Characteristics of Effective Helpers



Characteristics of Effective Helpers

KDVA, June, 1998

The most effective helper is one who has successfully achieved a balance of interpersonal, intrapersonal, and technical competence.

Intellectual Competence

Effective helpers need to be knowledgeable and also have a desire to learn, to be curious enough to want to check things out and know what is happening to survivors.

Energy

Passive, nonenergetic helpers are not likely to inspire much trust and confidence from their survivors. Dynamism and intensity are more likely to produce survivor confidence and to encourage survivors to work and to be active themselves.

Flexibility

Flexible helpers adapt methods and technologies to survivors rather than pushing survivors and their problems to fit the use of a particular theoretical orientation or strategy.

Support

Effective helpers are support to survivors. Support engenders hope, reduces survivor anxiety, and gives emotional security. Giving support does not mean encouraging the survivor to lean on you, however or taking responsibility away from the survivor. The survivor experiences the fact that here is someone who respects her as she is, and is willing for her to take any direction which she chooses. The helper must maintain a careful balance between being supporting and being supportive in order to avoid promoting survivor dependence and to avoid “rescuing” the survivor, thus robbing survivors of their own self-support system.

Good Will

Helpers who have good will work on behalf of their survivors, not themselves. Their desire to help is not thwarted because of the own unmet needs. Good will also implied that our motives and intentions are positive and constructive rather than negative and destructive. Good will also suggests that we behave in ethical and responsible ways with survivors.

Self-Awareness

The ability to be involved in an effective interpersonal interaction is influenced by our feelings and attitudes about ourselves. If we don’t feel competent or valuable as people, we may communicate this attitude to the survivor. We need to be aware of our own strengths and limitations. It is just as important to keep track of our own personal growth as it is to keep track of which technique or change program we are using with a survivor.

There are three areas that most helpers need to examine closely about themselves:

1. Competence

Feelings of incompetence and inadequacy can be described as either fear of failure or fear of success. A helper who is afraid of failure may approach helping with an overly positive “Pollyanna” attitude. A helper who fears success may structure helping to maintain or confirm such a negative self-concept. This helper tends to discount positive feedback and to have expectations that are out of reach.

2. Power

Unresolved feelings about oneself in relation to power and control may include impotence, passivity, and dependence. A helper who is afraid to give up control may try to be omnipotent. For this person, helping is manageable only when it is controllable. Such a helper may use persuading the survivor to do what the helper wants, getting upset or defensive if a survivor is resistant or hesitant, and dominating the content and direction of change. A helper who is afraid of power and control may attempt to escape from as much responsibility and participation in helping as possible. They may allow the survivor too much direction and risks are avoided or ignored. A helper who has unresolved power may have very strong feelings about the value of one particular lifestyle. Such a helper may take unwarranted advantage of the influence processes in a helping relationship by using helping to convert the survivor to that lifestyle or ideology.

3. Intimacy

A helper’s unresolved intimacy needs can alter the direction and course of helping. A helper who is afraid of rejection may behave in ways that meet the need to be accepted and liked by the survivor. The helper may subtly seek positive feedback from the survivor as a reassurance of being valued and liked. Negative survivor cues also may be ignored because the helper does not want to hear expressions of dissatisfaction.

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