Welcome to the Network Store



Sales person 1: Welcome to the Network Store. Where you can find everything a mother needs.

Sales Person 2: Today we have some amazing special offers for wonderful devices invented by us for you the busy mum.

Sales person 3: Firstly we have a great gadget which will help you keep your hands smooth and give you more time to have a cup of coffee in the morning. Yes it is the “washing up wand” simply wave it with the magic words. “WASH UP NOW!” and it will do the washing up for you.

Sales person 4: This device is new in the store today. (Hold up the device) It may look like a pipe, but really it is an invaluable part of a mother’s weaponry. It amplifies and repeats instructions. We will demonstrate.

If your child is not doing their homework you simply push the button and say “Do your homework” (push the button)

Machine: Do your homework Do your homework Do your homework now!

Sales person 4: This works for “Go to bed, Clean you teeth, stop playing on that computer, don’t argue with your brother or sister, I said No” and other key phases a mother may use.

Sales Person 5: We have spent years trying to grow one of these and now, as you can see, we have succeeded. Especially for mothers we have the “money tree” When you need some money just pull it off and go shopping.

Oh and this one has a security device which only lets you pick the money. That way you know what is there.

(Children try to sneak up and pull the money off the tree, they can’t only the Mum can)Demonstrate

Sales Person 6: We do have another device that you may want to buy along with the money tree. It is a personal shopper. You type in what you need to buy on the keyboard and off it goes to get the things for you. You will of course need to write in the sizes and quantities. If things do not fit it will take them back and demand your money back.

Sales Person 7: For mother’s with hungry children we have the… “fill ‘em up Rice cooker.” This rice cooker never and I mean never, runs out of rice that is ready to eat. Your family can eat rice all day and the rice cooker will still be full.

(children eat and eat and eat rice, they keep taking it out of the rice cooker.) Demonstrate

Sales Person 8: Also in this line, for those busy mums with little time, or even those mums that can’t cook we have a cooking robot. Yes this robot will prepare food, cook it and serve it. It is a great chef, and can bake, grill, fry or boil anything you want.

(Child pretends to be a robot and cuts veg and flips pancakes) Demonstrate.

Sales Person 9: As you can see from this survey (Hold up a graph) no mother likes the washing, ironing or drying clothes. Well we have a special treat for you. It is a Washing machine, does this sound too ordinary? Well let me tell you, this washing machine is an extraordinary machine it one checks if the clothes are dirty if it is clean it will not wash it.

Washing machine: (hiding behind the chair loudly sniffs the clothes) ooh dirty… (Sniff)

Clean..dirty..clean..

Sales person 9: It finds stains

Washing machine: red paint, art really!

Sales person 9: It identifies what it is, treats the stain.

Washing machine: I will paint over it with white paint! That will get rid of it!

Sales Person 9: The clothes are then sorted into colours and washed.

Washing machine: White…, red.. black... purple...

Sales person 9: The machine even irons and folds the clothes

Washing machine: Duuuup bum buoop (put folded clothes on the floor)

Sales Person 10: These (Hold up the pills) were actually suggested by a very annoyed, frustrated teacher who wanted to take some children on a trip. We have spent some months testing them in our science labs and now think we have perfected the formula. We of course will demonstrate now the “Perfect child pills”

Naughty Child: (Runs around knocks over toys, shouts and screams) I want a DS. I want to play football Give me chocolate. I want .No. No. No.

Sales Person 10: First give the child the pill to eat – we also have them disguised as sweets. Instantly they will quieten.

Child: (take the sweet, eat it and become quieter)

Sales Person 10: within a few second the child we be behaving exactly as you want them too.

Child: (Start tiding up and run and get mum a cup of tea)

Sales person 10: They are perfect for grandma’s visits and other occasions like weddings were your child should behave themselves for extended periods of time.

Sales person 11: We have two more goodies on sale today. This next one has been a special benefit to T. Lorraine and many more of our testers. It is the “I’ll help, I can do it!” Machine. This is incredibly clever (and unfortunately very expensive but we will let you have it at a reduced rate today, as after all it is mother’s day) It has been programmed as a secretary, diary, personal assistant, psychologist, doctor, nurse, potty trainer, human resources manager, business assistant, masseuse, reflexologist, linguist and karate expert. It will help you with all your jobs and even take over some for you because mothers often have to be in two places at once!

Sales Person 12: Finally The Sweet Machine, your children will love this one, not only are the sweets wonderfully delicious they will make the next words that come out of your child’s mouth nice ones. This machine was suggested and designed by the daughter of our CEO. Who always in the heat of an argument says things she doesn’t mean.

As you can see here is one angry child

Angry child: You smell, I don’t like you, I ..I..

Sales person 12: yes we all know what she is going to say next don’t we, any way instead of feeling hurt, or doing those nasty things you are thinking about or even grounding her just take a deep breath and offer her a sweet.

Mum: (take a deep breath and give the child a sweet)

Child: (eat the sweet) Ohh I love you, You are the best mum in the whole world..

Sales Person 13: Oh well I am sorry but none of these machines has yet been invented.. Maybe when I grow up I will invent them for you. However as we can’t offer you any of them have something even better. This is a promise to you saying for one week I will do this to help you.

Class: stands and says what they are going to do for their mums

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