A MARINE’S GUIDE TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS.

[Pages:30]A MARINE'S GUIDE TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS.

YOU HAVE TRAINED TO DEFEND YOUR COUNTRY, BUT CAN YOU DEFEND YOUR HOME?

TABLE OF CONTENTS

SECTION 1: INTRO

FOLLOW THE STEPS TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS

SECTION 2: ADMINISTRATIVE

CHAPEL RESERVATION CHAPLAIN RESERVATION MARRIAGE LICENSE

SECTION 3: MARRIAGE COUNSELING RESOURCES

JOINING THE 15% PREP CREDO COUNSELING IN TOWN COUNSELING WITH YOUR CHAPLAIN

SECTION 4: FINANCIAL COUNSELING

SECTION 5: RELIGIOUS PREPARATION

CATHOLIC PROTESTANT OTHER

SECTION 6: RECOMMENDED READING

POPULAR BOOKS AND REVIEWS ON MARRIAGE

SECTION 7: KNOW YOUR PARTNER

TOP 10 WAYS TO MAKE A MILITARY MARRIAGE WORK QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU SAY "I DO"

SECTION 8: ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

pg. 3

pg. 5 pg. 6 pg. 7

pg. 16 pg. 17 pg. 19 pg. 20 pg. 21 pg. 22

pg. 23 pg. 24 pg. 25

pg. 25

pg. 26 pg. 28 pg. 30

2|Page

SECTION 1: INTRO

FOLLOW THE STEPS TO MARRIAGE

What an exciting time this must be for you and your spouse or spouse to be. The purpose of this packet is to be a resource to both of you as you embark on this great adventure. This resource is not mandated, you will not be held accountable by your command, or humiliated in front of your fellow marines if you do not complete this marriage guide. However, statistics show that the first enlistment marriage failure rate is 85%. The degree to which you invest in your marriage will be the degree to which it succeeds or fails. If you choose to put no effort into making your marriage a success then you are preparing to join the 85%. If you follow the steps outlined in this packet then you will be prepared to handle the majority of dangers and road blocks that are contributing to that disheartening statistic. As a marine you have a whole host of resources at your disposal and it's all free to you! All you have to do is do the work. The choice is yours. If your desire is to join the 15% then proceed to step 1.

STEP 1: The first recommendation for marriage preparation is to seek premarital counseling. There are many options aboard Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton. My recommendation is that you pick two resources from section 3: marriage counseling resources from this packet, and not just any 2. Of the first 3 resources (Joining the 15%, PREP, and CREDO) pick one. These resources will help you work through common overarching struggles in marriage. They are designed to give you basic skills in maintaining a healthy relationship. Also, I would recommend that you pick one of the last two options (counseling in town, or with your chaplain). This aspect of premarital counseling will get more in depth, and help you deal with your specific issues (everyone has some psychosis so don't be too self conscious about dealing with yours). Maybe you struggle with trusting your future spouse, or you handle relational conflict in an unhealthy way. These sessions will give you an opportunity to address these issues, and keep them from tearing up your relationship. Again, these resources are free so take advantage. Civilians pay allot of money for these types of services.

STEP 2: Get Financial counseling. Money is one of the biggest contributors to divorce. If you do not have a united plan for how to spend your money then your marriage will suffer. There are plenty of options for financial planning and budgeting on base so proceed to section 4: Financial Counseling and pick out a class or two that appeals to you. Again, these services are free so take advantage of them.

STEP 3: Follow the requirements for your religious tradition to prepare for marriage. Section 5: Religious Preparation has some resources that are available on base for specific religious traditions. This is a critical step if you and your spouse are religious. Especially if you are

3|Page

Catholic, marriage preparation can be a sticky spot. I have heard of Marines and spouses being denied communion at Catholic Mass because they got married out in town and not through the church. Make sure you know what your tradition requires. If you do not know, then ask you chaplain. If you and your spouse are not religious you can skip this step. STEP 4: Go to section 6: Recommended Readings and pick out a book that both you and your spouse (to be) might enjoy and read it together. You can find these books online. If you don't want to spend allot of money you can find them used at . STEP 5: go to section 7: Know Your Partner and review how to make a military marriage work and discuss the questions before you say "I do" with your spouse (to be). STEP 6: If you and your spouse (to be) are still on talking terms after steps 1-5 then proceed to section 2: Administrative in the marriage user's guide to reserve a base chapel, reserve your chaplain, and get your marriage license. You and your spouse are stubborn enough that you just might make marriage work.

4|Page

SECTION 2: ADMINISTRATIVE

RESERVE A CHAPEL Make the day memorable by hosting your event in a chapel on Camp Pendleton.

There are many different occasions to reserve a chapel:

* Weddings * Marriage Vow Renewals

* Memorial Services * Baptisms

HOW DO YOU MAKE A REQUEST?: Call the Religious Development Center at (760) 725-4700. Due to limited availability, make your

wedding reservation for a chapel at least 60 days prior to the event.

5|Page

RESERVE A CHAPLAIN

To reserve a base Chaplain for your wedding call your MCAS or MAG Chaplain to reserve your wedding date. If neither chaplain is available you can submit a chaplain request form to the RDC (Religious Development Center) and they will submit your request to all of the base chaplains. As a fair warning, most chaplains require that you have engaged in some form of premarital counseling before they will agree to officiate your wedding. Some may even require that you be counseled by them. It never hurts to ask.

MCAS Chaplain: MAG Chaplain RDC

(760) 763-8987 (760) 725-8180 (760) 725-4700

6|Page

CALIFORNIA MARRIAGE LICENSE, REGISTRATION AND CEREMONY INFORMATION

Welcome to the State of California, Department of Public Health's web page. This web page will give you general information regarding the requirements for the issuance and registration of public and confidential marriage licenses in California, as well as answer many frequently asked questions regarding the laws pertaining to marriage licenses and ceremonies in California. For further information, please contact the County Clerk/Recorder's Office in the county where you will be applying for the marriage license, or performing the marriage ceremony. Information regarding contacting the County Clerk/Recorder may be obtained by clicking the following link:

The registration of public and confidential marriages in California is a local and state function. The California Family Code provides for a continuous and permanent marriage registration system. The system depends upon the conscientious efforts of local officials, clergymen, and other officiants in preparing the original records and in certifying the information on these records.

"Laws are mutually accepted rules by which, together, we maintain a free society. Liberty itself is built on a foundation of law. That foundation provides an orderly process for changing laws. It also depends on our obeying laws once they have been freely adopted."1

COUNTY CLERK The County Clerk issues public and confidential marriage licenses. The County Clerk is the local registrar of confidential marriages (Family Code, Section 511). The County Clerk maintains a permanent index of all confidential marriages registered.

MARRIAGE OFFICIANT

The marriage officiant, e.g., clergyperson or authorized individual, who performs the marriage ceremony, is required by law to complete the marriage license and return it to the County Recorder's office within 10 days of the event for registration. For confidential marriages, the marriage license is returned to the County Clerk's office for registration.

1

1985 by Freedoms Foundations at Valley Forge.

7|Page

COUNTY RECORDER The County Recorder is the local registrar of public marriages (which includes declared and non-clergy marriages) under the direction of the State Registrar (Health and Safety Code, Sections 102285 and 102295).

The local official is required to see that a complete and acceptable certificate is filed for each marriage, and that each entry on the certificate is clear and unambigous. Once reviewed for proper completion, the local official collects the certificates of marriage filed and transmits them to the state office on a monthly basis (Health and Safety Code, Section 102355).

An important function of the local registrar of marriages is to produce an index of marriages registered in his/her jurisdiction (Government Code, Section 27252).

GENERAL INFORMATION:

You do not need to be a California resident to marry in California.

To marry in California, the two parties to the marriage may not be already married.

Marriage by proxy is NOT allowed in California. Family Code, Section 420(a) requires the two parties, marriage officiant, and witness if applicable, be physically present together in the same location for the marriage to be performed.

Blood tests are NOT required to obtain a marriage license in California.

Both parties must appear in person and bring valid picture identification to the County Clerk's Office to apply for a marriage license in California. Valid picture identification is one that contains a photograph, date of birth, and an issue and expiration date, such as a state issued identification card, driver's license, passport, military identification, etc. Some counties may also require a copy of your birth certificate.

If you have been married or in a State Registered Domestic Partnership (SRDP), you will need to know the specific date your last marriage or SRDP ended, and how it ended (Death, Dissolution, Divorce or Nullity). Some counties may require a copy of the final judgment if your previous marriage or SRDP ended by dissolution or nullity. An RDP need not be dissolved prior to the

8|Page

 ................
................

In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.

Google Online Preview   Download