STAY MARRIED (PART 3 - WHY IS THERE MARRIAGE AT ALL?)

[Pages:3]STAY MARRIED (PART 3) WHY IS THERE MARRIAGE AT ALL?

? Single People 1) Deconstructing Marriage

"My marriage needs more romance."

ROMANCE: "A fictitious tale of wonderful and extraordinary events, characterized by much imagination and idealization; without basis in fact; an exaggeration or falsehood." - Webster's New World Dictionary.

"My marriage needs more falsehood. My marriage needs more fictitious tales without any basis in fact." I guess I need to visit my mother-in-law more.

Why get married? Well, the standard answer is because you're in love. But what are we in love with? Say Yes to the Dress. It's about the dress. Say yes to the dress. You can say no

Copyright ? 2013 Thor Ramsey

to the groom later. It's about the fantasy of the wedding day, and getting married fulfills this dream.

Now, of course, no one gets married just because they want to wear a wedding dress. You get married for the photos.

Our culture has retained the form of the marriage ceremony but has lost the meaning of marriage.

The problem with marriage in America is that we've made it about romance. We have an inadequate definition of love and we base our marriages upon this inadequate definition of love and then become upset when our marriages don't meet our expectations. All based upon an inadequate definition of love.

To fall in love means that you meet someone who makes you feel like no one else (for the time being). And this truth can't be stated more strongly. If love is primarily about how someone makes you feel, then it's never forever, but always for the time being. I promise to love and to cherish... for the time being. Why are feelings so unreliable a foundation for marriage?

By nature, we are self-centered beings. It's hard not to be, because you spend most of your time with yourself. The reason you want to marry this person is because he fulfills you. She fulfills you. But soon into the marriage you will realize the person you married is selfish. The problem in your marriage is that self-

centered person. If their world revolved around you, then everything would be fine, but no -- they're selfish. They think the world revolves around them... when everyone knows it revolves around you.

Now, you don't feel the way you used to feel. You're falling out of love. But then they do something nice and you fall in love again, but then they go back to being selfish and you fall out of love, but then... this starts to get old.

Then you begin to fight about what doesn't make you happy. Isn't that what most fights are about? "You do this and it doesn't make me happy." "Well, that's how I am." This reveals the source of your unhappiness -- the way they are. That's what makes you unhappy. This person you couldn't live without becomes someone you can't live with. It's not you. It's them. Which brings us to the traditional breakup. "This isn't working out." "Is there someone else?" "That's what I'm hoping."

So, in our wisdom, we think that if we get rid of this person we will get rid of the source of our problem. Thus, we divorce them. Before there was no-fault divorce, you had to murder them.

Thanks to divorce, you can begin this cycle of wisdom all over again.

? Why is there marriage at all?

? The Purpose of Marriage According to God

Copyright ? 2013 Thor Ramsey

Ephesians 5:32

2) Marriage is primarily about the gospel. When we understand that marriage is primarily about illustrating the gospel, we have a context in which to understand our roles in marriage. And the more we understand how marriage illustrates the gospel, the more we embrace God's meaning for marriage. The reason we often struggle with passages like this is because of the cultural context in which we've been indoctrinated. Instead of seeing how our role illustrates the gospel, we feel insulted that someone would suggest such a role to us, a role of submission.

Ephesians 5:21

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

3) Before anything else, you are a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is your Lord. You submit to Him first. That is why you can even do what God asks of you in the following verses. The Christ-centered person will have a Christ-centered marriage.

Philippians 2:2-3

2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

LOVE: Love, whether exercised toward the brethren or toward men generally, is not an impulse from the feelings, it does not always run with the natural inclinations, nor does it spend itself only upon those for whom some affinity (or closeness) is discovered. Love seeks the welfare of all (Rom. 15:2), and works no ill to any (Rom. 13:8-10), love seeks opportunity to do good

to "all men..." (Gal. 6:10). (Also see I Cor. 13 and Col. 3:12-14) - Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words.

Romans 15:1-3

15 We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. 2 Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3 For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me."

Mark 9:35

35 And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, "If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all."

Matthew 20:28

28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

4) Self-centered vs. Gospel-centered - Application of Self-effort vs. Application of Gospel-understanding

Proverbs 15:1

15 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

1 Peter 2:23

23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Copyright ? 2013 Thor Ramsey

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