Warped version of Carnival tune starts and stops, lights ...



[pic]

by Kelley Zinge ©2006

ACT I

Warped version of Carnival tune starts and stops. Lights flash in a circle (to hint at a carousel), house lights down. Warped version of tune starts again with the lights and continues fast and then dies again. As the lights come up we see a dilapidated “audience” at the back of the proscenium that will serve as a choral ensemble, they should be covered with cobwebs and also look like they’re decomposing. Once the music begins, dead “carnies” of all shapes, sizes and states of decomposition rise out of every nook and cranny in the audience (it should be a startling effect)

Carney of Terror

CAST

Welcome to the greatest show on earth,

Come one, come all to the darkest sights since birth,

It’s very plain to see that you’ll be filled with glee at the….

Chorus:

Carney of Terror, Castle of Fright

Carney of Terror, lots of delight!

Carney of Terror, come see the sights

At the Carney of Terror, we wish you a BAD night!

Ghosts, vampires, demons aplenty,

we’re so happy you’re here

Murderers, sinners, fifteen or twenty,

things both gross and queer!

Now don’t you whine and don’t you cry,

nothing can injure the dead,

But things aren’t fine, we don’t lie,

you might lose your head!

Women

Insanity and psychosis resides,

Basses

we’re so happy we’ve died!

Chorus:

In the Carney of Terror,

there’s no big fuss,

But in the Carney of Terror,

you belong to us!

(Carnival riff): Da da da dad a dad a dad a dad a da

Hurry, hurry, step right up, see the maggot boys eat a live cow (Moo).

Come on, come on, hurry up --- can we saw you in half right now?! (Boo!)

Dad a dad a dad a dad a da dad a

A planted cast member who looks like an audience member is pulled from the audience

Look in the center ring!

Music stops

ENSEMBLE:

(Spoken)

LUNCH!

Audience woman is surrounded by spooks who dive upon her in a heap and when they come apart she is nothing but a skeleton:

Basses

You should have seen that cah ah ming!

Then music continues a tempo:

Chorus

Carney of Terror, a night of deli’cies,

Carney of Terror, take no pictures please,

Carney of Terror, save your cries and pleas,

For in the Carney of Terror,

you belong to, you belong to

(cast moves upstage)

You – be-long-to

Boogie hasn’t appeared when he was supposed to, so they restart the chorus again with a key change, and the choreography changes direction, too:

Carney of terror, a night of deli’cies,

Carney of terror, take no pictures please

Carney of terror, save your cries and pleas,

For in the Carney of Terror, you belong to, you belong to, YES,

YOU-BE-LONG T0

The cast assembles on either side of the upstage proscenium and indicate that Boogie (the boogie man and master of ceremonies) will enter from up there. Instead he enters from downstage in the audience and startles the cast who immediately regroup and join him there on his sung:

Boogie

ME!!!!

The song ends, all carnies are gathered around Boogie. Boogie is a perfectly putrid looking monster/corpse with just a pinch of dashing to make him incredibly charming. The “Shakespeare” spook (Dead William) announces Boogie in complete deadpan.

Shakespeare

Gather round ye scuttlebutt dogs for the everyman of the underworld, the subject of your nightly horrors, the loathsome, lascivious, loudmouthed, lily livered scandalous heap of cowering monkey dung that ever walked a cemetery --

Boogie

Oh Willy how you do go on about me (he demurs) and iambically too….how droll.

Shakespeare

He slithers to us now from the dark, smelly cavern where he was buried, he’s rotting, he’s particularly pungent, he’s --

Boogie

All right, enough! Get on with it! Shakespeare, humph, how he does drone on and on --

Shakespeare stares at him with contempt, and then without affect, he announces:

Shakespeare

He’s a complete -----

Boogie interrupts

Boogie

I’m Barnicus Methusela Boogdorf! – at your service

He takes his hat off and bows. Applause from the other spooks. Shakespeare glowers and walks off.

Boogie

Rabies and Skeletons welcome to the greatest show in Earth! We’ve searched nightmares the world over to bring you these ghostly delights (and some not so delightful) for your enjoyment -- but mostly ours. The dead are back from their eternal beds to give you something to think about! Welcome to the fffffffunhouse!

He shoos the ensemble to their spots. Boogie is about to say more but is interrupted by a tugging at his shirt. An old fortuneteller, older than life itself, has limped in and is trying to get his attention

Madame LeClerq

I must speak to you –

Boogie

Ah! Madame LaClerq everyone! (he indicates her with little enthusiasm) She’s um --- dead. To her

Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?

He sidesteps her

Madame Laclerq

But it is of UTMOST urgency Monsieur Boogie

He slides her off to the side

Boogie

What could be more important than this?

He mugs to the audience

Madame LaClerq

There are bad things coming – it’s worse than we thought

Boogie smiles at the audience and holds up a finger, he takes fortuneteller to the side

Boogie

I told you, you are being ridiculous! The audience will come to no harm!

She looks at the cast audience with disgust

Madame LaClerq

Are you sure they haven’t already?

Cast audience looks shocked. They think they look fabulous

Boogie

NO! Not THAT audience, THAT audience!

He shows her the paying audience. She grimaces – she doesn’t think too much of them either.

Madame LaClerq

Meh.

Madame LaClerq is about to speak but then looks confused --- she has forgotten what she was going to say

Madame LaClerq

Well, now I can’t remember –

Boogie

Through his smiling teeth

Cuz you’re older than god’s old dog

She grabs his hand and attempts to read his palm – he yanks it from her, so she throws a curse and an obscene gesture his way – which spooks him stage right. He squeals like a little girl and covers his head:

Boogie

Away, away dusty old crone!

Boogie squeezes a “bayoooooga” horn in his pocket. Madam LaClerq cackles until she coughs, and a band of crazy carnies sweep her off on their shoulders – she’s terrified.

Boogie

Antoinette you bleeding maggot, where are you?! (No answer). Confound her, I’ll see to that later!

But first, I wish to mingle, converse and otherwise nibble on this evening’s offerings.

To an audience member: (Kissing their hand) you’re charmed I’m sure!

(To the next one): And you I’m sure have never seen the likes of me? And I have never seen the likes of you, (he tries to lick her) but be sure that I like you.

(Another) Do you remember me? I remember you, how many times did I see you as a child squirm in your bed, whimpering and hiding beneath your covers because of what you might have seen, and they didn’t believe you did they my dear? Rest assured I was certainly there and….I still visit from time to time. I’m the creak in the floor, the bang in the basement and the chill in the air….I’m the rats in the attic, the hand under your bed waiting to strike, who am I? Do you know? Do you believe? He turns into a madman Do you recognize me?!!!!!!

Boogie

bbbbbblga! (He begins a soft shoe rhythm ala Cab Calloway)

What does the boogie man look like?

We’re all different, can’t you see.

What does the boogie man look like?

They can’t all be as dashing as me!

They got great big teeth or none at all,

Are they teeny tiny slimy or ten feet tall?

Do they do the hootchicoochee dance?

Or slither on the floor?

Wiggles wobble on two legs,

Or hop on all fours, tell me sonny!

What does the boogie man look like?

Is he handsome and daring like me?

Antoinette

But she said, hey there boogsta!

Maybe the boogie’s a SHE!

Antoinette has entered the song. She is a dead version perhaps of Marie Antoinette or a mixed race colonial Caribbean princess, a decomposing mess of hormones and passion, she is not just Boogie’s side-kick she is his equal

Boogie

Spoken

Unlikely, blister!

Antoinette

(Singing this to him):

Does he have buck teeth?

Or mismatched clothes?

Boogie

(Directed at her)

Does he carry ‘round the head

of the woman he loathes?

Antoinette (Spoken)

You flatter me, boil.

Boogie

Ha! Ha! Is he the blood sucking ghoul,

who haunts you at school,

or the shaky whisper in your bed?

Is he the mischievous jerk,

who eats your homework?

Or the guy who comes to get you –

when you’re dead?

Antoinette

Fills you with dread!

Boogie

I’ll have your head!

Antoinette

So you’ve said,

but we digress, mess!

The ensemble dances/slinks in to the song --

Ensemble

What does the boogie man look like?

They’re all different, can’t you see.

What does the boogie man look like?

They can’t all be as smelly as he!

They got great big teeth or none at all,

Are they teeny tiny slimy or ten feet tall?

Do they do the hootchicoochee dance?

Or slither on the floor?

Wiggles wobble on two legs,

Or hop on all fours?

Tell me sonny!

Boogie shrieks an ungodly shriek and scares the spooks offstage. Antoinette stays totally nonplussed by his carrying on. The music slows…he dances with her.

Boogie

What does the boogie man look like?

Did you know I visit you at night?

I could be the doll on your shelf,

a big fat red elf, or a shadow,

or a glimmer, don’t you see?

What does the boogie man look like?

Does he smell a little something,

does he sound a little something,

and does he look a little something…

like… me?

After the applause he takes Antoinette’s hand and leads her towards the audience:

Boogie

Scabies and Worms, may I present to you the scourge of the carnival, the screeching howler monkey of the underworld, the fingernails on the chalkboard of my life, the raging infection upon my heart, Antoinette!

Antoinette (very turned on)

Oh Boogie, you festering sore, how I seethe at the sound and sight of you. She offers him her hand, he takes it to kiss it and it falls off.

Boogie

Pull yourself together wanton hussy!

Antoinette

You heat me to the bone Boogie, take me later!

Boogie

Yes no bones about it I’ll have you on a rack, Mrs. Bones Jangle.

He bids her goodbye and then turns to the audience.

Ach, we’re the things that go bump in the night, the faint cries in the woods, the creeping thoughts in your head that say some day, oh yes you will die, and we’re here to make you feel better? No! Happy? Maybe. Scared? Yes! Think? Don’t know if you can! Make you believe? Well now, that IS the question isn’t it?

He indicates “dead audience” This is YOU in a few years so – be aware. He smiles sardonically.

Here’s the first of our presentations, but don’t let it rattle you.

Blackout

Dance Piece #1 - Skeletons in the Closet on lights up, a door is flown in, a scientist is finishing up for the evening, his skeleton hangs in the corner of the room. He rushes out of the room forgetting his notebook and disappears for the evening. The skeleton starts tapping his toes in the silence of the lab, a funk drum rhythm begins and he hops down from his hook and takes a tap solo. Other skeletons tap into room and it is a full on skeleton tap party! The drum beat changes, as does the music turning to an Irish jig, a small step dancer skeleton performs a solo. After her solo, they hear the key turning in the door and fall to the floor, original skeleton hops up onto his hook and dangles. The scientist comes in, sensing something has happened in his room he looks around curiously, he spies his notebook and leaves again. The original skeleton starts tapping his toes again. (Alternate might be for them all to come to life again and tap out?) *This may also be done with an animation on a screen!

Antoinette and Boogie appear…..they pass the exiting skeletons

Antoinette

(Referring to a skeleton)

Do you wish I looked more like her Boog?

Boogie

Course not, too bony.

Suddenly self-conscious

Boogie

That piece made me feel “fat”, you?

Antoinette

Engorged!

Boogie

Don’t you wish we were?

Antoinette

Infinitely.

How much time did we waste when we were living?

Hating ourselves?

Boogie

Yes, and now we’re dead!

They look at each other and laugh

Antoinette

How I long for something romantic, something that says hurt me….please!!

Boogie

Next, for you a battle of the sexes, the predator and the prey. A fly caught in the spider’s web, something that says I’m CONSUMED by you, you rack of rotting meat…

He grabs her shoulders and her arm comes off. Antoinette freaks out and runs off.

Boogie

God, that turns me on!

He follows her offstage.

Dance Piece #2 - The battle of the sexes (a gypsy scarf dance): A beautiful, gypsy peasant walks on with a long scarf, passing a handsome count. He is attracted to her and pursues her ardently, if not dangerously. She remains coy and frightened until at last, after a long, conflicted tango, she gives in. The “Count” begins to draw her in, only to be the victim of a woman’s wiles, and HE is wrapped in the scarf and bitten on the neck. This is done to a gypsy tango.

Boogie

Ah, now there’s a woman who could sink her teeth into me! Delicious little villain, little monster, don’t you just love her? Some people are instinctively evil, and others are driven to it!

He sneers at the audience’s reaction

Don’t annoy me with your judgement about her evil proclivities and her psychopathic ways! In MY world, predators only devour the prey. YOUR world is a terrible place. All those Starbucks and Gap stores, soccer moms, baby boomers with man buns, coffee drinking hipsters, jogging junkies who high step through parks and neighborhoods, not to mention the onslaught of witch like women in yoga pants and ponytails, Pilates instructors gaw….terrifying! In your world, the prey bemoan their state while they devour still yet another type of victim. None are above reproach, yet all reproach with heavy handed ferocity!

At least HERE, we know where we stand:

The Vexed – Show music begins something like the Tonight show. An ancient looking camera is flown in with a corpse running it.

Announcer

Welcome to the Vexed Ladies and Gentlemen, a place to air grievances and dirty laundry! A safe place where the wicked can dish, and receive closure and support. And now your host, our very own lady of the evening, the beautiful little ground fertilizer herself, heeeeeeeeere’s Antoinette!

Antoinette

(Politely at first)

Please, please no applause….

Stop now, really, thank you –

SHUT UP!

Tape worm that annoys me!!

I’m not giving anything away so please stop the incessant kissing of my dusty bottom! My producer and that little snipe who brings my tea would have been with me today

But, I ate them.

She shakes her head as if jesting, and then nods to the affirmative that she did in fact eat them

Today on our show we will be talking with the evil queen, you know…Snow’s mum. Is she a villain, or simply a victim of circumstance? You be the judge.

The evil queen wanders on looking crazier than a hoot owl. She is Baby Jane and Norma Desmond times three!

Without further ado, here she is, Evil Stepmother to the ever lovely Ms. White, I like to call her “Evey”, let’s give her a big hand!

Dead audience applauds wildly

Antoinette hugs Evil, who wipes off her hug frantically. Evil sits cautiously down but is clearly distracted by something offstage, something that smells good.

Antoinette

Evey, so good to see you! Let’s get right to it. Evil, many say that since you hired someone to kill your stepdaughter and then tried to kill her yourself several times, that makes you evil. Evil is slinking off to get her prey. Antoinette grabs her and sits her down. Are you evil, Evey?

Evil

From the second I entered that singing twit’s house, it was nothing but glares and sideways glances.

She builds up to a huge outburst

All the time with her sarcastic chattering, “Oh stepmother you’re so beautiful! Oh Stepmother I love that dress! I love YOU Stepmother!” and that high pitched squawking she called singing, and those birds that flitted about her at all times of the night and day! So unnatural, it was like the birds were a little gang and Snow the ring leader, chirping and flapping around my ears, fly away little birds, fly away you feathered little fu --!

Antoinette

(Interrupting)

YES, I see what you mean! I would have killed her myself.

Antoinette changes focus like she’s looking at a different camera

Our next guest hails from the “West”, some says she’s mean, I say she’s green, she’s a witch, but we’re not going to burn her on my show! WICK!

Wicked cackles from off stage and then flies onstage.

Wick

(Cackling)

Oh I’ll get you my lovelies and your little mini coopers, too!

Antoinette

Wick!

Wick

Toni, you old hag!

They do a little hand over hand thing on her broom. Wick wins!

Antoinette

What’s up Wick?

Wick

My blood pressure Toni. I’m very upset over this litigation I’m in over my sister’s slippers.

Antoinette

Ah yes

Looks pointedly at the audience

“Rubygate”!.

Evil starts talking quietly to herself under her breath; this builds throughout the next lines.

Wick

That little Midwestern brat drops a house on my sister, and with the help of that meddling, passive aggressive G-fairy steals her slippers right off her feet! Then that little murderer disappears back to Kansas (God knows why) and I ain’t seen em since!. Those shoes should rightfully be mine; I’d like to ask your audience if they’ve seen those shoes, to get with me after the show.

Evil

(standing)

Roses!

Wick

(spelling her to sleep to shut her up)

Poppies!

Doorbell

Antoinette

(Feigning innocence)

I wonder who THAT could be?

Glenda appears wearing the ruby slippers with her big frothy pink dress; Wick is furious.

Glenda

Woot! Woot! G-fairy in the house to set things straight!

(Applause is possible here. Wick shuts them up as music intro begins)

Wick

There’s nothing straight about you, Glenda!

(Music begins for “You’re a Witch” and Shakespeare interrupts)

Shakespeare

Stop! Stop! Ladies and Gentleman, all characters in this piece, fictional or otherwise have nothing to do with that other musical, you know, the BETTER one. These ladies are twice as awful as those others, and there is not an ounce of redemption in this whole piece so if you have a problem with it…. Wick menaces him with her broom, and Glenda gets wand ready – they will crush him well, um…(He clears his throat and exits)

(The music starts again for “You’re a Witch”)

Wick sings:

Just cause’ you wear pink

don’t make you the favorite drink…

of the boys in town.

Just cause’ you wave that wand;

Don’t mean we’re totally FOND of you

in that gown!

(Spoken: Hideous)

You’re…a…mean side saddler

with the heart of a rattler

spewing venom every chance you ever get.

You’re a one time beauty

who is overdone and fruity;

you’re the frostiest little wench I’ve ever met.

But don’t you forget as the sun rises and it sets,

you’re a witch sister, you’re a WITCH

(Turns into a Latin rhythm)

Witch…it rhymes with…SNITCH!

As in no one likes a little tattle tale,

Witch…it rhymes with…DITCH!

As in someday you’ll fall in one without fail!

Witch…that rhymes with -

Well, there’s ad-jec-tives to tell you what I think….

Though you wear pink,

and you don’t smoke and you don’t drink,

You’re a witch sister, you’re a witch.

Glenda

Now now now I’m really more of a fairy really, but I know you only say that cause:

Glenda sings

You’re mean and grumpy

and parts of you are frumpy,

and you barely have a reason to wear a dress, (so sad!)

You’re green and hairy

with a face that’s truly scary,

you’re just cranky cause you’re crazy and a mess…

But I know that depression,

that outward aggression

is cause you’re a witch dear, YOU’RE a witch

Ooooh, how you need a friend, (Like Me!)

Ooooh, how you need a facial too,

Oooh how you’re evil heart could mend,

if you only had a pink lip or two?

(She puts lipstick on Wick)

But you’ll always be frightening

Were you hit by lightning?

You’re a witch dear, you’re a witch….

|Wick |Glenda\ |

|Witch that rhymes with SNITCH |OH, how you need a friend |

|As in no one likes a little tattle tale |Ohhhh, how you need a facial too! |

|Wick |Glenda |

|Witch that rhymes with DITCH |Ohhh, how your heart could mend |

|As in someday you’ll be in one without fail! |If only you had a nose that’s cute and new! |

|Wick | |

|Witch that rhymes with - well there’s more adjectives to tell you| |

|how I feel!! | |

|Just cuz you wear pink and you don’t smoke and you don’t drink | |

|You’re still a witch sister! | |

| |Glenda |

| |Frowning makes you wrinkle! |

|Wick | |

|You’re the biggest WITCH sister! | |

| |Glenda |

| |Aw, you just don’t have my twinkle, cause you’re a |

|Wick |WITCH SISTER! |

|WITCH SISTER! | |

| |Glenda |

| |Ha ha bloomers in a twist sister! If I’m such a witch sister, why|

|Wick seethes |do all of the little people love me, even the lollypop gang, and |

| |I can fly in a bubble instead of on an ugly old broom, and I can |

| |swim in the ocean and drinks lots and lots of water, and take |

| |lots of hot baths and never worry about getting it on me – |

| | |

| |Glenda shrieks!: YOU WITCH! |

| | |

|She bears down on Glenda | |

|And tears her pink dress | |

|Wick |Glenda |

|You’re a witch sister, you’re a WITCH! |You’re a witch sister, you’re a WITCH! |

Song ends.

Antoinette

(Pointing at Glenda’s shoes)

Are these the shoes in question?

Wick

Give me back my sister’s slippers you hussy!

Evey wakes up to watch the ensuing fight.

Glenda

Now now now, Dorothy gave me these slippers before she flew to Kansas, and a lovely fit they were too!

Wick

Did she give them to you, or did you steal em’ off her big fat feet as she flew?

Glenda

Well, what’s a little girl gonna do with them in Kansas?

Wick

Give me those slippers harpy!

Glenda

Not by the hair of your chinny chin CHIN!

She pulls a hair out of Wick’s chin.

Wick

That’s it!

She chases Glenda around to the other side of the stage where Glenda picks up a glass of water and throws it on Wick.

Wick

Crap

She melts.

Antoinette

Well, I didn’t see THAT coming.

Glenda walks proudly to the couch and sits next to Evil.

Antoinette

Well, I don’t know what to say really.

Evil

(Offering a poison apple to Glenda)

Apple?

Glenda takes the apple is about to bite

Blackout

Boogie comes on with an apple and Antoinette joins him, he takes a bite.

Boogie

Poison apple, what will they think of next my decomposing poppet?

Antoinette

A potion perhaps to shrink one’s head?

Or a vitamin that makes one more potent?

Oh wait they have one of those, why don’t you pop a few of those pock mark!

Boogie

What’s the good of being potent with a dilapidated shell of carbon and ash?

Antoinette

Keep blowing that hard and I’ll simply blow away, you pontificating puff of noxious fumes.

They are turning each other on. They get very close, he sucks her finger and it comes off in his mouth killing the moment. He stares at the finger.

Tell me Boogie, if I could take a potion to make me whole again would you want me to take it?

Boogie

What? A whole pile of dung instead of the quivering, crumbling thing you are now?

He hands her the finger

YES! If there’s such a potion do take it DEAR. Your falling apart impedes our progress if you know what I mean.

This has maimed her deeply

Antoinette

Very well DARLING!

She runs away, the word “darling” stings him deeply.

Boogie

Fine Antoinette DEAR! Run away crying about your sad state of affairs, I care not how you feel, DEAR! Dusty blood blisters don’t feel, do they dear?

Mme LaClerq laughs

Boogie

Why are you laughing, hag?

Madame LaClerq

Turn off the charm, monsieur. Your insults won’t work with me.

She laughs again she’s about to speak when the group of rowdy carnies runs back thru and tries to grab her. She fakes left, then right and they fake HER out and go right and catch her. They carry her off. . Boogie looks sadly at the audience

Boogie

(Sadly)

Beware of potions, quick fixes and such; they bring as much heartache as they do relief. He wanders offstage.

Dance Piece #3 – Snake Charmers Three hags stand around a cauldron invoking a beauty potion. Their lines can be read by the dancers onstage or from off stage via microphone to make it seem like it’s them. First they have these lines:

Hag #1

Grab that book over there dreary and we’ll get our potion brewing.

Hag#2

Here Jinx!

Hag#3

(Reading)

Hubble Bubble, toil and trouble….

Hag#1

Dolt, that’s Shakespeare! The book of spells imbecile!

Hag #2

Oh yes! Here!

Number 3 grabs it angrily. Opens it and hands it upside down to #1, who with a glare turns it right side up and begins to read and throw in her ingredients.

Hag #1

The first key to the spell of beauty is lots and lots of butterfly wings.

Hag #2

The second key to beauty is the red feathers of the cardinal

Hag#3:

The last important ingredient is the stolen fairies’ dust.

All

Come on Aphrodite fair,

Bring your sisters to our lair,

Make our faces match your reflection

Bring true love in our direction.

Cast your beauty down to earth,

Cast it into the skin,

Make our faces match the world without,

And belie the evil within!

Oh come, oh come sweet goddess of beauty,

And bring your sisters near,

Make grown men forget their earthly duty

And give them not to fear.

Alhambra, delhumbre, calladral destier,

Alhambra, delhumbre, calladral destier.

A loud noise, a puff of smoke and the hags drop to the floor. The Arabic music starts and they move like larvae to shed their hideous skins (latex masks and cloaks). This should be like the “snake charmer” Arabic dance. #1 Emerges from her hag exterior in a multi colors like a butterfly, #2 in vivid red, and #3 in luminous blue. A man enters with a clarinet and charms these cobras thru-out the piece, eventually charming them back into their hag skins. The women awake as if from a dream and shriek when they realize they are all hags once again. Blackout

Shakespeare

(very hipsterish at the first)

Give it up for the bard! Whoop whoop!

Clap those hands and snap those fingers hard. What? What?

I have something to say: (regaining his regal posture)

Mummy was like Lady Macbeth,

gosh but her hands were bloody,

Daddy, I imagine, was a bit like King Lear,

though less like a father, more like a buddy.

My sister was definitely an Ophelia;

she was oafish sure enough but a bit more.

My daughters, tho I taught them best that I could,

never knew what they were good for.

Romeo and Juliet were two horny kids

kissing under a shade tree,

they were always doing it in the bushes

and making my neighbors angry.

My wife, to whom I left my second best bed ,

liked to snore and tell me she wanted me dead.

Then there was Viola, Ariel and Titania

God what a girl, she had a slight mania!

Mainly she thought that she was the Queen,

I had to keep her mouth busy,

Because LORD but her highness was mean!

Then one time just for kicks I gave Oberon a whirl

and then Puck, what good luck, his kisses were pearl!

The Henry stories were just there to make me look smart.

So there in a nutshell without any “do tell” is my life, and how I got my start.

He bows, if he doesn’t get much response he can then say” And that’s what happened opening night for “Othello” Thank you very much for that sad memory.

Antoinette

(She has come out with mummy rags tying her together): Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all (She aims this at Boogie). Love is a gift, best cherished in the moment – after the moment is gone – it’s gone forever.

But what if you never knew you were loved, you couldn’t see, touch your love, or hear them speak the words?

Boogie

(he recites “She was a Phantom of Delight” by William Wordsworth as Antoinette begins to leave).

She was a phantom of delight

When first she gleamed upon my sight;

A lovely Apparition, sent

To be a moment's ornament;

Her eyes as stars of Twilight fair;

Like Twilight's, too, her dusky hair;

But all things else about her drawn

From May-time and the cheerful Dawn;

A dancing Shape, an Image gay,

To haunt, to startle, and way-lay. Antoinette leaves.

I saw her upon a nearer view, (a sad ghost enters)

A Spirit, yet a Woman too!

Her household motions light and free,

And steps of virgin liberty;

A countenance in which did meet

Sweet records, promises as sweet;

A Creature not too bright or good

For human nature's daily food;

For transient sorrows, simple wiles,

Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene

The very pulse of the machine;

A Being breathing thoughtful breath,

A Traveler between life and death; (Boogie stands behind her)

The reason firm, the temperate will,

Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;

A perfect Woman, nobly planned,

To warm, to comfort, and command;

And yet a Spirit still, and bright,

With something of angelic light. (Boogie exits as Captain enters)

Phantom of Delight 1900’s Captain is working in his study. A beautiful ghost sings to him of her love for him though he doesn’t even know she exists. The song starts out playful but very quickly turns tragic as her love will be unrequited.

Ghost:

Can you see me here? Can you feel me near?

Is there something that tells you you’re not alone?

Against the warm walls of your home,

Can you see me?

Ghost

The cool breeze in your hair is me breathing,

Captain

That draft feels so cold.

Ghost

The hum of doves’ wings is my heart beating, for you.

Captain

Somehow I don’t feel I’m alone.

Ghost

Perfume comes and goes….

Captain

Flowers?

Ghost

In the silence of the night,

Cold, these lonely arms, long to hold you tight.

Captain

Why is it always flowers?

Ghost

Can’t you see me?

On the stair,

by the door,

everywhere,

I want MORE!

I might join the living but all I have here is the past,

You won’t catch me breathing until I am yours at last,

You can’t see me standing here and loving you,

You can’t feel me at all for all you ever do is see right through me.

Can you see me here? No I guess you can’t

Can you feel me near? There’s a song on my breath and it’s singing just for you,

Though you can’t hear me, you never do!

Both

Oh so many times,

Capt

the perfume

Ghost

my perfume,

Capt

the doors falling open,

Ghost

Coming to see you, you’re my --

(with Captain’s next line simultaneously)

Capt

I feel

Both

Love!

Ghost

I’ve dropped hint after hint to let you know I’m waiting here,

playing pranks, singing songs, shedding tears.

I’ve often wondered why I can’t touch you,

I’ve often pondered this dream I’m stuck in,

where hearts never beat, and lips never meet,

and tears are all empty within.

Ghost

I might join the living but all I have is the past,

Capt

These papers….

Ghost

You won’t catch me living until I am yours at last,

Capt

They’re always falling

Ghost

You can’t see me standing here and loving you,

You can’t hear me at all for all you ever do, is see right through me….

Captain

Is there someone there?

Ghost

You see right through me….

(She sadly floats off dropping her lace handkerchief in the process)

Captain

Hello?

He picks up the handkerchief that she drops, smells it then is startled when the door slams.

Boogie

The sacred time is drawing near, and night songs are my hymns,

But beware the wayward child as the sunlight slyly dims.

Night creatures have been released to their flight,

Oddities all, they fill you with fright….

Humans! Humph! Alive but not aware, so egomaniacal the only creatures out there,

But the night will have its revenge; the death of magic will be avenged!

Dance Piece #4 – The Night Ballet - The lady of the night sings this frightening lullaby as night creatures (animals, faeries, and other beasts) dance about. The scene opens with children draping large trees with ribbons and garland, laughingly playing tag. The light begins to dim and birds singing give way to wailing and other frightening noises. The lady of the night enters with her attendants, one child eventually escapes, the other is snatched up and held by the lady and she eventually leaves holding him. Her bustle is darkness and by the end of the piece, her attendants open the bustle to a giant piece of dark fabric and the fabric is rushed over the audience’s head.

Lady:

As darkness comes,

The daylight dims,

Bright flowers die,

Owls sing their hymns.

Dark shadows creep

And fold about,

While sunlight sleeps,

There’s no way out.

(Add Boogie in harmony)

Night voices sing in frightful strain,

They sing from joy, the golden pain.

Small eyes have seized you from their rest,

The stars shoot forward from their nest.

Antoinette

Alone in a glen, your heart beats fast,

The fox in his den has found you at last.

All (Boogie, Lady and Antoinette)

Shiver softly, feel the air,

Only darkness playing there,

Running blindly through a stream, trembling softly afraid to scream….

Lady

Scream through the night, the restless moon won’t fall,

Night creatures hear you weeping, but they don’t care at all.

Leap through the dark, get lost at the fairies’ ball,

Run from the arms of tigers, big and fearless and tall.

Scream to the moon, feel the earth spin and heave,

Stars are gazing from their nests, waiting to hear you breathe.

All

Sing heidy ho give not a care,

Night’s beauty lies in the chill of the air,

Lay peaceful now on God’s green bed, a path for your feet, and a song for your head.

Lady

Shiver softly, feel the air, only darkness playing there,

Running blindly through a stream, trembling softly afraid to scream,

Run swiftly now, the time has come, for you are the babe of a dark kingdom,

Yes you are the babe……..

Of a dark kingdom!

(The cloth is run over the audience’s head)

Blackout

Intermission

ACT II

Dance Piece #5 – There Might Be Giants - beginning of ACT II, lights out, lights up on the “trees” seen previously before the “Night Ballet”, the “trees” are actually giants (people on dry wall stilts in shaggy green dress). The small ones awaken and stretch, followed by the largest center one, the two smaller trees giggle and point at the large one who still has ribbons and garland on his boughs. He roars at them and then seemingly proud of his “new” look he primps. This little scene is followed by a rhythmic dance on the stilts accompanied by nothing but drums. Afterwards, they exit, the large giant last.

Boogie

To audience

My, my, my I bet he has a large….heart? Yes?

Antoinette

I’m sure he at least HAS a heart DARLING.

Madame LaClerq staggers across the stage and tries to tell Boogie her news – he pushes her to the side

Madame LaClerq

Monsieur Boogie, I remembered! I remembered and it’s so important!

Boogie dodges her, he’s in the middle of something:

Boogie

That’s quite enough you stinking shrew, what good will come of these angry words?

Antoinette

I don’t know you odorous pig darling! But I get so much satisfaction from them DEAR.

Madam LC steps between them

Madame LaClerq

Listen you grand idiot! I have remembered what I wanted to tell you –

Boogie

Harlot.

Madame LaClerq

I told you, you are barking up the wrong tree with that one – your flirting is useless on me – I’m taken.

Boogie looks horrified and moves her again.

Boogie

Rotting mayonnaise

Madam LC staggers in between them and tries to speak but is cut off by Antoinette’s sudden ardor

Antoinette

Disease

She is getting turned on – she throws herself at him

Antoinette smooshes MLC into Boogie, so she is squished between them. She struggles with her crooked old legs to get out of the embrace. She finally dislodges herself and coughs in Boogie’s face. The group of rowdies trot onto the stage, LaClerq resigns herself to be whisked away and this time puts her arms around them like she’s taking a ride. She hisses back to Boogie:

Madame LaClerq

You’re a fool, you corpse! I won’t tell you, not now, not ever and you will all suffer for it!

She cackles and coughs and prods the group:

LaClerq

Onward!

The carnies trot off, LaClerq on their shoulders like Cleopatra. Boogie’s attention is back on his love.

Boogie

Flatulent pus pocket on a frog’s bottom.

Antoinette

I’m sorry we fought my lovely little leech.

Boogie begins to un-wrap her mummy rags.

Boogie

How I’ve missed you these last minutes, your stench, your mold, your molting body parts. (He pulls off a piece of her skin).

Antoinette

That’s the loveliest thing you’ve ever said to me, so much better than de --!

Boogie

(Interrupting)

Don’t say it dar --!

Antoinette squeals her dissatisfaction and breaks out of his embrace. They look out at the audience and the music starts:

Darling and Dear

Boogie

There are endearments big and small,

from every corner of the earth,

Antoinette:

the most passionate soliloquies,

filled with fervor, brimmed with mirth.

Boogie:

But there are two words

that fill me with gall and dread,

and hearing them from your lips,

makes me want you DEAD!

Antoinette

(Spoken)

Oh I already am I assure you.

Boogie

That’s nice Dea-!

Antoinette

(Furious)

Don’t say it DAR----!

Both

SCREAM!

Both

Darling and Dear, such hideous words,

cute little pet names for prudes, dorks and nerds!

Antoinette

No color, no depth, no artistic measure!

Boogie

No Passion! No Meat! No unbridled pleasure!

Both

Just manufactured sacch’rine niceties! PLEASE!

Antoinette

Call me a tart; I’ll give you a thrill,

Boogie

Tear me apart, and you’ll have your fill.

Both

But those stale small words will bring my nerves to tears,

Don’t call me darling or dear!

Boogie

I like it when you’re cruel;

Antoinette

I like your biting sting.

Boogie

I dream about your insults,

Antoinette

You make my body SING!

Both

Give me gnawing jabs and scorching, burning leers,

But no Darlings or Dears!

Both

Darling and Dear such hideous words,

cute little pet names for prudes, dorks and nerds!

Antoinette

No color, no depth, no artistic measure!

Boogie

No Passion! No Meat! No unbridled pleasure!

Both

Just manufactured saccharine niceties! PLEASE

B

Viper!

A

Dog!

B

Hag!

A

Cat vomit!

B

Shrew

Antoinette sucks air through her teeth

B

Boil full of poison

A

Oh!

B

Daughter of the hounds of hell

A

Yes!

B

Bursting, hairy mole upon my heart

A

Take me!

Both

(very sweetly)

Be careful of what you call me and stay clear…..of darling and dear.

They kiss.

B

Yes dear!

A Waltz begins; He takes her arm and it falls off, He will twirls her off with “Pull yourself together you sweltering refuse!”

Boogie

(To audience):

I seem to have lost my dance partner, will someone oblige me? How about you?

Starts to dance with woman or man from audience and then says:

Boogie

I don’t think so, too cold!

He picks another and stops right away:

Boogie

Mommy?! Oh well, third one’s a charm!

He picks another:

Boogie

Oh my God the stench, the odor…..PERFECT!

He waltzes with her until the music stops.

Boogie

You may sit down my sweet pickle, but someone else must take your place!

He claps his hands and a very exhausted looking dancer enters and poses ready to dance with him.

Boogie

No, no, no my love, not with me, I’m far too exhausted.

Dance Piece #6 Dance Ballerina Dead Boogie sings Dance Ballerina Dance, every chorus getting faster and faster as the ballerina dances herself to death. She dies and several spooks carry her away.

Boogie

So that’s what “dead on your feet” means eh?

He laughs.

Boogie

Not funny? Oh don’t tell me you’re a bunch of bleeding heart so and so’s? Are you a bunch of whining, crying, dare I say it, democrats? Your braying and juvenile kicking and screaming makes your mascot all the more appropriate. Donkeys are the whipping boys of every animal in the kingdom now aren’t they?

Antoinette

(Entering indicating Boogie):

Welcome to MY nightmare Ladies and Gentleman!

Boogie

Oh don’t laugh Republicans, your chortles and guffaws are just as annoying as the braying of the others. There’s a reason you’re represented by an elephant, I think it has something to do with the size of the mess you make! I think your --

Cue the fog machine - Antoinette puts her hand over Boogie’s mouth just as he about to utter more political slander, she pointedly looks at the audience:

Antoinette

Ah but here’s the real truth: DEATH is Bipartisan!

Dance Piece #7 – The Dead Have Wings A young boy (or girl) leads a funeral procession singing the requiem. As he/she reaches the final note of the first verse, the dead pop out of their graves, the requiem changes to a funk beat and the dead dance. After a time, the requiem continues as the dead stand at attention, as the child hits the final note of the song, wings sprout out from the dead and the child and the pallbearers change direction revealing that the coffin belongs to the child. Pallbearers on pointe?

The Grave Singer Dead cowgirl comes out on stage while it is still set like the cemetery. She says goodbye to the various dead as they exit: “ Clem. Gidget. Shirl.” They all mumble something in return. She then turns to the audience.

Wanda the Western Ghost

Ghosts are rivetin’ ain’t they? I guess they are because not only do they scare you but they make you sad too. Ghost stories have an element of tragedy to them, and that’s why yer so drawn to em idn’t it? There is also an element of truth to them….

Shakespeare

Stop! Before you go any further I must read this proclamation:

(He clears his throat) The views of this er…um…woman does not necessarily reflect the views of the management therein, truth is a subjective word, and I’m sure we’ll all agree, what is one person’s truth is another’s outright dirty lie. Should you find any of her revelations or proclamations false, the management releases all responsibility herein and basically, just…um…deal with it? He clears his throat once again. Thank you.

WW Ghost

Well, This is MY true story…honest!

Shakespeare

(Returning)

Um again….

WWGhost

Shut up you tight wearin’ yahoo. This is the truth as I see it…ok?

Shakespeare

Fine, that’s um - good.

She rolls her eyes as he slips offstage again

WTW Ghost

In my former LIFE, I used to call myself the “grave singer”, cause in addition to every wedding, anniversary, commitment ceremony, volunteer luncheon, graduation luncheon, fund raiser and holiday, I sang at every funeral I attended….even my own, cause who the heck was left to sing but me? I just stood there at my own funeral looking at myself in the coffin and said “Shit…I’m dead. Pause Hey?! Who the hell put me in that pink dress?? She looks down and still has it on

Well, I guess I’ll be living my eternity dressed like __________. Believe me when I find out who chose this nightmare they’re gonna have some mighty sleepless nights. By the way, should I go with annoying sounds like this? She hoots and squeals Or creepy sounds like this? She makes a creepy moaning noise Or innocuously worrying sounds like this? Sighes and moans and then a sigh with an upward inflection

Anyway back to the funeral, I looked around and saw every niece, nephew, aunt, uncle, and friend, both mine and my parents’ and wondered what they would do without me. Did they know I was there? Did they believe?

I believed even before I took that last little journey that I would be there watching them cause I knew my brother had saw me bawling at his funeral. I knew that cause every time I thought about him after he died the phone would ring and no one was on the other side of the line… no one but him. I loved that brother of mine, I loved all of em, but as adults Hank and I really got along which was good cause we almost killed each other when we was kids.

He died at only 30 and the shock of that killed a part of me too and was whisked away with him to live in the great beyond, I suppose that’s why a part of him stayed behind for me. He couldn’t take the most innocent part of me away without leaving something comforting behind, could he?

Anyway, at first I didn’t believe it was him calling me from beyond either, I wished it was so but it just seemed like coincidence the first time it happened. And then it happened again and again. I would be thinking about him around his birthday or around the time when he died and the phone would ring, I would answer and nothing would be on the line.

Later at a party, a boy, we’ll call him Bubba, got in my face because I didn’t agree with him and told me he hated me and never did like me and looked like he was going to hit me. Well I think he thought better of it and he left. It really really scared me. As he walked home some strangers beat the heck out of him and didn’t rob him or nothin’! Ol’ Bubba scared outta HIS wits called me and apologized the next morning. I always like to think that was my big brother Hank too!

Finally, a few years ago, I was dreaming about Hank and my granddad, and my great grand dad, all on this big bridge…I was so happy to see him and he was mouthing some words to me but I couldn’t understand em. Right in the middle of my dream the phone started ringing at my house and my husband answered it, there was no one there, and he ain’t called back since. I think it was his way of saying “I’m leaving you now; I think you’ll be ok without me and I got these other people to hang out with, see you soon!” I don’t know what he was mouthing on the bridge in my dream but I like to think he was singing this old song we used to sing as we’d hike down the mountain when we were kids, “Hey, hey get outta our way, we both live in the USA… She gets a bit misty and then gradually builds back up to her own robust self …I said hey! Hey! Get outta our way, we both live in the USA… What I wouldn’t have given before he died to have spent just one more moment with him, ah who knows, we probably would have wasted it with a dirty joke or something…wouldn’t that have been great?! a phone rings… I gotta get that…that’s HANK! I’m leaving you now, I think you’ll be ok without me; I got these other people to hang out with now.

Boogie

Walking under a ladder? Whistling in a theatre? Saying the “M” play in a theatre when it’s not playing there? Does anyone know? He continues… Saying “Break a leg” to a dancer, or “good luck” to an actor? Anyone? Come now in the form of a question? A BLACK CAT crosses your path?! What are things that bring BAD LUCK! Preposterous! A farce! There is no such thing as bad luck! We don’t believe that do we…Macbeth! Good luck actors, Break a leg dancers, bring on the ladders, and oh yes bring on the cats!

Something almost hits him.

Boogie

Notice that it almost hit me!

He turns around twice and spits before he exits.

Dance Piece #8 – Never Let a Black Cat Cross your Path – Singers adding on a few at a time are trying to cross the stage, cats/dancers keep running in front of them causing them to change directions. At the end, there is an entire kick line full of dancers/cats and the singers are forced to slide between or under the dancers’ legs. This is sung ala Manhatten Transfer

Singers (2): Never let a black cat cross your path,

Doo, doo di, doo, doo, di, doo bi doo doo,

Never make a boo boo like that,

Boo boo bi boo boo bi doo bi do do

Now do what we say, stay away from dark strays

and Never let a black cat cross your path.

Singers (4): Never cross a feline, dipped in black paint,

No no nee no no nee no nee no no

If you think we’re lying, we ain’t!

No no nee no no nee no nee no no

They bring you lots of trouble, so get out on the double

And never let a black cat cross your path.

Bridge:

Singers (6) Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty

Oh they’re so much fun!

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,

But if they’re black you’re done! EEEK!

Never let black cats follow through,

They’re crazy filled with witches’ brew!

Now don’t you think we’re funny?

If you want days bright and sunny,

Then never let a black cat cross your path!

Bridge:

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty

Oh they’re so much fun!

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,

But if they’re black you’re done! EEEK!

Verse (speeding up)

Never Let a Black Cat cross your path,

Doo, doo, di, doo, doo, di, doo bi doo doo,

Never make a boo - boo like that!

Boo, boo, bi, boo, boo, bi, doo bi doo doo.

Now do what we say, stay away from dark strays!

And Never (add on harmony), Never, Never,

The people realize they’re trapped and slide through as

They sing the final words:

Let a black cat (slide), cross your path!

Loud purring from ensemble until applause dies out.

Boogie

(Singing)

Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

Antoinette

You called chamber pot?

Boogie

Ah….the dulcimer tones of her voice traveling on the rotting breath of her lungs, how I cherish it.

Antoinette

You’re the bowels in my belly,

Boogie

The lint in my belly button, the crust on my toes,

Antoinette

I must taste you, I’m sure there’s a snack in there for me, you’ve never touched a tooth brush.

They go for each other’s tongues…and hers predictably falls off.

A cat from the previous scene runs on and grabs her tongue off the floor.

Boogie

What’s the matter, Cat got your tongue?

Everyone boos including backstage actors.

Boogie indicates the tongue-less Antoinette

Boogie

The perfect woman ladies and germs!

Bigger boo from the actors backstage. Something hits him in the back of the head. Antoinette struggles to tell him off. He holds her head in his hands as she struggles a bit. He wigs out a little.

Boogie

What? Are you trapped? You can’t escape? Locked in a padded box with no light, no air, no possibility of getting out. Are you struggling to breathe? Struggling to scream out, “Help Me Please, I’m suffocating!” Close your eyes and imagine what those moments will feel like when the air doesn’t come and the light is fading and the beating of your heart stops and there’s no way to escape the grasping claws of death…

Recorded announcer sound cue: Ladies and Gentleman, live from the underworld, the greatest magician and escape artist of all time, Harry Houdini!

Boogie

Or is there?

Antoinette breaks free and gives him a nasty gesture – which turns him on – she chases after her

Houdini and the great escape - Houdini comes back from the dead. Magic tricks and an escape trick here

Shakespeare

(Deadpan)

Buttocks, bootie, Caca, poo poo, pee, doo dee, boogers, snot, phlegm, dancing turd, bottom, booty, junk in the trunk, can, hoo hoo, tampon, maxi pad, scrogging, slapping nasties, tee tee, burning bag of dog poo, farmer’s blow, loogie, and douche etc….

(If they laugh he says, “I thought as much” and rolls eyes as he exits, if they don’t laugh or are luke warm he shakes his fists at the skies, “Thank God! There is still intelligent life on earth.”

Boogie comes out in straight jacket.

A very crazed man or woman crosses over to Boogie and eyes him intensely.

Boogie

I had a dream ladies and gentlemen. I had a dream that I had no control over what I did or what I saw or imagined. I had a dream that no one was listening to the rantings in my head and that worse, no one cared or…..believed. Or am I dreaming? Am I?! He shrieks and runs off.

Dance Piece #9 – The Scream - an insane man or woman starts off the piece as the “normal” one viewing the other dancers as the “crazy” ones, by the end of the piece it is clear that the individual is crazy and the others are trying to help. It ends with the scream from the Edvard Munch painting.

Boogie

Possibly the most unbelievable nightmare is insanity, we don’t believe in it, yet it’s very real! Old Madame LaClerq steps in his path You people confound me; you choose the most blatant things to ignore. He walks around her

Madame Laclerq marches on with purpose and shouts to him --

Madame LaClerq

By God, Monsieur Boogie, you will listen to me now ---

Boogie rolls his eyes and gently pushes her aside again. He ignores her and continues –

Boogie

You don’t believe in much nowadays, do you?

Madame LaClerq turns towards him but doesn’t advance --

Madame LaClerq

Listen – That’s what I want to tell you --

Boogie

Listen to what? Old woman chattering? The scary, tremulous voice of an ancient hag? Turns his attention back to the audience. Back to you – dear audience –

Madame LaClerq

It IS about THEM, Monsieur!

Boogie

What? Is the latest remake of Titanic out again? Is that the sinking feeling you’ve got old woman?

Madame LaClerq

Worse.

Boogie

There’s nothing worse than another remake of the Titanic --- although I laugh harder and harder each time –

Madame LaClerq

Listen! Their world is becoming like OUR world. It will soon be exactly like ours – dead.

Boogie

No – that’s not possible. They’re so drolly alive! Look at them!

Madame LaClerq

They are dead people walking –

He interrupts her

Boogie

I don’t believe you --- Humans have so much potential. They’re the flawed human trope! You know, meant to struggle, but ultimately they pull through and win the reward in the end? Good vs evil? The –

Madame LaClerq

They aren’t going to make it you rotting fool! For decades, their own scientists have wondered why dark matter has suddenly exploded and multiplied at three times its normal rate in the universe – they are creating their own demise!

Boogie is starting to become distraught

Boogie

I despise their cheeriness but I adore their pluck, their endurance (who else could put up with Steven Segal movies?) No! They have always turned things around --

Madame LaClerq

Not this time. They’re turning their own world into a living hell – worse than yours

Boogie

I won’t listen anymore

Madame LaClerq

You will. This is your own divine intervention!

Boogie

Be gone, HAG! I won’t LISTEN!

Madame LaClerq

You will!

Boogie

I won’t!

Madame LaClerq

(Singing)

Listennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Boogie’s Nightmare

Madame LaClerq

Singing:

For a few years now, they’ve squandered their time,

Worried about money, every penny, every dime.

If they’d only have listened, and worried about life,

They’d have been saved from this horror, saved from this strife.

They sullied their water, their air, and their souls

Gave into evil, filled their mem’ries with holes.

They wasted precious energy on selfish, shallow dreams,

And created dark matter til it burst from the seams.

Boogie

STOP!

Madame LaClerq

They put their faith in an army of suits

Who fed on their innocence, and devoured their fruits.

Their hearts aren’t as pure as they were long ago,

They’ve sold their souls to the lowest of lows!

Now hear me, sir, their story is done,

They’ll struggle from here without any fun!

Humanity has lost its heart, lost its drive,

They’ll never once more on this earth feel alive!

Boogie

STOP, HAG, STOP

Boogie covers his ears and drops to the floor

A troop of happy looking fat business men tap onto the stage in a pack

Fat Cats

Oh what’s the matter with money,

Sonny can’t you give me some!

If you don’t have any money,

Then you’re livin just plain dumb!

Oh what’s the matter with money

Its’ the root of all that’s sweet,

You better give me some money,

(Total change in mood Lights change to something frightening – they sing this in a growl)

Or you’ll be livin’ on the street

Ohhhhhhhhh!

Poor people from every country beg Boogie

The Needy

Nooooooooooo! Noooooo!

We don’t have any money,

We don’t have any bread,

got to find a sweet place

Where living things aren’t dead

Nooooooo! Nooooooo!

He turns from them – they run when they see the Nazis come goose-stepping out on to the stage

Goosesteppers

We don’t like you or you, or you or you or you,

You’re too dark, you’re too bright - you’re too too, and too and too!

Take this fist in your face, I don’t like your race –

I hate women, I hate pets, I hate vets, and pantalets!

Don’t like you, or you, or you or you or you,

You are strange, an oddity,

be like me and me and me!

Boogie

(Spoken)

Make it stop!

Make it stop!

Madame LaClerq

This is reality, this is the truth

If you must doubt me, here is your proof

Listen to them, words from the past,

They’ve forgotten their history, and now they can’t last!

|Fat Cats |Needy |Goosesteppers |

|Oh what’s the matter with money | | |

|Its’ the root of all that’s sweet, |Nooooooooooo! Noooooo! | |

|You better give me some, money, |don’t have any money, |We don’t like you, or you, or you or you or|

|Or you’ll be livin on the street |don’t have any bread, |you, |

|OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |gotta find a sweet place |You are strange, an oddity, |

| |Where living things aren’t dead |be like me and me and me! |

| |NO? NO? | |

| | | |

| | | |

|Give me give me give me boy, | | |

| |Nooooooooooo! Noooooo! | |

|Give me what I need, |don’t have any money, |We don’t like you, or you, or you or you or|

|Give me give me give me chump, |don’t have any bread, |you, |

|I gotta feed my greed --- OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |got to find a sweet sweet place |You are strange, an oddity, |

| |Where living things aren’t dead |be like me and me and me! |

| |NO? NO? | |

|OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |NO? NO? |You are strange, you should change, |

| | |Be like me and me and me! |

|OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |NO? NO? |Be like me and me and me! |

|OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |NO? NO? | like me and me and me! |

Thru out the above Boogie is tossed around by this sea of misery – it eventually begins to taper off and it leaves him exhausted and he passes out.

He lays on the stage writhing in this nightmare:

Boogie

No! No! The living must go on! No! NOOOOO!

Antoinette and Madame LaClerq, and Shakespeare rush in:

Antoinette

Boogie! Stop, stop that wailing! It’s gruesome! Wake up!! People are watch-ing!

Boogie

The living must live! Or everything ceases – no history, no future! No future –

He realizes he’s awake and surrounded by his friends

Oh – I’m ok. I’m here. You’re here. I had a nightmare – and you were there – and you – and ---

Shakespeare

STOP! Again, the management wishes to reiterate that any resemblance to other shows, alive or dead, is purely coincidental and he’s a moron.

Boogie

So, it really was a nightmare?!

He laughs

Shakespeare

It must be.

I’m still here.

With YOU.

Shakespeare looks ill

Madame LaClerq

No, monsieur crazy. It was REAL. It could be real, it is foretold!

Boogie

Why must you keep saying that?! To the audience: Did you hear what she said my pets? That YOU are destroying your world? Back to Antoinette How can we make it STOP?

She cradles his head in Antoinette’s arms, who looks at Madame LaClerq

Madame LaClerq

Shrugs

Well, don’t look at me. I see the future, not the solutions. What you want from someone who eats dinner at 3 and goes to bed by 6?

Shakespeare

Don’t mean to pontificate, but if you can see the future, why not the solution? Do you have a blind spot?

Madame LaClerq

Maybe! You have a gigantic bald spot, Shakespeare, what’s your point?

Shakespeare

Hag! Tell us all we’re doomed, that the machine is broken, that we’re all poisoned and then refuse to give the remedy! You’re worse than --

Madame LaClerq rushes Shakespeare

Madame LaClerq

I have a remedy for you Bardy boy!

He counters and hides behind Antoinette

Shakespeare

Don’t call me a boy! I’m a dead boy!

He swipes at her with Antoinette’ free arm

Madame LaClerq

You’re a “has been” --- a dusty barnacle on someone’s bottom!

She chases him out from behind Antoinette

Shakespeare

I’m timeless, as my reputation would lend itself – look at all the people who still do my plays –

Madame LaClerq

They don’t know any better –

Antoinette

That’s it!

Shakespeare

What’s it? That they don’t know any better than to like my plays? Why are women so mean?

He lays on the stage in utter despair

Antoinette

NO! You created something that has lasted for centuries –

Shakespeare

YES, I DID!

He jumps up with excitement

Madame LaClerq

Don’t encourage him – look what you’ve done:

Shakespeare is now posed on the stage looking “sexy”

Antoinette

Mozart created things that lasted for centuries --

Shakespeare

Mozart was a blowhard! What a pansy!—

Shakespeare ruffles up his collar and checks his tights and smooths his eyebrows. The rest stare until he notices and then he stops and tries to look more macho

Antoinette

We must, (indicates audience) THEY MUST build!

Boogie

Build?

Antoinette

Re-build. Create things that bring humanity back on the face of this earth. There are some things already out there – wonderful plays, and books and music, but there needs to be more to stop the growth of this dark matter!

Boogie

Yes, BUILD!

He suddenly has a large plank, hammer and a sandwich.

Antoinette

That was meant to be metaphorical, Boog. What humanity has created for centuries becomes their reality on earth. They make their own heaven, they fashion their own hell. The more beauty there is in the world, the less evil! They must create to survive!

Boogie

But I want to BUILD! Come on you dead and stinking dogs! Bring on the lumber, bring on the beams, let’s build a castle of our dreams!

The spooks start loading on boxes decorated with the carnival motif. When finished, it will resemble a giant pyramid that the actors can stand and sit on.

Antoinette

I guess –something tangible, something touchable will do?

Madame LaClerq

Ach! What do you see in that troll meister? That idiot?

Antoinette

I see energy, I see light, I see love.

Madame LaClerq gags

Boogie

Build faster! Bring on the creativity! Bring on the endurance! The strength!

Antoinette

The kindness and ingenuity too!

Boogie

Bring on the world – tell them to build also! Not that we truly think you can, but you must TRY! BUILD! BUILD! BUILD!

All matter of dead celebrities take the stage and build the boxes upon boxes, very much in character. Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe,Prince, Old War Chiefs, cultural icons of every era!

Boogie

Now I ask you all – what do you believe?

Voice

Whining

I believe in me…

Voice

(Miss America)

I believe in world peace.

Voice

(shouting)

I believe in the system!

Voice

(begging)

I believe in love.

Boogie

Yes and I do too….Antoinette, my pleasantly pungent blemish…where are you?

She runs to him.

Antoinette

I believe in decomposing matter, and the circle of life and death.

She kisses him on the nose, then the cheek, then the mouth.

Voice

I believe in chocolate.

Boogie

(laughing)

Those are just words. Though we’ve given you a lot to believe tonight your common sense will tell you that none of this is real, and perhaps it’s not, perhaps you’re not, but how boring. The world dies from a lack of ideas as you do from lack of thirst or food, or love. How many King Kong’s can we make until we’re satisfied? How many movies must we make over and over again until someone makes something new? The world has lost its ingenuity, its belief that anything is possible, we’re all in a rut. Or rather YOU’RE all in a rut, I’m dead and death has many possibilities…though you don’t believe that either, I’m sure. For what you’ve witnessed here tonight should enlighten you, if you are willing to suspend your disbelief? If not, then what are we to do with you and your future as it fades out of sight. Ghosts could be real, as could be vampires and the like, and even if they’re not, what IS real are the dangers your world faces. You must come up with new powerful ideas and share them with the world! You must believe in something! You MUST believe in something that is good for all humankind, and not just your kind.

More things on Heaven and Earth – Finale: Night winds, ghost sounds, Indian chanting, Celtic singing, Santa’s Ho Ho Hoing (all sound cues), Dead famous people come to life and wander thru out the stage and audience.

Boogie (Spoken over music):

I hate skeptics, they can’t see the possible, but only the plausible they hear.

And while they’re truly chiding us, biding us, they’re hiding from us their fear.

Bass (singing): The fear of the unknown.

Antoinette (Still speaking):

True so many things are illusions, just tricks and slides of hand,

The government is full of them, yet we believe them, understand?

Cast:

More things on heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy,

A small mind is your result, if you cannot see the possibilities,

More things on heaven and earth than could ever be discovered in the centuries.

Give your heart the right to believe in the dreams that other people will never see!

Antoinette:

Marilyn and Elvis and his swinging pelvis are dating and making tongues wag,

Einstein, Edison, Graham and Curie have infinite life in the bag.

Santa and Jesus go bowling, Houdini came back as G Dub, and

If you can’t wrap your minds around that, you’re the ones we’re singing of!

Boogie:

Now for those of you who must discuss, and study and debate and read

Will Shakespeare gave us the perfect quote which to date has been my creed:

Cast:

There are more things on heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy,

Infinite dreams are yet to be had if you give up the fight for mediocrity.

New thoughts in millions of minds can be fashioned and formed for democracy,

Somewhere in this frightened world, are the new Gandhi’s, the Sapphos and the Socrates!

Antoinette and Boogie:

It’s not just about believing in ghosts, or God or Buddha or Islam,

It’s about believing in your dreams and making something with them.

No matter how impossible, no matter how ludicrous it seems,

The biggest crime on the face of this earth is not believing in dreams.

Cast:

Thomas Edison was crazy, Einstein couldn’t tie his shoes,

And then there were the countless women, WITCHES, put to death for their views.

Where would we be without them, floundering in the dark, bleeding still?

The people we called crazy helped the weak, fed the poor and healed the ill!

William Shakespeare

(Spoken)

Can you believe? I think not! If you can’t touch it, smell it or taste it, it can rot!

Can you forget just for the moment that I am an actor and not the actual bard?

What have you done with your imagination? Why is suspending your disbelief so hard?

They never thought that I could do it yet here I am, whether I’m bi , straight or gay (yes I’ve heard the rumors) I’m still a man. Did I write all those sonnets, all those plays, or did I pay someone to write them for me, it did happen in those days? Can you at least believe that the plays are real, someone wrote them if not me, can you admit they make you feel, I’m here to help you see…

Iambic pentameter, what genius, what prose! While still looking amazing in codpieces and hose! You too could be a historical satirical enigma even today, write dramas, and incite mamas into a rebellious, raucous fraaaaay, yes and do it today! For there are

Cast:

More things on heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy,

A small mind is your result, if you cannot see the possibilities,

More things on heaven and earth than could ever be discovered in the centuries.

Give your heart the right to believe in the dreams that other people will never see!

Boogie

Ladies and Gentlemen, the dead Kennedys….literally!

The beat changes to rap:

John

aaaaah listen up and get a clue, ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country…

Jackie and John Jr.

What? What?

John

Your country!

John Jr

There’s more than one way to skin a cat and for some reason now we’ve forgotten that, there’s a whole lot to do so get right on it, and tell the fighting countries that war is bull-

Jackie

Spit on the people who tell you it’s crazy, they can’t work; their minds are too lazy, give me a world with new id-ee-ahs, and I’ll show you a planet that’s gonna free us!

Martin Luther King

I have a dream! I have a dream! I have a dream!

Spoken or use sound cue (while cast harmonizes beneath the Martin Luther King speech with oohs and ahhs to “Oh Beautiful”?): …And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

After this section, other sound bytes are added on (the landing on the moon, FDR, Churchill, etc..)

Spoken by Martin Luther King to the audience Stage rt): What’s your dream?

Ensemble

More things…….ahhhhh

Spoken by MLK to audience stage left): What’s your dream?

Ensemble

More things….

Spoken by MLK to Audience downstage) What’s your dream?

he remains pointing to the downstage audience as Boogie, Antoinette and the rest of the ensemble surround him so that all of them are looking at all sides of the audience

Ensemble

Heaven on earth, heaven on earth, heaven on earth, Heaven on Earth!

BLACKOUT

Lights up

Curtain call to medley of songs from the show

The cast remains on the stage backing up, the carnival music starts and stops something moves and then BLACKOUT Lights up Cast is gone.

FINIS

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