Razor Planet



“IN HONOR OF DADS WHO GIVE THEIR BEST”Because Your Family MattersJune 21, 2015 / Father’s DayCornerstone Community ChurchA little boy was asked to explain what Father’s Day is all about; he had a pretty simple explanation: “It’s just like Mother’s Day, only you don’t have to spend as much on the present.” Here’s hoping that’s not your son.Here is how the famous radio commentator Paul Harvey once described a father:A father is a thing that is forced to endure childbirth without an anesthetic. A father is a thing that growls when it feels good and always laughs very loud when it’s scared to death … A father never feels entirely worthy of the worship in a child’s eyes. He’s never quite the hero his daughter thinks … never quite the man his son believes him to be. This worries him sometimes. So he works too hard to try and smooth the rough places in the road for those of his own who will follow him. A father is a thing that gets very angry when the first school grades aren’t as good as he thinks they should be. So he scolds his child … though he’s sure it’s the teacher’s fault … Fathers grow old faster than other people … And while mothers can cry where it shows, fathers have to stand there and beam outside … and die inside. Fathers have very stout hearts, so they have to be broken sometimes or no one would know what’s inside. Fathers are what give daughters away to other men who aren’t nearly good enough … so they can have grandchildren that are smarter than anybody’s.A father with five children won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to have them help decide which of them should get the toy. So he asked them some questions. “OK kids, who is the most obedient? Who never talks back to mother? Who always does everything your mother says?” Without hesitation the five children made the decision for their dad: “You keep the toy, Daddy!”Today we are finishing up our series called “Because Your Family Matters” in which we are learning what it looks like to give our family our very best. If you were here for the first Sunday of this series you might remember the illustration that gave me the idea for this series. It comes from former President Jimmy Carter, who at the time was interviewing with Admiral Rickover for a coveted spot in the nuclear submarine program. The Admiral asked Carter where he finished in his class in the Naval Academy, and then followed up with this question: “Did you do your best?” Carter thought for a moment and then gave his honest answer: “No sir, I didn’t always give my best.” To which the Admiral replied, “Why not?” And with that Admiral Rickover got up and walked out of the interview.Carter later titled his autobiography, “Why Not The Best?” And that’s what we’re asking ourselves in this series – why not give our best to our family? We give our best at work. We give our best at school. Why not give our best to those we love the most, to those people who share our home and our blood? Why not our best?So what does it look like for a dad to give his best? Now please hear me – I’m not talking about perfection. That’s an impossible standard. No one here had a perfect father, and no one here has been a perfect father. On the other hand, we need to set our standards a little higher than some of the dads we see on TV. We shouldn’t be satisfied to watch an episode of “The Simpsons” and say, “Well at least I’m a better dad than Homer.”Our three kids are grown now. That doesn’t mean I still don’t have something to give my kids as a father, but my role has certainly changed. For the first few years our job is to be a caregiver. As the kids get a little older we become something of a cop, the one who sets and enforces the rules. Then as they get older we become more of a coach, and then when they’re grown up our role shifts to that of a consultant – from caregiver to cop to coach to consultant. Now I’m a granddad, so in a way I’m starting over in the caregiver role, though in a much more limited fashion than before. But it’s got me to thinking again about the role of a father and what it means for a father to give his very best, and I have to admit that in some ways that feels like an overwhelming task. If giving your best means you have to be super-dad or super-granddad, then I’m out of luck. For example, in my mind a really competent Dad should be able to teach his kids things like how to tie a variety of knots and how to set up a tent and how to survive in the woods. But the only knot I know how to tie is the knot I use when I tie my shoes. My kids learned nothing from me about how to survive in the woods. My only advice to them was always, “Stay out of the woods.”But I don’t think for a father to give his best means that he has to be a Dad who can teach his kids everything about everything, or that it means never missing a soccer game, or that it means giving your kids a car when they turn 16. But it does mean giving your best to building their character. That, after all, is the main goal of parenting – to shape your children’s character. In fact, the Bible tells us something very interesting about this, something that should motivate us as Dads to give our best to developing our kids’ character. The Bible says that what really makes a Dad happy, what will bring him true joy, is when his children develop their character. Listen to this:A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother. (Proverbs 10:1)My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad; my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right. (Proverbs 23:15-16)The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. (Proverbs 23:24)Notice what brings joy, what brings enduring happiness, to a Dad. It’s not a new set of power tools or a six-pack or being left alone to watch TV. What makes Dad happy is a child who is wise; what brings Dad joy is a child who is righteous. So if a son or daughter’s wisdom is what brings joy to their father, then we need to ask what it means to be wise. As you might expect, the Bible – and the Book of Proverbs in particular – has a great deal to say about wisdom, some of which we will explore this morning. But here’s the big point the Bible makes about wisdom, as Solomon puts it in Proverbs 14:16 – “A wise man fears the Lord.” Now that only begs the question, “What does it mean to fear the Lord?” Here’s the short answer – to fear the Lord means to take God with ultimate seriousness. My kids have learned over the years that their Dad likes to tease them. I was the youngest of three boys in my family, which made me the object of most of the teasing in our family. Becoming a father, I figured, meant it was my turn to tease, and I have done a lot of it over the years. But there’s a downside to teasing, which is that after a while my kids tended not to take much of what I say seriously. If Mom told them to do something, they knew she meant business. But if I told them to do something, they felt comfortable blowing it off because they figured, “He’s probably just teasing.”By contrast, the Bible says, a person who is wise fears God. A person who is wise takes everything God says seriously. A wise person understands that if God says something is important, then it’s important. To fear God doesn’t mean that you cower in terror at the mention of God’s name; to fear God means to take him seriously and to obey him completely. The author of the Book of Ecclesiastes summarized the point like this: “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13) So Dads, that’s what we need to give our best to. We need to give our best to raising our kids to fear God and to keep his commandments. And if we do that, it will bring us – the Bible promises – true enduring joy.But that’s still pretty general, so maybe we should talk some specifics. What specific qualities do we want to see our kids develop? Let me suggest three of them this morning – independence, initiative and integrity. Give Your Best To Developing IndependenceLet’s start with the one that might sound the most out of place, the most counterintuitive – give your best to develop independence. When I was younger I sometimes had the misimpression that what my Dad wanted was to control me. It seemed to me that what would make my Dad happy was if he could make all my decisions for me; I had this notion that what Dad really wanted was to micromanage my life. It wasn’t enough, for example, for Dad to tell me to trim around all 53 tree-wells in our yard; I had to do the job when he thought it should be done and how he thought it should be done. And if I didn’t do it the way he thought it should be done, he would come along behind me and “fix” it. But while my Dad was slightly obsessive-compulsive – something I have come to see, by the way, as a virtue – I ultimately learned that Dad really wasn’t interested in controlling me. Dad really didn’t want to make all my decisions for me. My Dad’s goal for me all along was that I become independent. Dad wanted me to learn to think for myself and to choose for myself and to act for myself and to provide for myself.Now certainly it would be foolish for a father not to provide instruction and guidance and direction for his children. Certainly we learn to be independent by first learning to follow instructions and to take advice. Listen to some of what Solomon has to teach us in the Book of Proverbs:Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. (Proverbs 9:8-9)The wise in heart accept commands … (Proverbs 10:8)The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke. (Proverbs 13:1)Let me give you an example of what I mean when I say my Dad wanted me to become independent by learning from his instructions. I grew up in Minnesota. I don’t know if you’ve heard this about Minnesota, but in the winter it can get very cold, so cold that a car left out too long might not start. So one of the things my Dad taught me when I first learned to drive was how to jumpstart a car. I was 16 when Dad gave me instructions on how to do this procedure, and for a variety of reasons I didn’t pay very close attention to what Dad had to say. I remembered enough to know that if I did it wrong it could be dangerous, but that was about it. And of course it wasn’t long before the 1973 Ford Pinto I was driving wouldn’t start, and I had to dig the jumper cables out of the trunk and ask someone if they could help me jumpstart my car. And then my mind went blank. I couldn’t remember anything. Should the other car be running when I hook things up, or does it have to be off? Does the positive connection go to the negative or to the positive? Does it matter which connection I make first? If I do this wrong am I going to blow this other car up? Now let’s think back to the time my Dad had given me instructions on jumpstarting a car. Why did he do that? Well, there were a number of reasons. He didn’t want me to get hurt. He didn’t want me to damage the car. But as I stood there in the middle of a cold Minnesota night I realized there was another reason he showed me how to do this myself – he didn’t want to have to get out of his warm bed to come do it for me! When Dad gave me instructions in jumpstarting a car, it wasn’t because he was trying to control me; he genuinely wanted me to learn to be independent – he wanted me to know how to do it myself. Dads, the reason you give your kids instructions isn’t because you want to micromanage they’re lives; your goal is to teach them how to survive and to succeed on their own. Listen to this proverb from Solomon’s pen: “A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 22:3) A father wants his son and his daughter to become independent so that when they see danger they are wise enough to take refuge without Dad telling them what to do. Dads don’t want to make all your decisions for you; what brings Dad joy is when his kids become mature enough to make wise choices independent of Mom and Dad. And by the way, did you know that what brings your Dad joy is the same thing that brings our Heavenly Father joy? God wants us to be independent. God doesn’t want to micromanage your life any more than your Dad does. Sure God gives us instructions, he gives us rules; he gives us laws. But God’s instructions aren’t meant to cramp our style; God is not interested in dictating to you what you should do every second of every day. Instead God gives us his instructions to teach us how to be wise; he gives us his laws to help us grow up so we can make wise choices on our own. The Bible makes this very clear – God has given us free will, the freedom to make our own choices. And God isn’t trying to take that back. He just wants to teach us how to use our free will to do what’s right and healthy and good. So Dads, just as our Heavenly Father has given his best to developing our independence, let’s give our best to helping our children become independent themselves.Giving Your Best To Developing InitiativeHere’s a second quality we want to give our best to developing in our children – initiative. Proverbs puts it like this: “Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.” (Proverbs 10:4-5) One of the qualities that brings a father joy is seeing his son and his daughter take initiative. For some reason as kids we think that what really brings Dad joy is nagging, because he seems to do so much of it. Why else would Dad nag us about doing our homework or doing our laundry if it didn’t make him happy? But the truth is just the opposite – nothing drains a father of joy faster than having to nag his kids to do what they know they should do. I knew as a kid what my Mom and Dad expected of me. I knew I was supposed to mow the lawn, to collect the garbage, to vacuum once a week, to clean my bathroom, to do my homework before I watched TV, and a number of other things that go along with being part of a family and growing up. I didn’t need to be told to do those things, and I knew it made Dad happy when I did them without being told to do them.Proverbs has something more to say about the quality of taking the initiative; this is from Proverbs 6: “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander; no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.” (Proverbs 6:6-8) No one tells the ant what to do. The ant doesn’t wait for its Dad or its ruler to say, “You better put some food into storage for the winter.” The ant, the writer of Proverbs reminds us, takes the initiative. And what do we call the ant because he does that? We call him wise. A wise son brings joy to his father, we read earlier, and here we are reminded that part of being wise is to take the initiative, to do those things you know you should do without being told to do it.But initiative goes beyond that, I think. The kind of initiative that really made my Dad happy was when I did something good without Dad even suggesting it. For example, I knew when it was my turn to shovel the snow off our driveway, and I knew it made Dad happy when I did it without being reminded. But we had a neighbor next door who had just gone through a divorce and whose only child at home was a young girl, so from time to time after I finished shoveling our driveway I would go next door and shovel theirs. Now my Dad would have been proud of me if I had done that after he had told me to do it, but what really made Dad proud was that I shoveled the neighbor’s driveway on my own initiative.One of the values I’ve tried to pass on to my children is that of generosity. I’ve tried to teach them something about money that we’ve talked about in church before; I’ve tried to teach them the money management principle of saving 10% of what they make, giving 10% of what they make, and then living on the rest. And what really brings me joy is when they take the initiative to give the money they’ve earned to some cause they care about, when they don’t wait for Mom or Dad to suggest where they should give their money but they go ahead on their own and give to a cause they’ve chosen on their own. It makes a Dad happy when his kids take the initiative to do not only what they’re supposed to do, but to do more than they’re supposed to do.And what brings your Dad joy also brings your Heavenly Father joy. When you take the initiative to do what’s right, it brings God great joy. Let me challenge all of us to take the initiative in one particular area, and you’ll be glad to know it has nothing to do with money. Let me challenge us to bring joy to our Heavenly Father by taking the initiative in building relationships. Take the initiative before you leave this morning to talk to someone you don’t know very well, to introduce yourself and find something out about that other person’s life. Take the initiative today or tomorrow to call someone you haven’t seen at church for awhile and check in with them. Take the initiative to send someone an email or a text this week, to make a call to someone just to let them know you care. Take the initiative at Starbucks or Safeway or wherever you are to start a conversation with someone. If you want to be wise, if you want to make your Heavenly Father happy, take the initiative to care about people.Give Your Best To Developing IntegrityHere’s a third quality to give your best to developing in your kids – integrity. We’ve read this verse before this morning: “The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.” (Proverbs 23:24) Dads, this is something I know we all want to teach our children, and that’s integrity – to be honest, to be genuine, to live authentically. Proverbs 16:13 says, “Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth.” Kings take pleasure in honest lips, and so do Dads, and so does God.And, oh, so do employers, by the way. Burke Marketing Research asked executives in 100 of the nation’s 1000 largest companies this question: “What qualities in employees irritate you the most?” At the top of the list was dishonesty. Marc Silbert, whose temporary employee firm commissioned the study, says, “If a company believes that an employee lacks integrity, all positive qualities – ranging from skill and experience to productivity and intelligence – become meaningless.” Dads, if we want our kids to be able to keep their jobs when they grow up, we will give our very best to modeling for them and teaching them the value of integrity. Stuart Briscoe is a pastor, but while still a student he got a job at a bank. One day his boss told him, “If Mr. Smith calls for me, tell him I’m out.” Briscoe replied, “Oh, are you planning to go somewhere?” “No, I just don’t want to speak to him, so tell him I’m out.” “Let me make sure I understand – Do you want me to lie for you?” The boss blew up at him. He was outraged. Stuart said he prayed and God gave him a flash of insight. This is how he responded: “You should be happy, because if I won’t lie for you, isn’t it safe to assume I won’t lie to you?” And Stuart kept his job. Andrew Carnegie was born in Scotland in 1835 and grew up in poverty. Carnegie moved to the United States and through a great deal of hard work and good fortune became known as the richest man in the world. He founded the company we know today as U.S. Steel. Carnegie also became a great philanthropist, eventually giving away most of the money he had accumulated. And here’s one of my favorite quotes from this great entrepreneur: “No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor.” Long before Andrew Carnegie the Book of Proverbs put it like this: “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” (Proverbs 22:1) Sometimes we Dads give our kids the impression that what makes us most proud is for them to be the star athlete or to be the best student or to have a successful career. But it’s not true. What really makes us proud is to see our kids display integrity, to see them become men and woman of honor and character. And you don’t need me to tell you that the same thing makes our Heavenly Father proud of us. When we stand before God someday, I sincerely doubt that he will ask any of us what our net worth was, or what our GPA was, or whether we ever won any awards. But he will care about our character. He will care about our integrity.And Dads, if we’ve given our best to helping shape the character of our children, then we should be proud too. We’re not perfect; we’re not super-dads. But if we’ve done our best to teach our kids to fear God and to keep his commandments, if we’ve done our best to help them become independent, to teach them to take the initiative, and to challenge them to live with integrity, then we’ve done what God has asked us to do. And for that, we honor you. Well done, Dads. And thank you. ................
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