CHARMANDER!”

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT sent out GIANT DR.DOOMBOT!”

Charmander, now use..!

“CHARMANDER fainted, Use next Pokemon?”

… But, it didn’t even use an attack!

“IT doesn’t need to!”

“IT can do whatever it WANTS!”

… But, he’s the bad guy!

“IT exclaims that it is NOT a bad GUY!”

“IT joined GIANT DR.DOOMBOT!”

… IT was a person?!

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT withdrew GIANT DR.DOOMBOT!”

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT sent out IT!”

What exactly is an It?

“IT is right in front of you!”

It is?

“IT is WHAT?”

… Okay, this has to be the lamest pun ever. I hate you, narrator.

“NARRATOR loves being HATED!”

I know. Well, I guess I need to send out you, Gates!

“The enemy is an it, Get’m UNDEADGATES!”

Now! Use your Shadow Ball attack!

“UNDEADGATES used SHADOW BALL!”

“UNDEADGATES rolled into a BALL, making his SHADOW a BALL!”

I still hate you, narrator!

“Enemy IT used A MOVE!”

So what did that do, exactly?

“Enemy IT busted a MOVE!”

Well, at least both of our moves did nothing.

“Enemy IT’s move made UNDEADGATES faint!”

“UNDEADGATES fainted!”

That’s rather annoying.

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT withdrew IT!”

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT sent out GIANT DR.DOOMBOT!”

Well, I would fight you myself, but why when I have an entire ARMY?!

“Go! 1 MILLION UFOs!”

Mwahahahaaaah!

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT didn’t know that YOU had an ARMY!”

Well I do, so what are you going to do about it?

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT wants your ARMY!”

Huh?

“Enemy GIANT DR.DOOMBOT used 1 MILLION MASTER BALLS!”

WHAT?! I block the ball!

“YOU blocked ONE BALL!”

“999,999 UFOs was caught!”

Nooooooo!

“What? 1 MILLION UFOs is devolving?”

“1 MILLION UFOs devolved into UFO!”

Uh-oh.

“Enemy 999,999 UFOs used 999,999 LASER BEAMS!”

“UFO fained.”

Only fainted? Phew…

“NARRATOR sees your POINT!”

What? I have no point!

“UFO died.”

Dammit! Ugh, I will fight you, myself!

“Go, SAINT RIKKS!”

I will not be defeated by a villian!

“Enemy GIANT DR.DOOMBOT used LAUGH!”

“Enemy GIANT DR.DOOMBOT is laughing at you!”

Grr! I’ll use my Evolve attack… on myself!

“SAINT RIKKS used EVOLVE!”

“SAINT RIKKS evolved into POPE RIKKS!”

… Goodie, now I’m the Pope.

“GIANT DR.DOOM used UNHOLY SMASH!”

“It doesn’t affect POPE RIKKS!”

Ha! My holy powers work!”

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT curses!”

I shall evolve myself again!

“POPE RIKKS used EVOLVE!”

“POPE RIKKS evolved into MESSIAH RIKKS!”

Hah!

“GIANT DR.DOOMBOT used CRUCIFY!”

Uh-oh.

“MESSIAH RIKKS was nailed to a CROSS!”

Aaaah! Finish this! Finish this! It is finished!!

“MESSIAH RIKKS died!”

“BATTLE used END!”

“Marlo the Demon: DIED? RIKKS DIED?! But… he’s the main character does that mean…

TheKillerNacho: It does indeed mean that Vikks is no longer invinceable, and perhaps Flare version has taken a turn for the worst.

Marlo the Demon: Sweet…!”

Battle #78, The Cult’s Begin

Location: Somewhere in Shinou

Player: SPECIALVIKKS [record: 9-10-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: WARTURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN[dead])

SPECIALVIKKS died!

HUH? BUT WHY?! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!

“YOU don’t have a HEART!”

So? I’m the main rival… this can only happen if… if…

“THAT’s right!”

Rikks is dead?

“YES, so JUST DIE! YOU are RUINING the EFFECT!”

No… no… I will never die! I will rebel! Grahahahaaah!

“SPECIALVIKKS used GRAHAHAHAAAH!”

“SPECIALVIKKS was revived in SPIRIT-FORM!”

Huh?

“What? SPECIALVIKKS is evolving?”

I am?

“SPECIALVIKKS evolved into SATANVIKKS!”

…This is pretty cool.

“But, YOU are still DEAD!”

Darn.

“STOP TALKING!”

Kay. At least I get to play the devil.

Location: Rowan’s Lab

Player: Player: ROWAN THE CULT LEADER [record: 0-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: None)

And so, Pokemon Evolution is what I study. In fact, I am the lead of Pokemon Evolution!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE wants to know WHY they should trust a CULT LEADER about POKEMON EVOLUTION!”

Well, I haven’t really found a cult to lead yet. That would be a reason, I suppose. I am still a Pokemon Professor, technically.

“NEWSBOY screams EXTRA, EXTRA!”

“NEWSBOY adds that you should READ ALL ABOUT IT!”

Hey, over here, Newsboy.

“NEWSBOY says that’ll be 100 YEN!”

100?! For a newspaper?!

“ROWAN used FLAMETHROWER!”

“ROWAN pulled out a FLAMETHROWER and BURNT NEWSBOY ALIVE!”

Sweet. Now, let’s see here. WHAT?

“MESSIAH DIED FOR OUR SINS: And so, our Messiah Rikks got nailed to the cross by those nasty UFOs and DR.DOOM. It is suspected that the UFOs are actually Jews in disguise, but no eyewitnessess can proove this. However, we are printing it anyway as anti-semetic proproganda. Anyway, Rikks was a 10 year old boy from Kanto--…”

This is wonderful! I finally have something to base a religion on!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE wants to RUN AWAY!”

Wait, come back! Join the Rikksoleon Cult! We have cookies!

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE want cookies!”

Then you will join.

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE agree!”

Now you just need to ditch Cult Moto…

“YAMIJAMES appeared!”

“YAMIJAMES warns you not to steel his CULT MEMBERS!”

But they have volunteered to seek the truth about our savior Rikks!

“YAMIJAMES wants to KNOW if that was his old SEX SLAVE!”

Err… I think it was, actually.

“YAMIJAMES refuses to WORSHIP a SEX SLAVE!”

Well, then, you have no choice but to feel the wrath of the Rikksoleon Cult!

“YAMIJAMES wants to fight!”

“YAMIJAMES sent out WEEZING!”

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS!”

I’ll send out one of my Cult Members!

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE wants to know if you mean ONE OF THEM!”

Yes.

“ROWAN sent out CULT MEMBER!”

“Enemy WEEZING used POISON GAS!”

“DOZENS IF ZIGZAGOONS was poisoned and fained from their POISONING!”

Goodie.

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF PEOPLE!”

Cult Member! Use your uh… uh… Faith attack!

“CULT MEMBER used FAITH!”

“Not enough PP for FAITH!”

… Er… your Holy attack?

“CULT MEMBER used HOLY!”

“CULT MEMBER blasted a HOLE in HIMSELF!”

“CULT MEMBER is now HOLEY!”

Oh my, did he lose HP from that?

“CULT MEMBER is in critical condition!”

I see. Return, Cult Member!

“Enough, CULT MEMBER!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE gasps!”

Er… that was rather arkward… Everyone gasping at the same time, and all.

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE is frightened that you put one of THEM in a POKEBALL!”

Yes, and if you don’t show competitence, you will all find your way into Pokeballs.

“YAMIJAMES says that is QUITE EVIL of YOU!”

I try. Now, go me!

“Get’m, ROWAN!”

I’ll use my newly found Rikksoleon Powers!

“BIRCH used RIKKSOLEON POWERS!”

“Enemy WEEZING was hit with ALL the POWERS of RIKKS!”

Hah! Eat it, fool!

“Er… WEEZING didn’t take much DAMAGE from that!”

Uh… why not? You said all the powers of Rikks went into that Weezing.

“YOU’LL get it SOMEDAY!”

Oh, okay.

“Ally DOZENS OF PEOPLE used STABBITY DEATH!”

“Enemy WEEZING got stabbed DOZENS OF TIMES!”

“Enemy WEEZING fained!”

“YAMIJAMES: I will retreat for now… But I shall be back!”

“YAMIJAMES ran away!”

Yay!

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #79, Revenge of the Newsboy

Location: Rowan’s Lab

Player: Player: NEWSBOY [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: PIDGEY, CATERPIE)

Uhhn… Why am I still… alive?!

“NARRATOR forgot to NARRARATE it!”

I’m just a burnt crisp of a person… Unn… that Professor Rowan… He did this to me… What was a professor doing with a flamethrower…?

“NARRATOR doesn’t KNOW!”

“NARRATOR suggests that you FIGHT HIM!”

I’m in much too much pain to fight… I should be dead, can you just narrarate it now that you’re here?

“NEWS EDITOR appeared!”

My… boss… Please, kill me…

“NEWS EDITOR screams!”

“NEWS EDITOR tells his LACKYS to pick you UP!”

There is no hope for me.. please, kill me… unnn!

“NEWSBOY fainted!”

“Several hours later…”

“NEWSBOY woke up!”

Where am I..? And why is everything red?

“NEWS EDITOR: Rise, Lord Newsboy.”

Where is Rowan…? Is he safe?

“NEWS EDITOR: It would seem…, well, it would seem in your carefree nature, he is just fine.”

Noooooooooooooooooo! Wait… how did my voice get all dark and mysterious?

“NEWS EDITOR: I have saved you from death by making you a cyborg.”

“NEWSBOY was renamed DARTH NEWSBOY!”

…Why can’t I get a cool name?

“DARTH HEADLINE?”

No, that sounds retarded.

“DARTH NEWS?”

Too simple.

“DARTH NEWSPAPER?”

Too obvious.

“DARTH SCOOP?”

Yeah, that’s perfect!

“DARTH NEWSBOY was renamed DARTH SCOOP!”

“NEWS EDITOR: Now, my young apprentice, go and defeat the one who did this to you!”

Yes, my master.

“NEWS EDITOR was renamed EMPEROR EDITOR, or EMPEROR ED for short!”

Location: Jubilife City

Hmm… now where did that Cult Leader go?

“ROWAN appeared!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE appeared!”

Ah, it would seem I have found you! Fear me, as I am your mortal enemy, Darth Scoop!

“ROWAN wants to KNOW if you want to join the RIKKSOLEON CULT!”

No, no I don’t.

“ROWAN thinks your MASK is CREEPY!”

Yes, I know. That’s why I where it.

“ROWAN wants to know WHO THE HELL you ARE!”

I am your worst nightmare, Rowan. You thought that you had the best of me, but it is I that will get the final laugh!

“ROWAN wants to fight!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE wants to fight!”

Wants? You mean want.

“NO, wants!”

Err… whatever.

“ROWAN sent out CULT MEMBER!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS!”

Er… is that a man you fit in that Pokeball? That’s plain sick, and you know it.

“ROWAN knows!”

“ROWAN used CARE!”

“Not enough PP for CARE!”

Gr… take care of this, Pidgey!

“Go, PIDGEY!”

“ROWAN wants to know WHY a DARK LORD such as yourself has a PIDGEY!”

Well, I had it before I was an evil, dark lord!

“ROWAN says THAT MAKES SENSE!”

I know. Now, Pidgey! Use Senseless Decapitation!

“PIDGEY used SENSELESS DECAPITATION!”

Now you will all perish!

“PIDGEY senslessly DECAPITATED a nearby PEDESTRIAN!”

Oh, goodie.

“Enemy PEDESTRIAN died!”

Sinse when was the pedestrian my enemy?

“NARRATOR doesn’t KNOW!”

“Ally PEDESTRIAN died!”

…whatever.

“Enemy DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS used DOZENS OF TACKLES!”

Pidgey! Dodge it by flying in the air!

“THAT’s not how POKEMON BATTLES work!”

Huh? But why? Pidgey is a bird, it should easily dodge those Tackles!

“TOO BAD!”

“PIDGEY fained!”

Fine, I’ll use my Caterpie, then!

“Go, CATERPIE!”

“Enemy CULT MEMBER used SUICIDE!”

“Enemy CULT MEMBER fained!”

Only fainted?

“ROWAN: Oh well, go me!”

“ROWAN sent out ROWAN!”

So, you fight me yourself, then? Caterpie, take care of the Dozens of Zigzagoons and People and I’ll fight Rowan!

“CATERPIE looks at you FUNNY!”

C’mon, Caterpie, it’s called teamwork!

“CATERPIE wants to know how that’s even REMOTELY fair!”

Well, those Zigzagoons are only level 3 each. And those people average around level 4… You are a level 40 Caterpie, you should easily be able to defeat them!

“CATERPIE: I hate Pokemon logic!”

Err… did my Caterpie just speak to me?

“CATERPIE: I’m done with you!”

“CATERPIE ran away!”

Noooooooooo! [in my dark, creepy voice]

“ROWAN wants to KNOW why you just said IN MY DARK CREEPY VOICE!”

Er… I didn’t’ really mean to say that.

“ROWAN says OKAY!”

“Go, DARTH SCOOP!”

Now, I shall use my Lightsaber Swing against those mere Zigzagoon…

“DARTH SCOOP used LIGHT SABER SWING!”

“Enemy DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS was SLICED to BITS!”

“Enemy DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS fained!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF PEOPLE!”

Haha! Who has the last laugh now?

“Enemy ROWAN used EVOLVE!”

WHAT?

“Enemy ROWAN said that he has been researching EVOLUTION for a LONG TIME, and he has now INHERITED the ability of EVOLUTION when he started researching RIKKS!”

“What? DARTH SCOOP is evolving?”

You… used it on me?

“DARTH SCOOP evolved into NEWSBOY!”

Uh-oh. Ack! My voice is no longer dark and sexy. Err… Yes, it was I who decieded to come bak to life and attack you. Well, technically, I never was dead.

“EMPEROR ED appeared!”

Oh, thank god! My master, please return me to my former state!

“EMPEROR ED says that the CULT is seeking to REBEL against his RULE!”

Huh? What about a rule?

“EMPEROR ED says that YOU have OUTLIVED your USEFULLNESS!”

WHAT? But… we’re not evil, we already have a villian in Flare Version, that Dr. Doom guy… You know, we really don’t need two.

“EMPEROR ED says he has FOUND someone MORE WORTHY to be his APPRENTICE!”

OH? IS THAT SO?

“DARKMCNABB appeared!”

Huh? He’s just an evil-looking football player!

“DARKMCNABB used FORCE CHOKE!”

Ack… please, have mercy! Please, Rowan, help me… I’m sorry for trying to kill you… But if I die, you will be next on the Emperor’s list.

“NEWSBOY died!”

Darn it.

Player: DOZENS OF PEOPLE [4-2-0][Member of Rikksoleon Moto]

(Pokemon Lineup: DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON)

We get to star in a battle?

“NARRATOR begs that you STOP talking in UNISON LIKE THAT!”

Sorry.

“NARRATOR: Aaaaaaahh!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE fainted!”

Darn.

“NARRATOR: Aaaaaah!”

Player: DARKMCNABB [5-3-1][Fushia Gym Leader][Cinnabar Pokeball Team]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL, EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE)

Now you are outnumbered, Rowan!

“ROWAN says he has ONE MORE trick up his SLEEVE!”

Oh?

“ROWAN used RUN!”

“ROWAN ran away!”

Heh, we didn’t need to kill him anyway… yet.

“EMPEROR ED looks at you, confused!”

“EMPEROR ED hurts itself in its confusion!”

Er….

“DARKMCNABB used DOZENS OF POKEBALLS!”

“DOZENS OF PEOPLE were caught!”

Wow, the narrator actually let me do something not allowed for once.

“THE NARRATOR likes EVIL!”

I see.

“BATTLE used END!”

Battle #80, Second Ressurection

Location: Black Version

Player: MESSIAH RIKKS [record: 35-21-4] [dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER [dead], CHARMANDER, UFO [dead], JYNX [dead], X-BOX [dead], LORD [dead])

OH?! IS THERE A NEED FOR THIS ENDLESS TORMENT… WHY AM I DAMNED LIKE THIS! The fates seem to hate me, I was once the main character, and now I am back here.. in the evils of Black Version. Oh, woe is me, the main character of last, I must be so…

“NARRATOR says SHUT UP!”

Youch, I was just confessing all my pain and suffering… wait, why are you here, narrator?

“MESSIAH RIKKS looks at the BATTLE #!”

Battle 80! But that means?

“PORTAL TO FLARE VERSION appeared!”

I must run to it!!

“MIKE: I don’t think so, Rikks!”

“INVISABLE BARRIER stops you from going to PORTAL!”

Aaah, Mike, what gives?!

“MIKE: It’s time to decide who deserves to go back to the land of the living, the one, the only, GAMESHOW OF THE DEAD!”

…

“MIKE: So let’s take a look at our wonderful contestants. First we have that loser guy, Rikks. Once the main character of Flare Version, he now is nothing but a shadow of his former self! For some reason the Almighty Webmaster decided to kill him, so here he is! The second contestant is Vikks, the satan of the new religion based off of Rikks. It’ll be interesting to see how the Messiah will battle off Satan! The other characters include some of the most popular dead Flare Version characters, such as Newsboy…”

Who?

“and of course, the Red Doompluff!”

AAAH! NOT HIM!

“So let’s get STARTED! The board starts with everyone at 0…”

“RED DOOMPLUFF: DOOOOOM!”

“MIKE: …except of course for the Doompluff which starts off with 1000!”

WHAT? That’s hardly fair!

“MIKE: So the first question is… When Newsboy joined the Dark Side, what was his name?”

WHAT? How would I know? That was after I died… only 3 battles ago!

“MIKE: Well that’s TOO BAD!”

How would anyone else but Newsboy POSSIBLY know the answer to that question?

“MIKE: Dunno! And your answer?

-Sigh- Darth Shoes?

Oooh, no, you’re not right! Let’s take a look at the other contestant’s answers!

“SATANVIKKS said DARTH VIKKS!”

“NEWSBOY said DARTH SCOOP!”

“REDDOOMPLUFF said DOOOOOM!”

“MIKE: And the correct answer is… DARTH SCOOP! +2000 Points for the Newsboy!”

2000?!

“MIKE: This next one is worth a … SINGLE POINT! Wow, that’s a whole lot!”

I hate you.

“MIKE: The question is… What is Rikk’s favorite food?

Well, at least I’m the only one that should know that---

“REDDOOMPLUFF said DOOOOOOM…SICKLE”

No way. I refuse to believe that just happened.

“MIKE: That’s 100% correct, Doompluff! He loves Doomsickles!”

“Doomsickles, yummy popsickles with a feeling of doom in every bite!”

… But those really aren’t a real food! Damn ads!

“MIKE: AND IN THE SPIRIT OF GIVING, I’ll make that worth 3000 points instead of 1!”

Of course.

“MIKE: Next Question… What was Vikks’ starting Pokemon?”

SQUIRTLE!

“MIKE: Well, you blerted out the answer before anyone else had a chance, so I’m only going to give you 1 point for that, despite the question being worth 2000.”

…This game is rigged against me.

“MIKE: Perhaps if you didn’t kill me OVER AND OVER again, you wouldn’t have this prolblem, Rikks!”

Vengence is bitter.

“MIKE: And the last question, worth a nice 3998…”

Which he purposefully picked so I had no chance to win.

“Is, what was the first popular First-Person shooter by ID Software?”

Uh… what?

“REDDOOMPLUFF said DOOM!”

Uh oh.

“MIKE: Right you are, Doompluff, enjoy your portal back to the living.”

Well, I’d really hate to be in Flare Version now, anyway.

“BATTLE used END!”

Example:

NAME [record W-L-T]

(Pokemon Lineup)

Registered Trainers:

MESSIAH RIKKS [record: 35-22-4] [dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, RUBYVER [dead], CHARMANDER, UFO [dead], JYNX [dead], X-BOX [dead], LORD [dead])

X-BOX [record: 1-1-0][captured by OUTLAWRIKKS][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

SATANVIKKS [record: 9-12-1] [dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: WARTURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN[dead])

YAMIYUGI [record: 10-7-1][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, KURIBO)

CHRIS [record: 8-5-2]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL, RALTS, SUICUNE, IT, 999,999 UFOs)

HIKER [record: 0-2-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: SANDSCREW [dead])

BROCKSDAD [record: 1-2-0][Pewter Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: GEOCITIES)

RIKKSMOM [2-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: POWDERPUFF)

EXODIA [record: 0-0-1][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

LEAH [record: 4-5-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: SIXTAILS)

JARJARBINKS [record: 6-2-1][CHAMP#1]

(Pokemon Lineup: GHOST, LUGIA[dead])

MISTYSSISTERS [no record yet][Cerulean Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: SEAKING [dead])

YAMIJAMES [record: 3-6-0][Leader of Cult Moto]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEZING)

JESSIE [record: 2-13-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: KOBRA)

OAK [record: 2-3-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: PIKACHU)

DAZOMBIEMAN [record: 2-6-1][red version escapee]

(Pokemon Lineup: JEEVES)

MEOWTH [record: 1-3-0][Captured by DOJO]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

PEGASUS [record: 0-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: TOONMERMAID)

ROBOTOR [record: 0-1-0][Vermillion Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: ROBOT [dead], MAGNIMITE)

DANDAMAN [record: 1-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

OLDWOMAN [record: 1-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: TENTAILS)

GRASSLY [record: 0-1-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: BELLSPROUT )

MOLDS [record: 0-1-0][dead][Celadon Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: GLOOM , VICTORYBELL , VILEPLOOM )

GYMLEADER [record: 0-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: Grass [dead])

MR.PSYCHIC [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: MRMIME)

SABRINA [1-2-0][Saffron Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: FEMALEMR.MIME, KADABRA, ABRA [dead])

DUGGY [0-2-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: MAGIKARP)

STAALIN [0-0-1] [Tibia Player]

(Pokemon Lineup: MINOMAGE)

GIANTDEATHSTAR2SPACESHIPCANNIBALMONKEY [1-2-2] [MONKEY-Cannibal][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

KILLERNACHO [no record yet] [WEBMASTER rpGamer’s Tibia Character]

(Pokemon Lineup: SKELETON, DEMONSOFTIBIA)

PIZZAMAN [3-1-1]

(Pokemon Lineup: CHEESEPIZZA [dead], PEPORONIPIZZA [dead], SAUSAGEPIZZA, MUSHROOMPIZZA[dead])

REDDOOMPLUFF [record: 9-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

VIKKZALOT [0-1-0] [dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

CINNAGO [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: GOOEY [dead])

PIZAMAN [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: MANNY [dead])

HEART [4-2-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: POLICEDOG, DOGHEART)

DARKMCNABB [6-3-1][Fushia Gym Leader][Cinnabar Pokeball Team]

(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL, EAGOFFENCE, EAGDEFENCE, DOZENS OF PEOPLE)

49ERS [2-0-0][Lavender Town Pokeball Team][Pokeball Champions]

(Pokemon Lineup: 49OFFENCE, 49DEFENCE)

BILL PARCELS [0-1-0][Fuchsia Pokeball team]

(Pokemon Lineup: COWOFFENCE, COWDEFENCE)

DOLPHINS [0-1-0][Viridian Pokeball team]

(Pokemon Lineup: DOLOFFENCE, DOLDEFENCE)

SAL [4-2-1][Hoenn Region Champion]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU[dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead], EMPEROR SLAKING)

FLARE [0-1-0][Cinnabar Island Gym Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: DEMON [dead])

POOPAVONI [0-1-0][Viridian Gym Leader][Team Rocket Leader]

(Pokemon Lineup: PERSIAN, DEATH [dead])

MIKE [1-9-0][Gameshow Host][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

SMARTERCHILD [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

RANDOM FAN [0-1-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

LANCE [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: DRAGONITE, GHOSTDRAGON, LANCE [dead])

KAIN [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: CECIL)

JANUS-ZEAL [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: OZZIE, SLASH, FLEA)

McSAJAR [1-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: SYTHER, SCIZOR, PINSIR)

DOJO [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: MONK, MEWOTH)

KID [0-1-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: RATTATA)

OFFICAL [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

MARIO [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

LUIGI [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

GIACOMO [1-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

DRESTE [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

PR.BIRCH [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: TREEKO)

MAY [3-1-0] [dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: MUDKIP, SWALLOW, RHYHORN, KYOGRE [dead], GROUDON)

DOZENS OF PEOPLE [4-3-0][Captured by DARKMCNABB]

(Pokemon Lineup: DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON)

SITH [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: LIGHTSABER)

SPANKY [1-3-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: URANUS)

SUPERMON [1-4-0][Super Hero]

(Pokemon Lineup: HO-OH)

ZEROPH-ZEAL [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: NECROFEAR)

ZEALIOUS-ZEAL [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

MARLO-ZEAL [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: MORNINGDEW, EVENINGDEW)

SCHAULA-ZEAL [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: none)

SONAR-ZEAL [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: MEGACYBER)

LUNAR-ZEAL [1-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: DESTINY, FATE)

IZKATA-ZEAL [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: ZEAL, DAYLON)

STEVEN [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: STEELIX, SHINEY)

ANG’US [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: PORKCHOPS, PORKYPIG)

RAMSLY [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: COOKLIE BEAR)

CRONO [0-1-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: KATANA [dead])

LUCCA [0-1-0][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: GUN)

MARLE [no record yet]

(Pokemon Lineup: CROSSBOW)

MAXIE [0-1-0][Team Magma Leader][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup:ZIGZAGOON, CARVANA)

ARCHIE [0-1-0][Team Aqua Leader][dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: ZIGZAGOON, CAMPRUT)

CAPTAINHOENN [0-1-0][Super Hero]

(Pokemon Lineup: RAICHU[dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead], EMPEROR SLAKING)

Player: GIANT DR.DOOMBOT [2-0-0][Super Villian]

(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEYESWHITEDRAGON [dead], DARKMAGICIAN [dead], TOONSKULL, RALTS, SUICUNE, IT, 999,999 UFOs)

Player: ROWAN THE CULT LEADER [1-1-0][Leader of Rikksoleon Cult]

(Pokemon Lineup: CULT MEMBER)

Player: NEWSBOY [0-3-0] [dead]

(Pokemon Lineup: PIDGEY, CATERPIE)

Player: EMPEROR ED [1-0-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: None)

Player: CATERPIE [0-1-0]

(Pokemon Lineup: None)

WEBMASTER rpGamer [record: Too many 0’s in the WIN section to display here][God]

(Pokemon Lineup: CLOUDSTRIFE, CRONO, SERGE, SQUALL, SEPHIROTH, EMERALDWEAPON)

This is the first turturement battle, so let me explain how this works. First the next. in a turturement battle, there are 2 people at a time. The narritive text stays the same, but thats where the simularities end.

"Narrortive Text"

;First competitor;

:2nd competitor:

Ok, now that I explained how it's going to work, let us go into our first turturement battle.

T.o. BATTLE #1

;OUTLAWRIKKS; Vs :VIKKS:

;Are you ready to die?;

:You wish, Rikks! Hahahaha! I'll cream you! Gooooo, POLICEDOGY!:

"VIKKS sent out POLICEDOG!"

;Go, undeadgates!;

"OUTLAWRIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!"

:Let's make this short! Use capture!:

"POLICEDOG used CAPTURE!"

"All OUTLAWS were CAPTURED!"

;That is so cheap;

;Ok, get me outta this, Undeadgates!;

"UNDEADGATES used GETOUTTA!"

;Noo! Please not another pun!;

"UNDEADGATES got OUTTA his UNDEAD form!"

"UNDEADGATES temporarily was TURNED into BILLGATES!"

:Hahaha! You will never win, GATES!:

"NARRATOR says DONT underestimate BILLGATES!"

:Why? Just because he is probally the richest man on Earth? so what?:

"BILLGATES pays a BOUNTYHUNTER to DEFEAT POLICEDOG and VIKKS!"

"POLICEDOG fainted!"

:Wait! Please dont---!:

"VIKKS fainted!"

"RIKKS wins!"

"BILLGATES morphs back into UNDEADGATES."

;I won? I survived the first battle? Really?! YES!;

"BATTLE used END!"

T.o. BATTLE 2

;CINNAGOO; VS :YUGI:

;Hahahaha, Yugi! I beat you once before, so I will beat you again!;

:Don't dream on it! The heart of the cards will pull me through!:

;Shut up about that mumbo jumbo crap, and let the battle begin!;

"BATTLE used BEGIN!"

"BATTLE officially BEGINS!"

;Ok, for my opening move, goooo Toon Summoned Skull;

;You should reconize it, considering it used to be yours!;

"CINNAGOO sent out TOONSKULL!"

:Goooo, my faithful Gaia the Feirce Knight!:

"YUGI sent out GAIAKNIGHT!"

"THE'RE STARING EACHOTHER DOWN!"

;Pokemon Stadium narroration... Bah, Use LADEDADADE!;

"TOONSKULL is loafing around!"

;WHAT?;

:YES!:

"TOONSKULL, instead used TERMONATE!"

;Wait, NOOOO! I know what that does!;

"GAIAKNIGHT's mission was termonated!"

"GAIAKNIGHT fainted!"

:No! My knight!:

;oh, good...;

"TOONSKULL fainted in its confusion!"

;WHAT?;

:Ok, looks like a even battle... gooo, Kuribo!:

"YUGI sent out KURIBO!"

;ok, let's see what my mom can do!;

"CINNAGOO sent out FRENCHWHORE!"

;use strip... that always works!;

"FRENCHWHORE used STRIP!"

"It's super disguesting!"

:Ew.. even I'm getting notcious!:

"KURIBO fainted!"

:Ergh... go me!:

"YUGI sent out YUGI!"

;So, you want hand to hand combat? Shall be it!;

"CINNAGOO withdrew FRENCHWHORE!"

"CINNAGOO sent out CINNAGOO!"

:Ok, I'll use my heart power!:

"YUGI used HEARTPOWER!"

"Foe CINNABON's heart was broken!"

;Ahh! It feels as if a piece of life was torn out... I feel like battling no more!...;

:I guess that means I win! YES!:

;But... my mom feels like fighting!;

:Damn...:

"CINNAGOO withdrew CINNAGOO!"

"CINNAGOO sent out FRENCHWHORE!"

;Use your Milk and Cookies attack!;

"FRENCHWHORE used MILK&COKKIES!"

;hahaha! Eat that! literally!;

"FRENCHWHORE bribes YUGI with MILK&COOKIES!"

:That'll work! Not! I hate milk and cookies!:

"YUGI fell for bribe!"

:What? I did no such thing!:

"MILK&COOKIES was contained SLEEPPOWDER!"

:THAT IS THE SINGLE MOST ANNOYING ATTACK IN THE GAME!:

"YUGI fell asleep!"

;Ok, Ugly teen, do what you must to win!;

"FRENCHWHORE hit YUGI over the HEAD with FRYINGPAN!"

"YUGI fainted!"

:...:

;hahahaha... I WIN!;

"BATTLE used END!"

T.o. BATTLE #3

;LEAH; Vs :JARJARBINKS:

;oh no, ohno, I'm not fighting him again!;

:(Chill, the Narrator got a translator, remember?):

;Oh, yeah right... phew... ok continue.;

"BATTLE used BEGIN!"

;Goooo! Ninetails!;

"LEAH is REMINDED for the FINAL TIME she DOESN'T have a NINETAILS!"

;grrr... Eightails...;

"LEAH sent out EIGHTAILS!"

:(This is silly, go Dandaman!):

"JARJARBINKS sent out DANDAMAN!"

:DANDAMAN send yout Hooh out!:

"DANDAMAN sent out HO-OH!"

;Can a pokemon send out a pokemon? Ti... it doesn't matter, Eighttails use your FLARE!!! MWAHAHAHA!;

"EIGHTAIL doesn't have enough PP for that move!"

;What? why not? I just took it to the Pokemon Center just before I came here?!;

"LEAH notices that the PP is 0/0!"

:(Haha):

;Shut it, Binks.... ok use Flamethrower!;

"EIGHTAILS pulled out a FLAMETHROWER!"

"EIGHTAILS is BURNING down TURTUREMENT HQ BUILDING!"

;What? I didn't tell you to do that!!!;

"BATTLE will END in DRAW within 20 lines if the BATTLE isn't concuded!"

LINE1 :(Give up, for your fate and mine):

LINE2 ;Stop wasting lines, Binks, and battle!;

LINE3 :(Fine, Dandaman tell your hooh to use Sky Upercut.):

LINE4 "HO-OH used SKYUPERCUT!"

LINE5 "EIGHTAILS fainted!"

LINE6 :(Oh, goodie!):

LINE7 ;Grr... go myself!;

LINE8 "LEAH sent out LEAH!"

LINE9 :(Dandaman withdraw Ho-oh!):

LINE10 "DANDAMAN withdrew HO-OH!"

LINE11 :(Now I would like to switch my active pokemon to Ghost, alright?):

LINE12 "JARJARBINKS withdrew DANDAMAN!"

LINE13 "JARJARBINKS sent out GHOST!"

LINE14 ;Come on, hurry it up! The Hq is almost burned down!;

LINE15 :(Ok, use SOULHAUNTER ATTACK!):

LINE16 "GHOST used SOULHAUNTER!"

LINE17 "LEAH fainted!"

LINE18 :(Yes! Please finish the battle before I die tho, Narrator.):

LINE19: "BATTLE used END!"

LINE20: "BATTLE ENDED!"

"HQ BURNED DOWN!"

[note: This battle is based off Blue Version Battle #106, which can be found here:

Any way, enjoy the battle :)]

T.o. Battle #4

;JESSIE; Vs :DAZOMBIEMAN:

"BATTLE BEGINS!"

;Umm.. After reading battle #106 in blue version, I'm getting kind of scared.;

:VWA! KNOZ WUTZA U MEANS!:

;Do you always speak like a zombie?;

:I M ZAZOMBIE MAN!:

;Well that makes sense...;

"BATTLE already STARTED!"

"If JESSIE and DAZOMBIEMAN doesnt send out a Pokemon, they will auto-lose!"

:VLA? WUZAA? FINE! GOZA, JEEVESA!:

;Get'm Kobra!;

"DAZOMBIEMAN sent out JEEVES!"

"JESSIE sent out KOBRA!"

:Zwa!!! THESSA ARIA DEAD NOW! ZLA!:

"MINIVIRUS appeared!"

;What? A MINIVIRUS? Hmm... It seems one got through the network into Flare Version! C'mon Zombie Man, we must stop it!;

"MINIVIRUS turned into BILLGATESAMON!"

:ZWA! ENLIGHTINING! THATSA WUT BILLGATESAMONZA REALLY IZ! A MINIVIRUS!:

;Yes, and we must stop it at all costs!

"JESSIE and DAZOMBIEMAN have a TURTUREMENT BATTLE to START, not a PLOT BATTLE to START!"

;Shut it, Narrator! Taking down a mini is much more important than the Webmaster's silly 'Turturement';

:NOTZA TRUE!:

"DAZOMBIEMAN joins BILLGATESAMON!"

;Not smart. The mini virus will kill you.;

"DAZOMBIEMAN and BILLGATESAMON are FRIENDS now!"

;Damn... So I will have to win this tourtiment battle and kill the mini at the same time... I get it.;

"JESSIE is RIGHT!--- FOR ONCE!"

;Ya better believe it!;

:IZA DONT!:

;Ok, Kobra, use POISION STING! HAHAHA!;

"KOBRA used POISONSTING!"

"JEEVES was POISONED!"

;YES!;

"BILLGATESAMON hacked into and un-poisoned JEEVES!"

:VWLA! TAKE THAT!:

;I can take that. So the mini will have to die first then.;

"BILLGATESAMON used WINDOWS!"

"BILLGATESAMON and KOBRA got confused!"

:ALL BUT MYZA JEEVES, RITE, DADDIOVLA?:

"RIGHT, SON!"

:LOLZA:

"BILLGATESAMON made itself blast off in it's confusion!"

;Good, now that the minis gone...;

"KOBRA hurt itself in it's confusion!"

;Damn...;

"Critical hit!"

;How can confusion be a critical hit?;

"KOBRA fainted!"

;Darn.. go me!;

"JESSIE sent out JESSIE!"

:VLA!!! YOU CANT WINZ! JEEVES use your EVILSEARCH attackza!:

"JEEVES used EVILSEARCH!"

"It's super idiotic!"

:VOH...:

"It's a one hit wonder!"

:KOOL!:

;Nooo! I cant lose!;

"JESSIE fainted."

"DAZOMBIEMAN wins!"

"BATTLE used END!"

Meanwhile...

Location: The Network

Player: BILLGATESAMON (no record yet)[A mini virus]

(Pokemon Lineup: None)

TEe HeE! I will just have to go into another version to cause pain! The Flare Version Webmaster is just too smart! Oh well, hmm how about the Frost Version, or maybe Yellow or Gold or Forrest or Viridian or Flame or Blue or, !DARE I SAY IT! Red?

"BILLGATESAMON is thinking!"

T.o. BATTLE 5

;OUTLAWRIKKS; Vs :CINNAGOO:

"NARRATOR would FIRST like to CONGRADULATE you BOTH for GETTING this FAR!"

;Hmm.. something is a little different then how I remembered facing Vikks tho...;

"NARRATOR apoligizes that the TURTURMENT HQ BURNED down in T.o. BATTLE 3, so NOW we HAVE to HAVE TURTUREMENT BATTLES outdoors!"

;Thats ok, Narrator. Live and learn. Thats my motto.;

"NARRATOR says WHILE OULTAWRIKKS may LIVE, he NEVER LEARNS!"

;That was cold.;

:Can we get this battle started already? I'm growing impatient.:

"BATTLE used BEGIN!"

"BATTLE BEGINS!"

;Good, now to win again! Go! Undead Gates!;

"OUTLAWRIKKS sent out UNDEADGATES!"

:Go get that zombie, Toon Summoned Skull!:

"CINNAGOO sent out TOONSKULL!"

:Use Termonate!:

"TOONSKULL is loafing around!"

"TOONSKULL used FOCUS ENERGY!"

:How... usless...:

"TOONSKULL fainted!"

:WHAT?:

;YES!;

:Hahahaha! It looks as if I must use my best Pokemon! My mom!:

"CINNAGOO sent out FRENCHWHORE!"

"UNDEADGATES fainted just by seeing FRENCHWHORE!"

;ERRGHH... that THING IS SO DAMN UGLY!!;

:What do you expect? It is my mom.:

"POKeBALL dropped from OUTLAWRIKKS'S BELT!"

;Oh my god! What is it?;

"POKeBALL OPENED and TURNED OUT TO BE RUBYVER!"

;AHHH!!! I still didn't tame it yet! PLEASE DONT KILL ME!;

"RUBYVER TAKES out a CHAINSAW from it's BACKPACK!"

:It's almost too painful to watch... too bad he cant die from a Turturment battle. Just... well, be turtured.

"OUTLAWRIKKS is being CHAINSAWED, yet HE CANNOT DIE!"

;OUHHHAADFASD! LET ME DIE!!!!;

"OUTLAWRIKKS fainted."

"CINNAGOO wins!"

:Hehehe... I win!:

"BATTLE used END."

T.o. BATTLE 6

;JARJARBINKS; Vs :DAZOMBIEMAN:

"NARRATOR WELCOMES you to the GREAT OUTDOORS!"

;(Blame it on Leah in T.o. Battle 3.);

:DONTZA WORRIA! ALSEADY dIDA!:

;(Good.);

"NARRATOR would LIKE to SAY a few WORDS!"

;(Then by all means say them.);

"NARRATOR says that THIS first TURTURMENT has NOT had all that much TORTURE! So BEGINING this BATTLE, IT will BE alot MORE PAINFUL!"

:WHYz? CULDNT STARTI NEXA 'ATTLE?:

"NO!"

;(I'm ok with that... considering I'm going to win.);

:UZA WISHES!:

;(And my wish will come true, just wait and see.);

"BATTLE used START!"

"BATTLE STARTED!"

;(Ok, Ghost you can do it.);

"JARJARBINKS sent out GHOST!"

:GETHIMZA, JEEVZAES!:

"DAZOMBIEMAN sent out JEEVES!"

;(Ok, Ghost use Scare.);

"GHOST used SCARE!"

:VLA! WUT HAPPENVLAED?:

"CHOOSE YOUR OWN NARRATOR JOKE!

A. GHOST SCARED JEEVES to DEATH!

B. GHOST SCARED it's MASTER, JARJARBINKS into LOSING!

C. Nothing Happened."

:B-VLA!:

;(No! A, good chum.);

"THIS is WHY CHOOSE YOUR OWN NARRATOR JOKES CANNOT be USED in TORTURMENT BATTLES!"

;(So, what happened?)"

"C! BECAUSE than NO ONE will GET what THEY want!"

:SOUNDZA FAIRIAR TO I-Z!:

;(I guess it's alright...);

"GHOST used SCARE!"

"But nothing happened..."

:VLA! MY TURN! JEEVES USE EVILSEARCH!:

"JEEVES used EVILSEARCH!"

"JEEVES became EVIL!"

:VLA... FORGOT JEEVES IZ A SERCHK.:

;(Like it'll do anything anyway, Jeeves is already evil.);

:TRUE! BUT UNFORTANTLY FIRZA U, GHOST-TYPES are WEAK AGAINST DARK TYPES!:

"Did DAZOMBIEMAN actually USE his BRAIN? IMPOSSIBLE!"

:OH! BUT TIZ! NOW CRUnCH CRUNCH TIME!:

"JEEVES used CRUNCH!"

"It's super effective!"

;(Err... I didn't know Zombies were capable of thinking that much... You exseeded my expectations...);

:GRR!! NOW YOUZA USIN TOO MUCK PROPA ENGLISH!:

;(Live with it. Go, Lugia.);

"JARJARBINKS sent out LUGIA!"

:LUGIA IS PSYCHIC! PSYCHICS ARE ALZO WEAKS VS DARK!:

;(True, but not one that knows Double Kick!);

"LUGIA can't LEARN DOUBLE KICK!"

;(It can't?);

"NO!"

;(You're rigging it in your son's favor, arent you?);

"YES!"

;(I'm going to lose, aren't I?);

"CORRECT!"

:VLAHAHAHAHA!:

"ACTAULLY, NARRATOR is getting SICK of his SON'S VLAS and ZAS!"

;(And...?);

"So NARROATER has DESIDED to MAKE his SON AUTO-LOSE!"

:VLA! VUT?:

"It's TRUE!"

"BATTLE used END!"

"JARJARBINKS wins!"

:VLA?VLA?VLA?!?!?!?!?!?!:

04-20-03 TORTUREMENT CHAMP BATTLE

T.o. Battle 7

;CINNAGOO; VS :JARJARBINKS:

"NARRATOR CONGRADULATES both who MADE it THIS FAR!"

"NARRATOR says that WEBMASTER rpGamer WOULD LIKE to SAY a FEW WORDS!"

"rpGamer: Hello everyone, and congradulations to Cinnagoo and Jar Jar Binks. You two are the two best trainers in Flare Version right now. But soon the story of the first Tortuement will unfold... soon... There will be one victor, and one more loser. Which one of you are better is still yet undesided, but this battle will choose which trainer of Flare Version is truely the best. Thank you to all the Flare Version trainers that participated in the torturement, and let the battle begin!"

;Everyone knows that I will win. There's no question.;

:(How are you so sure with yourself? Remember, I too made it this far. But now this is it. We will see which one of us is truely better.)

;So let it start.. the fued!;

"BATTLE used BEGIN!"

"BATTLE started!"

;I'll start with my usual starter, GOOO! TOON SUMMONED SKUL!!!!;

"CINNAGOO sent out TOONSKULL!"

:(No surprises, go Ghost!):

"rpGamer: I think It would be fun to make this a deathmatch. That means that its just Ghost Verse Toon Summoned Skull. That will make it alot quicker so I can get back to writing Plot Battles."

:(So be it, Almight rpGamer.):

;Fine, I'll tear you apart!;

"rpGamer: Oh! ~~~ The tension! I just love it!"

;Use your LADEDADEDADA attack!;

"TOONSKULL used LADEDADEDADA!"

"It's super effective!"

:(Damn, that's right! Toon Skull is Dark!):

:(Alright, bounce back with Double kick!):

"GHOST used DOUBLEKICK!"

"It's super effective!"

"It's super effective!"

"TOONSKULL fainted!"

;That is so cheap! So so cheap! No way! Death Matchs are sooooo not fair!;

"rpGamer: Your problem, not mine. Now with the power vested in me, all losers gain 1 loss, and Jar Jar Binks gains a win and a nifty [CHAMP!#1] to put at the end of his name. Congradulations!"

;No! No! NOOOOOO!;

:(Yes, yes yes, baby.):

"BATTLE used END!"

"Narrortive Text"

;First competitor;

:2nd competitor:

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