How to Debrief Yourself after an Interview Rejection



The letter to write when you don’t get the job Don’t get mad – get gracious. A follow-up letter after you don’t get the job is so rare, you will stand out, and it can lead to future recommendations or another job. Julie Bauke calls it the “big-boy/big-girl letter.” It’s the gracious letter sent by the candidate who got passed over in the final hiring decision, thanking the hiring manager for the interview, perhaps asking that they keep the candidate in mind for future openings or possibly project work, or even requesting feedback regarding what the candidate might do better or communicate more effectively in a similar/next interview.Another appropriate term would be “the snowball in hell letter,” given their scarcity. When she was in HR, Bauke received a measly 5 of them over the course of 16 years. If you can muster the professionalism and grace to thank the people who interviewed you, you could transform yourself from a reject into a pearl. Bauke has also been a career strategist for 13 years, but she still remembers the thought that popped into her head the few times she got a gracious thank you letter: Did I make the right decision?We talked to both hiring professionals and job seekers?who plucked success from the ashes of rejection. – Read on for their input on why you should write such a letter, what it might contain, and the positive results that can come from having written such.What to write?Whom to Send It to.?Most interview thank-you letters are addressed to everyone who interviewed you. The big-boy/girl letter, however, only goes to the decision maker and/or an HR rep you dealt with, according to Jane Trevaskis, a professional coach. “If the [rejection] letter you received is signed by the HR person … then thank both of them,” she said. “If it is signed by the hiring manager, send only a thank-you to that person.”What to Say.?Thank them for considering you for the opportunity, Trevaskis said. Tell them what impressed you about the company and/or the department you were being considered for. Let them know you would like to keep in touch and would welcome being considered for future openings.Sandra Lamb, a career, lifestyle, etiquette expert and the author of several books on the topic of professional writing, advises clients to keep the letter brief and very positive. – You can state that you were disappointed, but do congratulate the hiring person(s) on having made a selection, and then wish them well. In a final, short paragraph, Lamb advises that clients reiterate a positive point or impression from their interview that reflected well on the interviewer and, again, then state that they’d like to be considered for future openings.Sample letterLamb provides the following sample of such a letter to send upon receiving a rejection:Dear Bob:I would be lying if I said I’m anything but keenly disappointed that I wasn’t your final choice for the position of [job title]. But having experienced how professionally and thoroughly candidates were interviewed, and having made it to the “final [number of candidates on short list],” I’m honored to have been on that short list. And I appreciate that making your final selection was difficult.It was certainly a pleasure getting to meet you and seeing how well your team works. [Customize the following: You are a rare, skilled and astute manager. I particularly like your style of valuing your team, and sincerely hope that sometime in the future we get an opportunity to work together. (I do believe that my skills are a productive fit and compliment to your impressive team.)]I wish you and your associates great success. Thank you again for all your efforts on my behalf. I will look forward to seeing you at one of the area’s industry meetings.Best regards, xxxxx.The fruits of graciousness?One of Lamb’s clients, the IT group leader for a national bank, got a call from a hiring person who had received his letter following a rejection. The manager said he was disappointed that he couldn’t have hired both of the final candidates, then referred Lamb’s client to another position in another company, for which he was then hired.Another of Lamb’s clients, a regional manager for a telephone company, employed the same tactic and wound up being hired by another department in that same company. He was later told that his letter was an influencing factor in getting the internal referral.Alternatives to the “Grown-Up Letter”?Calling is a good alternative to a letter. Several years ago, Holly Meadows Baird applied for a commercial interior design position. After several interviews, she didn’t get the job. When the department head called to tell her that they had selected someone else, he quipped that she was their 2nd best choice, “if that made things any better” Baird said.A day or so later, Baird called him back to tell him how much she appreciated the opportunity for the interviews and asked if they could set-up a time (phone-call or meeting) to briefly discuss what she could do to make herself a better candidate for his company in the future. He offered her insight on what his priorities were in hiring, suggested several related books or articles to read, and provided constructive criticism of areas that she could strengthen in her resume and portfolio.Four months later, another position opened up, and they called to see if she would be interested in interviewing for it. “The job landed in my lap,” Baird said, and she believes it’s because she took the time “to use the rejection as a means to connect, grow, and specifically ask how to make myself a better fit for the admired company in the future.” Gracious letters as networking opportunities.?Myles Falvella is taking a similar approach, hoping it will pay-off in new consulting gigs. The marketing executive is looking for a full-time job, but has been free-lance consulting in the meantime. When he doesn’t get a position after interviewing, he sends a “thank you / please keep me in mind” note, but he also suggests a potential consulting service or two that he can readily provide. Falvella makes that pitch, for such suggested consulting work, based on needs revealed during the job interview. So far, he’s used two “failed” interviews to identify potential work: at a sales mapping application developer and at a social media/PR opportunity. “If I don’t get the job,” he said, “I do hope to gain some new business from the exposure.” How to Debrief Yourself after an Interview RejectionRejection. No matter how impressive your resume, how extensive your education or experience, or how outstanding your accomplishments, if you’re interviewing, you’re experiencing interview rejection at some point. Looking for a job requires three things: A lot of?Preparation A?Positive?(and learning) attitude A great deal of?Persistence While all three are very important, overcoming interview rejection(s) is usually a matter of persistence more than anything else. Some people may even say that if you’re not getting rejected, then you’re not trying for the best opportunities out there for yourself. Stories abound of new graduates, mid-career professionals, and old-timers alike who are going on 30 interviews or more before getting a job offer … and that’s after sending out 100+ resumes after applying online for 150+ jobs after connecting to 200+ recruiters on LinkedIn. In today’s job market, getting a position with a desirable company can be a numbers game, particularly if you're not connected to the right people. You should be prepared for numbers like these and in some cases, much higher, if you’re relying solely on your own skills and accomplishments alone. We may know someone who experienced some form of a Reduction-in-Force (RIF) on Friday and had a new job on Monday. I know someone who had this happen twice, but this isn’t normal so learning to positively debrief yourself when such occurs to you is a key professional skill.Handling rejectionKnowing ahead of time that you’ll probably go on dozens of interviews before that job offer comes through, you can view each rejection as “one more number out of the way.” It’s tough, though. – Very tough if you truly?wanted?(needed) that last job.Don’t be too hard on yourself.?Interview rejection is rarely personal, although it can certainly feel that way. Take a few moments after each interview and go through a?“debriefing” period by asking yourself a few questions:What did I learn (gain) from this interview?Was I as prepared as I thought I was for this interview?Did I ask the right questions to show my interest?What could I have done or provided or said differently?How can I be better prepared for my next interview?How could I use my network better next time?Did I research the company thoroughly enough?Were my communication skills evident? Did I talk too much or not enough?If you’ve been told that your “resume and interview were very impressive, but we’ve decided to select another candidate for this position,” ask yourself some additional questions:Am I looking at myself and my job candidacy in an objective manner?Do I need more or different experience?Did my interview answers accurately reflect my best (most suited) skills?What can I do to improve my interviewing? The reality is, many hiring managers secretly prefer to hire people either like themselves, or that they feel very comfortable with (even not as threatened by). Seriously.?– Often the actual demands of the job can be immaterial if the interviewer likes you?(on their own behalf) … and your skills can be disregarded if the interviewer doesn’t like you. If several candidates meet the job’s requirements, the interviewer will usually offer the position to the person with the most impressive (or longest) experience … that they also like. As a last resort, they’ll hire someone with “potential” based on little more than their own gut feeling (also known as interview BIAS).If later you’ve been rejected yet again, take a few moments to ask yourself the debriefing questions above. Answer them honestly and view your job candidacy from another perspective – the hiring manager’s. Would YOU hire yourself for the job? – Before answering, think about the key reasons why you’d hire yourself; then be certain to mention those in your next interview. Throw a Curveball Get back in touch with the interviewer to ask if he/she will help debrief you. This isn't always possible nor can it be recommended to/for all people.?Such an example follow-up letter might be: "I understand that you've selected another candidate for the XYC position. – Congratulations on moving forward with a befitting individual for that role. Yet I'm now curious if you'd be willing to briefly help me improve my interviewing. – I'm not asking you to divulge any confidential information at all. If you could simply let me know the areas in which I can use some improvement (coaching), and/or better preparation for my next interview, that would be highly appreciated. – And please, don't hold back on such. – I always want to improve myself. Since most of us rarely see our own blind spots, I'm hoping that you'll be willing to help me see some of mine."If your interviewer responds positively, that advice could be golden. – We rarely (if EVER) get an objective glimpse into our own blind spots. I know of a job candidate who used this approach and was thereby asked to apply for a different position at the same company ... and landed it. ................
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