WHAT MAKES A GREAT ARBITRATOR
RAE GROUP ADR NEWSLETTER
Co-Parenting After Mediation
Often Parents breathe a sigh of relief after the mediation is complete, thinking that the hard part is over. Unfortunately, that is generally not the case. Co-parenting will continue until the children reach legal age and will sometimes continue beyond that point. Even a harmonious divorce will require a plan for future co-parenting. Regardless of your relationship with your ex-spouse, the solution to successful co-parenting is placing your children's best interests first.
The first step is to determine whether you and your co-parent are able to talk through issues. If you are unable to do this, then seek the assistance of trained professionals, such as the mediator who led you to an agreement, or a therapist.
Important elements of successful co-parenting include:
1. Being flexible and listening to your co-parent. Do not take a “my way or the highway” approach. Even though you may dislike your co-parent, there are times when your idea will not produce the best result for the children and they will benefit if your co-parent’s idea is used. Do not hesitate to compromise or give in if it will be better for the children.
2. Being as detailed as possible in your divorce and child custody agreement. Plan as much as possible and put it into the agreement. The more thorough and detailed you make the agreement, the easier the co-parenting will be. The more detailed the agreement, the less likely it is that you and your spouse will have future parental disagreements, which may require court dates and attorney fees.
3. Providing for future parenting meetings in your agreement. Even if problems are not anticipated, it is helpful to plan future parenting meetings when the agreement is signed. Scheduled meetings can always be cancelled if not needed, but can be difficult to schedule when disagreements arise.
4. Planning ahead for the introduction of significant others to your children. This is always a sensitive topic, especially when the divorce arises in part due to the parent’s relationship with the significant other. Address the issue now, when heads are cooler.
5. Minimizing the exchange of money – do not necessarily insist on splitting children’s expenses equally. As much as possible write out a list of future children expenses and each chose the expenses for which they will be responsible. Do not insist on an equal split each year; instead look for a relative balance over time. As things change, sit down (hopefully at planned meetings) and discuss how to restructure.
6. Last, but certainly not least, using your mediator or therapist to help if a co-parenting issue arises. Although this may seem an added expense, in the long run, it will probably save both parents money and will certainly reduce stress and anxiety, help the parents maintain their children’s love and respect and produce the best result for the children.
Co-parenting after divorce can be difficult - requiring commitment, flexibility and compromise for the children’s benefit. Co-parents must always remember that being good parents is about making sacrifices and doing what is best for your children.
The author, Jay Lazrus, is an experienced attorney and neutral. For more information, or to retain his services as a mediator or arbitrator, please visit his website at raegroup. com or go to and select him as your neutral.
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