AFFAIR HEALING

AFFAIR HEALING

A Recovery Manual for Betrayed Partners

by Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC

? 2015, Currents Counseling Services LLC

PLEASE NOTE:

This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced or distributed

in any form without permission, except for brief quotes or reviews

for nonprofit use. Book Purchase & Information:

Contact the Author:

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? 2015, Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC | | Affair Healing: A Manual for Betrayed Spouses

Contents

Preface How To Use This Manual Introduction

CHAPTERS Chapter 1: Consider Your Options, then Schedule Your Decision Chapter 2: Make Careful Choices Regarding the Affair Partner Chapter 3: Release Your Grip on a Wayward Spouse Chapter 4: Establish Your Boundaries Chapter 5: Expand Your Personal Support Chapter 6: Stop Protecting Secrets & Lies Chapter 7: Help Your Spouse Understand Your Pain Chapter 8: Get to the Truth Carefully but Certainly Chapter 9: Determine Who You Will Become, With or Without Your Marriage Chapter 10: Regain Control of Thoughts and Feelings Chapter 11: Move Intentionally Toward Forgiveness, Cautiously Toward Trust Chapter 12: Invest in Qualified Counseling, Together or Alone Chapter 13: Know Which Direction to Move Chapter 14: Commit to Conversations that Connect

WORKSHEETS W1: Staying, Leaving, Waiting? W2: The Benefits & Risks of Contacting the Affair Partner W3: Know What You Control W4: Training Your 2 Guards W5: To Tell or Not To Tell W6: Empathy Exercise W7: Asking the Right Questions W8: Ongoing Affair Conversations W9: Apart or Together? W10: Journaling Guide W11: List of Offenses W12: Before the Affair W13: Counseling Prep Worksheet W14: MoveToward Journal W15: TripleA Conversation

References & Resources Bible Study Guide About the Author

? 2015, Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC | | Affair Healing: A Manual for Betrayed Spouses

Preface

My response to any suggestion that I write book about infidelity has always been, "Why would I want to do that?" Good affair recovery books, by authors much smarter than I, have already been written. (I will mention them in this manual, in case you are not aware.) And, besides,the process does not come easily to me. If anything I scribble comes across as interesting or insightful, it requires a lot of effort to make it seem that way. For those reasons, "write a book" has never been on my bucket list. But you are reading this preface, so obviously I changed my mind. Why? Because I wanted to create a more versatile resource. This manual is written in a way that allows you to use it "as is" for individual healing, or with its companion manual (written for unfaithful spouses) for couple's working together. Exercises and worksheets have been included to make this an effective selfhelp tool. Comments from men and women in affair recovery have been used extensively throughout the chapters. Their opinions and insights were gathered from emails, session notes, written stories, and posts in the AH Community forum. Actual names and any identifying details have been altered to protect confidentiality. Despite my previous hesitation to add another book to the library of infidelity literature, I believe the Affair Healing manuals offer a uniquely useful approach to recovery. Time will tell how this book is judged, but I hope you will find it valuable in your journey toward healing. Sincerely,

Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC Currents Counseling Services, LLC

? 2015, Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC | | Affair Healing: A Manual for Betrayed Spouses

How To Use This Manual

Who Should Use It?

If you have been betrayed by a spouse or partner and have not decided to be done with them yet, this manual will give you clear directions toward the restoration of your marriage while maintaining your own health and wellbeing. It will help you know exactly what to do during the next weeks and months.

Use Alone or with Your Spouse

This manual is written in a unique style that allows it to be easily used as a guide for individuals or for couples. The workbook is divided into two parts: (1) exercises that are listed at the end of each chapter and (2) worksheets provided in their own section following the last chapter. Each chapter's exercise will provide instructions for the use of any recommended worksheet.

A Manual for Individuals: Although the chapters are written in a kind of progressions, feel free to jump to ones that are of most interest to you right now. Follow the Exercises for Individuals instructions provided at the end of each chapter. Go at your own pace.

A Manual for Couples: Your partner will need to use the manual was written as a companion to this one: Affair Healing: A Recovery Manual for Unfaithful Spouses (available at ). Each chapter of this manual relates in theme to the same chapter in the companion manual, although the content is quite different.

Couples can proceed at their own pace. It is recommended that you and your spouse work through the entire manual one chapter at a time, but if you skip any parts, make sure you both are reading the same chapter number and following the Exercises for Couples instructions provided at the end of that chapter.

The PDF Advantage

This version of the Affair Healing recovery manual is available to you in PDF format, which provides these advantages:

It can be readily downloaded. You can print the worksheet pages. (The Contents page shows you which pages to

print for each worksheet.) It can be easily read on most devices, including desktop computers and tablets. (If

you use a smartphone, you'll want to rotate the document so that it appears in landscape mode for easier reading.)

? 2015, Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC | | Affair Healing: A Manual for Betrayed Spouses

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