Voice Over Artist Darren Marlar



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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I don't believe in organized religion, so I joined a disorganized religion. Last Sunday, the preacher overslept and arrived thirty minutes late with no sermon, and then the Ladies' Auxiliary lost the names of people volunteering for next week's bake sale. --Chris Lipe

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." -- Nehemiah 8:10

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. --James 1:17

The earth is filled with your love, O Lord; teach me your decrees. — Psalm 119:64

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. — Jeremiah 33:3

Thought: God wants us to seek him and call out to him. He wants to answer us and tell us about things beyond our human comprehension. He longs to draw us close so that we can know him. Like a scared child calls out to a loving father in the next room, we too can call on him knowing that our Father will answer, protect, and comfort us. Even more than that, our Father will reveal to us things that would be impossible for us to know without his grace.

Prayer: Almighty God and Abba Father, I do want to know you and to be known by you. Yes, there are things in my heart and my life that I wish were not there. But I know your grace and I am confident that you know my heart and its desire to reflect your glory, share your grace, and display your character. Thank you for the gift of being your child and having my future secured. In Jesus' name. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@.

“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Isaiah 9:6 NIV = For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – SEPTEMBER 06, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!

THERE ARE ONLY 114 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

CO-ED COLLEGE DAY - In 1837, Oberlin College, Ohio, which had been the first United States college to accept women, became also the first college to grant equal status to both sexes. Mary Hosford, Mary Fletcher Kellogg, Elizabeth Smith Prall, and Caroline Mary Rudd were accepted into regular courses with 30 men, beginning coeducation at the college level.

Today is NATIONAL PLAYER PIANO DAY.  ***MARLAR: Does anyone have one of these anymore?  Not the electric kind, but the old antique versions?

Today is NATIONAL COFFEE ICE CREAM DAY. ***MARLAR: How can you go wrong combining your two favorite things in the world? In fact, since we have coffee ice cream – shouldn’t we also have ice-cream flavored coffee?

Today is SALAMI DAY. ***MARLAR: If you hear of someone holding a salami celebration today, don’t believe them... it’s bologna.

Today is RENT A MOVIE DAY and READ A BOOK DAY.  ***MARLAR: Or watch a few movies that were based on best-selling novels and kill two birds with one stone. And do so while leaning against your player piano eating salami and coffee-flavored ice cream!

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 07

Google Commemoration Day

Great Bathtub Race

Grandma Moses Day

Labor Day

National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day

“Neither Snow Nor Rain” Day

Salami Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 08

Another Look Unlimited Day

International Literacy Day

Pardon Day

Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day

Virgin Mary Day

World Physical Therapy Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 09

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day

Wonderful Weirdoes Day

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10

Swap Ideas Day

World Suicide Prevention Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11

Banana Day

Libraries Remember Day

National Day of Service and Remembrance

Patriot Day

Remember Freedom Day

Stand Up To Cancer Day

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

International Day for South-South Cooperation

National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children

National Hollerin’ Day

National Iguana Awareness Day

Prairie Day

Video Games Day

Farmer Consumer Awareness Day

International Drive Your Studebaker Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

Grandparents’ Day

International Chocolate Day

Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day

National Celiac Awareness Day

National Peanut Day

Roald Dahl Day

Scooby-Doo Day

Miss America Pageant

National Hug Your Hound Day

National Pet Memorial Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

National Kreme Filled Donut Day

Rosh Hashannah

World Maritime Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

Rosh Hashannah

8-Track Tape Day

Felt Hat Day

Get Ready Day

Day

Greenpeace Day

International Day of Democracy

International Dot Day

ON THIS DAY

1522: One of Ferdinand Magellan's five ships -- the Vittoria -- arrived at Sanlúcar de Barrameda in Spain, thus completing the first rip around the world.

1968: Eric Clapton recorded his guitar solo on the Beatles’ "While My Guitar Gently Weeps."

1975: While in New York to compete in the U.S. Open, Czech tennis star Martina Navratilova asked for political asylum.

1988: The youngest person ever to swim the English Channel, 11-year-old Thomas Gregory, swam from France to Dover, England, in 12 hours.

1989: Basketball's Michael Jordan married Juanita Vanoy in Las Vegas. The bride's 5-carat wedding ring cost $25,000. The groom's ring cost $15,000.

1990: Canadian singer Paul Anka became a U.S. citizen. While he was being sworn in, police towed away his car.

1991: An electric light glowed for the first time on the Greek island of Delos, the mythical birthplace of Apollo, the god of light. Power arrived on the island via underwater cable from the island of Mykonos.

1992: A 35-year-old man who had received a transplanted baboon liver died at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center ten weeks after the surgery.

1993: British music lover Helen Stephens was jailed for a week after neighbors complained she played Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" loudly and constantly for five weeks.

1997: Britain's Princess Diana was buried in the grounds of her family home. The worldwide TV audience for the funeral ceremonies was estimated at over two billion.

1998: Nebraska Governor Ben Nelson proclaimed milk to be the official state beverage. Since Nebraska’s legislature gave the governor power to make official designations, he named the channel cat as the official state fish and Kool-Aid as the state soft drink.

1999: A Rio de Janeiro court ruled that a clothing store had to pay a 23-year-old female law student "moral damages" of $267 after the teeny weeny red bikini it sold her turned see-through when it got wet.

2003: It was a marriage proposal to remember when the young woman said yes standing on the seawall at Saundersfoot, Wales. Then her lover picked up his girlfriend in a romantic embrace, lost his balance, and both plunged into the mud 20 feet below. "It is a beautiful, romantic spot," said one of the coastguard members who rescued the couple, "but they were covered completely in mud."

2003: An Australian man picked up a $2.5 million lottery prize almost a year after winning it. The mechanic in his 40s aid he delayed because he didn't need the money, that his wages were enough to support his lifestyle. He said, after waiting a year, he finally decided to secure the financial future of his children, pay off his home loan, buy a new car and give some money to the Anti-Cancer Council.

2004: Former President Bill Clinton underwent a successful 4-hour quadruple bypass operation at New York Presbyterian Hospital.

2006: A Swiss driver caught speeding in Canada explained that he had been taking advantage of his ability to drive fast without hitting a goat. The driver was caught traveling 100 mph in a 60 zone in eastern Ontario. The traffic officer's notes said it was the first time he had ever heard of such an excuse, and he had never found a goat on Ontario highways. Police issued the driver a $330 speeding ticket.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(None today)

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

• Actress (White Men Can't Jump, It Could Happen To You) Rosie Perez, 51

• Comedian/actor (“Blue Collar TV”, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader,” and the classic comedy routine, “You might be a redneck if…”) Jeff Foxworthy, 57

• Actress (“Saturday Night Live”, “Kate & Allie”, “Third Rock from the Sun”) Jane Curtin, 68 (audio clip)

• Actress (“Sisters”) Swoosie Kurtz, 71 (audio clip)

• Actress/comedian (“Love American Style”, “Laugh In”) Jo Anne Worley, 78 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From )

1942 : Dave Bargeron (Blood, Sweat and Tears)

1944 : Roger Waters (Pink Floyd)

1960 : Perry Bamonte (The Cure)

1960 : Sam Cooke's daughter, Tracy Samie is born.

1969 : CeCe Peniston

1971 : Dolores O'Riordan (The Cranberries)

1974 : Nina Persson (The Cardigans)

1979 : Foxy Brown

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why don't figure skaters get nauseous when spinning?

The great figure skaters can make as many as six revolutions per second. Since that would make most of us decorate the ice with our dinner, these folks must know something that we don't. Indeed, they do. Skating instructors can teach even amateurs not to get dizzy in a spin, but they must have apt pupils. Actually it's the pupils who must have apt pupils because the trick is in the eyes. Dizziness results from rapid eye movement as skaters focus on objects flying by. The trick is to keep the eyes still by imagining a fixed blurred line and focusing on it. I tried that once and imagined a buffet table. It didn't work.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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Earlier this summer Brandon Heath celebrated the 20th anniversary of the date he decided to follow Jesus while at summer camp by attempted to raise enough money to send 20 kids to camp this year. Originally Brandon says his goal was 10 kids but his wife challenged him to trust that God would provide for 20 kids. However, Brandon announced this week that he was overwhelmed with the generosity of his social media followers who gave enough to send 31 kids to camp. Brandon says they are now getting letters from some of the kids and he wanted you to hear from one of them. It says: "Thank you for paying for me to come to Young Life camp. Young Life was the best experience of my life and if you didn't pay for me, I wouldn't have been able to experience it, so Thank You so so so much for that."

Sanctus Real front man Matt Ham mitt is celebrating a special birthday this week. His son Bowen turns five years old on September 9th! Matt says he will be commemorating the milestone with a special edition of his Lead Me Lifecast. Bowen underwent his first open heart surgery soon after his birth and nearly died after the surgery.

Colton Dixon is single and his kitchen shows it. He shared a picture of his fridge, containing pizza lunchables, cream soda, milk, tea, and three different kinds of soda. Colton added that he had popcorn and chips in the pantry and the pizza was on the way. He said: Yup. This is a non married dudes fridge.

Jonny Diaz was recalling his high school baseball days this week. He shared: When I was a sophomore in high school, I went 1 for 3 off of Zack Greinke. Of course, Zack is now a well known professional baseball player.

Natalie Grant is sharing the Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins recipe that she likes to make for her family. She shared the recipe this week on Instagram. You can check it out here: 

Tenth Avenue North is featured on cans of Diet Dr. Pepper. Members of the band say their face is on a limited number of cans in the midwest. Front man Mike Donehey added: Good news. Even if you have diabetes, you can still enjoy a soda with my face on it.

A bit of trivia about Third Day: Did you know the day before the photoshoot for Conspiracy #5, Mac Powell bleached his hair and surprised everyone? The band re-released the picture this week, prompting Colton Dixon to post: bet he won't do it again. Mac Powell's response: double dog dare?

The Afters guitarist Matt has finally found a good use for all those notices left for him by the TSA after rummaging through his guitars. He said he is using them as buffers between the guitar strings at the top of his guitar to reduce studio noise.

A thought from Colton Dixon: Just realized that Joel Smallbone from for King and Country looks like Ricky Martin.

Jonny Diaz says his daughter Charlie Grace just laughed for the first time. Jonny tweeted: I could watch this for hours.

Matthew West recently took part in a Twitter question and answer time. Here are some of the results:


Q: What is your favorite song from the into the light album


A: I love singing Hello My Name Is every night… BUT there's a song on that record called Unchangeable that I love. 


Q: what is your favorite food? 


A: a STEAK! But I guess you're not supposed to eat red meat that much, so instead I'll say… a STEAK! (don't care)


Q: Curious to know if you & Emily still homeschool your daughters? 


A: Yes we still homeschool our daughters and they will be on tour with me this fall!


Q: Next time you're in PA, will you eat cheesecake on a stick with me?


A: absolutely! you had me at cheesecake on a stick. 


Q: What was the last prank you pulled on somebody whether it's your family, band members or an artist? 


A: We used to pull up at a truck stop on tour and then while one of our band members was still inside, we would hide the bus...


Q: if you weren't a musician, what career would you have? #MWChat 


A: I would sell hot dogs at a baseball stadium. :)


Q: How would you describe your job to a 5 year old? #MWChat 


A: great question. I would tell a 5 yr old that I sing, say silly things, and tell people about Jesus.


Q: Wondering what is your wife and girls favorite Mathew West song? 


A: My wife is right here and I just asked her. She says "reason for the world" my daughters like "day one."


Q: Do you remember your first show ever?? #MWchat


A: First official show was at a Barnes and Nobles bookstore in my hometown. Attendance: 2. Mom and Dad. Don't laugh.


Q: What is one thing you're really good at but wish you weren't? #MWChat


A: I'm really good at eating ice cream, and I wish I wasn't


Q: did you always want to be a christian singer or did you want to be something else?


A: I wanted to be a baseball player… That didn't work out.


Q: even with all that you have accomplished, what is one thing that is a top goal that you still long to achieve?


A: I would like to write my first full book. Have written several devotional books. working on a full one now!

WEIRD & WACKY

|Police: Burglary suspect reveals plans with 911 'butt dial'  |

|BRANCHBURG, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey man has been indicted on burglary charges after police say he inadvertently dialed 911 and let authorities in on his |

|plans. Police say they heard Scott Robert Esser and an accomplice talk about breaking into homes, emptying drawers and stealing goods.... |

|Prison ordered for Michigan man in dirty sock deal  |

|ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) — A man who tried to sell a backpack of dirty socks as marijuana has been sentenced to at least one year in a Michigan prison. Michael |

|Suarez was sentenced Thursday for committing fraud through false pretenses. An unarmed robbery charge was dropped. Police say Suarez was... |

|Companies to stop 'revenge makeover' ads using ex-governor    photo |

|PHOENIX (AP) — Two online marketing companies that ceased publishing ads depicting former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer as an over-the-hill divorcee who needed a |

|"revenge makeover" could still face legal action from her. In a written statement, Brewer said that she was "pleased" they would stop... |

|New Hampshire pulls bartending guides for sexual drink names  |

|CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — New Hampshire has pulled hundreds of bartending guides from state-run liquor stores after workers complained that the drink manuals |

|contained sexually explicit and derogatory drink names such as "stripper mom." HASH(0x140abd0) Workers started complaining to the commission... |

|Lost Australian sheep yields 30 sweaters worth of fleece    photo |

|CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — A lost, overgrown sheep found in Australian scrubland was shorn for perhaps the first time on Thursday, yielding 40 kilograms (89|

|pounds) of wool — the equivalent of 30 sweaters — and shedding almost half his body weight. Tammy Ven Dange, chief executive... |

|Connecticut Gov. Malloy is photobombed by beluga whale    photo |

|MYSTIC, Conn. (AP) — Connecticut Gov. Dannel P. Malloy has found himself upstaged by a beluga whale during a tourism news conference at the Mystic Aquarium.|

|Malloy was standing in front of the Alaskan Coast exhibit Wednesday touting an increase in summer tourism in Connecticut when a whale... |

|Fox News anchor sues Hasbro over toy hamster with her name    photo |

|PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — An anchor for Fox News is suing Hasbro for more than $5 million over a toy hamster that shares her name — and possibly even her |

|resemblance. Harris Faulkner sued Hasbro this week over its plastic Harris Faulkner hamster, sold as part of the Pawtucket, Rhode... |

|Sasquatch sighting! Maine police say Bigfoot artist nabbed    photo |

|KENNEBUNK, Maine (AP) — Authorities have nabbed a man who's accused of spray-painting images of Sasquatch on public property in Kennebunk, Maine. Police in |

|the picturesque coastal town didn't find the graffiti featuring Bigfoot all that amusing and charged 36-year-old Freeman Hatch with... |

|China enlists monkeys to keep birds from spoiling big parade    photo |

|BEIJING (AP) — China is leaning on the animal kingdom — including a squad of nest-wrecking monkeys — to ensure its military parade commemorating the end of |

|World War II goes smoothly. To minimize the chances of birds striking engines during the many airplane flyovers connected to... |

|Police: Man huffed keyboard spray after crash as cop watched  |

|TOPSHAM, Maine (AP) — Police say a Maine man crashed his SUV into a guardrail on an interstate and then inhaled computer keyboard cleaner in front of the |

|officer who pulled him over. Topsham Sgt. Robert Ramsay tells the Portland Press Herald () that 44-year-old John Yates... |

|Senator with son named McKinley decries mountain name change  |

|HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A state senator who named his son McKinley after North America's tallest mountain peak isn't too pleased with the president's |

|decision to change its name back to Denali. Sen. L. Scott Frantz, a Greenwich Republican and avid climber, says four of his children are named... |

HEALTH & FITNESS

|Near LA's Koreatown, pastor tries to lift veil on drug abuse    photo |

|LOS ANGELES (AP) — In a blue-and-white church on the outskirts of Los Angeles' Koreatown, pastor Young Ho Han is trying to lift the veil on a problem |

|silently afflicting his community: drug abuse among young Korean-Americans. It's an issue Han knows well, starting with his own addiction to... |

|Plan targets health care bias against transgender people    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — Mirroring a shift in society, the Obama administration proposed Thursday to ban discrimination against transgender people throughout the |

|health care system. Once the proposed regulations are final, they should expand insurance coverage for gender transition and prohibit... |

|Ukraine: sufficient vaccine coming to block polio outbreak  |

|KIEV, Ukraine (AP) — One day after the World Health Organization confirmed two cases of polio in Ukrainian children, the country's health minister says |

|efforts are underway to import enough vaccine to prevent an outbreak. Health officials have warned for years that Ukraine was at risk of a... |

|9/11 recovery workers: Congress must renew health programs    photo |

|NEW YORK (AP) — Dozens of 9/11 rescue and recovery workers gathered at the World Trade Center site on Thursday to demand that Congress extend programs |

|offering money and free health care to people exposed to toxic dust after the terror attacks. Since 2011, federal programs have offered... |

|1st of Tanzanian albino kids with missing limbs goes home    photo |

|NEW YORK (AP) — Kabula Nkarango Masanja returned home to Tanzania with a new American prosthetic arm replacing the limb that was chopped off with a machete |

|by followers of African witchcraft. She's one of Tanzania's children with albinism, a condition that leaves people with little or no... |

|Watchdog: 900,000 vets may have pending health care requests  |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly 900,000 military veterans have officially pending applications for health care from the Department of Veterans Affairs, the |

|department's inspector general said Wednesday, but "serious" problems with enrollment data make it impossible to determine how many veterans... |

|A bold move to save a man's hand: Tucking it into his tummy    photo |

|Casey Reyes struggled for a way to explain the "sci-fi" surgery doctors were proposing to save her 87-year-old grandfather's badly burned hand. "They're |

|gonna put your hand inside your stomach, kind of like a hoodie," she told him. Frank Reyes agreed to the strange operation at Houston Methodist... |

|House Judiciary panel sets first Planned Parenthood hearing  |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — The House Judiciary Committee will hold Congress' first hearing on the Planned Parenthood videos next Wednesday. And the title they're |

|using leaves little doubt about where majority Republicans stand on the issue. The panel said next week's session will be the first of... |

|Legionnaires' outbreaks not unusual in summer & early fall    photo |

|CHICAGO (AP) — Legionnaires' disease has been reported in a handful of states this summer, leading to 19 deaths and more than 100 illnesses. The unrelated |

|cases are part of a typical pattern seen with a disease that tends to appear in warm weather and is mostly dangerous for people who... |

|Approaching health law tax is not just a levy on luxury    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — The last major piece of President Barack Obama's health care law could raise costs for thrifty consumers as well as large corporations and|

|union members when it takes effect in 2018. The so-called Cadillac tax was meant to discourage extravagant coverage. Critics say it's a... |

|Young at heart? Not most Americans, government report says    photo |

|NEW YORK (AP) — Your heart might be older than you are. A new government report suggests age is just a number — and perhaps not a very telling one when it |

|comes to your risk of heart attack or stroke. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report takes a new approach to try to... |

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

RETURNS ON TUESDAY AFTER THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

RETURNS ON TUESDAY AFTER THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Wheels On Luggage” (Same episode for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Scott Gregory, “Camping” (Same episode for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE (Same episode for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

OPEN: And now, , (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson nailed down the hands on the island’s calendar clock so everyone would think every day was Saturday! Unfortunately, it’s been many, many days of Saturdays. There’s no food, and everyone is at each other’s throats wondering who is to blame!

CLOSE: Now that Marvy has come clean with what he’s done, will Razzleflabbin Island get back to normal? Will Karl stay? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER 05/06, 2015

OPEN: And now, , (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals had gathered together to go on a picnic. But Gruffy Bear, seeing the potential for this to be one of the best – if not THE best – picnics ever, had decided that the picnic won’t begin until they find the absolutely perfect picnic spot!

CLOSE: Boy, Gruffy really is being picky! Maybe they’ll find the perfect picnic spot next time… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

MOMENT OF DUH

Smoking in a restaurant is not just bad for you, it might also get you arrested!

Six police cars in Brazil raced to a Rio de Janeiro restaurant after police received a complaint from a restaurant patron that a man, smoking a cigar, was refusing to put out his cigar.  The Justice Department is investigating why so many police showed up… and why they were called in the first place, seeing as the man was actually sitting in the smoking section.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FOOTBALL DEFINITIONS THAT APPLY TO CHURCH

1. Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

2. Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

3. Halftime - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave

4. Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

5. Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

6. Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.

7. Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

8. Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.

9. Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

10. Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

While paying a parking ticket, a man gets two more!

FILE #1: An Italian motorist was fined twice by traffic wardens while he left his car briefly to pay previous parking tickets. Diego De Carli, from Trenton, found a ticket for illegal parking slapped on his windscreen as he came out of the traffic wardens' office. He took the notice back inside and asked the wardens to waive it but they refused. As he came out of the office again he found a second parking ticket on his car. Diego said, "When I went in the warden's office with the second fine they broke out in hysterical laughter." Diego added that the officials had told him they would probably not make him pay the second fine.

FILE #2: Catherine Mitchell, who worked at an army base restaurant, wanted an afternoon off. And since she didn't have any time off coming to her she hatched the ultimate idiot vacation plan. She planted a cardboard box wrapped in duct tape underneath a table at the bar and then alerted a soldier to the suspicious package. He called the authorities and that's when things got a little out of hand. Not only was the restaurant shut down, but approximately 1000 people from nearby homes and businesses were evacuated and a bomb disposal unit was called in. All because Catherine didn't want to work that afternoon. She won't have any afternoons off for a while. The judge sentenced her to 160 hours of community service.

FILE #3: Richard S. Markey, convicted in Hartford, Connecticut., of defrauding investors of $4.8 million, wrote U.S. marshals in April that he thought he had presented a strong case for his innocence and that therefore he wouldn't be reporting to prison as scheduled on May 2, but rather was going to a relative's place near Syracuse, N.Y., and that if he didn't hear anything more from the marshals, he would consider the case closed. He did hear from them; they looked him up and re-arrested him. During his trial, Markey had described himself not as a "person" subject to the laws of the U.S., but as a "sovereign," and besides, he claimed the charges had to be dismissed because the prosecutor had spelled his name in all-capitals on the indictment.

STRANGE LAW: In California it is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.  (Is it any surprise we're talking about California, here?)

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

In Granbury, Texas, Thomas Parsons was angry because a couple of his friends had been arrested on drug possession charges.

And the longer he thought about it, the madder he became. Finally he decided to drive down to the city hall to give the police chief a piece of his mind. That's when the trouble started. First, when attempting to park, he drove over the curb, breaking the sprinkler system and destroying several shrubs in the process. Then, when he entered the building, he was making such a fuss that the officers decided to give him a breathalyzer test. Yep. He was drunk. And a check of his car found marijuana and drug paraphernalia. He joined his friends in jail.

PHONER PHUN

Today is NATIONAL PLAYER PIANO DAY.  ***MARLAR: Does anyone have one of these anymore?  Not the electric kind, but the old antique versions?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who knew that by following God's orders, he could take Jericho?

ANSWER: Joshua (Joshua 6:1-16)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: As of 2009, how many fictional characters had stars on the Walk of Fame? (And for extra points - what characters were they?)

A) Seven

B) Seventeen

C) Twenty-seven

ANSWER: Seven... Kermit the Frog, Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Woody Woodpecker and Snow White

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Olive trees may live to be 1500 years old. (True, the average life span is about 500 years)

2. The oldest American packaged food is peas. (False - it's Philadelphia brand cream cheese; it went on sale in its protective wrapper in 1885.)

3. Bananas contains a natural chemical which can make a person happy. (True. This same chemical is found in Prozac.)

4. The small intestine is two feet long. (False - it's 22 feet long)

5. The state of Maine produces almost all of USA's wild blueberries. (True)

6. Another word for hiccups is "singultus." (True)

7. A honey bee strokes its wings about 1,500 times a minute. (False - 11,500 times per minute)

8. Canada has more inland waters and lakes than any other country in the world. (True)

9. The human face is made up of 14 bones. (True)

10. Bette Davis was born Ruth Davis. (True. Ruth Elizabeth Davis was born in Lowell, Massachusetts, on April 5, 1908)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SPACE ________ OPEN FOR BOOKINGS (HOTEL)

Book your hotel room in outer space.  You’ll have to wait to 2016, but it’ll be worth it.

The age of space tourism might be closer than you think. In fact, if you have an extra $1 million lying around, five years from now you could be one of the first off-world adventurers to stay for five days in this orbiting hotel built by Russian company Orbital Technologies.

You’ll get there via a Russian Soyuz rocket, taking you about a day to reach the Commercial Space Station 217 miles above the earth. Once you catch up to the orbiting abode, you’ll settle in with your comrades — up to six other space tourists (or researchers) — for an unparalleled adventure, residing in four cabins aboard the space station.

While you’re traveling at 17,500 miles per hour in low earth orbit, you’ll be pampered with all the spacely amenities you can imagine, such as plenty of gourmet foods, a specially designed sealed shower, your choice of a vertical or horizontal bed (does it really matter in the microgravity of space?), and you might even get to sip some Tang spiked with your favorite vodka (okay, we made that last one up — unfortunately, alcohol will not be available).

Perhaps the best feature of the Commercial Space Station will be its large portholes, which will probably occupy most of your time as you gaze out into the cosmos and down at the earth below.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury.  "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked.

"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre-existing condition."

JOKE #2

A man traveling through the country stopped at a small roadside fruit stand and bought some apples. When he mentioned they were awfully small, the farmer replied, “Yup.”

The man took a bite of one of the apples and exclaimed, “Not very flavorful, either.”


“That’s right,” said the farmer. “Lucky they’re small, ain’t it?”

JOKE #3

The frugal man walked into the house panting and almost completely exhausted.


“What happened, Honey?” asked his wife.


“It’s a great new idea I have,” he gasped. “I ran all the way home behind the bus and saved 50 cents.”

“That wasn’t to smart,” replied his wife. “Why didn’t you run behind a taxi and save five dollars?”

USELESS FACTS

The average human body is covered with 20 square feet of skin. ***MARLAR: The hard part is getting all of those squares to fit right.

Experts say kissing a child's boo boo really does make it better. The child believes the pain will stop and that triggers the release of pain killing endorphins. ***MARLAR: I’m trying to get my mom to kiss my electric bill.

FEATURED FUNNIES

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

PEDESTRIAN POLICE OFFICERS

Police officers in Chicago went undercover as pedestrians – to bust people for a very specific driving violation.

An unusual undercover operation, Chicago police posed as pedestrians while fellow officers waited for drivers to fly by in violation of a law that requires motorists to yield at crosswalks, even if there is no stop sign. Thanks to Officer Grace Delgado, police stopped 78 vehicles in just two hours. That number could have easily been doubled, but police stopped only drivers who kept moving after Delgado had walked four or five feet into the road. Nearly 4,800 pedestrians were killed and 61,000 injured across the country in 2006, according to the most recent numbers by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE...

Don't say you're not important,

It simply isn't true,

The fact that you were born,

Is proof God has a plan for you.

The path may seem unclear right now,

But one day you will see

That all that came before,

Was truly meant to be.

God wrote the book that is your life,

That's all you need to know.

Each day that you are living,

Was written long ago.

God only writes best sellers,

So be proud of who you are.

Your character is important,

In this book you are the "Star".

Enjoy the novel as it reads,

It will stand throughout the ages.

Savor each chapter as you go,

Taking time to turn the pages.

--By Wanda Mitchell

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

When You're Unappreciated

Read: 1 Samuel 12:16-25

Far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you. --1 Samuel 12:23

Samuel was a Mount Everest personality who appeared when the historical landscape was monotonously flat. As God's prophet, he judged the people. Since Israel was a theocracy (ruled by God), Samuel was virtually a king. He discharged his duties with skill and dedication to both God and the people.

But the people wanted a king such as the pagan nations around them had (1 Sam. 8:5). So they asked the man of God to step aside. Samuel was hurt by their rejection. He understood the scope of their disobedience (12:17-19).

The prophet could have turned his back on the new king and his rebellious people. Instead he declared, "Far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you" (v.23).

Why did Samuel say that? He knew that even as doors were being slammed in his face, another door was open to him--the door of intercessory prayer. Samuel demonstrated his godliness by the way he reacted. He was still God's man, and he would still care for God's people.

When we are snubbed by those we try to serve, we must resolve not to sin against the Lord by snubbing them in return. Instead, by God's grace, we can pray sincerely for those who may not value our best efforts.

LEFTOVERS

SAFETY AT THE SCHOOL BUS STOP:

• Always walk to the bus stop. Never run. Walk facing traffic.

• Have your child wait in a safe area away from traffic and the road.

• Stay away from the bus until it comes to a complete stop and the driver signals for your child to board. Watch for red flashing lights and the stop sign to be extended. And cross ONLY when all traffic has stopped. Look left, right, and left again before crossing.

• When being dropped off, have your child take ten giant steps away from the bus, remember that the bus driver can see your child better when they move away from the bus.

• Have your child always use the handrail when entering or exiting the bus and have them always remain seated until the bus stops.

• If you leave something on the bus, never return to the bus to get it. The bus driver may not see you come back and they may begin moving the bus. Also, if you drop something near the bus, tell the bus driver before you attempt to pick it up so they will know where you are.

• Be aware of traffic on the roadway. Drivers are required to stop for all legal school buses, however, not all do. Have your child watch carefully before crossing the roadway. Remember in rural areas the speed limit is greater and thus more difficult for a driver to stop quickly.

LIFE... LIVE IT

Want to avoid eating junk food?  Picture yourself eating it! 

One way to avoid gorging on your favorite junk food may be to picture yourself eating it, one delicious bite at a time, according to a new study. Though it may sound counterintuitive, the study showed those who imagined themselves eating chocolate, bite after bite, ate less of the sweet treat when given the opportunity to actually chow down than did those who pictured themselves engaged in some other repetitive task, the researchers said.   The findings go against the previously held assumption that daydreaming about something desirable (such as food) increases cravings and boosts consumption. 

JUST FOR FUN

AND DOWN WILL COME BABY...

A baby falls 40 feet onto a concrete parking lot... but is completely unharmed! 

In Rochester, England, 18-month-old Sabrina Taplin crawled to a window ledge of her parent's third floor apartment and fell 40 feet to the concrete parking lot below. Amazingly she escaped with only minor cuts and bruises! Authorities say it was her diaper that helped her survive the fall. She landed on her rear end, and the diaper was so padded, it absorbed the shock and exploded on impact. 

FUN LIST

JUST THINK ABOUT THIS

We waste time, so you don't have to.

hat do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.

There's no such thing as non-existence.

There's no future in time travel.

There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know.

There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.

There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...

Hey guys, want to make more money? Then take a lesson from billionaire Ted Turner and grow a mustache.

But just don't count on keeping the extra moolah. A new study reveals that your school career counselors were all wrong when they told you to show up for job interviews with a good, clean shave. Men who sport mustaches are not only more likely to get hired at job interviews but they're also more likely to command bigger paychecks, says the study performed by Quicken and the American Mustache Institute. Mustachioed men make 4.3 percent more than clean shaven guys and 8.2 percent more than bearded gents, say pollsters. But then there's the matter of keeping the extra cash the survey shows men with mustaches spend 11 percent more and save 3 percent less than the combined average of bearded and clean shaven fellows. (National Examiner)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP (Same material for Monday and Tuesday due to the Labor Day Holiday)

Studies by Barna Group Research and the Pew Forum seem to indicate that America is moving toward post-Christianity. In fact, in just two years, the percentage of Americans who are categorized as “post-Christian” accelerated from 37% in 2013 to 44% in 2015. In response, the organization Biblica is asking: how did we get here? According to a Mission Network News report, they say “Our research at Biblica Institute identified one glaring change in people’s Christian commitment, and that is in terms of Bible reading. The decline in Bible reading has been dramatic.” In fact, Biblica officials say that “If present trends continue, a two-thirds majority of America by 2030 will have virtually no knowledge of any Bible stories or biblical reference.”

Belgium scientists have combined the same species of yeast found in beer with chocolate to create a 'super-chocolate' that they say is better than any sweet treat you've ever tasted. The team claims that the yeast can be used to improve the flavour of chocolate - and they say the flavour can even be tailored to different preferences. Officials say the next step is commercial production of a range of tailor-made chocolates, using some of the novel yeasts. 

A team of intercessors in Washington D.C. is calling the nation to rally together in unity to keep the fires of prayer and worship on the alter, 24/7 in our nation's capital. According to Charisma News, "David's Tent DC" is set to run 424 days, providing 10,000 hours of continuous worship from Sept. 11, 2015, through Nov. 8, 2016. This unprecedented gathering of worship on the National Mall will be right beside the Washington Monument. David's Tent is inspired after King David's devotion to the Lord in Jerusalem 3,000 years ago. David hired 4,000 musicians and 288 singers to minister to God continuously around the ark in a tent in his capital city.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

And remember, you only go around once in life. Unless, of course, you're one of those folks who likes to hang from your ceiling fan. --HaLife

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

A Fantasy about Productivity

It’s back! Fall football season. Lights were on at high school stadiums in our neighborhoods last Friday night. College teams kickoff this weekend. Pro players are getting ready for their final pre-season action, and those dreaded visits from a coach who asks members of that last group of cuts to “turn in your playbook.”

I love football season. But not as much as some. I don’t go to games, so obviously no tailgating. No big parties. Just a nice big screen will do with the ability to DVR the games I most want to watch.

To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I paid to see a sporting event. One, I can’t afford it! And two…being in media has offered me the blessing of free tickets courtesy of sports franchises, friends, or the radio station. And when sitting in the press box for games, they even feed you!

But get this: I even began passing up the great press box opportunity several years ago. That’s because there’s another cost to sporting events. Time. And more specifically for overly passionate sports-minded dads, time away from family.

I was sitting in the press box at a Pittsburgh Steelers game while my boys were in high school. They weren’t sports fans and there was only one press pass. So on several Sundays, I went. And left the family at home. Sometimes missing church in the process.

On that Sunday in Pittsburgh, my soul was jolted with the reality that I only had a few years left with my sons at home. And weekends were precious. And that ended my giving up Sundays and leaving family behind. Back then, I was videotaping games and watching them when we completed our family time.

My workplace blog today chooses to address another unfortunate cost from our love of sports: ripping off the company in our fantasy time. Okay, that is a bit aggressive — but look at the numbers.

This past week, Fox Business reported the estimates in company time taken up by those who play “fantasy football.” If correct, the nearly 60 million Americans and Canadians in this pretend world of sports could cost employers nearly $16 billion in lost wages. This number was generated from one of our Chicago consulting firms, Challenger, Gray, & Christmas. (Love that name.)

For those who don’t fantasize about football in this way, it’s defined as “a statistical game in which players compete against each other by managing groups of real players or position units selected from American football teams.” And according to the Fox article, “Fantasy players are expected to use one hour per week updating their rosters, making trades and checking injury reports at work.”

Now to be fair, plenty of sporting pools still exist. And there’s the annual March Madness bracketology competition consuming massive hours of employee time as well. Then we have the time in the break room — or wherever — where daily discussions focus on the great plays, the bad decisions of umpires, referees, and coaches, and where teams stand.

The twist that caught my attention in the story came from the CEO John Challenger of the aforementioned firm. Apparently, John is himself a fantasy football fan who belongs to multiple leagues! And his take is that this activity is a morale booster in the workplace and may increase productivity in the long run! Thus, employers should look the other way, adding, “It is impossible to reach full productivity.” Mull that over, dear business owner.

This is one of those business dilemmas that does not have a clear cut solution. Strict workplace legalists can argue (with some validity) that you are paid for work, not personal fun or chatter. Workplace realists know that if you remove all fun or non-work related personal discussions, on-the-job satisfaction drops.

Interesting, the Bible has a story about this kind of conflict. Two women who loved Jesus had him over a for a visit. One chose to sit at His feet and be blessed by His wisdom and his company. Her name was Mary. The other chose to be very busy with all the preparations. Her name was Martha. And she complained to Jesus about her sister’s insensitivity on the work that needed to be done.

Here is what she said: “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

And here is how Jesus replied, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 / NLT) Best to think this one over.

Each employer must set their own guidelines for these kinds of workplace issues. And each employee owes it to their employer to respect those guidelines.

All work and no play, and Fantasy Football goes away. Here come the “boo birds.”

That’s The Way WE Work.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit . Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

  

SEPTEMBER 02, 2015…

 

No Escape---Owen Wilson and family are transferred to the Middle East and before you know it, are in the middle of a military takeover. What to do and how to protect themselves. They don't speak the language and are the hated Americans. Along comes Pierce Brosnan to help them. The cast includes Lake Bell. “No Escape” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars. 

 

*Note: Pan starring Hugh Jackman is now opening October 9

 

SEPTEMBER 04, 2015…

 

*Note: Moved from an earlier date: Jane Got A Gun---This western is set back in pioneer days and tells the story of Jane (Natalie Portman and she fought bad guys in “Star Wars“), who is married and lives on a nice, little ranch.  She catches the eye of the bad guy (Ewan McGregor) and he ends up wounding her husband. Jane needs help, so goes to an old boyfriend, Joel Edgerton, and then the battle begins. “Jane Got A Gun” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the stars.

 

Kitchen Sink---As in…“everything but the kitchen sink.“ This is a horror comedy that stars Vanessa Hudgens.  A screamer, you think, well, sort of.  The premise is that of a small town where vampires, humans and zombies peacefully co-exist. Until….aliens invade from space. You read that right. Also in the cast is Ed Westerwek. “Kitchen Sink” is rated R. No rating.

 

Mistress America---Co-written by Greta Gerwig, who also stars, this film is a story of a sister and her half-sister. The younger one, Lola Kirke, is going to college, and the older sister (Gerwig) with unconventional ways, comes to visit. Also in the cast is Heather Lind. “Mistress America” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Transporter Refueled---Jason Statham is not with this film series now, so newcomer Ed Skrein, comes on as the “transporter” Frank Martin.  Skrein is an English rapper and beginning an acting career. A Transporter is someone paid to deliver an expensive item (which always meant trouble for Jason Statham.) Also in this cast are Ray Stevenson and Loan Chabanol. “Transporter Refueled” is rated R. No rating.

 

SEPTEMBER 09, 2015…

 

Time Out Of Mind stars Richard Gere as a man trying to reconcile with his daughter.

 

SEPTEMBER 11, 2015…

 

The Perfect Guy is about finding the right man and then, who is he, really? Stars Sanaa Lathan and Michael Ealy.

 

The Visit is a horror film from M. Night Shyamalan where children have dire adventures visiting grandparents. Stars Olivia DeJonge.

 

Sleeping With Other People was supposed to open August 20 and stars Jason Sudeikis

in a comedy about love.

 

# # # # #

 

WARNING: Don't believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, , or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at .

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