Hunterdon Medical Center



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DEVELOPING

COPING TECHNIQUES

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We have talked about the need to feel and express our emotions during the grieving process, and the problems encountered with extreme avoidance or denial. But we must also recognize the need to give our minds, bodies and emotions a rest. This involves developing coping techniques.

Coping techniques help us find healthy expressions and outlets for our mental and physical energy. The by-product is emotional relaxation.

Like all responses during bereavement, coping is individual; for some, emphasis may be on mental outlets; for others, physical, and there are those who need both. Again, what is right for you?

Initially, concentration on areas other than your loss may be difficult, but the old adage "practice makes perfect" is applicable here. With each attempt your attention span increases, you do a little more, and eventually you succeed. Think about a baby learning to walk. At first he needs help from someone or something to pull himself up. He falls! Yet, he continues to try and continues to fall until he stands alone and walks on his own. This is coping – the baby learned to overcome what seemed to be impossible odds.

Coping during bereavement is similar. Simple, routine tasks that have been taken for granted in the past become monumental chores that must be learned or relearned. However, in doing so, you succeed in mastering your grief.

An important thing to remember is that encouragement and support may come from family members or friends, but the bottom line is you develop your coping technique by initiating, practicing and carrying through.

So, what can you do to develop a coping technique? What can give you a little emotional relaxation? There is no secret formula. You make a concentrated effort to focus on one positive thing, falter perhaps, and try again. Set short-term goals. Success in one small task encourages attempts at others.

Here are a few suggestions for starters. You start your own list (one at a time), and see it through.

|1. |Projects like painting a room, adding a shelf or organizing drawers. |

|2. |Interests like gardening, sewing or baking. |

|3. |Sports, as a participant or an observer. |

|4. |Creativity, if you have a talent for art, music or writing, etc. |

|5. |Mental Challenges such as reading, puzzles, card games or enroll in a class. |

|6. |Outings like shopping or having lunch with a friend, movies, church involvement, social clubs. |

|7. |Volunteer Work – share yourself and your talents with the many organizations that need you to help others. |

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