Reflective Journal - University of Washington



Sample Reflective Journal

March 7, 2000

Was asked if interested in volunteering at the Salvation Army. Sounded interesting, but am concerned about the time commitment. If not too bad, can add. Called Ron as recommended and set up a visit. I hope I can find the place. Will have to leave early to insure being on time. Hope the time commitment is not more than I can handle.

March 12, 2000 – First Visit

Observations: Despite directions of looking for blue tiled entrance, went to wrong side of building. Need to state door is on North side of building. Feels safe, but dreary – warehouses, wide street, stadiums, lots of concrete and parking lots.

Met Ron, who gave me a tour of the facilities. Warehouse, skipped Thrift Store, and went to Residence-dining-meeting building called the ARC. Warehouse: loading dock on North side of building. Men unloading all sorts of items ala Goodwill. On the dock Ron tells me about pilfering and the need to control that. Consequences = dismissal from the program. Importance of rules stressed. Part of “work therapy.” Men need discipline because life of addict undisciplined, out of control. Work therapy teaches responsibility, honoring rules, provides structure.

Go into building. More than one floor. Beautiful, old wood, worn. Floor worn, undulates reminiscent of the “Old Spaghetti Factory” and the abandoned shoe factory. Similar light and windows. Dust motes in sunlight. Seems quiet because of lack of conversation, although everyone very active and machines running that move materials from intake to sorting areas and then dispersal areas. Ron points out areas where men try to sneak a smoke. Upsetting to Ron– because of fear of setting off a fire in the warehouse (many flammables, no sprinkler system) and that men must be disciplined: remove privileges to being dismissed from program.

Ron greets everyone by name. Introduces me. People greet him back, but without stopping their tasks. It is not a jolly place – didn’t see any talking between workers. It wasn’t grim, just boring, like the cannery. For some this may be the best work they can do. So the feelings are mine, what are theirs? Ron tells little stories about some individuals (e.g., how well this person has progressed on recovery). Explains EMAC (Every Man A Coach) signs. EMAC means that each person helps others constructively – everyone needs help. Other signs are posted as well to as reminders to inspire men with new outlooks: being responsible, etc. Use of positive language rather than do NOT steal, something about being careful to leave materials in building – i.e., if you borrow a hat from the stock to use during your shift, be sure to leave it at the warehouse when done.

I like the building, a fine old structure. Historic. We move to the ARC. This is modern (maybe 1970). Entrance into small lobby, smells very clean, like a laundry. Must be buzzed in. Elevator directly in front of the double glass entry doors. Regular door with window like at HS classrooms to left on East wall. Climb stairs, end facing desk. Tour main floor where dining room, kitchen and supervisor’s apartment are. Supervisor is one of the men who has achieved a certain level of rehab. Also little store – candy, etc. Across from dining room, main meeting room with enormous TV. Front desk in hall opposite stairwell from lobby. Offices on south side of building and smaller meeting rooms. On North side, bowling alley, 2 lanes, weights, etc. Bowling alley!! I thought that sounded fun, but Ron said the equipment didn’t work well and regularly jammed. The men didn’t use it much. Preferred weights (like in prison) and Ron wanted to have computers for skills training.

Third floor men’s residence. Before he took me up there, blasted on loudspeaker, “Woman on 3.” I felt intrusive. Ron showed me a dorm room (4 beds, just mattresses on springs, more like cots). No bedding, but Ron explained that it was wash day. His story about not enough sheets sometimes reminded me about the sorority. In fact the whole place began to feel like my old sorority. The feeling was cemented by lunch – starch and more starch, bland with lots of gravy. The men did not have many personal effects. Not allowed. Didn’t like it when Ron opened closet to show me. Also saw private room. Very bare. All hard surfaces, no curtains or comfy chair. Just bed, closet, bureau/desk affair. The private rooms are coveted however. Only non-smokers can get them. Have to earn with good behavior.

Fourth floor: chapel, large meeting room, conference room, restrooms, and apartment for visiting Salvation Army dignitaries. Only guests and women allowed on elevator. Men must take stairs unless escorting a woman.

Final impressions: Rules, “sleeping porches,” food, gender specific, group living. Felt like my sorority. The chapel could have the chapter room. Ron big, expansive personality. Cares for the men. Saw it in his eyes and sighs. His words sounded final and firm (about rules and consequences) but I could tell he didn’t like seeing the men experience them (e.g., getting sent out of the ARC back to prison or the streets). However, seems that this part of the therapy. People have to experience the consequences of their behavior to benefit and actually achieve recovery.

March 14: Reflections:

Notice structure theme from buildings to rules to discipline. Interesting. Ron must have really stressed the structure part of work therapy and the program. Looking back I recall that was a large measure of the day’s introduction. Everything planned (structured).

Ron has not given me any rules of behavior. I am trustworthy in that he expects that I will know how to act appropriately without being told. I wonder what I might have to be concerned about. Probably tempting the men into breaking some rule I don’t know about. I will have to check about food on the fourth floor in case I bring treats.

How does one become trustworthy? Big issue at the ARC. Men have to learn to be trustworthy again. Also,respect is a big thing at the ARC in dealing with others. Treating each other respectfully and thoughtfully – 2 words Ron used a lot. Respect includes limits – respecting people’s limits, needs, feelings, what each person is trying to achieve (e.g., sobriety) so respect would also be not getting caught up in enabling behaviors.

After I read the following, am nervous. Have to remember that as a “volunteer” I don’t have to buy into everything. However, if this was to be my life (i.e., to be a soldier) I would have to. How well do the soldiers subscribe? Like pharmacy, perhaps, some pharmacists know what p’care but don’t practice it. How is person supposed to be a member of the profession if they don’t believe and act all the goals, values etc?

From a search of their web site, these are the values I see in the 16 articles listing values.

Selflessness, service, equality of humans (respect for others), transformation to a better person through life-long processes. From the Mission Statement: speaking out (evangelism), altrusium (meeting the needs of others, no mention of self), nonjudgmentalism (non discriminiation).

Summary: A Christian organization, which I never really comprehended before, – very dedicated, somewhere it said feeding and sheltering were its main activities. So where does recovery fit? – Sheltering and feeding the homeless, or those who have issues that make them at risk, which would be addicts. Ron said many of the men are there because of court orders. Go into recovery or go to jail. They are broke and can’t pay for private recovery centers. Others were homeless. Ron said that many of the men have tried other recovery programs and have failed them. The ARC gets the hard core and/or destitute.

Lots of values summarized as Christian. The Soldier’s “oath” can be compared to pharmacy oath. The “Doctrines” could be used to parallel the principles of pharmaceutical care. Will have to compare them to see if contrasts/similarities.

Questions:

What is it like to be in a rampantly “Christian” environment? What do the men experience/think, especially if they are atheist, Jewish, or of other non-Christian religions? Ron mentioned Bible study and weekly chapel services as required. How do these rules fit within being respectful of non-believers?

Information about the Salvation Army copied from their web site

Mission Statement:

The Salvation Army, an international movement, is an evangelical part of the universal Christian Church. Its message is based on the Bible. Its ministry is motivated by the love of God. Its mission is to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to meet human needs in His name without discrimination.

Some more very explicit in this Oath of the Salvation Army Soldier:

I will be responsive to the Holy Spirit's work and obedient to His leading in my life, growing in grace through worship, prayer, service, and the reading of the Bible.

I will make the values of the Kingdom of God and not the values of the world the standard for my life.

I will uphold Christian integrity in every area in all my relationships with others, my family and neighbors, my colleagues and fellow Salvationists, those to whom and for whom I am responsible, and the wider community.

I will maintain Christian ideals in all my relationships with others, my family and neighbors, my colleagues and fellow Salvationists, those to whom and for whom I am responsible, and the wider community.

I will uphold the sanctity of marriage and of family life.

I will be a faithful steward of my time and gifts, my money and possessions, my body, my mind and my spirit, knowing that I am accountable to God.

I will abstain from alcoholic drink, tobacco, the non-medical use of addictive drugs, gambling, pornography, the occult, and all else that could enslave the body or spirit.

I will be faithful to the purposes for which God raised up The Salvation Army, sharing the good news of Jesus Christ, endeavoring to win others to Him, and in His name caring for the needy and disadvantaged.

I will be actively involved, as I am able, in the life and work, worship, and witness of the corps, giving as large a portion of my income as possible to support its ministries and the worldwide work of the Army.

I will be true to the principles and practices of The Salvation Army, loyal to its leaders, and I will show the spirit of salvationism whether in times of popularity or persecution.

Motto: “Sharing is Caring”

Doctrines

The Doctrines of the Salvation Army.

1. We believe that the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments were given by inspiration of God, and that they only constitute the Divine rule of Christian faith and practice.

2. We believe that there is only one God, who is infinitely perfect, the Creator, Preserver, and Governor of all things, and who is the only proper object of religious worship.

3. We believe that there are three persons in the Godhead - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, undivided in essence and co-equal in power and glory.

4. We believe that in the person of Jesus Christ the Divine and human natures are united, so that He is truly and properly God and truly and properly man.

5. We believe that our first parents were created in a state on innocency, but by their disobedience, they lost their purity and happiness, and that in consequence of their fall, all men have become sinners, totally depraved, and as such are justly exposed to the wrath of God.

6. We believe that the Lord Jesus Christ has by His suffering and death made an atonement for the whole world so that whosoever will may be saved.

7. We believe that repentance toward God, faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and regeneration by the Holy Spirit are necessary to salvation.

8. We believe that we are justified by grace through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and that he that believeth hath the witness in himself.

9. We believe that continuance in a state of salvation depends upon continued obedient faith in Christ.

10. We believe that it is the privilege of all believers to be wholly sanctified, and that their whole spirit and soul and body may be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

11. We believe in the immortality of the soul, the resurrection of the body, in the general judgment at the end of the world, in the eternal happiness of the righteous, and in the endless punishment of the wicked.

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I saw this at Pojante,. It reminds me of what the men and the ARC are trying to do with living. Changing the chaos of drug addiction into the ordered life of being drug free. This requires energy (2nd law of thermodynamics). It also requires boundaries and limits. We often, esp. addicts, think of these things as bad, but they are needed for a functional life. Earl talks of rivers. Without boundaries they are swamps, but with boundaries, (focus) like the Colorado, can be very creative or useful.

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