Welcome to WritePoint, the automated review system that ...



Welcome to WritePoint, the automated review system that recognizes errors most commonly made by university students in academic essays. The system embeds comments into your paper and suggests possible changes in grammar and style. Please evaluate each comment carefully to ensure that the suggested change is appropriate for your paper, but remember that your instructor's preferences for style and format prevail. You will also need to review your own citations and references since WritePoint capability in this area is limited. Thank you for using WritePoint.

Elizabeth Short: A Life in Black Shadows

Eric Cannon

Axia College University of Phoenix

Elizabeth Short: A Life in Black Shadows

From those who lust after clues to who [Use who for the subject of a sentence. Example – I wonder who wrote this article. (Who is the subject of the verb wrote.) Use whom for direct objects and after prepositions. (A direct object is a noun [person, place, or thing] or pronoun that receives the action of the verb. A preposition relates the noun to another word in the sentence.) Example – She is the doctor whom you should see. (Whom is the direct object of the verb should see). With whom were you speaking? (Whom is the object of the preposition with.) ] actually [Word choice. Actually is a weak word whose literal meaning is “in point of fact.” Actually can usually be deleted from the sentence with no change in meaning. ] killed President Kennedy to fans who believe Marilyn Monroe was killed by the Mafia or the CIA, people seem to be unable to resist solving a good mystery, especially when it includes equal amounts of beauty and horror. It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] is one of the greatest ironies of life that humans are deeply and equally attracted to beauty and horror with passion and deep fascination. It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] is another irony of life that many hopeful things often end up delivering only black tragedy, like the lure of Hollywood lights that often brings only despair. When beauty, horror, hope, and despair all combine in one person along with an unsolved, even unsolvable, mystery, the draw of this combination is too powerful to resist. The fear of not solving, further, drives people to investigate how it could have occurred. Elizabeth Short has the dubious honor of succeeding at this eerie combination. It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] was likely the only success she ever had in life and she [This is a run-on sentence because there is not a comma before the conjunction. Run-on sentences occur when conjunctions (and/or) and punctuation marks (commas and semicolons) are not used properly. ] only achieved it by dying. The success, however [Use a semicolon between two related complete sentences that are not separated by a conjunction (and/or); Furthermore, a semicolon can be used before a conjunctive adverb (an adverb that functions as a conjunction).] , was so large that it was, and remains, huge and alluring for generation after generation.

The body of Elizabeth Short was discovered at 10:30 AM [Use a.m. for this abbreviation.] by a woman who had taken her three year old [A hyphen is required between these two words. Place a hyphen between two words that act as an adjective. No space appears before or after the hyphen. Example – a well-known play.] daughter out shopping (Elias, 2007). Initially the woman thought someone had discarded a broken mannequin in the vacant lot, but as she walked closer to it she realized it was actually [Unnecessary. Delete actually.] a corpse. One can only hope she never got close [Eliminate colloquial language in academic writing. Colloquial language is informal phrasing that is used when speaking, but it is not acceptable in academic writing. Instead, use received.] enough to see the absolute horror the killer of the 22 year old [Check spelling. Add a hyphen.] woman, who had been nicknamed the “Black Dahlia” before her death, had left in that vacant lot. From a distance it was clear that Elizabeth’s body had been cleanly cut in half, separating her torso from her legs (Beaven, 2007). Up close, however [Insert a semicolon before] , the body and the scene were far more gruesome. Elizabeth’s killer had used a knife to carve lines from the sides of her mouth to her ears, making her face look like a horrible, smiling, mask (Beaven, 2007). It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] was even uglier, however [Insert a semicolon before] , one breast had been half sliced off and, due to the lack of blood in the lot it was evident that she had been tortured and drained of blood in another location, and she [Remove the comma. Only use a comma when two phrases can stand alone on their own. ] had been dissected and left lying on top of her intestines (Beaven, 2007; Hoffman, 2003). There are not enough words to describe how horrible the scene looked and fewer words that could describe how horrid the final hours of Elizabeth Short must have been.

In life she had been a very pretty [Word choice. Pretty is a weak word whose literal meaning is “attractive.” Pretty can usually be deleted from the sentence with no change in meaning, or use a specific adjective for more effective writing. ] woman known for her [Run-on sentence. Place a comma before the conjunction.] beauty, dark, curly hair, blue eyes, and a life full of partying, lack of money, and rather ill repute (Hoffman, 2003). While Short said she went to Hollywood to be an actress there are no indications she ever sought out an agent or attended auditions (Hoffman, 2003). She also left home at 16 and did not arrive in Hollywood until she was 19 (Hoffman, 2003). She actually [Unnecessary. Delete actually.] drifted from her hometown in Massachusetts to Indiana, Chicago, Texas, and Florida, meeting men, seducing some, working little, and charming [Remove the comma.] many out of a place to stay, food, and “loans” (Hoffman, 2003). She had an active fantasy life and often imagined herself as a famous Hollywood star, a model, or a World War II widow (Hoffman, 2003). When the film The Blue Dahlia came out in 1946 a bar friend started calling Elizabeth the "Black Dahlia," probably because of the black, tight, dresses she often wore, and the name stayed with her in life and death since that time (Hoffman, 2003). It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] is doubtful that Elizabeth Short had any real hope left in her by the time she died, she had long been living hand-to-mouth, she had been evicted too many times, and she [Remove the comma.] hung out with dark crowds in Hollywood’s underworld, but her [Remove the comma.] beauty allowed her to be seen as a lovely, young woman who had been touched by a horrible evil (Hoffman, 2003).

So alluring is her murder that in 2007, the 60th anniversary of her murder, Los Angeles celebrated as only a city devoted to business, money, and illusion can: it held a week-long program of events that included tours of the crime scene and a very popular “VIP Package” that was nearly sold out and provided “a chance for people to transport themselves back to the night she was killed and try and make up their own minds on who killed her and why” (Elias, 2007). There have been countless books, movies, and television programs inspired or based on her death and many claim to have solved the mystery of her death. For example, one former Los Angeles Police Officer turned author claims his father, Dr. Hodel, was the actual murderer in his book, Black Dahlia Avenger; in author Max Allan Collins's series, The Memoirs of Nathan Heller, which began in 1983 and continues today, the killer is as yet unnamed; in author James Ellroy’s (Murr, 2003; Hoffman, 2003).

It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] is because of the image created when Elizabeth Short’s beauty in life is juxtaposed against the horror of her torture and murder, as well as [The following element is not a complete sentence, so no comma is required.] the fact that no one yet knows anything about the killer or why and how he killed her that ["Use that for animals, things, and sometimes collective or anonymous people; use which only for animals and things; and use who for people and animals with names.] her murder still haunts Los Angeles and its police department. Since her death it has been the story of Elizabeth Short’s murder, not her life nor who [Run-on sentence. Place a comma before the conjunction.] she was as a person, that has gripped people all over the world. The power of her murder to do this is because it joins beauty with ugliness and mystery. While little is known about her actual life no one seems too interested in discovering who Elizabeth Short was but many are desperately seeking her killer. It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] seems everyone wants to be her hero, no matter how late they arrive to the save her, they [Noun-pronoun agreement problem. Since the noun is singular, the pronoun must be singular. Use "his" or "her" or "its" with a singular noun.] can at least solve the mystery of how a beautiful and very young woman died. This may be what drives the fascination – everyone feels pain when beauty is destroyed and there is a natural drive to fix things that have gone wrong and no one else can fix – like an unsolved murder.

While Elizabeth Short’s murder has gripped people since 1947, this same pattern of fascination with beauty destroyed and a dedication to solving the mystery of who [Word choice - use who and whom correctly] or why has routinely been seen in America. In the summer of 1841 the body of a 20-year-old sales clerk named Mary Cecilia Rogers was found in the Hudson River with a lace cord tied around her neck (Stashower, 2006). The girl had been hired in a cigar shop to attract customers and was said to be so beautiful that poems were written about her and that [Run-on sentence. Place a comma before the conjunction.] men could not stop looking at her (Stashower, 2006). It [It must refer to a specific word in the sentence or the reader can become confused.] was in death, however [Insert a semicolon before] , that she [Remove the comma.] claimed true fame, desire, and passion. Author Edgar Allan Poe said he was pulled into an “intense and long-enduring excitement” while writing a story in which he laid out the many conflicting theories of her case but in which he also claimed to “indicated the assassin,” (Shashower, 2006). Other authors also wrote dozens of books about Mary Cecilia Rogers seeking, just as in the case of Elizabeth Short, to solve the mystery and honor, somehow, the beauty of these young women, made famous by their deaths. More recently the murder of Jon Benet Ramsey gripped America and still has many seeking to find the answer to the question of who [Word choice - use who and whom correctly] would kill such a beautiful child (Roeper, 1997). The murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, as of 1997, had “inspired two trials, 65 books, and thousands of discussion hours on television” (Roeper, 1997). Jack the Ripper has gripped people since the time English prostitutes were first killed in the nineteenth century. People are driven to know the answers.

Something that is beautiful or innocent should not suffer pain. If our society allows those who cause pain or who [Run-on sentence. Place a comma before the conjunction.] kill beauty to live then it puts the rest of us in fear and, in a way, makes us conspirators in the ugliness. As author Jody M. Roy says in her book, Love to Hate: America's Obsession with Hatred and Violence, the knowledge that murderers have lived among us is “like the monster under the bed” and people need to put that monster far from them (Epstein, 2003). Monsters such as those who can torture, split apart, and murder a 22 year old [Check spelling. Add a hyphen.] woman in Los Angeles or a child in Colorado have been called monsters. “Monstrous bodies are the remarkable presences that appear as signs of civic omen, or trauma, and which demand interpretation: they offer a bit of each, apocalypse as well as utopia” (Picart & [In APA style, use an ampersand (&) only in text citations for sources within the document and in References at the end of the essay. Do not use an ampersand (&) to take the place of "and". ] Greek, 2003, 39).

Parents tell children that [Use that or which in place of who. ] there are no monsters under the bed and that [Run-on sentence. Place a comma before the conjunction.] they will take care of them always. However, as children grow up they learn that while there are no real monsters there are killers and other evils which can hurt them. Most people accept this and try their best to avoid these things. However, people know that they are, simply by being alive, at risk to these evils or monsters. When someone young, innocent, pretty [Unnecessary. Delete the word pretty, or replace with a more effective word.] , and seemingly defenseless against such a monster is found and no one can find the monster who did it, people may feel too close to that evil. But, when people investigate these murders they may feel they regain control and power over the monster and over their own lives. “‘Feelings of fear …derive from the conviction of loss of control and the sense of helplessness’ ... When environmental controls are weak, magical solutions for controlling the monstrous are sought” and those magical solutions can include reviews of the evidence, the victim, the crime, and anything [Remove the comma.] that helps provide answers to who [Word choice - use who and whom correctly] the monster is or was. Therefore, the investigation into and fascination with the murder of Elizabeth Short provides generations a way to keep the monsters at bay and protect the beautiful.

References

Beaven, A. (2007). The Gruesome Link to a Hollywood Horror: Victim: Elizabeth Short. The London Daily Mail. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Elias, R. (2007). Haunted by Black Dahlia: Exclusive 60 Years After Young Actress was Found Butchered Beneath Hollywood Hills, her Unsolved Murder Still Fascinates. Glasgow Daily Record. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Epstein, R. J. (2003). Fascination with Evil is American Obsession. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Hoffman, C. (2003). Return to the Primal Noir: Two Modern Authors on the Black Dahlia. The Journal of American Culture. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Murr, A. (2003). Old Case, New Twist: An ex-LAPD Detective Says He's Finally Solved the 1947 Black Dahlia Murder. He Probably Wishes He Hadn't. Newsweek. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Picart, C.J. & Greek, C. (2003). The Compulsion of Real/Reel Serial Killers and Vampires Toward a Gothic Criminology. Journal of Criminal Justice and Popular Culture, 10 (1): 39-68. Retrieved May 23, 2009, from

Roeper, R. (1997). True Crime Stories we May Never Hear End of. Chicago Sun-Times. Chicago Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Stashower, D. (2006). New York's Black Dahlia. The New York Times. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from

................
................

In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.

Google Online Preview   Download