WORLDWIDE MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER - Passivation



WORLDWIDE MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER

WORLD COUNCIL DOCUMENTS

12. LEADERSHIP TRANSMISSION PROCESS

Introduction

Our experience in Marriage Encounter leadership at several levels has demonstrated the need for a proper transmission of leadership to new leaders from an outgoing team. We have also received many requests at all levels for a transmission process which is thorough, lifegiving, nurturing, accountable and useable by all levels of leadership.

There are many good reasons for the use of a structured process of handing on leadership which guarantees the formation of both the outgoing leaders and the incoming leaders and which also ensures the transmission of key knowledge, vision, values and history in a way which is faithful to the charism and tradition of Marriage Encounter. Some of the specific reasons for the use of such a process are:

1. The need for the incoming leadership team to be formed as an ecclesial team, especially if the couple and priest have not previously worked with each other.

2. The need for the faithful and reliable handing over of files, documents, archive material, information and data pertaining to administration.

3. The need to give additional information and attitudes which may not be written and which might be of a personal nature and require understanding rather than chronicling.

4. Outgoing teams need to process their separation from a role to which they have been deeply committed emotionally and the transition to a new and different role in which they are able to support the new leaders as invited.

5. Leadership at whatever level has accumulated experience and has been exposed to enrichment which needs to be put to the service of the movement in a variety of ways and levels. This is a precious resource which can continue to be a gift to the movement.

6. We have often seen good, generous leaders in Marriage Encounter, leave at the end of their term of office in a spirit of disillusionment, in disagreement with their successors, experiencing difficulty with the consequences of decisions made while they were in leadership, criticism or inappropriate expectations placed on them by themselves or others.

7. There can be a grieving of the loss of quite deep relationships made at another level which incoming leaders may not yet have experienced and to which they may not be sensitive.

For these reasons we believe that the care of leaders in this transition time, either into leadership or out of it, requires much prayer, support and sensitivity, both on the part of leaders and of those who call them into leadership. If this is provided, the vision and mission of Marriage Encounter are more likely to be faithfully transmitted.

The primary purpose of a transmission process such as this is to establish a relationship of trust and confidence between the outgoing and incoming teams which will facilitate the faithful handing over of the vision, history and information necessary for the incoming team to serve effectively according to their gifts.

There should be three steps in this process:

1. Establishing an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect through a common vision.

2. Sharing of experience.

3. Communicating necessary information.

Under normal circumstances, the process requires the teams concerned to spend a significant period of time, ideally a weekend, living this experience together. In addition to allocating time for a lifegiving transmission process, funds must be committed to allow this to happen. We believe that only with such an allocation of time and funds can the transmission of leadership be fully guaranteed.

Liam & Sue Davison and Fr Bill Challenor

April 1995

FRIDAY NIGHT

“Something which has existed since the beginning,

which we have heard,

which we have seen with our own eyes,

which we have watched

and touched with our own hands,

the Word of life –

this is our theme.

That life was made visible;

we saw it and are giving our testimony,

declaring to you the eternal life,

which was present to the Father

and has been revealed to us.

We are declaring to you

what we have seen and heard,

so that you too may share our life.

Our life is shared with the Father

and with his Son Jesus Christ.

We are writing this to you so that our joy may be complete.

1 JN 1:1-4

The Word of life has been given to us through the experience of the weekend and through sharing in the ongoing life of the Marriage Encounter community. As we enter this transmissions process, may we continue to be open to the life of Jesus through the power of his Spirit and so be impelled to share this life with those coming after us in leadership. If our term of office has been an experience of the Good News for us, we will have been empowered to hand on that which we have received. Only then will our joy be complete.

Teams to share their response to this reading and spend some time in prayer together for the successful outcome of the process.

SATURDAY

Working Time to Reflect and Share on Aspects of Leadership

Here follow some important aspects of leadership with appropriate scriptural references.

▪ Presenting team read the scripture passage, then the comment which follows. Then give the question.

▪ There follows personal reflection time (10 minutes)

▪ Then each person shares with the group something significant from your personal reflection.

Leadership is Being Chosen

Jn 15.16 “You did not choose me, no, I choose you; and I commissioned you to go out and bear fruit...”

The movement has discerned you as leaders through nomination and selection. In this discernment God has called you. Being called empowers us to respond to that call. It is not an empty call, it is an empowering call.

Question: How did you hear the call? What does being chosen mean to you? How do you see yourselves as being empowered?

Leadership is Unsought

Is 6.8-9 True prophets do not seek office. But when chosen, they accept. This is a sign of their authenticity.

Question: As you know assume leadership, what are your feelings?

Leadership is Spirit – empowered

Eph 3.14-21 Leaders are empowered by the Spirit.

Question: In what ways has your previous experience of leadership been an experience of being empowered by the Spirit? In what ways are you open to the Spirit empowering you as you take up this new role?

Leadership is Service

Jn 13.1-15 The “sacrament of leadership” of the Last Supper. Jesus takes a towel and washes the feet of his disciples.

Jn 21.15-17 “Do you love me? Feed my sheep”.

Lk 22.24-27 “Yet here am I among you as one who serves”.

Question: Are you ready to lead through serving? What will this call you to be and to do?

Leadership finds its strength in the affirmation of others

Phil.1.3-9 Paul prays for the community and affirms them. It is impossible to be a leader without a mutually respectful and committed relationship between the leader and the followers. The willingness of the followers to follow empowers the leaders. There is a responsibility on the part of the calling community to support the leaders. The leaders for their part are obliged to listen to the community they are leading and always recognize the value and dignity of each one in the community. Leaders will inevitably make decisions which are unpopular with some but with each decision there must be careful listening and consultation with the community and prayerful discernment.

Question: How will you encourage a relationship between leaders and followers which is characterized by mutual respect and listening during your term of office?

Coffee Break

Leadership is immersed in the community

Leaders need to be immersed in the life of their local community, involved at the “grass-roots” and in touch with the weekend experience.

Question: What is your ongoing contact with a local community? How will you ensure that contact with a local community will continue to nourish you during your term of leadership?

Leadership preserves unity and gives life to the community

Eph 4.1-6: Leaders must always strive to maintain unity within the movement, both in terms of maintaining and nurturing a common life and in terms of resolving conflict through negotiation and reconciliation. Unity can only come from within. It can never be imposed from outside. Is unity possible without shared vision, trust and belief in the goodness of the other?

Question: How will you ensure unity at all levels in the worldwide (secretariat, national, district, etc.) family? How will you address difficulties, disagreements and conflict?

Leadership calls for detachment and refocusing

Leadership challenges us to refocus. We are called to let go of the other role, the previous role of service with the vision and span of interest appropriate to it. We need to set aside some of the interests and enthusiasms we may have for the duration of our term of office and adjust our focus to the demands of the new role.

Our focus is to be on those being served in the new role, e.g. the Council, a secretariat, country, region, district, etc. as appropriate.

We are also called to embrace fully the charism and specific spirituality of Worldwide Marriage Encounter. This is not to make judgments about any other movements, spiritual practices or groups but rather to focus specifically on this present call to serve the family of Worldwide Marriage Encounter.

Question: Identify those enthusiasms and preferences which might distract you from the core values and charism of Worldwide Marriage Encounter during your term of office?

Leadership in Marriage Encounter is based on Spousal Relationship

All leadership roles in Marriage Encounter are based on “right relationship”. Leaders have a responsibility to care for and nourish their spousal relationship which is at the core of all leadership in the movement. This is their primary responsibility. If the spousal relationship is intimate and responsible (for both couple and priest) this will nourish the ecclesial team relationship. This will flow on to what they do and how they do it with their people. This makes leadership life – giving.

One of the dangers of leadership is that the expectations of others may put us under pressure and this may impact on our relationship.

Question: Are you aware that the pressures and demands of leadership can impact on your spousal relationship? How will your leadership reflect your spousal relationship? How do I react to the expectations of others?

Concluding prayer

Lunch

Sharing our Story

The purpose of this section is not only for the teams to share something of their journey in Marriage Encounter but also to build and deepen trust and confidence in each other.

Each team to take team time to prepare responses to the following; Each team to share in turn.

Outgoing team share on:

▪ Brief history of their involvement in M. E.

▪ Gifts we brought to the role we are handing on Gifts we received in leadership.

▪ Joys we have experienced.

▪ What has been the personal cost for us? (eg time, family, parish, community, work, leisure).

▪ There are also things like the expectations of others, criticism, unmet goals.

▪ Gifts we may offer to M. E. in other roles and plans for future involvement. What motivated me/us while in leadership?

▪ Did I find myself seeking to meet needs in the role?

▪ Negative effects on me/us/team?

▪ How did I address that?

▪ What would we do differently if we were in this leadership role again?

▪ Gifts we see in incoming team.

Incoming team share on:

▪ Brief history of their involvement in M. E.

▪ Gifts we bring to leadership.

▪ Dreams we have for our term of office.

▪ What we think we will have to give up for the sake of this position (time, other pursuits, etc.)?

▪ How might my behavior pattern affect my leadership? (self/spousal/ecclesial team/those being led)

▪ The style of leadership we would like to embrace.

▪ Where do we go now for personal support and affirmation? Will they be available to us in this new role?

▪ Discuss and clarify what I understand by leadership/power/authority in relation to new role as leaders.

▪ You have been called to leadership in the context of the needs identified during the selection process. What would you like to have addressed by the end of your term of office?

▪ Gifts we see in the outgoing team.

Coffee Break

10/10 on the following question:

Outgoing team: “How do I feel right now about leaving leadership?”

Incoming team: “How do I feel about our term in leadership right now?”

After spousal dialogue and ecclesial team sharing, both teams share their responses to this dialogue.

Eucharist

Theme of thanksgiving, affirmation, commitment, commissioning as appropriate and as prepared by participating teams.

SUNDAY

Matters For Discussion And Comment

Before the transmission process is held, the outgoing team will give a report for their district/country/secretariat etc., based on the four pillars – weekend, teams, structure and community.

They may wish to use the following headings as a focus for this report:

Basic information about the community.

1. Specific joys – What has been going well?

2. Sadness’ – What difficulties have been experienced?

3. Where there may need to be help or support given.

4. Any other issues and concerns that the outgoing leaders may have.

Other matters to be included may be things such as:

▪ Finance.

▪ Formation needs.

▪ What is happening in the four pillars (if not already covered).

▪ Documents – especially minutes of meetings, correspondence and Outlines Archives.

▪ Directories.

▪ Conduct of meetings (including aspects such as chairing, decision making, use of team time, etc.), frequency, location, arrangements and hosting needs.

▪ Visitation (not only do the leaders experience the local community. Local communities are drawn into a sense of unity with other communities through the presence of leaders)

▪ Relationship of incoming and outgoing teams.

Outgoing team – the call to let go but be available for support, information, etc. – letting go but not abandoning.

Incoming team – the call to lead in their own way but value the wisdom and experience of the outgoing team and seek their assistance if necessary.

Team Sharing: Each share on the most endearing qualities of the three persons on the other team.

Closing Eucharist

The two teams to plan a liturgical celebration of the handover. See appendices for material to use. The commissioning of the incoming team to be part of this Eucharist. See Appendix 2.

Appendix 1

Old Wood

There is something inside us

which wants to pay homage to things spent,

whether they be bones of animals or trees,

old ruins, or even last year’s calendar.

To touch a relic of the past

is to feel the chain of life unbroken,

what was flowing into what is and what will be

in a continuous movement, forward and up.

I know that I am in error

if I ignore the present

in my dream for the future,

or if I try to reverse the flow

and live for yesterday.

And yet, I am this strange mixture

of hope and nostalgia,

investing in time unborn,

clinging to days that are dead,

often missing out on what is.

Dear Lord, give me the grace

to hold the past lightly

and to lay no claim to the future.

May my reverence for old wood

and my eagerness for new seasons,

enrich this present time of growth

and find their rightful place

in the greenness of now.

From:

Aotearoa Psalms

Prayers of a New People

Joy Cowley & Terry Coles

Appendix 2 – Prayer For Transmission/Commissioning

Lord, you have never waited for us to become perfect before showing us the measure of your love or commissioning us to serve you in our world.

We dare to believe that you are always calling us to a new venture, pointing us to new horizons in service and that you will never cease to call us beyond the present moment.

This is a task, Lord, we cannot do alone. We need you as our guide and we need the love of each other.

On this occasion, therefore, we claim the privilege of committing ourselves anew to your service as we take up this new leadership role or relinquish it.

We commit ourselves to intimacy in relationship and generosity in service so as to bring fresh life to the whole Marriage Encounter family.

Help us to love our world as you love it, to bring peace and friendship into our work with others and courage into our plans and policies for the future. Help us above all to bring freshness to Marriage Encounter and adventure into our Church.

Help us to accept disappointment and frustration, opposition and rejection, and not lose heart.

Create in us a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within us. Stir into a flame the gifts you have given us and the faith to use them without reserve.

Give us the freedom, as your disciples, to move into the unknown and the untried, to see the opportunities of the new day, and to serve our present age with compassion, imagination and courage.

Lord, continue to be with us until we have done our part in building your Kingdom through the work of this movement of Marriage Encounter and until we share completely in your joy.

Amen.

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