Goldilocks, and



Goldilocks, Τηε τηρεε βεαρσ and Τεετη Μαρκσ

Written by George Rennison

Prologue

Narrator: You know, I’ve always enjoyed people like you as an audience. You don’t chuck tomatoes at me. So someone please chuck a tomato today I love tomatoes!

Goldilocks: I don’t! There fruit and veg, yuck. Just eat crisps for goodness sakes it so better.

Narrator: Don’t make you any fitter!

Goldilocks: Bet you can’t say fried-fruit-fritter!

Narrator: There is no such thing as a fruit-fried-fritter.

Goldilocks: You said it wrong!

(Someone pops there head out from backstage.)

Head: It’s nearly one o clock. Stop arguing about fritters and start the panto!

Narrator: Fine be that way!

Song: ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD

All:

Ah here we are and here we are and here we go

All aboard and we're hitting the road

Here we go, rockin' all over the world

Ah giddy-up and giddy-up and get away

We're going crazy and we're going today

Here we go, rockin' all over the world

And I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it

I li-li-like it, li-li-like

Here we go, rockin' all over the world

I'm gonna tell your mama what you're gonna do

Come on out with your dancing shoes

Here we go, rockin' all over the world

And I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it

I li-li-like it, li-li-like

Here we go, rockin' all over the world

And I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it

I li-li-like it, li-li-like

Here we go, rockin' all over the world

And I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it

I li-li-like it, li-li-like

Here we go, rockin' all over the world

Scene 1: Goldilocks and the contest

Stallholder: Roll up! ROLL UP! Girls, who can flick their hair the most.

Girl 1 (preferably a boy): Oh, oh! I could do it, oh pleasse! Mither Theffield.

Girl 2: I’m so gonna win this I’m like on all the magazines right. Init

Goldilocks: Ok, ok. I could do this, so why am I just standing here? Should I do it?

Audience: Yeah!

God: I am God. You should have a go, Goldilocks.

Goldilocks: Oi! Don’t call me that!

Stall holder: Ok girls, take you positions on the track. When the gun fires you are off. Ready, set, go. (Long pause) I’ve run out of blanks, I’ll have to use this one. (He/She shoots, and kills someone) Oh my great aunt Griselda!

(The girls run to the finish line, in slow mo. Chariots of fire music. Girl 1’s wig falls off as they push each other away to get to the finish line. Goldilocks is first.)

Goldilocks: Wow! Look I win!

Girl 1: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Girl 2: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Stall holder: I think we have a winner! Hello little child. What’s your name?

Goldilocks: Why should I tell you?

Stall holder: Fine! You’ve just won!

Goldilocks: So where’s my prize?

Stall holder: You’ve got 5 to choose from. Pick 2.

Goldilocks: Ok. What shall I do?

Audience: (shouting numbers)

Goldilocks: 4 and 1 please.

Stall holder: Look at one of them.

Goldilocks: Oh! Number one is a pair of heelies! (Clapping)

Stall holder: Now you have the choice, 4 or 1?

Goldilocks: Why can’t I look at number 4?

Stall holder: It’s the rules. 4 or 1?

Goldilocks: Ok, you lot help me?

Audience: 4, 1, 4, 4,1...Ect.

Goldilocks: I am a bit of a gambler. No. 4 please.

Stall holder: (Gasp) Read it!

Goldilocks: A cottage. Oh my gosh! My mum will be so proud of me!

(Bear 1 enter)

Bear: I know, I’m not going to kill her yet. Has she picked number 4?

Audience: Yes/No.

Bear: Merci or Danker as the Germans say it!

Scene 2: The cottage

Goldilocks: Ok, so this is it. Looks old. Is anyone here d’ya think? I’m sure someone owns this or it wouldn’t say: Home of Bear Family. Go away. Have I been stitched up? Good, is there someone behind me? Good, lets go!

Bear 1: from backstage- GO AWAY! Can’t you read. What’s your name child?

Goldilocks: Goldilocks.

Bear 1: Why? Come on in child!

Audience: BOO! HISS

Bear 2: You have five tasks. And you have been stitched up. Choose your first task.

Goldilocks: Not more numbers. Which one? 5, 3, 2? I’ll go with 1 first Mr. Bear.

Bear 2: Good. Choose a friend on a Web Cam to help you.

Goldilocks: Oh I’ll choose my best friend, Olivia!

Bear 2: You and Olivia have thirty seconds to eat porridge. Goodbye!

Bear 3: Goodbye!

Track 3: Falling sounds

Bear 2: Your porridge is on the table. You have thirty seconds. Oh and call me agent bear!

Track 4: Clock tick.

Goldilocks: This looks fairly straight forward!

Olivia: Lets eat.

(It’s curry flavour. Goldilocks and Olivia jump up and down because the curry is so hot.)

Olivia: It’s really hot

Goldilocks: C’mon lets finish the bowl, I’ve got some water!

(They finish it in time)

Track 5: Falling sounds two.

Scene 3: The Second task

Goldilocks: I’m back, where’s Olivia?

Bear 3: She’s come with me!

Bear 1: Back home. Now your second task. Pick a number.

Goldilocks: Ok, I’ll choose Number 3, and I’ll pick my Dad. Over there (point)

Bear 1: Your first instruction is to pick a TV programme.

Goldilocks: Something Policy. Your good with that stuff!

Everyone: THE BILL! THE BILL! THE BILL! THE BILL!

Dad: Ok, the bill.

Track 6: Falling sounds one.

Track 7: The Bill theme.

Bear 1: Ok. Your first task is to pick a character.

Goldilocks: I’ll be a police officer.

Dad:

Bear 1: Good. Now I’ll leave you to it.

Goldilocks: But what do we do?

PC Mayers: You two can go to the field with the forensics. Try and get some evidence.

Goldilocks: Ok. Just act natural. C’mon you lot to the field.

Goldilocks: We just have to search the field. Easy?

(They search.)

Goldilocks: Nothing?

Dad: No.

Forensic: Look PC Goldie, Martin’s just been killed! There he is!

Goldilocks: Arrest him Dad!

(Dad arrests)

Track 8: Falling sounds two

Scene 4: The third and fourth task

Bear 3: Well done! Next task. Pick a number.

Goldilocks: Ok number 5, please.

Bear 3: This one you have to do on your own.

Track 9: Falling sounds one

Track 10 I’ve got some falling to do

George:

In an airplane, I was flying.

Just a flight attendant guy.

I can be clumsy, and I stumbled

out the door, into the sky.

Now I am falling through the air.

Wind and regret flow through my hair.

All I can do right now is stare down at the ocean.

Suddenly, there's a ring in my cell phone. I pick it up.

It's the Angel of Death, and he says "Wazzup?"

I say, "What is it this time?"

And he's like "Well, hello, goodbye, I'll see you in Hell."

He can be like that sometimes, he's such a nut.

So I snicker and say, "I'd love to, but

gravity's calling, I've got some falling to do."

I'm in a state of shock, but it's something new.

I guess it all depends on your point of view. It's true.

This is boring... Yes, I'm falling,

but it's taking quite a while.

My destination is impending.

Might as well go out in style.

I put my arms out to the skies,

whistle a tune and close my eyes,

trying to briefly realize perpetual motion.

Suddenly, giant tentacles rise from the open sea,

and with total precision they lasso me.

It's a monstrous squid and he saved my life,

but I am too freaked out to be nice.

So I tell him the truth, that I'd rather fall.

No offense but at least it's predictable.

Gotta stop stalling, I've got some falling to do.

I'm probably gonna die, but it's something new.

I guess it all depends on your point of view. It's true.

Bear 3: Your next task involves running so get on the track and I’ll count down from 3 ok? 1, 1, 1, GO!

Track 11: Grandstand

Goldilocks: This is hard work. Wonder when I get to stop. I usually do this with my I-pod. I wonder which number I should pick next. I really enjoyed the TV one. I want to do that again with someone else. I’m stopping.

Bear 3: Not good enough. Only two minutes! Now, footie! When your ready,

5, 5, 5, 4!

Track 12: Match of the day

Track 13: Falling sounds two

Bear 2: Well done, now. Your next task...

Goldilocks: Yes, yes. Number 2 please and I’ll do it with my Nanny, please.

Track 14: Falling sounds one

Host: Hello and welcome to the Geography quiz! I say the capital you say the country. Simple! Get 10 right to win OK 1. Budapest. 2. Bern 3. Beirut 4. Jerusalem 5. Nuuk 6. Canberra 7. San Jose 8. Bangkok 9. Tunis 10. Nicosia

(Answers: 1 Hungary 2 Switzerland 3 Lebanon 4 Israel 5 Greenland 6 Australia 7 Costa Rica 8 Thailand 9 Tunisia 10 Cyprus)

Way! You win!

Goldilocks: Yes! Thank you Nanny!

Track 15: Falling sounds two

Scene 5: The last task

Bear 1: Good work Goldilocks.

Bear 3: Yes you’ve done extremely well

Bear 2: But there’s one more task. Number 4.

Track 16: One more time

One more time

Let's do it again

Show no shame, just call my name

One more time

Again and again

Don't you want to play my game?

You spin me round and round and

Turn me upside down

You put a spell on me and

Hit me to the feeling

One more time

Let's do it again

Show no shame, just call my name

One more time

Again and again

Don't you want to play my game?

Play me, play me baby

Play me, show me what you got

Come play me

Play me baby

Play me, don't stop don't stop.

Play me, play me baby

Play me, show me what you got

Come play me

Play me baby

Play me, don't stop don't stop

Do it just do it

Do it just do it

Do it just do it

Do it just do it,

Just do it one more time!

Bear 1: Complete the assault course and we will set you free. GO!

Track 17: Scary Music

Goldilocks: EE! AA! Yes! I’ve made it!

Track 18: THE SWEET ESCAPE

If I could escape I would but first of all let me say

I must apologize for actin’, thinkin’, treatin’ you this way

‘Cuz I’ve been actin’ like sour milk fell on the floor

It’s your fault you didn’t shut the refrigerator

Maybe that is the reason I’ve been actin’ so cold

chorus:

If I could escape

And re-create a place in my own world

And I could be your favourite girl

Forever perfectly together

Tell me boy, now wouldn’t that be sweet

If I could be sweet

I know I’ve been a real bad girl

I didn’t mean for you to get hurt

Forever we can make it better

Tell me boy, now wouldn’t that be sweet

Sweet escape, sweet escape

Akon: I wanna get away to our sweet escape I wanna get away! Yeah

You let me down, I’m at my lowest boiling point

Come help me out I need to get me outta this joint

C’mon let’s bounce, countin’ on you to turn me around

Instead of clownin’ around for some common ground

And time’s I’ a little crazy

I am I’ a little lazy

Waitin’ on you to come save me

I can see that you’re angry by the way that you treat me

Hopefully you don’t leave me, wanna take you with me

chorus x 1

If I could escape if I could escape

‘Cuz I’ve been actin’ like sour milk fell on the floor

It’s your fault you didn’t shut the refrigerator

Maybe that is the reason I’ve been actin’ so cold

Narrator: But you can’t say “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers”

Goldilocks: But you can’t say “Suzie sitting in a shoe shine shop, all day long she shines and sits. All day long she sits and shines. Suzie, suzie!”

Head: And? It’s time for the curtain call!

Track 19: Curtain Call

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