Plus: Owen and Vince and Pamela Anderson walk into a bar ...

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4/29/08 10:17 AM

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Babies Schmabies For Britney

by Ryan Porter

Plus: Owen and Vince and Pamela Anderson walk into a bar; and Canadian comic's career in the toilet.

Even though Kevin Federline and Jamie Spears, Britney's court-appointed master, were anxious for the pop icon to get some visitation rights back, no changes were made during a court case on Tuesday. TMZ reported that Kevin doesn't want full time custody and thinks it would be healthy for Britney to spend some time with Preston, 2, and Jayden, 1. As for Britney, she was last seen talking in a British accent. Why do we get the feeling Shar Jackson is going to wind up raising these two?

Three's Company 2000 Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn sitting at a table with Pamela Anderson? That's what In Touch magazine reports. Hopefully the words "wedding," "crashers" or "two" weren't mentioned! But, not encouragingly, they wound up shooting Patron tequila, the booze of choice for Pam's Canadian countryman Dan Aykroyd, while hanging out on the smoking patio at L.A.'s Chateau Marmont hotel. Who knows what questionable deals may have been struck? If we see Vince in one of PETA's "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign, we'll know why.

Score One For Dramatic Portrayals Of Poo Toronto funny woman Ren?e Percy is officially viral. Her sketch "Sure Lock: A True Poo Story" has already logged 4.7 million views on YouTube and is just 150,000 hits away from becoming the most watched comedy ever to grace YouTube's Canadian channel. Which means that, appropriately, it's currently number two.

The sketch by the Air Farce writer is a mortifying little cautionary tale that combines themes of hospitality and flushing. "The story is apparently true," Ren?e tells us. "It didn't happen to me but the producer knows the person it happened to." The clip was pulled for five days before YouTube decreed that "non-sexually graphic dramatized urination or fecal matter is approved." "Hurray for non-sexually graphic poo!" Renee wrote in a statement. I think we can all sort of agree on that.

Line! "Mostly nudes." --Jim Carrey, joking with Oprah about what he likes to paint.

What do you think? Email ryan.porter@.

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