The Red Haired Stranger - SimplyScripts



The Red Haired Stranger

A “King of the Hill” Script

By Joe Sanders

620 Forum Drive

Roselle, IL 60172

Joie_333@

630-973-8922

06/29/08

WGA#1292420

Act I

EXTERIOR MIDDAY HILL'S DRIVEWAY

Luanne and Lucky are getting out of their truck and walking into the Hill's house. It is dark and it appears that no one is home.

LUANNE

I really liked that movie, but I don’t understand why everyone was being so mean to that donkey?

LUCKY

It's the circle of life.

INTERIROR HILL'S HOUSE

Luanne and Lucky walk through the house to the backyard, Peggy is throwing them a surprise baby shower. Everyone is hiding; Peggy, Bobby, Mihn, Nancy, Joseph, and others.

EXTERIOR MIDDAY HILL'S BACKYARD

Everyone jumps out.

EVERYONE

Surprise!

PEGGY

(Trying to take a picture of Luanne but her camera doesn’t work) Dang it! Wait, wait. Ok here we go let's do it one more time.

EVERYONE

Groaning.

PEGGY

Now, now, come on people here we go. And…

EVERYONE

Surprise!

PEGGY

(Taking a picture of Luanne)

Got it! Peggy Hill has done it again.

LUANNE

Wow this is really nice, but wasn't it just my birthday last year?

PEGGY

No Luanne, this is a baby shower. Everyone has come to give you things for the baby. For instance, I have given you a set of baby clothes, and I am prepared for every scenario. Baseball if it’s a boy and Softball if it’s a girl.

MIHN

I give you toy that makes barn yard animal sounds. Make baby feel right at home.

NANCY

Here you go shug.

LUANNE

Ohhh?

NANCY

It’s a baby monitor. I used it when Joseph was a baby, now Dale uses it to spy on our neighbors.

LUANNE

This is so nice. I bet if my baby could talk it would say, (In baby talk) thank you very much.

PEGGY

We also have another surprise for you Luanne. John Redcorn has come to sing you a new song he has written especially for this occasion. Inspiration from Peggy Hill.

JOHN REDCORN

Luanne, you and Lucky have been truly blessed with gift of a child. I wrote this song in the hopes that your baby will blossom, and grow to be a great warrior, and that he may grow strong surrounded by the warm embrace of a loving family, and a healthy spirit.

LUANNE

(Nancy glancing over at her) Ahh…

John Redcorn begins to sing the song and then fade to the last verse, everyone is clapping. People then start to assemble near the food table and surround Luanne.

2 women are speaking to John Redcorn, and Nancy is watching, waiting for them to leave so she can go talk to him. The 2 women leave and Nancy walks over.

JOHN REDCORN

Nancy.

NANCY

Hi John Redcorn. That was so sweet.

JOHN REDCORN

Thank you. I was inspired by the love I feel for my own son, as well the relationship between Meredith and Dr. Sheppard on Grey's Anatomy.

NANCY

So I was thinking that maybe we could get together later, you know, for old times sake.

JOHN REDCORN

That would be nice.

TRACY, a beautiful 30 year old red-headed woman wearing an expensive hip outfit walks over.

TRACY

(Interrupting, walking in to the conversation talking on her cell phone) That sounds great! (Hanging up her cell phone) Ok well they said it couldn’t be done, but I got you booked in the swankest pre school in Dallas for asking price, plus a cut of the house.

(To Nancy) Oh hello.

JOHN REDCORN

Nancy, this is Tracy, my, uh manager. She's helping me expand my territory and market my killer sound.

TRACY

When I'm done with him, every kid in America is going to own a Redcorn album, book, doll, and DVD.

JOHN REDCORN

Tracy use to work for a big talent agency; she use to manage Carson Daily.

TRACY

Yes, but that was in my other life. Now I'm just happy to have someone to come home to every night, and a job where I can stay in one place for more than 3 days at a time.

NANCY

(Unsure) How nice for you.

PEGGY

(Interrupting, and calling everyone over) Ok, now its time to play a little game I like to call BINGO. But, instead of using the word bingo, we are going to use the word LUANE Bobby, pass out the cards, and everyone get a stamp. Come on.

EVERYONE

Groans.

Peggy keeps talking and setting up the game, Nancy walks over to where Peggy and the others are, but is still watching John Redcorn and Tracy pack up their things to go. She is getting curious of their relationship. The suspension builds, and then after a moment, they kiss. Nancy is shocked. Mihn is also looking that direction.

MIHN

Whoa, there he goes again. Maybe this time he'll get to keep it.

-FADE OUT-

EXTERIOR MIDDAY THE ALLEY

Hank, Dale, Bill and Boomhauer are drinking beer in the alley. Dale is wearing his exterminator outfit.

HANK

Yep

BOOMHAUER

Em hm

BILL

Yep

DALE

Ye…… (His cell phone rings, he takes out his cell phone)…..Gribble Enterprises. Yes Dale is available, please hold. (Cups the phone with his hand and makes on hold music noises). This is Mr. Gribble. Yes, No, No, No, No, No, Yes! I'm sure we can send someone over to take care of that

(Continued)

for you. No, No, No, No, No, Yes, No. Sure right away. No, thank you. (Dale puts the phone back in his pocket. Then he takes a swig of beer) Yep.

Brief silence.

HANK

So, is that a new cell phone Dale?

DALE

A phone Hank, yes, but it's so much more. This not only gives my customers 24 access to Dale's Dead Bug, it also insures that no matter where I am I can be informed in

the event of a militant uprising, political cou, or Y2K bug attack. I can also get up to the minute important information from the Gribble Conspiracy watch. It also takes neat pictures. (He takes a picture of Hank) (Phone rings, Dale answers, and he sounds serious at first) Hello. Yes Octavio. Hmmm, interesting, that sounds serious. Better check it out. Get back to me as soon as you find anything (Dale hangs up his phone).

BILL

What's the matter Dale?

DALE

Well I can't say too much, but let's just say it has something to do with Octavio, and a check engine light.

BOOMHAUER

(Takes out his cell phone) Yeah man, talking bout always on, text, pic, email, in the car or on the john man, don’t matter man, talking bout always on man.

HANK

You too Boomhauer?

BILL

I have a cell phone. But after carrying it around for a while, no one called me, so now I leave it at home… you know just in case. Hank you have a cell phone, I've seen you with it.

HANK

My cell phone Bill is for propane emergencies, and can only be used for business purposes. I don’t need to be walking or driving around like some jack ass talking on the phone all the time.

DALE

(Phone rings, he picks up) Gribble Enterprises, Uh huh, uh huh, yes uh huh. Hmmm. You want them dead you say. Show no mercy. Hmmm. Sounds interesting, yeah I'll take the case. Em hmm, ok got it. (He puts his cell phone down)

BILL

Now what's the matter Dale?

DALE

Seems that there is a rat infestation down at Molly's Café. (Begins dialing his phone)

HANK

No not Molly's!

DALE

(Talking into his cell phone)

Octavio, meet me at the place. No the other place. And bring the equipment, that’s right. Then we'll (whispers inaudible into phone, then very serious). Right, ha ha!

(Dale begins to put on his mask and co2 canister)

HANK

Dale be careful this time, this is not a currency exchange or a Starbucks, its Molly's, home of the best pie in Heimlich County.

DALE

I will. (Breathing through hi mask) Well I'm off. (Lifts up mask) Oh and can someone pick up Octavio? The bug-a-bago is a little low.

-CUT-

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE

Hank is sitting at his desk doing paper work when Buck walks in.

BUCK

Good news Hank. It seems that the Arlen Medical Center is out of business.

HANK

What do you mean sir?

BUCK

Seems they went belly up after some college boy they hired was stealing profits, bleeding 'em dry. So, it's been bought out by some big wig outfit from San Antonio.

HANK

So, why is this good news?

BUCK

Well, now that they're under new ownership that means they need to renegotiate their contract. So I' m sending you out to get Buck a better deal.

HANK

But Arlen Medical has been a Strickland customer for years.

BUCK

Not no more Hank. New owner, new deal. Now go out and reclose this son of a bitch. I'm counting on you Hank.

HANK

Don't you worry Buck, I will "close" this "deal" the same way I always do. With my 14 point presentation, and a slice of homemade cherry pie.

BUCK

Hope you're not talking bout old Molly’s pie.

HANK

What?

BUCK

Yeah, I heard that Molly’s Cafe also gots a new owner too.

Was going to be closed by the health department until someone came in a snatched it up.

HANK

They didn't change the pie did they sir?

BUCK

Hank, I don’t care about your pie, all I care about is you closing this deal for team Strickland. Now excuse me a second, I gotta take care of some business.

Buck walks out. Hank has a concerned look on his face.

-FADE OUT-

INTERIOR GRIBBLES HOUSE KITCHEN

Nancy is sitting at the kitchen table, and is calling John Redcorn.

JOHN REDCORN'S VOICE MAIL (V.O.)

Hello, I am not able to take your call, please leave a message. *BEEP*

Nancy thinks about leaving a message then hangs up. She then picks up the phone and dials again.

JOHN REDCORN'S VOICE MAIL (V.O)

Hello, I am not able to take your call, please leave a message. *BEEP*

NANCY

Hi John Redcorn it's Nancy…again…just seeing if you got my last message, or if you were around, and how you're doing. So…call me when you get a chance, if you want. Or, no…well, ok bye shug. (Sigh)

-CUT-

INTERIOR ARLEN MEDICAL CENTER DR. MORLEYS OFFICE

Hank is pitching to the head of the medical group,

DR. CHRIS MORLEY, a 40 year old doctor.

HANK

Reason number 8, because at Strickland you are more than just a customer, you're apart of the Strickland team, and that makes you more than just a customer, it makes you family. Reason number 9…

DR. MORLEY

You know Hank, I'm sure your 47 reasons or whatever are all very…enticing…and interesting… but I've got an appointment in about 30 minutes, and I'm new in town. Is there any place around here to get a good cup of coffee, or piece of pie or something?

Hank smiles.

-CUT-

INTERIOR MOLLY’S CAFÉ

Dale is spraying at MOLLY's Cafe with poison. SHANE, a 30 year old heavy set, well dressed man and Tracy, the owners of MOLLY's are in the back office.

DALE

And sheesha! Sheesha!

SHANE

(Peeking from the office door) Ok, who hired this exterminator, and why is he using kung fu?

DALE (V.O)

Wooooooh, sheesha!

SHANE

(Shaking his head)

TRACY

John Redcorn recommended him. Said he's a little weird but he'll get the job done.

SHANE

Well as long he gets rid of the rats. I still can't believe the condition this place was in when we bought it. It should have been shut down years ago.

TRACY

Well don’t worry; when we're through with it this old dump is going to be hippest and happenist place in town.

*BELL RINGS*

TRACY (CONT.)

Oh, that must be the decorator.

SHANE

(Still looking out the door) Is it normal for an exterminator to be making those noises?

DALE

Give it up you mice; soon you will be in a better place.

Dale follows the mice urine trail with a blue light to the back of the restaurant and into the walk in fridge. He notices inside the fridge that it is stocked with pre made pies.

DALE

(Looks puzzled) Hmmm. (takes out his cell phone) Octavio, are you tracking my location, good. I need you to hi-jack a semi and meet me here immediately. Oh, you're having dinner with your family huh. Uh, huh good paella you say.

DELIVERY DRIVER

Ok, I've got 300 Homemade "Pie in the Sky" pies... Where do you want em?

TRACEY

Yeah, homemade!

TRACEY AND SHANE

(Laughing)

Dale over hears the conversation and looks shocked.

INTERRIOR HANK’S TRUCK

Hank is pulling up his truck to MOLLY's with Dr. Morley.

HANK

Reason number 10, the Strickland promise of excellence. If you are not fully satisfied with your service at any time simply call the… (He notices the truck in back of Molly's, and the driver is wheeling pies into the back door.) What the, Pie in the Sky Homemade Pies? NOOOOOO!

-FADE OUT-

Act II

EXTERIOR MIDDAY THE ALLEY

Hank, Bill, Dale and Boomhauer are drinking beer in the ally. Dale is eating a piece of pie, and making noises that the pie is very tasty.

HANK

Yep.

BOOMHAUER

Dang old, yep.

BILL

Em hmm.

DALE

Mmmm, this is so good.

BILL

If we were supposed to bring desserts to the ally, I am all for it, in fact I've lobbied for it for it for years. But I would have liked a little heads up.

HANK

Bill, the ally is for beer drinking beer only. Dale you know that.

BILL

I…also would have brought enough to share (to Dale)

BOOMHAUER

Yeah man, talking bout' give a little bit over here, smells good man, talking bout being selfish man.

DALE

Gentleman please, I acquired this pie in payment of ridding Molly's or should I say, Pie in the Sky, of local vermin. Therefore it is mine and mine alone.

HANK

That's from the new pie place! Dale how could you? Molly's has been apart of Arlen for years. How could you go behind her back like that?

DALE

Because Molly's never had Double Chocolate Explosion pie! Mmmm…

HANK

And after all the birthday parties, graduations, and family celebrations that Molly's was there for you you're just going to give her up just like that?

*Dale's cell phone rings*

DALE

(Dale answers his cell phone) Gribble Enterprises, Dale Gribble speaking… Joseph my son…

BILL

Huh! Double Chocolate Pie, I didn’t even know that was possible. I must have some!

Bill goes to grab the pie from Dales hands.

Bill grabs the pie.

BILL

I got it!

Bill runs with Dale's pie, and Dales chases after him. Dale drops his cell phone on the ground.

DALE'S CELL PHONE - (V.O.) JOSEPHS VOICE

Dad, dad?

HANK

Oh god.

-FADE OUT-

INTERIOR ARLEN MALL

Peggy and Nancy are walking through the mall looking for clothes.

PEGGY

So then I said, well just because this house has a pool, that doesn’t mean we can drown the buyers on the price. (Laughs) Nancy, are you even listening to me?

NANCY

I'm sorry shug, but where to you go in this place to find some hip new clothes?

PEGGY

(Looking at a summer dress in a casual clothing store) Well, now that is lovely. I think that would look just wonderful on you. Nancy…Nancy?

Nancy is looking at clothes in a younger, hip clothing store called Bubbles. Peggy notices. Then she follows her in.

PEGGY

Nancy, what are we doing in here?

NANCY

I'm shopping. Now this is cute. What do think of this? (Holds some clothes up to her)

PEGGY

I think you’re about twenty years to late.

CASSIE, a young sales girl wanders up and approaches Peggy.

CASSIE

(Very bubbly and high energy) Hi! Welcome to Bubbles! Can I help you with anything?

PEGGY

Well, Cassie, I was just leaving.

CASSIE

And you ma'am?

NANCY

Ma'am? Did you just call me ma'am?

CASSIE

OMG! That would look so cute on you!

NANCY

What, oh you think so?

CASSIE

Totally! And with any purchase today of fifty dollars or more you get 10 free Itune downloads, and a chance to win tickets to the VMA's!

NANCY

(Confused) Oh, great shug.

CASSIE

Yeah, it’s a totally great deal, but if you end up not spending the fifty you can still be entered in the drawing by texting VMA123 to 45544 or you can enter at bubblesvma. So, either way you're good! Now should I wrap that up for you?

Nancy realizes she is in over her head.

-CUT-

INTERIOR HILL'S HOUSE KITCHEN

Hank and Peggy are sitting at the table and Bobby enters holding a flyer.

BOBBY

Dad, Mom - there's this new place in town called Pie in the Sky, and they’re having a grand opening and giving out free pie!

Hank takes the flyer.

HANK

What the - no, I am not going to the new pie place; there was nothing wrong with the old one.

BOBBY

But Dad, they have Peanut Butter M&M and Banana pie, and I heard they even have milk shakes with pies mashed up in 'em!

HANK

I don't care what they have mashed up in 'em, I am not going. That place already embarrassed me in front of an important client, and destroyed the best homemade pie in Arlen. NO!

BOBBY

But Dad…

PEGGY

Now Bobby, you're fathers right.

BOBBY

Ok mom, but did I mention that they have Chunky Snickers Cheesecake…

PEGGY

Oh, well, now, Bobby we must. Chunky Snickers Cheesecake?

Hank gives Peggy a dirty look.

PEGGY

Bobby, go to your room.

BOBBY

Ok.

PEGGY

Now Hank, I know you're upset about your meeting with that doctor but you need to just let it go. Now I'll go talk to Bobby.

INTERIOR HILL'S HOUSE - BOBBY'S ROOM

Peggy walks into Bobby's room. Bobby is sitting on his bed.

PEGGY

Now Bobby, you know your father has a hard time with change, and you know how much he loved that pie.

BOBBY

But…

PEGGY

I know it is hard, but we have to support him on this.

BOBBY

O.k. But did I mention you can get a Chunky Snickers Cheesecake Milk Shake, topped with whip cream, and crumbled Snickers pieces?

Peggy thinks about it for a minute.

PEGGY

Well, maybe we can support your father by trying the new pie place and just see how it is. Yeah. We’ll be protecting him from having to do it himself. Uh-huh, that’s what we'll do. But most important, we just won’t tell him about it.

BOBBY

Alright!

-CUT-

INTERIOR PIE AND SKY RESTAURANT

Peggy, Bobby, Nancy and Joseph are sitting at a booth. The restaurant is having a grand opening and is very busy and noisy.

BOBBY

Wow, this place has everything!

JOSEPH

I think from now on, I’m just going to eat pie and nothing else.

BOBBY

And look at all the cool pie flavors they have, “Oreo Cookie Crumbles Pie”, “Super Cherry Surprise”, and ooh…the “Candy Store Inside Pie”.

PEGGY

Hank would hate this place, but I don’t know it’s kind of fun, don’t you think?

NANCY

Yeah, well it sure is new.

As the waiter comes to their table, Nancy notices John Redcorn sitting at a booth with Tracy.

WAITER

Ok folks, so what can I get for you today?

JOSEPH

I’ll have the “Super Fudge Firecracker”.

PEGGY

“Chunky Snickers Cheesecake”

BOBBY

“Quadruple Chocolate Fudge”

WAITER

(To Nancy) And for you ma’am?

Nancy does not respond, she is watching John Redcorn and Tracey at a booth. She notices that Tracy gets up and leaves the booth.

PEGGY

Nancy?

NANCY

'Scuz me shugs.

John Redcorn is sitting alone in a booth. Nancy approaches, pretends she just noticed him

NANCY

John Redcorn, what a surprise!

JOHN REDCORN

Nancy.

NANCY

Well how are you?

JOHN REDCORN

Oh, I'm good. And you?

NANCY

Oh I’m doing just great.

Awkward silence.

NANCY (CONT.)

Why haven’t you returned any of my phone calls?

JOHN REDCORN

Oh right. I've been busy, I've been touring a lot, and we've been focus-grouping the packaging for my new CD.

NANCY

We?

JOHN REDCORN

Well, Tracy and me.

Tracy approaches the booth.

TRACY

Oh hi! Uh…Nikki right?

NANCY

It's Nancy.

TRACY

Oh right, your Nancy Gribble. You're married to that exterminator. Tell your husband he did a bang up job, but he missed a few things back in the cooler if know what I mean.

Nancy is confused.

JOHN REDCORN

Tracy is part owner of this place.

TRACY

Yep, but I like to think that my ex husband is the one footing the bills.

NANCY

(Fake laugh)

Tracy's cell phone rings and she answers it. She walks away.

NANCY

Is there a place we can go to talk?

JOHN REDCORN

Well…

TRACY

Great news Johnny! The record company loves the tracks we sent and wants you to go on tour with "Kids Rock"; it’s the hottest K through five music tour going!

JOHN REDCORN

Wow, that’s great!

NANCY

Yeah, that’s great news.

TRACY

Well come on Johnny, we've got to get to the studio and fix a few tracks before we go to print.

Tracy leaves the table.

JOHN RECORN

It was nice seeing you Nancy.

John Redcorn leaves table.

NANCY

Yeah, but…

Nancy is depressed and sits down at the booth. A waiter approches.

WAITER

And what can I get for you ma'am?

-FADE OUT-

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE HANKS OFFICE

Hank is on the phone talking to Dr. Morley.

HANK

And I can assure you that Strickland Propane will deliver on time and offer only the best customer service. (brief silence) And yes I can assure you that my "meltdown" in the truck had nothing to do with Strickland, and will never happen again.

INTERIOR DR. MORELY'S OFFICE

DR.MORLEY

Well, you seem like an honest guy, and the only other propane dealer in town - I think the gentleman's name is Thatherton - offered to take me somewhere called "Jugg Store Cowboys", and don't think I want to know what that is. See Hank, I’m a family man, and I need people around me I can trust.

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE HANKS OFFICE

HANK

Sir I swear to you that Strickland Propane is the best choice for all your propane needs.

INTERIOR DR. MORELY'S OFFICE

DR. MORLEY

Ok, but I need a man who works well under pressure. Now, I don’t know what you're deal is with that pie place, but if you go down there with me and buy me a slice and a cup of coffee without flipping out. You gotta deal.

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE HANKS OFFICE

HANK

Huuuu…Ok.

INTERIOR DR. MORELY'S OFFICE

DR. MORLEY

Great, then I'll see you in an hour.

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE HANKS OFFICE

HANK

Oh god.

Buck walks into Hanks office.

BUCK

How's that new account coming old top?

HANK

I can assure you that I am doing everything within my power for team Strickland.

BUCK

Just make sure you close that son'a bitch. Don't want to lose another one to old Thatherton.

HANK

Don't you worry sir, that's not gonna happen.

BUCK

Well just make sure you get-it-done. You know all these fellas from the big city are just looking for small town charm. Should be a piece of cake.

HANK

Cake I wish.

-FADE OUT-

INTERIOR GRIBBLES HOUSE BEDROOM

Nancy is sitting on her bed looking at old pictures of when she was younger, and of those with her and John Redcorn. Nancy then gets up and looks at her reflection and does not like what she sees. Dale is the other room on his cell phone and is watching TV. Nancy thinks he is talking to her.

NANCY

Dale… (No response) Dale!

DALE

Yes.

NANCY

Do you think my looks are fading?

DALE (V.O.)

Of course I do, doesn’t everyone?

NANCY

What! Really? Everyone?

DALE (V.O.)

Yeah, it’s not like its some big secret.

Nancy looks at her reflection again and notices a wrinkle.

NANCY

Oh my God!

Nancy begins to cry into her pillow.

INTERIROR GRIBBLES HOUSE FAMILY ROOM

We now see that Dale is talking on his cell phone and wasn’t listening to Nancy. He is sitting on a chair watching TV.

DALE

Well of course I do. Everyone knows that Jimmy Hoffa faked his own death. Hmmm, living with Jack Ruby you say…now that I didn’t know.

INTERIOR GRIBBLES HOUSE BEDROOM

Joseph enters the bedroom.

JOSEPH

Mom, hey are you alright.

NANCY

I'm fine, what is it shug.

JOSEPH

Well we're having this bake sale at school; it's to raise money for all the money the car wash fund raiser lost. Anyways you need to bring something into to sell.

NANCY

What do I look like, some old hag who sits around the house all day barefoot baking pies and cookies!?

Joseph looks shocked.

NANCY

I'm sorry shug. When's the bake sale?

JOSPEH

It’s in two days, I think.

NANCY

Alright.

INTERIROR GRIBBLES HOUSE FAMILY ROOM

DALE

Wow, and JFK is living in Miami. Now that’s interesting. I heard New Jersey.

-CUT-

INTERIOR PIE IN THE SKY RESTAURANT

Hank and Dr. Morley are sitting at a booth discussing propane, Hank is very uncomfortable.

DR. MORLEY

I've got to admit it Hank, I didn’t think you'd show.

HANK

Yeah, well I hope this goes to prove the lengths that Strickland Propane is willing to go to in order to satisfy our customers.

The waiter approches.

WAITER

And what can I get for you gentleman?

DR. MORLEY

I'll have the "Rooten Tooten Raspberry" with a "White Chocolate Mocha" - Skim milk.

HANK

Oh god.

WAITER

(to Hank) And for you sir?

HANK

I’ll have a slice of Cherry Pie, and cup of coffee.

WAITER

Would that be the "Fru Fru Cherry" or the "Cherries on Parade"?

HANK

Cherry Pie and a cup of coffee!

WAITER

Do you want the Brazilian Nut Blend or the Montreal Express

Blend?

HANK

(Getting agitated) Maybe I'm not making my self clear. I want to order a slice of cherry pie and cup of coffee just like all the other times I've come to this place and ordered a slice of cherry pie and cup of coffee! Why is that so god dang difficult!?

WAITER

You mean Pie in the Sky?

HANK

I mean Molly's.

Dr. Morley begins to feel that Hank is about to lose it like that last time.

WAITER

Sir, this is not Molly’s anymore.

HANK

I know. Because if I was at Molly's I wouldn’t have to use so many words to describe a simple thing like of homemade cherry pie and a cup of coffee.

WAITER

But all of our pies ARE homemade.

HANK

Now you take that back!

Hank looks over at Dr. Morley; he realizes what he has to do.

HANK

What I meant to say was, I'll have the Cherries Parade Pie, with the Brazilian coffee or whatever.

DR. MORLEY

Wow Hank, that old place must have really mean a lot to you.

HANK

It sure did. You see, Molly's was one of the things that made this town great; it was a place where you could go and get honest homemade food from good honest people.

And that's what you'll get from Strickland. Honest people, selling an honest product. So what do you say doctor, are you ready to join the Strickland team.

Dr. Morley is pondering Hank's offer. Fade to five minutes later.

The waiter comes to the table and brings the food. In front of Hank he puts a large platter with an outlandish looking dessert. It has sparklers in it.

DR. MORLEY

Well Hank, I've liked everything you've said, but I'm still not convinced. Tell you what, if you can finish that… well, whatever it is, and keep it down, then we got a deal.

Hank begins to freak out by looking around and seeing all the crazy desserts at other tables, and waiters singing songs and things. Hank begins to go for his dessert, but then the waiter comes by and lights the sparklers.

WAITER

Now you're all set.

Hank is still freaking out and everything begins to look distorted to him.

DR. MORLEY

Go ahead Hank, have a slice! HA HA!

Hank is freaked out.

-FADE OUT-

Act III

INTERIOR PIE IN THE SKY RESTAURANT

Hank and Dr. Morley are still sitting in the booth with their desserts.

Hank finally takes a bite of his pie.

HANK

(Sarcastic) Yum? That's good pie.

DR. MORLEY

(After taking a bite of his) Well this isn’t very good.

HANK

What?

DR. MORLEY

It's all syrupy, and these are frozen raspberries.

HANK

Well I sure am sorry doctor; I hope you won't think that this represents Arlen in anyway.

DR. MORLEY

Well I gotta be honest with you Hank. When I came here I envisioned a small town with small town businesses and small town people.

Hank looks very disappointed.

DR. MORLEY

People like you Hank. People who believe that some things you should just leave alone and let em be.

HANK

Thank you sir.

DR. MORELY

Well I tell you what, I can't say this is a place I'll be taking my family, but I would be proud to buy my propane from Hank Hill at Strickland Propane.

Hank smiles.

-CUT-

INTERIROR GROCERY STORE

Nancy is shopping for the bake sale. She is looking at her grandma's old recipes for pie, and she approches a store clerk.

NANCY

Excuse me, what do you have to make pie crusts with? This old recipe calls for lard and that just sounds disgusting.

STORE CLERK

Well we have some already made pie crusts, and over in frozen food we have some ready made frozen pies, but they don't taste very good. If I were you I would just go with the lard, nothing tastes as good as a homemade pie made with good old fashioned lard.

Tracy approches the store clerk.

TRACEY

Oh thank god! Where can I find Perrier water? All I can seem to find in this place is Dasani?

STORE CLERK

We don’t carry Perrier in this store ma'am, sorry.

TRACY

Great, so I've got a big shot record company exec' coming over and what am I suppose to say? Sorry all I have is tap water? I might as well dig a hole.

STORE CLERK

Well maybe you should.

Store clerk walks away. Tracey notices Nancy.

TRACEY

Oh…Nancy Gribble right?

NANCY

Hello.

TRACEY

Can you believe this place? First I had to drive 25 miles to get E85 Fuel for my Hybrid, and now this. I'm surprised you people still don’t ride around on horseback.

NANCY

You know Tracy, even though Arlen is a small town, that doesn’t mean that we are all boring hicks. Lots of exciting things happen here.

TRACY

I guess. So what are you shopping for?

NANCY

(Embarrassed) A bake sale for my son's school.

TRACY

Well, you have fun with that.

Tracy walks away. Nancy has a mad look on her face.

-CUT-

INTERIOR HILL'S HOUSE - BEDROOM

Hank and Peggy are getting ready for bed.

PEGGY

So Hank, how was work today?

HANK

Well, I closed that new account.

PEGGY

You did, oh that's great.

HANK

Yeah, Dr. Morley from the Arlen Medical Center, nice guy, except he made me take him to that Pie in the Sky place.

PEGGY

Oh really, how was it, as I have never been.

HANK

Peggy, it was awful. We both thought so. And you know what the saddest thing is? Now Dr. Morley thinks that's the best Arlen has to offer. It's not right.

PEGGY

Well, just be glad that you tired the new pie place and you now know that you did not like it. I forgive you Hank.

HANK

Forgive me for what?

PEGGY

Well, for going to the new pie place even though you said you wouldn’t. I know you were just curious.

HANK

I was not, it was for work.

PEGGY

Ok, let's just both agree that if either of us had gone to the new pie place after promising we wouldn’t, that we would forgive each other and move on, no matter how good the pie was.

HANK

But the pie wasn’t good, it was terrible.

PEGGY

Well I would not know. Good night.

Hank has a confused look on his face.

-FADE OUT-

INTERIOR GRIBBLES HOUSE - KITCHEN

The kitchen is a mess as Nancy has been baking all day. She has been drinking too, and is singing to herself. She is depressed and a little drunk.

EXTERIOR ALLEY

Hank, Dale, Bill and Boomhauer are drinking beer. Dale is again eating a piece of pie.

DALE

Man this is so good.

BILL

Dale, I hate you.

HANK

Dang it Dale, how could go back to that place and get more of that awful pie!

DALE

Gentleman, I am now the luckiest man in the world. Not only do I have a smoking hot wife, I now have a smoking hot wife who for some reason has begun to bake desserts at an alarming rate.

BILL

What kind is that?

DALE

Blueberry pie.

BILL

I must have some.

DALE

Don’t do it Bill.

HANK

You mean Nancy made the pie?

Bill tries to grab the pie from Dale, they begin to fight. The pie splatters on Hanks shirt. Hank wipes it off with his finger and than tastes it.

HANK

Mmmm…

Dale and Bill continue to fight.

-FADE OUT-

EXTERIOR TOM LANDRY MIDDLE SCHOOL BAKE SALE - STAGE

Tables are set up and people are selling their baked goods. John Redcorn is the entertainment.

JOHN REDCORN

(Singing one of his songs to the kids)

TRACY

Great set Johnny! I know this gig sucks but it’s our demographic. I just hope we move enough merchandise to cover our expenses.

PRINCIPAL MOSS

Ok, well here's your check. But I was just wondering if you could go meet with some of our more "inside students". Some of them have pretty bad allergies, so we keep them inside as much as we can, for insurance reasons.

TRACY

Well we'd love too, but we have to get Johnny to a very important meeting with his publicist.

PRINCIPAL MOSS

Well ok, I understand.

JOHN REDCORN

No wait, I'm sure we take just a few minutes.

TRACY

Honey, we are on a very tight schedule.

PRINICPAL MOSS

Ok, maybe we could just get an autograph or two.

TRACY

Autographs are five dollars, and Johnny can only sign items from his merchandise table.

PRINICPAL MOSS

Ok then. Thanks anyway.

Principal Moss walks away.

JOHN REDCORN

Tracy, I'm not sure I like where this is going.

TRACY

Oh come on Johnny, it's just a couple of sick kids. You want to be a big star don't you?

JOHN REDCORN

Of course I do, I know, but…

TRACY

No buts Johnny, lets go.

EXTERIOR TOM LANDRY MIDDLE SCHOOL BAKE SALE - TABLE AREA

Peggy and Nancy have two tables next to each other. Peggy is selling her apple brown betty while Nancy is selling some blueberry pies.

PEGGY

Step right up and get Peggy Hill's Apple Brown Betty, or as I like to call them, Apple Brown Peggy. (laughs)

Bobby and Joseph come running up.

BOBBY

Mom, can I get some more money.

PEGGY

Bobby Hill, now what did you do with the five dollars I already gave you?

BOBBY

Oh, I bought a set of Redcorn Slap Bracelets, (shows the slap bracelets on his arm) but Dooley's mom is making fried Twinkies, and they're only a dollar each! Please mom!

JOSEPH

(To Peggy) Please mom! Oh I mean, (To Nancy) please mom!

Peggy and Nancy give the boys some money. Time elapse to end of bake sale. Peggy has sold most of her Apple Brown Betty, Nancy still has a lot of pies left.

PEGGY

Another year, another Peggy Hill success. I would have sold all of it if it had not been for Mrs. Soto. I mean what kind of freak puts applesauce in a bundt cake.

NANCY

Yeah well at least you sold something. What am I going to do with a dozen blueberry pies?

PEGGY

Now Nancy do not feel bad about yourself. So you're not a great baker, so what. You are still a great wonderful mother and wife.

Nancy notices John Redcorn leaving with Tracey. She walks over.

NANCY

Hi John Redcorn.

JOHN REDCORN

Nancy.

NANCY

Well, I enjoyed your show.

JOHN REDCORN

Thank you.

NANCY

Well do you have a minute or do you have to go?

Tracy yells from the car.

TRACY (V.O.)

Let's Go Johnny!

JOHN REDCORN

I think I have to go.

NANCY

Ok, well here I baked you a pie. It's blueberry.

Nancy gives John Redcorn a pie.

JOHN REDCORN

Thank you. And Nancy…

*Tracy honks the horn.*

JOHN REDCORN

Well, good bye.

NANCY

Bye.

Nancy watches him drive away. She also notices all of the other "ordinary" moms at the bake sale. And Bill is there too, and has eaten way too much.

-FADE OUT-

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE - HANK'S OFFICE

Hank is calling Dr. Morley at his office.

HANK

Hello, Dr. Morley.

INTERIROR DR. MORELY'S OFFICE

DR. MORLEY

Hank, how are you? We got the propane delivery today, right on time and I couldn’t be happier.

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE - HANK'S OFFICE

HANK

Well I sure am glad to hear that Doctor, but I was wondering if you were free this afternoon to go grab a slice of pie?

INTERIROR DR. MORELY'S OFFICE

DR. MORLEY

Hank, now you don’t have to prove yourself to me any more.

INTERIOR STRICKLAND PROPANE - HANK'S OFFICE

HANK

I know, and I'm not. Just trust me. Ok, three o'clock it is.

Hank hangs up and calls up the Gribbles house.

*Ring, Ring*.

EXTERIOR GRIBBLE'S HOUSE - HOT TUB

Dale and Nancy are sitting in the hot tub in the backyard; they cannot hear the phone ringing in the house.

HANK

(Calling Gribbles House) Dang it no answer.

(Hank thinks about it and then remembers Dale's cell phone. He pulls out a sheet of paper form his wallet that says “Dale’s Cell Phone #.) Dale its Hank. Hank Hill. Hey does Nancy have any of those pies left?

-CUT-

INTERIOR GRIBBLES KITCHEN

Hank and Dr. Morley are sitting at the table eating Nancy's pie.

DR. MORLEY

Now this is great pie. This is exactly what I was looking for, small town people, and small town flavors.

HANK

Well I'll tell you what, there are some things in this world that are fine just the way they are, and don’t need to be changed. Even if everything else is.

DR. MORLEY

You said it friend.

HANK

Yep.

DR. MORLEY

May I Hank…

Hank nods.

DR. MORLEY

Yep… man that feels good.

Nancy is sitting on her bed in the other room listening to their conversation. She smiles. She has her box of pictures out and looks at one of her and John Redcorn from when they were younger. Then she looks at one of her and John Redcorn that is more recent. She then puts the pictures back in the box and puts the box of pictures under bed. As she puts the box away she notices another box, and opens it. In it are love letters from Dale, and Mother's Day presents from Joseph. She smiles and puts the box back underneath the bed. She then turns and looks out the window and see's Rainy Street buzzing with families and friends spending time together and having fun.

Nancy

Yep.

-FADE OUT-

THE END

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