GABE: (on a cell phone) Yeah



LENNY CLUB MANAGER

GABE LADY #1

CHRISTIAN LADY #2

TWO WILD & CRAZY GUYS

(Scene opens with two guys center-stage. GABE is talking to his wife on a cell phone)

PROPS: (2) cell phones

GABE: (on a cell phone) Yeah? Well the same to you! That’s all I have to say – the same to you (hangs up)!

LENNY: Woa! You told her off good!

GABE: Yeah, I told her. She thinks she can tell me what to do? I don’t think so!

LENNY: That’s what I like to see! These wives need to be put in their place from time to time.

GABE: I agree. My wife actually had the nerve to tell me to get a job!

LENNY: I had that same conversation with my wife about a year ago. Not only did she want me to get a job, she also wanted me to go to some 12-step program for problem drinking.

GABE: What did you tell her?

LENNY: The truth. I told her I don’t have no problem drinking! Ha-ha!

GABE: Ha-ha! Seriously, though; we’re both in the same boat with our wives. What are we going to do?

LENNY: Well I don’t know what you’re going to do, but I plan on getting wasted!

GABE: Sounds good to me. So where do you want to go?

LENNY: How about that under-40 club that just opened up last weekend? I feel like trading in my 40-something wife for a couple of 20-somethings.

GABE: Come on! Just look at us? Could either of us really pass for under 40?

LENNY: Just leave that to me. If you want in on the action, meet me there in a half-hour.

GABE: You’re on.

(BOTH EXIT, going their separate ways)

MUSIC: disco styled dance music

(BOTH ENTER at center-stage. LENNY has a pair of wigs.)

GABE: So we’re going to wear wigs?

LENNY: Yup (he tries his on). What do you think?

GABE: I don’t know . . . I guess it helps.

LENNY: Of course it helps! It makes me look half my age, don’t you think?

GABE: Well . . . I guess so.

LENNY: When I stroll into this club I’m going to have women hanging all over me! Are you going to join me or what?

GABE: Yeah. I guess you can count me in (he puts on his wig).

SCREEN SCENE: An inside screen view of a nightclub with a vibrant night life. A little higher music volume would help here.

(TWO YOUNG LADIES ENTER, getting the attention of the two men)

LENNY: (to Gabe) Watch this . . . I saw it on Saturday Night Live one time. Hey, girls! We’re just two wild and crazy guys looking for a good time! I see you’re both alone, so let’s all connect and have a good time!

LADY #1: Uh, I don’t think so, creep.

LENNY: Aww, come on. Try me; you’ll like me!

GABE: (slips around to the opposite side, so the girls are in the middle) You’re my type, Senorita!

(Simultaneously, both men try to put a move on the girls, but the girls counter with self-defense, walk off, and leave the men on the carpet. The men immediately get back up, but their wigs have been disturbed.)

LENNY: (very self-conscious) Did anybody see that?

GABE: (dusting himself off) I sure hope not.

(MANAGER ENTERS)

MANAGER: I’m sorry, gentlemen; this is an under 40 club and you’re going to have to leave immediately. Now do I need to call security?

GABE: No-no; we’re gone.

LENNY: Yeah; we’re oughta here.

SPECIAL EFFECTS: Screen off, lower music volume

GABE: (throws his wig at Lenny) That was definitely not one of your finest ideas, Lenny.

(CHRISTIAN ENTERS)

CHRISTIAN: Hey, what’s goin on, guys?

GABE: UH, how about you don’t ask and we won’t tell.

CHRISTIAN: That bad, huh? Well, if they kicked you ought of this place, you can always find some good free music at the arena.

GABE: What’s that?

CHRISTIAN: A Christian music scene. Have you ever heard about getting saved?

LENNY: Is that another 12-step program?

CHRISTIAN: No; it’s more like a 2-step program. Just tell God that you’re sorry for doing things your way instead of His way. Give your life to Jesus and He’ll change your life until you become a new man. You’re both tired of making a mess of your life, aren’t you?

GABE: Yeah. Now that all my dignity is gone, I don’t have anything else to lose. Are you going to join me, Lenny?

LENNY: Yes I will. I think it’s high time I had a good idea for a change.

CHRISTIAN: Good! Let’s pray.

(THEY PRAY and react in a positive manner)

GABE: Uh, pardon me (he gets his cell phone out and begins to apologize to his wife).

LENNY: Uh, if you would just excuse me for a minute (he does the same).

THE END

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