The Importance of Listening - Growing Greatness

Growing Greatness?: Series of Articles to Cultivate Truly Outstanding Leaders

The Importance of Listening

By

Karen Lawson, PhD, CSP

1365 Gwynedale Way Lansdale, PA 19446

(215) 368-9465 (215) 393-8072 Fax E-Mail: KLawson@ Web site:

The Importance of Listening

ByKarenLawson,PhD,CSP President,LawsonConsultingGroup.Inc.

Studiesshowthatwespend80%ofourwakinghours

communicating,andaccordingtoresearch,atleast45%ofthat timeisspentlistening.Althoughlisteningisaprimaryactivity, mostindividualsareinefficientlisteners.Testshaveshownthat immediatelyafterlisteningtoaten-minuteoralpresentation, theaveragelistenerheard,understood,properlyevaluated,and retainedapproximatelyhalfofwhatwassaid.Andwithin48hours, thatdropsoffanother50%toafinal25%levelofeffectiveness.In otherwords,wecomprehendandretainonlyone-quarterofwhat wassaid.

Whyarewesuchpoorlisteners?Firstofall,wehaveneverreallybeentaught tolisten.Inschool,wearetaughtspeaking,reading,andwritingskills,but,in general,therearenocoursesdevotedtolistening.Secondly,mostpeopleareso busytalkingorthinkingaboutwhattheyaregoingtosaynextthattheymissout onmanywonderfulopportunitiestolearnaboutnewthings,ideas,andpeople.A majorcomponentofthelisteningprocessisaskingquestionsandreallylisteningto theanswers.DaleCarnegieinhisbook,HowtoWinFriendsandInfluencepeople, says,"Beagoodlistener.Encourageotherstotalkaboutthemselves."Bylistening you'lldiscoverwhatmotivatesyou'reyourclienttobuyyourproductorservice.By listening,you'lldiscoverwhat'sreallybotheringyourspouseoryourchildren.By listening,you'lldiscoveralotofveryinterestingpeopleintheworldaroundyou. Listeningisthecatalystthatfostersmutualunderstandingandprovidesuswith insightintopeople'sneedsanddesiressothatwecanconnectwiththem.

?2007byLawsonConsultingGroup,Inc.

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Consequences of Poor Listening

Poorlisteningisoftenthecauseofmisunderstandingsandtheirresultingconflicts. Manyerrorsonthejobcanbetracedtopoorlisteningskills.Iknowofoneinstance whereamajorconflictresultedwhenastocktradertoldtheanalysttotakeamillion dollarsoutofreservesandtheanalyst"heard"thetradersaytakereservesdown toamillion.Notonlydidthismiscommunicationdestroytheworkingrelationship betweenthetraderandtheanalyst,italsocreatedamajorproblemfortheclient.

Active Listening Guidelines

Becauseourlisteningspeedisfasterthantheotherperson'sspeakingspeed,there isalotof"dead"timeinthecommunicationprocess.Often,wefillthatvoid bydaydreamingordoingsomethingelselikemakinga"todo"listordoodling. Instead,tryusingthetimetoprocesswhatthespeakerhasjustsaidinordertoreach adeeperlevelofunderstanding.

Beawareofyourownbiases.It'simportantthatwerecognizeourownbiases. Simplyput,keepanopenmind.

Identifyyouremotionaltriggers.Certainwordsorcompletemessages,ideas,or philosophiescaneasilyarouseouremotions.Ifyoudoubtthis,justthinkabout youremotionalresponsethenexttimeyouhearapoliticianwhoseideologyisthe oppositeofyours.

Beempatheticandnonjudgmental.Eachofusisdifferentwithourownquirksand peculiarities.Insteadoffocusingondistractingbehaviors,concentrateonwhatthe speakerissaying.

Learntoseparatefactfromopinion.Avoidjumpingtoconclusionsormaking assumptions?warrantedornot?aboutwhattheotherpersonmeans.Checkitout first.

?2007byLawsonConsultingGroup,Inc.

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Listenforthefeelingofwhatisbeingconveyed.Beawareofnon-verbalcuessuch asgestures,facialexpressions,andposture.Observebodylanguage.Bepatientand sensitivetotheotherperson'sfeelingsandreactions.

Takenotes.AccordingtoaChineseproverb,"Thepalestinkisbetterthatthebest memory."Nomatterhowgoodyourmemory,youcan-notpossiblyremember everything.Listenforthemainideaorthought.Trytocaptureinyourmindand thenputtheessenceofwhatthespeakerissaying.Giveyourfullattention.Lookthe speakerintheeye,leanforward,andencouragethespeakertocontinuebynodding yourheadandmakingverbalcommentssuchas"That'sinteresting,"or"Tellme more."Evenifyoufindthespeakerorthemessageboring,trytofindanareaof interestinthespeaker 'smessage.

Don'tinterrupt.Thisisatoughoneifyouhavedevelopedthathabit.Tryto concentrateandinhibityourtendencytointerrupt.

Limityourowntalking.Youcan'ttalkandlistenatthesametime.Theancient GreekphilosopherDiogenesputitwellwhenhesaid,"Wehavetwoearsandonly onetongueinorderthatwemayhearmorespeakless."

?2007byLawsonConsultingGroup,Inc.

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