Arranged Marriage in the UK



Arranged Marriage in the UK

Due to its ____1_____ (increase) multi-cultural nature, Britain has __________ a rise in arranged marriages. Although they are often portrayed in a ____2_____ (whole) negative light, statistics show that divorce __________ are lower for arranged marriages than for »love marriages«.

Although other ethnic groups use arranged marriages, they occur in Britain ____3_____ (predominant) within the Asian community. An arranged marriage is one __________ parents arrange for their children to marry, rather _________ the child finding his own partner ( a love marriage). The degree of contact between the ____4_____ (prospect) spouses varies – sometimes the two ___________ never met or even seen each other, but more often today they have a series of meetings over a ___________of time, often several months.

MARRIAGE IN A MULTI-CULTURAL BRITAIN

Arranged marriages are more or _________ unheard of between white Britons. The norm for them, as in Western society in general, is ___________ find their own partner. D___________ high divorce rates in ________ West, marriage is still undertaken as a ____5_____ (commit) for the ___________ of your life – choosing to marry is one of the most important ____6_____ (decide) you will _________ make. Marrying someone you ____7_____ (hard) know and are not in love __________ is an alien concept to most westerns, but __________ people with their origins in the Indian sub-continent, an arranged marriage is often the only ____8_____ (accept) form of marriage.

Love marriages may _________seen as ____9_____ (drive) by superficial motives such _________ lust. Young ____10_____ (Asia) in Britain today find themselves torn _____________ these two diverse views of marriage, to one of their parents, and the one of the society they _____________ grown up in.

FORCED MARRIAGE

Also, there is another issue which has ____11_____ (dark) the arranged marriage debate – that of forced marriage. This is when the parents not only arrange the marriage, but also force one or ___________ of the partners to marry __________ their will, using either ____12_____ (emotion) or physical means. Often the parents invite the child on a holiday to their home country – cases in Britain involve people ___________ the Indian ___________-continent, as well as East Asia, The Middle East, Europe and Africa – and then force them to marry _____________ they are there and cannot escape. Forced marriages violate ____13_____ (nation) recognised _______________ rights, and may be ____14_____ (view) as a way of oppressing women, __________ controlling their ____15_____ (behave) and sexuality.

WHY PARENTS FORCE A MARRIAGE

____16_____ (motivate) for parents to force a marriage are complex, but often involve the ____17_____ (preserve) of family honour, desire to ____18_____ (strong) family links, family pressures, and the ____19_____ (prevent) of relationships considered ____20_____ (suit) (often with someone ____________ the caste, ethnic ____________ or religion).

Such parents usually feel they __________ acting in the interests of their family by forcing a marriage, but in doing _________ they can destroy their family. ____________ upon the threat of forced marriage, or after the act, a child may run away and never contact their family again. Those who do ____________ run away often feel isolated, and may become ____21_____ (depress) or even ____22_____ (suicide). Their trust ___________ their family is destroyed, and they will usually resent both their family and their new spouse.

DISADVANTAGES _________ ARRANGED MARRIAGES

»How __________ you tell if you can live with someone ________ the rest of your life after just a _________ select meetings?« says Meena Patel, aged 21. This is the crux of the debate between arranged and ___________ marriages. Living together outside of marriage is now __________ in the West, due to our ____23_____ (reluctant) to marry until we feel we know our partner really, really __________. When people like Meena see their friend's relationships end after several years, no one can blame them for ____24_____ (worry) that ______matter how many __________ they meet a ____25_____ (prospect) husband, if it is with a chaperone and __________only a period of months, it won't prepare them for the day-to-day reality of married life. She says that »today's parents are better about this, and often _______you meet them _______ much as you like, so you can __________ to know them.«But this is ___________ not enough for her – she wants a marriage ____26_____ (base) on love, where she feels she knows her partner better ___________ anyone else, and ____________ been seeing him ____________ several years.

Meena's parents have __________ taken her to meet one prospective husband, _________ she rejected. Her experience highlights the fact that, although arranged marriages are ___________ to ensure the marriage is based ________ more important, long-lasting qualities, the opposite ______ often true. As you ____27_____ (bare) know your prospective spouse, all you _____________ to go on is their looks.

»People get so ______28_____ (stress) about marriage, it ___________ as if marriage is the _______ aim of our lives – especially girls« she says. I think society scares most parents into ____29_____ (arrange) an early marriage. Whenever you go anywhere, people notice you and bear you in __________ as a prospective spouse. When I met this guy – I felt like I was __________ driven off to be sold, as I was ________ to look my best. It makes _______ wonder, would the family _______ rejected me if I wasn't wearing ______ make-up?«

ADVANTAGES OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES

Arranged marriages do have their good points – in the UK they have ________ lower divorce rates than love marriages. But ________ does not ____30_____ (necessary) mean the marriages are all happier than love marriages. In the Asian community __________ is a stigma attached to divorce, and divorcees are often _________ as social outcasts and ____31_____ (fail). Divorce is severely frowned ___________, even with such serious motivations as domestic ____32_____ (violent) – a woman who leaves her abusive husband may ironically be _________ as the one who has brought shame _________ their family. Thus the _______divorce rates _______be the result of many people stuck in unhappy marriages as they feel they _____________ separate, ___________ than many people staying in happy marriages out of ____33_____ (choose).

As Meena points out, with arranged marriages, » the _______ of being left single forever is minimised – there is a certain sense of ____34_____ (secure). Everyone is married off in the end.« It is undeniably difficult _______ meet that special person, and perhaps using your family to ____35_____ (wide) your search can only help. You might spend years waiting to find the _______ person, so maybe your parents can _________ things up.

THE PARENTS

___________ this will work depends partly on the parents' motives – are they just trying to help find a ____36____ (suit) spouse, and prepared to wait ________ they find someone who really is suitable? Or ______ they trying to find a spouse before the ____37_____ (tempt) of sex outside marriage becomes _______ great, or find a spouse from a ____38_____ (respect) Asian ____________, before their child finds a white person to marry _____________?

It seems that in _____________ the most important ____________ in a successful arranged marriage is to have ____39_____ (understand) parents. These parents are acting _______ their child's _______ interests, rather than in the interests of upholding the status of the family. Such a parent would ________their children to get to __________ the potential __________ as much as they felt they needed _______ , and accept that this may take a long time. Like most young British Asians, Meena's __________ to arranged marriage is __________ bottom ambivalent. »I'm not dismissing it – it ___________ work for some people, and indeed there are lots of marriages that _________ made this way and have lasted.« But she says ________ can't accept that she will have an arranged marriage – »It just can't happen to me.«

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