Chapter 7: Emotions and Communication
Chapter 7: Emotions and Communication
Key Concepts
|cognitive labeling view of emotions |interactive view of emotions |
|counterfeit emotional language |irrational beliefs |
|deep acting |organismic view of emotions |
|emotional intelligence |perceptual view of emotions |
|emotions |rational-emotive approach to feelings |
|emotion work |self-talk |
|feeling rules |surface acting |
|framing rules | |
Chapter Outline
I. Emotions, or feelings, are part of our lives. We feel happiness, sadness, shame, pride, embarrassment, envy, disappointment, and a host of other emotions. And we communicate to express our emotions.
A. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize feelings, to judge which feelings are appropriate in which situations and to communicate those feelings effectively.
a. Emotional Intelligence on the Job is a critical factor in career advancement.
B. By understanding emotions, we can define emotions as processes that are shaped by physiology, perceptions, language, and social experiences.
1. A physiological approach to emotion, also known as the organismic view of emotions, suggests that when an event occurs, we respond physiologically, and only after that do we experience emotions.
2. A perceptual approach to emotion suggests that subjective perceptions shape what external phenomena mean to us. External objects and events, as well as physiological reactions, have no intrinsic meaning. Instead, they gain meaning only as we attribute significance to them.
3. A cognitive approach to emotion suggests that what we feel may be shaped by how we label physiological responses.
4. A social influences or interactive approach to emotion suggests that what we feel and how we express those feelings is influenced by social influences.
a. Framing rules define the emotional meaning of situations.
b. Feeling rules tell us what we should feel or expect to feel in particular situations based upon the values of cultures and social groups.
c. Emotion work is the effort to generate what we think are appropriate feelings in particular situations
5. The approach towards emotions we adopt affects our belief that we can (or can’t) control our emotions and the feelings we can experience and express in our everyday lives.
II. There are two related sets of obstacles to effective emotional communication.
A. Just because we feel an emotion does not mean we express it to others.
1. Social expectations for Westerners indicate that it is more acceptable for women to express emotions and for men to refrain from expressing most emotions.
2. Vulnerability or being afraid/fearful of what we express could affect others perceive us.
3. In an effort to protect others, we may not choose to express emotions because it may hurt or upset others.
4. Certain social and professional roles dictate that we not express certain types of emotions.
B. Just because we express an emotion does not mean that we communicate it effectively.
1. Sometimes we speak in generalities, which do not effectively express our true emotional states.
2. Our nonverbal repertoire for expressing emotions is limited.
3. Counterfeit emotional language seems to express emotions but does not actually describe what a person is feeling.
III. There are six general guidelines for expressing our emotions more effectively.
A. We need to identify what we feel before we try to express it to others.
B. Choosing how to communicate our emotions involves assessing our current state as well as selecting an appropriate time and place to discuss our emotions.
C. Use I-language to express our feelings so that it reminds us we own our own emotions and avoids making others feel defensive.
D. Monitoring how we talk to ourselves about our emotions allows us to gain a better understanding of what we are feeling and whether we want to express it to others.
E. Adopting a rational-emotive approach to feelings focuses attention on
destructive thoughts about emotions that harm the self and relationships
with others.
F. We need to respond sensitively to others when they express their feelings, just as we would like them to respond sensitively to us when we express our emotions.
IV. It is also important to respond sensitively when others express their feelings to you.
A. Helping another solve a problem may be appreciated, but usually it’s not the first support a person needs when she or he is expressing strong emotions. What many people need first is just the freedom to say what they are feeling and have those feelings accepted by others.
B. When others express emotions to you, it’s supportive to begin by showing you are willing to discuss emotional topics and accept where they are as a starting place.
C. Paraphrasing is another way to show that you understand what another feels. When you mirror back not just the content but the feeling of what another says, it confirms the other and what he or she feels.
Discussion Ideas
• Emotional intelligence: Have students generate a list of emotions they have felt or expect to feel in each of the following situations. After they generate their lists, lead a discussion about what labels they attached to the different emotions for the different situations. Why did they use those labels instead of others?
• Birth of a child
• First day of school
• Family vacations/trips
• First day of college
• College social
• Failing a course
• Finding out a close friend is dating the person you desire
• Commitment ceremony/wedding
• Divorce
• Family reunion
• High school reunion
• Break up of a committed romantic relationship
• Death/funeral
This discussion idea can be used as a transition into the cognitive labeling view of emotions discussed in the text.
• Framing and feeling rules: If you do not do discuss item one, ask students to generate framing and feeling rules for each of those situations. Framing rules are guidelines for defining the emotional meaning of situations (such as funerals may be defined as sad events while weddings are joyful), and feeling rules tell us that what we have a right to feel or what we are expected to feel in a particular situation (for example, it may be appropriate to feel pride when getting a high grade on an exam).
• Communicating emotions: If you have access to audio-visual equipment, choose a film or television clip where the emotions are conveyed both verbally and nonverbally. Allow students to listen to the verbal message and write down their perceptions of the emotions the person is conveying and the situation. Now allow students to hear the verbal message and see the nonverbal messages for the clip. Ask them what about their perceptions has changed and why. Note: This works even better if you can allow half of the class to see and hear the message while the other half of the class can only hear the message. This discussion can be related back to Chapter 5’s point about how nonverbal behaviors may repeat, highlight, complement, contradict, and/or be a substitute for verbal messages.
• The rational-emotive approach to feelings: Lead a discussion about the extent to which students believe this is an accurate or inaccurate view of feelings. The rational-emotive approach to feelings emphasizes the use of rational thinking to challenge debilitating emotions and beliefs that undermine healthy relationships and self-concepts.
• Flame wars, revisited: If you did not discuss flame wars in Chapter 5 for nonverbal communication, discuss them here in terms of emotions. If so, you can revisit the topic here by leading a discussion about what is considered appropriate and inappropriate expression of emotions over e-mail versus face-to-face interaction (for example, do the guidelines discussed in the text also apply to computer mediated communication). Further, ask students if they might e-mail someone, rather than communicate with them in person, to express certain emotions (for example, anger) or discuss a particularly emotional issue (for example, breaking up with a relational partner).
Activities
|Title |Individual |Partner/Ethno |Group |Demonstration/Whole |Internet/ |
| | | | |Class |InfoTrac |
|1. Becoming Aware of Social Influences on Emotions | | |X | | |
|2. Applying the Rational-Emotive Approach to Feelings|X | | | | |
|3. Emotions in Song | | | | |X - P - H |
|4. Recognizing Counterfeit Emotional Language | | |X-H |X | |
|5. Identifying Feelings |X | | | | |
X = Marks type of activity H = Handout P = Preparation required for students/teacher
Becoming Aware of Social Influences on Emotions
This exercise heightens students’ awareness of social influences on emotions, specifically feeling rules, framing rules, and emotion work. Divide the class into groups of 5 to 7 students. Assign each group a situation in which emotional responses are likely. Examples of situations are the following:
• Graduation ceremony at your college/university.
• You see an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend out with another man/woman and you still want to be with the ex.
• On the same day, you and your best friend hear from the company you both want to work for. Your friend is not offered a position, and you are.
• You are enrolled in a class in which the professor gives dull lectures. After receiving a C on your first test, you go into talk with the professor. You think the grade is arbitrary and unfair.
• Your parents criticize you for not staying within your budget at school and threaten not to give you extra money to tide you over. You want to convince them to help you out.
• You are having a lot of difficulty keeping up with your classes while also working 20 hours a week. You know that several of your friends work as much and do well in school.
Tell each group its task is to specify at least 3 framing rules, 3 feeling rules, and 2 examples of emotion work for the situation assigned to that group.
Allow 20 minutes for group discussion. Then ask groups to present the framing rules, feeling rules, and examples of emotion work they generated. Invite members of the group and the class as a whole to notice differences in the rules and emotion work associated with different social groups such as women and men, and native United States citizens and people who were socialized in other cultures.
Applying the Rational-Emotive Approach to Feelings
This exercise provides students with an opportunity to use the rational-emotive approach to help them manage feelings in their own lives.
Tell students that you want each of them to participate in the exercise, and assure them that nobody will have to share his or her ideas with others. Sharing ideas should be entirely voluntary.
Ask students to take out a clean sheet of paper. You will be leading them through the rational-emotive approach to feelings on a step-by-step basis.
First, ask students to write down one real-life situation to which they had or have a distressing emotional response.
Second, ask students to write a few sentences that explain what they felt or feel in that situation. Encourage them to record physiological responses. Do/did they feel a knot in the stomach or lightheadedness? Are/were they shaking or tense? Do they have a racing heart or feel
nauseous?
Third, ask students to identify other situations in which they experience similar physiological responses. Then ask them to look for commonalities among situations in which they have these responses. Can they identify similar issues of insecurity, power imbalances, or context?
Fourth, ask students to write out what they hear or heard in their heads in this situation. Tell them to tune into their self-talk and to write out the messages they send themselves.
Finally, ask students to identify and dispute any irrational fallacies in their self-talk. Ask them if they can identify any of the following fallacies in their self-talk: perfectionism, obsession with shoulds, overgeneralization, taking responsibility for others, helplessness.
After students have completed their writing, ask for volunteers who are willing to share what they wrote with others. Remind students that there is no obligation to share ideas. It’s wise to have an example from your own life to launch the discussion. This shows students that you can feel pressured by irrational beliefs.
Lead a discussion of volunteered experiences. In the discussion place special emphasis on ways to dispute irrational fallacies. Brainstorm with students how particular fallacies might be challenged.
Emotions in Song
The purpose of this activity is to analyze how emotions and emotional expression are portrayed in popular culture, especially songs.
To prepare for this activity, visit () or A-Z Lyrics Universe () and select certain song lyrics that portray emotions and their expression (such as the ones listed below).
• Aerosmith – Jaded ()
• Boyz II Men – It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday ()
• Norah Jones – Cold, Cold Heart ()
• Madonna – What It Feels Like For A Girl ()
• Shania Twain – Man! I Feel Like A Woman! ()
• Usher – Without U ()
• No Doubt – In My Head ()
• Akon – I’m so lonely ()
• Mariah Carey – We Belong Together ()
• Alicia Keys – Fallin’ ()
In class, put students into groups of 4-5. Make a list of the key concepts from the class on emotions, such as feeling and framing rules, obstacles to effective communication of emotion, influences on emotions, etc. Then, ask the students to identify which concepts of emotion that each song illustrates. Explain that if a song does not match up with a particular concept from the book, then have the students generate their own categories that encapsulate the key point(s) of the song.
After 10-15 minutes of students working in groups, have each group share with the class. This activity can lead into a discussion about how emotions are expressed in song lyrics, cultural assumptions regarding emotions, and rules for appropriate and inappropriate expression of emotions.
Recognizing Counterfeit Emotional Language
This exercise fosters skill in recognizing counterfeit emotions.
Organize students into groups of 5 to 7 persons. Give each group a copy of the conversation between a mother and her son. Reinforce the instructions on the handout by instructing the groups to discuss the dialogue and to identify any counterfeit emotions that occur in the dialogue. Also instruct groups to write out comments that would not be counterfeit as alternatives to the counterfeit statements.
Allow groups about 15 minutes to discuss the dialogue. Then lead the whole class in a discussion of counterfeit emotional language.
Identifying Feelings
This activity is used to illustrate some basic concepts when identifying emotions.
Instruct students to write out their answers on a sheet of paper.
Instruct students to list out all the emotions that they feel in a given day.
Ask them what emotions they feel the most and which ones they express the most.
Ask them if there a difference? If so, write why this may be.
Ask them with whom do people communicate their feelings and what types of feelings?
Allow students to fully write out their answers, and then lead the whole class in a discussion of feelings and the expression of feelings. Most students will report that they feel certain emotions, but may not express them to certain people. Discuss how identifying emotions and being able to express them can influence satisfaction in relationships.
Journal Items
Describe one situation in which an irrational fallacy did or does debilitate you. Identify two ways you might challenge that fallacy.
Responses will vary, but irrational beliefs or fallacies include perfectionism, obsession with shoulds, overgeneralization, taking responsibility for others, helplessness, and fear of catastrophic failure. Ways to change these fallacies include monitoring emotional reactions to events, identifying the events to which one has unpleasant responses, and tuning into self-talk.
Discuss how social roles and expectations influence how we express emotions. Explain if you believe that their roles and expectations are changing.
Responses will vary, but men and women vary in the ways society has influenced them to express emotions. Boys are taught not to cry and women are taught not too be too aggressive, because it is seen as an undesirable trait. Furthermore, some rules and expectations are changing. Women in business have been taught not to show emotion. There are more media representations of how emotions are expressed differently between men and women.
Describe the framing and feeling rules that operated in your family. Explain when you were allowed to feel certain emotions and which emotions were expected in specific situations.
Responses will vary, but framing rules are guidelines for defining the emotional meaning of situations (such as funerals may be defined as sad events while weddings are joyful), and feeling rules tell us that what we have a right to feel or what we are expected to feel in a particular situation (for example, it may be appropriate to feel pride when getting a high grade on an exam).
Emoticons are graphical ways of representing emotions and other nonverbal features in computer mediated communication (CMC). Identify the emoticons you commonly use in your CMC. Reflect on why you limit your use of emoticons to those you identify.
Responses will vary, but commonly used emoticons include smiley faces :-) and frown faces :-( and winkey faces ;-) as well as many others. There is a long list of emoticons to convey a range of emotions, but people may not use them because they are not aware of them, or others they communicate with may not be aware of them. Further, certain e-mail programs, for example, vary in allowing users to select emoticons from a pull-down list when composing e-mail messages.
Panel Idea
Plan a panel with members from different cultures. Ask panel members to plan to speak about how their cultures define emotional situations (framing rules) and what displays of emotion are allowed, expected, and disapproved in specific situations. Situations might be: marriages, funerals, death of a parent, falling in love, grief.
Media Resources
Web Sites
Name: Internet Acronyms Dictionary
Developer:
Brief Description: Acronyms defined from A to Z.
URL:
Name: Smileys and Emoticons
Developer: NetLingo
Brief Description: Smileys and emoticons displayed and defined from A Rose to Yuppie.
URL:
Name: Emotion and Nonverbal Behavior
Developer: Interpersonal Perception and Communication Laboratory, Harvard University
Brief Description: This site discusses current research projects on emotion and nonverbal communication.
URL:
Name:
Developer:
Brief Description: This web site contains lyrics to popular songs organized by artist.
URL:
Name: A-Z Lyrics Universe
Developer:
Brief Description: Browse by artist, or search using artist’s name, album title, or song title.
URL:
Film Ideas
Chasing Amy tells the story of an unconventional attraction between a woman who has been lesbian and a heterosexual man. The film provides many examples of socially crafted rules and expectations for what people should feel and how they should express feelings.
It’s a Beautiful Life tells the story of a father and son in a concentration camp. The father goes to elaborate lengths to keep his son from understanding the truth of their situation. He tells the boy that they are competing with others to win an armored tank. The father is very clever at hiding emotions.
Print Resources
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel P. Goleman. This book was referenced in Chapter 7 of the textbook and is another candidate for the popular press book analysis paper. What are the pros and cons of measuring emotional intelligence? Does this fall prey to cultural biases in the same way intelligence testing has been criticized?
Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life by Paul Ekman, one of the pioneers in research on communicating emotions. Ekman argues that there are some facial expressions and emotions that transcend culture—that is, they are universal. In addition, the author suggests ways to “read” others faces for their emotions. What factors influence our interpretations of others emotions? How accurately can we “read” others’ nonverbal messages and detect individuals’ emotions?
Handbook of Emotions, Second Edition by Michael Lewis (Editor), Jeannette M. Haviland-Jones. This book is a resource about all emotions. The book looks at biological approaches, psychological processes, group and family processes, and specific emotions that have been widely studied, such as happiness, fear, anger, etc. The book has been written by various emotions researchers and specialists. The book is a great reference on emotions.
Handout: Identifying Counterfeit Emotional Language
Read the following dialogue between a mother and son.
Identify any counterfeit emotional statements in the dialogue and propose alternatives to the counterfeit communication.
Son: Mom, I really want to join the Delta Sigma house this spring.
Mother: I feel that’s not a good idea.
Son: Well, it really matters to me. These are neat guys and it would be a lot more fun living in the house than in the dorm.
Mother: Fun isn’t the only thing to consider. I feel you should focus on your studies at college.
Son: I am focusing on my studies. I got good grades my first semester and... .
Mother: Yes, and you were living in the dorm where you can study.
Son: I can study at the house too.
Mother: I’ve heard about fraternities, and I don’t feel it’s a good idea for you.
Son: I feel you’re being really unfair. You don’t know these guys and I do. They’re really great guys. I know you’d like them if you met them.
Mother: You don’t need to be in a fraternity. That’s all there is to it. Now let’s drop the subject!!!
Son: But we aren’t through discussing it. I feel you’re not listening to my side. This really matters to me and I feel it would be good for my college experience.
Mother: I listened and I’m still not going to approve. That’s just how I feel.
Chapter 8: Communication Climate:
The Foundation of Personal Relationships
Key Concepts
|assertion |investment |
|commitment |relational dialectics |
|ethnocentrism |self-disclosure |
|interpersonal climate |trust |
Chapter Outline
I. Four elements contribute to satisfying personal relationships.
A. Investments are the contributions (e.g., time, energy, emotions) that we make to relationships without expecting to get them back if the relationship ends; in the most satisfying relationships, everyone feels like the investments made by all involved are roughly equal.
B. Commitment is the personal choice we make to keep a personal relationship alive in the future.
C. Trust develops in a relationship as the people involved do what they say they will do and support each other.
D. Relational dialectics are the opposing forces or tensions inherent in everyday relational functioning.
1. We need to address our desire for independence (autonomy) and interdependence (connection).
2. We need to address our desire for what is familiar or habitual (predictability) and what is new or different (novelty).
3. We need to address our desire for open communication and privacy.
4. We can manage these tensions through neutralizing them, selecting one over another, separating one from another into different aspects of our lives, and reframing the tensions by redefining what the tensions mean to us.
II. Different types of communication create supportive and defensive climates in personal relationships.
A. Interpersonal climates occur on a continuum from confirming to disconfirming.
B. Confirming messages recognize that another person exists, acknowledge that another matters to us, and endorse what we believe is true.
C. Disconfirming messages deny the person’s existence, indicate the other person does not matter to us, and reject another person’s feelings or thoughts.
D. There are six types of communication that create supportive and defensive relational climates.
1. We create supportive climates when we describe behaviors and others; we create defensive climates when we judge or evaluate others.
2. We create supportive climates when we communicate openness to a variety of points of view; we create defensive climates when we use language that indicates there is only one way to view a situation (e.g., it’s my way or the highway).
3. We create supportive climates when our communication feels open, honest, and spontaneous; we create defensive climates when our communication feels manipulative, premeditated, and strategic.
4. We create supportive climates when we use communication to find ways of satisfying everyone involved in the interaction; we create defensive climates when we try to control, triumph over, or manipulate others, what they think, and what they do.
5. We create supportive climates when we demonstrate empathy or care about the other person; we create defensive climates when we act in a neutral, detached, or indifferent way.
6. We create supportive climates when we use communication to indicate that all parties are equal; we create defensive climates when we use communication to indicate that one person is superior to another.
III. There are at least six guidelines for building and sustaining healthy relational and communication climates.
A. Monitor our communication so that we use it to create supportive rather than defensive climates.
B. We need to accept and confirm others while still being honest.
C. We need to make sure we affirm and assert (state what we need, feel, or want without putting ourselves above or below others) ourselves in a relationship.
D. We need to self disclose when it is appropriate; use caution when choosing how much, when, and to whom to disclose.
E. Understand that there is not a single mold into which all relationships fit.
F. Find ways to respond effectively to criticism.
Discussion Ideas
Supportive and defensive climates: Ask students to make a list of behaviors that teachers and students exhibit in a class conducive to learning (for example, respecting each other’s ideas and asking questions when a point is not clear). Ask students to make a list of behaviors that teachers and students exhibit in a class not conducive to learning (for example, implying that one’s point of view is the absolute correct one or criticizing some one personally rather than their position on a matter). Compare and contrast these behaviors with what should create a supportive or defensive climate. Generally, students need to be prompted to come up with anything positive for the class not conducive to learning or anything negative for the class conducive to learning. Defensive behaviors include evaluation, certainty, strategy, control, indifference, and superiority. Supportive communication behaviors include description, provisionalism, spontaneity, adopting a problem orientation, empathy, and equality.
• Turning a defensive climate into a supportive climate: Ask students to alter the following statements in the specified ways (as indicated in parentheses). Possible student responses are included after the parentheses.
• The right thing to do is crystal clear. (Change certainty to provisionalism). For example, “The right thing to do can be difficult to decide.”
• Don’t you owe me a favor from when I typed that paper for you last term? (Change strategy to spontaneity). For example, “Remember the term paper I helped you with last term? Do you think you could help me out with one of my own?”
• You’re acting very immaturely. (Change evaluation to description). For example, “I notice that you are getting upset by this situation.”
• I think we should move where I have the good job offer since I earn a larger salary than you anyway. (Change control orientation to problem orientation). For example, “In terms of moving, what decision will make the most sense for us in terms of our financial position as well as our relationship?)
• I can’t believe you got yourself into such a dumb predicament. (Change superiority to equality). For example, “This is tricky situation. Let’s see what we can do to help you address it.”
• I don’t want to get involved in your disagreement. (Change neutrality to empathy). For example, “I can see where you’re coming from with this, and based on what you’ve said, it seems like it might be best to talk with Susan directly about this issue.”
• Relational dialectics: Ask students to list examples that occur in their relationship. Ask students to provide examples for each of the dialectic tensions and how they manage them in their relationships. Autonomy/Connection, Predictability/Novelty, and Privacy/Expression.
• Johari Window and self disclosure: Ask students to create a Johari window for someone they have met in the last two weeks. Now ask them to create one for someone they have known for one to three years. Finally, ask them to create one for someone they have known for more than three years and feel extremely close to. Compare and contrast the kind of content that switches panes as the relationships become closer and longer in duration. Generally, there is more information shared in the “open” window for relationships of longer duration since people have known each other longer (even though the degree of self-disclosure tends to be greater in the early phases of relationships).
• Electronic greeting cards and communication climate: Greeting cards represent a large industry and have become an integral part of U.S. culture. Ask students how many send greeting cards and under what circumstances. Then, draw students’ attention to the use of electronic greeting cards, or e-Cards (for example, ). Again, ask students how many send e-Cards and under what circumstances. How can e-Cards be used a relational tool that fosters a particular interpersonal climate? Are there differences between sending a “snail-mail” greeting card and an e-Card?
Activities
|Title |Individual |Partner/Ethno |Group |Demonstration/Whole |Internet/ |
| | | | |Class |InfoTrac |
|1. Creating Supportive Climates | |X - H | |X | |
|2. Building healthy climates | | | |X | |
|3. Classroom Climates | | | |X | |
|4. Climates in the Workplace | | | | |X - P |
X = Marks type of activity H = Handout P = Preparation required for students/teacher
Creating Supportive Climates
This role-playing activity provides students with concrete examples of communication that helps to create supportive and defensive interpersonal climates. The exercise also emphasizes our capacity to use communication to improve unhealthy interpersonal climates.
Ask for four volunteers. The first two should be given Scene A of Communicating Climate. The second two should be given Scene B of Communicating Climate. Instruct the role players to start with the existing dialogue and then improvise to create defensive communication climates.
After each dyad presents its role play, have students in the class identify specific types of communication that contributed to the defensive climate. They should be able to point out examples of evaluation, strategy, superiority, neutrality, control, and certainty. Invite them to explain how these forms of communication foster a negative climate.
Then ask students to re-script the role play so that a more supportive climate is created by using supportive types of communication. Repeat this discussion for the second role play. Conclude the exercise by emphasizing individuals’ power to use communication to create supportive interpersonal climates and to improve defensive ones.
Building Healthy Climates
Ask the students to find a partner in class. Ask each pair to number off from 1 to 6. Then, assign each pair one of the six guidelines for building and sustaining healthy relational and communication climates. The pair that is numbered one gets the first guideline; the pair that is numbered two gets the second guideline, and so on.
Ask the students to come up with a skit that illustrates this guideline.
Give the students about 5 minutes to come up with their skits.
Once they have come up with their skits, have them randomly present their skits in front of the class.
Have the other class members try to guess what their skit was illustrating and critic each skit.
Discuss the importance of building and sustaining healthy relational and communication climates.
Classroom Climates
This is a demonstration that gives students a dramatic and personal sense of how communication creates open or closed climates in the classroom.
Unlike other exercises in this resource manual, this one involves you, the teacher, as a role player who demonstrates the power of communication to shape a classroom climate. Do not inform students what you are doing.
Hold a discussion with your class on any topic you would normally discuss regarding communication climate. Although you should be sure to include sound content in the discussion, the content is not the focus in this instance. For the first five minutes of the discussion, consistently use supportive behaviors to respond to students. You might foster equality by saying, “I’m not sure; what do you think?” You could demonstrate tentativeness and openness by responding, “That’s an interesting comment that I’ll think more about.”
After the discussion is progressing well, switch to using communication that fosters defensiveness. You should evaluate students’ comments (“That’s wrong”; “You don’t seem to have read the book very carefully”), be close-minded about differing opinions (“That’s not as reasonable an explanation as the one I just gave you”), proclaim your superiority (“I think I have considerably more knowledge on this topic than a sophomore”), and exert control and strategy (“You know I could give you a pop quiz”). As you interact with your class, notice how students behave so that you can point out their responses to them.
After you are satisfied that you have created a defensive climate in the classroom, stop the demonstration and explain to students what you were doing. On the board, write Gibb’s six pairs of defensive and supportive communication behaviors. Ask students to provide examples of each behavior (or as many as you modeled) in your previous discussion-demonstration. Then ask students to describe how they felt at the beginning of the discussion and how they felt when you switched to communication behaviors that evoke defensiveness.
Climates in the Workplace
The purpose of this activity is to understand communication climates in the workplace. The concept of interpersonal climate applies to relationships in the work place. Often times, organizations talk about the “climate” or “culture” or their organization in terms of what it is like to work there.
For this activity, introduce the concept of interpersonal climate as the overall feeling or mood between people, and talk about how it can also be used to assess the climate of a work place. Next, visit organizational web sites in class (e.g., or ) and examine the types of climate that these companies seek to cultivate.
In discussing the descriptions of the organizational climate, ask students to apply Gibb’s typology of communication practices that lead to defensive and supportive climates. Be sure to point out how such descriptions tend to focus on communication practices that lead to supportive climates, such as creativity (or spontaneity), equality and diversity, focus on problem solving, etc.
Variation: Make reference to organizational climate surveys that companies conduct to assess perceptions and feelings of what it is like to work in a particular organization.
For a sample organizational climate survey, visit: .
For a web-based slide presentation on organizational climate assessments, visit: .
For an organization who conducts organizational climate surveys, visit:
Journal Items
Identify one relationship in which you feel on-guard and defensive and one relationship in which you feel comfortable and supported. Describe and analyze the communication behaviors in each relationship. To what extent do the defensive and supportive communication behaviors discussed in the text explain the climates of these two relationships?
Responses will vary, but defensive behaviors include evaluation, certainty, strategy, control, indifference, and superiority. Supportive communication behaviors include description, provisionalism, spontaneity, adopting a problem orientation, empathy, and equality.
Pick a situation in which someone with whom you are talking seems defensive. Consciously engage in supportive communication behaviors and avoid ones likely to produce defensiveness. Analyze what happens in terms of the other person’s comfort and communication.
Responses will vary. See the first Journal Item above for examples of defensive and supportive communication behaviors.
Ask students to evaluate each of their relationships they have or have had (work, school, social, romantic) and describe how relationship dialectic tensions are present in each of their relationship. Ask students to describe how these dialectical tensions are managed in each of their relationships.
Responses will vary. Students might discuss: Autonomy/Connection, Predictability/Novelty, and Privacy/Expression. For managing relationship dialectics, they might talk about reframing, separating, neutralizing, and selecting them.
In terms of the Johari Window, one way for information to move from the hidden window to the open window is through self-disclosure. However, information can also move from the hidden window to the open window by “outing” someone. With “outing,” another person discloses information they know about a person to others. Describe a situation where you have been “outed,” where you have “outed” anyone, or where you have heard of someone being “outed”? How might it feel to be outed? Reflect on whether “outing” is an ethical form of communication.
Responses will vary, but sometimes political groups “out” people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transsexual so that the groups can raise political awareness of sexual orientation. However, a group may not always get the permission of the person to do so and may feel violated.
Media Resources
Web Sites
Name: Assertiveness Skills
Developer: Dr. Tom Stevens
Brief Description: This web page explains how to create harmonious relationships and intimacy through empathic listening and being assertive.
URL:
Name: Life @ Lucent
Developer: Lucent Technologies
Brief Description: This web page provides a description of the culture and work climate at Lucent Technologies.
URL:
Name: Cisco Systems Culture
Developer: Cisco Systems
Brief Description: This web page provides a description of the culture and work climate at Cisco Systems.
URL:
Name: Blue Mountain
Developer: Blue
Brief Description: This web site allows users to send free electronic greeting cards to anyone with an e-mail address. Consider this site in relation to how e-cards can be used in the cultivation of communication climates.
URL:
Name: Ethnocentrism
Developer: Wikipedia
Brief Description: Defines and give examples of ethnocentrism. Also includes links to related articles on ethnocentrism.
URL:
Name: Johari Window
Developer: University of San Francisco
Brief Description: Offers an interesting look at the Johari Window
URL:
Name: Defensive vs. Supportive Conversation: The Critical Differences
Developer: Loren Ekroth
Brief Description: This article offers suggestions for creating more supportive conversations with others.
URL:
Film Ideas
Workplace and Office Space. These films provide a humorous look at the culture and climate of a corporate workplace. Ask students to analyze the film for the interpersonal climate that exists in the company portrayed in these films.
American Beauty. This film offers a look at how some families are very unsupportive. The film can be used to illustrate how to create more supportive climates in a relationship.
Print Resources
Family Communication: The Essential Rules for Improving Communication and Making Your Relationships More Loving, Supportive, and Enriching by Sven Wahlroos. Ask students to compare and contrast the guidelines for creating supportive and confirming climates discussed in the textbook with those suggestions made in this book.
Tell Me how I’m Doing: A Fable About the Importance of Giving Feedback by Richard Williams. This book is written as a fable. It demonstrates the important of giving feedback and ways of being able to create a positive environment.
The Communication of Social Support: Messages, Interactions, Relationships, and Community. By Terrance Albrect, Irwin G. Sarason, and Brant Burleson. This book is written by experts in the field. It examines how there are different types of supportive communication in a variety of relationships.
Script: Communicating Climate
SCENE A: A woman and her husband are driving in the late afternoon. They have been on the road for four hours and still have three hours to drive to reach their destination.
Passenger: You’re driving too fast.
Driver: I’m a good driver. I know what I’m doing.
Passenger: You’re going to have an accident if you keep speeding. I’m warning you.
Driver: Well, if I do it will be my first accident!
Passenger: I may have had accidents, but you have the world record for speeding tickets.
SCENE B: A professor and student are discussing a paper that received a C - grade from the professor.
Student: I don’t see why you gave me a C on my paper.
Prof: I didn’t give you any grade. You earned a C.
Student: But I worked very hard on this paper, and I thought it showed that I understand the readings. Nothing in your comments tells me what is missing.
Prof: You ought to know what’s missing without my having to spell it out for you. You will learn a lot more by figuring out for yourself why the paper is weak than by having me simply tell you.
Student: I feel you’re really putting me in a double bind. You’re being unhelpful and rigid.
Prof: Really, now? Well, I’m sure in no mood to help now!
Chapter 9: Managing Conflict in Relationships
Key Concepts
|bracketing |lose-lose |
|conflict |loyalty response |
|contracting |metacommunication |
|cross-complaining |neglect response |
|exit response |passive aggression |
|games |voice response |
|grace |win-lose |
|kitchensinking |win-win |
|letting go | |
Chapter Outline
I. Conflict exists when individuals who depend upon each other express different views, interest, or goals, and perceive them as incompatible or oppositional.
A. Conflict must be recognized and/or expressed.
B. All parties involved in the conflict must depend upon each other.
C. Conflict arises when we perceive that there are incompatible goals, preferences, or decisions that must be resolved to maintain the relationship.
II. There are basic principles of conflict.
A. Conflict is a natural part of our relationships that indicates the people involved are connected to each other.
B. Conflict may be open, explicit, or overt, or it may be hidden, implicit, or covert.
1. Passive aggression, a common form of covert conflict, occurs when individuals act aggressively, but deny the aggressive behavior.
2. Covert conflict often happens through games in which real conflicts are hidden or denied.
Social influences (cultural background, gender, race/ethnicity, and sexual orientation) affect our orientation toward and responses to conflict.
How conflicts are managed directly influences the future of the relationship.
Handling conflict in constructive ways can promote personal and relational growth.
VI. There are three basic orientations people have toward conflict.
A. lose-lose approach assumes that expressing conflict is unhealthy for everyone involved in the relationship.
This approach works well when we are trying to figure out if we need to engage in conflict, especially if the issue is less important than others.
B. A win-lose approach assumes that expressing conflict leads to one person benefiting and the other person not achieving a desired outcome.
C. A win-win approach assumes that expressing conflict leads to all people involved working together to come up with a solution that is acceptable to everyone.
VII. Most people have relatively consistent patterns they employ to respond to conflict.
A. We use exit responses when we leave the relationship, either physically or psychologically.
B. We use neglect responses when we minimize or deny the conflict exists.
C. We use loyalty responses when we remain committed to continuing the relationship and choose the put up with the differences.
D. We use voice responses when we actively seek to talk openly about and resolve the conflict.
VIII. The communication pattern we choose during conflict can help or hinder the relationship.
A. Ineffective communication damages efforts to resolve the conflict, harms individuals, and jeopardizes relational health.
1. Early in the process, we use communication that disconfirms the other person.
2. Cross-complaining happens when one person’s complaint is met by a counter complaint.
2. Once a negative climate has been established, we maintain it by engaging in additional negative communication (e.g., kitchensinking).
3. In the later stages of the conflict, all parties feel the pressure to resolve the conflict, usually on their own terms rather than taking the other person’s proposals into account.
B. Constructive communication is open, nonjudgmental, confirming, and non-strategic.
1. Prior to the conflict, people confirm each other by recognizing and acknowledging each other’s concerns and feelings; when the conflict arises, they know that they are both working together to come up with a solution.
2. In the middle stages, everyone focuses on the specific issues at hand and eliminates all potential distractions, including previous conflicts. Bracketing lets individuals confirm others’ concerns by dealing with them later.
3. In the final resolution stages, both partners engage in contracting, or working to take parts of each proposal put on the table to agree upon a solution everyone can accept.
IX. There are several skills that are essential for effective conflict management, including attending to the relationship level of meaning; communicating supportively; listening mindfully; taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and issues; checking perceptions; looking for points of agreement; looking for ways to preserve the other person’s face; and imagining how you will feel in the future.
X. There are at least five guidelines for improving conflict communication.
A. We need to focus on the entire system in which communication occurs rather than just on the conflict or disagreement.
B. We need to pay attention to chronemics (make sure all parties are completely present mentally, be flexible about when to handle conflict, and set aside tangential issues for another time).
C. If we care about the other person and our relationship, we should aim for a win-win approach.
D. Honor and respect yourself, the other person/people involved, and the relationship.
E. Consider whether it is appropriate to put aside our own needs, or show grace, when there is no rule or standard that says we should or must grant the other compassion.
Discussion Ideas
• Understanding the difference between conflict and disagreement: Ask students to generate a list of times they believe they have engaged in conflict within the last two weeks. After they generate the list, ask them to choose one to share with the class and illustrate how it meets or does not meet the requirements for conflict (which include expressed disagreement, interdependence, and opposition).
• Improving Conflict Communication: Ask students for examples of each of the five guidelines for improving conflict communication. Ask students to discuss whether they believe those guidelines are important or not. In addition, ask students if they believe there are any other guidelines that they would add or if there are any guidelines that they would delete and why.
• Examining realistic and unrealistic conflict: Choose two television clips or episodes, one that illustrates constructive ways of dealing with conflict and one that illustrates destructive ways of dealing with conflict (soap operas are usually good examples of this if you can get a long enough clip to illustrate your point). Ask students to rewrite the scripts so that the constructive clip or episode is now destructive and the destructive clip or episode is now constructive. Student responses will vary, but the revised scripts will probably incorporate principles of effective conflict, which include focusing on the overall communication system, timing conflict effectively, aiming for win-win conflict, honoring self, other, and relationship, as well as showing grace and letting go when appropriate.
• Generating different responses to conflict: For each of the scenarios presented, ask students to write a response that reflects each of the possible response types (exit, voice, loyalty, and neglect). After they generate their response, you can have a discussion on what aspects of the various responses indicate a supportive or defensive communication climate. Possible student responses are placed in parentheses after the first four scenarios to illustrate exit, voice, loyalty, and neglect responses to conflict).
• The person you have been dating suggests that it’s time the two of you talked about commitment. You feel unready to discuss a serious relationship, but your partner insists that she/he thinks the two of you need to talk about it. (An exit response might include you psychologically withdrawing from the situation).
• One of your friends brings up a political race, and you make a comment about the strengths of the candidate you support. Your friend says, “I can’t believe you support that jerk. What has he done for the environment?” (A voice response might include you citing specific environmental issues your candidate has addressed.)
• One of your co-workers continuously misses deadlines in turning in reports to you. Since your reports require information from the co-worker’s reports, your reports also are late. You don’t want your late reports to interfere with your raises and advancement. You’d like for the co-worker to be more prompt. (A neglect response might be for you to minimize the problem, thinking that it really isn’t that important after all.)
• You tell your parents you’d like to take a term off from school. They are strongly opposed to the idea and they tell you to stay in school. (A loyalty response might include you staying in school to preserve the relationship with your parents and tolerating the difference of opinion).
• You and your friend generally get together to watch the playoffs at his apartment. This year, your friend suggests that the two of you go downtown to one of the bars that has a giant screen. Where you watch doesn’t really matter to you.
• Identifying orientations to conflict: For each of the statements listed below, indicate which orientation to conflict it most clearly reflects (win-lose, lose-lose, win-win). Answers are included in parentheses after each statement.
• We can’t both be satisfied with a resolution to this problem. (Win-lose)
• Since we disagree on where to go for our vacation, let’s just not go anywhere. (Lose-lose)
• We are never going to see eye to eye on this. I think my preference should prevail. (Win-lose)
• I think if we keep talking, we will figure out something that both of us can live with. (Win-win)
• I can’t stand fighting. Everyone loses. (Lose-lose)
• No matter what you say, I’m not giving any ground on this issue. I feel very strongly and I expect you to go along with me this time. (Win-lose)
• There’s no point in arguing about money. All we ever do is hurt each other without solving anything. (Lose-lose)
• I’m willing to go along with your preference on the model of car if you’ll go along with my preference for color and added features. (Win-win)
• Look: There are only two possibilities in this situation, so both of us can’t get what we want. (Win-lose)
• I wonder if there aren’t some solutions other than the two we have come up with so far. I think if we keep talking, we might be able to come up with something workable for both of us. (Win-win)
• Divorce help online: The internet provides a wealth of resources made available to anyone with internet access. One such resource is a web site that teaches people how to deal with reducing conflict during a divorce. Visit Divorce Helpline () which is a site that provides ways to stay out of court, reduce conflict, and negotiate agreements when marriages end. Show the web site to the class and highlight its many resources (such as worksheets, a short course, directories, etc.). Lead a discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of making this information available on-line. Advantages could include greater access to useful and free information, educating oneself about the process of divorce and thus generating increased self-knowledge about the process, etc. Disadvantages could include the need to ensure the information is reliable and not biased by the company providing the information, relying exclusively on this site without seeking additional professional help, etc.
Activities
|Title |Individual |Partner/ |Group |Demonstration/ |Internet/ |
| | |Ethno | |Whole Class |InfoTrac |
|1. Conflict Resolution | | | |X-P | |
|2. Rewriting Conflict Scripts | | | |X- H | |
|3. It IS How You Play the Game | | |X |X | |
|That Counts | | | | | |
|4. Interpersonal Conflict in the | | |X | |X – P |
|Workplace | | | | | |
X = Marks type of activity H = Handout P = Preparation required for students/teacher
Conflict Resolution
This exercise is used to illustrate different ways people resolve conflict. Bring in a bag of candy, such as chocolate or jelly beans, and a stop watch. Ask students to form a team and find one partner. Each team of two people will be communicating with other teams in class. Each team should meet with a new team for each round. They should do this randomly. They can walk around the class so that each team will meet with a new team.
Ask students to take out a sheet of paper and number down from 1-9. In addition, they should make four columns titled, “decision”, “win”, “loss”, and “total”. For each round, each student should provide the information for each column.
Give each person in class two different colored strips of paper, such as white and pink. There will be nine rounds. During each round, each person will pick to show either their pink or white strip of paper. You will keep track of time and ask everyone in class to reveal their choices at a specific time.
During rounds 3, 6, and 9, allow each team to talk to the other pairs. During round 3, the teams can win/lose double what they put down. During round 6, the teams can win/lose triple what they put down. During round 9, the teams can win/lose triple what they put down.
Instruct the students that each decision made can either be a win, loss, or both. The goal of this exercise is being able to attain the most candy. Each person should talk to their partners before making a decision. Each team should keep track of their winnings and losses. In addition, each team should keep track of their decisions.
Announce that there are four stipulations:
1. Teams can not communicate (verbally and nonverbally) with other teams, except for rounds 3, 6, and 9.
2. Each team must agree on one decision before the time limit.
3. If another team knows your team’s decision before the time limit, your team will lose during that round.
4. If a team does not agree on a decision before the time limit, then your team will lose during that round.
Each round will last for 1 minute, except for special rounds 3, 6, and 9. Rounds 3, 6, and 9 will last for 2 minutes. Write on the board or on an overhead transparency, the value of each strip of colored paper:
Condition A:
4 pink strips = wins 1 piece of candy
Condition B:
3 pink strips = wins 1 piece of candy
1 white strip = loses 3 pieces of candy
Condition C:
2 pink strips = wins 2 pieces of candy
2 white strips= loses 2 pieces of candy
Condition D:
3 white strips = loses 3 pieces of candy
1 pink strip = wins 1 piece of candy
Condition E:
4 white strips = wins 1 piece of candy
Ask students to tally up each of their columns. Distribute the candy as they apply to each team. After the exercise, discuss the factors that may have affected each team’s decision. Discuss how each team resolved conflict.
Rewriting Conflict Scripts
This exercise enlarges awareness of communication behaviors that promote destructive and constructive conflict. Equally important, the exercise teaches students they can rewrite unproductive scripts for managing conflict.
Ask two students to role-play romantic partners who are having an argument. Give each student a copy of the dialogue in Conflict Role Play and tell them to begin with this dialogue and then improvise on their own to demonstrate destructive methods of managing conflict.
After the role play, lead a discussion of the negative conflict behaviors present in the scene just performed. Students should be able to identify specific behaviors, based on their reading of the textbook.
Next, ask students to think about how the argument they just witnessed could be handled more productively. Tell them the role players are going to begin the dialogue again, and they are to interrupt to rewrite the script so that the conflict is managed more effectively. In rewriting the script, students suggest specific behaviors the text recommended for addressing conflict constructively. When the script has been rewritten to create a productive conflict, close the discussion by emphasizing that students can rewrite scripts for conflict in their own relationships.
It IS How You Play the Game That Counts
This activity gives students experience in and models of win–lose, lose–lose, and win–win orientations to interpersonal conflict.
Organize students into three groups (you may use six smaller groups if you have sufficient time for six role plays to be presented to the class). Assign each group one of the orientations: win–win, win–lose, and lose–lose. Ask students to develop a two- to five-minute role play for presentation to the class. The situation around which they should build the role play is this: Hillary and Bill plan to marry in the spring when they graduate. Both have job offers, but Hillary’s offer is in Texas and Bill’s is in D.C. Hillary can get work in D.C., and Bill can in Texas, but neither can find as good a position in the other’s ideal location. They are discussing what to do about job offers and the marriage.
After students present their role plays, guide them in identifying specific attitudes and communication behaviors evident in each orientation to conflict. For example, they point out the extent to which dual-perspective, listening, and supportive communication behaviors are present in each orientation. This exercise allows you to integrate material presented earlier in the course (I-language, perceptions, climate, listening, etc.) and, thus, highlight the progressive nature of students’ study of communication.
Interpersonal Conflict in the Work Place
The activity gives students the experience of addressing an actual conflict situation and comparing their approach to a noted author on management and conflict in the workplace.
To prepare for this activity, visit the following web page: . A case on Smart Biz, “Managing Difficult People” identifies three types of difficult employees, the aggressor, the victim, and the rescuer. Two experts comment on the case.
In class, divide the students into groups of 4-5 and then have the students act as consultants on the case. First, ask the groups to decide if this scenario meets the definition of interpersonal conflict as it is discussed in the book (i.e., expressed disagreement, interdependence, and opposition). Next, ask them to create a way to address the problem based on the guidelines for effective communication in conflict situations (focusing on the overall communication system, time conflict effectively, aim for win-win conflict, etc.).
After groups have had 10 minutes to discuss the situation, have each group share with the class if this is indeed a conflict situation and how they would address it. After the discussion, hand out read experts’ answers to the class and compare those approaches to the approaches the students generated.
Journal Items
Analyze your responses to conflict in terms of the exit-voice-loyalty-neglect model discussed in the text. How often do you use each response style in your friendships and romantic relationships? Which style do you use least? What are the results of the way(s) you respond to conflict?
Responses will vary, but likely results of exit responses include not engaging in conflict and not viewing it as a potentially constructive form of interaction; likely results of neglect responses include that resolution of the issue is not promoted and discussion is avoided but it can be effective if the conflict is not important to a person; likely results of loyalty responses include maintaining the relationship and/or sacrificing one’s own needs; likely results of voice responses include expressing care about the importance of the relationship and/or addressing the tension explicitly.
Describe a situation in which you had a conflict with a close friend or romantic partner and you managed to work it out constructively. Analyze what happened by discussing how your behavior and your partner’s followed or violated principles for effective conflict discussed in the text.
Responses will vary, but principles of effective conflict include focusing on the overall communication system, timing conflict effectively, aiming for win-win conflict, honoring self, other, and relationship, as well as showing grace and letting go when appropriate.
Consider how conflict can be detrimental and/or beneficial to a relationship. Give examples and how it applies to the basic principle of conflict.
Response will vary, but students should be able to discuss how conflict may be dysfunction and functional towards a relationship. Students should be able to integrate how conflict can influence the future of a relationship.
Consider how you deal with conflict in relationships with people at work. Is it similar to how you handle conflict in non-work relationships (or in non-work contexts if you are also a friend/intimate with someone you work with)? In addition to noting any similarities or differences, consider explanations for each.
Responses will vary based on individual experiences, but students may write that they respond to conflict better in a work environment than they do in a romantic relationship or friendship, or vice versa. If people are friends/intimates as well as co-workers, they might be better or worse at dealing with conflict on certain topics. Explanations could also vary, but various responses to conflict (e.g., exit, voice, loyalty, neglect) can vary as a result of attachment styles, gender differences, cultural differences, their orientation to conflict (e.g., win-win, win-lose), etc.
Panel Ideas
Plan a panel that features volunteers or trained professionals who work with victims of domestic violence. Ask the panel to explain to students how and why conflict sometimes crosses the line to physical violence. Also ask panelists to discuss reasons why many victims of domestic violence don’t leave the batterer. Students often don’t understand that economic constraints, as well as psychological factors, can make it impossible to “just walk out.”
Plan a panel that features customer service representatives or individuals on campus that deal with student complaints. Ask the panel to explain to students how frequent conflict occurs, the type of conflict that occurs, and how it is usually dealt with. Ask the panelists to describe their feelings toward how they feel when they get into a situation with conflict.
Media Resources
Web Sites
Name: Addressing Interpersonal Conflict
Developer: Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD, and the Management Assistance Program
Brief Description: An index of online resources related to interpersonal conflict in the workplace.
URL:
Name: Dealing with Worldviews in Interpersonal Conflict
Developer: Anne Giacalone DiDomenico
Brief Description: On the CADRE (The National Center on Dispute Resolution, funded by the U.S. Department of Education) website, this article examines the ways in which individual and collective worldviews influence conflict situations.
URL:
Name: Smart Moves
Developer:
Brief Description: In the Smart Moves section of the website (top of left side navigation bar), SmartBiz provides cases grouped into five categories: management, marketing and PR, sales, finance, and human resources. The management and human resources sections are most likely to include cases associated with some sort of conflict in the workplace.
URL:
Name: A Short Divorce Course
Developer: Ed Sherman, Attorney and Nolo Press
Brief Description: This portion of the Divorce Helpline website offers a short course on how to make the process of divorce go more smoothly, reduce conflict, and keep parties out of court.
URL:
Name: Violence, Aggression and Passive-Aggression in the Workplace Remedies
Developer: Rudy Nydegger, Graduate Management Institute at Union College
Brief Description: In this research article, the author defines and discusses how to handle violent and aggressive behavior in the workplace.
URL: 29B0B2D84F5B2CA7852569E5000B6DE7?opendocument
Name: Conflict Management Quiz
Developer: Natural University of Singapore
Brief Description: This is a conflict management quiz for students to assess their conflict management skill.
URL:
Name: Conflict Resolution Skills
Effective Approaches to Resolving Conflict in the Workplace
Developer: Office of Personnel Management
Brief Description: This page offers suggestions and advice concerning how to effectively handle conflict in the workplace
URL:
Film Ideas
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf provides a compelling portrait of conflict of many different sorts. It depicts both covert and overt forms of conflicts, and it dramatically illustrates the implications of destructive conflict methods. Warning: This can be a very unsettling film.
The Story of Us provides the numerous conflicts that may occur in a relationship. It illustrates many types of conflict. It also demonstrates how two individuals are able to resolve their differences.
Anger Management gives a humorous look at anger and how to manage anger. It demonstrates different ways that people deal with conflict.
Print Resources
Competence in Interpersonal Conflict by William R. Cupach, Daniel J. Canary. Ask students to compare and contrast the guidelines for developing communication competence in conflict situations discussed in the textbook with those discussed in this book.
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The Seven Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation by Becky Anne Bailey. This book is written for parents in mind. It offers ways to diminish conflict in parent-child relationships.
Conflict Resolution by Daniel Dana & Roger Formisano. This book is written for business managers in mind. The book offers effective ways for communicating with employees and handling conflicts. The book deals with conflict management, prevention, and resolution.
Conflict Role Play
A: You were really out of line tonight.
B: What do you mean “out of line”?
A: I mean you flirted with everyone there, that’s what.
B: (disinterested tone) Sounds to me like you have a problem, but I had a good time tonight.
A: Yeah, you did it at my expense. You made me feel like I wasn’t there, the way you kept deserting me at the party.
B: Gimme a break! You’re supposed to mingle at a party. I wasn’t deserting you. You’re just too sensitive.
A: I’m not too sensitive. It’s that you are totally insensitive! That’s the problem-you, not me.
B: Well, if I’m such a problem, then maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.
A: Is that a threat?
B: No. It’s a statement of fact. If you’re so jealous and insecure that you can’t let me have a little fun, then maybe we don’t belong together.
A: Yeah, and what will this be-the hundredth relationship you’ve walked out on? Has it ever occurred to you that something’s wrong with someone who can’t keep a relationship going for more than a few months?
B: Nothing’s wrong with me, except perhaps my lack of judgment in choosing people to have relationships with.
A: Yeah, you pick people who have some standards.
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