Do-it-yourself Country & Western Song Kit



Do-it-yourself Country & Western Song Kit

I met her (1)_________________________________(2)___________________________________;

I can still recall (3)__________________________________________________________she wore; She was (4)__________________________________ (5)_________________________________ (5)

And I knew (6)____________________________________________________________________.

(7)_________________________________I'd (8)__________________________________ forever; She said to me (9)_________________________________________________________________;

But who'd have thought she'd (10)____________________ (11)____________________________;

(12)_____________________________________________________________________ goodbye.

|1 |2 |3 |4 |5 |

|on the highway |in September |that purple dress |sobbin’ at the toll booth |in the twilight |

|outside Fresno |at McDonald’s |that little hat |drinkin’ Dr. Pepper |but I loved her |

|at a truck stop |ridin’ shotgun |that burlap bra |weighted down with Twinkies |by the off-ramp |

|on probation |wrestlin’ gators |those training pants |breakin’ out with acne |near Poughkeepsie |

|in a jail cell |all hunched over |the stolen goods |smellin’ kind of funny |with her cobra |

|in a nightmare |poppin’ uppers |that plastic nose |crashin’ through the guardrail |when she shot me |

|incognito |sort of pregnant |the neon sign |chewin’ on a hangnail |on her elbows |

|in a treehouse |with joggers |that creepy smile |talkin’ in Swahili |with Led Zeppelin |

|in a gay bar |stoned on oatmeal |the hearing aid |drownin’ in the quicksand |with Miss Piggy |

|at a rehab |playin’ guitar |the boxer shorts |slurpin’ up linguini |in her muu-muu |

|by a trailer |dead all over |that afro wig |munchin’ jalapenos |as a side dish |

|eatin’ supper |whistling “Dixie” |that cheap perfume |shopliftin’ tomatoes |very slowly |

| | |the combat boots |hot-wirin’ my pick-up |with some sailors |

| | | |pregnant with the triplets |without shoes on |

|6 |7 |8 |9 |

|no guy would ever love her more |I promised her |stay with her |our love would never die |

|that she would be an easy score |I knew deep down |warp her mind |there was no other guy |

|she’d bought her dentures in a store |She asked me if |swear off booze |man wasn’t meant to fly |

|that she would be a crashing bore |I told her shrink |take out trash |that Nixon didn’t lie |

|I’d never rate her more than “4” |The judge declared |punch her out |her basset hound was shy |

|they’d hate her guts in Baltimore |Her daddy said |live off her |that Rolaids made her high |

|it was a raven, nothing more |I shrieked in pain |have that rash |she’d have a swiss on rye |

|we really lost the last World War |The painters knew |stay a dwarf |she loved my one blue eye |

|I’d have to scrape her off the floor |A Klingon said |hate her dog |her brother’s name was Tye |

|what strong deodorants were for |My hamster thought |pick my nose |that birthdays made her cry |

|that she was rotten to the core |The blood test showed |play “Go Fish” |she couldn’t stand my tie |

|that I would upchuck on the floor |Her momma knew |salivate |she used to be a guy |

| | |walk the streets |“go stick it in your eye” |

|10 |11 |12 |

|run off |with my best friend |You’d think at least that she’d have said |

|wind up |in my Edsel |I never had the chance to say |

|boogie |on a surfboard |She told her dumb friend Grace to say |

|yodel |with her dentist |I now can kiss my credit cards |

|sky dive |with a robot |I guess I was too smashed to say |

|turn green |with no clothes on |I watched her melt away and sobbed |

|freak out |at her health club |She fell beneath the wheels and cried |

|blast off |in her Maytag |She sent a hired thug to say |

|make it |with her guru |She freaked out on the lawn and screamed |

|black out |while in labor |I pushed her off the bridge and waved |

|bobsled |for my gun-rack |But that’s the way that pygmies say |

|grovel |eatin’ breakfast |She sealed me in the vault and said |

|write songs | |Now I can kiss my credit cards |

|drop dead | |The spraypaint on my truck spelled out |

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