Third Talk on Marriage by Fr



Third Talk on Marriage  by Fr. Michael E. Rodriguez                              Mar. 1, 2007

 

            Last week, I assigned the passage from Matthew 7:24-27 as homework.  I hope all of you read it, as it is critical to the two basic questions I asked you when we met for the first of these talks.

Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined.

 

The two basic questions that you need to ask yourselves are:

                      Why do we want to get married?

                      What is/will be the foundation for our marriage?

Based on the Scriptural passage, the foundation for your marriage can be weak or strong.

 

            This evening, I’ll try to finish what I’ve begun. I’ve given you the basic theological principal for the sacrament of Marriage.  Later we’ll look at specific aspects of marriage, but all will be based on what we’ve been discussing, these basic principles, which help us answer, “How should we live our marriage?"

            Re-read the passage.  We can apply the words of Jesus to all marriages. In fact, we need to really take these words to heart and apply them to every marriage.  Problems arise in marriages. If you’ve been married you know all about the ‘winds and rain’ that buffet a marriage.  Which are the marriages that can withstand all problems?  Those built on the rock of His teachings.

            There is a noticeable difference in a couple who think the foundation of marriage is their love for each other, because even though it is important, that will never be a solid foundation.  The solid rock is not the love they have for each other.  The rock must be Christ and His Church.  All of you should be thinking, “Catholic Church" when you hear Matthew’s words. You should think, “Rock=Peter.”

Jesus told Peter: “You are Rock, and upon this Rock I will build My Church.”

Jesus built His Church on the Rock that is Peter – Peter, who professed faith in Christ.

The foundation must be Christ, His teachings.  We must build our house, our marriage, our family on …. what?  On the words of Jesus Christ, on His example and actions.

            His actions are the sacraments.  Jesus is present, acting, doing all for us in the sacraments, building up His Church, His Mystical Body, through His Words and His actions by means of the sacraments.

 

Why do we want to get married?  The answer should be: 

                  To follow Jesus, to be faithful to Him through our marriage.

    

            Well, if we want to follow Jesus and be faithful to Him, it follows that we need to know Him and the teachings of His Church.  This is essential! Remember the practical steps I mentioned at our first meeting?

How much time is being spent going to Mass, praying, reading the Scriptures, before the Blessed Sacrament, going to Confession, learning more about our Faith?

THESE ARE ESSENTIAL IN ORDER FOR THE FOUNDATION TO BE STRONG.

 

            The marriage of a Catholic must be set on the firm rock that is Christ. The couple must have a deep love for Christ and His Church, and have trust in God. They should not think of financial considerations, for example, but on what the Church teaches.

 

            Many times couples who are not living their faith go talk to a priest.  When they are told they cannot practice artificial contraception, they can’t accept or understand it because they are not living the teachings of Christ.  The can’t or won’t accept children as gifts from God, but see them instead as a financial burden, fearing they do not have the money to support a child.  They are thinking in worldly terms.

            If you think about it, all the issues and problems that arise in a marriage are related to the foundation the couples have.  Jesus promises  that the house will withstand and be holier and stronger if it is set on the Rock and Foundation that is Christ and His Church.

 

            It is so important that both husband and wife, from the time they were small, have been growing in their Faith and learning to love Christ and His Church.  This is will be big help to them in their marriage as contrasted or opposed to those who have never prayed, do not attend Mass, etc.

 

THE SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE IS BUILT UPON THE OTHER SACRAMENTS.  

           I am not saying anything new, just focusing on the same realities, but explaining it differently.  Marriage is a house built on the foundation of the sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Eucharist and Penance. Christ willed it to be so.

      Let’s be specific.  You say you believe in Jesus and His Church, and that He will be your foundation.  Hold on!  It is not enough to say it!  Be honest!  Is it?  Anyone can say or feel anything, but is it true?  Has my foundation been living my faith?

 

            This is the basic reality we live through the Sacraments.  I’ll explain. Listen first to this summary of our Catholic Faith:

 

By giving His life and shedding His Blood on the Cross, by rising from death and through the gift of the Holy Spirit, Christ gives life to His Church and joins Her to Him forever.

This explanation is thoroughly centered on Christ.  Realize that there was no Church before He died.  It all came afterwards.

 

The summary above is the basic reality we live through the sacraments.  Remember my mentioning that there is a human reality as well as a divine reality to marriage?  We are very aware of the human reality, but not of the divine reality  We need faith to understand the divine reality of the Sacraments.

 

            Jesus gave His life on the Cross, thereby making it possible for Him to give life to His Church.  Something similar occurs in Baptism. We die to sin and are given new life, the life of Christ.

            Jesus sent the Holy Spirit as His gift, Whom we receive when we are confirmed, to unite us to Himself.  Every time at Mass, we unite ourselves to Him, and hear His Words, and grow to love Him and receive, so that we can be joined to Him forever.

 

            Now we’ll apply all these concretely to the Sacrament of Marriage.  Jesus unites His Church to Himself forever.  Bells should be ringing!  Marriage is for life!

 

      Let’s examine again what the Sacrament of Marriage is.  Recall the definition I gave you last Thursday.  In the Sacrament of Matrimony (the divine reality) the sacred love of Christ for His Church (a love which is sacred, holy, salvific), this love which is indissoluble (forever, despite problems. The Church tells us we’re called to love forever – a divine reality that even the powers of hell can’t break – the husband and wife promise fidelity) this love which is life-giving, this love of Christ is reflected, expressed and made real in the human life of Jane and Joe Doe.

             When a couple marries, they make certain promises, among them fidelity. This fidelity is indissoluble and life giving.  Why?  Because the Church invented and decided it would be so?  NO!

It is so because it is a participation in the sacred love of Christ for His Church.

Pay close attention and think about what I’m saying.  This is the great mystery – the foundation of marriage is the love of Christ for His Church, and husband and wife are called to make it real and to participate in that love.

 

The husband must be like Jesus for His wife.  Like Jesus, he must be willing to give his life for his wife.  It is at once a challenge and something beautiful, this divine reality.  The husband needs to sacrifice his life for his wife  But in order to be able to do this, the husband has to be a man of prayer, has to be living his faith.  How else can he love his wife as Jesus loves the Church? Not in a million years!  He will seek his own pleasure, his own will, his own comfort, if his foundation is any other than Christ, if he relies on himself.

The wife is like the Church.  She receives the love her husband gives her.  He takes the initiative and she returns his love and fidelity and gives herself to her husband.

 

Back to the sacrament – hopefully now you see how that explanation or summary I gave you of our Faith – that Christ gave His life – applies to the Sacrament of Matrimony. But what comes before is the other sacraments.  One can’t or shouldn’t  receive the Sacrament of Matrimony unless one has received the sacraments  of Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Eucharist and Penance.  By means of all these other sacraments, Christ has given Himself to us.  Baptism, Confirmation and Holy Eucharist come first.  If one has not done what comes first, how can that person hope to imitate the love of Christ for His Church in marriage?

If you have not died to sin and risen with Christ in Baptism, if you have not received the gift of the Holy Spirit in Confirmation, how can you love as Christ loves?

 

These are theological explanations that have practical applications. You aren’t going to be able to reflect and make real the love of Christ if you haven’t united yourself to Him through the sacraments of  Baptism, Confirmation, and Holy Eucharist. 

How can a husband be Jesus for his wife?  This is a question the man must constantly be asking himself.  But how can he, if he hasn’t learned to love as Jesus loves through the Mass?  If he is not living as a son of God daily, how can he unite himself to his wife?

 

There are always things within a marriage to attack the fidelity and indissolubility of the marriage, chief among them our sins, which we can fight with the aid of the sacrament of Penance. In order for a husband and wife to be able to love each other faithfully, they need to base their life on the words of Jesus, and let themselves be guided by the Holy Spirit (Confirmation), and constantly ask for forgiveness when necessary (Confession).

 

All this is simply another way of saying that marriage is based on the rock-solid foundation of Christ and His Church.

 

Look at most marriages.  If the couple wants a better marriage, it is really easy.  Check the foundation of the marriage.  Is it rooted in divine reality? Too many marriages are stuck in the human reality for years!  Have they improved?

 

Marriages need to be strengthened on the Rock, and examined on a daily basis, a practice which serves as a specific discernment tool.  One needs to ask the question:

 

 “Does God want us to be married?”

 

Forget all the other reasons you gave last week for getting married.  The above question is the one that matters.  So … how does one find the answer?   EXAMINE THE FOUNDATION! Are we building on His love, His law?  That’s what the sacrament of Matrimony created by Christ is: THE LOVE OF CHRIST FOR HIS CHURCH EXPRESSED AND MADE REAL.

The sacred love of Christ for His Church can now be lived by both individuals in marriage, in their own lives.

 

            Jesus has raised human beings to a new reality, and we know that God wants the foundation of our lives to be His love, His law.  So when we examine our lives, we need to look at SPECIFIC things.  Examine how we live the four sacraments I have mentioned.  Are they really the foundation of our life?  Is that really how we are living?

•        Do all our actions, words, thoughts reflect the reality that God is our Father, and heaven our destined home? 

•        Are we open to the guidance, promptings and help of the Holy Spirit?

•        Do we invoke His assistance in our daily living? 

•        Are we giving witness to our faith?

•        Are we asking God’s forgiveness and strength to follow Him more faithfully in the sacrament of Reconciliation, going to confession on a regular basis?

•        Are we trying to overcome sin?

•        Are we participating in the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross by going to Mass every Sunday, and whenever possible during the week?

•        Are we being nourished by His Body and Blood in the Eucharist?

 

All these are extremely important. Do they form the foundation of our life?

        Or we caught up with:  How does he/she dress?  Is he/she good/looking/pretty?   Is  he buff?  Does she have a great figure? Does he make lots of money, drive a late-model car?  Does he/she have lots of friends, travel with the ‘right’ crowd?  Is he/she a good dancer, go to the ‘in’ night spots?  SAND FOUNDATION!!

 

            What’s going to happen to a marriage where those are the primary considerations?  Read the passage from Matthew’s Gospel again.  The house built on sand collapsed, fell apart, was ruined.

WE HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTION AND CHECK TO SEE IF OUR FOUNDATION IS REALLY CHRIST.

            Each couple should ask: How if our faith?  Remember the signs of a faith-filled life? Attendance at Mass, reception of the sacraments of Penance and Holy Eucharist, daily prayer, reading of Scriptures, spending time before the Blessed Sacrament.

 

            IF YOU SEE PROBLEMS IN A RELATIONSHIP, GO BACK TO THOSE BASICS!

 

Learn your Faith!  In  Baptism the priest blesses the ears and mouth of the child being baptized.  This is done so we may hear the Word of God and proclaim it!

 

Are you using your ears to hear God’s Word?  Are you using your mouth to talk about Him, and to Him?  Be specific in examining how you live, how you treat others, how sincere you are in your efforts to overcome sin.  Nowadays most people have lost a sense of sin.  We are constantly being told that what is gravely wrong is normal and acceptable. 

IS CHRIST THE FOUNDATION? This question needs to be taken seriously.

We need to fight against sin, and make a real commitment, not just shrug and say, “This is how I am.”

           Am I living how God wants me to live, or am I dominated by pride, anger, greed, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth (the capital sins), and jealousy and selfishness?

            It all goes back to what was said about the sacrament of Marriage.  It is a reflection of the sacred love of Christ for His church.  It is a gift of self, as Christ gave His life to give life to the Church.

 

            Review the above list of the capital sins.  Sloth, for example, is a real problem in marriage!   The spouses come home after work and are tired.  Typically, the man will eat, watch TV, and go to sleep, ignoring the children, letting the wife take care of them.  He doesn’t check their homework or help them do it, does not listen to them tell about what happened during their day.  With women working outside the home, the same applies to them. This is very bad! Where will they find the strength to fight sloth if they are not aware of the need for the grace of the Holy Spirit in their lives, if they do not make time to pray for it?  If they are not learning more about their faith?

           

            One can easily see the fruits when the foundation is Christ.

 

            My father always spent time with us when he got home from work.  He would play with us, review our homework, and after supper we would pray the Rosary, and during Lent he would have us draw the Stations of the Cross and we’d put them along the walls and pray them.

            The man should not say “I’m tired,” and not find time for his wife and children.

All  problems arise from the failure of the spouses to imitate Christ in their lives.  There is too much of the human element in marriages.  This has very specific applications, which we will be examining in the following weeks.  There are a lot of problems when God’s grace is not being relied on and used.

      The wife can only be a reflection of the Church and return love IF she is living her faith.

 

FOR HOMEWORK, read the passage in St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, Chapter 5, verses 21-32.

 

            The passage is on marriage, and shows both the human and the divine elements.  It gives good advice on the human level, then explains that he’s talking of the mystery of Christ and His Church.

 

            Notice the importance of faith.  One who lacks faith can go to Mass, and see people sitting and standing and singing and responding once in a while and then going to get something to eat.

            A person who has faith realizes she/he is present when Christ is offering Himself to the Father in expiation for sins, and sees the people going to receive the Body and Blood of Christ.

            Two couples, with exactly the same problems, will handle them differently when faith is uppermost in the lives of one of the couples.  The couple with faith makes the commitment to work through the problems because they know God is helping them find a solution.  The couple with no faith may try for a while but wind up getting divorced, for they lack faith and the awareness that they are called by Christ to share His love for them with each other, for it should be a reflection of Christ’s love for His Church, which is permanent and faithful and indissoluble.

            Just a few introductory remarks concerning the talks in the following weeks. We’ll be looking at specific problems in light of what I’ve said today.  We’ll see that problems are solved when couples try to reflect the love of Christ for His Church.  When they don’t realize that there is a divine element, and what it is, the problems remain.

            It is a great daily challenge in marriage to love after the example of Jesus Christ.  We’ll continue to look at what it means to love.  Is our love based on rock or sand? On Christ or on my perceived love for the other person?

 

            Jesus gave us the sacrament of Matrimony so a husband and wife can love each other, not as the world teaches or as my heart says.  If is a purified love, there is first of all a love for Christ, the husband and wife has a great capacity to love each other, and that is what one wants when one marries. 

 

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