CELEBRATE ME SESSIONS



CELEBRATE ME SESSIONS

Some thoughts/ideas to support Primary Celebrate Me sessions.

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Anne Dawes and Sue McDermott

CELEBRATE ME SESSIONS

We hope these ideas will assist you in planning successful and realistic Celebrate Me Sessions

It is very important that a form of closure is part of the Sunbeams, Rainbows and Spectrum programmes. The planned Celebrate Me Session is therefore an important ‘event’.

During the programme we have been helping the children to cope with change and to learn to trust again and to forgive. Without these skills, they will find it hard to move on successfully. For this reason it is important that we take the themes of trust and forgiveness as the focal points for our Celebrate Me sessions.

The following models are offered for consideration while recognising that all sites are individual and have different needs and challenges.

Model One – Rainbows

14 sessions in total

After the first six sessions

One session from first Celebrate Me Day – taking the main theme of TRUST

(Session 7)

Six further sessions

Final session - taking the theme of FORGIVENESS, as in the final Celebrate Me Day in the journal. It would also be important to look at the ‘tools’ acquired to allow the participants to ‘move on’. (Session 14)

If an Activity/Treat is planned, this could take place at a different time. A list of activities that have proved to be successful is attached.

Model Two – Rainbows

Twelve sessions but In this model the sixth and twelfth sessions are ‘extended’.

The same themes would be covered as above but the children would take part in their usual session and then perhaps after refreshments, follow the sessions from the Celebrate Me Day on Trust (Session 6) and Forgiveness.(Session 12)

In some settings an whole afternoon could be given to Rainbows and the fun part could be ‘added on’ to the end of the day.

This model only requires twelve sessions but two sessions would need extra time.

Sunbeams and Spectrum

Each of these programmes has its own special celebration outlined in the handbooks.

It is very important that the whole of the programme is planned for before the programme starts. This allows the content of the celebrations to reflect the particular needs of the group and practical considerations to be taken account of e.g. space in school, staffing issues, arrangements for parents.

Celebrate Me Activities

The following are activities that some sites have found successful;

• Picnic to local ‘beauty’ spot including school staff not usually involved in Rainbows

• Trip to MacDonald’s

• Bowling followed by McDonalds!

• Dream Catcher- gift given to Spectrum pupils after explanation of gift

• Students to prepare celebration food, gift of WOW mug

• If children felt it appropriate, a School assembly for ‘Rainbow’ pupils to explain how they were feeling and how Rainbows helped, followed by refreshments

• If children felt it appropriate, Rainbow pupils to invite all staff to look at some of the activities they have made and talk about how things are now during a social time in school

Here are a few ideas about using the TRUST and FORGIVENESS modules in the Rainbows programme.. If you had sufficient time it might be appropriate to read one of the story books recommended for helping children come to terms with bereavement. (List attached)

First Celebrate Me session: TRUST

Rationale

Most children grow up assuming that their parents’ love and understanding for each other and themselves will always remain steadfast. When children have not been told the truth about the family situation, they feel betrayed by the two people they trusted most in the world. For many children living in a single parent family, the loss of a parent means the loss of innocence which is replaced with caution, scepticism and even fear. Children who live in foster homes understandably become doubtful and withdrawn. The child’s own sense of being trustworthy is damaged. Children may have been encouraged to take sides or even tell lies.

Trust is a feeling developed through experiences with other people. Children who have gone through a significant loss are very sensitive and can easily feel hurt or disappointed. Sadly, even after the death/ divorce/loss is over, one or both parents may continue to lie or make promises that are never kept. Consequently the child may stop trusting everyone, beginning with self.

Trust of self is the foundation for a healthy self image and necessary for personal growth. It is the basis for developing one’s own sense of values and having the confidence to live out these values. Self esteem is strengthened when relationships are strong. From this foundation flow the ingredients necessary to enter into relationships with friends, family and others. Love is the bond which strengthens and enriches relationships.

Children who have experienced the breakdown of their parents’ marriage need to understand that lifelong commitments such as marriage are possible. These commitments can become a reality only when we believe in self and are willing to risk being hurt by trusting wholeheartedly. This begins with the knowledge that people are human and they do let one another down but they also have the ability to forgive.

Aims

• to help the children to begin to rebuild their level of trust with self and with others

• to help the children see that everyone has the capacity to love and begin again.

Level 1 Rainbows

First part of session

Explain to children that this is a special session today. They have been together as a rainbows group for several weeks and shared many of the things that make them sad. They have talked about how they feel when someone they love no longer lives at home or has died. Today they are going to celebrate something special about themselves. They are all loved and they can all learn to trust people.

Use the Level 1 Journal: First celebrate me day: Session 3 Who can I trust?

Each child makes their Trust flower

The importance of this is exploring the idea of the “WHOM can I trust”; knowing this will give confidence and support good relationships. Each child will have the opportunity to talk about what trust means to them. It will provide a time for them to share their feelings with one another as well as facilitate a deepening trust in self, family and others.

Trust is a feeling developed through experiences with other people. Talk to them about how important it is to trust ourselves as well as others. Encourage the children to share examples of trust that was shared or broken.

Discussion Questions (please adapt)

• Has anyone ever told you that there would never be a death/divorce in your family? How did you feel?

• Has anyone told you something that was not true and now you feel that you don’t know whom to trust? How will you deal with this situation?

• Who are some people that you feel it is important to trust?

• Who do you trust?

• Sometimes we get hurt when we trust someone. Can you talk about a time when this happened to you?

• Can you tell about a time when a friend of yours broke a promise? What did you do about it?

Final part of session

Since we began our Rainbows programme, we have shared a lot about our feelings and our worries about the changes that have happened in our families. When changes happen, it is hard to know who to turn to for help. Today we have been focusing on something very important, that is, knowing whom we can trust and how we can recognise that trust. Knowing this should help us when times are difficult.

Have a look at your Trust flower. Think quietly to yourself, Is there someone on that flower to whom you would like to say something at this moment? If there is, choose a time to do it soon. If there isn’t anything you want to tell just now, remember you have all those people to help you later. Remember not to keep worries inside you. Talk about them to the people you trust.

Make a trust jar

Each child needs a small jar with a lid, cooking salt and chalks. Spread some salt out on a board and colour with the chalk. Add to your jar. As you do think about one person you trust and have that colour for them, Then do the same again with another colour and pour in the salt carefully. Don’t shake your jar! When it is finished you will have a reminder of all the people who can help you.

Reflection

Refreshments

Level 2 Rainbows

First part of session

Explain to children that this is a special session today. They have been together as a rainbows group for several weeks and shared many of the things that make them sad. They have talked about how they feel when someone they love no longer lives at home or has died. Sometimes people you love and care for disappoint you a lot. It can make you very angry and sad. Just because they let you down, it does not mean that they don’t care for you. Nor does it mean they will disappoint you again. Today we are going to plan how to trust people when life has been tough on us.

Use Journal 2 Session 3 of the First Celebrate Me Day: Who can I trust?

Read together and “Ride the Trust Bus”

The children will have the opportunity to talk about what trust means to them. This time will provide a time for each child to share their thoughts and to begin to deepen trust in self/family/friends. Trust is a feeling that is shared by words or actions. It is important that we show others we are trustworthy too.

Discussion Questions

• Who are some people that you feel it is important to trust?

• Have you ever had someone you trusted break a promise? What happened?

• If a trusted person breaks a promise, do you trust them again? Why or why not?

• Have you ever let someone down? How did you feel?

• Can you tell about a time when a friend of yours broke a promise? What did you do to remain friends with that person?

• What does it take for you to trust someone?

• What is one thing you need to feel or do to make a commitment or promise to another person?

Play: I can trust...........because

You need a set of small blank cards. Give each child one. Ask them to write on it the name of someone they can trust. Then each in turn can tell the others the name they put and say” I can trust....... because.....”

Repeat as often as there is time or as long as the children want to do this. Take a turn yourself so that they get the idea that Adults also need to trust each other.

Make a Trusting bracelet

Choose a strand for each person on your Trust bus and twist the cord to make a bracelet or band. You can wear this or keep it in your pocket or school bag or tie it to a handle in your bedroom. Use it when things are hard to remind you of what you learned in rainbows and of all the people you can trust.

Reflection

Refreshments

Second Celebrate me session: Forgiveness

Rationale

Forgiveness is vitally important for healing life’s hurts. Without it we carry anger and hurt within us, in our hearts which become like suitcases. Frequently after years of collecting pain the suitcase bursts open and spills over in physical and emotional illness.

Children may feel responsible for their family’s loss. They must have an opportunity to let go of these damaging feelings of guilt and anger. The child needs to forgive their parent(s) for what has happened to the family and the child needs to forgive self for any realistic guilt they may be carrying. Children need to understand that they have the choice and are capable of forgiving their family, their friends and themselves. They do not need to bear all those negative feelings inside themselves for ever.

Forgiveness is a means of self-discovery and change. For a child’s genuine sense of self worth and healing, it is imperative that they experience the emotion of being forgiven for guilt and mistakes. A child should also experience the feeling of forgiving others and forgiving self.

Forgiveness is life giving. Until this forgiveness takes place within the heart of a child, true healing will not happen. Once experienced, forgiveness will lift the burdens of anger and guilt and allow the seeds of acceptance and new beginnings to sprout.

Aims

• to help the children realise they have the choice to forgive themselves and to forgive others

• to help the children understand that carrying negative feelings within their hearts will only in time destroy themselves emotionally

NB. Children should be given the opportunity to forgive but this cannot be forced upon them. We want to invite the option not impose it.

Rainbows: I forgive

Start of Session

Remind the children that this is a very special day. They have come together as a group to share some very difficult times in their lives. They have talked a lot about their feelings and thought about all the changes in their lives. This is the last meeting and is a time to celebrate all they have achieved.

For Level 1 or Level 2, use the appropriate Journal, the second Celebrate Me Day session: I forgive you

To end the session

After this it is important to have some special ceremony to mark the end of the programme and acknowledge that the children know that their feelings of hurt were alright but that they now know better how to manage them and to let go of them. Then they need to have an opportunity to forgive the hurts and loss in their family.

I forgive

Life is full of changes. Think what you were like when you were a baby, a two year old, when you started school? Change is normal. There are changes that we like. There are changes we can choose. But there are changes we don’t like and changes we have no choice about. This is what Rainbows has been all about. We know we cannot always choose for change not to happen. We have to learn how to trust that change can be worked out and to know how to forgive. Saying I forgive you can be very hard.

What does I forgive you mean?

It means that we are ready to let go of whatever hurts, anger and sadness are inside us, to let them out, to let them go. Then we can move forward in our lives. We can be happier.

Activity

Give each child a balloon and let them blow it up and write on it the feelings that they would like to get rid of. Alternatively the children can just blow all those feelings into the balloon by thinking or saying what they are as the balloon is inflated. Take the balloons outside and watch as all those feelings are blown away. Now we have forgiven all those hurts.

Alternative Activities

Have a basket of small misshapen stones. Let each child choose one. Ask them to feel their stone carefully all over. Some parts are smooth, some are rough or sharp. They are all hard. They are just like our lives. Some days are good and everything goes smoothly. Some days are hard and sad, days when we have felt uncomfortable and even lonely. Think quietly of all the feelings that you would like to let go of. Use a glue pen to put dots on your stone to represent them. Think of the people who have hurt you or made you feel sad. In your mind, what would you like to say to them? When you are ready, come and lay down your stone. Pick up a Rainbow gift instead.

Puppets

Make a face puppet with a paper plate stuck on a lollypop stick. Decorate it to show the new you who can cope with your loss. As you make it think about and let go of all those hurts that made you sad.

E-mail message

On a pretend form

Moving on

It is good for the children to have a reminder of their new coping strategies so this would be a good time to make something appropriate.

Make a Rainbow card or button to carry in your pocket/bag/or have by your bed. Use it to remind you of Rainbows and all that you learned.

Make up a slogan to help you cope when things are difficult: e.g.

Feelings are OK!

I can cope!

I am special!

There are people I trust!

I’m OK. You’re OK!

Keep talking!

I can forgive!

Remember the rainbow!

Alternatively, just give them a small rainbows memento.

Reflection

Refreshments if possible offer the children the possibility of a quick chat with you at a specified time in the future to have a quick catch up.

Books recommended for helping children come to terms with bereavement

Water Bugs and dragonflies Doris Stickney 0-8264-7181-1

The Huge bag of worries Virginia Ironside 978-0-340-90317-9

I love you forever Robert Munsch 0-09-926689-X

Badger’s Parting gifts Susan Varley 0-00-664317-5

I miss you Pat Thomas 0-7641-1764-5

The Grandad tree Trish Cooke 0-7445-7875-2

Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs Tomie de Paola 0-698-11836-7

Evie and the man who helped God Michael Foreman 1-84270-219-X

When dinosaurs die Laurie and Marc Brown 0316119555

Grandma and Grandpa’s garden Neil Griffiths 978-1-905434-08-4

It’s OK to be sad* Margaret Collins 978-1-4129-1825-1

Why Mum? Catherine Thornton 1-85390-891-6

Always and Forever Alan Durant 978-0-552-54877-9

Alice’s Dad Bill Merrington 978-1-84003-374-8

Help me say Goodbye* Janis Silverman 978-1-57749-085-2

Charlie Anderson Barbara Abercrombie 978-0-689-801143

Goodbye Daddy B Weninger and A Marks

Visitors who came to stay A McAfee

From Winston’s Wish: Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine* 1-8698058-2

*Denotes activity book

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New Message

TO:

From:

You hurt me when............

Now I know............

I can trust.........

I can forgive!

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