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PEOPLE SMART
A STORY BASED SOCIAL SKILLS DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM
FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS
John Seaman, Ph.D.
School Psychologist, Retired
Comments and suggestions welcome at
jkseaman365@
Table of Contents
Introduction 3
Relationship Building Skills
Program Introduction 12
Making Friends 19
Greeting an Acquaintance 28
Joining a Conversation 37
Maintaining a Conversation 46
Joining a Game 55
Complimenting 66
Giving Advice 75
Being True to Yourself 86
Coping Skills
Relaxing When Upset 101
Dealing with Loss and Losing 112
Accepting No for an Answer 122
Accepting Constructive Criticism 132
Handling a Reprimand 143
Apologizing 155
Controlling and Expressing Anger 169
When Someone is Talking About a Friend 183
Dealing with Rejection 195
When a Friend Asks You to Get Into Trouble 207
* * * *
Skill Definition Posters 217
PEOPLE SMART
A STORY BASED SOCIAL SKILLS DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS
INTRODUCTION
People Smart for middle school is a story based social skills development program for students in grades six through eight. Unlike programs which either target special education students (Hazel, Schumaker, Sherman and Seldon-Wildgen, 1981; Walker, McConnell, Holmes, Todis, Walker and Golden, 1983; Walker, Todis, Holmes, and Horton, 1988), or are most conveniently used in small groups (Goldstein, Sprafkin, Gershaw and Klein, 1980; Goldstein, 1988), People Smart is designed for presentation to regular education students in regular classrooms. Each session provides a structured sequence of learning activities to capture student interest and elicit student involvement. People Smart is designed to be taught by school counselors, school psychologists, school social workers and regular education teachers.
A lack of social competence in childhood is related to elevated rates of a variety of adjustment difficulties in adulthood (Kupersmidt, Coie and Dodge, 1990; Parker and Ascher, 1987). People Smart is designed to teach critical social skills that promote functional relationships among middle school students and enhance the likelihood of adjustment in future years. In this way, it is a preventive program designed to provide skills that will reduce the probability of adjustment difficulties in the general population. While People Smart may be used as part of an intervention for skill deficient or special education populations, its first focus is prevention in the general population.
PROGRAM CONTENT
Both conceptually and in terms of content, People Smart borrows heavily from standard social skills development programs written for skill deficient and special education students (Goldstein, Sprafkin, Gershaw and Klein, 1980; Walker, McConnell, Holmes, Todis, Walker, and Golden, 1983). Skills are presented in two parts, relationship building skills and coping skills. Relationship building skills promote development and maintenance of positive relationships with peers. Nine relationship building skills are taught: making a friend, greeting an acquaintance, joining a conversation, maintaining a conversation, joining a game, complimenting, giving advice and being true to yourself.
Skills presented in Part Two assist students to manage interpersonal conflicts and respond appropriately in socially stressful situations. The following are coping skills taught in the final ten sessions: relaxing when upset, dealing with loss and losing, accepting no for an answer, accepting criticism, handling a reprimand, apologizing, controlling and expressing anger, dealing with someone who is talking about a friend, dealing with rejection and refusing an invitation from a friend to engage in inappropriate behavior.
In general, the program is sequential, with some skills built on previously presented skills. For instance, the making a friend and greeting an acquaintance skills provide behaviors prerequisite to maintaining a conversation, presented in Session Five. In addition, relaxing when upset is seen as prerequisite to the coping skills that follow (e.g., handling a reprimand, dealing with rejection). However, in some circumstances it may be appropriate to provide instruction of an isolated skill.
INSTRUCTIONAL METHODOLOGY
People Smart adopts a direct instruction methodology (Rosenshine, 1976). Direct instruction refers to an active teaching process with fast paced teacher - student interaction (Carnine, Granzin and Becker, 1988). The skill to be taught is broken into its teachable components. The skill is modeled, there is ample opportunity for student responding/practice, error correction is immediate and motivational strategies are often employed. In direct instruction, both teacher and students are active participants in the instructional process.
Most sessions of People Smart are similar in structure. The session starts with a review of the skill taught in the previous session. Students are asked to role play use of a skill assigned as homework. A new skill is then introduced by a story designed to capture attention and provide a context for discussion. Typically, the story describes a character beset by a problem that requires a specific social skill. Questions are provided to facilitate discussion of the story.
Following the story and discussion, students are asked to provide a definition or description of the skill introduced by the story. For instance, in session eight, students are asked to identify how to effectively give advice to another person. Acceptable recommendations are written on the board. This strategy is used to elicit student involvement and provide student "ownership" or endorsement of the skill to be taught. The instructor then summarizes the student suggestions into a skill definition that is also written on the board. This definition is the basis for role played demonstrations that follow. The instructor also asks students to discriminate role played examples from nonexamples of the skill. Volunteer students then role play the skill with feedback provided by the instructor and classmates. When appropriate, all students are provided an opportunity to practice the skill in small groups. A description of a homework assignment concludes the session.
Between sessions students are asked to write an ending to a story describing a main character successfully using the skill. This activity promotes cognitive rehearsal of the skill defintion.
TEACHING CHARACTERISTICS THAT PROMOTE SUCCESS
A variety of teacher instructional behaviors have been related to classroom behavior and learning outcomes. A review of these can be found in Borg and Ascione (1982) and Algozzine and Ysseldyke (1992) . Below are teaching behaviors that will facilitate success of the program.
INSTRUCTOR ENTHUSIASM
It is important that the instructor display enthusiasm, interest and communicate the importance of skills being taught. Enthusiasm in best communicated by tone of voice as well as sharing brief personal experiences of skill use.
ORGANIZATION
The instructor should be sufficiently familiar with the sequence of tasks in a session to move efficiently from one activity to another. Delays and long transitions invite off task behavior and negatively affect the instructor's credibility.
GAINING AND MAINTAINING STUDENT ATTENTION
It is imperative that student attention be gained before beginning and that attention be maintained throughout the session. Avoid making repeated requests for attention and talking above background noise. A single request for attention made in a firm voice with eye contact with the class is often helpful. Maintain eye contact and wait for attention to be provided. Should students lose attention, stop until attention is regained.
It is also helpful to instruct students in a routine that prompts attention. A routine requires use of a stimulus such as a phrase or signal to which students are instructed to immediately direct attention to the instructor.
CLEAR, UNDERSTANDABLE INSTRUCTIONS/DIRECTIONS
Student involvement depends upon clear, unambiguous communication. Instructions should be worded positively as simple commands. It is often helpful to provide a concrete example. Avoid use of multiple requests, vague language and rambling.
FAST PACING
As with all direct instruction, pacing should be rapid and efficient.
USE OF CHANGE-UPS
An interesting instructor elicits more attention than a dull instructor. Change-ups refer to instructor behaviors that prompt attention of students. These consist of movement about the class, making eye contact at a random and variable rate with individual students, changes in tone and volume of voice, changes in facial expression, use of hand movements and gestures as well as use of humor.
FREQUENT STUDENT RESPONDING
The program invites student responding at a high rate. Student responding is prompted by story discussion questions, role plays, opinion polls, composition of story endings and other activities. Lecture is held to a minimum.
POSITIVE QUESTIONING
Positive questioning refers to how a question is framed. The question is asked of the entire class. The instructor then pauses while making eye contact with all students. A specific student is then called upon. In this way, all students are expected to derive a response to a question with feedback following the response of an individual student.
RANDOM QUESTIONING
At times it is helpful to call on students in a random manner so that each student in the class has an equal opportunity of being asked to respond. This can be done by writing student names on popsicle sticks that are placed in a jar. Sticks are randomly picked to determine a respondent.
REPETITION
Repetition is one way of transferring information from short term memory to long term memory. While repetition is built into the instructional program, it is important that the instructor supplement by reviewing and rehearsing regularly.
PRAISE AND RECOGNITION OF APPROPRIATE RESPONSES
Praise can strengthen appropriate behavior and student involvement. It is important that praise be delivered immediately following a desired response, that it describe the behavior, and that an enthusiastic voice be employed.
POSITIVE ERROR CORRECTION
Correction of inappropriate responses should consist of a clear statement of the appropriate response with an immediate opportunity for the student to make the correct response. Emphasis is placed on the correct response rather than the incorrect response.
GENERALIZATION
Generalization refers to the use of taught skills in the natural environment. If students do not employ skills taught, the value of instructional time is held in question. Lack of generalization is seen as a major threat to the efficacy of social skills instructional programs with at risk and special education populations (DuPaul and Eckert, 1994). Strategies that promote generalization are identified by DuPaul and Eckert (1994) and Stokes and Osness (1989).
People Smart seeks to promote generalization of skills by three methods: 1.) formal homework assignments requiring practice of the skill in the natural environment; 2.) use of examples and situations that approximate student experiences in their social environments and 3.) peer involvement (i.e., sanctioning) in defining and describing social skills presented.
Each session concludes with a homework assignment to employ the skill taught. The skill is reviewed at the outset of the next session and a drawing is held to identify students who used the skill. These students are provided rewards (e.g., treats) at the end of the session for complying with homework requests.
Role plays are used to model use of the skill as well as provide practice. Situations for role plays are provided by students and also suggested in the curriculum. Attempts are made to match situations with those encountered by students in their daily lives.
While a formal definition of each skill is provided by the program, students are requested to brainstorm and derive a definition or description of skill use. In this way, students become involved in describing the skill and sanctioning its use as "student approved." The formal definition provided by the program is described to students as a summary of their descriptions.
Users of People Smart may find improvement in generalization by use of other strategies. These might include home notes to parents describing the skill taught, staging opportunities to use a skill in the school setting and prompts by teachers and parents to encourage use of a specific skill. Posters providing skill definitions are found at the end of the program. These may be photocopied for distribution to parents, teachers and the students themselves in an effort to promote generalization and use of skills.
PRESENTATION TO EXCEPTIONAL POPULATIONS
As indicated above, People Smart is designed and written for presentation in regular classroom settings to regular education students. It is felt that this population is able to apply and adapt the skills readily to their social environments. At risk and special education students will likely require greater assistance in transferring the skills into their social environments. As a result, use of the program with such populations requires greater efforts to generalize skills.
Students with language or cognitive deficits may also be challenged by some aspects of the program. For instance, such students may experience difficulty with the story writing activities, comprehension of introductory stories or brainstorming activities. As a result, adjustments may be required for these students.
The program can readily be used with regular education students in small group settings. Pairing at risk or special education students with regular education students in smaller groups may be successful.
THE NEED FOR RESEARCH VALIDATION
Little systematic research has been conducted on the efficacy of teaching social skills as a preventive mental health endeavor in the regular classroom setting. As a result, programs such as the one presented in the following pages should be viewed as experimental and subjected to well controlled validation studies before any claims of effectiveness or success are made.
REFERENCES
Algozzine, B. and Ysseldyke, J. (1992). Strategies and Tactics for Effective Instruction. Denver, Colorado: Sopris West.
Borg, W. and Ascione, F. (1982). Classroom Management in Elementary Mainstreaming Classrooms. Journal of Educational Psychology, 74, 85-95.
Carnine, D., Granzin, A., and Becker, W. (1988). Direct Instruction. In Graden, J., Zins, J. and Curtis, M. (Eds.), Alternative Educational Delivery Systems: Enhancing Instructional Options for All Children (pp. 327-349). Washington, D.C.: The National Assoc. of School Psychologists.
DuPaul, J. and Eckert, T. (1994). The Effects of Social Skills Curricula: Now You See Them, Now You Don't. School Psychology Quarterly, 9, 113-132.
Goldstein, A. (1988). The Prepare Curriculum. Champaign, Illinois: Research Press.
Goldstein, A., Sprafkin, R., Gershaw, N. and Klein, P. (1980). Skillstreaming the Adolescent. Champaign, Illinois: Research Press.
Hazel, J., Schumaker, J., Sherman, J., and Sheldon-Wildgen, J. (1981). ASSET: A Social Skills Program for Adolescents. Champaign, Illinois: Research Press.
Kupersmidt, J., Coie, J. and Dodge, K. (1990). The Role of Poor Peer Relationships in the Development of Disorder. In Asher, S. and Coie, J. (Eds.), Peer Rejection in Childhood
(pp. 274-305). New York, New York: Cambridge.
Parker, J. and Asher, S. (1987). Peer Relations and Later Personal Adjustment: Are Low-Accepted Children at Risk? Psychological Bulletin, 102, 357-389.
Rosenshine, B. (1976). Recent Research on Teaching Behavior and Student Achievement. Journal of Teacher Education, 27, 61-64.
Stokes, T. and Osness, P. (1989). An Operant Pursuit of Generalization. Behavior Therapy, 20, 337-355.
Walker, H., McConnell, S. Holmes, D., Todis, B. Walker, J., and Golden, H. (1983). The Walker Social Skills Curriculum: The ACCEPTS Program. Austin, Texas: Pro-Ed.
Walker, H., Todis, B., Holmes, D., and Horton, G. (1988). The Walker Social skills Curriculum: The ACCESS Program. Austin, Texas: Pro-Ed.
PART ONE
RELATIONSHIP BUILDING SKILLS
SESSION ONE
PROGRAM INTRODUCTION
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide a definition of social skills and describe program content.
DEFINITION OF SOCIAL SKILLS: Social skills are what we do to make friends, get along, and solve problems with others.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Introduce self
Activity - Identify appealing story characters and associated social skills
Define social skills
Activity - describe social skills of a best friend
Describe purpose and structure of class
SESSION LENGTH: 35 minutes
SESSION ONE
PROGRAM INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCE SELF
Share information about yourself in order to be more familiar to students. This is important since an atmosphere of openness and sharing is necessary for the success of the program.
Indicate to students that since you will be working with them for a considerable period of time, it is important that they know a little bit about you.
Information besides your name that might be shared is:
Marital status
Family description
Interests and hobbies
Pets
Favorite movies, music, etc.
ACTIVITY - IDENTIFYING APPEALING STORY CHARACTERS AND ASSOCIATED SOCIAL SKILLS
The following stories describe two characters. One character exhibits a particular social skill(s) while the other demonstrates weakness in this skill(s). Read several or all of the stories. After each story, take a poll to identify which character is most appealing. Ask students to identify what characteristics make one story character more appealing than the other. Write a summary of the characteristics on the board.
STORY ONE
Consuelo moved to Jefferson Junior High only two months ago. Nonetheless, she has made several new friends. Consuelo often wears a smile, laughs readily and makes it a point to talk with students she does not know.
Tina often walks about the halls with a frown on her face and keeps her head down. She's a strong student but hasn't met any friends since moving to Washington Junior High a couple of months ago.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Friendly, smiles, laughs, talks to students, able to make new friends.
STORY TWO
Todd is an eighth grader who is in two of your classes and lives a couple of streets away from you. Todd almost always smiles and says hello when he sees you. It's hard to feel lonely with Todd around.
Mark is also in a couple of your classes and lives next to Todd. Mark seldom speaks to you, even though his locker is next to yours.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Says hello, smiles, friendly
STORY THREE
Alexis often butts into conversations and talks about things no one else is talking about. Yesterday you were talking with a friend about a party. Alexis rudely interrupted your conversation to announce she received an A on an English test.
Carol is very polite. She listens when people are speaking and waits patiently to join a conversation.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Polite, patient, waits turn, listens well.
STORY FOUR
Talking to Bill is like watching a river run. It never stops. Yesterday you sat next to Bill at lunch. He talked non stop. You hardly said a thing.
Miguel usually listens when you talk and doesn't hog the conversation. Yesterday you had an interesting conversation with him about U.F.O.'s.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Listens, shares a conversation, talks about things of interest to you.
STORY FIVE
Carrie is very patient when joining a game. Last Saturday she patiently watched while you and a friend were playing a video game. When the game ended, she politely asked to play.
Andrea makes a commotion while waiting to join a game. Last Saturday she demanded to play the winner as you and a friend played video games.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Patient, waits to join games, waits her turn.
STORY SIX
Abdul is often heard telling his teammates what they did well on the basketball court. He frequently gives high fives and even congratulates opponents for their good play.
Brad often reminds his teammates when they make an error. Yesterday he complained loudly about the poor play of several of his basketball teammates.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Praises, enthusiastic, notices the good things instead of the bad things.
STORY SEVEN
Emma sits next to you in math. At least four or five times each class she tells you how to correctly do math problems. Sometimes the suggestions are helpful but often you don't need or want help.
Kathy is available if you need help. For some reason you always feel comfortable asking her for assistance. You don't go away feeling like a dumbbell.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Patient, positive, only offers help when needed.
STORY EIGHT
If Carlos tells you he likes something, then you know he really likes it. If he tells you he doesn't like something, then you know he really doesn't like it. Carlos is easy to read, up front and honest. Yesterday Carlos walked away from a conversation that described a friend in a negative way.
Richard tells you what you want to hear. He always tries to be cool and part of the group. The other day Richard agreed to go swimming in the lake on Saturday even though he dislikes swimming.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Honest, courageous, able to make decisions for himself, not affected by peer pressure
STORY NINE
Don't cross Wanda. She really loses her cool when she gets mad. A few weeks ago she got mad at a teacher and started yelling in class. Wanda's fun but when she explodes, watch out.
Christine seems to be able to keep her cool and is quite level headed. Incredibly, last week some kids were calling her names right to her face. Christine just relaxed, turned around and calmly walked away.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Self control, thinks before she acts.
STORY TEN
Reggie is on your softball team. In ten games your team has gone down to defeat each time. Reggie keeps cheering the team on, however, claiming that the next game will bring victory.
Ben, a fellow teammate, threw his mitt to the ground and kicked dirt on top of it after the softball team's last loss. He then said he wasn't playing again on a team that couldn't win a single game.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Accepts defeat well, cheerful, good sportsmanship, able to enjoy a game even if he loses.
STORY ELEVEN
Karen asked you to go to the movies with her. You explained that you wanted to study for a test and besides, your parents had several chores for you to complete. Karen continued to ask and plead with you to go to the movie. You feel like you can't say no to Karen because she'll do whatever it takes to get her way.
Even though you love to do things with Susan, you know she'll understand if you don't want to do something or can't do something. Yesterday you told Susan you were too tired to go swimming. She then asked you what you would rather do instead.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Understanding, patient, flexible, shares, accepts no for an answer
STORY TWELVE
Both Alex and George are on your basketball team. Neither has played basketball before this year. You enjoy helping George because he seems eager to improve his game and appreciates suggestions.
Alex also seems to want to improve his game. However, when you offer him advice or pointers, he gives you the cold shoulder and seems to be offended. Yesterday, in an important game, you suggested to Alex at half time that he keep his hands up on defense. Alex walked away saying in an irritated voice, "I know how to play."
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Accepts criticism, wants to learn, not defensive, relaxed
STORY THIRTEEN
Last month Toya lost one of your favorite C.D.'s. You felt terrible and so did she. Toya readily apologized and offered to replace the C.D. she lost.
Recently Trisha broke the gears on your bike while riding it in the hills outside of town. Trisha never mentioned breaking the gears when she returned the bike. Today, Trisha asked to borrow your skis. You're not sure about lending them to Trisha.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Accepts responsibility for her actions, apologizes, seems to understand how you feel
STORY FOURTEEN
You've known Chris for years. He often complains about several kids at school who don't like him. He said that yesterday he heard them talking about him. Chris just can't get this problem out of his mind. He now wants you to tell these kids to leave him alone.
Sione knows some kids at school don't like him. He's not sure why they don't like him and why they talk about him. Sione stays away from these kids and enjoys his friendship with several other students, including you.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Avoids confrontations, stays relaxed, stays under control, able to accept not being liked.
STORY FIFTEEN
On the way to school today, a group of students asked Fernanda to sluff school and go to one of their homes to play video games. Fernanda politely said no and suggested that they go to her house after school to play video games. Fernanda attended school while the other students did not.
The same group asked Marie to sluff school as well. Marie felt she needed to be in school since she had a math test first period. However, the group managed to talk Marie into sluffing.
APPEALING CHARACTERISTICS: Able to stay out of trouble, resists peer pressure, courageous.
DEFINE SOCIAL SKILLS
Write the following definition on the board and briefly discuss.
Social skills are what we do to make friends, get along, and solve problems with others.
Indicate that numerous social skills are written on the board.
ACTIVITY - DESCRIBE SOCIAL SKILLS OF A BEST FRIEND
Ask students to think about a best or good friend. The person can be a present friend or a past friend. Ask students to write on a piece of paper characteristics of that person that are appealing, that help maintain your friendship. Mention that reviewing the characteristics on the board may help recognition of positive characteristics of a friend.
Indicate that names should not be placed on the papers since responses will be shared with the class.
Circulate about the class offering assistance to students in need.
Collect papers and shuffle them to assure anonymity. Read responses of several students.
Indicate that many of the characteristics most valued in friends are social skills.
DESCRIBE PURPOSE AND STRUCTURE OF CLASS
Describe that the purpose of the class is designed to help develop and strengthen social skills.
Indicate that if successful, students will be able to do some of the following things at the end of the class:
Make new friends when you don't know anyone.
Feel comfortable being friendly with people you don't
know well.
Make people feel happy you've joined their conversation.
Keep a conversation going for as long as you wish.
Make it more likely people will say yes when you ask
to join a game.
Feel comfortable complimenting other people.
Give advice so people will listen.
Stay relaxed and under control when upset.
Accept losing.
Feel better about taking no for an answer.
Accept and learn from criticism.
Respond when you're in trouble so you don't get
into more trouble.
Apologize.
Control and express anger.
Deal with someone who is talking about a friend.
Deal with rejection.
Keep yourself and friends out of trouble.
Describe how the class will be structured in terms of when sessions will be held.
SESSION TWO
MAKING FRIENDS
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students skills to make a new friend.
SKILL DEFINITION:
MAKING A FRIEND:
1. Be friendly
Make eye contact
Smile
Use a happy voice
2. Say hello
3. Say your name
4. Ask the person's name
5. Ask questions in order to have a conversation
6. Invite
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Student sharing - examples of making a new friend
Student brainstorming - how to make a new friend
Skill Definition - making a new friend
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student generated rationales for use of the skill
Student brainstorming - questions to be asked
Student role plays
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION TWO
MAKING FRIENDS
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked after the story is completed.
A LONG AND LONELY DAY
"I thought this was going to be fun," said Marie to herself as she slowly strolled alone down the sidewalk toward Washington Junior High. The first rays of dawn lifted over the mountains and bathed Marie in a soft light. The early morning air was now a bit warmer.
Marie heard footsteps rapidly approaching from behind. Several students were discussing a homework assignment in an English class. The group of students moved around Marie, again leaving her a solitary figure on the sidewalk.
"They're just a bunch of snobs," she said to herself in disgust. "I hate this school. Everyone is so unfriendly."
Marie's mind wandered back to the days of sixth grade at Jefferson Elementary. She knew every sixth grader and most of the fifth graders. The only time she walked alone to school then was when she was late. And Marie hated to be late - there was just too much going on at Jefferson that was fun.
As Marie approached the large glass doors of the junior high, a student cheerfully said hello to her. Marie put her head down, mumbled a greeting and quickly walked toward her locker. Marie sandwiched herself between two girls to gain access to her locker. She slowly turned the knob and listened as one of the girls started a conversation with the other. "See, they won't talk to me," she muttered to herself in a convincing manner.
Marie banged the locker shut and walked with head down toward her English class, certain that this was going to be a long and lonely day.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. How does Marie feel?
ANSWER: Lonely, sad, abandoned, upset, discouraged, resentful.
2. Have you ever felt like Marie? Please explain.
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
3. Marie thinks all the students at Washington Junior are unfriendly. Do you think this is true?
ANSWER: No.
4. What does Marie do that might cause some students to be unfriendly to her?
ANSWER: She does not make eye contact; she looks away; she looks sad; she does not speak to other students.
5 What would you recommend to Marie?
ANSWER: To be more friendly, to make a new friend, to talk with the other students, to smile.
Accept any reasonable response.
STUDENT SHARING - EXAMPLES OF MAKING A NEW FRIEND
Indicate to students that Marie, the character in the story, would feel much happier if she made friends. Ask students to describe personal examples of making a friend. It may be helpful for the instructor to model by sharing such an experience. It may also be helpful to prompt responses by asking students to think of a best friend and how they came to be friends with that person. Encourage students to be specific in what they did to initiate and establish the friendship.
An alternative exercise involves students taking a few minutes to write a description of how and when they met a close of best friend. This theme can be entitled My Best Friend. Volunteers are asked to read their descriptions. Through questioning establish the specific activities used to initiate and build the friendship.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - HOW TO MAKE A FRIEND
Ask students to identify the steps taken to make a new friend. Prompt student responses by asking for descriptions of facial expression, voice quality, and what one would say. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write student responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - MAKING A NEW FRIEND
Summarize student responses into the following solution
1. Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
2. Say hello.
3. Say your name.
4. Ask the person's name.
5. Ask questions in order to have a conversation.
6. Invite.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
With volunteer students model the skill a few times. Ask students to provide a grade based on the skill definition. Review if each step in the skill was demonstrated. Situations in which a new friend could be made are described below or can be suggested by students.
Indicate to students that several role plays will follow in which errors may be present. Ask students to observe carefully, assess if each skill component is present, and be prepared to give a grade. With volunteer students, randomly role play examples and nonexamples of the skill. In nonexamples, omit parts such as failing to invite, or failing to be friendly. After each role play call on students to provide a grade and feedback.
SITUATIONS:
1. You are a new student at a school. You are opening your locker while another student you don't recognize is opening a locker next to yours.
2. You have joined a volleyball team and know few of your teammates. Before a practice, you see another player waiting near the volleyball court.
3. You are assigned a partner in shop class. You don't recognize the person as you sit at a table next to him/her.
4. A new student enters your English class and is assigned a seat next to yours.
5. You are visiting your grandparents for the summer and notice a boy about your age shooting baskets in his driveway.
6. Your are at the school dance and notice a boy you don't recognize.
STUDENT GENERATED RATIONALES FOR USE OF THE SKILL
Request students to write each of the six steps on a piece of paper, leaving several lines between each step. Ask students to write reasons why the first step, be friendly, is important. Ask students to share their responses. Write these rationales on the board. In this way, work through each of the skill steps. Students may work individually or in groups of two or three.
BE FRIENDLY:
Shows you are interested in being a friend.
People are more likely to be friendly back.
People are more likely to carry on a conversation and accept an invitation.
People are more likely to interact with you in the future.
SAY YOUR NAME AND ASK PERSON'S NAME:
Shows you are interested in getting to know the person.
In order to be a friend, a person needs to know who you are.
In order to a friend, you need to know who the other person is.
People like to hear their name said. You can say the person's name while you talk.
Knowing the person's name, you can introduce the person to your other friends.
ASK QUESTIONS:
You get to know the person.
The person gets to know you.
Supports a conversation.
It is more likely the person will be a friend if you know about each other.
Person is more likely to accept an invitation if he/she knows you.
INVITE:
Shows you are friendly and want to share time with the person.
Gives you an opportunity to get to know the person better as you share time in an activity.
Provides an opportunity to have fun together.
Person is more likely to invite you in the future.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - QUESTIONS TO BE ASKED
For many students, carrying on a conversation with an unfamiliar person is the most difficult part of making a new friend. Indicate that often questions follow from the situation in which you find yourself. For instance, when sitting next to an unfamiliar student on the school bus or in the cafeteria, questions might be about school. When meeting a new friend on a basketball team, questions might be about basketball or other sports.
Ask students to identify questions that might be asked for each of the following situations. Write responses on the board.
1. SITTING ACROSS FROM AN UNFAMILIAR STUDENT IN THE CAFETERIA
What grade are you in?
How old are you?
What teacher do you have for a specific subject?
How do you like the food?
Any question relating to experiences common to all students such as a recent program.
2. A NEW NEIGHBOR OF APPROXIMATELY YOUR AGE MOVES NEXT DOOR
Where did you live before?
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
What grade are you in?
What do you like to do?
Do you need help moving?
How do you like your new house?
3. YOU JUST STARTED WORKING AT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT. YOU ARE TAKING A BREAK, SITTING AT A TABLE. AN EMPLOYEE YOUR AGE SITS AT THE SAME TABLE.
How do you like working here?
How long have you worked here?
What job do you like best at the restaurant?
Where do you go to school?
What grade are you in?
Where do you live?
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Ask volunteer students to role play use of the skill. After each role play, ask students to indicate if each of the skill components was present.
In time, increase difficulty by asking the volunteer role player to make friends with a pair of students. Situations can be those listed above or provided by students.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Divide the class into groups of three. One student is to role play making a new friend with a second student. The third student observes and monitors whether all skill components are used. Instruct students to rotate assignments after each role play so that each participant has a chance to fill each role.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Describe that in future sessions names of students will be drawn randomly for some exercises. Ask students to write their name on a slip of paper. Place these slips in a jar.
Instruct students to make a new friend prior to the next session. Indicate that excellent opportunities arise at school.
Describe that at the outset of the next session, names of students will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to provide a description of making a new friend as well as provide a role play will earn a surprise reward.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of making a new friend at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character making a new friend.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character successfully making a new friend.
LOST IN THE LUNCH ROOM
Carrying a tray full of hot pizza, a muffin and strawberry jello, Juan looked about the lunch room. A frown covered his face as he was unable to find his friends. The room was very crowded with few empty seats. After walking about for a couple of minutes, Juan took a seat across from a boy who looked like a fellow seventh grader.
SESSION THREE
GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide skills to greet a familiar person who is not a close friend.
SKILL DEFINITION:
GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE:
1. Be friendly
Make eye contact
Smile
Use a happy voice
2. Say hello
3. Say person's name
4. Ask a question or make a comment
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Definition - acquaintance
Student descriptions of acquaintances
Discussion of differences between greeting a friend and greeting an acquaintance
Student brainstorming - greeting an acquaintance
Skill definition - greeting an acquaintance
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student brainstorming - rationales for greeting acquaintances
Student role plays
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION THREE
GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, A Long and Lonely Day, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Two and its definition.
MAKING A NEW FRIEND
1. Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
2. Say hello.
3. Say your name.
4. Ask the person's name.
5. Ask questions in order to have a conversation.
6. Invite.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she made a new friend since the last session. If the student is able to describe making a new friend and complete a role play with a volunteer student, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate to students that questions will be asked after the story is completed.
HIDING IN THE DAIRY SECTION
Alex Fernandez covered his eyes from the blinding sun as his mother pulled into a parking space in front of Grovers Discount Groceries.
"Alex, here is a list of groceries I need you to buy at Grovers. Take this fifty dollar bill and don't forget to buy the chunked pineapple. I need it for the salad tonight."
Alex pulled down the sun visor and then took the list from his mother's hand.
"Wow, this is lot of stuff. It'll take hours!" complained Alex with emotion.
"Don't exaggerate Alex. It won't take hours. Besides, with the appetite you and your brother have, we keep Grovers in business."
"Can I buy some candy bars?" implored Alex with a smile.
"Yes, but just one," stated Mrs. Fernandez. "I'm going to drive downtown to drop some shoes off at the shoe repair store. I'll be back in about 40 minutes to help."
"How about a new baseball cap?" asked Alex, a twinkle in his eye.
"Sorry Alex. Just stick to the items on the list."
Alex waved goodbye to his mom and headed toward the entrance of Grovers. He studied the list as he walked.
"All right! Mom put down all the right cereals," he said to himself.
Alex managed to free a cart that was stuck in a row of other shopping carts and headed down the aisle containing canned goods.
"I'd better get the pineapple first. Mom will have a cow if I forget."
In several minutes Alex approached the bakery in search of dinner rolls. Ahead he saw Mr. Donaldson, his English teacher, inspecting boxes of donuts. Alex hesitated and decided to turn and head for the dairy section. He wasn't sure what to say to Mr. Donaldson. Besides, Mr. Donaldson had given him only a C on his latest book report.
The load was considerably heavier after Alex placed three gallons of milk and a large tub of margarine in the bottom of the cart. He strolled past the meat department and toward the produce aisle. Alex turned down the produce aisle and saw Mr. Donaldson again. His teacher was inspecting a cantaloupe by sniffing it. "Fussy, isn't he," thought Alex.
Alex skillfully made a U turn and headed out of the produce area. "Wow, I sure hope I don't see him again," thought Alex nervously.
Alex studied his list and determined it was time to make an important selection from the candy bar rack. He headed across the back aisle of the store and passed several intersecting aisles, keeping an eye out for Mr. Donaldson as he went. Finally, reaching the candy aisle, Alex carefully peeked around the corner to be sure Mr. Donaldson was not present. Relieved, he merrily pushed the wagon in front of what looked like an endless row of candy bars.
"I certainly deserve this after all the work I've done," Alex said to himself approvingly.
Alex finally settled upon a chocolate bar with nuts. As he reached for the largest one, a hand quickly removed the candy bar from the rack. With surprise, Alex looked up. Mr. Donaldson was staring at him with a smile.
Alex felt a twinge in his stomach as he struggled to find the right words.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why did Alex avoid Mr. Donaldson in the bakery and again in the produce section of the store?
ANSWER: He didn't know what to say to Mr. Donaldson.
Mr. Donaldson had given him only a C on a book report.
2. How did Alex feel when he saw Mr. Donaldson in the bakery and the produce area?
ANSWER: Anxious, nervous, afraid.
3. Why is Alex unable to find the right words to say to Mr. Donaldson?
ANSWER: He's nervous and can't think clearly.
4. When Alex saw Mr. Donaldson in the bakery, he turned and left the area. What else could Alex have done?
ANSWER: Greet Mr. Donaldson
DEFINITION - ACQUAINTANCE
Write the following definition on the board.
An acquaintance is someone you know who is not a close friend.
Identify Mr. Donaldson, the character in the story, as an acquaintance of Alex.
Describe personal examples of acquaintances such as individuals with whom you work or an individual living in your neighborhood. Emphasize that the following are often characteristics of acquaintances:
1. You know their name.
2. They often know your name.
3. You have interacted with the person.
4. You know something about the person.
5. The person is not a close friend who you choose to spend a lot of time with.
STUDENT DESCRIPTIONS OF ACQUAINTANCES
Ask students to describe acquaintances. Review if individual meets the characteristics listed above of an acquaintance.
DISCUSSION OF DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GREETING A FRIEND AND GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
Ask students to describe different ways in which they greet a close friend. Discuss whether these methods would be appropriate for Alex, the character in the story above, to have used in greeting Mr. Donaldson.
Describe that greeting a friend is usually easy because you see the person often, talk with the person often and share many experiences together.
Indicate that greeting an acquaintance is often harder than greeting a friend. Often people are uncertain what to say when greeting an acquaintance.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
Ask students to describe how to best greet an acquaintance. Prompt responses by discussing the case of Alex in the story above. Ask students to identify facial expression, tone of voice and statements or questions to be made by Alex. Accept only socially appropriate responses. Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
Indicate that student responses recorded on the board can be summarized into the following skill definition. Write the definition on the board.
GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
Say hello.
Say person's name.
Ask a question or make a comment.
Often the question is about what the person is
doing or how the person is doing.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
With volunteer students model the skill a few times. Ask students to provide a grade based on the skill definition. Review if each step in the skill was demonstrated. Emphasize that the question or comment made in the role play concerns what the person is doing or how the person is doing. Descriptions of situations can be found below or use situations described by students.
Indicate to students that several role plays will follow in which errors may be present. Ask students to observe carefully, assess if each skill component is present, and be prepared to give a grade. With volunteer students, randomly role play examples and nonexamples of the skill. In nonexamples, omit parts such as failing to be friendly or failing to say the person's name.
SITUATIONS
1. Mr. Anderson lives in the house behind yours. You notice Mr. Anderson walking his dog past your driveway as you shoot baskets.
2. You are in line to ride the roller coaster at an amusement park. Alice, a student you recognize from another grade at your school, joins the line behind you.
3. Mrs. Carmichael, your math teacher, passes you in the hall. She is carrying a large box.
4. Your sister's friend, Stacy, enters the pet store as you are leaving.
5. You sit down at a table in the library across from a classmate, Randy, who is reading a book.
6. It is a very hot day. You climb on the school bus and sit next to Alex who was in your sixth grade class in elementary school.
7. You're riding your mountain bike in the hills behind your home. You come around a curve and see Linda, a girl who lives a couple of blocks from you, standing with her bike on the trail.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - RATIONALES FOR GREETING ACQUAINTANCES
Ask students to take a few moments to think of an acquaintance who frequently greets them. Indicate that this individual may be an adult or an agemate, a neighbor or a teacher, a current acquaintance or a past acquaintance. Ask for volunteers to describe how the person greets. Explore student attitudes toward being greeted by this individual.
Ask students to identify reasons for greeting acquaintances. Write responses on the board. Descriptions of rationales follow.
RATIONALES FOR GREETING ACQUAINTANCES
People will think of you as friendly.
A good way to start a conversation in order to get to know a person better.
People will greet you more often.
Makes people feel good.
People who are friendly often make more friends and are invited more often.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Ask volunteer students to demonstrate the skill in role plays with either the instructor or another student. Employ situations described above or those suggested by students. Ask the class to observe carefully and provide feedback based on the steps identified above.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Divide the class into groups of three. One student is to role play greeting an acquaintance played by a second student. The third student observes and monitors whether all skill components are used. Instruct students to rotate assignments after each role play so that each participant has a chance to fill each role.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to greet an acquaintance prior to the next session. Indicate at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe greeting an acquaintance, as well as provide a role play, will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of greeting an acquaintance at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character successfully greeting the acquaintance. Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character successfully greeting an acquaintance.
HORROR AT THE MOVIES
Beth shivered as an icy cold wind blew into her face. She wondered if the movie she was waiting in line to see was going to be worth such discomfort. This movie was guaranteed to scare the socks off the bravest viewer. Looking up, Beth saw a classmate, Tonika Adams, emerge from the theatre. Tonika’s eyes were huge and she too was shivering. Tonika slowly moved toward Beth.
SESSION FOUR
JOINING A CONVERSATION
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide skills to join a conversation in a socially appropriate manner.
SKILL DEFINITION:
JOINING A CONVERSATION
1. Be friendly
Make eye contact
Smile
Use a happy voice
2. Wait for a pause
3. Listen
4. Greet when pause occurs
5. Ask a question or make a comment about what people are talking about.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from pervious session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Share experiences of having a conversation interrupted
Activity - writing alternative ending to a story
Student brainstorming - joining a conversation
Skill definition - joining a conversation
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes.
SESSION FOUR
JOINING A CONVERSATION
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Hiding in the Dairy Section, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Three and its definition.
GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
1. Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
2. Say hello.
3. Say the person's name.
4. Ask a question or make a comment.
Often the question or comment is about what the person is doing or how the person is doing.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she greeted an acquaintance since the last session. If the student is able to describe greeting an acquaintance and complete a role play with a volunteer student, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate to students that questions will be asked after the story is completed.
A HAWAIIAN DREAM
Marie Fredrickson was glad she sat at the back of Mrs. Carlisle's geography class. Since school began today she found great difficulty focusing on her work. All morning Marie's mind drifted to the events of last night - one of the most exciting evenings of her 14 years. The lecture presented by Mrs. Carlisle faded from Marie's attention as she lived again the unforgettable experience.
Marie remembered the sound of music blaring from her c.d. player as she lay on her bed drawing a picture of her favorite friend, Allison. Suddenly, the door to her room burst open. Her father stood at the entrance to the room, a huge smile covering his face. The gleam in his eye told Marie something unusual was happening.
"Marie, come on downstairs and have a seat with your brother and mom on the sofa. I have a little surprise for all of you."
"Cool!" said Marie in an excited voice. "What is it?"
"Just wait and you'll see," assured Mr. Fredrickson in a confident voice.
"Well at least I'm not in trouble," thought Marie as she bounded down the stairs with her father right behind. She found her ten year old brother, Adam, already seated on the sofa.
"Hey isn't this cool?" asked Adam in a high pitched voice as he squirmed in excitement at the end of the large sofa.
"Yea, but what's going on Adam?" asked Marie, still confused by the excitement in the air.
"Dad's got something really cool for all of us but he won't tell," explained Adam.
Marie decided to sit at the opposite side of the sofa from her brother. His pestering, poking and comments often annoyed her.
Within moments, Mrs. Fredrickson arrived in the room.
"Sit here mom," requested Marie as she spread her hand across the middle cushion of the sofa.
"All right, the great moment has arrived," announced Mr. Fredrickson. "Your attention please."
Mr. Fredrickson insisted that his wife and two children close their eyes and hold out open hands.
Marie remembered clearly the shock she experienced when she opened her eyes to find a round-trip airline ticket to Hawaii lying across her palm. She screamed and shook with excitement. After hugging her mom and dad, she demanded to know when the family was leaving.
Marie's attention was drawn back to the classroom as she heard her name called by Mrs. Carlisle. "Marie, are you with us or visiting another planet, dear?" questioned Mrs. Carlisle in a kind voice.
Marie looked about to see several students staring at her. "Sorry, Mrs. Carlisle, I was daydreaming."
Mrs. Carlisle continued her lecture from the front of the class.
Within minutes the bell rang signaling the start of lunch. Marie happily bounded out of the classroom into a noisy hall filled with students. After depositing a number of books in her locker, she walked among hundreds of students toward the lunchroom. Ahead, Marie recognized the figure of two of her closest friends, Jane and Becky. They were standing in front of the door to the office. "Wow!" thought Marie. "I must tell them about my trip to Hawaii."
Marie skillfully darted between and around students to reach her friends. She burst between them and excitedly said, "Guess what? I'm going to Hawaii."
Marie's breath was taken away to see that tears covered the face of Becky. Her friend's red eyes immediately told Marie that she had been crying. Marie looked at Jane for an explanation.
"Marie, that was rude!" scolded Jane in an irritated voice. "Come on, Becky, let's go to the lunchroom and get something to eat."
The two girls briskly turned their heads and walked away, leaving Marie standing dumbfounded in front of the office.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. What caused Marie to experience difficulty paying attention in class?
ANSWER: She kept remembering her experience of last night when her father gave the entire family round trip airline tickets to Hawaii.
2. How does Marie feel after speaking with her two friends, Jane and Becky?
ANSWER: Confused, bewildered, embarrassed, upset.
3. Jane accused Marie of being rude. What did Marie do that Jane thought was rude?
ANSWER: Interrupted a conversation.
Appeared insensitive to Becky, who was crying.
4. How did Jane and Becky feel when Marie interrupted their conversation?
ANSWER: Upset, annoyed, angry, resentful.
5. What should Marie do now?
ANSWER: Apologize.
Accept any reasonable answer.
SHARE EXPERIENCES OF HAVING A CONVERSATION INTERRUPTED
Encourage discussion of student experiences of having a conversation interrupted. Note that often people find it irritating to be interrupted. It may be helpful to provide a model by sharing a personal experience.
ACTIVITY - WRITING ALTERNATIVE ENDING TO A STORY
The following activity may be done individually or in groups of three or four. Ask students to write a happier ending to the story. Indicate that all conditions should remain the same in the story. Review again the story situation by writing the following on the board.
Marie sees her friends standing at the office door.
Becky and Jane are talking. Becky has tears in her eyes.
Marie approaches with the intention of joining the conversation and announcing her trip to Hawaii.
Ask students to share their story endings.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - JOINING A CONVERSATION
Ask students to identify steps to joining a conversation that will not offend others and lead to acceptance into the conversation. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write student responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - JOINING A CONVERSATION
Indicate that student responses recorded on the board can be summarized into the following skill definition. Write definition on the board.
JOINING A CONVERSATION
1. Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
2. Wait for a pause.
3. Listen.
4. Greet when pause occurs.
5. Ask a question or make a comment about what people are talking about.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
Select two volunteer students to role play a conversation. Suggestions for conversation topics follow or can be identified by students. The instructor role plays joining the conversation by using the skill defined above. Ask students to provide a grade based on the skill definition. Review if each skill step was present in the role play. Repeat two or three times.
Describe to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Recruit two or more volunteer students to role play a conversation. Randomly demonstrate appropriate and inappropriate joining of the conversation. At times, make nonexamples subtle by omitting a single skill such smiling or saying names. Ask students to provide a grade based on the skill definition.
SUGGESTIONS FOR CONVERSATION TOPICS
1. Discuss favorite places to visit.
2. Describe favorite vacations.
3. Describe favorite cars.
4. Identify favorite games.
5. Discuss what you did on the weekend.
6. Describe favorite foods.
7. Identify favorite movies and T.V. shows.
8. Discuss what makes a friend special.
9. Identify and describe favorite athletic teams.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request a volunteer student to role play joining a conversation. The volunteer selects other volunteers from the class to be engaged in a conversation which he/she joins. Use conversation topics described above or those provided by students. Following the role play, ask the class to review if each of the skill steps was employed. Continue until several students model the skill.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Divide the class into groups of four. Two students carry on a conversation while the third joins the conversation. The fourth student observes, monitors if each skill step was used and provides feedback at the end of each role play. After each role play, instruct students to rotate parts so that in time each student has a chance to assume each role. Conversation topics are provided above or can be provided by students.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to join a conversation prior to the next session. Identify settings where this might readily be done such as the school cafeteria, school bus or with family members at home. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe joining a conversation, as well as provide a role play, will earn a reward.
Deliver reward to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of joining a conversation at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character successfully joining a conversation.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character successfully joining a conversation.
STREET CORNER CHAT
Adam carefully held his cookies and soda pop as he pushed the screen door open. He walked across the front porch of his home and took a seat on the steps. While munching on the cookies Adam saw two of his friends, Jake Barlow and Stan Fielding, standing at the corner. It appeared that the boys were talking. Adam noticed that Jake was struggling to control his large German Shepard while Stan was holding his small terrier in his arms. Adam put down his drink and cookies and walked the short distance down the street to his friends.
SESSION FIVE
MAINTAINING A CONVERSATION
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide skills to share and maintain a conversation
SKILL DEFINITION:
MAINTAINING A CONVERSATION
1. Take turns asking and answering questions.
If someone asks you a question, answer and ask a question. Often you can ask the same question the person asked you.
2. Share the conversation time.
Everyone talks and listens. One person does not talk most of the time.
3. Talk about the same thing.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Skill definition - maintaining a conversation
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION FIVE
MAINTAINING A CONVERSATION
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, A Hawaiian Dream, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Four and its definition.
JOINING A CONVERSATION
1. Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
2. Wait for a pause.
3. Listen.
4. Greet when the pause occurs.
5. Ask a question or make a comment about what the people are talking about.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she joined a conversation since the last session. If the student is able to describe joining a conversation and complete a role play with other volunteer students, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
THE LONG BUS RIDE
Clutching a large athletic bag that contained numerous articles of clothing as well as his basketball, Michael Atkins hugged his parents goodbye.
"Don't forget to write Mikey. We want to hear from you soon," stated Mrs. Atkins as she kissed her son on the cheek.
Michael was relieved his friends were not present to hear his mother refer to him as Mikey. This would not have been the first time his mother embarrassed him in this way.
"Take care of yourself son and make some shots for me," requested Mr. Atkins in a cheerful voice.
"Okay dad," said Michael as he gave his father a hug and headed for a bus parked at the other end of the school parking lot.
A brilliant June sun warmed Michael as he strolled toward the bus. He had been waiting weeks for the start of the summer basketball camp, this year held at a college campus about 100 miles south of his home. Michael understood the importance of this camp. The basketball coaches at Sommerville Junior used the opportunity to study the skills of participants. While dozens of outstanding players from Sommerville were attending the camp, Michael was confident he could impress the coaches.
Michael welcomed the cool breeze blowing from the air conditioning ducts as he stepped aboard. Not immediately recognizing any close friends, he proceeded back a few rows and sat next to Frank Rose, a boy he shared materials with in art class last year. Frank was peering into a magazine.
"Hi Frank. What are you reading about?" asked Michael in a friendly voice.
"This years N.B.A. playoffs," stated Frank in an excited voice through a mouthful of gum.
"Yea, they were terrific," stated Bill.
"Terrific. They were more than that. Absolutely awesome. Think of it Michael. The series went seven games and there were three overtime games. I mean, you can't beat that," insisted Frank.
"Yea, I thought the best game..."
"The best game was game two," interrupted Frank loudly as he quickly popped a bubble he was blowing. "And that was the most important game. Game two is always the big one. Think about it. If a team wins the first two games in a seven game series, they virtually have it wrapped up. Hey, you want some gum, Michael."
"No thanks Frank. I guess you're right. If you win..."
Michael quickly stopped in the middle of the sentence as Frank threw up his arms.
"Yea, yea, yea, Michael," stated Frank. "If you've got the first two games won, you've got the series won. And you know what, it's not just basketball."
Frank went on to lecture Michael for the next several miles. Although Michael attempted to offer a point at times, he was quickly silenced by Frank's loud and nearly continuous voice. With ears ringing, Michael decided to move to another location in the bus.
"You know Michael, it's going to happen," stated Frank emphatically. "Basketball is going to become the national pastime and be more popular than baseball."
"Yea, you're probably right," interjected Michael quickly. "Hey, I just remembered, I need to tell Alex Cramer something. I'd better go find him. It was nice talking to you Frank," stated Michael as he stood and moved toward the back of the bus.
"Whew!" thought Michael shaking his head. "Remind me never to ask Frank a question again."
Michael tightly gripped his athletic bag in one hand and the metal rung above the seats in the other as he slowly walked toward the back of the bus. He struggled to maintain his balance as the bus traveled around a curve. Michael fell into the only available seat. Looking up, he noticed a boy he did not recognize.
"Hi there. Uh, sorry to crash in on you but I lost my balance. My name's Michael. What's your name?" asked Michael as he pushed his athletic bag under the seat in front of him.
The boy slowly looked up and paused for a moment. "Andy," he said in a quiet voice. The boy then turned his head to look out the window at a passing landscape of trees and green fields.
"So, what grade are you in?" inquired Michael in a happy voice.
"Seventh," stated Andy.
"What position do you like to play?" asked Michael, hoping that Andy would talk with him.
"Uh, forward, I guess," said Andy in a low voice as he continued to look out the window.
"Oh, that's cool," stated Michael. "I like to play forward too although I'm probably better at off guard."
"So, do you play much basketball, Andy?"
"Yea, when I can," replied Andy, still studying the passing scenery.
"This is your first time to the camp?" asked Michael.
"Yea," stated Andy.
Andy turned from the window and reached under the seat ahead for his athletic bag. Michael was curious to see what Andy was reaching for. Andy pulled out a book and began reading. Michael sighed, put his head back and closed his eyes.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why did Michael decide to move to another seat after sitting next to Frank?
ANSWER: Frank did not share the conversation time with Michael. Frank interrupted Michael, spoke too much and did not listen to Michael.
2. How would you feel if you were talking to Frank?
ANSWER: Annoyed, irritated, upset, frustrated.
3. Michael tried to carry on a conversation with Andy. Why did he finally quit, put his head back and close his eyes?
ANSWER: Andy would not respond in more than simple responses and did not ask Michael questions.
4. How would you feel if you were talking to Andy?
ANSWER: Frustrated.
5. Do you think Michael will choose to sit next to Frank or Andy again? Why?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
SKILL DEFINITION - MAINTAINING A CONVERSATION
Describe the main character's frustration in the story. Michael is frustrated by Frank, who talks too much, and by Andy, who will not assist in maintaining a conversation.
Indicate that keeping a conversation going requires three behaviors listed below. Write each on the board and discuss.
1. Take turns asking and answering questions.
If someone asks you a question, answer and ask a question. Often you can ask the same question the person asked you.
2. Share the conversation time.
Everyone talks and listens. One person does not talk most of the time.
3. Talk about the same thing.
Talk and ask questions about what the other person is talking about. Don't change the subject.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
Indicate to students that you and a volunteer student will model the skill several times. Select volunteer students with strong verbal skills who feel uninhibited talking in front of a group. It may be necessary at times to whisper prompts to volunteer students to maintain the flow of the conversation. Start a conversation by use of the greeting or friendship making skills presented previously. Situations are provided below. Ask a student in the class to time each conversation and signal at the end of one minute. Move from modeling a conversation with one volunteer to a conversation with two or more volunteers. After each role play, students are to provide a grade based on the skill definition.
After modeling examples, indicate to students that the next role plays may contain errors. Again, employ volunteer students. Ask students to closely observe your performance and be prepared to give a grade for each role play based on the skill definition. Emphasize that the grade is awarded for your performance, not that of the volunteer student. Mix examples with nonexamples that involve not asking and answering questions, not sharing the conversation time and changing the subject.
SITUATIONS:
MAKE A NEW FRIEND:
A student you don't know sits across from you in the lunchroom.
You sit next to someone you don't know on the bus. The person is reading a book.
You are walking your dog. Your dog stops at a fire hydrant. A person about your age is also walking a dog that stops at the same fire hydrant.
You approach the basketball court at the park and find a boy or girl you don't know shooting baskets.
GREET AN ACQUAINTANCE OR FRIEND:
You see a neighbor at the swimming pool.
You see a classmate at a baseball game.
You see an acquaintance Christmas shopping at a pet store.
You are walking home with a friend at the start of a long weekend.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Indicate to the class that in the following role plays, the entire class is responsible for assisting volunteer students to share a conversation for a minute.
Start by identifying a situation in which the conversation will take place and a topic for the conversation. Students can be helpful in this process. For instance, a situation might involve greeting a friend in a new car showroom. The conversation might then involve favorite cars and experiences with cars.
Ask the class to identify questions that might be asked to maintain a conversation concerning the topic identified. Write responses on the board.
Ask a pair of volunteers to role play the conversation using the identified skills. Should volunteers become "stuck" during the role play, immediately ask for help from the class for a response. Ask for a volunteer to time the role play.
Afterward discuss the role play on the basis of the three parts of maintaining a conversation identified above. Continue in this manner until several role plays are completed.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Instruct the class to break into groups of three. Students identify a situation and topic for a conversation. One student initiates a conversation with a second student using the making a friend skill or greeting skill. The third student times the conversation length, monitors performance and provides feedback at the end of the conversation. After each trial, rotate roles so that each student has a chance to play each of the three roles.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to use the skills identified to maintain a conversation prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe maintaining a conversation, as well as provide a role play, will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of maintaining a conversation at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the story characters successfully maintaining a conversation.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the characters successfully maintaining a conversation.
GOOD FRIENDS
Yen is excited to see her friends Angelita and Amy as she steps aboard the school bus. Yen takes a seat across the aisle from them. She turns and makes eye contact with both Angelita and Amy.
SESSION SIX
JOINING A GAME
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide socially appropriate skills that increase the likelihood of being included in a game.
SKILL DEFINITION:
JOINING A GAME
1. Be friendly
Make eye contact
Smile
Use a happy voice
2. Wait for a pause
3. Greet
4. Make a positive comment about the game
5. Ask politely to play
6. Thank participants if they agree to include you
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Share experiences of someone joining a game in an irritating
manner
Activity - writing alterative ending to a story
Student brainstorming - joining a game
Identify pauses that occur in games
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student brainstorming - rationales for greeting, making a
a positive comment and thanking participants
Student role plays
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION SIX
JOINING A GAME
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, A Long Bus Ride, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Five and its definition.
MAINTAINING A CONVERSATION
1. Take turns asking and answering questions.
If someone asks you a question, answer and ask a question. Often you can ask the same question the person asked you.
2. Share the conversation time.
Everyone talks and listens. One person does not talk most of the time.
3. Talk about the same thing.
Talk and ask questions about what the other person is talking about. Don't change the subject.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she started and maintained a conversation since the last session, as described in Session Five. If the student is able to describe starting and maintaining a conversation and complete a role play with a volunteer student, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
RAINED OUT
Stan grabbed the basketball from his bed. Grasping it in one hand, he shot through the doorway and flew up the stairs two at a time.
"Hey mom, I'll be at the park playing hoops," yelled Stan.
"All right Stan, but be sure to be back by 6:00 P.M. for dinner," called his mother from the kitchen. "Your dad is fixing his favorite chicken dish tonight and he'd be disappointed if you were late."
"I won't be late mom. I love that dinner," assured Stan in a happy voice.
Stan threw open the front door and bolted onto the walk in front of his house. The rumble of thunder in the distance drew his attention.
"A little rain won't hurt anything," thought Stan as he started running down the street toward Jefferson Park.
Stan skillfully dribbled the basketball in front of him as he ran. At times he bounced the ball between his legs and behind his back. As Stan turned the corner onto Gardenia, a dark cloud drifted across the sun. Another thunder bolt rumbled in the distance. A sudden wind blew papers and leaves along the side of the street. The breeze refreshed Stan as he ran up the tree lined avenue.
At the end of Gardenia, Stan waited at a stop light to cross Main Street. He twirled the basketball on his index finger. Stan noticed a small boy in a passing car peer at him with huge eyes. "Someday maybe you'll be the master of the basketball court as I am now," said Stan to himself while chuckling.
As the light turned green, Stan crossed the four lanes of Main Street. He saw a wicked slash of lightening thrown from a dark, swelling cloud. "Wow, it's gonna rain on our game today," stated Stan with excitement. "Playing in the rain will be terrific."
Stan ran into an increasingly strong wind as he crossed a vacant lot and saw the park ahead. He noticed a game in progress on the basketball court. As Stan approached, he recognized the players to be boys in his ninth grade class. "I can burn these guys," he said to himself with confidence.
Stan walked up to the side of the court, his hair blowing in the stiff breeze. "Hey you guys need someone to show you how this is done?" he yelled while laughing. "Hey Alex, you dribble like an old man."
Alex Cordova shot a wicked look at Stan. Alex continued bouncing the basketball before throwing a pass that missed its mark and rolled out of bounds. A clap of thunder shook the earth as Stan beat Willie Anderson to the ball. Stan put his own ball down and began twirling the game ball.
"You guys really need some instruction, big time," stated Stan emphatically. "Let me show you. I'll take you all on!"
"Forget it, Stan," stated Willie in a strong voice.
Alex approached from behind and grabbed the ball from Stan's hand. He threw it onto the court and the game continued.
"Well, I'll tell you what. I'll join the losing team and turn them into a winner," boasted Stan.
The game continued with the players ignoring Stan. Stan made several more challenging comments, all of which were also ignored. Within minutes a driving rain lashed the court. With lightening dancing only a short distance away and rain pelting their faces, the players soon found conditions to be impossible. They disbanded, promising one another to continue the game tomorrow.
"I'll be here to play tomorrow," yelled Stan to his classmates as they raced in different directions seeking shelter from the fury of the storm.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. How does Stan feel as he runs toward the park dribbling his basketball?
ANSWER: Excited, hopeful, happy, confident.
2. What does Stan do to join the game?
ANSWER: He pokes fun, brags and grabs the ball when it goes out of bounds.
3. Why didn't Stan's classmates invite Stan to play?
ANSWER: They were annoyed by his behavior.
4. Do you think Stan will be invited to play tomorrow? Please explain.
ANSWER: Probably not since he offended his classmates today.
5. Would you invite Stan to play? Please explain.
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
6. How does Stan feel at the end of the story?
ANSWER: Confused, disappointed.
7. What should Stan have done differently?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
SHARE EXPERIENCES OF SOMEONE JOINING A GAME IN AN IRRITATING MANNER
Encourage discussion of student experiences of being irritated by someone joining a game in an offensive manner. Note that often people find it irritating to be interrupted. It may be helpful to provide a model by sharing a personal experience.
ACTIVITY - WRITING ALTERNATIVE ENDING TO STORY
The following activity may be done individually or in groups of three or four. Ask students to write a happier ending to the story. Indicate that all conditions should remain the same in the story. Review again the story situation by writing the following on the board.
Stan eagerly runs to the park to play basketball.
As Stan approaches the park he sees several classmates playing basketball.
Stan walks up to the basketball court with the intention of joining the game.
Ask students to share their story endings.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - JOINING A GAME
Ask students to identify steps to joining a game that will not offend others and will make it most likely you will be accepted into the game. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write student responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - JOINING A GAME
Indicate that student responses recorded on the board can be summarized into the following skill definition. Write definition on the board.
JOINING A GAME
1. Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
2. Wait for a pause.
3. Greet.
4. Make a positive comment about the game.
5. Ask politely to play.
6. Thank participants if they agree to include you.
IDENTIFY PAUSES THAT OCCUR IN GAMES
Indicate that most athletic activities, board games and video games, have pauses.
Describe a couple of examples and ask students to describe other examples.
EXAMPLES:
BASKETBALL: Pause when taking the ball out, shooting free throws, during time outs and at quarters.
SOCCER: Pause at throw-ins, before penalty kicks.
SOFTBALL: Pause between batters and between innings.
FOTBALL: Pause between plays and after possessions.
VOLLEYBALL: Pause after each score and after each game.
BOARD GAMES: Usually after a person takes a turn.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
Select two or more volunteer students to role play a game activity. Emphasize that physical contact and behaviors such as running cannot be allowed due to safety concerns. Suggestions for games follow or can be identified by students. The instructor role plays joining the game as defined above. Ask students to provide a grade based on the skill definition. Review if each skill step was demonstrated in the role play. Emphasize the many options for making a positive comment. Repeat two or three times.
Describe to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Ask students to watch carefully and be prepared to give each role play a grade based on the steps identified above. Recruit two or more volunteer students to role play a game. Randomly demonstrate appropriate and inappropriate joining of the game. At times, make nonexamples subtle by omitting a single skill such as not smiling or not making a positive comment.
POSSIBLE GAME ACTIVITIES FOR ROLE PLAYS:
Basketball Soccer Softball
Volleyball Monopoly Video games
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - RATIONALES FOR GREETING, MAKING A POSITIVE COMMENT AND THANKING PARTICIPANTS
Ask students to identify rationales for greeting, making a positive comment and thanking participants when joining a game. Write responses on the board. Examples of rationales follow.
GREETING:
Gain attention of participants.
People like to be greeted.
People like to be recognized by hearing their name.
You appear friendly and are more likely to be included in the game.
MAKING A POSITIVE COMMENT:
People like to hear positive comments.
People will more likely include you in the game.
People will more likely invite you to participate in future games.
THANKING PARTICIPANTS:
People appreciate being thanked.
People will more likely invite you to participate in future games.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request a volunteer student to role play joining a game. The volunteer selects other volunteers from the class to be engaged in a game which he/she joins. Use games identified above or those provided by students. Following the role play, ask the class to review if each of the skill steps was employed. Continue until several students model the skill.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Divide the class into groups of four. Indicate that due to space demands and safety concerns, only video or board games will be used in role plays. Two students play the game while the third joins the game. The fourth student observes, monitors if each skill step is used and provides feedback at the end of each role play. After each role play, instruct students to rotate parts so that in time each student has a chance to assume each role.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to join a game prior to the next session using the skills identified. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe joining a game, as well as provide a role play, will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of joining a game at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the story character successfully joining a game.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main story character successfully joining a game.
SOFTBALL NOW
Roberta broke through a thicket of bushes into a clearing. Ahead was Camp Whistling Pines. The hike was over and Roberta looked forward to crashing onto her bunk in the dormitory. However, she suddenly spotted her friends, Danielle and Tosha, hitting softballs to each other at the far end of the field. The only thing Roberta loved better than softball was her mom’s chocolate cake. She had to play.
Roberta ran across the open field and approached her friends. Danielle hit a hard shot which Tosha was able to snare.
SESSION SEVEN
COMPLIMENTING
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide skills to compliment effectively.
SKILL DEFINITION:
COMPLIMENTING
1. Be friendly
Eye contact
Smile
Happy voice
2. Say the person's name
3. Describe - tell the person what you like
4. The person being complimented says, "Thank you."
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Activity - identifying situations that deserve a compliment
Student brainstorming - how to effectively give a compliment
Skill definition - complimenting
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Student brainstorming - rationales for complimenting
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION SEVEN
COMPLIMENTING
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Rained Out, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Six and its definition.
JOINING A GAME
1. Be friendly.
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Use a happy voice.
2. Wait for a pause.
3. Greet.
4. Make a positive comment about the game.
5. Ask politely to play.
6. Thank participants if they agree to include you.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, joined a game in the manner described in Session Six. If the student is able to describe joining a game and complete a role play with a volunteer student, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
JENNY WINS SOME FRIENDS
The aroma of freshly baked blueberry muffins greeted Jenny Sanders as she walked into the kitchen. She rubbed her eyes still swollen from sleep. After completing a luxurious stretch and yawn, Jenny filled her nostrils with the sweet aroma of her favorite breakfast. "Wow, what a way to start the day," she said to herself.
"Be careful with those muffins," warned Mrs. Sanders as Jenny took her customary place at the kitchen table. "They're just out of the oven and really hot."
"This is terrific mom. I just love these things," stated Jenny enthusiastically.
Too hot to handle, Jenny tossed a muffin from one hand to the other. She skillfully used her fork and knife to pry it open. Steam rose to the ceiling. The butter she spread quickly sank into both halves of the muffin. After waiting a moment for the pastry to cool, Jenny took a large bite. She closed her eyes to more fully enjoy the experience.
After devouring three muffins as well as a plateful of scrambled eggs, Jenny wrapped her arms around her mother and delivered a giant bear hug. "You're not only the greatest cook, but the greatest mom in the world," stated Jenny affectionately. "Thanks for taking the time to make those muffins this morning."
A huge smile covered Mrs. Sanders face as she returned the hug. "Jenny, making things for you is just a joy. Now you'd better hurry or you'll be late for school dear."
Jenny scurried about the house readying herself for the day ahead. She gave her mom a final hug and darted out the front door carrying her book bag. A bright spring sun rising over the tall trees of her neighborhood warmed Jenny as she walked the half mile to North Lakes Junior High. On the way Jenny enjoyed colorful tulips and watching magnificent clouds float across a bright blue sky.
Strolling across the athletic field at the side of the school, Jenny saw her good friend, Megan, approaching. Megan wore a bright colored athletic jacket with matching pants. Her red hair glistened in the sun as she approached Jenny.
"Hi, Megan," greeted Jenny is a cheerful voice. "Hey, I like that outfit. It's really colorful. It looks great on you."
"Thanks, Jenny," stated Megan in a happy voice. "I got my mom to buy this outfit for me last night."
"Nice work, Megan."
The two girls talked about the day ahead as they entered the building. Jenny found her way to her locker, deposited her math and science books and grabbed her English text for first period.
Mrs. Anderson stood at the door of her class passing back tests as Jenny entered. Jenny cheerfully greeted Mrs. Anderson and, with a bit of anxiety, took her test. Jenny stared straight ahead as she moved to her seat. Fearing the worst, she did not want to see the grade on the exam. After taking her seat, Jenny closed her eyes, took a deep breath, gathered her courage and opened her eyes to see a large C written in red at the top of the exam.
"Whew," said Jenny quietly as she relaxed. "It could have been a lot worse."
Jenny noticed that Angelo, the boy seated next to her, wore a huge grin. She immediately knew he had received his customary A. Angelo was an outstanding student who had been on the honor roll since Jenny could remember.
"I can tell, Angelo, you've done it again," said Jenny with a smile.
Angelo turned to look sheepishly at Jenny. Despite his excellent academic record, he was never known to brag.
"Come on, let's see Angelo," demanded Jenny.
Angelo held his paper up. As expected, Jenny saw an A + with the words, "excellent performance" written boldly across the top of the exam.
"You are so smart, Angelo," gushed Jenny in an enthusiastic voice. "That's an incredible grade."
"Thanks," stated Angelo softly as he looked down at his desk.
The day passed quickly for Jenny. Before long she found herself in fifth period P.E. playing her favorite game, volleyball. Jenny was glad to have Andrea on her team. Andrea was tall, very athletic and a strong volleyball player. She served with great skill and was able to routinely spike the ball over the net. Today, Andrea managed to insure a victory by smashing the opposing teams serve back into their corner.
After the game Jenny ran up to Andrea, gave her a high five and, in an excited voice, stated, "Andrea, you're terrific. That last shot was a killer."
"Oh, not really. I was just lucky," stated Andrea in an uncomfortable manner.
"No, it was incredible," insisted Jenny. "You're really good at sports. Remind me to have you on my team again."
"Oh well, I guess so," mumbled Andrea who was at a loss for words.
A week later Jenny sat in her art class shocked by the applause she was receiving. Her classmates had elected her to represent North Lakes Junior on a panel of students from across the state as most likely to succeed.
"Wow," thought Jenny. "Why me? I'm far from an A student, I only have fair athletic skills, and I'm not even a cheerleader."
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why did Mrs. Sanders say, "Jenny, making things for you is just a joy?"
ANSWER: Jenny showed her appreciation and complimented her mom.
2. In the story Jenny often appears happy even though she does not receive excellent grades and is not a very good athlete.. Why is Jenny often so happy?
ANSWER: She looks for good things and sees them. She thinks and acts positively.
3. Why was Jenny selected to represent her school as "most likely to succeed?"
ANSWER: Many students like her because she compliments and is often positive in her attitude.
4. Do you think Jenny will be successful later in life despite not being an A student and not being athletic? Explain.
ANSWER: Probably since people like her.
5. Would you like Jenny as a friend? Explain.
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
ACTIVITY - IDENTIFYING SITUATIONS THAT DESERVE A COMPLIMENT
Indicate that in the above story, Jenny is liked and appreciated by her classmates because she compliments often.
Define a compliment as telling a person something you like about the person.
Review that in the story, Jenny complimented her mom's baking, Megan's clothing and appearance, Angelo's grade on a test and Andrea's performance in volleyball.
Request students to quietly reflect for a few minutes on something they've observed during the last week that deserved a compliment. It might be something observed at home, school or elsewhere. Instruct students to write a description of the event on a piece of paper and be prepared to share. Circulate through the class monitoring performance and assisting students in need.
Randomly select a few papers and ask permission to read responses to the class. Write a summary of each situation on the board. They will be used later.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - HOW TO EFFECTIVELY GIVE A COMPLIMENT
Ask students to quietly reflect for a few moments how an effective compliment is given. What does a person say and do when he/she gives a compliment? Ask students to write responses on a sheet of paper to the following questions.
1. What facial expression is used?
2. What do you do with your eyes when complimenting?
2. What tone of voice is used?
3. What is said?
4. What does the person receiving the compliment say?
Read questions and ask for student responses.
SKILL DEFINITION - COMPLIMENTING
Summarize student responses into the following definition. Write on the board.
COMPLIMENTING
1. Be friendly.
Eye contact.
Smile.
Happy voice.
2. Say the person's name.
3. Describe - tell the person what you like.
4. The person being complimented says, "Thank you."
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
With volunteer students, model the skill of complimenting a few times. Ask students to observe and provide a grade for the performance based on the above steps. Review each step following each role play. Use situations provided above by students or others suggested by students.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Mix examples with nonexamples. At times make the nonexamples subtle by omitting such steps as not saying the person's name or not adequately describing what is being complimented. Ask students to provide a grade for each role play. Review if each step in the skill definition was demonstrated.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Divide the class into groups of two. Ask groups to identify a situation in which a compliment could be given and prepare a role play to be presented to the class. Ask for volunteer pairs to provide a role play or randomly call on pairs. Review if each step of skill is used.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - RATIONALES FOR COMPLIMENTING
Ask students to identify reasons for complimenting. Emphasize the benefits for both the person complimenting and the person being complimented. Write responses on the board. Examples of rationales follow.
EXAMPLES:
More likely to make friends.
More likely to be invited or included in activities.
Strengthens a relationship or friendship.
People will more likely compliment you.
Makes you feel good.
Makes other people feel good.
Each time you compliment, it is easier to compliment in the future.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Break the class into groups of three. One student provides a compliment to a second student while the third monitors and provides corrective feedback based on the skill steps. Compliments can be based on current situations such as student clothing or recent performance in some area. Students may also role play the skill based on examples previously cited. Instruct students to rotate assignments after trials so students have a chance to assume each role.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to compliment prior to the next session using the skills identified. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe complimenting, as well as provide a role play, will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of complimenting at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character effectively complimenting his friends.
Ask volunteers to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character succesfully complimenting his friends.
GEOGRAPHY WIZARDS
Carlos stood and clapped loudly. On the stage of River Falls Middle School his two friends just won the state geography bee. Carlos knew the many hours of study Dwaine Almond and Dennis Tran had put into learning what seemed to be everything about world geography.
Later that day Carlos approached Dwaine and Dennis as they stood in the lunchroom.
SESSION EIGHT
GIVING ADVICE
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students skills to give advice in a socially appropriate manner that increases the likelihood advice will be listened to and considered.
SKILL DEFINITION:
GIVING ADVICE:
1. Be friendly
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Have a friendly voice.
2. Say the person's name.
3. Make a statement of interest/concern.
EXAMPLE: "That looks like a tough job."
4. Ask if you can make a suggestion.
5. Word the suggestion positively.
Tell the person how to do it.
6. Wish the person success.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Student poll - giving advice that is received or rejected
Sharing personal experiences of giving advice
Student brainstorming - how to give advice so it will be
accepted
Skill definition - giving advice
Further define steps 2 and 5 of skill definition
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION EIGHT
GIVING ADVICE
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Jenny Wins Some Friends, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Seven and its definition.
COMPLIMENTING
1. Be friendly.
Eye contact.
Smile.
Happy voice.
2. Say the person's name.
3. Describe - tell the person what you like.
4. The person being complimented says, "Thank you."
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, complimented in the manner described in Session Seven. If the student is able to describe complimenting and complete a role play with a volunteer student, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
STRIKEOUTS AND ERRORS
Eighth graders filed out of the gym onto the athletic field at Preston Junior High. Mrs. Alexander, the girls P.E. instructor, followed dozens of girls to the softball diamonds on the south side of the school. Meanwhile, Mr. Hernandez, the boys P.E. instructor, discussed the days activities as he walked with dozens of boys to the diamonds at the north end of the school. Within a few minutes several softball games were in progress.
Tina Lopez stepped to the plate. With runners on second and third, she knew that a hit would bring runs in and break the tie. On the other hand, she also knew that an out would end the inning. Tina carefully watched the softball as it traveled to the plate. She stepped forward and took a mighty swing. The bat hit nothing but air for strike one. After letting a pitch bounce into the dirt in front of her for ball one, Tina saw another pitch arriving in the strike zone. She stepped forward with another mighty swing, only to hear the ball land in the catchers mitt for strike two. The pitcher delivered the next two balls over her head. With a count of three balls and two strikes, Tina realized this was the time to make it happen. She stepped out of the batters box and rubbed her hands. Stepping back in, she stared at the pitcher. Tina carefully watched as the girl on the mound swung her arm and released the ball. The softball spun as it traveled to the plate. Sensing this was a great pitch to hit, Tina closed her eyes, lunged forward and swung the bat with every bit of strength she could find.
"Strike three!" yelled a girl who was serving as umpire behind the plate.
Tina stood at the plate for a moment with eyes closed, wondering how she could miss such a good pitch. Opening her eyes, she saw the pitcher, walking off the mound, smile at her. Tina slowly moved to the fence to pick up her mitt.
Abby Stanton, a girl who Tina had played with for years, gave Tina a pat on the shoulder.
With a happy voice and a smile Abby stated, "That was a pressure situation to hit in, Tina. We'll pick up some runs next inning."
"Yea, if I'm not batting," replied Tina in a dejected voice.
"Can I make a suggestion?" asked Abby.
"Sure, I need all the help I can get," responded Tina.
Well, I think you might do better if you choked up on the bat a little bit and didn't swing so hard. It looks like you're trying to kill the ball. I usually strike out if I swing really hard."
"Okay, I'll try it next time I'm up. It sure can't hurt," stated Tina, already feeling better.
"Well, we'll hold them to no runs here and break the tie next time up," stated Abby in a confident voice.
"You bet!" yelled Tina as she ran onto the field to take her position at third base.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the school, Travis Maloney was playing center field. He heard the crack of the bat and saw the ball bound sharply past the second baseman. Travis ran to his left to intercept the ball that tore wildly through the grass. Bending over, he scooped his mitt at the screaming grounder. However, the mitt never reached the ground and the ball continued rolling toward the center field fence. The runner rounded first base and headed to second. In disgust, Travis threw down his mitt and ran as fast as he could through thick grass into the outer limits of the ball diamond. By the time he threw the ball to the second baseman, the runner was heading for home. Travis knew his error caused another run to score.
Tony Bell, the second baseman, ran into the outfield. "Hey, that error cost us a run. Don't be afraid of the ball and get in front of it," yelled Tony with emotion.
"I'm not afraid of it," shot back Travis. "Besides, you should have had it anyway!"
Tony glared at Travis. "I guess I'll have to catch everything since you're such a chicken out here," roared Tony.
Sensing trouble, Mr. Hernandez yelled from the sideline for both boys to assume their positions. Within minutes, play continued.
Before the game ended, Travis made two more errors in center field and vowed he would never play softball again.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. How did Tina feel when she struck out and how did Travis feel when he allowed the ball to get past him in center field?
ANSWER: Embarrassed, upset, angry, frustrated
2. How does Tina feel after talking with Abby?
ANSWER: Confident, relieved
3. How does Travis feel after talking with Tony?
ANSWER: Angry, resentful
4. Does Tina accept Abby's advice to choke up on the bat and swing less hard?
ANSWER: Yes
5. Does Travis follow Tony's advice to get in front of the ball?
ANSWER: Probably not.
6. Why did Tina follow Abby's advice while Travis did not follow Tony's advice?
ANSWER: Tina presented her advice in a polite and helpful manner.
7. Who would you rather play ball with, Abby or Tony?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
STUDENT POLL - GIVING ADVICE THAT IS RECEIVED OR REJECTED
Ask students to raise their hands if they have given advice and the person accepted the advice?
Ask students to raise their hands if they have given advice that was rejected or met with anger or resentment?
Indicate that giving advice can be difficult and that some people may not want any advice.
SHARING PERSONAL EXPERIENCES OF GIVING ADVICE.
Ask students to share personal experiences of giving advice that was either accepted or rejected. Discuss how the advice was given.
It may be helpful for the instructor to describe a successful and unsuccessful example of giving advice.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - HOW TO GIVE ADVICE SO IT WILL BE ACCEPTED
Describe that in the story above, Abby gave advice that was accepted while Tony gave advice that was rejected. Ask students to identify how advice should be given to make it most likely that it will be accepted. Prompt responses by asking students to comment on voice tone, facial expressions, and what to say. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write student responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - GIVING ADVICE
Summarize student responses into the following definition. Write on the board.
GIVING ADVICE:
1. Be friendly
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Have a friendly voice.
2. Say the person's name.
3. Make a statement of interest/concern.
EXAMPLE: "That looks like a tough job."
4. Ask if you can make a suggestion.
5. Word the suggestion positively.
Tell the person how to do it.
6. Wish the person success.
FURTHER DEFINE STEPS 3 AND 5: MAKE A STATEMENT OF INTEREST/CONCERN AND WORD THE SUGGESTION POSITIVELY
Describe that it is important to make a statement of interest/concern in order to communicate that you are sincere about helping and understand the person's situation. As a result, the person is more likely to listen and accept the advice. Provide some examples.
EXAMPLES OF STATEMENTS OF INTEREST/CONCERN
"I saw that your jump shot isn't going in like it usually does."
"It's frustrating to fly a kite when there isn't much wind."
"Stuffing a giant sleeping bag into a tiny bag can be a pain in the neck."
"I saw you were having trouble riding the mountain bike up the hill. It's a tough job."
"I noticed you scratched your head while trying to write the book report. I've had some difficulty with this one also."
"I was sorry to hear that Bill hung up when you called him the other night. You must have felt horrible."
Indicate that wording the suggestion positively means spending more time telling the person what he/she can do to help himself/herself rather than telling the person what he/she did wrong. Provide some examples and nonexamples.
CASE ONE:
EXAMPLE:
"It is helpful to wear nylon socks under your athletic socks when playing basketball in order to avoid blisters."
NONEXAMPLE:
"Don't wear socks that are too loose."
CASE TWO:
EXAMPLE:
"When you have a test coming up, it's best to study for an hour or so every day for a week."
NONEXAMPLE:
"You didn't study enough and that's why you flunked the test."
CASE THREE:
EXAMPLE:
"When you go up to Mr. Arthur to discuss your grade, tell him you've learned a lot in his class and that he's a terrific teacher."
NONEXAMPLE:
"Don't be rude and don't argue with Mr. Arthur when you talk to him about your grade."
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
With volunteer students, model the skill of giving advice a few times. Ask students to observe and provide a grade for the performance based on the above steps. Review each step following each role play. Use situations provided below or those suggested by students.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Mix examples with nonexamples. At times make the nonexamples subtle by omitting such skills as not saying the person's name or not wording the advice positively. Ask students to provide a grade for each role play based on the skill definition.
SITUATIONS:
1. A girl is upset because other students have been teasing her.
2. A student receives a poor grade in a class because he did not manage his time adequately to complete projects and papers.
3. A boy is riding a bike without a helmet.
4. A friend is upset because he is in trouble with a teacher for talking in class.
5. A friend is afraid to ask a school secretary, known for her outbursts, to check how many lunches he has paid for.
6. A friend says she won't play softball ever again after missing several fly balls while playing in the outfield.
7. A friend is angry because her parents won't let her stay out past 11:00 P.M.
8. A teacher who talks too quickly and does not give enough examples during instruction, is upset because many of her students failed a geography test.
9. A friend throws his hammer down in disgust after bending the 5th nail in a row while trying to repair a fence.
10. A friend has a math test in 5th period and feels she is not adequately prepared. She decides to sluff 5th period by hanging out in the bushes outside of school.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Recruit volunteer students to role play use of the skill. Use situations described above or those suggested by students. It will be necessary to decide in advance appropriate advice to give in each situation. Allow only advice that is consistent with school rules and community standards to be given. After each role play, review if each skill component was employed.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Break the class into groups of three. One student gives advice to a second student while the third monitors and provides corrective feedback based on the skill steps. Situations described above or those suggested by students can be employed. It is important that groups arrive at a situation and advice before starting role plays. Monitor performance of groups and allow only socially appropriate advice to be given. Instruct students to rotate assignments after trials so students have a chance to assume each role.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to be alert to opportunities to give advice prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe giving advice, as well as provide a role play, will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of giving advice at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the story character successfully giving advice.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character successfully giving advice.
CRUMPLED PAPER
Tina looked with surprise as she saw her little brother, William, crumple up his spelling test and throw it angrily into the trash can. Tears began to flow from William’s eyes. Tina understood how difficult spelling was for William. She decided to tell William about how she studies for spelling tests by writing each word five times.
SESSION NINE
BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To promote understanding of the importance of making decisions independent of peer pressure.
SKILL DEFINITION:
Being true to yourself means deciding what's best for you despite pressure from others.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Survey - self identification of strengths and weaknesses
Definition - being true to yourself
Story examples
Student brainstorming - rationales for being true to yourself
Activity - completing a story about a person being true to
himself
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: 50 minutes
SESSION NINE
BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Jenny Wins Some Friends, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Eight and its definition.
GIVING ADVICE
1. Be friendly
Make eye contact.
Smile.
Have a friendly voice.
2. Say the person's name.
3. Make a statement of interest/concern.
EXAMPLE: "That looks like a tough job."
4. Ask if you can make a suggestion.
5. Word the suggestion positively.
Tell the person how to do it.
6. Wish the person success.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, gave advice to someone in the manner described in Session Eight. If the student is able to describe an example of giving advice and complete a role play with a volunteer student, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
PLAYING CHESS
In the dim light of early morning, Andy opened the top drawer of his dresser in search of his favorite shirt. He shuffled through a variety of clothes, many of which he refused to wear.
"Mom, where's my Orlando shirt?" yelled Andy.
The sound of the hair dryer told Andy that his mother didn't hear him. He tossed the clothes back in the drawer and headed downstairs to the laundry. "It must be down there," Andy said to himself.
Andy found the shirt in a large pile of dirty clothes. Despite being wrinkled, he gladly pulled it over his head. Feeling relieved, Andy bounded upstairs and into the kitchen. He poured himself a giant bowl of corn flakes and put two pieces of bread in the toaster.
"Andy, you can't wear that shirt, it's dirty." said Andy's mother in a strong voice as she entered the kitchen.
"Mom, I've got to. It's the only cool shirt I've got."
"It may be cool but it's also in need of being washed."
"Okay, I'll put it in the laundry after school." stated Andy.
Andy's mother rolled her eyes and sighed. "All right, but make sure it goes in the laundry this evening."
After finishing his cereal and toast, Andy grabbed his book bag. He opened the zipper to check if his chess set was inside. Andy wanted to join a number of students who were planning to play chess in the cafeteria before the start of school. He was certain he could beat them.
Andy put the pack on his back and raced out the front door. A cold, stiff breeze greeted him. To his surprise, tiny snowflakes fluttered to the ground. The pine tree in the front yard roared and groaned as it swayed in the wind.
"Wow, it's cold out here." thought Andy.
Andy turned to go back for his coat. He then reconsidered. "That coat looks so dumb. I can't wear it to school." thought Andy.
Andy ran through the chill of morning toward Washington Junior High. His face, arms and hands grew numb as he crossed Main Street and saw the school a couple of blocks ahead. By the time he reached the school, Andy's ears stung from the biting wind.
Andy raced to the front door and saw his reflection. "Wow, look at my hair," he said to himself in horror. The wind had stood his hair up like tall grass.
Andy threw open the front door and gladly welcomed the warm air inside. A number of friends were talking near the drinking fountain. Andy hung next to the opposite wall and quickly walked to the rest room where he put his hair back into order. After deciding his appearance was acceptable, Andy headed toward the cafeteria where he planned to impress his classmates with his chess skills.
At the entrance to the cafeteria, two of Andy's long time friends, Bill Anderson and Paul Stamps, greeted him.
"Hey Andy, don't you think Smith is weird? She must be from another planet!" stated Bill. The two boys laughed.
Andy immediately knew his friends were talking about Mrs. Smith, the English teacher they all had in 5th period. Andy liked Mrs. Smith, thought she had a great sense of humor and didn't consider her the least bit weird.
"Yeah, she needs to get with it," agreed Andy while laughing along with his friends. "She's been reading too many of those stupid books she tells us to read."
"Yea, that's right!" agreed Paul enthusiastically.
"Well, I'll bet those guys like her." suggested Bill as he pointed to several students gathered around chess boards in the cafeteria. "What nerds."
"You've got that right," agreed Paul.
Andy surveyed the group of students sitting studiously around chess boards spread across several lunch room tables. He wanted very much to join their activity.
"Hey, lets go over and hassle them." said Sam while chuckling.
Andy looked at his two friends and then again at the students playing chess.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why does Andy wear a soiled, wrinkled shirt to school when he can wear a clean shirt?
ANSWER: He thinks the wrinkled shirt is "cool." He may be concerned that friends won't approve of his other shirts. He may be concerned that he will be teased or that other students won't think he's "cool" if he wears the other shirts. He thinks he will be better accepted if he wears the wrinkled shirt.
2. Why didn't Andy wear a coat to school?
ANSWER: He is anxious that he will be teased.
3. If Andy had worn the coat and did not wear the wrinkled shirt, would his relationship with friends have suffered?
ANSWER: Probably not. They very likely might not even have noticed.
4. Why did Andy agree with his friends that Mrs. Smith is weird?
ANSWER: He was concerned that they might not like him if he disagreed.
5. Is Andy being true to himself?
ANSWER: No.
7. What are the consequences for Andy of not being true to himself?
ANSWER: He makes decisions which lead to discomfort (e.g., not wearing a coat in cold weather). He may feel uncomfortable or guilty at times concerning dishonest behavior (e.g., commenting negatively about a teacher he likes).
6. How do you think the story ends?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
SURVEY - SELF IDENTIFICATION OF STRENGTHS AND INTERESTS
Request students to complete the checklist found at the end of this session. Encourage students to take adequate time to respond reflectively.
Collect checklists and anonymously read responses aloud. Discuss that students vary in their strengths and interests. Emphasize that we are all unique.
In small classes in which members are familiar with one another, participants may attempt to guess who the checklist represents after it is read. However, to insure confidentiality, do not identify the respondent.
DEFINITION - BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF
Indicate that in the story, Andy did not always present himself as he was. He sometimes tried to be what he thought his friends would like him to be. Describe that Andy endured cold in order to avoid possible rejection and Andy was critical of a teacher who he liked in order to agree with friends. Andy was not true to himself.
Write the following definition on the board.
Being true to yourself means deciding what's best for you despite pressure from others.
STORY EXAMPLES
Ask students to identify if the person in each of the following stories is, or is not, being true to himself/herself and why. Discuss consequences of the person's acts. In the case of nonexamples, ask students to identify what the person could have done to be true to himself/herself.
SITUATION ONE:
Jane has a science test tomorrow. She wants to do well and has decided to spend the evening reviewing a chapter in her science book, as well as notes she has taken in class. A good friend, Alice, calls and asks Jane to meet her and several other friends at the Mall. Jane decides to make an appointment to go to the Mall another time with her friends.
ANSWER: Being true to herself
Jane uses her strengths of studying and helps herself.
Discuss that she likely will not lose friends by planning to go later and that she likely will perform well on the test.
SITUATION TWO:
George sits in math class confused and discouraged. He does not understand a thing his teacher, Mr. Walters, just explained. To make matters worse, a page with 20 problems is on his desk. George decides to write some numbers on the page and fake it. He does not want to be the only student asking Mr. Walters for help.
ANSWER: Not being true to himself
George fails to act in his own best interest.
Discuss that it is likely other students did not understand, that others likely experience the same anxiety and that George might be seen as brave to ask questions.
SITUATION THREE:
Alice quietly pushes a book of poems she enjoys reading to the bottom of her backpack so it cannot be seen by other students. She is concerned they might make fun of her interest in poetry.
ANSWER: Not being true to herself
Alice fails to honestly acknowledge her interest in poetry, which is a strength.
Discuss that by hiding her interest, she may lose an opportunity to be acknowledged by other students who have a similar interest.
SITUATION FOUR:
Tina is enjoying a conversation with two classmates. However, before long, the conversation changes to making fun of Tina's best friend, Christine. Tina politely leaves the conversation despite risking offense to her classmates.
ANSWER: Being true to herself
Tina understands the value of her friendship with Christine and is honest in not speaking against her friend.
Discuss that Tina avoids feeling guilty and likely does not lose friends because she leaves politely.
SITUATION FIVE:
Joe has saved money from his part time job to buy a CD ROM which he thinks will be helpful for school. Joe enjoys working with computers and someday hopes to be a programmer. Today, Joe heard some friends call him a "geek" because of the clothes he was wearing. Joe decides to spend the money he has saved on clothing to improve his appearance rather than on the CD ROM.
ANSWER: Not being true to himself
Joe places the impression of others over his own interests.
Discuss that clothing does not alone win friends and that Joe pays a huge price.
SITUATION SIX:
Robert is in the weight lifting room with several friends who begin discussing their weight and how many pounds they can lift. Robert knows he is smaller than most of his friends by at least 30 pounds and cannot lift what they can. However, Robert is happy about his small size because, as a result, he can run with exceptional speed. He also appreciates the fact that he is not cramped when riding in his dad's subcompact car. The discussion changes to a challenge of who can lift the most weight. A friend challenges Robert. Robert happily acknowledges that his friend is bigger, stronger and can lift more weight than he can. Robert politely declines the invitation.
ANSWER: Being true to himself
Robert recognizes that his strength is speed. He also understands the advantages of being small. Robert wisely avoids placing himself in an unfair situation.
Discuss that by being honest and polite, Robert's friends will likely accept his lack of interest in participating.
SITUATION SEVEN:
Barbara's family moved often and, as a result, she never took swim lessons. Barbara is unable to swim. Yesterday one of Barbara's friends asked her to attend a swimming party at her house. Barbara became flustered. She was concerned that if she told her friend she could not swim, she would look ridiculous. Barbara explained that she had an allergy to chlorine and would not, as a result, be able to attend.
ANSWER: Not being true to herself
Barbara fails to understand that there is no shame in not being able to swim and she could probably participate in other ways at the party.
Discuss that Barbara is probably in error in thinking that her friends would consider her ridiculous and in fact might be supportive in teaching her to swim.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - RATIONALES FOR BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF
Ask students to identify reasons for being true to yourself. Write responses on the board. Examples follow.
EXAMPLES:
Friends respect honesty.
You feel better about yourself.
You will not do things you don't want to do or feel uncomfortable doing.
When you are not true to yourself, other people will in time discover that you are being dishonest.
It is difficult to do something well if it doesn't fit with your strengths and interests.
When you are true to yourself, you will more likely make friends with people of similar strengths and interests.
ACTIVITY - COMPLETING A STORY ABOUT A PERSON BEING TRUE TO HIMSELF
Instruct students that they are to complete a story describing a character being true to himself. The story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity I, is found at the end of the present session. It may be necessary to assist some students with ideas for a story ending as well as the mechanics and organization required in this task.
Afterward, request students to read their stories. Discuss consequences for the character of being true to himself.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice being true to themselves prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe being true to themselves will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to students identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the definition of being true to yourself at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity II, found at the end of the session. Insruct students that the story should describe the story character successfully being true to himself.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STRENGTH AND INTEREST SURVEY
Please place an X next to those things you do well and those that you are interested in.
THINGS I DO WELL
___ Basketball ___ Baseball ___ Bicycling
___ Soccer ___ Football ___ Badminton
___ Tennis ___ Hockey ___ Water skiing
___ Swimming ___ Running ___ Canoeing
___ Lift weights ___ Dance ___ Computer programming
___ Gymnastics ___ Diving ___ Horseback riding
___ Reading ___ Spelling ___ Selling and trading
___ Writing stories ___ Writing poetry ___ Calligraphy
___ Math ___ Drawing ___ Horse shoes
___ Painting ___ Wood working ___ Video games
___ Gardening ___ Fishing ___ Cake decorating
___ Hiking ___ Bicycling ___ Aerobics
___ Ping pong ___ Badminton ___ Sewing
___ Golf ___ Wrestling ___ Needle point
___ Archery ___ Photography ___ Water polo
___ Camping ___ Cooking ___ Boating
___ Making people laugh ___ Telling stories ___ Playing an instrument
___ Making friends ___ Geography ___ Singing
___ Science ___ Public speaking ___ Listening
___ Acting ___ Memorizing ___ Being loyal
___ Helping people ___ Roller blading ___ Snow skiing
___ _____________ ___ _____________ ___ _____________
THINGS I AM INTERESTED IN
___ Basketball ___ Baseball ___ Singing
___ Soccer ___ Football ___ Playing an instrument
___ Tennis ___ Hockey ___ Mountain climbing
___ Swimming ___ Running ___ Auto mechanics
___ Lift weights ___ Dancing ___ Ice skating
___ Gymnastics ___ Diving ___ Snow skiing
___ Reading ___ Spelling ___ Models
___ Writing stories ___ Writing poetry ___ Roller blading
___ Math ___ Drawing ___ Acting
___ Painting ___ Wood working ___ U.F.O.=s
___ Gardening ___ Fishing ___ Science
___ Hiking ___ Bicycling ___ Public speaking
___ Ping pong ___ Badminton ___ Animals
___ Golf ___ Wrestling ___ Geography
___ Archery ___ Photography ___ Telling stories
___ Camping ___ Cooking ___ Making people laugh
___ Water polo ___ Boating ___ Telling stories
___ Sewing ___ Needle point ___ Canoeing
___ Cake decorating ___ Aerobics ___ Water skiing
___ Horse shoes ___ Video games ___ Computer programming
___ Calligraphy ___ Selling and trading ___ Horseback riding
___ __________ ___ ______________ ___ _____________
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Adam, being true to himself.
EVEN TEAMS
Adam is surprised by his grade point average of 3.60. In elementary school he would never have thought he could maintain a B+ average in Junior High. Of course, Adam studies hard and plans to be either an architect or a computer programmer when he grows up.
Tomorrow Adam has an important test in math, a subject he has been struggling with lately. He plans to study much of the afternoon and evening for this test. On the way home, Adam is approached by several of his friends with whom he played basketball on a team last winter. Two of the boys are dribbling basketballs.
"Hey Adam, we need another player to make even teams. Come on over to the park and play some hoops with us," stated Dan Irvine, one of the boys dribbling a basketball.
Adam wants to play basketball but even more he wants to study for the math test.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character, Katrina, being true to herself.
HOUSE CLEANING
Katrina walked quickly toward Mrs. Adam’s small apartment. Mrs. Adams was an elderly lady with a stooped back, raspy voice and wiry gray hair. For the last several months Katrina had helped Mrs. Adams clean her apartment. While Katrina hated to clean her own room, for some reason she felt good about helping this aged friend. Besides, Mrs. Adam’s funny stories made Katrina laugh.
As Katrina approached Mrs. Adam’s doorstep she heard her name called out. Looking around she saw her friends, Melissa Barlow and Amanda Rodriquez.
“Hey, Katrina, we’re going to the mall to see a movie. Come and join us,” stated Amanda with a smile.
“Gosh, thanks for asking,” responded Katrina. “I told Mrs. Adam’s I’d help her this morning.”
“That’s weird,” stated Melissa in a bold voice. “You really need to get a life, Katrina.”
Katrina didn’t want to disappoint her friends. However, she knew Mrs. Adams was counting on her assistance this morning.
PART TWO
COPING SKILLS
SESSION TEN
RELAXING WHEN UPSET
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students skills to relax and gain control when experiencing strong emotions.
SKILL DEFINITION:
RELAXING WHEN UPSET
1. Start when you first feel yourself becoming upset.
2. If possible turn away or walk away from what is upsetting you.
3. If possible close your eyes.
4. Take a deep breath.
5. Hold breath for a second.
6. Release breath slowly, evenly and completely.
7. Practice often to master skill.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory stories
Student brainstorming - experience and effects of strong emotions
Share personal experiences of strong feelings
Student brainstorming - strategies to control strong feelings
Skill definition - relaxing when upset
Model skill
Classwide practice of skill
Student role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION TEN
RELAXING WHEN UPSET
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Playing Chess, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Nine and its definition.
BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF
Being true to yourself means deciding what's best for you despite pressure from others.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of being true to himself/herself in the manner described in Session Nine. If the student is able to describe an example, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORIES
Describe to students that four stories will be read with discussion questions following each story.
STORY ONE
Mario waited over an hour for his friend, Alex, to appear at the park. The two had planned to shoot baskets together. Unfortunately, Mario did not have a basketball. As he sat under a tree near the empty basketball court, Mario's anger grew.
The next day, Mario sat quietly in Mr. Crowley's social studies class as students strolled into the room. Alex slouched into the seat next to Mario, reached over, and gave him a friendly push on the arm.
"Hey, what's up, Mario?" asked Alex in a cheerful voice.
Mario looked at Alex. The anger he felt yesterday suddenly returned. Mario felt his muscles tighten and his breath quicken. His face felt hot as it became flushed.
Mario whirled around in his seat and yelled, "Alex, you're such a loser."
As Mr. Crowley walked with a stern face toward the boys, Alex shot a menacing glare at Mario, then left his desk to be seated elsewhere.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. How does Mario feel when he sees Alex?
ANSWER: Angry, resentful
2. Was Mario under control in this situation?
ANSWER: No.
3. How does Alex feel when Mario calls him a loser?
ANSWER: Surprised, angry, resentful
4. Did Alex make a good choice by being seated elsewhere? Please explain.
ANSWER: Probably a good choice since he avoided interacting with a friend who appears to be out of control.
5. Mario lost control and called his friend, Alex, a name in a voice loud enough for the class to hear. What are the consequences that might follow Mario's actions?
ANSWER: Get in trouble with Mr. Crowley.
Lose a friend.
Be seen by classmates as unable to control his anger.
6. If Mario was your friend, what advice would you give him?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
STORY TWO
Denise walked confidently down the hall toward Mr. Jenkin's math class. She was certain she could handle any problems Mr. Jenkins would give on the final math exam.
"Class, no doubt you have all studied for this exam, understand its importance and are prepared," stated Mr. Jenkins in a firm voice. "Just do your best."
An uncommon silence descended upon the class as Mr. Jenkins began passing out the test. Hearing his heavy footsteps move up one aisle and down the next, Denise began to think how important this test was. It counted for almost half of her math grade and, if she messed up, she might not be able to stay in the honors math program. Denise imagined the disappointed faces of her parents as she announced with shame that she was no longer an honors student.
As Mr. Jenkins approached, Denise felt a knot in her stomach. Her legs began to shake and her heart pounded. Perspiration formed on her forehead and she felt faint.
"Denise, are you all right?" asked Mr. Jenkins in a serious voice as he handed her a thick packet of papers.
"I'm fine," mumbled Denise breathlessly.
Denise noticed her hand trembling as she attempted to write her name at the top of the first page. Opening to page two, she stared at math problems she had done hundreds of times but, for some reason, could not complete today.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. How does Denise feel as she walks toward her math class?
ANSWER: Confident
2. What causes Denise to become so upset and fearful?
ANSWER: Thinking about the consequences of failure and saying negative things to herself.
3. What causes Mr. Jenkins to ask if Denise was alright?
ANSWER: She was perspiring, shaking and probably breathing hard.
4. How do you think Denise did on her exam?
ANSWER: Probably poorly because she was nervous and fearful.
5. Is Denise under control?
ANSWER: No.
6. If you were Denise's friend, what advice would you give her?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
STORY THREE
Marianne left a hot, blinding sun behind as she opened the front door and entered her home. She immediately felt the cool breeze of the air conditioner.
"Ah, that's better," she said to herself.
As Marianne began descending the stairs toward her room, she heard a familiar sound. She stopped and turned her head to listen more carefully.
"Oh no," screamed Marianne in a desperate voice. "She's done it again."
Marianne flew down the remaining stairs, bolted down the hall and flung open the door to her bedroom. Marianne's little sister gave a startled look as she clutched Marianne's violin.
"You have no business playing with my violin, you little creep," shrieked Marianne. In anger, Marianne ripped the violin from her sisters tiny hands. Horror consumed both girls as they watched the instrument fly across the room and crash into the sharp corner of Marianne's dresser. Two strings lay broken atop the violin. A dent marked its side.
Blind with rage, Marianne pushed her sister into the door frame. Screaming and holding her shoulder, the small girl ran from the room calling for her mother.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Was Marianne under control when she flung open the door to her bedroom?
ANSWER: No.
2. What are the consequences of Marianne's actions?
ANSWER: She hurts her sister.
She damages her violin.
She may not be able to play the violin again.
She probably gets in trouble with her mom.
3. Who will probably get in more trouble, Marianne or her sister? Please explain.
ANSWER: Marianne since she lost control of herself resulting in damage to the violin as well as injury to her sister. Being older, it is likely that Marianne's parents expect her to have better self control.
4. As a friend, what advice would you give to Marianne?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
STORY FOUR
John was thrilled a few days ago to learn he won the Scientist of America Award at Greenville Junior High for his construction of a rocket that flew more than 300 feet into the air. However, today John's knees shook and his heart pounded as he slowly climbed the steps onto the stage to accept his award. He knew the eyes of more than 500 classmates followed his every movement. Walking awkwardly to the podium, John offered a sweaty hand to Mr. Bigelow, his science teacher.
"Speech, speech," yelled John's excited classmates.
"They want to hear from their hero," stated Mr. Bigelow in a jovial voice.
Slowly, John turned to face his audience. His eyes bulged as he saw the auditorium was almost completely full. Gasping to control his breath, John held tight to the podium. He could think of nothing to say.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. How does John feel as he climbs the stairs onto the stage?
ANSWER: Terrified, fearful
2. John thinks that all of the audience is studying his every move. Is this true? Please explain.
ANSWER: No. Many students may not even be paying attention.
3. Is John under control?
ANSWER: No.
4. John doesn't know what to say. Would he know what to say if only Mr. Bigelow was present?
ANSWER: Yes.
5. As John's friend, what advice would you give him?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - EXPERIENCES AND EFFECTS OF STRONG EMOTIONS
Ask students what is similar about the four stories. Identify that in all stories, a boy or girl is out of control and experiencing strong emotions/feelings.
Ask students to identify the physiological experiences of strong emotions. That is, what happens to the body when one is flooded by intense feelings such as anger, fear or anxiety? It may be necessary to prompt responses by asking such questions as what happens to your voice, breathing and ability to think? Continue until the following experiences and effects are identified. Write student responses on the board.
EXPERIENCES AND EFFECTS OF STRONG EMOTIONS:
Rapid breathing Queasy feeling in stomach
Heart races, pounds Muscles tighten
Sweating More difficult to talk
Knees or legs shake Hands shake
Difficulty concentrating Fuzzy thinking
May make poor choices Lack of self control
Face becomes flushed Dry mouth
SHARE PERSONAL EXPERIENCES OF STRONG FEELINGS
Ask students to share experiences that elicited strong feelings. Emphasize the physical and cognitive effects identified above in these descriptions. It may be helpful for the instructor to share an experience first.
Note that being overwhelmed by strong feelings is natural and common. It happens to everyone.
Emphasize that the person overwhelmed by strong feelings may not think clearly, may make poor choices and often lacks self control.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - STRATEGIES TO CONTROL STRONG FEELINGS
Describe that it is important to do something quickly once one is beginning to experience the effects of strong emotions such as fuzzy thinking and rapid breathing.
Ask students to describe what they do to regain control. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write responses on the board. Discuss experiences.
SKILL DEFINITION - RELAXING WHEN UPSET
Acknowledge that student suggestions are helpful to manage strong feelings. Mention that many people find the following strategy to be helpful. Write steps on the board.
RELAXING WHEN UPSET
1. Start when you first feel yourself becoming upset.
2. If possible turn away or walk away from what is upsetting you.
3. If possible close your eyes.
4. Take a deep breath.
5. Hold breath for a second.
6. Release breath slowly, evenly and completely.
7. Practice often to master the skill.
MODEL SKILL
Using situations discussed above or suggested by students, role play use of the deep breathing skill. Also, demonstrate making a reflective, well thought out response. Additional situations are provided below.
After each role play discuss that the strategy was used immediately upon feeling upset. Emphasize the benefits of staying under control, thinking clearly and making a good decision about what to do.
SITUATIONS:
A teacher accuses you of doing something you did not do.
You are standing at the free throw line in a tied championship basketball game with one second left on the clock.
You round a corner while walking and see a snarling doberman pincer two feet ahead.
A friend is teasing you in a hurtful manner.
A police officer asks what you were doing ten minutes ago.
Your little sister borrowed your roller blades. She returned them covered in mud.
CLASSWIDE PRACTICE OF SKILL
Instruct the class to practice the skill in unison. On a signal, the class takes a deep breath, holds for one second and releases slowly and evenly.
Emphasize that the strategy should not be repeated more than a few times to avoid hyperventilating.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Ask volunteer students to come to the front of the class to demonstrate use of the skill in role play situations. The instructor should play the role of irritant if one is required in order to avoid asking students to assume negative roles. Use situations suggested by students. It may be helpful to discuss what appropriate responses would be after relaxation is attained.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to relax when upset prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of relaxing when upset at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story ending should describe the main character relaxing before making a response.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character relaxing when upset and solving the problem in a way that does not get him in trouble.
WIMP
Seated alone on the bus, Andre is reading a novel. He hears his name said by some boys in a seat behind him. Andre suddenly realizes that the boys are talking about him. He becomes very angry when he hears one of the boys refer to him as a Awimp.@
SESSION ELEVEN
DEALING WITH LOSS AND LOSING
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a strategy to cope with strong emotions related to losing.
SKILL DEFINITION:
DEALING WITH LOSS AND LOSING
1. Relax if you are upset.
2. Think about what you did well.
3. Decide how to do it better.
4. Make plans to try again.
5. Avoid thinking or speaking negatively.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Student brainstorming - common examples of losing
Student brainstorming - what to do and not do when you lose
Skill definition - dealing with loss and losing
Discuss example of skill use
Activity - completing a story about a person dealing with loss
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 60 minutes
SESSION ELEVEN
DEALING WITH LOSS AND LOSING
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the four stories from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Ten and its definition.
RELAXING WHEN UPSET
1. Start when you first feel yourself becoming upset.
2. If possible turn away or walk away from what is upsetting you.
3. If possible close your eyes.
4. Take a deep breath.
5. Hold breath for a second.
6. Release breath slowly, evenly and completely.
7. Practice often to master skill.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of relaxing when upset in the manner described in Session Ten. If the student is able to describe an example and complete a role play, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
SHOWDOWN ON THE TENNIS COURT
Angie dropped the tennis ball to the ground. As the green ball bounced off the concrete of her driveway, she took a powerful swing with her tennis racket. The ball bounded off the wall next to the driveway and back to Angie. Angie was intent upon becoming as good a player as her sister, who played for the Adamsville High Tennis Team last year. With sweat rolling down her face, Angie continued to labor under the summer sun until a classmate, Kathy Dickinson, called from the sidewalk.
"Hey, that's a sweet swing, Angie. I didn't know you play tennis."
"Yea, I want to make the team in high school," stated Angie.
"Terrific, so do I," replied Kathy with confidence. "How about if we play over at school tomorrow afternoon?"
"Uh, okay," said Angie with some reluctance.
"I'll meet you at 2:00 P.M. on the tennis courts. And bring your best swing, Angie."
Angie stared at Kathy as she walked down the sidewalk. "I wish I never said I'd play her." Angie mumbled. "She's so stuck on herself. She thinks she's just Miss Perfect."
Angie was uncertain she could beat Kathy at tennis. To Angie, Kathy seemed to be one of those people who always succeeded. She was a cheerleader, was pretty, had unlimited friends and never received less than an A in school. She was even the class Vice President.
The tennis ball continued to bounce off the concrete wall all afternoon as Angie practiced her game to beat Kathy.
The following day Angie walked quickly along the sidewalk to the tennis courts at Mountain View Junior. She pushed open the large chain link gate that permitted entrance to the courts and found Kathy practicing her serve.
"Wow, she's good," said Angie to herself as she watched Kathy drive one serve after another with accuracy across the net.
Kathy twirled around and faced Angie. "Are you ready?" she asked with a smile.
"You bet," said Angie, trying to appear confident.
Angie was excited after beating Kathy in the first game. However, she knew she must be the first to win six games in order to win the match.
The tennis ball flew back and forth over the net. Both Angie and Kathy said very little as play continued. The intense look on both girls faces told the importance of the event. In a half hour, the score was tied, two games apiece. By this time Angie realized that Kathy had great difficulty hitting the ball with her backhand. Angie took advantage of the situation to win the next two games, and lead 4 - 2. However, Kathy adjusted her position on the court to avoid her backhand and make better use of her powerful forehand stroke. Before long, the score was tied again, 4 - 4.
Both Angie and Kathy knew that two wins in a row would now take the match. Despite fatigue from playing under a hot summer sun, Kathy found the strength to add a little extra speed to her serve. As a result she won the next game, giving her a 5 - 4 advantage.
Angie felt her legs tremble. She knew she must somehow return Kathy's serve to avoid defeat. Kathy seemed to gain more strength, however, as her serve consistently fell into areas Angie could not reach. Within a few minutes, Kathy raised her arms in victory while Angie fell to her knees in defeat.
Angie fought back tears of frustration. She shook hands with Kathy but would not respond when invited to play again tomorrow. Angie quickly said she needed to go home and ran from the tennis courts. Tears flowed freely as she walked along the tree lined streets.
Upon reaching home, Angie ran straight to her room, slammed shut the door behind her, threw her tennis racket into the closet and buried her face in her pillow. When asked by her older sister how the tennis match went, Angie yelled she would never play tennis again.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why doesn't Angie like Kathy?
ANSWER: Angie thinks Kathy can do many things better than Angie does.
Angie appears jealous of Kathy's success.
2. Angie seems to think Kathy does everything very well. Do you think this is true?
ANSWER: Probably not. Very few people do "everything" well.
3. Both Angie and Kathy failed to do something during the game that would have made each relax and enjoy the game more. What did they fail to do?
ANSWER: Compliment and congratulate each other for good play.
Comment that it is fun to play tennis with the other person.
4. Angie seemed to only be able to have fun if she beat Kathy. Why is this a problem?
ANSWER: By placing too much emphasis on winning, Angie does not focus on the joy of playing the game. If she has to win to have fun playing, she will often be disappointed.
5. Do you think Angie played well during the game? Do you think Angie feels she played well?
ANSWER: Yes / No
6. Angie says she will never play tennis again. What are the consequences of doing this?
ANSWER: Not improving tennis game.
Not enjoying a fun activity
Not being able to play a game which can be played with friends.
7. What do you think Angie should do next?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - COMMON EXAMPLES OF LOSING
Describe that we win and lose every day. Losing is a common experience. Cite a couple of examples such as not having enough money to buy a desired object or losing a football game. Ask students to identify situations in which people commonly experience losing. Write responses on the board. Some examples follow.
COMMON EXAMPLES OF LOSING
Being defeated in a video game.
Missing a free throw in basketball.
Being cut from the volleyball team.
Being asked to rewrite a paper.
Receiving a poor grade on a test, project or paper.
Not being asked to dance.
Not being invited to a party.
Not having a new article of clothing noticed by anyone.
Forgetting to do your homework.
Having people stare at you after you tell a joke.
Having a suggestion or request rejected.
Encourage students to share any personal experiences of losing. Students will be more likely to share after the instructor has shared a couple of personal examples.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHAT TO DO AND NOT DO WHEN YOU LOSE
Ask students to divide a piece of paper into two halves. On one half students write suggestions of helpful things a person can do after experiencing a loss. On the other half, students write unhelpful things a person should avoid after experiencing a loss.
Provide an example such as talk to someone as helpful and give up as an unhelpful thing to do. Indicate that the things one says to oneself are important after losing. These should be included in the list.
This activity might be done in small groups of two to four students, or individually.
Afterward, ask students to share their recommendations. Discuss consequences for each.
SKILL DEFINITION - DEALING WITH LOSS AND LOSING
Summarize students recommendations into the following definition. Write steps on the board.
DEALING WITH LOSS AND LOSING
1. Relax if you are upset.
2. Think about what you did well.
3. Decide how to do it better.
4. Make plans to try again.
5. Avoid thinking or speaking negatively.
DISCUSS EXAMPLE OF SKILL USE
Use one of the loss situations cited above to provide an example of what a person might do and say to himself/herself when using the skill.
For instance, if a person received a C instead of an expected A on a test, he/she would follow the steps and possibly do the following:
1. Close eyes and take a deep breath to relax.
2. Think to himself that he passed the test.
Review that he got many more correct than wrong on the test.
Review that he learned a lot by studying for the test.
Think that he is on course for passing the class.
3. Decide that he will get a better grade on the next test.
4. Decide to start studying now for the next test.
Ask the teacher to retake the test.
5. Focus on performing well on the next test or retake.
Avoid complaining or making excuses.
Say to himself that the most important things are passing the test, passing the class and learning.
ACTIVITY - COMPLETING A STORY ABOUT A PERSON DEALING WITH A LOSS
Describe to students that they will complete a story in which a character uses the skill after experiencing a loss. Hand out the story starter sheet, entitled Story Writing Activity I, found at the end of the session.
It may be necessary to assist some students with the mechanics of organizing and writing an ending.
Afterward, request students to read their stories. Discuss consequences for the character of successfully dealing with loss.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe dealing with loss successfully will earn a reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of dealing with loss and losing at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity II, provided at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character successfully dealing with loss and losing.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Marie, successfully dealing with loss.
CUT
Marie had practiced volleyball for weeks and longed to be on the school team. Marie felt she had done well in tryouts but knew there were many other students who were good players.
After the bell rang signaling the end of school, Marie raced to the bulletin board outside the gym to see if her name appeared on the team list. With heart pounding and fingers crossed, she read through the list of names. When Marie came to the final name, she realized she did not make the team. Marie dropped her head in disappointment. She then began to feel flushed and angry, thinking that this wasn't fair.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character successfully dealing with loss and losing.
BAD GRADE
Omar’s jaw fell open when he saw the grade on his history report. He expected to receive no less than a B. A large red D+ was circled at the top of the page. Omar had worked hard on the report and learned much about the Presidents of the United States.
Omar felt his face becoming flushed and his heart pounding. He wondered what he had done wrong to receive such a poor grade.
SESSION TWELVE
ACCEPTING NO FOR AN ANSWER
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a socially appropriate response when a request is denied.
SKILL DEFINITION:
ACCEPTING NO FOR AN ANSWER
1. Relax if upset.
2. Have a serious face (not angry or pouty).
3. Nod your head.
4. Say, "Okay."
5. Don't argue.
6. You may politely ask once when, or under what conditions, the request would be approved.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Sharing personal examples of being denied a request
Student brainstorming - negative consequences of arguing with authority figures
Student brainstorming - what to say and do when denied a request
Skill definition - accepting no for an answer
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION TWELVE
ACCEPTING NO FOR AN ANSWER
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Showdown on the Tennis Court, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Eleven and its definition.
DEALING WITH LOSS
1. Relax if you are upset.
2. Think about what you did well.
3. Decide how to do it better.
4. Make plans to try again.
5. Avoid thinking or speaking negatively.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of dealing with loss in the manner described in Session Eleven. If able to describe an example, the student wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
JAMES STRIKES OUT
Three weeks ago James' dream came to life when his parents gave approval for him to travel with a group of 12 students, and his social studies teacher, to Washington D.C. Today, James sat with the group in a Washington restaurant waiting to be served. He was tired but exhilarated after visiting the Washington Monument, The Lincoln Memorial and touring the White House. James' only disappointment was not seeing the President.
"Hey James, you're a Yankee fan aren't you?" asked Bob Anderson while peering over the sports section of the Washington Post.
"Of course I'm a Yankee fan," replied James. He took his dark blue Yankee cap off and waved it at Bob. "I don't wear this thing just to keep the sun out of my eyes you know."
"Well James, I've got great news for you," announced Bob with a smile. "The Yankees start a three game series in Baltimore tomorrow evening. And as you know, Baltimore is only a few miles from us here in Washington."
"Wow, you're kidding," said James with excitement. "Here, let me see."
James ripped the paper from Bob's hands and closely studied the major league game schedule. Sure enough, the Yankees were slated to play the Orioles at 7:00 P.M. in Baltimore tomorrow.
Unable to control his excitement, James leaped from the table and threw his hat into the air.
"James, that will be quite enough," snapped Mrs. Oliver, his teacher, a disapproving frown covering her face. "Do you want to get us thrown out of here with that kind of disruptive behavior? Now shape up!"
"Sorry, Mrs. Oliver," stated James in a sheepish voice.
James slowly tapped a crystal glass filled with ice water as he thought about the situation. "I really must get to that game," he said to himself. "When else would I ever be this close to the Yankees again?"
"Excuse me, Mrs. Oliver," stated James, straining to be polite. "Sorry again about causing such a scene. Bob tells me the Yankees are playing in Baltimore tomorrow evening. Wouldn't it be an educational experience to see this great team play our national past time?"
"Nice try," stated Mrs. Oliver dryly. "We're here to see the nation's capitol, not a baseball game. Besides, I hate the Yankees."
"No problem, Mrs. Oliver. You can root for the Yankees to lose," suggested James, a twinkle in his eye.
Mrs. Oliver gave a long sigh. "James, your parents spent considerable money to allow you to tour the important sites here in Washington. They would be disappointed to hear that we wasted time on a baseball game."
James decided to play hardball with his teacher by attempting to enlist the help of his classmates.
"Bob, your parents wouldn't mind if you went to a ball game, would they?" asked James.
James was delighted with Bob's reply. "Heck no, they'd probably think we were crazy if we didn't go."
James gave an approving nod to Bob.
"Let's take a vote, Mrs. Oliver, and see how many want to go to the game. It's the democratic thing to do." stated James in a confident voice.
"James, drop it!" demanded Mrs. Oliver in a stern voice. "We're not going to the game and I don't want to hear about it again."
"Okay, okay," replied James in a dejected voice.
A waiter wearing formal attire arrived at the table and took orders. Despite a variety of interesting entrees on the menu, James followed the lead of most of his classmates by ordering a hamburger and french fries. Before long the group was devouring their dinners.
James noticed that Mrs. Oliver seemed to be particularly enjoying the shrimp she ordered. "Hmm, maybe she's in a better frame of mind now," he said to himself.
"Mrs. Oliver, you no doubt made a wise choice ordering the shrimp. Right?" asked James.
Mrs. Oliver peered suspiciously at James. "Yes, James, shrimp often is a good choice. I'm very happy with my decision. And how's your hamburger."
"Oh wonderful, Mrs. Oliver. Thanks so much for asking. By the way, you can make another successful choice that we all will profit from. Let us go to the ball game tomorrow."
Suddenly, Mrs. Oliver's eyes narrowed as she directed an intense glare at James. Her voice cracking with emotion, Mrs. Oliver stated loudly, "This is your last warning, James. If you attempt to disrupt our schedule, I can make arrangements for you to catch the next flight back home. Have I made myself perfectly clear, young man?"
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why did Mrs. Oliver deny James' request to see the Yankees play in nearby Baltimore?
ANSWER: The group was in Washington to tour the city, not to see a baseball game. The baseball game did not have enough educational value.
2. By the end of the story, Mrs. Oliver appears quite upset with James. What did James do to irritate Mrs. Oliver?
ANSWER: He would not accept no for an answer.
3. What are the consequences for James of continuing to plead with his teacher?
ANSWER: His teacher is now upset with him.
He may be sent back home if he challenges Mrs. Oliver again.
He may have been embarrassed for getting reprimanded in front of his classmates.
4. What should James have done when his teacher denied his request?
ANSWER: Accept his teacher's decision.
SHARING PERSONAL EXAMPLES OF BEING DENIED A REQUEST.
Indicate that requests are frequently denied by parents and teachers. Describe that requests made by adults to employers and other authority figures are also often denied. Describe that strong feelings are sometimes felt as a result.
Ask students to share personal experiences of being denied a request. It will likely be helpful for the instructor to initiate by sharing one or more experiences. Discuss examples and focus on feelings experienced, responses of both parties and consequences that followed.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF ARGUING WITH AUTHORITY FIGURES
Describe that in the story above, the main character, James, was not successful in arguing and also suffered some negative consequences. Identify these consequences as being reprimanded by his teacher and being subject to dismissal from the tour if he continued to disrupt.
Ask students to identify negative consequences that may occur when someone refuses to accept no for an answer by arguing or pleading. Write responses on the board.
EXAMPLES:
Be reprimanded.
Have privileges removed.
Future requests may less likely be approved.
Negative affect on relationship with parent, teacher, etc.
Cause adult to become upset.
Prolong feeling upset by not dropping the subject.
Person is seen by others as whiny, argumentative or "a baby."
Receive poor citizenship grades in school.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHAT TO SAY AND DO WHEN DENIED A REQUEST
Ask students to provide suggestions for what a person should say or do when denied a request.
Indicate that the solutions should lead to the following results (write results on the board).
1. Avoid an argument.
2. The person being denied the request is able to feel better soon.
3. Requests are more likely to be approved in the future.
Prompt responses by writing the following on the board.
1. What should the person do to remain calm?
2. What facial expression, voice and gestures should be used.
3. What should the person say to the person denying the request.
4. What should the person say to himself/herself?
It will be necessary for the instructor to circulate about the class offering prompts, support and redirection if necessary.
Ask students to share their responses. Accept only socially appropriate suggestions.
Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - ACCEPTING NO FOR AN ANSWER
Summarize student responses into the following definition. Write on the board.
ACCEPTING NO FOR AN ANSWER
1. Relax if upset.
2. Have a serious face (not angry or pouty).
3. Nod your head.
4. Say, "Okay."
5. Don't argue.
6. You may politely ask once when, or under what conditions, request would be approved.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
With volunteer students, model the skill of accepting no for an answer. Situations are provided below. The instructor plays the role of making a request while volunteer students play the role of an adult denying the request. Ask students to observe and provide a grade for the performance based on the above steps. Review if each step was contained in the role play. Continue until the skill has been demonstrated two or three times.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Mix examples with nonexamples. At times make the nonexamples subtle by omitting such steps as nodding head or making eye contact. Ask students to provide a grade for each role play based on the skill steps. Discuss and review if each step was employed. Continue until several examples and nonexamples are role played.
SITUATIONS:
A teacher denies a request to .....
take a test over again,
extend a homework assignment,
provide time in class to do a homework assignment,
watch an educational video brought to class by a student.
A parent denies a request to .....
attend a basketball game,
go fishing,
stay out till midnight,
buy clothing.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request volunteer students to role play use of the skill. In these role plays, the instructor denies a request made by a volunteer student. Employ situations described above or those provided by students. Following each role play, discuss if each step in the skill definition was employed. Continue until several role plays are completed.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Break the class into groups of three. Student one makes a request to student two, who plays the role of a teacher or parent. Student two denies the request. Student one then role plays use of the skill taught. Student three monitors and provides corrective feedback based on the skill definition. Instruct students to rotate assignments after each role play so each student has a chance to assume each role. Situations may be provided by students or those described above.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a surprise reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of accepting no for an answer prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided on the following page. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character using the skill of accepting no for an answer.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character successfully accepting no for an answer.
THE ROLLING ONIONS
Brandi Anderson hoped her mom would say yes. She wanted greatly to travel with her older sister to see her favorite band, the Rolling Onions, perform. Brandi’s 18 year old sister was planning to drive a hundred miles with her friends to Seattle to see the band. They would stay over night and return the next day.
Brandi wore her largest smile as she approached her mom. “Mom, I’ve got a huge favor to ask you,” she stated in an excited voice. “Can I please, please go with Laurie next weekend to see the Rolling Onions? You know how much I love them.”
Mrs. Anderson turned away. Brandi waited anxiously for her reply. Finally, Brandi’s mother turned to face her daughter. In a low voice she stated the crushing words. “I’m sorry, Brandi, I just don’t think you’re old enough for that trip.”
SESSION THIRTEEN
ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a strategy for attending to and profiting from constructive criticism.
SKILL DEFINITION:
ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
1. Relax if upset.
2. Listen.
3. Have a serious face.
4. Nod your head.
5. Make a statement of appreciation.
"Thanks for the suggestion."
"Thanks for the comment."
6. Honestly decide if you can use the advice.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Definitions - constructive criticism and ridicule
Student poll - difficulty accepting constructive criticism
Student brainstorming - what do people do when they experience difficulty accepting constructive criticism
Student brainstorming - why do people have difficulty accepting constructive criticism
Student brainstorming - how to accept constructive criticism
Skill definition - accepting constructive criticism
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Activity - completing a story about a person accepting constructive criticism
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 60 minutes
SESSION THIRTEEN
ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, James Strikes Out, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Twelve and its definition.
ACCEPTING NO FOR AN ANSWER
1. Relax if upset.
2. Have a serious face (not angry or pouty).
3. Nod your head.
4. Say, "Okay."
5. Don't argue.
6. You may politely ask once when, or under what conditions, request would be approved.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of accepting no for an answer as described in Session Twelve. If the student is able to describe an example and provide an associated role play, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
WASP ATTACK
It was too late when Angela saw two wasps eating the half rotten apple lying on the ground. The lawn mower she was pushing dislodged the apple from the grass and pushed it forward. Angela's worst fear was realized. Angry at being disturbed, the two wasps flew from beneath the apple and buzzed Angela's face. Angela screamed and ran to the house for safety. On the way, she saw the hose and decided to protect herself with a spray of water. After turning on the valve she whirled about to do battle. However, the wasps were no where to be seen.
"I hate those horrible wasps," screamed Angela to herself as she threw the hose down, then shut it off. "Why do we have those stupid apple trees anyway? All they do is drop rotten apples and attract bugs." Angela shuttered as she thought about the wasps buzzing near her face.
Angela took a deep breath, regained her courage and walked carefully back to the lawn mower, keeping an eye out all the way for the irate wasps. Deciding it was once again safe, she pulled the cord of the lawn mower which had mysteriously shut off during the wasp attack. The machine sputtered, then fell silent. Angela pulled several more times with no response from the mower. Becoming frustrated, she gave the machine a kick, then walked under the shade of the apple tree to escape the intense summer sun.
Angela's retreat under the tree was short lived as she spotted another wasp in a mushy apple a couple of feet away. "They're horrible," she said to herself with a shudder.
Angela went back to the lawn mower and attempted once again to start it. As before, the machine refused to come to life.
"Hey Angela! Got a problem?" yelled her 18 year old brother, Carlos, from the back door of the house.
Frustrated by the circumstances, Angela snapped, "What do you think?"
"Well I'll tell you what I think," replied Carlos patiently. "You've let too much grass fill the bag. You need to empty it every few minutes. The blade is probably choked up with grass and can't turn. Empty the bag, move the mower to a spot with thinner grass, and give it another yank."
Angela was is no mood to accept any criticism or advice. "Well if you're so smart, why don't you come out here and mow the grass, and fight the wasps too," said Angela, nearly in tears.
Angela waited for Carlos' reply but heard nothing. Looking up, she saw that he was no longer at the door.
"He doesn't know anything," she said to herself.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why was Angela so impatient with Carlos?
ANSWER: She was frustrated by her experience with the wasps, the lawn mower and the heat.
2. Is Angela under control and making good decisions?
ANSWER: She is not under control and is not making good decisions.
3. What were some bad decisions made by Angela?
ANSWER: She kicked the lawn mower.
She attempted to fight with the wasps.
She refused to learn from her brother=s advice.
4. Could Carlos suggestion that the lawn mower was clogged with grass have been correct?
ANSWER: Yes.
5. What would you recommend to Angela?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
DEFINITIONS - CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM AND RIDICULE
Write the following definitions of constructive criticism and ridicule on the board.
Constructive criticism is a statement that a person has made an error. It is intended to be helpful and often describes what a person could do differently.
Ridicule is a negative statement meant to embarrass or hurt someone. It often exaggerates someone's errors, may include name calling and is not intended to be helpful.
Offer examples of both constructive criticism and ridicule.
STUDENT POLL - DIFFICULTY ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
Ask students to raise their hands if they have ever experienced difficulty accepting constructive criticism. Difficulty might be manifested by not listening, or arguing with the person offering criticism. The instructor should exhibit honesty by raising his/her hand as well.
Discuss that accepting criticism is often difficult.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHAT DO PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY EXPERIENCE DIFFICULTY ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
This activity can be done individually or in groups.
Ask students to think for a few moments about unhelpful things people do when experiencing difficulty accepting constructuve criticism. Ask students to write their responses on a piece of paper. Describe to students that it may be helpful to think of a time they had difficulty accepting criticism.
Ask students to read responses. Write summaries on the board.
EXAMPLES:
Do not listen.
Argue back.
Criticize the person offering criticism.
Call names.
Make faces or gestures of disapproval.
Stay away from the person in the future.
Talk about the person behind their back.
Get angry at someone else.
Discuss the negative consequences associated with these behaviors.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE DIFFICULTY ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
This activity can also be done individually or in groups.
Indicate that difficulty accepting criticism is very common and experienced by almost everyone.
Ask students to think for a few moments about why people have difficulty accepting honest criticism. Ask students to write their responses on a piece of paper. Describe to students that it may be helpful to think of a time they had difficulty accepting criticism.
Ask students to read responses. Write summarizes on the board.
EXAMPLES:
They feel it makes them "look bad."
They think the person is trying to attack them.
It is hard to listen to something negative about something you have done or not done.
Criticism often indicates a need for change and change is often difficult.
You become emotional when hearing criticism and then it's hard to think clearly.
The person mistakes constructive criticism for ridicule.
The person might be upset about something else and is so irritated that he/she cannot listen to the advice.
The person might be angry at the person offering the criticism and cannot listen.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - HOW TO ACCEPT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
Ask students to identify how to appropriately accept constructive criticism. Prompt responses by asking about facial expression, tone of voice, what should and should not be said and what a person might say to himself/herself. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
Summarize student responses into the following steps. Write on the board.
ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
1. Relax if upset.
2. Listen.
3. Have a serious face.
4. Nod your head.
5. Make a statement of appreciation.
"Thanks for the suggestion."
"Thanks for the comment."
6. Honestly decide if you can use the advice.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
With volunteer students, model the skill of accepting criticism. Situations are provided below.
The volunteer student offers constructive criticism while the instructor models the skill steps. It may be helpful to review briefly what the volunteer student will say when providing criticism. Model step six (honestly decide if you can use the advice given) by verbalizing what you might say to yourself. Ask students to observe and provide a grade for the performance based on the above steps. Discuss. Continue until the skill has been demonstrated two or three times.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Mix examples with nonexamples. At times make the nonexamples subtle by omitting such steps as relaxing (taking a deep breath) or having a serious face. Ask students to provide a grade for each role play based on the skill steps. Discuss and review if each step was employed. Continue until several examples and nonexamples are role played.
SITUATIONS:
1. A teacher comments that a student has squeezed math problems into too small a space leaving inadequate room to show work. The teacher suggests that problems be spread out.
2. A teacher notes that a student does not seem to read directions before answering questions or completing a task. The teacher describes this concern to the student.
3. A person comments to his friend that he is not choking up enough when batting.
4. A person mentions to his friend that he sometimes talks too loud and too often and, as a result, may lose friends.
5. A parent comments to her son that he is spending far too much time talking on the phone and not enough time on homework.
6. A parent comments to his daughter that her room would be more presentable to friends and more enjoyable to herself if she cleaned it.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request volunteer students to role play use of the skill. In these role plays, the instructor provides constructive criticism. Employ situations described above or those provided by students. Following each role play, discuss if each step was employed. Encourage as many volunteers as possible to role play the skill since classwide role plays are not recommended.
ACTIVITY - COMPLETING A STORY ABOUT A PERSON ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
Hand out the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity I, found at the end of the session. Instruct students to read the story starter and write an ending that depicts the main character responding to constructive criticism in the manner defined above.
It will be helpful for the instructor to circulate about the class to provide guidance and suggestions. It may be necessary to assist some students with the organization and mechanics of written expression.
Select students to read their story endings. Discuss.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a surprise reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of accepting constructive criticism at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity II, provided at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the story character appropriately accepting criticism.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Aaron, responding appropriately to constructive criticism.
UNWANTED ADVICE
Aaron's feet were draped over the arm of the overstuffed living room chair as he completed his math homework. Aaron also kept an eye on the basketball game being shown on the T.V. in front of him.
"Aaron, you would probably complete your math homework more quickly and with greater accuracy if you did it at the desk in your room," stated Aaron's mother in a serious voice.
Aaron looked up at his mother.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Traci, responding appropriately to constructive criticism.
LEARNING MORE
Traci quickly stopped talking to her neighbor when she heard Mrs. Nakashima, her teacher, call her name. “Traci, please check with me after the class is over,” stated Mrs. Nakashima in a quiet voice.
Traci slowly walked toward Mrs. Nakashima’s desk after class. She hoped she wasn’t in too much trouble.
Mrs. Nakashima, in a pleasant voice, began suggesting to Traci that she would learn more if she participated in class discussions rather than talk with neighbors.
SESSION FOURTEEN
HANDLING A REPRIMAND
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a socially appropriate response to a reprimand.
SKILL DEFINITION:
RESPONDING TO A REPRIMAND
1. Relax.
2. Have a serious face.
3. Listen.
4. Nod your head occasionally.
5. Follow directions.
6. Use a serious tone of voice.
7. Say what you will do right the next time.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Define reprimand
Student poll - frequency of reprimands
Student brainstorming - how to handle a reprimand
Skill definition - responding to a reprimand
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Student brainstorming - rationales for skill use
Activity - completing a story about a person responding to a reprimand
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 60 minutes
SESSION FOURTEEN
HANDLING A REPRIMAND
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Wasp Attack, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Thirteen and its definition.
ACCEPTING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
1. Relax if upset.
2. Listen.
3. Have a serious face.
4. Nod your head.
5. Make a statement of appreciation.
"Thanks for the suggestion."
"Thanks for the comment."
6. Honestly decide if you can use the advice.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of accepting criticism as described in Session Thirteen. If the student is able to describe an example and demonstrate the response in a role play, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
I TOLD YOU SO
Mrs. Gregory paced slowly across the front of the classroom as students drew maps of Northern Africa.
"Class, you have about ten more minutes to complete the maps," stated Mrs. Gregory in a kind voice. We want to leave enough time to see a video about weather patterns of the Sahara Desert. You might be surprised how much weather actually exists in the Sahara."
Mrs. Gregory inspected the work of students as she began to move up one row and down the other.
"I must say, I'm impressed by the excellent performance I'm seeing. You should be very proud of yourselves."
Mrs. Gregory continued to circulate around the room, at times answering student questions. Within a few minutes she walked to the front of the classroom to make an announcement.
"Class, if you've finished your map, please pass it forward so I can take a closer took at them. If you haven't completed, take your map home and bring it back tomorrow. Again, you folks are doing a wonderful job on this project," stated Mrs. Gregory with a smile.
Mrs. Gregory moved to the video monitor located in a front corner of the classroom.
"As I promised, we have a treat for you today. I was able to obtain a fascinating video about weather on the Sahara Desert. I previewed it yesterday and learned some things I didn't know about the Sahara," explained Mrs. Gregory in an excited voice as she reached down to turn on the machine.
The class patiently waited for the video to begin. However, the screen remained lit but blank.
"Hmm. I wonder what's wrong here," said Mrs. Gregory in a voice filled with surprise. "Oh, it must be my old age. I took the video to the faculty room to show it to some other teachers and left it there. Students, just please sit quietly for a couple of minutes while I run down and get the cassette. I know I can count on you," stated Mrs. Gregory as she confidently nodded her head.
Immediately after Mrs. Gregory left the room, noise began to build. Within minutes, several students left their seats to visit and two boys began throwing a hacky sack to each other in the back of the class.
"Hey, I've got a great idea," said Brett Crandall across the row to his friend, Mark Smith. "Let's watch T.V."
"Nothing R rated now," warned Bill Adamson with a laugh.
The three boys ran to the video monitor, turned it on and began changing channels.
"Hey, you guys better get back in your seats," warned Marcia Johnson, a red haired girl sitting in the middle of the class. "You're going to get in big trouble."
"She won't know," stated Bill as he shot a wicked look at Marcia.
"Oh yes she will!" boomed the loud voice of Mrs. Gregory from the door. Carrying a video cassette in her hand and a frown on her face, the teacher marched to the front of the class.
Instantly, silence enveloped the room. The three boys at the video monitor scurried to their seats without a word.
"I'm very disappointed I couldn't step out of this classroom for even a few minutes. You people need to learn to act as mature students," lectured Mrs. Gregory in a stern voice, her face flushed with anger. Now I do expect this class to sit quietly for a minute while I visit with Brett, Mark and Bill in the hall.
Mrs. Gregory motioned in a demanding manner for the trio to follow her.
"I told you so," snickered Marcia in a whisper as Bill passed her desk.
Standing in the hall, Brett, Mark and Bill knew from the expression on Mrs. Gregory's face that they were in serious trouble.
"And what business do you have playing with the equipment in that room?" asked Mrs. Gregory sharply, her eyes moving from one boy to the other.
"No business," stated Brett in a meek voice.
"Sorry, Mrs. Gregory," said Mark.
"I don't want to see this kind of behavior again in my class. Is that clear?"
The three boys nodded in unison.
"I expect to see a one page report on proper classroom behavior on my desk by tomorrow morning," demanded Mrs. Gregory.
"But we weren't the only ones out of our seats," complained Bill in an emotional voice. "That's not fair."
With a hard stare directed at Bill, Mrs. Gregory stated, "Bill, I don't think you have any reason to complain."
"But we weren't the only ones messing around," challenged Bill again, his hands on his hips. "Why don't they get in trouble?"
"Bill, you've just stepped over the line, young man. I want you to report to the vice principal's office this minute," stated Mrs. Gregory in a firm voice. "I'll be sending a report down there about your behavior in just a moment. Brett and Mark, you two can return to your seats."
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. How did Mrs. Gregory's mood and attitude change from the beginning of the story to the end?
ANSWER: At first she was pleased and happy. By the end of the story she was disappointed and upset.
2. What caused the change in Mrs. Gregory's attitude?
ANSWER: The class failed to follow her directions to sit quietly.
3. Why did Mrs. Gregory decide to talk with Brett, Mark and Bill when other students were also out of their seats?
ANSWER: They were playing with the video monitor.
They were most noticeable since they were at the front of the class.
Bill said, AShe won=t know.@ This statement upset Mrs. Gregory.
4. Why did Bill get sent to the Vice Principal's Office while Brett and Mark did not?
ANSWER: When Mrs. Gregory assigned a consequence, Bill began to argue and challenge Mrs. Gregory. Brett and Mark did not argue.
5. Was Bill under control and thinking clearly when he began to argue and talk back?
ANSWER: Probably not since his behavior was not helpful.
6. Besides having to visit with the vice principal, what are other negative consequences that might occur for Bill because he argued and talked back?
ANSWER: After school detention, in school suspension, etc.
Mrs. Gregory might form a negative attitude about Bill. His future relationship with Mrs. Gregory might suffer.
Brett and Mark may perceive Bill as someone who lacks self control. His future relationship with them might suffer.
The Vice Principal might be more harsh if Bill has future violations.
7. If Bill was your friend, what would you suggest to him?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
DEFINE REPRIMAND
Write the following definition on the board.
A reprimand is a statement by somebody in authority disapproving something you have done.
Cite examples and make the following points:
1. Reprimands are very common and issued by both teachers and parents.
2. Adults can be reprimanded as well as kids.
3. A reprimand means the person in authority does not approve of your behavior. It does not mean the person dislikes you.
4. People who don't know how to handle a reprimand often end up in more trouble than they were in before.
STUDENT POLL - FREQUENCY OF REPRIMANDS
Take a poll in which students are asked to raise their hand if they have been reprimanded in the last 24 hours, in the last week, and in the last month. The instructor should respond as well.
Invite students to share examples.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - HOW TO HANDLE A REPRIMAND
Indicate that in the story above, Bill finds himself visiting the vice principal because he was unable to successfully handle a reprimand.
Ask students to describe what a student should do when being reprimanded in order not to get into greater trouble. Elicit responses by asking for information about facial expression, tone of voice and what the person should say or do. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write student responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - RESPONDING TO A REPRIMAND
Summarize student responses into the following steps. Write on the board.
RESPONDING TO A REPRIMAND
1. Relax.
2. Have a serious face.
3. Listen.
4. Nod your head occasionally.
5. Follow directions.
6. Use a serious tone of voice.
7. Say what you will do right the next time.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
In order to model the skill, it is best to employ an adult to role play delivering a reprimand while the instructor role plays responding to the reprimand. If another adult such as a teacher or instructional aide is not available, then select a mature volunteer student with strong verbal skills. Situations can be found below.
Ask students to closely observe if each step is employed in the role play and provide a grade based on the above steps. Model appropriate response a few times.
Indicate that in the following role plays there may be errors. Mix examples with nonexamples of the skill. In nonexamples, omit one or more parts of the skill such as failing to nod your head or not having a serious face. Ask students to provide a grade based on the skill steps.
SITUATIONS - HOME
1. A parent reprimands a girl because she arrives home late.
2. A parent reprimands a girl because she leaves the television on while not in the room.
3. A parent reprimands a girl after she brings home a poor report card.
4. A parent reprimands a boy for teasing his sister.
5. A parent reprimands a boy because he forgot to mow the lawn.
SITUATIONS - SCHOOL
1. A teacher reprimands a boy for talking excessively in class.
2. A teacher reprimands a boy for kicking his locker shut.
3. A teacher reprimands a boy for throwing a cookie across the cafeteria to a friend.
4. A vice principal reprimands a girl for sluffing classes.
5. A vice principal reprimands a student for splashing water from a drinking fountain onto another student.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request volunteer students to role play use of the skill. In these role plays, the instructor delivers a reprimand while the student makes a response. Employ situations described above or those provided by students. Following each role play, discuss if each skill component was employed. Encourage as many volunteers as possible to role play the skill since classwide role plays are not recommended.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - RATIONALES FOR SKILL USE
Ask students to identify benefits of using the skill. Write responses on the board.
EXAMPLES
1. Relax and stay under control so you can think clearly and not say something you would be sorry for later.
2. Avoid further irritating the person.
3. Avoid more significant punishment.
4. Avoid relationship problems with the person.
5. Avoid being identified as a "problem."
6. Avoid losing friends who may not want to associate with someone who "gets in trouble."
7. The more the skill is used, the easier it is to use in the future.
ACTIVITY - COMPLETING A STORY ABOUT A PERSON RESPONDING TO A REPRIMAND
Hand out the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity I, found at the end of the session. Instruct students to read the story starter and write an ending that depicts the main character successfully responding to a reprimand.
It will be helpful for the instructor to circulate about the class to provide guidance and suggestions. It may be necessary to assist some students with the organization and mechanics of written expression.
Select students to read their story endings. Discuss.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a surprise reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW ACTIVITY TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE THE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of responding to a reprimand at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity II, found at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character responding appropriately to a reprimand.
Ask volunteers to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Janice, appropriately responding to a reprimand.
As Janice waited outside the office for Mrs. McGowan, the Vice Principal, she thought back to the events that got her into trouble. At the time it just seemed like a fun prank. The sprinklers were running in the front of the school and Janice, without thinking of the consequences, directed the flow of water toward several of her friends. Her friends got wet, but so did Mr. Thornton, Janice's math teacher. But that was only the beginning. A few moments later, Mrs. Crandall, the school principal, slipped on the wet sidewalk and sprained her ankle.
The door to Mrs. McGowan's Office opened. Janice passed a stern faced Mrs. McGowan as she walked in. Seated next to Mrs. McGowan's desk was Mrs. Thornton, a pair of crutches at her side and an unhappy expression on her face.
Janice began to feel her heart pound, and her thoughts race as the door to Mrs. McGowan's Office closed.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Andre, responding appropriately to a reprimand.
HALF HOUR LATE
Andre Hill looked at his watch as he left Juan’s house. He knew he would be at least a half hour late getting home. Andre ran the two blocks to his house as fast as he could. Out of breath, he opened the front door to find his mother sitting on the couch. Her stern face told Andre she was unhappy.
“Andre, please come here. I want to talk to you this minute,” stated Mrs. Hill in an irritated voice.
SESSION FIFTEEN
APOLOGIZING
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a strategy for making a socially appropriate apology.
SKILL DEFINITION:
APOLOGIZING
1. Relax.
2. Be close enough that you can talk easily.
3. Make eye contact.
4. Have a serious voice.
5. State that you are sorry.
"I am sorry for ...."
"I apologize for ...."
6. Describe the offense and how it hurt the person.
7. Ask person to accept the apology.
8. Ask or describe what you will do to make up for the offense.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Activity - apology survey
Discuss that the ability to apologize for an offense shows courage, maturity and self control
Student brainstorming - apologizing
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Student brainstorming - rationales for use of skill
Classwide role plays
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 60 minutes
SESSION FIFTEEN
APOLOGIZING
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, I Told You So, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Fourteen and its definition.
RESPONDING TO A REPRIMAND
1. Relax.
2. Have a serious face.
3. Listen.
4. Nod your head occasionally.
5. Follow directions.
6. Use a serious tone of voice.
7. Say what you will do right the next time.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of responding to a reprimand as described in Session Fourteen. If the student is able to describe an example and role play the skill, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
FIELD OF BROKEN DREAMS
Carmen walked out the back door of her home into a bright sun. A light breeze carried the fresh scent of rain that fell earlier in the morning. The air was refreshingly cool this spring day and the sound of birds frolicking in the trees made Carmen feel happy.
"Wow, what a great day for a softball game," said Carmen to herself as she filled her lungs with the fresh spring air.
Earlier in the spring, Carmen thought she would hate to play softball. However, after her friends, Consuella and Tracey, had insisted that she participate in the church softball league, Carmen decided she couldn't get enough of the sport. She especially loved to field ground balls at third base.
Carmen knew that today's game was particularly important. A win would insure her team a place in the championship tournament. A loss would mean the end of the season and a long wait till next spring to compete again.
Carmen reluctantly left the sound of birds behind as she entered the kitchen through the back door.
"Hey mom, have you seen Angelita?" asked Carmen. "The webbing on my softball mitt ripped and I need to ask if I can borrow hers."
Carmen's mother was busy cleaning the table of breakfast dishes. "No, but try down in her room. You may find her there."
Carmen scurried downstairs to find Angelita dancing along to music blaring loudly from a stereo. "Hey, Angelita," yelled Carmen above the sound of the music. "Can I borrow your softball mitt? Mine is broken and I need yours for the game today."
Angelita loved her little sister but was annoyed by her frequent interruptions. Turning off the loud music Angelita snapped, "For Pete's sake, can't you see I'm busy, Carmen? You want a mask?"
"No, not a mask, a mitt - your softball mitt. Mine's broken and I need to borrow yours for the game. Please?" begged Carmen, straining to be polite.
Angelita studied her little sister without saying a word.
"I know she'll lose it," she thought. "She's such an air head. If she doesn't lose it she'll probably drop it in the mud or somehow ruin it. She couldn't even take care of her own mitt. I can't let her be responsible for a valuable thing like my softball mitt."
"Angelita, did you hear me?" asked Carmen impatiently. "Please let me borrow your mitt. I promise I'll take care of it."
Angelita took a deep breath and shook her head. "No, I'm sorry, Carmen, I can't let you use it today. I might need it this afternoon. Go ask one of your goofy friends or borrow one from a teammate. Mine's busy."
Carmen's head fell as she left the room, knowing there was no use arguing with her older sister. "I'll just have to borrow one from one of my teammates or maybe from someone on the other team. Somebody will let me use a mitt," she said confidently to herself. "Besides, Coach Montoya might have an extra mitt."
Carmen was greeted by her friends, Consuella and Tracy, when she arrived at the ball field. Several teammates were throwing softballs to each other in preparation for the big game.
"Let's practice," stated Consuella excitedly.
"Yea, I'll bat and you guys can field," suggested Tracy as she ran to home plate with a bat in her arms.
"Well, I don't have a mitt," explained Carmen.
"Wow, you can use mine." said Tracey. "It's left handed though."
"Well, I'll just pitch without a mitt and Consuella can field. I'll ask coach for a mitt when he arrives," stated Carmen.
Consuella ran to short stop while Carmen walked through thick grass to the pitcher's mound. Tracy hit several grounders to Consuella who skillfully scooped them off the infield dirt.
"Hey try to catch this line drive," challenged Tracey.
Carmen swung her arm and the ball arched to home plate. Tracey lunged forward with a mighty swing. A crack thundered across the ball field. With eyes wide open in terror, Carmen saw the softball traveling at tremendous speed toward her head. She threw up her right hand to protect herself. The screaming drive caught Carmen's little finger and bent it back before bounding into center field. Carmen dropped to her knees in pain, gingerly holding her injured hand.
"Carmen, are you okay?" cried Tracey as she ran to the pitchers mound. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you."
Tears filled Carmen's eyes as she held up her right hand. The little finger, throbbing in pain, was bent back at a unnatural angle and unable to be moved. Carmen knew it was broken.
Coach Montoya, who had just arrived, raced to the mound to inspect the damage. "Wow, I'm sorry, Carmen. I believe you've broken that finger," he stated with alarm. "It will heal but I need to get you home immediately so your parents can take you to see a doctor."
The tears flowed more freely as Carmen realized she would not play softball today, or again till next spring. Her teammates swarmed around her before she left in Coach Montoya's car. Their efforts to cheer her met with failure.
Later that afternoon, Carmen sobbed alone in her bedroom, a large splint on her right hand and her broken mitt on her left hand. The sound of Carmen's sobs met Angelita's ears as she paced back and forth in her own bedroom. Angelita was stung by feelings of guilt, knowing that if she had let her sister use her mitt, this accident would never have happened.
"Why didn't I just let her use it. I didn't really need the dumb thing," stated Angelita to herself. "She would have let me use her mitt. She's always generous."
Angelita wanted to say something to help Carmen while at the same time relieving her own guilt. Angelita slowly walked to Carmen's room and opened the door to find her little sister rocking back and forth on her bed. Their eyes met and Angelita fumbled for words, then hung her head, not knowing what to say.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Carmen is feeling very sad at the end of the story. Will these feelings go away in time?
ANSWER: Certainly.
2. At the beginning of the story, Angelita feels annoyed with her little sister, Carmen. How does Angelita feel at the end of the story?
ANSWER: Guilty, sorry, remorseful
3. Why didn't Angelita let Carmen use her mitt?
ANSWER: She was afraid Carmen would lose or damage it.
She did not trust Carmen to be responsible.
4. What are the consequences for Angelita of not allowing her sister to use her mitt?
ANSWER: She now feels guilty and sad.
5. What do you think Angelita should do in order to help both Carmen and herself feel better?
ANSWER: Apologize.
6. Angelita appears to be experiencing difficulty finding the words to apologize to Carmen. Why is this?
ANSWER: It is difficult to admit an error and apologize.
She is so upset and feeling so guilty that she has become flustered.
She avoids apologizing and is rusty at it.
ACTIVITY - APOLOGY SURVEY
The purpose of this activity is to provide insight into the many circumstances that call for
an apology. Some of these situations are harder to respond to than others.
Pass out the apology survey form located at the end of this session. Ask students to complete the survey individually without putting names on the form. Collect surveys, shuffle them, and distribute completed surveys randomly to the class. With a calculator, compute the average rating for each of the eight questions as students call out responses.
Discuss that there is considerable variability between individuals in feeling of need to apologize and difficulty of apologizing based on the person offended and the nature of the offense. However, the situations in which we find ourselves that call for an apology are numerous.
DISCUSS THAT THE ABILITY TO APOLOGIZE FOR AN OFFENSE SHOWS COURAGE, MATURITY AND SELF CONTROL
Describe that while apologizing is not easy or enjoyable, it can be seen in a positive way.
Write the following words on the board:
COURAGE
MATURITY
SELF CONTROL
Describe that the person who is able to apologize for an offense has demonstrated .....
courage by admitting an error, accepting responsibility and dealing with it positively,
maturity by understanding how his/her actions hurt another person,
self control by expressing regret for hurtful actions.
Ask students the following questions about the introductory story. Discuss answers.
1. Was Angelita courageous by admitting that she made a mistake?
ANSWER: Yes, she admitted the mistake to herself and apparently is trying to apologize to Carmen.
2. Was Angelita courageous by accepting some responsibility for her sisters injury?
ANSWER: Yes, she is not making excuses or blaming the injury on others.
3. Was Angelita courageous by trying to deal with her error positively?
ANSWER: Yes, she approached Carmen in an attempt to help her feel better.
4. Was Angelita mature by understanding how her refusal to allow Carmen to use her mitt contributed to the injury?
ANSWER: Yes, and as a result she felt guilty.
5. Did Angelita have good self control?
ANSWER: She demonstrated self control by approaching Carmen but lacks adequate self control to express herself.
Describe that the present lesson cannot teach courage or maturity. However, it can teach skills that will give a courageous and mature person the self control to apologize effectively.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - APOLOGIZING
Ask students to identify what a person should say and do when apologizing for a mistake. Elicit responses by asking questions concerning facial expression, tone of voice, body stance, and words. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - APOLOGIZING
Summarize student responses into the following steps. Write on the board.
APOLOGIZING
1. Relax.
2. Be close enough that you can talk easily.
3. Make eye contact.
4. Have a serious voice.
5. State that you are sorry.
"I am sorry for ...."
"I apologize for ...."
6. Describe the offense and how it hurt the person.
7. Ask person to accept the apology.
8. Ask or describe what you will do to make up for the offense.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
Role play skill by apologizing to volunteer students. Ask students to provide a grade and review if each step was employed. Repeat three or four times. Situations are described below.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Randomly mix role plays of examples and nonexamples of the skill. Attempt to make nonexamples subtle at times by omitting such steps as not having adequate eye contact or not adequately describing how the offense was hurtful. Ask students to provide grades for each role play. Discuss if each step was employed.
SITUATIONS:
1. A jacket is borrowed from a friend for a camping trip. The jacket is lost.
2. A person makes fun of her friend's lack of skill in reading orally. The person feels badly when she realizes that her friend overheard the remarks.
3. Due to carelessness, a person mows down a row of flowers along the border between his house and his neighbors.
4. A person forgets to meet his friend at the park to play basketball. The friend, upset, reports the offense to the person.
5. A person is horsing around at the top of the stairs and accidentally pushes a classmate down the stairs. The classmate hurts her ankle.
6. A person receives an A on a science test. He shows his grade to a friend who only received a C-. The person laughs at the poor grade and makes a remark about how easy the test was for him. The person later feels badly about his behavior.
7. A person promises to make dinner when her mom has to work late. The person forgets and continues to play with a friend. When she arrives home, the mother is upset.
8. A girl borrows a bike from her friend. She rides the bike through several mud puddles and delivers it to the friend with mud splashed over much of the bike.
9. A person is walking down the hall talking to a friend. The person is not watching where he is going and bumps into another student, sending his books flying into the air.
10. A teacher has found it necessary to talk with a student after class because of his frequent disruptive comments in class.
11. A person feels guilty after fighting with his sister and ripping up one of her favorite posters.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request volunteer students to role play use of the skill. Situations described above or those suggested by students may be employed. In some situations it may be necessary to discuss in advance what the person might do to compensate for the offense (Step 7). After each role play discuss if each skill step was used.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - RATIONALES FOR SKILL USE
Ask students to identify reasons why it is valuable to apologize after offending another person or persons. Write responses on the board.
EXAMPLES:
1. Patch up a relationship that has been affected by an offense.
2. Avoid an argument, fight or loss of a relationship.
3. People are more likely to apologize to you in the future if you apologize for your mistakes.
4. People will view you as mature and courageous.
5. Each time you apologize it is easier to apologize in the future.
6. You feel better after accepting responsibility for offensive behavior and offering an apology.
7. A person who has been hurt or offended is deserving of an apology.
8. It helps the offended person feel better.
CLASSWIDE ROLE PLAYS
Break class into groups of three. Instruct students to identify a situation that calls for an apology. Situations may be those described above or suggested by students. Student one role plays making an apology to student two. Student three monitors and provides corrective feedback based on the skill definition. Instruct students to rotate assignments after each role play so each student has a chance to assume each role.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a surprise reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of apologizing at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter provided at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character appropriately apologizing.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
APOLOGY SURVEY FORM
DIRECTIONS: Below are situations in which you have offended another person. For each situation, rate the importance of apologizing and the difficulty you would experience apologizing for the offense. Circle the appropriate number to indicate your response.
SITUATION ONE:
Your parents expect you home by 10:00 P.M. Due to forgetfulness, you don't arrive home until 11:00 P.M. Your parents appear anxious and concerned.
IMPORTANCE OF APOLOGIZING TO PARENTS:
NOT IMPORTANT VERY IMPORTANT
1 2 3 4 5
DIFFICULTY APOLOGIZING TO PARENTS:
VERY EASY VERY HARD
1 2 3 4 5
SITUATION TWO:
You have walked into class late on several occasions. Your teacher is upset by the disturbance and speaks with you after school about it.
IMPORTANCE OF APOLOGIZING TO TEACHER:
NOT IMPORTANT VERY IMPORTANT
1 2 3 4 5
DIFFICULTY APOLOGIZING TO TEACHER:
VERY EASY VERY HARD
1 2 3 4 5
SITUATION THREE:
You promised to meet your close friend at the park at 4:00 P.M. Due to forgetfulness, you arrive at 5:00 P.M. to find an unhappy friend sitting on a park bench.
IMPORTANCE OF APOLOGIZING TO FRIEND:
NOT IMPORTANT VERY IMPORTANT
1 2 3 4 5
DIFFICULTY APOLOGIZING TO FRIEND:
VERY EASY VERY HARD
1 2 3 4 5
SITUATION FOUR:
You promised to play a video game with your little brother at 4:00 P.M. Due to forgetfulness, you arrive in the den at 5:00 P.M. Your little brother appears unhappy.
IMPORTANCE OF APOLOGIZING TO LITTLE BROTHER:
NOT IMPORTANT VERY IMPORTANT
1 2 3 4 5
DIFFICULTY APOLOGIZING TO LITTLE BROTHER:
VERY EASY VERY HARD
1 2 3 4 5
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character appropriately apologizing.
THE BROKEN POLE
The broken fishing pole lay on the ground. Chris bent over, picked up the two pieces and tried to fit them together.
“Why wasn’t I more careful carrying Jake’s pole through the woods?” Chris asked himself. “What can I say to Jake? This is his favorite pole.”
Two days later Chris arrived home from his back country fishing trip. He walked around the corner to Jake’s house. In his hands were the two pieces of the broken pole.
Jake’s eyes met Chris’ as the door opened.
SESSION SIXTEEN
CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a strategy to express anger in a socially appropriate manner.
SKILL DEFINITION:
CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
1. Be aware of your body.
2. Get under control.
Walk away or turn away
Relax by taking deep breaths
3. Think before acting.
4. Decide what has made you angry.
5. Tell the person what made you angry.
Be specific
Be brief
6. Don't hurt.
Don't name call, threaten or touch
7. Stay relaxed and ignore if the person argues.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Label anger as normal, common and often appropriate
Define that it is okay to feel angry but not okay to hurt
Discussion - body awareness: detecting when you are becoming angry
Student brainstorming - controlling and expressing anger
Skill definition - controlling and expressing anger
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Review apologizing
Student role plays
Activity - completing a story about a person controlling and expressing anger
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 70 minutes
SESSION SIXTEEN
CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Field of Broken Dreams, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Fifteen and its definition.
APOLOGIZING
1. Relax.
2. Be close enough that you can talk easily.
3. Make eye contact.
4. Have a serious voice.
5. State that you are sorry.
"I am sorry for ...."
"I apologize for ...."
6. Describe the offense and how it hurt the person.
7. Ask person to accept the apology.
8. Ask or describe what you will do to make up for the offense.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of apologizing as described in Session Fifteen. If the student is able to describe an example and demonstrate the skill by use of a role play, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
GONE FISHING
Jake studied a vulture as it circled high overhead in a clear Kansas sky. Tired after completing several hours of farm chores, Jake enjoyed laying in the waist high grass outside his home. A breeze pushed the grass back and forth.
"Hey Jake, are you around here?"
Jake recognized the voice to be that of his good friend Allen Barton who lived on a farm a mile or so down the road. Jake was about to answer his friend's call when an idea struck him. He would wait till Allen moved closer and jump out of the high grass to ambush him.
Within moments Allen was within striking distance. Leaping from a crouch, Jake's body met Allen's and the boys began wrestling. After flattening a considerable area of grass, the two came to a rest.
"You scared the heck out of me, Jake. I didn't see you," stated Allen.
"I know. That was my plan," replied Jake with a smile.
"Well, I came over to see if you want to go catfishing. I bet they're really biting down at the pond.
Jake stood up and looked at a line of cottonwood trees that divided his parents farm from the farm owned by the Bartons. A muddy pond, full of catfish and bullfrogs, rested under the trees.
"Heck yes, I'll go," exclaimed Jake in an excited voice. "I just need to get my new fishing pole. This will be my first chance to use it." Jake paused for a moment. "What about bait?" he asked in a curious voice.
"No problem. We'll catch some hoppers in the grass around the pond. Catfish love em," explained Allen.
Allen gave his friend a strong push that sent Jake sprawling into the grass. "Now we're even," he yelled as he ran toward his parent's farm. "I'll meet you at the pond in a few minutes."
Jake picked himself up and headed for the front door of the white, two story farm house. The tall grass gave way to a finely manicured lawn. Jake bounded up the front steps, across the porch and through the front door.
"Hey mom and dad, I'm goin fishin with Allen down at the pond. I'll bring home a mess of catfish for dinner."
"Good luck," responded his mom from the kitchen. "I'll stick with my plan to fry some chicken just in case the fish aren't biting."
Jake sprinted out the front door again and around the side of the house to the barn where the family kept an assortment of fishing poles. He rummaged about to find his new rod and reel. It was not in sight. "I thought I left it right here," he said to himself with surprise.
Jake grabbed an older pole he had used for years, as well as his tackle box. Within a moment he was on the dirt track toward the pond. About halfway to the line of trees, Jake spotted Allen crashing through tall grass to meet him.
"Let's see your new pole," stated Allen.
"I couldn't find it, Allen. I thought I left it in the barn but it wasn't there."
"Don't worry, the fish don't care," stated Allen confidently.
Rounding a bend in the trail, Jake saw the pond, as well as a surprise. His little brother, Ben, was sitting on a log at the side of the muddy water."
"It looks like Ben has the same idea we have," said Jake.
"Yea, I wonder if he's caught any," replied Allen.
"Not the way he fishes," responded Jake.
The two boys walked under the shade of giant cottonwood trees to the waters edge.
"How's the fishing Ben," asked Allen.
"Nothing yet but I had a hit a little while ago," answered Ben as he turned, a large smile covering his freckled face.
Jake looked at Ben's fishing outfit. Rage began to boil within him as he recognized his pole. The tip sat beneath the water and mud was splattered on the reel and rod handle.
"You little jerk," exploded Jake in an angry voice. "You took my pole without even asking. And look at it. You don't know how to take care of anything."
"I'm not hurting it," stated Ben in a sassy voice.
"You are too," roared Jake. "You little idiot! You've probably got mud inside the reel."
"I do not," challenged Ben loudly. "And I'm not an idiot."
"Okay, you're a moron then," yelled Jake, his eyes flashing.
"If I tell mom what you said ..."
Before Ben could finish, the rage that was consuming Jake boiled over. He gave his brother a mighty push, sending Ben head first into the muddy water of the pond. Ben screamed while thrashing about. Allen quickly grabbed Ben's arm and pulled him from the pond. Water dripped from his clothes as mud oozed from his shoes.
Tears filled Ben's eyes as he screamed, "I'm telling mom and you're really in trouble now." Ben ran down the trail toward home.
Jake reached down to reclaim his fishing outfit. Pulling it from the pond, he noticed the tip was broken, shattered when Ben landed in the water.
"He ruins everything!" screamed Jake.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why couldn't Jake find his fishing outfit in the barn?
ANSWER: His little brother, Ben, had taken it, without asking, to go fishing.
2. How does Jake feel when he sees Ben fishing with his new rod and reel?
ANSWER: Angry, resentful
3. Is Jake successful in maintaining self control?
ANSWER: No.
4. What does Ben do that causes Jake to lose control of himself?
ANSWER: He argues with Jake and threatens to tell his mom that Jake called him names.
5. What are the consequences for Jake of losing his temper?
ANSWER: He later feels guilty about hurting his brother.
Allen may view him in a negative way.
He'll probably get in trouble with his parents.
He damages his relationship with his brother.
His fishing pole is broken.
The fishing trip is ruined.
6. What should Jake have done in this situation?
ANSWER: Relax and ask for the fishing pole.
Explain to his brother what he feels angry about.
Accept any reasonable response.
LABEL ANGER AS NORMAL, COMMON AND OFTEN APPROPRIATE
Take the following poll:
Ask students to raise hands if they would have been angry if they were Jake and found Ben with the fishing pole?
Ask students to raise hands if they have ever felt as angry as Jake?
Ask students to raise hands if they have felt some degree of anger in the last 24 hours.
Write the following words on the board:
NORMAL
COMMON
APPROPRIATE
Identify that feeling angry is ......
normal since we all feel angry at times,
common since it is a frequently occurring experience for all of us,
appropriate since some situations are offensive or hurtful.
DEFINE THAT IT IS OKAY TO FEEL ANGRY BUT NOT OKAY TO HURT.
Ask students to identify frequent responses made when angry.
Call names.
Threaten.
Yell.
Remind person of past offenses.
Physically hurt - hit, push, etc.
Indicate that it is okay to feel angry but not okay to hurt.
Discuss how Jake, the character is the story, hurt Ben and review the consequences that followed.
HURTFUL BEHAVIOR: Called names (idiot, moron)
Accused Ben of not being able to take care of anything.
Pushed Ben.
CONSEQUENCES: Fishing pole broken.
Likely will be in trouble with parents.
May feel guilty later.
Damages relationship with brother.
Fishing trip ruined.
His friend, Allen, may view him in a negative way.
DISCUSSION - BODY AWARENESS: DETECTING WHEN YOU ARE BECOMING ANGRY
Review that in Session Ten the body experiences associated with losing self control were discussed. Ask students to identify these body experiences. Prompt responses by asking what happens to your breathing, your thinking, etc.
EXPERIENCES AND EFFECTS OF STRONG EMOTIONS:
Rapid breathing Queasy feeling in stomach
Heart races, pounds. Muscles tighten.
Sweating More difficult to talk
Knees or legs shake Hands shake
Difficulty concentrating Fuzzy thinking
May make poor choices Lack of self control
Face becomes flushed Dry mouth
Indicate that it is important to do something to avoid losing control as soon the above experiences are noted.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
Indicate to students that it is important to stay under control and express anger in ways that do not get you in trouble. Ask students to identify what a person who is angry can do to maintain control and express anger in a manner that does not get the person into trouble. Accept only socially appropriate responses.
Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
Summarize student responses into the following steps. Write on the board.
CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
1. Be aware of your body.
2. Get under control.
Walk away or turn away
Relax by taking deep breaths
3. Think before acting.
4. Decide what has made you angry.
5. Tell the person what made you angry.
Be specific
Be brief
6. Don't hurt.
Don't name call, threaten or touch
7. Stay relaxed and ignore if the person argues.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
With volunteer students role play controlling and expressing anger as defined above. Ask students to provides grades for each role play based on the skill definition. Review if each step was employed. Repeat three or four times. Situations are described below.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Randomly mix role plays of examples and nonexamples of the skill. Attempt to make nonexamples subtle at times. In nonexamples, include acts of nonviolent hurting such as threatening or calling names. Ask students to provide grades for each role play. Discuss if each step was employed.
SITUATIONS:
1. Your brother or sister has gotten into your bedroom without permission and made a mess.
2. A friend promised to meet you at the movies. You waited for over an hour. You now see you friend at school.
3. Someone keeps breaking the rules of a game and you're becoming very irritated.
4. You received an F on a math test. A friend has told several other students. You are upset.
5. Your brother or sister forgot to tell you about an important telephone call from a friend. You are very upset.
6. Your younger brother or sister keeps interrupting you while you talk on the phone.
7. Your friend borrowed your bike. Later you walk by his house and see the bike sitting on the lawn. The sprinkling system is watering both the lawn and your bike.
8. The clerk at the music store promised to save a tape for you. When you arrive, the tape has been sold.
REVIEW APOLOGIZING
Mention to students that sometimes issuing an apology is an appropriate response if a person expresses anger to you. This is typically the case when your behavior has been offensive, resulting in anger being experienced by another person. Briefly review the steps taught in Session Fifteen for apologizing.
1. Relax.
2. Be close enough that you can talk easily.
3. Make eye contact.
4. Have a serious voice.
5. State that you are sorry.
"I am sorry for ...."
"I apologize for ...."
6. Describe the offense and how it hurt the person.
7. Ask person to accept the apology.
8. Ask or describe what you will do to make up for the offense.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request student volunteers to demonstrate the skill of controlling and expressing anger. In the first few role plays, a volunteer role plays use of the skill with the instructor. In some role plays, the instructor responds with an apology. In other role plays the instructor responds by arguing.
In time, use pairs of students, one expressing anger, the other role playing the apology response. Do not permit students to argue since this is practicing an inappropriate behavior. Include as many students as possible since classwide role plays are not recommended for this skill. Situations described above may be used or those provided by students.
ACTIVITY - COMPLETING A STORY ABOUT A PERSON CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
Hand out the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity I, found at the end of the session. Instruct students to read the story starter and write an ending that depicts the main character controlling and expressing anger.
It will be helpful for the instructor to circulate about the class to provide guidance and suggestions. Some students may require additional assistance organizing ideas or with the mechanics of written expression.
Ask a number of students to read their story endings. Discuss.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a surprise reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of controlling and expressing anger at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity II, provided at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character controlling and expressing anger in an appropriate manner.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Jennifer, successfully controlling and expressing anger.
CONFRONTATION IN THE LUNCHROOM
Jennifer took her seat in math class and flipped open her book. She was surprised to see writing on the first page as well as several other pages. The writing concerned Jennifer's recent poor play in a softball game in which she struck out three times. Jennifer knows that her friend, Jason, wrote in her book as a prank. However, she is upset because he wrote in pen and the book is now damaged.
Later, Jennifer sees Jason in the lunch room. She walks over to the table at which he is seated.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character, Brad, appropriately controlling and expressing anger.
STICKY BOOKS
Brad’s eyes bulged as he looked in his locker. His locker mate, Alex, had spilled a soda pop all over the contents of the locker. Many of Brad’s books were sticky as well as his prized New York Yankees baseball cap. Brad felt his face grow hot with rage.
An hour later Brad saw Alex in the lunchroom. Still angry about the mess in the locker, Brad walked up to Alex.
SESSION SEVENTEEN
WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a socially appropriate response strategy when a friend is being made fun of.
SKILL DEFINITION:
WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND
1. Relax if you are becoming upset.
2. Respond when making fun starts.
3. In a calm but firm voice state that you don't like talking about a friend.
4. Briefly describe why.
5. Politely leave if making fun continues.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Share personal experiences
Student brainstorming - why do people make fun of others?
Student brainstorming - what to do when someone is talking about a friend
Skill definition - when someone is talking about a friend
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Student brainstorming - rationales for use of skill
Activity - Rewrite a story to depict character using skill
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 70 minutes
SESSION SEVENTEEN
WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Gone Fishing, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Sixteen and its definition.
CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING ANGER
1. Be aware of your body.
2. Get under control.
Walk away or turn away
Relax by taking deep breaths
3. Think before acting.
4. Decide what has made you angry.
5. Tell the person what made you angry.
Be specific
Be brief
6. Don't hurt.
Don't name call, threaten or touch
7. Stay relaxed and ignore if the person argues.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill of controlling and expressing anger as described in Session Sixteen. If the student is able to describe an example, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
PIG OUT AT THE PARTY
April rang the doorbell at 312 Maple Lane. A plump woman with round face and graying hair answered.
"Oh, you must be here for the party, dear," she said in a shrill voice. "Come right in, please."
April entered a large, well furnished living room. At one side a crackling blaze filled a fire place. Family pictures decorated the mantle. April immediately recognized the picture of her new friend, Beth. At the other end of the room an immense picture window offered a view of what seemed to be miles of backyard. From the window April spotted the party in progress.
"And what is your name?" asked the plump woman cheerfully.
"I'm April Anderson."
"Of course, I recognize the name. I'm Beth's mother," stated the woman. "Well come right along dear, the fun is in the backyard."
April was led through a formal dining room, down a long hallway and out into bright sunlight warming the expansive yard. April recognized a group of boys and girls playing volleyball in a corner of the yard, as well as a group sitting in a circle under a tree.
"Hey April, come on over," stated a loud voice to April's right.
April twirled about to see Sam Jones, Brenda Parker and Barbara Grant seated around a table at the corner of the large house. The three were long time friends of Aprils. Mountains of food covered the plates in front of each.
April approached her friends with a smile. "Wow, where did you guys get all that food?" she asked. "It's making me hungry."
"Not as hungry as someone else we know," stated Brenda Parker with a laugh.
"Oink, oink," giggled Sam, almost falling from his chair.
"What?" questioned April in a confused voice.
"We got it from Beth's kitchen," stated Barbara Grant with a sneer. "No wonder Beth has such a waddle."
It became clear to April that her friends were making fun of Beth's appearance. Beth was a bit overweight with chubby cheeks and husky arms. But she was also a very nice girl who April enjoyed. The two played violin in the school orchestra.
"Hurry up and get some, April," stated Sam through a mouthful of potato chips. "If you don't grab it now, someone else you know will."
April felt anxious about the mean spirited discussion and attempted to change the subject. "Wow, this is some house, isn't it?" she asked.
"Yea, they really live high on the hog here," exploded Barbara in laughter. The three began to laugh uncontrollably, almost spilling food off the table.
"I don't think that's very nice you guys," stated April in a soft voice. "Beth was very thoughtful to invite us to her party."
"Yea, she probably doesn't want to be the only porker around. She's trying to fatten us up," stated Brenda wickedly.
April sat quietly at the table as her three friends continued to poke fun unmercifully at Beth. Suddenly the laughter came to an abrupt halt. April looked up to see what had happened.
Beth stood at the side of the table, a hurt look covering her face. "I heard what you were saying," she said, trying to choke back tears. Beth shot a nasty glance at April while declaring, "At least I know who my friends are."
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. How does April feel when her friends are making fun of Beth?
ANSWER: Anxious, uncomfortable
2. Why didn't Sam, Brenda and Barbara stop making fun of Beth when April said it was impolite?
ANSWER: They were having fun.
April didn't seem very serious because she spoke in a soft voice.
3. Would Sam, Brenda and Barbara have made fun of Beth if Beth was present.
ANSWER: Probably not since they stopped when Beth appeared.
4. What should April do now?
ANSWER: Apologize to Beth and hope that their friendship is strong enough to overcome this event.
Accept any reasonable response.
5. What should April have done when she heard her friends making fun of Beth?
ANSWER: Leave.
Accept any reasonable response.
6. What consequences might this event have for each of the characters?
ANSWER: Beth's self esteem might suffer and she will likely be more sensitive about her appearance.
April might view her friends, Sam, Brenda and Barbara, in a less
favorable manner.
April’s friendship with Beth is in jeopardy.
Sam, Brenda and Barbara have probably lost Beth as a friend.
SHARE PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
Take the following poll:
Ask students to raise hands if they've ever felt uncomfortable when a friend, or group of friends, made fun of another friend.
Ask students to raise hands if they've ever been the victim of an individual or group making fun.
Ask students to share personal experiences. Indicate that individuals should not be identified. The instructor should be prepared to provide personal examples.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF OTHERS?
Make three points:
1. Unfortunately, it is common for people to make fun of another person who is not present.
2. The activity of making fun is often more intense or abusive when a group is involved rather than just a single person.
3. This situation can create anxiety or anger when the person being talked about is a friend.
Ask students to identify why an individual or group might make fun of another person who is not present. Write responses on the board.
EXAMPLES:
1. To get attention.
2. It draws laughs.
3. To appear "cool."
4. To get even for some past deed of the person being talked about.
5. Some people may feel more important when they detract from another person.
6. Making fun of another person is easier than carrying on a conversation about another topic.
7. The person being talked about may be familiar to everyone, thus creating a common topic of conversation.
8. The people who are making fun do not think about the consequences of their behavior.
9. A person may make fun so often that it is second nature. The person does it automatically, without thinking.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND
Ask students to identify what they might do when a conversation turns to making fun of a friend who is not present. Accept only socially appropriate responses. Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND
Summarize student responses into the following steps. Write on the board.
WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND
1. Relax if you are becoming upset.
2. Respond when making fun starts.
3. In a calm but firm voice state that you don't like talking about a friend
4. Briefly describe why.
5. Politely leave if making fun continues.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
It will be necessary to enlist the help of another adult such as an aide or volunteer to role play making fun. Students should not be asked to practice this socially inappropriate behavior. First, choose a situation in which making fun is demonstrated. Possible situations are described below or can be suggested by students. With another adult playing the role of making fun, the instructor role plays responding as described above. Ask students to provide a grade and review if each step was employed. Repeat three or four times.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Randomly mix role plays of examples and nonexamples of the skill. Attempt to make nonexamples subtle at times. For instance, the instructor might not respond immediately to making fun or might use an emotional rather than calm voice. Ask students to provide grades for each role play. Discuss if each step was employed.
SITUATIONS:
1. Andre is talking with his friend Bob. Bob begins referring to Jake, a friend to both boys, as "stupid" and "dumb." Bill finds himself becoming upset.
2. Kathy is talking with her friend Marie. Marie starts making negative statements about the appearance of Sue, who is also a friend to Kathy.
3. Abdul’s friend, Mark, starts making fun of Abdul's little brother who is having a difficult time scoring in a basketball game.
4. Karen is talking to Alexis. Alexis begins discussing the bad grades earned by one of Karen's friends, Andrea.
5. Roberto feels upset when he hears his friend, Chris, laugh about the difficulty another friend, Adam, has lifting weights.
6. Tiffany feels upset when she hears her friend, Sara, describe another friend, Alicia, as "stuck up" and a "snob."
7. Aaron feels upset when he hears his friend, Brian, describe another friend, Darren, as a "coward" and "chicken" because Darren chose not to ride on the roller coaster.
8. Christine wishes Joy would stop making fun of Becky's choice of clothing.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request student volunteers to demonstrate the skill of responding to someone making fun of a friend. In these exercises, the instructor plays the role of making fun. It would be helpful to employ another adult to form a small group involved in making fun. The volunteer student demonstrates use of the skill. After each role play discuss if each step of the skill definition was employed. Include as many students as possible since classwide role plays are not recommended for this skill. Situations described above may be used or those provided by students.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - RATIONALES FOR USE OF SKILL
Ask students to identify reasons for use of the skill. Write responses on the board.
EXAMPLES:
1. To reduce discomfort of having a friend talked about.
2. To defend a friend in a manner that does not cause an argument or loss of friends.
3. To avoid feeling guilty about being involved in talking about a friend.
4. To avoid being caught talking about a friend.
5. To reduce the likelihood your friends in the future will make fun while you're in a conversation with them.
6. To be courageous.
7. To be a loyal friend.
ACTIVITY - REWRITE A STORY TO DEPICT CHARACTER USING THE SKILL
Hand out Story Writing Activity I found at the end of the session. Instruct students to read the story and identify how the ending might be changed to depict the character using the skill taught in this session. Students are then to rewrite the story ending.
It will be helpful for the instructor to circulate about the class to provide guidance and suggestions. Some students may require assistance organizing ideas as well as help with written expression.
Ask a number of students to read their story endings. Discuss with emphasis on skill use and its consequences.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a surprise reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Prior to the next session, review the skill of responding appropriately when someone is talking about a friend. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity II, found at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character responding appropriately when a friend is talked about.
Ask volunteer students to read their story endings. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Read the following story. Decide how the main character, Alex, could have responded more appropriately when his friend was talked about. Rewrite the story with Alex using the skill presented in this lesson.
HARD FEELINGS
Alex sat at the end of the bench watching his teammates take fielding practice before the softball game. Two of Alex's teammates, Rick and Joe, sat next to Alex. Coach Thompson hit a grounder to Stan Owens at second base. Stan bobbled the ball, then picked it up and threw it over the first baseman's head.
"He's worthless," said Rick. "The guy couldn't catch a ball with a butterfly net."
"Yea, he'll probably cost us another game," agreed Joe. "What a klutz."
Alex began to feel angry. Stan was his best friend and he always gave maximum effort on the field.
"Who ever asked him to play on this team anyway?" asked Rick.
"I asked him to play," responded Alex in a nasty voice. "Besides, he's probably better than the two of you put together."
Joe shot an angry look at Alex. "One things for sue, Alex. He's better than you. All you give us is a bunch of strikeouts."
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please write an ending to the story below. Describe the main character, Jessica, appropriately responding when a friend is talked about.
BURNED EARS
Jessica’s ears burned as she sat at the lunch table with her friends, Amy and Heather. She couldn’t believe the nasty things they were saying about her close friend, Abby. Jessica was about to go ballistic when she heard Amy refer to Abby as “stuck on herself.”
SESSION EIGHTEEN
DEALING WITH REJECTION
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a strategy for coping with social rejection.
SKILL DEFINITION:
DEALING WITH REJECTION
1. Relax if upset.
2. Politely leave people who shun you.
3. Think about or do something that makes you happy.
4. Immediately reject negative thoughts and exaggerations.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Define feeling rejected or shunned as common and normal
Student brainstorming - common responses to being shunned and associated problems
Student brainstorming - what to do when you feel rejected
Skill definition - dealing with rejection
Expand step three - think about or do something that makes you happy
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Activity - completing a story about a person dealing with rejection
Classwide contracting
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 60 minutes
SESSION EIGHTEEN
DEALING WITH REJECTION
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Pig Out at The Party, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Seventeen and its definition.
WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND
1. Relax if you are becoming upset.
2. Respond when making fun starts.
3. In a calm but firm voice state that you don't like talking about a friend.
4. Briefly describe why.
5. Politely leave if making fun continues.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill described in Session Seventeen. If the student is able to describe an example and provide a role play, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
TURKEY DELIGHT
Kate inspected the different foods as she walked slowly along the cafeteria serving line at Ocean View Middle School. Kate decided she had eaten the spaghetti a million times since first grade and couldn't handle another soggy fork full. Mashed potatoes and meat gravy was the next selection. Kate stuck up her nose, certain the gravy contained motor oil. A selection Kate did not recognize followed. Noodles swam in a steaming yellow juice with chunks of unidentifiable meat sticking up like mountain peaks.
"What is that stuff?" asked Kate, pointing curiously at the mystery mixture.
"Oh, this is our special of the day, dear," responded an elderly woman behind the counter. With a large spoon she began turning the noodles into the bubbling yellow liquid. "We call it turkey delight. Try some, you'll love it."
"Okay, I'm brave," said Kate with a smile. A large serving of turkey delight slid off the lunch worker's spoon onto Kate's tray.
Kate surveyed the lunchroom to determine where other seventh graders were located. She spotted Becky and Brandy, two friends since elementary school, seated at a long table in the middle of the noisy room.
"I wonder if they were brave enough to try this stuff?" giggled Kate to herself as she strolled toward the two.
"Hi, Becky. Hi, Brandy," greeted Kate in a bubbly voice. "Did you guys try the mystery meal?"
Becky looked at Kate with a cold expression. "No," she said curtly.
"I was pretty brave to choose this stuff," reported Kate.
"Yea, I guess so," responded Brandy, a look of disapproval covering her face.
"So what are you talking about?" asked Kate enthusiastically.
"Nothing that would interest you," answered Brandy in an unkind voice.
"Oh," responded Kate quietly.
Becky and Brandy began exchanging thoughts about activities for the coming weekend. However, their conversation did not include Kate, who sat passively nibbling turkey delight.
Trying again to join the conversation, Kate asked hopefully, "Would you guys like to do something this weekend?"
Becky and Brandy looked at each other and said nothing.
"Come on, there's all kinds of cool things we could do," stated Kate in disbelief.
"Kate, your cool things just wouldn't interest us," replied Becky in a cruel voice.
Instantly Kate felt her breath taken away. Her spirit sank as she looked down into her tray of soggy yellow noodles.
"What did I say to upset them?" she asked herself.
Kate's shoulders fell as she thought about the times classmates and friends had been mean to her. Her mind settled on a recent incident with her best friend, Angela. Angela had hung up the phone on Kate when the two could not agree on a movie to see. They had not spoken since.
A feeling of loneliness overcame Kate. "Nobody seems to like me. I don't have a friend in the world," she said to herself convincingly.
Kate looked up to find that Becky and Brandy had quietly left the table. She continued to sit alone, stirring turkey delight and thinking about her loneliness and rejection.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. What caused Kate's cheerful attitude to change so quickly?
ANSWER: Her friends, Becky and Brandy, were rude and snubbed Kate.
2. Kate asked herself what she had done to upset Becky and Brandy. Kate assumed she had done something offensive. Is it possible that Becky and Brandy are being mean for some reason not related to Kate? What might have caused Becky and Brandy to be in bad moods?
ANSWER: Yes.
Accept any reasonable response.
3. Kate feels very sad when she realizes her friends don't want to talk to her. What does Kate do that makes her continue to feel sad and lonely?
ANSWER: She thinks about times when people were mean or she was rejected.
4. Kate said, "Nobody seems to like me. I don't have a friend in the world." Is this statement accurate? Do you think Kate does have a friend?
ANSWER: Yes.
5. Why has Kate decided she has no friends?
ANSWER: Her feelings have overcome her thinking and judgement. She is not thinking clearly.
6. If you were Kate's friend, what would you suggest to her?
ANSWER: Don't dwell on negative thoughts too much when an upsetting event occurs.
Say positive things to yourself.
Accept any reasonable response.
DEFINE FEELING REJECTED OR SHUNNED AS COMMON AND NORMAL
Ask students to raise their hands if they have never felt rejected or shunned by another person or group of people.
Indicate that feeling rejected or shunned happens occasionally to all of us and is a normal experience.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - COMMON RESPONSES TO BEING SHUNNED AND ASSOCIATED PROBLEMS
Ask students to describe what people often do when they feel shunned or rejected by others. Write responses on the board.
EXAMPLES:
Think about it often
Feel sad Withdraw
Feel sorry for self Cry
Exaggerate Become quiet
Become angry Get even
Argue Threaten
Talk about person(s) Think about getting even
Become angry with someone else
Write the following words on the board:
WITHDRAW AND FEEL SORRY FOR SELF
LASH OUT
COMBINATIONS OF WITHDRAWING AND LASHING OUT
Describe that feeling rejected is a very emotional experience. In response to these strong feelings, people often withdraw and feel sorry for themselves, lash out, or combinations of both.
Discuss problems associated with withdrawal and feeling sorry for self. Elicit responses from students.
EXAMPLES:
You avoid situations that would cheer you up.
You start to make the problem bigger than it is.
You think unhappy thoughts which lead you to feel worse.
Other people may choose not be around you because you are unhappy.
Discuss problems with lashing out. Elicit responses from students.
EXAMPLES:
You cause people to reject you.
You draw attention to yourself.
People will lash out at you in response.
You lose friends.
People who would have been helpful choose to avoid you.
People don't know you are sad and feel rejected.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FEEL REJECTED
Ask students to identify what a person can do when he/she feels rejected. Indicate that solutions must meet the following conditions.
1. The person feels better.
2. The person does not lose friends or hurt others.
Accept only socially appropriate responses. Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - DEALING WITH REJECTION
Summarize student responses into the following solution. Write on the board.
DEALING WITH REJECTION
1. Relax if upset.
2. Politely leave people who shun you.
3. Think about or do something that makes you happy.
4. Immediately reject negative thoughts and exaggerations.
EXPAND STEP 3 - THINK ABOUT OR DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
Read the following examples which depict a character successfully dealing with rejection by thinking about or doing something that elicits happiness. Discuss.
EXAMPLE ONE:
Jake lived to play basketball. For years he practiced to make the team at Washington Junior High. However, this afternoon, Jake was knocked off his feet when his name did not appear on the list of finalists for the school team. Realizing he had been cut from the team, Jake felt as if his world was collapsing around him. However, he managed to relax and think about what to do. Jake talked to Coach Smith and asked what he needed to work on in order to make the team in the future, as well as in high school. Jake began immediately concentrating on improving his skills in order to make the team next year. Besides, he thought to himself, many N.B.A. players had been cut from teams in junior high or high school.
EXAMPLE TWO:
Melody was stunned yesterday when she heard her two friends, Kathy and Angie, state that her loud laugh was annoying. Angie even suggested that Melody "wear a muzzle." Deeply upset, Melody was about to lose control of herself. However, she regrouped by taking a deep breath, then decided to leave her friends and find her best friend, Amy, to talk with. She decided that discussing an upcoming slumber party with Amy would put her in better spirits.
EXAMPLE THREE:
Sue had asked Jennifer on three separate occasions to go to a movie with her. Each time, Jennifer had an excuse. Sue finally concluded that Jennifer did not want to go to the movies with her. She felt like phoning Jennifer one more time to call her a snob, but managed to gain control of herself. Sue quickly forgot about her problem with Jennifer when she got on the phone with Liz and discussed plans for a school science project the two were working on. Before hanging up, Sue invited Liz to the movies. Sue was delighted when Liz accepted the invitation.
Ask students to identify what they do or think about to feel happy. In order to encourage student responding, it is important that the instructor share personal experiences.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
It will be necessary to employ one or more adults to role play an individual who rejects or shuns. Students should not be asked to role play these responses since they are socially inappropriate. The instructor responds to being rejected by using the skill steps defined above. It will be necessary to think out loud at times to demonstrate some skill steps such as thinking about something positive or rejecting negative thoughts. In addition, it may be necessary to use a volunteer student as someone the instructor seeks out in order to engage in a positive activity. Situations are provided below or can be suggested by students. Ask students to monitor if all skill steps are employed and provide a grade.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Randomly mix demonstrations of examples and nonexamples. At times make nonexamples subtle by omitting such steps as relaxing or leaving politely. Ask students to provide a grade for each role play based on the above skill definition.
SITUATIONS:
1. Someone suggests that you are not competent to participate in an athletic activity.
2. You are seated at a table in the library reading a book. You overhear someone at an adjacent table describing you as "stuck on yourself," and a "snob."
3. You start a conversation with a friend but he/she responds coldly and seems to ignore you.
4. You invite a friend to a party but he/she declines saying the last party you threw was boring.
5. You are talking with two friends. They begin discussing what they will be doing this afternoon and don't invite you. You feel left out.
6. You are visiting with two friends. The subject turns to the school science fair. The two friends suggest working together on a project. You offer your assistance but they abruptly indicate that you lack sufficient knowledge to contribute.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
Request student volunteers to demonstrate the skill of dealing with rejection. In these exercises, the instructor plays the role of rejecting or shunning the student volunteer. It would be helpful to employ another adult to form a small group that shuns. The volunteer student demonstrates use of the skill. Instruct student volunteers to verbalize their thoughts for skill steps three and four. After each role play discuss if each step of the skill definition was employed. Include as many students as possible since classwide role plays are not recommended for this skill. Situations described above may be used or those provided by students.
ACTIVITY - COMPLETING A STORY ABOUT A PERSON DEALING WITH REJECTION
Hand out the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity I, found at the end of the session. Instruct students to read the story starter, then complete the story so that it describes the main character successfully dealing with rejection.
It will be helpful for the instructor to circulate about the class to provide guidance and suggestions. Some students may require additional assistance in organizing ideas as well as help with written expression.
Ask volunteers to read their story endings. Discuss.
CLASSWIDE CONTRACTING
Request students to practice use of the skill prior to the next session. Indicate that at the outset of the next session, names will be randomly drawn. Those students who are able to describe use of the skill, as well as provide a role play, will earn a surprise reward.
Deliver rewards to winners identified at the outset of the session.
REVIEW EXERCISE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE NEXT SESSION
Review the skill of dealing with rejection at some point prior to the next session. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Acitivity II, found at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character responding successfully to rejection.
Ask volunteer students to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Fernando, successfully dealing with rejection.
FOR WINNERS ONLY
Fernando cheerfully greeted his friends, Marcus and Andrew, as they stood near the front door of Liberty Middle School. Marcus and Andrew were discussing a baseball game they hoped to organize after school. After Fernando suggested he could play first base, his friends shook their heads and began laughing.
"No way," said Marcus. "This game is for winners only."
Fernando felt his heart beginning to pound. His face burned with anger.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Angie, successfully dealing with rejection.
DESPERATE
Angie became alert when she heard her older sister, Rebecca, talking with a friend about going to a dance at the high school. Angie thought it would be great fun to tag along.
“Rebecca, please let me go with you. I promise I won’t do anything stupid.”
Rebecca looked at Angie, then rolled her eyes but said nothing.
“Come on, Rebecca. Show your little sister what high school is all about,” pleaded Angie.
“No way, Angie,” stated Rebecca in a firm voice.
SESSION NINETEEN
WHEN A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO GET IN TROUBLE
LESSON OVERVIEW
PURPOSE: To provide students a strategy to deny requests by friends to engage in inappropriate behavior.
SKILL DEFINITION:
WHEN A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE
1. Ask questions to fully understand what the person is asking you to do.
2. Say no in a firm voice.
Use eye contact and say person's name.
3. Explain why.
4. Invite person to do something else.
5. Leave if person does not accept invitation.
INSTRUCTIONAL SEQUENCE:
Review content of previous session
Review homework and contracting from previous session
Introductory story
Story discussion questions
Student poll - being asked to do something that would get you into trouble
Discussion activity - why do people say yes to trouble when they want to say no?
Student brainstorming - what to do when a friend asks you to get into trouble
Skill definition - when a friend asks you to get into trouble
Model skill and demonstrate examples and nonexamples
Student role plays
Activity - completing a story about a person saying no to trouble
SESSION LENGTH: Approximately 50 minutes
SESSION NINETEEN
WHEN A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE
REVIEW CONTENT OF PREVIOUS SESSION
Briefly describe the story, Turkey Delight, from the previous session. Ask students to describe the skill taught during Session Eighteen and its definition.
DEALING WITH REJECTION
1. Relax if upset.
2. Politely leave people who shun you.
3. Think about or do something that makes you happy.
4. Immediately reject negative thoughts and exaggerations.
REVIEW HOMEWORK AND CONTRACTING FROM PREVIOUS SESSION
Request that a student who is listening effectively draw from the jar containing student names. The student who is drawn is asked if he/she, since the last session, practiced the skill described in Session Eighteen. If the student is able to describe an example and provide a role play, he/she wins a surprise reward at the end of the session. Provide corrective feedback. Continue until at least three winners are found.
INTRODUCTORY STORY
Read the following story. Indicate that questions will be asked following the story.
SPEECHLESS
A cold autumn wind blew leaves down the street as Dan and his friend, Jeff, walked along Elm Avenue toward the edge of town. The two boys were eager to spot some rabbits that Jeff had seen the previous day in a wooded area just outside their small Georgia
community.
"Is that where you saw them?" asked Dan in a hopeful voice.
"Yea, that's the area," stated Jeff excitedly as he pointed toward a stand of pine trees nestled along the side of a small hill. "Keep your voice down so we don't scare them."
Dan and Jeff carefully walked through the pine woods in search of the elusive rabbits. A biting wind roared through the trees. Bright sunlight penetrated the woods but did little to warm the two hunters. Despite searching for some time, no rabbits were found.
Dan blew on his hands in an attempt to bring them warmth as he asked, "Do you think they left because it's too cold."
"Are you kidding me?" responded Jeff with surprise. "Rabbits don't migrate like birds. They probably heard us coming and ran into their homes in the ground."
"That sounds like a great idea," stated Dan with enthusiasm. "Why don't we run home where it's warm and do something else?"
"Yea, this is a bust," agreed Jeff.
As the two boys exited the pine woods, Jeff spotted an abandoned house in a clearing choked by tall grass and weeds. Peeling white paint hung from the sides of the dilapidated two story house. The windows were without glass and a large front door hung open, partly detached from it's hinges. Two large sycamore trees, stripped of their leaves, stood to each side of the old house.
"Hey, I've got a great idea," boasted Jeff enthusiastically. "Let's go spend some time in that old house. I've got some matches so we can start a fire to stay warm."
"You must be crazy!" yelled Dan in alarm. "That's trespassing."
"No it's not," stated Jeff emphatically. "No one lives there and we're not going to hurt anything."
"Well, what if we get caught?" asked Dan nervously.
"Who's going to catch us?" asked Jeff.
Unable to respond to Jeff's question, Dan stood shaking his head. He was aware it was wrong to enter private property and that he and his friend would be in serious trouble if they were caught.
"Come on, Dan. We'll just go in long enough to look around, start a fire and get warm before we head for home. It'll be fun," assured Jeff in a confident voice as he started walking toward the abandoned house.
The chilling wind grew stronger. Dan shivered as he watched Jeff crash through weeds and tall grass on his way to the old house. He thought about heading for home but decided Jeff would consider him afraid if he did that.
Jeff reached the old house and looked in through the open door. "Hey, there's no one here, Dan. It's safe. There's a fireplace for us to start a fire. Come on, don't be afraid," yelled Jeff as he waved to Dan.
Becoming increasingly cold, Dan stepped off the roadway and followed Jeff's path to the house.
"Hey, this is cool," stated Jeff excitedly as Dan joined him at the front door.
The two boys carefully pulled back the door and entered the dimly lit house. Dan brushed away cobwebs as he studied a large room with no furniture. The wooden floor creaked as the boys moved about.
"Let's start a fire and get warm," suggested Jeff.
Dan and Jeff gathered twigs, dry grass and small branches from around the house. They assembled the material in the fireplace and, after several attempts, were able to start a fire.
Dan felt more relaxed as the air warmed and he watched the flames dance about. He studied a small spider that emerged from the rock wall of the fireplace to escape the gathering heat.
Suddenly, Jeff and Dan heard the front door swing open. As they turned, an intense light blinded them. The boys sprang to their feet to find two police officers with flashlights studying them.
"What are you two boys doing in here?" asked one of the officers in a strong voice.
Jeff and Dan looked at each other but remained speechless.
"This is trespassing and vandalism," stated the other officer firmly. "You'll need to come with us in the patrol car."
Dan felt his knees shake and a lump grow in his throat as he followed the instructions of the officers to leave the house.
STORY DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Did Dan want to follow Jeff into the abandoned house?
ANSWER: No.
2. Why did Dan follow Jeff into the house even though he knew it was wrong and they might get in trouble?
ANSWER: He was cold and he thought Jeff might consider him afraid if he left.
3. Would Jeff have considered Dan afraid if Dan had walked home rather than enter the house?
ANSWER: Accept any reasonable response.
4. Would it be normal and appropriate for a person to be afraid to illegally enter an abandoned house?
ANSWER: Yes.
5. Would Jeff have stayed at the house and started a fire if Dan had left?
ANSWER: Perhaps not since he probably liked the companionship as well as support of his friend.
Accept any reasonable response.
6. The police officers described the actions of Jeff and Dan as trespassing and vandalism. Is this accurate?
ANSWER: Yes. Entering a home, even if abandoned, is trespassing. Starting a fire in a home without permission could be considered vandalism.
7. What might happen next?
ANSWER: The boys might be taken to juvenile detention.
The boys might be taken home to their parents.
The parents may restrict their activities.
Accept any reasonable response.
STUDENT POLL - BEING ASKED TO DO SOMETHING THAT WOULD GET YOU INTO TROUBLE
Ask students to raise their hands if they have been asked to participate in an activity that would get them in trouble.
Discuss that such requests are not uncommon.
DISCUSSION ACTIVITY - WHY DO PEOPLE SAY YES TO TROUBLE WHEN THEY WANT TO SAY NO?
Indicate that in the story above, the main character, Dan, says yes to a request to get into trouble when he wanted to say no. Ask students to identify why people sometimes say yes when they would prefer to say no. Write responses on the board.
EXAMPLES:
Afraid to lose friends.
Peer pressure is too great.
Person does not think of consequences of actions.
Person does not want to "look bad."
Easier to say yes than no.
Person does not feel comfortable saying no to friends.
STUDENT BRAINSTORMING - WHAT TO DO WHEN A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE
Ask students to identify what a person can do when a friend asks him/her to get into trouble. Indicate that solutions must meet the following two conditions.
1. The person does not lose a friend.
2. The person stays out of trouble.
Accept only socially appropriate responses. Write responses on the board.
SKILL DEFINITION - WHEN A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE
Summarize student responses into the following five step definition.
WHEN A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE
1. Ask questions to fully understand what the person is asking you to do.
2. Say no in a firm voice.
Use eye contact and say person's name.
3. Explain why.
4. Invite person to do something else.
5. Leave if person does not accept invitation.
MODEL SKILL AND DEMONSTRATE EXAMPLES AND NONEXAMPLES
It will be necessary to employ at least one adult such as a teacher, aide or volunteer to play the role of a person asking the instructor to engage in an inappropriate activity. Students should not be asked to play this role. The instructor demonstrates use of the skill as defined above. After each role play ask students to provide a grade based on the skill definition. Review if each skill component was used. Use situations described below or those suggested by students.
Indicate to students that the following role plays may contain errors. Randomly mix demonstrations of examples and nonexamples. At times make nonexamples subtle by omitting such steps as saying the persons name, making eye contact or leaving immediately. Ask students to provide a grade for each role play based on the above skill definition.
SITUATIONS:
A friend asks you to ...
1. throw rocks at an abandoned house,
2. steal a sample of a test from a teacher's desk drawer,
3. stay out beyond a curfew imposed by your parents,
4. sluff a class,
5. tell a lie about another person,
6. fish in a pond marked no trespassing,
7. shoplift from a store,
8. push some small children into the mud,
9. throw a water balloon into the girls restroom,
10. deflate the tires of a bike.
STUDENT ROLE PLAYS
The instructor plays the role of an individual who asks volunteer students to engage in an inappropriate behavior. Volunteer students role play use of the skill. After each role play discuss if each step of the skill definition was employed. Include as many students as possible since classwide role plays are not recommended for this skill. Situations described above may be used or those provided by students.
ACTIVITY - COMPLETING A STORY ABOUT A PERSON SAYING NO TO TROUBLE
Hand out the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity I, found at the end of the session. Instruct students to read the story starter, then complete the story with the main character successfully saying no to trouble.
It will be helpful for the instructor to circulate about the class to provide guidance and suggestions. Some students may require additional assistance organizing ideas as well as help with written expression.
Ask volunteers to read their story endings. Discuss.
REVIEW ACTIVITY TO BE COMPLETED DURING THE NEXT WEEK
At some point during the coming week, review the skill of saying no when a friend asks you to get in trouble. Ask students to write an ending to the story starter, entitled Story Writing Activity II, found at the end of the session. Instruct students that the story should describe the main character successfully saying no to trouble.
Ask volunteers to read their stories. Discuss.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY I
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Amy, successfully saying no to trouble.
DISBELIEF
Amy sat next to her good friend, Christine, in the school library. The two were studying encyclopedia pages to complete a history report on the Civil War. Mrs. Gomez, the School Librarian, announced that the library would close for the day in ten minutes.
Christine tapped Amy's shoulder and said in a quiet voice, "Let's take these encyclopedias home. We can put them in our backpacks and Mrs. Gomez won't even know they're gone."
Amy's mouth fell open is disbelief as she looked at Christine.
STORY WRITING ACTIVITY II
DIRECTIONS: Please complete the story below. Write an ending that describes the main character, Joe, successfully saying no to trouble.
TEN POUND BASS
Joe and his friend Adam carried a stringer of catfish as they walked down the dusty farm road. Fishing at the river had been good but not spectacular. A couple hundred yards off the road Adam spotted a large farm pond nestled beneath large cottonwood trees.
Pointing to the pond, Adam stated with excitement, “I’ll bet there are some huge fish in there. There must be some ten pound bass under those trees.”
“Yea,” agreed Joe. “Too bad it’s private property and posted as no trespassing.”
“Joe, lets hop the fence and fish that pond. If we hide in the grass along the side, no one will ever see us.”
Joe stopped abruptly and looked at Adam.
APPENDIX
SKILL DEFINITION POSTERS
SOCIAL SKILLS
SOCIAL SKILLS ARE WHAT WE DO
TO MAKE FRIENDS, GET ALONG,
AND SOLVE PROBLEMS WITH OTHERS.
MAKING A FRIEND
BE FRIENDLY.
MAKE EYE CONTACT
SMILE
FRIENDLY VOICE
SAY HELLO.
SAY YOUR NAME.
ASK THE PERSON'S NAME.
ASK QUESTIONS.
INVITE.
GREETING AN ACQUAINTANCE
BE FRIENDLY.
MAKE EYE CONTACT
SMILE
HAPPY VOICE
SAY “HELLO.”
SAY PERSON'S NAME.
ASK QUESTION OR MAKE
COMMENT .
JOINING A CONVERSATION
BE FRIENDLY.
MAKE EYE CONTACT
SMILE
USE A HAPPY VOICE
WAIT FOR A PAUSE.
LISTEN.
GREET WHEN PAUSE
OCCURS.
ASK QUESTION/MAKE
COMMENT.
MAINTAINING A CONVERSATION
TAKE TURNS ANSWERING
AND ASKING QUESTIONS.
SHARE THE CONVERSATION
TIME.
TALK ABOUT THE SAME THING.
JOINING A GAME
BE FRIENDLY.
MAKE EYE CONTACT
SMILE
USE A HAPPY VOICE
WAIT FOR A PAUSE.
GREET.
MAKE A POSITIVE COMMENT ABOUT THE GAME.
ASK POLITELY TO PLAY.
THANK PARTICIPANTS IF
THEY INCLUDE YOU.
COMPLIMENTING
BE FRIENDLY.
EYE CONTACT
SMILE
HAPPY VOICE
SAY THE PERSON'S
NAME.
DESCRIBE - TELL THE
PERSON WHAT YOU LIKE.
THE PERSON BEING
COMPLIMENTED SAYS,
"THANK YOU."
GIVING ADVICE
BE FRIENDLY.
MAKE EYE CONTACT
SMILE
HAVE A FRIENDLY VOICE
SAY THE PERSON'S NAME.
MAKE A STATEMENT OF
INTEREST/CONCERN.
ASK IF YOU CAN MAKE A
SUGGESTION.
WORD THE SUGGESTION
POSITIVELY.
WISH THE PERSON SUCCESS.
BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF
DECIDING WHAT'S BEST
FOR YOU DESPITE
PRESSURE FROM OTHERS.
RELAXING WHEN UPSET
START WHEN YOU FIRST FEEL YOURSELF BECOMING UPSET.
IF POSSIBLE TURN AWAY OR WALK AWAY.
IF POSSIBLE CLOSE YOUR EYES.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
HOLD BREATH FOR A SECOND.
RELEASE BREATH SLOWLY, EVENLY AND COMPLETELY.
PRACTICE OFTEN TO MASTER SKILL
DEALING WITH LOSS AND LOSING
RELAX IF YOU ARE UPSET.
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU
DID WELL.
DECIDE HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
MAKE PLANS TO TRY AGAIN.
AVOID THINKING OR SPEAKING NEGATIVELY.
ACCEPTING NO FOR AN ANSWER
RELAX IF UPSET.
HAVE A SERIOUS FACE.
NOD YOUR HEAD.
SAY, "OKAY."
YOU MAY ASK ONCE UNDER WHAT CONDITIONS THE REQUEST WOULD BE APPROVED.
ACCEPTING
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
RELAX IF UPSET.
LISTEN.
HAVE A SERIOUS FACE.
NOD YOUR HEAD.
MAKE A STATEMENT OF
APPRECIATION.
HONESTLY DECIDE IF
YOU CAN USE THE ADVICE.
RESPONDING TO A REPRIMAND
RELAX.
HAVE A SERIOUS FACE.
LISTEN.
NOD YOUR HEAD OCCASIONALLY.
FOLLOW DIRECTIONS
USE A SERIOUS TONE OF VOICE.
SAY WHAT YOU WILL DO RIGHT THE NEXT TIME.
APOLOGIZING
RELAX.
BE CLOSE ENOUGH THAT YOU CAN TALK EASILY.
MAKE EYE CONTACT.
HAVE A SERIOUS VOICE.
STATE THAT YOU ARE SORRY.
DESCRIBE THE OFFENSE AND HOW IT HURT THE PERSON.
ASK PERSON TO ACCEPT THE APOLOGY.
ASK OR DESCRIBE WHAT YOU WILL DO TO MAKE UP FOR THE OFFENSE.
CONTROLLING AND EXPRESSING
ANGER
BE AWARE OF YOUR BODY.
GET UNDER CONTROL.
THINK BEFORE ACTING.
DECIDE WHAT HAS MADE YOU ANGRY.
TELL THE PERSON WHAT MADE YOU ANGRY.
DON'T HURT.
STAY RELAXED AND IGNORE IF THE PERSON ARGUES.
WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT
A FRIEND
RELAX IF YOU ARE BECOMING UPSET.
RESPOND WHEN MAKING FUN STARTS.
IN A CALM BUT FIRM VOICE STATE THAT YOU DON'T LIKE TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND.
BRIEFLY DESCRIBE WHY.
POLITELY LEAVE IF MAKING FUN CONTINUES.
DEALING WITH REJECTION
RELAX IF UPSET.
POLITELY LEAVE PEOPLE WHO SHUN YOU.
THINK ABOUT OR DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
IMMEDIATELY REJECT NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND EXAGGERATIONS.
WHEN A FRIEND ASKS YOU TO GET INTO
TROUBLE
ASK QUESTIONS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND.
SAY NO IN A FIRM VOICE.
EXPLAIN WHY.
INVITE PERSON TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.
LEAVE IF PERSON DOES NOT ACCEPT INVITATION.
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